I finally made it to church today. I missed the last two weeks. Everyone kept saying they were glad to see I am better. For some reason, that was really frustrating. I couldn't tell them that I really don't feel better.
Singing was hard because of the shortness of breath. The message included a lot of personal time with God. Sitting with my head in my hands during those times helped me make it through the service. I was still exhausted by the time it was over.
Two people at church got Chikungunya in the very first outbreak a year ago. Both told me they are still in pain, right now, today. I can't even say my spirits were dampened. I would say they were soaked.
Everyone wants to tell you their personal cure. One friend who said he is still in pain today told me to take a spoonful of honey with a touch of lime juice and some baking soda in the morning and at night for joint pain. He hasn't tried it, but he says it's supposed to work. He told me about someone he knows who got a shot for Chikungunya which healed the man. But my friend didn't know what the shot was or where to get it. I never heard of a shot before and seriously doubt its existence. I kept wondering why he never tried these things if he has been in pain for all of these months and believes they would help.
There was a new lady attending church this morning. She just had a loss in her family. It must have been a child or husband. She appeared to be in shock, just sitting there with a look like she was barely hanging in. I felt guilty having a pity party for myself over Chikungunya because I know there are worse things in the world. But right now this feels pretty terrible.
Today I realized that I am really down emotionally, as well as physically. The idea of making it through the work week is daunting. But I have to get back out there at some point, so now is the time. I need to approach it day by day, instead of thinking of the work week as a whole. That makes it seem a little more manageable. And I need to learn to appreciate the good days, without reading into them as a sign that I am getting better because then when I don't feel well the next day, it won't be such a blow.
