Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Parenting is a verb folks

This was supposed to be a happy, cheerful post about how fun the past couple of days have been. They have really been fun! Yesterday was my day to prep for classes. At 8 p.m. my boss sent a text asking if I knew that the school where I lead classes for kids with conduct disorder and Asperger's is on spring break.

I didn't know. In fact there was banana bread in the oven which I baked for them. At least she told me last night so I didn't fight through traffic this morning only to find the school empty.

Yesterday I made a homemade pizza with Honduran cheese, tomatoes and onion. Honduran pizza normally is topped with ham, sausage and pepperoni. Meat, meat and more meat. The people here like their meat. Luckily Fany and I both like veggies. Fany, Laura and I enjoyed the pizza. It was relaxing to make a nice meal for us all to enjoy.

Yesterday when Fany and I walked to the market a lady gave me a ton of old bananas for free so I decided to make banana bread. I put a big piece in Laura's lunchbox for school today with a Napkin Note.

A man who was a grade ahead of me in school has now done a book and is making a movie about connecting with your kids by putting notes on their napkins when you send a packed lunch. Since Fany packs a snack every day for Laura, I thought this could be a good tradition to start.

Laura didn't seem to excited about the napkin note and she didn't eat any of her snack today. But I am going to send another note tomorrow and let her mother take it from there.



Yesterday Laura came home singing "This is the day that the Lord has made..." She sang it all afternoon, all night and woke up this morning still singing it. So it was only fitting that we wrote those words on her napkin. I figured if I drew a picture with the arm gestures that she was doing along with the song, she would figure out what the words say. She's only four so she can't read English or Spanish.

I am accustomed to having my Spanish corrected. In fact I appreciate corrections because it's the best way for me to improve. But every day this week Laura is telling me that my English is wrong. On Monday she came home saying "umbrella". In Spanish the emphasize the first syllable so Laura was saying UM-brella. When I said it correctly she told me no, that is wrong.

I'm not sure if the teacher is saying things wrong, or if Laura still needs more practice.

Yesterday she was saying "tear-grah". I figured out that means tiger, but she told me I am saying tiger wrong too. So, I've given up trying to correct. Sometimes I'll slip the word into our conversation. Today it was the same with "thirteen" and "sixteen". I don't say those right either.

In any case she is learning a ton! It seems like she has a great school and a really nice teacher. Yesterday she came home talking about a snake and a tree in Spanish. Finally I figured out she was saying "Adam and Eve" ("Ada a Eaf"). It is interesting how much the teacher can cram into four hours of class. I'm impressed.

Today was supposed to be a really, really full day for me. In the future Wednesdays will be long. But today everything was cancelled.

Normally I will have the class for the kids in the private school every Wednesday morning. In the afternoon I will help a coworker with her club for the teens. And every Wednesday evening we have our prayer group at church.

Today the private school was on spring break, the club for teens is postponed until next week. We are still reviewing the surveys to analyse who will take the place of the kids who graduated. We don't want to start the new year without them. I was having a nice, peaceful day, eating banana bread and getting a lot of bible study done.

Then I got a horrible call from Erika which lasted until it was too late to go to my prayer group. So nothing about my day went as planned. Instead of a 12 hour work day, I only left the house to take banana bread to the lady who gave me free bananas. (She was really happy.)

Here's the reason why my joy disappeared today: Erika has a 13 year old sister named Kenya. I was worried about Kenya a month ago because she didn't have the photo she needed to go to school. She missed the first week, but I found out too late to do anything about it. When I checked in about it the next week, Kenya was in school.

Today Erika told me that her brothers don't have the books they need to study and her mother wants to know if I will buy them. I asked how Kenya is doing, figuring she needed more stuff than her younger brothers. Erika said her mother sent Kenya to live with her grandmother. That worried me because that is exactly what happened when Erika got pregnant.

Erika said that Kenya left home and didn't come back for three nights, so her mother kicked Kenya out. But then Kenya was at the house, so I don't know how kicked out she really is. Apparently she is only sleeping at her Grandparent's house.

Then Erika said her mother wanted to know if I could pay Kenya to do odd jobs because Kenya is refusing to go to school.

That was when my heart broke.

A year ago at this time Erika was desperate to go to school. The week before Easter we tried to enroll her but her elementary school wouldn't release her paperwork for her to go to Jr High. When we finally got the paperwork the week after Easter they told us they would only take new students until Easter. We had missed the deadline by two days. So Erika had to wait until February 2016 to study.

You all know what happened next. Erika got pregnant in May and now, with two babies, no matter how much she wishes she could study, her life is on a different path. She talks about going to school when her second baby is in kindergarten, four years from now.

But Kenya doesn't have any excuses. She simply doesn't want to study. She is 13 years old and, like many other Hondurans her age, she is dropping out of school.

I told Erika very directly that no, I will not pay Kenya to do anything for me. I said I will do what I can if she is doing her part by going to school. But if Kenya is choosing to throw her life in the garbage by not going to school, I can't save her. Harsh, I know, but the message was intended more for Erika's Mother than for Erika. Erika knows that. She is always the message bearer.

Then I asked to talk to Kenya. I started out gently but eventually I talked to her in a straightforward way, although not as strongly as I had worded it when I talked to Erika. Kenya just giggled and said she doesn't want to go to school anymore. She said it's too hard to explain why. I said nobody wants to study. Nobody wants to go to school. I sure didn't want to. But we have to in order to have a decent life!

Then the battery on her phone died.

I went over to Fany's house very upset. I told Fany that I am so sick of parents who let kids do whatever they want to do! Nobody makes their kids eat their vegetables, take a bath, go to school - it doesn't matter if the kid is two years old or 13 like Kenya. Once a child is old enough to say, "I don't want to," the parent is no longer in control.

A five year old doesn't want to eat food. He only wants cookies and chips. So he is scrawny and skinny. His mother is worried about his health. But she keeps giving him cookies and chips. Then she asks me to buy him vitamins. She doesn't consider making him eat table food. Why? Because he doesn't want to.

Another mother tells her three year old, "It's time to take a bath." As soon as the girl whines, "I don't want to," the mother walks away, defeated.

In Honduras the magic words are not "please" or "thank you". Here the magic words are "I don't want to." I see it in households of poverty right up to the more educated families. And I see the way it is hurting the children.

If I said, "I don't want to," to my mother I know exactly how she would respond. She would say, "I don't care what you want. You will do as I say."

I'm pretty sure my heart hurts more than anyone else's about Kenya dropping out of school at 13. Maybe her parents' hearts hurt, but I'm not sure.

So, that is why my joy is gone.

I told Fany, sometimes I wonder why I am a missionary in a country where people don't want to help themselves. Fany told me that people have grown accustomed to getting free handouts and it has ruined the society. Nobody wants to work to earn anything. She said even if they have a job, people don't see a need to do their best and earn their salary or position.

I know that is not 100% true. There are people out there like Don Juan, the guard at the church where I used to serve. He did all of his job requirements and much, much more. My previous landlords were also very hard workers who were strict with their children. But I see them as the minority and I am very, very worried for this place.

How am I supposed to help people who don't have hope for the future? Who don't believe they can have a better life?

And why did God send me to a place where everyone likes so much meat? (Haha. That was supposed to lighten things up.)

I want vegetables and kids whose parents will stand up and parent. Parenting is a verb too folks!

I don't mean to be negative. The strange thing about being a blogger is, my most negative blogs are the ones that get the most hits. I bet this one will have double the readers of my normal, everyday blogs. Do people like negativity? I hope not. I hate to share it.

However, this is what is going on in my life in Honduras today. So this is what I am writing about. It has actually been building up for a while and I feel very passionate about it. I think this thing with Kenya brought it all to a head.

Kenya said she is babysitting tomorrow (and my car is in the shop anyway) so I am going to see her at noon on Friday. I don't know what exactly I can do. But at the very least I want to talk to her and make sure she understands the gravity of the choice she is making right now. Since it is still before Easter, I am praying she will choose to go back to school before she throws away a year of her life.

After meeting with Kenya on Friday, Clara's daughter, Karla, and I are having lunch together. Praise God for Karla. She gives me hope for the future of this country. She is going to college, teaching kindergarten, and trying to start her own business. She is a light and an example.