Dia de la Biblia

I could not sleep last night so when Lourdes called this morning to give me a heads up that we are going to church early and asked how I'm doing, the words "I'm tired," slipped out before I could catch myself.  She spends days and days at a time with no sleep.  Trouble sleeping is one of the symptoms of fibromyalgia and it hits her hard.  I felt bad complaining about one night of poor rest to Lourdes.

I decided to wash my hair before church.  There was a huge pitcher of bottled water I had set aside for that purpose.  It was full of ants this morning.  As far as I know, ants won't damage hair and I didn't have time to be picky so I started to wash with the ant water.  Then I spilled the whole pitcher on the floor.  Almost a full gallon of water wasted and no time to clean it up before church.

Church was fun.  The kids got up and sang their song.  There were about 40 representing the Breakfast Program.  Not a bad turnout.  They sang really well and sat quietly before and after.  I was proud of them.  Lorenzo sat behind me so I had a hand petting my arm for much of the service.  Sweet Lorenzo.  I think having my arm petted by anyone else would be annoying.

The owner of the house in the mountains was at church.  I spoke with her quite a bit.  She said that she wants to be sure I understand I am responsible for my cat.  She worries her dogs might attack Jetty if Jett gets outside.  I told her I don't think it will be a problem (Jett can handle her business).  I will keep Jett inside and be responsible if she does get out.  I am more worried about how Jett will get up the spiral staircase.  I really don't know if she can do it!  We'll see.  It's a tiny house, but so cute.  I think I will like it there.  I am really happy get out of the city.

We talked about the price of rent.  It is more than I hoped, but when I told Jairo the price he said the owner is giving me a REALLY good deal.  He said the rent much cheaper than he expected.  That made me feel better.  The owner also asked me why I am in Honduras.  When I told her I believe I was called by God to be here she didn't ask me to elaborate.  She said that was all she needed to know.  She said she wants the house to have peace and love inside.  That short answer was enough to make her feel comfortable with me living there.

I like the fact that she is very up front.  I told her I will need to give my current landlord notice that I am moving out, so as soon as she has an idea about when the house will be ready please let me know.  She said she thinks the house will be ready at the end of October, but she will know more at the end of this week.  That was a big surprise!  I have to get a fridge and several other things before I can really live there.  Last I knew she was hoping to be done by Christmas, so I was not expecting this.  She said she will let me use her gas stove.  Hurray!  One less expense for me to cover and I love gas stoves.  I am getting excited about living up in the mountains.

I might miss this house.  It has been such a nice home for me.  I have loved this house since the moment I walked in.  The one in the mountains is much different.  I hope I am as happy there.  Since it is so close to the rain forest and significantly colder, drying laundry will be even harder than it is here.  I will be so happy when I get my dryer in the shipment from the US in March or April!

After church Jose and Karla took me to look for the swing set.  I did as Lourdes asked, taking pictures of the swing sets I thought would be good.  Next thing I knew I was in trouble with security!  Apparently you can't take photos of swing sets inside stores in Honduras.  I explained what I was doing - that people from the US want to send money to buy the swing set for my church.  They all consulted with each other and allowed me to finish taking photos as long as I was accompanied by the manager.  I was glad Karla and Jose were there because it was a little scary.

Tonight a friend from SLC was chatting with me on FB.  She has had a difficult time understanding why I would want to move to Honduras, but I think she understands better now.  I was talking to her about all of the moving costs I am worried about.  She asked for the link where she can donate.  A few minutes later she came back on line and said that she made a donation which she hopes will help toward a refrigerator   I am so grateful!  Thank you Jessica Turco  :)  Hopefully I won't grind my teeth as much tonight.  That was a super sweet surprise.

I am nervous about moving to a more expensive place when I am barely making ends meet now.  But Lourdes and Jairo are talking me through it and helping me to live more in faith.  I came here 6 months ago as a step of faith.  I was FAR from being funded.  As of this moment everything has fallen into place beautifully.  It hasn't been easy, but it has all been good.  It feels to all of us that this move the the mountains is the right thing.  If God wants me there, He will provide.

Saturday

Today is Saturday.  I slept late since I've been averaging 5-6 hours during the week.  This is my one day to sleep in so let's just say, I took advantage of it!

After getting the laundry started I ran down to the pulperia, hoping to buy broccoli and garlic but they didn't get any broccoli today.  However, I did learn that I can pay all of my bills there from now on.  Normally everyone has to go to the bank to pay for water, electricity, and even cable.  Now I can pay bills just down the street any day between 8 a.m. and 10 p.m.  I think my neighbors, Fany and Santos, will be so excited to hear this too.  They spend hours in line at the bank.

Since I won't be home for any meals Monday or Tuesday, and we are having a fundraiser lunch after church tomorrow, I was hoping to avoid the weekly trip to the super.  But neither of the pulperias on my street had enough fresh veggies for me to make it through the week.  So I hung up the laundry, hoped the storm clouds weren't going to let loose before I returned, and made my weekly trip to the super.  This time I asked the taxista to wait, since I only needed a few things.  Usually he leaves and returns in an hour.

When we got home the laundry was not dry, but the clouds were still holding back the rain.  I cooked some pasta with spicy sausage - something I never would have chosen to cook in the US.  It was tasty!  Then I sent out letters to a few people asking if they can help out with financial support and letting them know the latest news in Honduras.  I got permission from K2, my church in the US, to put my sofa, washer, dryer, dishes and various other things into a big tractor trailer size container with the donations they are shipping here.  That will be nice!!!

Last night I washed my hair.  It was only the second time I've used bottled water because I am trying to wash and even to comb my hair as minimally as possible.  I am still losing a LOT of hair.  I hope this changes soon because it is bumming me out.

Tomorrow will be a long day at church.  The kids at the Breakfast Program will sing a song we have been practicing for weeks.  After the service we will have a luncheon to raise money for the women's conference which is in a few weeks.  Lourdes asked yesterday if I am interested in taking voice lessons at the church on Saturdays.  I told her I would love to take voice lessons, but I don't think I should commit to spending 7 days/week at the church.  I need to have one day away from the church to maintain some balance in my life.

Noodles and Toothpaste

Feels like I have a million things to remember to write!

We have had a really busy week.  I keep thinking I'll be able to do laundry tomorrow, but we keep getting home right as it gets dark.  This morning was exciting.  All of the hard work by the men on Tuesday and Wednesday paid off.  The front entrance was wide enough and we received our first big container of donations.  It is a box carried on the back of a tractor trailer.  I wasn't able to see how they got the container off the truck, but I did hear it land with a thud that sounded like a plane breaking the sound barrier.  Lourdes and I both hoped everyone was safe after hearing that sound!

No school again today and rumor has it no school on Monday either.  Ugh!  These kids are missing out on so much of the education they are entitled to!  But the Breakfast Program continues to grow.  This week we gave out girls underwear sets on Tuesday and clothes for boys on Wednesday.  Tuesday and Thursday the psychologist came.  She has finished the section on self esteem and is now talking about the basics of sexuality.  Lourdes encouraged her to speak very strongly to the kids when she gets into more detail.  Right now a couple of the teens are going a little loco.  We have some raging hormones at the Breakfast Program. Lourdes is talking with them individually.  Usually the talks go well.  Some of the girls end up mad.  We have our hands full.  Thank God for Lourdes!

Jairo has been working on my residency.  I have to meet with a lawyer Monday about it.  They need my birth certificate and social security card.  I am VERY nervous about the idea of mailing those documents.  I've been checking into costs to cross the border into Costa Rica to get my passport stamped.  Then I'll be all set until I fly back to the US in December for Christmas.

I have been worried about $ lately.  I have to buy a ticket to get back to Honduras after Christmas.  Everything I found was close to $800.  I do not have $800 to buy a ticket to come back here after Christmas.  I know somehow I will come up with it, and I am praying about it, but since I am not fully funded, I was not able to set aside the money I need to come back.  So I have a ticket home on December 20th and I am praying God will provide me with a ticket to come back!

I do have faith.  This week God has done some cool things.  On Wednesday we had 83 kids and it was almost straight from the bible, how that pot of spaghetti with meat sauce stretched to feed those kids.  We still don't know how that happened from a human perspective.  Then yesterday I told Lourdes that we are almost out of toothpaste.  She said don't worry, God provides for the Breakfast Program.  She was right.  We were cleaning a few hours later and found toothpaste!  I have never been so thrilled to see a tube of toothpaste in my life :)

Monday and Tuesday will be long days, but I am looking forward to it.  Jairo invited me to join a group small group of women for a conference on those days from 4-8pm.  I am excited to go.  It is about how to provide spiritual healing to others.  I studied how to help people receive God's healing while I lived in Salt Lake.  It will be interesting to learn a new perspective.  Apparently the teacher is from the US.  I am so grateful for these opportunities to learn.  I also am grateful that Jairo allows me the time to take advantage of the opportunities.  In the US I had to say no to a lot of interesting things because they conflicted with my work schedule.  Now, learning these interesting things is part of my work.  Pretty awesome.

This weekend I Lourdes assigned me some homework.  I'm a little stressed about it because I don't have a car, but I hope Karla or Jose can help me.  I have to price out and take photos of swing sets.  A church in the US wants to donate money for a swing set.  Since it will be for the preschool kids, I am in charge of researching it.  My neighbors suggested so places to check, but I still have to beg rides from someone.

I baked broccoli and garlic Wednesday night with olive oil, salt and pepper.  It was so yummy and my house smelled like home.  I haven't filled my house with the smell of garlic since I got here.  Shame on me for waiting so long.  Now all I can think about is that broccoli.  It will be the first thing I buy tomorrow.

October marks the 30th anniversary for the church.  We are doing special activities all month.  They know that I am athletic.  Today they asked me to join a soccer team for the church.  I can't play soccer.  Especially not like Central Americans play soccer.  They were born playing soccer and have played all of their lives.  I know I should just play, but I am so competitive!  I don't want to do something if I can't do it well.  Plus there's a talent show.  I can't think of anything to do for a talent.  I know I need to be a part of these things.  I think it is important to take part in church activities.  But I am afraid I will embarrass myself!

I was talking with my neighbor Fany and her sister tonight.  I told them how my hair is falling out, but that I may have found the solution by using bottled water.  The sister kind of giggled.  I said, "I know, I am a very special gringa."  She said, "No, you are an expensive gringa."  I told her if I have to wash my hair with drinking water forever, she is right.  Another thing I could have never thought to include in my budget.

Pat Pike, my friend in the US, is still on a crazy roller coaster ride with health problems.  He has not been doing well for the past three days.  The kids are writing cards for him and they say they are praying for him at home, as well as at the Breakfast Program.  Yesterday, Lourdes said that for the first time she feels really worried.  Pat was supposed to be almost completely recuperated by now and instead he is getting weaker and weaker.

It has been nice to get to know some people from K2 a little better through this whole experience with Pat.  The other day I told one of them the story about how God made sure there were exactly enough noodles of spaghetti to feed each of the 83 kids at the Breakfast Program.  I said if God cares about the number of noodles in a pot, he certainly cares immensely for Pat.  God's even looking out for our toothpaste.

LOTS of great news!

Today was awesome! First I had TWO English students today. Finally the kids are bringing their homework for me to help them! Then I was invited to join the bible study with my friend Marlin and 3 other ladies Lourdes is mentoring. Lourdes had thought it was too easy for me and would be boring, but I think now it is more about the companionship of the other ladies. They are from Los Pinos, but they are used to me so I don't think they feel intimidated to speak out if I am in the group. That was my concern initially.

Also, Pat went from HORRIBLE last night - Drs from infection control were arguing with Pat's Dr that he needed surgery immediately.  Pat's Dr did not want to do another surgery with Pat being so weak.  Pat was back on the respirator with the O2 at 100% but still not getting enough O2 last night. This morning his white blood cell count fell so significantly that the Drs all agreed surgery is not necessary. By this afternoon he was completely off the respirator!!!!

Lourdes invited me to get a special hair treatment, with a special conditioner that they leave in for an hour and then a blow out. I was afraid of the blow out since all of my hair is falling out. When the lady put in the conditioner she told Lourdes that she was being really gentle, but my hair was still falling out in handfulls. She asked if I was under stress. I said I don't think so. I am using the same shampoo as in the US and I have been losing hair by the handfull for 6 weeks. Now I can feel the sun on my scalp because my hair is so thin.  Later I realized, yes, I am stressed, but only because of my stupid hair falling out! I am taking vitamins and eating eggs and beans, like I read on the internet. Just recently I noticed that my scalp is also tender. It actually hurts.  It reminded me of how the grandmothers on the West Side of Chicago used to say the kids were "tender headed" if they complained while getting their hair pulled tight into braids.  I am a tender headed white girl at this point.

Lourdes said the water here has a lot of chlorine. That really felt like the answer. If the water has a lot of chemicals, then my head would feel tender and my hair would fall out. All of the other things (washing with warm water, diet, etc.) just didn't feel like the cause. I have washed my hair with hot water all of my life. In fact, the water here is much cooler than what they would use in the US at a salon. That can't be the cause.  Also the hair dresser said I should not be putting the conditioner on my roots. I've done that all of my life too.  If the conditioner is supposed to have special vitamins to keep my hair from falling out, what good does it do if I don't put it on the roots? Anyway, I know it is so silly, but please pray that my hair stops falling out. I will start using the bottled water tomorrow. Or maybe even tonight because my scalp really hurts.

Apparently I am a delicate gringa. I hate it when I have to do weird things like wash my hair differently from everyone else.  And now I will have to chase down the illusive water man even more often.  Wish me luck!

The other good thing is that I received the water fountain for Jett today. Mom mailed it way back on  August 23. It is finally here! Yay!!! It works fine. Everyone who was there when Walter Z brought it to the church thinks I am insane. They have never heard of a litter box, never mind a water fountain! Hopefully they will find these odd things entertaining and not think that I am a needy gringa.

Today Lourdes and Jairo told me there will be a big "container" coming from the US in January.  If I want to have anything sent in the container, just make a list!  I am thinking of sending my washer, dryer, and maybe my sofa, depending on how close I am to being fully funded.  (Last month somehow I was $400 short!)  I don't want to have all of the things I would need to start a home in the US moved here if I might not be able to stay.  But don't worry.  I am not planning to leave.  I am just trying to think realistically.  If I have those things sent here, I need to be sure that I'll be here a while.  Having those things would sure make it easier to live in the house in the mountains!  I would only have to buy a fridge.  Everything else I could have shipped from the US!  It will be very interesting to see where I am living in a few months.  At least I have options and a safe place to stay in the meantime.

They are so sure this delivery is coming from the US that today they paid a man to dig up all of the ground around the entrance of the church with some sort of big backhoe thing.  They even dug up the sidewalk, so now it is flat and wide enough for the truck with the container to enter.  I think by "container" they mean something that fits on the back of a tractor trailer.  They took the dirt they removed from the side of the mountain at the front of the church and moved it to the back to make a flat place for the container to sit.  They are talking about making a flat space for the kids to play fútbol too.  The kids would LOVE to have a real fútbol field!  I'll let you know how things proceed tomorrow with that.

Visited the mountain house

I finally got to see the house up in the mountains today and I have to say, I was disappointed.  I was not disappointed in the house.  It was so cute!  It has a balcony and a spiral staircase.  I was disappointed that for some reason, I can not feel or imagine myself living in the house.  So strange.  I want to live in the mountains.  The house is really nice.  Why can't I feel myself living there?  Hmmm.  We'll see...

Maybe I'll end up there and surprise myself.  If so, I won't be sad or disappointed.  I'll be thrilled to live in the mountains!  I can only say it didn't feel like home to me.  The house where I live now felt like home the second I entered.  Maybe it's because this place was more furnished.  I don't think so.  Maybe it's because I am VERY worried about being able to afford living in that house, so I might be scared to get attached to it.  That could be it.  Who knows.

I just got notice that a package is here for me.  I am really hoping that it is a fountain my Mom sent for my cat.  She is finicky.  She only likes aerated water.  She is having some health problems because she is not drinking as much water as she should.  I have to keep a blanket that is quick and easy to wash covering my bed because she has been vomiting on the bed at 5 a.m.  It took 32 days for the package to get here, if it is the fountain.

Today we instituted a day of fasting and prayer for Pat Pike.  He was not doing well all weekend.  He doesn't seem to be doing well today.  He is barely responsive and back on a ventilator.

The preschool class went very well today!  We had eleven kids, which can sometimes be harder to manage.  The three new kids from last week all came back!  For the second time, Violet didn't cry!  And today Cindy didn't hide.  There was no hitting.  The only thing I had to prompt about was not to do summersaults in the classroom.  They had a good lunch of beans, eggs and tortillas.  We read a story about God creating the world.  They really loved it and were so engaged that we ended up discussing the story until they were late to eat.  Usually they listen for the older kids to wash their hands outside the classroom and then they all want to eat.  Not today!  We didn't even have time for our "classroom time" today.  I told them we will do the classroom stuff on Wednesday and they were excited.

The president gave an ultimatum to school teachers.  Anyone who doesn't show up to work will not be paid.  Our kids did not have classes.  I was surprised.  Do the teachers want their job?

Kebelin had English homework today and she needed help.  I was so happy that she felt comfortable asking for help!  She is one of the cleanest kids in the program and she has lice.  If she has lice, probably all of the kids do.  That does not keep me from keeping up on my daily hugs with Lorenzo.  We had some good hugs today.  However, it does make me inwardly grimace when one of the kids puts their hoody over my head.  I'm thinking before I leave, I will end up with lice at some point.  I've never lived in a place where people sit around and pick the lice out of the kids' hair.  Don Juan does it and the mothers do it to their own children as well as others' kids.  I hate to admit I am still not quite comfortable with picking lice out of childrens' hair.  I'll let you know if that changes.

Mark this day on your calendar

Lourdes is walking a lot better, thank God.  The teachers refused to teach today, so schools were closed.  That means we only had one group of kids.  The preschool class was really small, which was nice because we practiced using scissors and they needed a lot of individual attention.  Three of the kids are new this week, two siblings and a cousin.  It is exciting to have new kids at the Breakfast Program.  Especially when they return consistently and then bring a cousin!  They seem to be really nice kids, well behaved and smart.  I told them I hope they will come back next week and they all said they will.  Hope so!

Today was special for another reason too.  I told Lourdes that we have to mark it on a calendar.  Today was the first day that Violet came to class and did not cry.  Usually she screams at the top of her lungs the whole time.  Today she was perfect.  I have no idea why, but she said she will be good on Monday too.  We'll see.

Later this afternoon I learned that it is The International Day of Peace.  In the class I had talked with Violet and some of the other students about how peaceful and calm our class was today.  Later I joked with Lourdes and Violet's mother that Violet was calm for class in recognition of The International Day of Peace. It sure is nice when she is not screaming.

Joss came to the church after swimming in an olympic length pool today.  She said she would love me to come with her.  It is $20/month, so I hope that once I get a car Lourdes, Joss and I can all get memberships and swim.  Lourdes is supposed to swim for her fibromyalgia and I am dying for a safe place to exercise.  This seems perfect.  I'm hoping it will work out for all of us.

Jairo invited me to attend Ethel's birthday party.  Ethel is the head of all the Elders at the church.  Jairo said it was only going to be Ethel's family and the other elders.  It ended up to be close to 50 people, but it was nice.  I got to dress up for the first time since I got here, which was fun.

I also got to speak to Hermida, who may be my future landlord.  She and her husband are building what the people here call and "apartment" on their property.  It is really a full separate house, but intended for rental purposes. They will rent it now, then live there when their kids have grown up and move out.  They are putting in lots of details, but need some time and money to complete it.  I will go check it out on Monday.  I keep hearing great things about the home.  It has a balcony off the bedroom with an incredible view and a spiral staircase!  Plus hot water.  Hot water has it's pro's and con's.  I'll have a much higher electric bill, but I'll also have hot water to wash dishes (which I really don't care about any more since I've never been sick washing with cold) and adjustable hot water in the shower instead of a heater attached to the shower head which puts out really hot water when the shower pressure is low, and luke warm water when the water pressure is high.  Water pressure changes all of the time here, depending on the weather, literally, and whether the city turns on the water.  If it were my choice, I would skip the hot water to save money and put a heater on the shower head.  But they are thinking about the house as a place where they will want to live.

I also learned that I will have to pay more for rent.  I wasn't surprised.  I'm not sure how much it will be, but the area itself and the nice house are both reasons for higher rent.  Hermida told me that we both need to pray about this.  I told her I will.  As soon as I got home I received a message that a friend would like to have information about how to make a financial donation!  I took this as a sign that I am on the right path, even if it is a more expensive one.  Moving to this house has felt right since Jairo first mentioned it.  I am excited, despite feeling financially pressed.

I can't believe it is Friday already.  At dinner tonight I was talking to Walter's girlfriend, Reyna, and Joss about how time flies by so quickly for me here.  It seems like it should be Wednesday, not Friday.  I like weekdays for the first time in my life.  Weekends are good too, but not as good as being at the Breakfast Program.  I am looking forward to Monday already!

Into the mind of an artist

Today Lourdes made it back to the breakfast program.  She is clearly in a lot of pain and is having a hard time even walking.  I don't like seeing her like this.  Her mother and brother were also in the car when Jairo and Lourdes picked me up.  We headed off toward the church, but at the main intersection we turned the wrong way.  Then we pulled into a gas station, but instead of getting gas we sat there.  I had no clue what we were doing, but I don't ask.  I usually try to go along for the ride and enjoy things as they come.  This was a really cool surprise!

Finally a lady with a strange eye and lots of eye shadow came along.  She climbed into the van and greeted everyone cheerfully and loudly.  She chatted non-stop except when she remembered to give Jairo directions, which has not consistent.

We went through a few city roads then onto dirt roads and up a very steep hill.  Nestor and I were happy the van was strong enough to get up there.  Finally the woman told Jairo to pull over after the red pick up truck. She hopped out, told us all to come, and opened up a metal gate.  Lourdes said she wanted to wait in the car since her back was hurting.  Turned out that was a good choice because we were about to enter a world of tiny stone stairs that have been there for many years.  Instead of a house, behind the gate were these rock stairs.  At that point I didn't expect those stairs to be the widest, safest part of our journey.

When I got to the foot of the stairs I looked around.  My eyes didn't know where to land!

A village of little houses in the process of being painted:

Or my favorite, a big house with a tree:

And then we came upon the rooms of animals:

Deer

Elephants

A room of wood work

A space that overlooked the city which was full of plants.
I found out at this point that we are here because this place is owned by the cousin of two girls who attend the breakfast program.  He wants to donate plants to the church, to Lourdes and Jairo, to the church in La Tigra, and to Lourdes' mother!

Over the plant beds you can see the entire city and the mountains beyond

Then we took more pictures, just for fun.

Nestor and a serpent

Watch out for that tongue!

Elephants

Jairo and the artist with a horse, elephant, snake giraffe and at deer in the back

We ascended the stairs

Some final works of art on the way out the door

They gave me a whole bag of gifts!
Now I have a village with a giant pink flamingo in my kitchen.

At the breakfast program the kids were all circled up when we arrived.  There was an empty seat next to Lorenzo.  He and the boy next to him were preparing to concentrate for prayer by putting their heads down on their lap, so he didn't see me as I sat down.  I rubbed his back.  He said my name  in an excited voice, then peeked up to confirm that he was right.  He was happy again today.  He even asked if he could shower, which is a big deal for Lorenzo.  We used to have to physically drag him into the shower, take his clothes off, and bathe him while he screamed at the top of his lungs the whole time.  He played on the swing set until the shower was open, then went in on his own accord.  As he left he showed Lourdes that his backpack had a big rip all along the seam on the bottom.  Lourdes told him she will look and see if we have any back packs.  He really does need a new one.

I talked to Lourdes about how much Marlin has been talking about getting a job.  I said, "Lourdes!  What will we do if Marlin gets a job?"

Lourdes said, "We will cook."

Oh boy.  I don't know how to cook Honduran food for 80 kids!  But I may be learning soon.

It felt so good to have no headache for 2 days in a row!  Eunice asked me why I was so happy today.  I said I think it is because I finally don't have a headache.  I was full of energy to play with the kids, clean the kitchen and run errands for people.  It felt great.

When we got home Lourdes stopped in for a visit.  We showed her how Laura is walking, but Laura seemed to be in a very serious mood, which is unusual.  After Lourdes left, Fani, Laura, Santos and I stayed out on the front patio. Laura walked between us.  She is doing 3-5 steps easily.  She even turn around 180 degrees by herself!  I love watching her learn to walk.  I never got to see my nephews learn to walk, so it is really cool.

Here are some pictures we took last week.  Laura is 10 months old today.

Laura loves to kick the fútbol!

If you say "Aplauso" she breaks into a grin and claps her hands

Lorenzo ♥

Yesterday as I was walking around, cleaning up, I passed by Lorenzo sitting on the steps to Jairo's office.  He looked sad.  And dirty.  He usually looks dirty, but sad is unusual.  I sat down and put my arm around him.  Lorenzo LOVES physical affection.  He can't get enough hugs.  And now that we have given him enough uniforms and clothes he usually doesn't smell bad, so you don't have to smell like stinky, dirty boy for the rest of the day if you hug him.

I hugged him and rubbed his back, but he just sat there looking upset.  I asked what was wrong.  He didn't speak.  Then his partner in crime (literally), Maria Angelica, came and sat on the other side of him.  She asked what was wrong too, but still he stared straight ahead.  So I hugged him and held him for a few minutes.  Don Juan came by.  He squatted down and looked at Lorenzo eye level.  He asked if someone had hit him.  (I think he was referring to someone at home.)  Still no response.  (I always look for signs of physical abuse, but have never seen any.)

Lorenzo during free time in the preschool class

Lorenzo is a skinny little guy.  He is always dirty.  He is extremely malnourished.  He is, as my mother would say, "A Love".  He very short and only has clothes that fit him if the church provides them.  I think Lorenzo is wonderful.

This man had to change his shirt after this picture because it smelled so strongly

So Lorenzo, Maria Angelica and I sat on the step.  (I often think about what will happen to Lorenzo and Maria Angelica when it is no longer "cool" to have a girl for your best friend.  I had a boy for my best friend from the time were were babies until fourth grade.  He moved away from my neighborhood, but stayed in the same school.  We grew apart and that was hard for me.  I hope Lorenzo and Maria Angelica can manage to maintain some sort of relationship as they get older.)

I asked Lorenzo if he was angry.  Nothing.  Then I asked if he was angry with me, since he wasn't responding to me.  Finally acknowledgement.  He looked up at me and smiled, then looked down.  He wasn't mad at me.  I hugged him for a while longer.  Then it was time for him to go.

Today Lorenzo sat next to me in the prayer circle.  Before I even realized he was there he took my arm and draped it around his shoulders just like yesterday.  I looked over and saw little Lorenzo looking up at me from under my arm.  I gave him a real hug.  He held my other hand - the one that wasn't hugging him - on his lap.  As I spoke to the group about today's expectations  he opened his tiny hand, placed my thumb so it filled his palm, rubbed my painted thumbnail with tenderness, then closed his whole hand around my thumb.  It was so beautiful!  I love Lorenzo.  I am going to be more intentional about hugging him each day.  Hugs are like nourishment for Lorenzo.

Lorenzo got over his fear of water!

Lorenzo and Merlin are Kings for a day!

Because of his size, at 8 Lorenzo is still able to sneak into the preschool class

Lorenzo in his Honduras fútbol uniform from K2!

Warning: Proceed at your own free will

This post comes with a warning.  I am frustrated about some things and will be complaining.  Probably a lot. So if you don't want to read frustrated complaints, please feel free to skip today's post.  But first let me give thanks to God because my friend Pat is out of bed and standing!  Yesterday morning he could barely lift his hand to his face.  Last night he stood.  Today he began physical therapy!!!  Praise God!

I am also grateful for the following:  We had plenty of food to feed all of the kids with huge portions of meat sauce, rice and tortillas today; I got to spend some time talking with Anna who has lived here 6 years but was born and raised in Colorado so we can talk about gringa things; The kids were awesome today; Lourdes was able to stay home and rest again today; Jairo spoke with the owners of the house in the mountains and they definitely want to rent it to me, it's only a matter of when the house will be ready for me to move in now; I found Tide brand detergent and splurged so I have clean clothes with no dirty stains for the first time in 6 months; The weather has been nice lately; My yard looks GORGEOUS after it was all trimmed yesterday and I cleaned it today;  I have a great taxi driver who does his best to always help me out; MY HEADACHE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I came home from the breakfast program and fell asleep.  I slept through Fany and Santos cutting the grass with a loud grass cutter machine right outside my bedroom window.  I was embarrassed because usually I help them with yard work.  I am afraid they thought I was being lazy and didn't want to help.  (Actually I love yard work.)  It would be very hard for them to believe that anyone could sleep through that noise.  But that is how I am when I have a headache.  I sleep all of the time until it's gone.  The good news is that for the first time in more than a week, I don't have a headache today.  I came home and cleaned up all of the trimmings and the leaves.  Our yard looks so nice!  I'm sure they will be happy to see it when they get home.

Here is my first complaint.  I raked the yard with a rake that had only 2/3rds of the teeth.  In the US, we would have called the rake useless and bought another.  Here we are grateful to have a rake with 2/3rds of the teeth.

Also, I got irritated at the Breakfast Program because when Lourdes is not there everyone has their own idea of how things should go.  I am open to ideas.  Yesterday I made a suggestion, but someone else decided to do things differently.  We spent an extra two hours when we would have been done if we had used my suggestion.

Today we had a lot of food and not so many kids.  I was sitting outside with the first group and many couldn't finish what they had on their plate.  They ended up feeding it to the birds.  We have taught them that if they are not hungry, just let us know and we will give them less food so they are not wasteful. When the second group came, two asked for smaller portions.  I called inside and asked Marlin for two smaller plates.  She understands why, and was fine, but someone else said that everyone gets the same size and they have to eat it all.  Let me tell you - I couldn't have eaten all that was on that plate.  So I went inside to try to explain.  The person said we have too much food and it will go to waste so they have to eat a big plate.  From my point of view the food goes to waste if the kids can't eat it and it gets fed to the pigeons.  But if they ask for a smaller portion and we have food left over at the end of the day, either the adults eat it for lunch, or we save it for tomorrow, or Marlin can take it home for her family.  In the end let's just say the birds were fed well today.

This leads me to another problem.  Lourdes tries to always give Marlin anything we have that is extra but Marlin is talking more and more about getting a job.  I can't blame her.  She needs to have an income for her family.  But without Marlin I don't know what will happen to the breakfast program.  She cooks all of the food every day and cleans everything afterward.  I help when I'm not with the kids and sometimes a couple of other mothers show up for an hour or two, but Marlin really does everything.  She is the first to arrive and the last to go home.  I have talked to Jairo about raising money to pay Marlin, but he said the church cannot do it because it would be illegal.  Plus I can't even raise enough money to pay my own bills yet, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.  Basically what I'm saying is that Marlin does all of the hardest work as a volunteer and she may have to leave.  I am very worried that it will happen sooner than later.  We have no one else who is reliable and/or competent to do this job.  Also, Lourdes and I really like working with Marlin.

Clara is still in the hospital waiting for surgery.

I know this sounds really petty, but it is driving me crazy!  My hair is literally falling out by then handful.  I am not exagerrating.  When I shower, when I brush it, and all throughout the day my hair is falling out.  I can feel a huge difference when I put it in a pony tail.  I think about 1/3 of my hair has already fallen out.  My pony tail is more like a cat tail.  Today I considered shaving my head.  At this rate it may never grow back.  It is starting to effect my self esteem.  It is also very irritating to have my house and my clothes covered in hair.  The other day a friend looked at me with a disgusted look and handed me a hair, saying this is yours.  I apologized and explained that my hair is falling out.  I bought vitamins and am eating beans until I am almost not fit for society, because that is what the internet suggested.  I don't know what else to do.  Already it will take years for my hair to grow back.  I know, it's just hair.

So these are my complaints.  I fully realize that in the grand scheme of things, my complaints are pretty lame.  Some are even laughable.  But today I needed to vent.  98% of the time I am a positive person and I write about positive things.  Today I am grumpy.  For no specific reason.  I am not having any feelings of wanting to return home, or that I am not supposed to be here.  I still love Honduras.  I realize that I should be more grateful and less grumpy.  Unfortunately, as I sit to write today, I am still grumpy.  And my hair is still falling out.  And the neighbors are burning their garbage just as I hung my sheets out to dry. Well, at at least it's not raining!  And at least I have food, a roof over my head, many people who love me, and the opportunity to serve in this awesome place.

Please pray that God's will be done when it comes to Marlin.  My hope is that it is God's will for her to cook for the Breakfast Program, but we'll see.

Okay.  A funny story to finish.  Today I was sitting with the second group and one of the bigger boys, I think it was Mainor, was next to me.  He had about 3 bites of rice left on his plate, and he was struggling to finish.  I told him it's only three bites, I know he can do it.  He got this horrible look on his face and said "Perdon", then he turned away from me.  I thought he was going to vomit!  But he let out a huge burp.  Then he looked really embarrassed.  He said "Perdon" again.  I laughed and said, "I bet you have room for more food now!"  Then he laughed too and gobbled down his last three bites.  I never saw a boy be so embarrassed to burp!  Someone is teaching him good manners.   :)

Taking care of business

As of today, I have exactly one month to gain residency, or I will have to leave the country for three days to maintain a proper status with my passport.  Can't believe I have been here almost 6 months already!

Since there was no drinkable water in the house this morning, I bolted out of bed at 6:23 when I heard "Aguaaaaaa!"  Of course the water man was on the block behind the house, where I can hear him best.  I got dressed and grabbed my money, ready to play this game again.  I still think the water man taunts me.  Today it sounded like he passed by the house twice after that.  He must have changed his route because each time I ran to the front gate there was nobody there.  I gave up and showered, worried he would come while I was showering.  Finally I heard him again, but this time I only stood outside my door listening.  He was outside the gate!  I ran down the driveway and caught him as he was headed down the hill.  First task of the day - complete.  Jett and I have water for another 2 weeks.

Then I was ready to go to the Breakfast Program, but it was only 8:30.  (Yes, I spent 2 hours chasing after the illusive water man.)  I considered taking a taxi to the church early, but realized today is pancake day so they wouldn't need help cooking.  I grabbed my devotional and decided to use the time wisely until Jairo came.

Lourdes wasn't in the car today when Jairo picked me up.  I was surprised.  She has every Monday off.  Apparently she spent the whole day ironing.  Now her back is hurting a lot and she didn't sleep at all last night.  We stopped and got a newspaper. Jairo asked if I had heard about the mass killing yesterday.  Apparently someone entered a business building and started shooting randomly, killing 15 people.

I talked to Jairo about how I feel torn about how to punish the kids.  I asked for an example of when they should be sent home with no food.  He said very sternly, "Yesterday."  And then it hit me.  It is not really ME that is sending them home with no food.  They know the expectations of the Breakfast Program.  If they choose not to behave appropriately, it is THEIR behavior that causes them to go home with no food.  Okay.  I get it.  Jairo told me that if anyone misbehaved today, they will be suspended from the Breakfast Program for the rest of the week!  Needless to say, we fed about 50 perfect angels today.  Lourdes and Walter were not there, but the kids prayed, ate, cleaned and did not hit each other.  I made sure to send a text to Lourdes to tell her how well the kids did today.  I told her if she needs another day at home, we are doing fine.  At least I don't feel like a complete failure today.

Yesterday I contacted my boss at my last job, where I was known as one of the strictest staff of all.  In fact my nickname was "Sarg" for Sergeant.  He pointed out to me that the boys I used to work with in the US were in the position to be disciplined because they had done awful things to deserve to be there.  (I used to work with sex offenders.)  The kids at the Breakfast Program are in bad situations through no fault of their own.  He said maybe that is why I am having a harder time disciplining them.  He was right!  That was exactly it!

I kept that in mind today when one of the boys was disrespectful.  He has no mother and no father in the home with him.  He is raised by siblings who tell him he is worthless.  He has no control over anything in his whole life.  So when he is a little disrespectful, I need to keep in mind the delicate balance of teaching him how to behave appropriately, while still understanding that he lives in a world that I can never comprehend.  In the grand scheme of things if he wants to laugh and giggle when I reprimand him, that is not so bad.  I will pick my battles.  I will learn to be more consistent with him.  I will show him love even when his behavior is frustrating or disrespectful, but also give the discipline he needs to be a successful member of society.  It surely is a delicate balance!

I got a lot of emails today about my friend Pat, who has been unconscious in ICU for weeks.  He is mostly conscious now, but weak.  He may leave the ICU today!  We are giving praise for this.

On the other hand Clara, the mother of Estefany and Karla, has been in the hospital for a few days.  She keeps getting moved from room to room until the doctors have time to operate on her.  We are not exactly sure what is wrong with Clara.  She first had a herniated disc, but now she has horrible pain, sometimes with a lot of swelling and occasionally a rash, in seemingly random places on her body.  Her girls are both teens.  They seem to be holding up well, waiting for their Mom to have surgery.  In the kind of hospital that she can afford, they never know when she will go into surgery.  Basically it is whenever the doctors have time and nobody is there in worse condition than she.

The older kids had their class about self esteem today with the psychologist.  They love the class, but it makes a long day for us.  When everything was almost completely clean and only 3 kids were left eating, I saw Jario headed for his car.  I asked if he was going to pick up Josselyn.  He said yes, and he could drop me off on the way home.

Here not many teenagers drive.  Jairo is the only one who drives in his family.  That leaves a lot of responsibility in Jairo's hands.  He has to get Joss to and from school every day.  He usually drives me to and from the breakfast program.  Lately he has been having to care for Lourdes' mother and brother as well.  They are struggling and need a lot of help in various ways.  On top of taking care of everyone, he has a full time job at the church.  It is not easy to be in Jairo's shoes.  I told Jairo that if I get the house in the mountains I would be happy to pick up Joss from school every day and take her home.  That would help a little.

So, the Breakfast Program went smoothly today.  It was a much better day than yesterday.  Pat is doing better, Lourdes is having a tough time, Clara is waiting for surgery and I am going to pick some limes from my lime tree and make some corn on the cobb, with lime and salt.  Yum!  I love picking things fresh from the trees outside my house.  Looks like a thunderstorm is rolling in.  Evening thunderstorms are common and the  perfect way to relax at the end of the day.  I am already looking forward to tomorrow!

Delicate Balance

This morning the phone rang right at the same time that Jairo normally calls me to walk up to the pulperia to meet him.  It was Jairo, but he asked me if I could take a cab to the breakfast program.  The van is still not running right.  Luckily my taxista was up on the corner where he sits when he doesn't have another customer, so I got to the church quickly.  When I got there the place was FULL of kids.  Today is a holiday - teacher's day, so there is no school.  Marlin had them all circled up, ready to pray, but then she breaks it to me.  I have to sing with them until they have time to cook more food because there are more kids than food.  This has never happened before.

I don't know many songs in Spanish, so I had to ask the kids for help.  The girls were very helpful, but the older boys were just the opposite.  Eunice had to come out of the office to punish one of them.  Then I ended up punishing three more.  Punishment at the breakfast program means getting your food last.  It also means sitting separately from the rest of the group while we are singing and praying.  Tomorrow Lourdes will talk to the older boys.  I have a hard time because really, the way they were behaving they should have been asked to leave.  But I just can't ask them to leave knowing I am taking away what may be the only food they get all day.  Lourdes will figure out how to handle things tomorrow, because otherwise this could be a weekly occurance now that Lourdes stays home every Monday.

The good news is that they did clean every dish and leave early.  The adults had eaten and cleaned up by 1pm.  I was about to call my taxista to take me back home when Jairo arrived.  Then Lourdes' mother and brother came.  They had been at the hospital.  It was a long day for them.  At  5 a.m. they got on a bus and were held up at knife point.  Nestor, Lourdes' brother, was almost in tears as he spoke of it.  He has had a rough few days.  Last week he lost his job at the airport and now today he and his mother were held up at knife point.  I think he felt bad that he couldn't protect his mother.  He is a little bit mentally delayed.  To me, it is not that noticeable.  He is a kind man and a hard worker.  Lourdes' mother said this is the first time in her life that she has ever been held up.  

On the way home I was telling Walter I felt bad for Nestor because he is still really upset.  Walter laughed.  I asked why he would laugh when Nestor was almost crying.  Walter said it's over and in the past.  Now all you can do is laugh.  I didn't feel like laughing.  But I do feel grateful that they are both unharmed, just shaken up.

I feel bad that I can't control all of the kids when Lourdes and Walter aren't there.  I think it would have been fine if the food was ready, but having to entertain them all with children's songs is hard.  The older kids don't like to sing silly kids' songs.  I wish I could have done better.  Sadly, I think the way I could have done better is punish them more quickly and maybe even more strongly.  I'll have to talk to Lourdes about how to handle this in the future.  And also talk to the kitchen about having food ready on Mondays so we can pray, feed them, and they can leave.  It is just really disappointing when the younger kids behave well and it is the older kids (who should be setting a good example) who have the poorest behavior.  Today was not the best day.  But we fed almost 60 kids so I guess the basic point of the program was met.  I just like it so much more when we can have fun and enjoy our time together.  I don't like having to be strict with them.  These kids have such a difficult lives, I like the church to be their refuge.

A new boy I don't know was pretending to karate chop the boy next to him while we were praying.  The boy next to him ignored it.  I tried getting his attention but he was too busy karate chopping.  Finally I walked over and stood in front of the karate chopper.  I whispered firmly, "We are praying!"  Then I lifted my right arm to make the motion of covering my own eyes.  (If they have trouble concentrating Lourdes taught them to cover their eyes.)  But when I lifted my arm up he jumped back in his seat and covered his face with his hands.  After seeing that reaction I knew he has definitely been hit before.  He thought I was going to hit him!  I felt horrible.  I asked him to have respect for God and sit quietly.  I should have told him that I will never, ever hit him.

We can't imagine what these kids' home lives are like.  For that reason I am not quick to discipline them, although it might be what they need most.  In the US when I worked with boys I never had this problem.  I was always one of the strictest staff.  But here it is so different.  I am still trying to find the delicate balance.

Sunday

I finally got out of bed today and went to church.  I've had a horrible migraine that will not go away.  I hope maybe tomorrow...  Fany has been checking in on me.  I had migraines once before here.  It's strange, whenever I get migraines Fany's husband has them as well, so tonight I tried allergy meds, just for the heck of it because nothing else has helped.  Maybe allergies are the reason we both have been complaining of migraines at the same time.

Friday I got out of bed long enough to do a little photo shoot for Fany's daughter, Laura.  We took a bunch of pictures of Laura and posted them on Facebook so family can see how Laura has grown.

At church today they asked me to take up the collection.  That was really nice.  It made me feel like an official member of the church since I have never done it before.  I also enjoyed that one of the Moms from Los Pinos whom I don't know very well chose to sit next to me.  She is the mother of some of my favorite kids.  Her daughter, Cindi, is in preschool.  Her son, Christian (Conejo) stole my heart years ago.  She knows I adore her kids.

After church we all bought soup and sat and ate together.  The soup had tripe in it, which I have avoided until now.  Today I ate it and it was good!  But then my headache kicked in.

Karla brought Dana Sophia and Valery over today so they could "know" my cat.  That's how you say it in Spanish.  Now they know Jett.  She was so good for them.  She didn't hide.  She played and let them pet her.  She is a good example for people who don't know much about cats.

As they were leaving Karla said listen.  We heard a parade coming.  Yesterday was Independence Day in Honduras.  I thought maybe this would be another Independence Day parade.  It was only a couple blocks from my house.  But Karla said it was a political parade.  Sometimes political activities can be violent, so I didn't go check it out.

After Karla left I fell asleep.  Now I'm awake long enough to drink some water, take some Benedryl and get caught up on this.  I am praying that the Benedryl will work and my head will be better by tomorrow because Lourdes has Mondays off from now on, so I will be running the breakfast program.

I talked with my possible future landlord.  The house in the mountains has hot water, which I have never seen in a house here.  It also has a balcony off the bedroom!  I told him I would really like to live in the mountains.  He said he would like for me to rent the house, but he is not sure when it will be done.  I am supposed to go see the house soon.  Maybe Friday.  I like where I live now, but I would love to live in the mountains!

El Dia de Niño

Today we celebrated El Dia de Niño (The Day of the Child) although the actual holiday was yesterday.  The church celebrated on Sunday, the schools celebrated yesterday, the First Lady's sister threw a party for the Breakfast Program today and we will have our own party for the kids on Thursday.  Can you tell this is an important holiday here?  At the time this photo was taken, there were 89 kids.  More came as morning classes let out.

Before the First Lady's sister arrived we had a time of prayer.  The kids prayed for Pat and K2, as they always do.  They also gave thanks for the special party they are having today.  They don't know we are doing another party Thursday.  They will be so surprised!  But this way we don't have to worry about having the whole neighborhood show up.  Today there were about 7 kids whom we've never seen before, which was less than I expected.  Lourdes talked to the kids about their attendance, going around the whole circle to address each of them individually.  She explained that the party is a gift for them, for the kids who are here every day participating in the program.  Why should they give their gift to someone who never participates any other day, but shows up for the party?

The kids prayed for the boys from El Sembrador.  The boys all stood up and received the prayer as well as advice from the kids.  They talked to the group about how hard they have to study and that they have to be well behaved because they represent the church.  Next year Lourdes intends to send five additional boys to the private school if they can pass the entrance exam.  It is very expensive, but it gets them away from Los Pinos and for some, away from unhealthy family situations.  For all of them it is their greatest chance to have a productive life.

Then the fancy trucks began to arrive.  Lourdes kept the kids busy singing while they hung piñatas.  They even had a jumping contest!  Memo (far left) is tiny, but he can jump!

Finally three piñatas were hung across the church rafters.

I didn't know that they would be replaced with three more piñatas which were waiting in the wings!

The First Lady's sister went around the circle and gave everyone a high five.  Of course there were a few, like Lorenzo and Daniel, who disregarded protocol and jumped into her arms for a hug.

The First Lady's Sister introduced three young ladies who painted the kids faces, and three more ladies who braided hair and painted fingernails.  (The girls got some nice pampering!)

The hair and nail painting station

Beautiful Vanessa

There was a Superman piñata, Hello Kitty, a Smurf, Mickey Mouse, Scooby Doo and Snow White.  I had never been to a piñata party before and I was in charge of all of the younger kids!  Luckily I had the help of a lady who had clearly done this before and Marlin too, since she didn't have to cook anything today.

She took Memo and Carlos under her wing

Belkis got some good swings in

Violet is smiling!  (Not crying)  Misael waited patiently.

Go Violet!

Good job Memo!

We had some near misses with the big stick but nobody in my group was hit

They gathered the candy in their shirts

And then we lined up for lunch.

Little ones first!  These are the kids in preschool class:

All of the kids until you get to the black shirts attend preschool with me

They ate subs, chips, and pineapple turnover.  They each got a box of toys, a box of food and a cup of coke.  They really wanted to take the food home to their family.  We had to really push them to eat their food.  Some had never had a sandwich before and really didn't know how to eat a sandwich.  The held it like an ice cream cone and nibbled on the end.  I had to show them how to eat the sandwich.  When the food was mostly eaten, the did a really good job cleaning up.  I noticed that our circle was the cleanest of all the age groups!  I'll tell them tomorrow I was proud of how clean they left our area and also how good most of their manners were.

The First Lady's sister came over and said goodbye.  She talked to each of them individually and asked some of their names.  She was really sweet to them and they seemed to like her.

Here are some cute photos for you to enjoy ~

Lorenzo :)

Upside down Meylin

Violet asleep on the ground.  Again.

Big sister always takes good care of little brother

Silly boys

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Afterward we were all a little slap happy with the success of the party.
Jairo pretended to preach in his special jacket to entertain the adults.

In the evening I did some errands with Jose and Karla.  Karla took me to a store called STOCK.  It has everything you could ever want from underwear to furniture to toolboxes and food!  We found some meds at the pharmacy that I've been paying big bucks for my Mom to send from the US.  Here they are over the counter and waaaaaay cheaper.  That was an exciting find and saved me a trip to the Dr. for the migraines I've been getting lately.

When I got home I let Estrella out of the front house.  She ran to my doorstep where we both found this:

on my doorstep!  I was in a sticky situation.  The cat was trying to get out, so I couldn't open the door, but the dog kept lying down on top of the spider, begging me to pet her tummy!  What a pickle!!  Finally I picked up the dog, stepped over the spider, threw open the door and ran inside.  That was when I realized the gate wasn't locked and I had to go back out there.  Needless to say I'm still alive.  The gate is locked.  And last I checked, the spider was still there.  I think it's a tarantula.