Thursday I went to the 4 day retreat for members of Honduran Fellowships of Missionaries and Ministries. It is through this organization that I will be able to maintain my residency in Honduras. I also have health care now! HFMM has over 300 members. Over 200 came to the retreat!
I kept comparing who I am now with who I was in November when I attended a different retreat for women through WOP. Sometimes I feel like a completely new person, and in some ways I am. Sometimes I think I just rediscovered who I was to begin with, before I came to Honduras three years ago. Both of those concepts are true in different ways.
God has blessed me with so much spiritual healing through my new pastor, Pastora Ruth, that I am not the same person I was in November, the first time I walked into her church. Not even close. I have learned and am still learning who I am in God and this makes me a new person.
At the same time, I am remembering the person I was when I was happiest and most fulfilled. I was self confident. I was respected. I was competent. I haven't felt like I am any of those things in a long time. Too long.
A woman I met at the retreat is rescuing children and abused women. She is doing big things all over Honduras. She educates thousands of people each year, and leads the leaders of this country when it comes to the problem of domestic violence, child abuse and rape. She is amazing.
People have been telling me for a while that I should meet her, that we have a lot in common. At that time I didn't know all she was doing and how important she is. When we were introduced she explained the basics of what she does and I said, "That is very much like what I used to do in Chicago." Later I attended a workshop she taught and she explained everything that she is doing. Teaching the police, leading the leaders, and at the same time rescuing those in need. I was in awe.
She said, "There is no better feeling than running up a mountain with the police to rescue an abused woman. You find her huddled in a corner, not believing that you are really able to help her and you have to tell her, 'We are here for you. We came here to help you. I am going to help you.' You just hold her and tell her that over and over."
As this heroic woman talked about running up the mountain and embracing the abused woman (who had been to the police four times after her husband repeatedly almost killed her) she demonstrated how she held the woman by wrapping herself around me. Many people in the workshop were brought to tears. I was too.
As I was leaving the retreat I talked to her. (Go me!!! In November I would never have dared to talk to her after I found out how awesome she really is.) I said, "I think you have changed my life. Remember when you told the story about running up the mountain to rescue to abused woman?"
She said, "You were the abused woman?"
I said, "No. I used to run up mountains. But I haven't in a long time, and I forgot that I ever could. Your words helped me to remember what makes my heart beat. I remember now who I am and what I am capable of. Thank you."
Yesterday I got home from the retreat and I called Pastor Ruth. We had an appointment to meet today, but she got too busy at work, so I met with her co-pastor, Pastor Paysen. He is a really cool German man who understands some of the difficulties of living in another country. And he speaks English, so we can talk easily. I can confide in him the same as I do with Pastor Ruth, so I didn't mind at all meeting with Pastor Paysen instead.
I said that I know Ruth was very clear that she wanted me to stop ministering and have a time to receive. But I believe that I have grown and healed enough to begin serving again, and if they are in agreement I would like to start talking with some ministries.
We talked for a long time. Turned out we were all on the same page about everything, which was really nice. I would have been okay if we weren't. I trust them and would have followed anything they asked of me. But, it's nice that they see things the same way I do.
After meeting with Pastor Paysen I called a lady I met in October. Everyone who knows her says she is very special. Some people from my home church have met her as well and thought she was amazing. She said that she and I will sit down and talk about if there is a place for me in her ministry. She even sounded excited, which made me very happy.
My prayer before the call was two things:
1) That my offer to serve in her ministry would be an answer to her prayer
2) That there will be a place there where I can use my God given gifts to do things that are challenging, but that I love to do so I can feel my heart beat with passion like it used to.
Back in November I had such low self confidence, I didn't dare speak to the people I admired. I thought they wouldn't want to be bothered by me. But look at me now! I spoke to the awesome lady at the retreat (We are even friends on Facebook! Ha ha. I know that is silly, but it's a big step for me.) and I called the lady whom I admire greatly and said (with confidence!) I would like to lend a hand at her ministry.
I am grateful to the people who have helped me get to this place. People from my home church in the US, specifically my mentor, Robin, and my friend, Kim were the first to step in. Pastor Ruth has been the biggest blessing of all. God placed me into her hands just at the right time. There are friends here who walk with me on a daily basis like Fany and Carol. They know when I need space to grow, but are there the instant I need a friend. God is using this experience to bring me closer to my family too. For the first time in six years, I think they are starting to understand that maybe it wasn't such a totally insane and horrible thing for me to move to Honduras. I'm also grateful to people I don't get to talk to as much as I'd like, but I know are praying for me. Those people include, but are not limited to, my friend Ana and her family here in Honduras, Jody, Mary, Julia, Heather, Arlene, Pat, Sandrine, Danielle, my Aunts, and more that I can't think of right now but are no less important. Thanks guys!
I have reached base camp. My bags are full of tools. I have trained hard. Can't wait to start climbing mountains again.
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| Left and right are Daniel and Rocio, new friends In the middle are my friend Carol and me! |
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| Single missionaries in their 40's. It was a small group. |
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| Pastor John, head of HFMM and his pastor, Pastor Ken |
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| Brad and Rebekah came from the US to lead us in worship |
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| We worshiped! |
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| I had the best prayer group of them all. We were asked to keep it down because our prayer was too loud. Ooops! |
