It has been inching up on me little by little. The first jab occurred when I was in Utah at the all staff meeting where the leadership team of my home church talked about doing 24 hours of worship before the first service in their new location. What a cool idea!
You see, my home church is moving. Since before I left for Honduras they have been working toward this goal. I can remember saying to my mentor, "It doesn't matter to me where they will be. I am going to be in Honduras."
But now that it is happening, it matters.
It snuck up on me slowly and completely out of the blue. I didn't expect to care this much.
Then there were messages on Facebook. And pictures. The 24 hours of worship day came. I prayed with my home church but I felt alone. I wanted to be there to share in their experience of blessing this new church and praising God for it.
I know. It is just a building. The church is the people. But, you see, many of my favorite people are all joining together right now to celebrate something very special, and I can't be there.
I am sad.
I am jealous.
I am homesick.
I am a little mad.
I am left out. (Because of logistics.)
I am hurt that a year from now or 5 years from now, or 15 years from now I won't have these memories to share with "my people" as Honduran friends call them.
Is it that I want my cake and eat it too? Yes. I want to live in Honduras and be able to tele-port myself to the US for the important things. Like this move. Or my nephews' birthdays. Christmas. The 4th of July.
Am I unhappy in Honduras? No. Not in the slightest. I don't want to leave here. I don't want to live anywhere else.
But sometimes, when I least expect it, things creep up on me. Like this week as my church is preparing to move to its awesome new building. I miss my people.
There's a strange inner battle between wanting to know and see everything, Then I feel sad when I see photos so I want to avoid it all - crawl under a rock and hide out from social media until all of this excitement is over. I want to send a letter to my friends and tell them how much I wish I were there. But it seems kind of silly. They are all working like crazy people and I am just sitting here complaining that I can't be part of it.
So yeah. That is where I am tonight. My heart is aching for fellowship with "my people". At this time of celebration I want to feel a part of it all. I know I am a part of them (usually I am very proud to be the Honduras part of them) but tonight I feel a world apart.
So, my sisters and brothers at K2 the Church, you are in my thoughts and my prayers. You are important to me. This move is important to me, although I never expected it to be. I miss you and I wish I could be there with you to support you as you are exhausted. I want to celebrate with you all that God has done to make this amazing thing happen.
Congratulations K2! This is the beginning of a new season. Can't wait to see my new church building with my old church friends some day soon.
PS: Don't worry. I am doing well. Just missing you.
