It was raining hard, but not as hard as the day before when I considered pulling over. As I passed through my daily commute I looked at the fútbol field where I have watched friends play soccer. It flashed into my mind that would be a safe place to stop in the rain. I know that place and have always felt safe there.
Then I remembered the first week I lived in Chicago.
After I graduated from college I was living with my parents and waitressing. A friend called and said, "What are you doing still living with your parents? Come to Chicago!" In reality my friend needed someone to help pay the rent. But that's how I ended up in Chicago.
What I didn't know at the time was that I would be in Chicago alone for the first 3 months. My friend was touring with a band in Japan.
I don't remember the details, but somehow I rode from my tiny village in Northern NY to Chicago with a friend who had a Volkswagen bus. I remember I had a garbage can that my Mom bought for me in college, a stereo (the big ones that everyone had back then with tall speakers), some clothes and my cat. No dresser, no bed and no money. An ex-boyfriend gave me $100 on my way out of town. I never thought about paying for all of the gas my friend used for the 12 hour trip. (Sorry Chris!)
My only previous experience with city life was when I went to college at Syracuse University. A few blocks North of the University were housing projects. My father told me never to go there. (I did, to visit my friend who lived there because he got shot, but that is a story for another time.) The projects in Syracuse were nicknamed "The Bricks". Therefore, in my mind, brick buildings meant poverty, crime and an overall lack of safety.
My home in Chicago was not made of brick. But most homes on the way to the grocery store were. So I walked to the grocery store once, scared the whole way, and after that it took me a week to leave the apartment. I was even scared to go out the back door to take out the garbage!
Now here is the funny part which I didn't realize since I was not familiar with city life. My house was about 5 houses North of Wrigley Field. It was one block from Clark Street where everything cool happened. One of my neighbors collected Porsches. I lived in a fairly wealthy part of the city. But I didn't know that because I was too scared to leave the house.
Finally the parting words of my ex boyfriend rang in my ears. "See you soon!" "No you won't." I responded indignantly. "You'll be back," he told me.
I had to leave the house or he would be right.
To make a long story shorter, I did leave the house. I got a job the same day. That was January of 1992. As soon as my roommate got back from Japan I moved out and moved into my own place. Good thing I didn't own much because I carried everything by myself to my new apartment which was four blocks away. I lived in Chicago for a total of 15 years and learned to thrive there.
In the end I did learn about the projects. I learned more than most Chicagoans know about the projects. As a social worker I was in and out of Cabrini Green more than any other person I know. I changed my own flat tire in the parking lot of Robert Taylor Homes, which was the most dangerous place in the city at that time. Finally I was assigned the whole West Side of Chicago as my territory and worked there every day without incident, thank God.
So now I live in Honduras, the "Deadliest Region on Earth". At first I was nervous to do things. I lived in a gated community where I was safe. Yet in the beginning I had to work up the courage to walk outside the gate at the end of my driveway to go to the pulperia down the street. I was very cautious every time I left the house. Looking back it was wise to think that way, but I didn't need to be as nervous as I was.
Now I have been in Honduras for a year and a half. I am falling into the pace of day to day life. I am aware, but not wary. I am thoughtful, but not pensive. I am living more fully.
People did say they thought I would return to the US soon. I am not here to prove anyone wrong. If God calls me to leave Honduras, I will do so willingly. However, I hope He doesn't because I am just starting to get the hang of things. I have found my own comfort zone and am reaching out from there. I am starting, once again, to thrive.
