I've been so busy! Busier than ever before in my life as a missionary. But it's all stuff that I love to do and I believe this work is changing people's lives. Although I come home each night exhausted, I am very happy.
Since Sunday after church my coworkers and I have been in a "Diplomado". My goal here is to always be honest with you, so I have to say, I am not sure exactly what that means. I used Google translate, but it still didn't make sense. I only know that it is an advanced study which can give you credits toward a Master's Degree in Psychology.
So, I'm studying masters' level psychology in Spanish from 8-5 every day, plus last Sunday afternoon. By the time I get home I can't form words in English or Spanish. It's like I'm speaking in 3 languages - advanced psychology, Spanish and then translating it all to English. I told my friends that my brain feels like oatmeal. I haven't cleaned the house, washed clothes, or called my Mom. I just collapse.
We have to rent out a space because psychologists from all over Honduras are attending the Diplomado. It is organized by my boss and is taught by a friend of hers from Argentina.
Today we returned to our office from the Diplomado in time to see one of the leaders of my organization leave. It hurt my heart. As I was thinking of it later, I guess I am grateful, but man, I could not live like he does.
There have been death threats against him and his family. So many threats that the media is now writing about it. He has to ride in motorcade of special fancy trucks. I am assuming they are armored because these fancy trucks were never around before. And he is followed everywhere he goes by a truck full of military police, all armed with big guns.
I felt sad because that would be a crappy way to have to live. Having those people around would be a constant reminder of the threat he lives under. But I am grateful that they are doing everything possible to protect him. I can't imagine how it would feel to be him. God calls me to pray for the leaders of my organization and their families on a constant basis.
I stopped writing a few weeks ago because I really didn't want to share something that happened. But it also felt wrong not to share it. I try to be very truthful here. So I just didn't write anything at all.
Today I am ready to share with you.
The older brother of a girl who is in my Wednesday club committed suicide. We are expected to support the family when something like that happens, as part of our job. My coworker who runs the club with me, and a psychologist from that neighborhood spent the evening and most of the night with the family. They sent me a message and asked me to join them next day.
In Honduras funerals and burials happen within 48 hours of a death, so the next day he was to be buried. My coworker came down to the office and rode back up with me to the house where his body was being held for calling hours.
I was surprised because for the first time my coworker asked our driver to use the "stickers" (magnetic signs which go on the doors of the truck to identify us as part of Impacto Juvenil). The week before she told me not to bother with the stickers.
This time it was a big hassle. The stickers were nowhere to be found. The driver got frustrated because normally nobody makes him use the stickers and he had someone else to drop off, so we were making the other person late. But my coworker insisted that we get the stickers and put them on the truck. It was strange because normally we don't question the decisions of our security. But even in that moment, I was proud of my coworker because I knew what she was doing was not easy for her.
Then she did something else that I've only seen done once before. When we arrived at the neighborhood where we work, she told everyone to roll down their windows. I have ridden with her many times. She has never asked a driver to roll down the windows. In fact, we are not supposed to tell the drivers what to do. They are supposed to tell US what to do. So it was odd for her to speak up and ask everyone to roll down their windows. (We roll down windows because our vehicle is the same type that police use for undercover stings and the gangs don't like it when we enter communities in this vehicle. But if we roll down the windows, they can see we are not undercover police. In fact normally they recognize our faces.)
So we went to the house of the family who had lost a son. Another coworker, a psychologist (and friend) who had also been with the family for the past 24 hours, was waiting for us on the corner.
Here's where the story gets hard to tell. In fact they didn't even tell me until a few days later.
As my coworker was waiting on the corner, a group of six armed young men arrived. My coworker heard them say they were going to assault the next car that came by as part of their gang initiation. (We still aren't sure what they meant by assault - in Spanish that can mean mug, beat, attack, rob, or even kidnap.)
My coworker looked up and saw that the next car to arrive was us - me, my other coworker, our driver and our security guard.
It didn't turn out the way you expect. They didn't see our signs or our rolled down windows right away because they thought we were undercover police so they ran to hide. I believe that was God protecting us.
We turned at that corner and backed down the street past where they were hiding so that we could be in the funeral procession. They saw our signs and came out of hiding but were calm and walked away. I saw them briefly, but never thought of them as a threat.
When we got out of the car, the only thing the psychologist said to me was, "You guys came earlier than I expected." I think she didn't want me to be scared, since we had to spend the rest of the day there.
When I arrived at the home, the girl we serve came and hugged me tight. She was sobbing. Her father (who I met on Father's Day because he was the only one who took the day off to attend our celebration) was nearby, sitting quietly.
I went into the house where they were holding the vigil for her brother. But before I could get to the door they were carrying an unconscious woman outside. It was their mother.
At first I didn't pay much attention. She was carried back inside but I heard my coworker say, "They have to get her out of there." I could see she, who had stood up so firmly against our security that day, was hesitant to do anything. It was my turn.
I walked inside and motioned for someone to grab the lady's feet. When others saw us lifting her, they helped us carry her outside and onto the street.
After asking a few questions I learned she was diabetic and hadn't eaten in 2 days. She was in diabetic shock and nobody was doing anything about it. Everyone said she didn't want to eat and they were not about to force a grieving mother to eat.
However, God showed me a few weeks ago that I am the only one I know with any first aid training. I never realized that before. But since that moment, I knew that if something happened, I would have to be the one to respond. So I annoyed a few people and poured orange juice onto the lady's tongue. After a few capfuls of OJ she was conscious and able to attend her son's burial.
We rode in the back of pickup trucks to the cemetery. That is the custom here. The casket goes in the first pickup. Everyone else follows.
The mother was passing out and falling out of the truck in front of us. The girl in my club and her sister were screaming and sobbing until they passed out too. Then a lady would stand up in the moving pickup and rub some type of oil under their nose. She thought it was helpful. I thought they would regain consciousness without her standing up in a moving pickup.
At times the girls attempted to jump from the moving pickup, saying they couldn't stand to live anymore. It was very dramatic and traumatic, overwhelming and not fun. I don't know how my coworkers handled it for 24 hours. I was exhausted after four.
The good news is that the girl whose brother committed suicide returned to our club last week. She is fine. She seems to be back to normal. And her older sister is now an unofficial member of our club too. I love that my organization allows us to do that - if a child is in need, the rules don't matter. We are supposed to have 25 kids in our club but we already have 27 and we are only a few months in. If the older sister wants to attend she is more than welcome.
So now you know what I couldn't say before. It was a little traumatic and I have been processing it all. I've missed out on writing a bunch of good stuff because I couldn't bring myself to sit at this computer and not tell the whole truth, which I know would be hard for my mother if she read this. Plus I have honestly been really, really busy.
One highlight that I didn't write about was that my boss, who asked me to do the class in the private school for kids with Conduct Disorder, was very pleased with my work there. I sent her a copy of the letter I wrote to the parents, as well as my evaluation of her son.
She immediately emailed me back saying, "You amaze me!" She has an interdisciplinary team coming from Sweden to evaluate her son in October. She wants me to be part of the team! I am really using my psychology degree and experience these days and it feels great!
The literacy class continues to be the highlight of my week. Every week the lady who trained me to teach it says she is going to come and monitor what I am doing. She was scheduled to come tomorrow, but she just messaged me that she needs to take her mother to the doctor. I am not nervous about her monitoring the class. In fact, I am excited! I can't wait for her to meet my awesome students and let her see all the great work they are doing.
Last week we zoomed through the final pages of the preparation work much more quickly than I anticipated. This week we are starting the first module. So far everyone is attending consistently, which is a great success! This class is not only the highlight of my week, it is also the highlight of theirs. I never imagined myself as a literacy teacher in Spanish, but I am loving every minute!
I am told that the nonprofit association where I work would like to do a newsletter to the sponsors about my class and what we are achieving together. They think this is as amazing too!
So, I passed through a few rough hours with that funeral, but overall I am really flourishing and blossoming and growing and so happy! My boss heard that I may have saved the diabetic lady's life. Now she wants me to give classes in first aid.
Sadly, but understandably, the first thing she wants me to cover is how to treat a gunshot wound. I am going to push her to have a professional come in, but if that is not possible my brother has been helping me prepare. Never thought I'd be teaching first aid in Honduras.
I got to spend Mother's Day with a missionary who is my Mom's age. She has daughters my age. My family thinks I am nuts to be here and her family thinks she is nuts too. We miss our families so it was nice to be able to spend Mother's Day with her, since I couldn't be with my Mom.
On Mother's Day Erika called me for the first time since our big talk. She didn't want anything. I told her I miss her and I think of her all of the time. She didn't have much to say. She said her daughters are both doing well and then she hung up pretty quickly. She didn't ask to spend time with me. Looking back at how busy I've been, I guess I'm glad. And I guess Fany was right. Erika has her own family now. She doesn't need me anymore. But I'm glad she still thinks of me and she took the time to call me on Mother's Day.
One more cool thing happened. Fany's daughter, Laura, and I have been struggling to get along with each other for a while. Last week I had a horrible dream. In the dream Laura told me that she hates me and she doesn't want me in her life. The next day I couldn't get that dream out of my brain. As I told Fany about it, both of us cried. She sees the tension between Laura and me. It has to be hard on her too.
Some people said that I need to pray over Laura to get rid of the negativity. But I thought I needed to pray more for myself, and for wisdom about how to best deal with Laura. God spoke clearly to me. He told me to love her.
The next time I saw Laura she wanted to show me how fast she can run. I held open my arms and she ran full speed into them. I swept her up in a big hug. Usually she is not physically affectionate with me, so I could feel she was not completely comfortable. We were both testing the waters. I set her down and told her I love her, that I always will love her, and nothing can change that. Since that day, Laura has been nothing but a pleasure to be around. She is loving, affectionate and sweet. Wow! Our whole relationship has changed. All it took was love! That was a huge lesson.
The only thing that weighs on my mind right now is my car. Every day it fails more and more. Last week it was the reverse lights and the AC. I had to spend $400 to fix the AC. I wonder when God is going to help me find a new(er) car. I also know I am horrible at asking for help. That's something I need to work on.
But for now, I am busy with other things. I have faith He will provide the car I need when the time is right.
