Lorenzo, Carlos, Junior, Alejandra, Kristofer, Erika, Marjory, Samuel, Isa and Jired

Today was our women's group.  We are thinking that because of the party on Friday, and the fact that 90% of the people I know either have Dengue, Chikungunya, or a nasty cold, the turnout today was not what we expected.  It was basically my closest friends and Molly's closest friend.  However, I am sure they will turn up for the Mother's Day Celebration on Friday.  People come out of the woodwork if they think there will be free stuff.  And we have some good free stuff!

I was fine with the low turnout today.  It was not discouraging to me at all.  Partly because I have this cold that everyone else has and I know I might have chosen to stay home and rest if I were them.  But more than that, I know this is all in God's hands.  He is not going to send us to sit in an empty building when there is so much need in Los Pinos.  For some reason I believe He wanted us to meet with only those specific ladies today.

Ana is not able to cook at the church because her bones are so achy.  Also, Isa is still sick and Samuel, who was the last healthy person in the family, got a fever last night.  He ended up puking in the middle of our bible study.  Poor guy was not full of his usual vim and vigor.  This bug that is going around doesn't respond to fever meds at all.  Everyone has a fever that won't subside for days.  Erika said that her whole body felt itchy.  I don't know what that means.  I considered buying an antihistamine, but didn't because she is breast feeding.  We talked about going to see Dr. Gustavo after we ate, but she said she didn't need to.  Her eyes were super droopy.  I offered to take her home early, but she chose to go to McDonalds (for her first time ever!) instead.  Her baby, Marjory, has now tried Pizza Hut, Wendy's and McDonalds.  I do believe McDonalds is her favorite, as well as her mother's.  Marjory LOVES french fries and her eyes lit up each time she bit into her mom's Big Mac.  I feel horrible for taking them to these disgusting fast food places.  Normally I literally never eat fast food.  But it is inexpensive and safe, so that is where we go.  Burger King is next, unless Erika decides she is addicted to Big Macs.  She told me in Spanish that her Big Mac was "more than good".

As I was dropping off  Erika she said, "There are my brothers."  They were all coming down the hill, so I stopped.  First they all asked for Erika and Marjory.  My windows are so dark, they couldn't see them in the back seat.  I rolled down the window and they all started cooing at Marjory.  They each love her so much!  It was adorable.

Carlos said to me, "I have a clean shirt on!"  I didn't understand what that meant until later when I realized it was his way of saying that he was ready to go out to eat with me again.  Hahaha!  They all looked happy and healthy, and clean too - as Carlos pointed out.  Last week Carlos had Dengue.  Now their parents have it.

Lorenzo said they were headed to get "sticks" which I learned means pieces of cut wood.  I assume they were using it to cook dinner.  The person selling wood was only a few feet away and in the direction that I go to turn around, so I asked if they wanted a ride and they all piled into my car.

As we turned around a man who knew them said. "Oh wow!  Look at them riding in style!"  The boys were thrilled.  Lorenzo directed me to exactly where he wanted me to stop and I waited while they got their wood, then they piled back in car.  I was going to drop them off at the corner, but we were having so much fun riding in the car (sometimes it's the simplest things!) I asked Erika if it was safe for me to drive them farther up.  She said yes.  The road is all paved and well kept.  I drove up to the corner by their house with all of the kids in the back seat.  They loved it.

As we got to where the road comes closest to their house, their dad was out there waiting.  I told him, jokingly, that I picked up three boys on the street, then rolled down the window so he could see them all in the car, each with their piece of wood.  He laughed and grabbed Marjory out of Erika's arms like he couldn't wait to hold her.  He was clearly happy to see Marjory.  She is very well loved in that family.

It is great to see that, although Erika had a baby so young, her family is supportive and not critical.  They all clearly love Marjory a ton.

Erika pointed out their house, which was down a steep hill and up on the other side of the mountain.  It was pieces of metal roofing for walls.  She kept describing it as the "painted" one, so I thought for a minute it was a nicer home above.  Turned out the paint she was talking about was one wall that was half painted orange.  It is a tiny house for 3 rambunctious boys, two teenaged girls, Mom, Dad, and baby Marjory.  I don't even know how they would all fit to lie down in there.  Some day I will take a photo.  It ranks up there with the poorest houses I have ever seen.

The walls were made of this

On the way back down I ran into Alejandra again.  Seems like that girl is always out and about. She is very hyper, so I imagine it would be hard for her to stay at home.  I worry about her.  I gave her a photo I have been carrying with me since last October of her brother Kristofer.  She said he was right down the hill and pointed to where he was sitting at a neighbor's house.  So I drove down to the main road and stopped to talk to him for a while.

I can't remember the last time I saw him.  It's been since at least October.  He looked fine.  He said he doesn't go to the church any more because only 15 or 16 kids go these days.  I assured him that there are about 60, but he was clearly not interested.  He was hanging out with nice, well behaved, older boy, so I took that as a good sign.  I asked where he is eating and he said he eats at home.  At least he is being fed.

Preparation

I must say, Molly and I are good planners.  It helps that we both like to schedule ahead.

Today was our day to run errands and get everything ready for the Mother's Day Celebration on Friday.  I woke up still feeling sick with a sore throat, but I did get a run in.  Then I headed over to pick up Molly.

She went to look at a car today and fell in love with it, but the mechanic told her it was not a good idea to buy that car.  The car itself was good, which made it even harder for her to turn it down, but the mechanic said that parts for a Mazda are impossible to find in Honduras.  So she was disappointed when I arrived.

We headed to the local market and picked up the baskets of food for the Mother's Day Celebration.  The original plan was for 10, but we were able to buy 16 baskets of food with donations we received.  Molly got stuff for the kids to make cards for their mothers.  We picked up plates and forks and all that stuff.  Then we went to the local Dispensa (a cheap grocery store) to see if we could find anything feminine to put inside the mugs we got as a gift for each mother.  The thought is that if we fill the mugs with candy, the kids will eat it all.  So we are searching for something Moms like.

After having no luck at the Dispensa we headed to Pricesmart, which is Costco in Honduras.  Molly added me to her card, which was nice.  I have never had a Costco card before.  We checked out cakes for the Mother's Day Event, with the plan of pre-ordering one.  They had plenty of beautiful big ones and you can do a custom design right there on the spot.  We decided we will drop by Friday morning and pick up what is prettiest and freshest.

Then I made my big Pricesmart purchase of asparagus.  This girl is going to eat tortellini with canned artichokes and fresh asparagus tomorrow!  (Today I have to finish up some tomatoes and avocado that are going to go bad if they are not eaten immediately.  Ahhh...  The joys of fresh veggies in Honduras.)

I called Ana to see how Isa is doing today.  She said the doctors at the clinic agreed with Dr. Gustavo's original diagnosis.  Isa has some stomach thing, an iron deficiency, and sores in her mouth from a high fever.  As I expected they were not able to provide the medicine Isa needed, so I stopped and got the meds, then dropped them off to David who was down by the main road getting a haircut on my way home.  David looked MUY guapo.  He was embarrassed as I OOooooooed and Ahhhhhhed over him in front of a group of men who were hanging out on the corner.

Today Los Pinos was not empty like it was the day Molly prayed.  There was a man sprawled out on his back on the side of the road who was not moving at all.  I hope he was not dead.  The streets were full of people, some of them quite sketchy.  I dropped off the meds for Ana (she can't walk without an expensive pill 3x/day for the chikungunya) and the two prescriptions for Isa, then got out of there.

Tomorrow is our Women's Group.  It will be so interesting to see who comes this week.  The first week we had 12 ladies and a ton of kids.  The second week there were seven new ladies.  So who knows who will show up tomorrow!  I have a great feeling about it.  As I have told Molly, if we only are called to serve 2 women, that is fine with me.  But I think God has big plans for this women's group.  Things Molly and I can't even imagine.  Because that is the God we serve.

Building relationships, not roofs

The retreat was nice.  It wasn't too far from home, which was convenient.  For the first time ever, I was separated into the "older" group.  The younger group was 20's and 30's.  I really didn't like that I have made my way into the "old" group, but in the end I enjoyed being with women who had more life experience.  Some of the women in my group have been missionaries for over 10 years.  That is a lot of experience and wisdom for me to glean from.

A side benefit of being in the older group was that I got my own room because everyone else snored.  Then I slept until almost 9 a.m. with all of the women cooking breakfast, laughing, talking and eating right outside my door.  Normally I could never sleep through all of that noise, but I woke up sick with a sore throat.  I was pretty out of it all morning.

Last night I had nightmares all night because I was sick.  Waking up from nightmares every few hours gave me lots of opportunities to pray about our time in Los Pinos today.  Maybe that's why it was extra good!

Everything was calm again in Los Pinos.  I think they have extra military patrol there.  As we walked out onto the road there was a pickup full of military police going one way and another pickup going the opposite direction.

Things worked out so perfectly there was no doubt God was involved.  There is no possible way we could have done what we did today on our own.  We finally found Osiris's house!  At the last house we visited the woman said that she knows Osiris and told our "body guard" where her house is.

Turns out we've been walking right above Osiris's house every time we go into Los Pinos.  We decided to stop there on our way to the car, just to figure out exactly which one it was.  The houses in that area are really crowded together.  One house could fall on top of Osiris's if it rains too hard.  There are two more houses built pretty close on what appears to be the same property.  They are one room and made of smooth cement.

I walked down to meet Osiris's grandfather, knowing Osiris was still at school and would not be home for hours.  There were quite a few watch dogs to get past on the tiny path to get to her house.  Our body guard took care of those for us, although that seems to be his least favorite part of the job.

At each house we asked for Osiris and the people kept saying "down" until we came to three cement shacks that seemed empty except for a man in a tree.  Then a boy appeared.  He was putting on a school uniform and washing his face as he headed out for afternoon classes.  I asked if he knew Osiris.  He said yes, this is where she lives.  I asked if her grandfather was at home.  The grandfather came from behind the house and right away said he is 80 years old.  He never said his name or gave us any sort of regular greeting.

I told him I was there because Osiris's teacher thought it would be a good idea for me to come by and meet him so that I could ask his permission to spend time with Osiris.  He immediately told me he would like a new roof.  I explained that I was not there to buy him anything, but if we could work out a time, I would like to spend time with Osiris.  He said she gets home around 3 p.m.  That means it takes her 2 hours to walk home from eating at the church after school every day.  I bet it takes a good hour for her to walk to school in the morning.  That is a lot of walking for a hungry little girl.

We decided that I would stop by the next time there is a holiday and meet Osiris at home.  The grandfather didn't stop about the new roof.  He said their beds are getting wet.  I told him I am sorry, but I am visiting with hopes of getting to know Osiris better.  It may be hard for me to work with her.  Clearly for her grandfather, North American = money.  I don't think he ever understood, no matter times I told him, that I was there to build a relationship, not a roof.

Later I was talking to Ana and she told me that all he has to do is put his name on a list with the mayor and he will get a free roof.  Maybe I will help him get his name on that list.  I wonder why he hasn't done that already?

Speaking of Ana, Isabela has not gotten any better.  She has stopped eating and is worse.  Ana hasn't slept since Thursday.  Tomorrow Ana is going to go to the good clinic to get more tests done.  Isabela has all sorts of strange symptoms.  I have no idea what is going on with her.  I am going to call Ana at noon and find out what the clinic said.  Usually they prescribe meds that they are supposed to give away for free, but they never have the prescriptions on hand.  So I will go pick up meds for Ana, who is still sick with the bug bite disease, chikungunya, and get whatever they have prescribed for Isa at the same time.

Besides finding Osiris's house (Which is really a miracle.  It is almost literally like finding a needle in a haystack.) we also found the house of the lady, Mirabel, whose daughters were killed two weeks ago.   Neighbors told us Mirabel was at work so we decided we were done for the day and started walking back to the church where I park my car.  As we were walking along the dirt trail, guess who was headed up the mountain toward us?  Mirabel!  God's timing is so perfect!

We told her we had just come from her house.  She said she had been working.  Molly asked how she is doing.  Mirabel said she is sad.  She was still dressed all in black.  We said we would like to come by on a different day to visit and pray with her if that would be alright.  She said that would be fine.  I am glad that she is not trying to pretend that she feels fine.  It is healthy that she said she is sad, I think.

We reminded her about the women's group on Wednesday and told her we hope she will come.  We reminded her what a great support system it could be for her.  But to be honest, just for this one week, a part of me hopes she doesn't come.  We are going to invite the ladies to a Mother's Day Celebration that we are hosting on Friday.  Mirabel already made it through Mother's Day on Sunday.  It seems like it might be easier for her not to have to think about Mother's Day again this year.

Molly and I ended the day grateful, once again, for the way God continues to put certain people in our path - literally sometimes.  It was great to find Osiris's house and to come upon Mirabel as she walked home today.  Those things seem to confirm that we are on the right path, ourselves.  Right where He wants us to be.

Isa, Ana, Jired, Marjory, Emmanuel, Laura, Anderson and Asmin are sick

Ana called tonight just as I was about to prepare my first meal of the day.  We just spoke yesterday, so it was odd for her to call.  Normally I don't answer and call her right back so she doesn't have to spend her money.  But for the first time ever, I answered.

Ana said that Isabela is very sick and needs to go to the doctor.  She suggested a clinic by my house, but I know two kids who have had serious problems from seeing doctors there (one was just today), so I suggested Dr. Gustavo.  Ana forgot that Dr. Gustavo has evening hours and immediately agreed Dr. Gustavo is a better option.

Traffic was horrible because it was the end of rush hour, but I did the best I could.  Ana, Isa and the boys were all waiting at the bridge when I got there.  Poor Isa was pointing at her eyes and saying they hurt.  Ana was scared because she gave Isa pain reliever at 2 p.m., but she was still burning with fever.

I kind of forgot I was wearing clothes I would never normally wear in public until I got into the doctor's office.  Of course there were people I knew there.  People I haven't seen since I left the other church.  Here I am in old yoga pants that look like baggy pajamas and a bleach stained tee shirt which I love because it's so soft.  I looked like I am a mess.  Oh well.  I am pretty sure the people I saw are not the type to judge.  And if they do, so be it.

That is one thing about Honduras.  The only time you wear exercise clothing is if you are going to exercise.  People dress up to go to the store or to the doctor, or just to leave the house.  But I was in such a hurry because Ana seemed really scared about Isa, I grabbed keys and my purse and ran out the door.

It was great to see the kids again.  Isa managed a few smiles and some kisses for me.  Her fever was 39 degrees Celsius (102.2  Fahrenheit) under the arm.  But I still think that the term "muy grave" is used too loosely in Honduras.  If someone is in "very grave" condition, I expect them to be extremely sick.  Like, they could possible die.  In Honduras lots of people are "muy grave" and they just have a cold or a scratch.

I hope that is the case with Isa.  She is supposed to get bloodwork done tomorrow to see if it is something more serious.  Ana is still very sick with this disease that I can't even say the name of.  (Nobody can, not even Fany.)  It comes from a mosquito bite but is worse than dengue.  It is new this year and many, many people have it.  First you get a really high fever, then all of your bones ache so much that you cannot get out of bed for weeks, and there is a skin allergy that comes and goes.  Ana can hardly walk, especially on stairs.  I feel horrible for her because she lives on such a steep hill, always carrying Isa.  I felt as bad for Ana as I did for Isa.

Dr. Gustavo did a check up but said that Isa needs to go to a lab because he can only really treat her for a cold unless the blood work shows something else.  So tomorrow Ana has to take Isa back to the lab when they are open and get the blood work done.

After stopping at the pharmacy for Isa's meds and some meds for Ana, I dropped them off at the bridge at 8 p.m.  We all were starving and wanted to stop for fast food (especially Samuel because he has never been to Burger King) but by then it was so late we agreed it was safer for them to get home.

I headed to Molly's house to plan out next week.  It is a big one for us!  Molly's kids were already asleep so we got straight to work.  Monday we are doing home visits in Los Pinos.  We are excited to visit the homes of some of the new people we met last week.  We are also going to investigate where Osiris lives.  If we are correct, she lives right in the middle of the houses we are already visiting!  I will pick up Erika after the home visits and spend time with her.  I am really looking forward to this day.

Tuesday is errand and preparation day.  We have to pick up a lot of stuff for the Mother's day party and do some last minute preparation for the women's meeting.  Wednesday is the women's group.  Thursday is our day of rest and prayer.  Friday is the Mother's Day Party we are throwing for about 100 people.  It is going to be great.  Nothing extravagant, but nice.

My friend Carol is going to speak at the Mother's Day party.  She is a great at motivating and empowering women.  We are going to give out baskets of food as awards to the person who walked the farthest, the person who has the most kids, etc.  The prizes are purposely very random because we don't want to appear to play favorites.  We have 16 baskets of food as prizes.  Every Mom will get a coffee mug that is decorated for Mother's Day with something (we don't know what yet) inside.  And we will eat cake from Pricemart (Costco) with jamaica juice.  Molly is the perfect partner for me in so many ways.  One is that she doesn't buy soda for the kids because she agrees with my impression that they already drink far, far too much on their own.

I got home at 10:45 p.m. and made dinner.  Now it is time to rest.

My gym would like me to teach pilates.  I told them I am not in good enough shape right now, but that is something that will be fun to work toward.  I am going to try to get a free membership if I teach a class once/week.  Tomorrow I am going to teach one of the trainers.

Today as I was leaving the doctor's office Dr. Gustavo came out from behind his desk and gave me a hug, as he does to most people.  He also said, "Te quiero mucho."  There is no real good way to translate that in English.  Basically, it is a completely appropriate and acceptable way of telling someone that you really like them a lot in a friendly way.  I really like Dr. Gustavo in the same way.  He works pretty much 24 hours/day at least 6 days/week.  It meant a lot to me that he said that.

If you feel called, please pray for Molly and me as we enter this busy week.  We will be doing a lot of important ministry, I believe.  You can pray for our safety on Monday as we plan to walk into Los Pinos.  (We never know for sure until we actually leave if we are going to go, because it is something we handle very prayerfully due to the level of danger there.)  Pray for the women we will work with on Monday and Wednesday, and for us to connect with the women at the Mother's Day party on Friday.

This weekend I am going to a retreat with other missionaries.  I am excited to go, but disappointed I will miss the very first class Pastor Ruth is offering about how to preach.  I will also miss church on Sunday.  It will be strange not to be at the church all weekend.  But I am sure the retreat will be a restful gift right before my busy week.

I hear water filling the cistern!  Gloria a Dios!!  We haven't gotten any water in weeks.

Week 2 of Women's Group

Today was awesome.  I got to see Erika.  You know, that girl never lets me down.  Last night I called her to say that I would pass by to pick her up around 12:45, but I would call when I was close so she would know exactly when to walk down to the road.  Then today when I tried her phone it said, "The caller you have reached is not available." (in Spanish)  I tried a few more times and got the same message.

My mind instantly went to the bad place.  I thought Erika didn't really want to be part of the women's group, so she just wasn't going to answer her phone.  I really need to STOP THAT!  Erika has never let me down and I need to stop assuming that she is going to.  It is not fair to her, and could even be impeding our relationship.  If my expectations of her are less than what she is capable and willing to do, she may not reach her full potential.

I figured I would pass by and see if she was there, even though we hadn't spoken as planned today.  You guessed it.  There she was, sitting on a step with Marjory.  Erika is great.

Marjory has a cold, like every other kid I know.  Erika said Carlos has Dengue.  Erika already took Marjory to the doctor, UNlike every other kid I know.  Marjory is fine.  It's just a cold.  I am proud of Erika for taking Marjory to the doctor for the little things.  She is a good mother.

When we arrived at the women's group nobody was there.  That gave us time to pray and settle in.  Then, just like last time, the women started coming and they kept coming in groups of two until just before we left.

I talked to the ladies about this being a group for them, not for Molly and me.  They have this week to think and next week we will discuss their goals for the group.

Molly did a really good job of engaging them in a conversation about what it is to be a woman of faith.  Everyone spoke up and participated.  There were some very interesting ladies there.  One of the women was the mother whose daughters were just senselessly and brutally killed for wearing leggings a week ago on Friday.

I told Molly, I believe that is God's sign to us that we are in the right place.  We are exactly where there is a great need. God is sending women to this group who need each other's support and who can benefit from special time with Him.  I think it is amazing that she is even coming out of her house a week after she lost her 16 and 19 year old daughters.  If you feel led, please pray for Maribel.  She seems to be doing well on the outside, but I am sure she could use your prayer.

Tomorrow after Molly puts the kids to bed we are going to plan for next week.  It's going to be a big one for us!  We plan to go to Los Pinos, if things seem safe and God gives us the green light, on Monday.  We would like to meet with several of the new women who came to the women's group today.  Two of them we both individually felt like we want to know better.  Since God gave us both the same feeling about those two ladies, we would like to spend some time with them in their homes next week.  And of course we feel called to meet with Maribel.  If she doesn't want to talk, we can pray for and with her.  I feel honored that God is giving me the opportunity to serve her and feel strongly called to do so.  I hope Molly and I can be a blessing to Maribel in this time that has to be so extremely difficult.  Praise Him for allowing us to meet her.  We pray we will serve her in the ways she needs.

Errand Day

Spent all morning trying to pay my rent, see how my residency card is coming along, pay cable, pay lights and car insurance.  I say trying because paying bills is a pain in the neck in Honduras.  You read yesterday about how Molly has been trying to pay school fees for weeks and keeps getting the runaround.  The same thing happened to me today.

First the lady at the bank said that I needed to have the bank account number in order to deposit my rent.  I have been paying rent for three years and never needed the bank account number.  But suddenly today that changed.  Last month I could no longer make the check out to Fany's name, although she is on the account.  It now has to be in my landlord's name.  I swear they make up random rules just to make things more difficult.

I never did get the cable paid.  The bank said I needed a password.  I have no password so they couldn't find my account.   They said to go to the cable company, so I went to the cable company.  They said I could get the password and then pay the bill right there.  The password people got me set up, but when I went to the cashier to pay the bill, their system was down.  Systems are always down in Honduras.

Fany, Laura and I waited an hour and a half to find out what is going on with my residency card. My card expires on the 15th, but Honduras is out of plastic, so they can't laminate our residency cards.  This happens all of the time. It happened when my friend Carol renewed her card a few months ago and it happened when I got my first residency card.  That time it was months before they could print out the cards.  Ridiculous.

Monday Honduras finally got license plates.  They haven't had license plates since I bought my car 2 years ago as far as I know.  That is why it was important that I bought a car that already had plates.  Sunday night on the radio they announced that police would have roadblocks for all the people who are traveling with expired or with no plates at all because the plates are finally in.  Except, ooops!  They didn't print some of the plates yet.  If your plates start with certain letters then you still have to wait.  This stuff could drive you insane if you let it.

My cable is not paid, my residency card is not printed, but my plates are fine and my rent is a month ahead.  The bank said my insurance cost $50 less than my agent told me I had to pay.  That's all good stuff.

A funny thing happened too.  While Laura, Fany and I were waiting the hour and half for residency stuff, we were sitting with another man.  Laura and I got up and were looking around, trying to entertain ourselves.  The man who was there with us said to Laura, "What is your name?"  She was silent.  Then he said, "I am Jesus."  Laura's eyes got huge!  She ran over to her mom and said, "Mami!  It's Jesus!"  Fany had to explain that Jesus was this man's name, but he is not the same Jesus who lives in our hearts, he is just a regular man.  At that point the man said, "Yeah, you can just call me Achiles.  I wish I were more like that Jesus, but I am not him." It was a conversation that is not likely to happen in the US.

Laura came down with the cold that Molly's kids have while we were out running errands.  I had a sore throat, swollen glands and a drippy nose by this evening.

The afternoon was more productive than the morning.  I picked up Molly and her kids to take them shopping.  Molly let me do a load of wash at her house because, although the city released water last night, it never made it into our tank.  Last night at midnight Fany and I were so excited when we heard the water running under the driveway.  But it has to fill all of the cisterns downhill from us before it can fill ours.  When it was still running at 6 a.m. we thought we would be all set.  But we opened cistern lid to find you could still see the bottom.  The city water stopped running a few minutes later.

Fany and her family went to Coa where her in-laws do have water.  She offered to take my laundry with her which was nice, but she does a lot of the washing by hand there.  I figured Molly's house was a better bet.

We went to the mercado near Molly's house where local people sell their wares.  Some places sell dried goods, some sell plastics, others vegetables, or dairy products.  You can buy almost everything there.  It is like the vendors that sell their stuff in the streets of the colonia near mine, where Fany and I walk to get our tortillas and cheese and veggies.

Molly stocked up because she doesn't have a car.  She was grateful for the ride.  Then we went to Pricesmart.  Pricesmart is Costco, but in Honduras.  It has all of the same stuff, exactly.  Sometimes it feels so nice to be around things from North America!  I mostly wandered around and looked at things I haven't seen in a long time.  Gold Toe socks, wine refrigerators, car seats, mountain bikes, smoked cheese, Special K with dried berries...  Oh, the plenitude.  Ocean Spray Cranberry-Grape Juice is one of my favorite things to buy there.  And laundry detergent for $18 instead of $45.  I have a tiny fridge, so I couldn't buy the hummus I love.  Mostly I just enjoyed seeing the vast abundance of things.  Things we take for granted in the US.  Pricesmart has everything.  Sometimes there is a comfort in knowing that, although you are not going to buy it, you could.  The only thing I couldn't find was adult vitamins.  All they have is Centrum.

Molly got a pizza for dinner, but by then I was fading out.  The cold was getting the best of me.  The power had gone off while we were gone so her washer stopped in the middle of a cycle.  We got it to finish rinsing, I grabbed my wet laundry and headed home.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, which means we have our second meeting with the women's group.  Erika is coming with me.  It will be great to see her.  Also I am excited to see how it will go in the group tomorrow and what plans God has for these ladies in the future.  I feel big things coming!

A clear path

After checking around with our local sources and praying about it, Molly and I decided to venture into Los Pinos yesterday with our two "body guards".  They are boys who were born and raised in that part of Los Pinos, so everyone knows who they are.  When people see us with them, they know why we are there and that we are not going to cause any trouble.

Molly had a list of the 17 mothers to invite to the Mother's Day Party.  We decided if we made a quick stop at each house and sent the boys out to invite some of the ladies who live in places where Molly and I shouldn't go, we could get it all done before Molly's kids get home from school.  (Molly has 2 young kids whose Mom "lent" them to Molly indefinitely over two years ago.)

You'd think inviting 17 people could take days, but everything fell into place perfectly.

As we drove up the main road Molly saw the grandmother of the kids who live with her, so we pulled the car over to invite their grandmother to the mother's day celebration.

It was funny because she complained she had been waiting for the bus for a long time.  Suddenly our body guards started talking.  They said, "Look! That's the guy (they know his name) who got in an accident.  He is not supposed to be driving a bus but there he is!"  Then they decided it wasn't him after all.  Apparently this guy is still driving big yellow school buses all over Los Pinos, but everyone knows he shouldn't be driving and nobody will get on the bus with him.

When they figured out it wasn't him, they told the lady that the bus was coming, but she was so busy talking to Molly she didn't pay attention.  Molly told her a few times, run and catch the bus, but she just kept talking.  Finally when the bus was about to leave she realized it was there.  Then she thought it was the bad driver, but the boys were telling her No!  Go!!  It's not him!  Still she just stood there until she finally saw they were right, it was a different driver.  By then it was too late.  We told her to run, but she missed the bus.  One of the boys said, "I told her 30 thousand times!"  That was only a slight exaggeration.

How crazy that everyone knows not to get on a bus with that man but he still drives around.

As we were parked there another lady came up to the car.  She works at the school across the street.  Molly has been trying to pay one of the kid's school fees for a few weeks now but nobody at the school wants to take the money.  They keep telling us to come back at different times and talk to different people.

This lady asked Molly if she is still trying to pay the school.  Molly said yes.  The lady used to receive all of the payments last year, so Molly knew her.  She explained it was too much work, so this year she doesn't have that job anymore.  However, she said she could take Molly's payment because she knows it is not easy for Molly to come to the school and make the payment.  She also took Molly's number so in the future if the boy has any outstanding fees she can contact Molly directly.  That was a relief because Molly had been concerned about getting those school fees paid.

We left that bus stop excited.  Two things accomplished and we hadn't even parked the car yet!

Molly said she felt like the walk into Los Pinos was pretty sketchy.  I saw 2 boys sitting on a wall.  But other than that, it felt okay to me.  Of course she knows the area and who is normally there better than I do, so she would get a more accurate read of the situation.

At the first house we met with Mari, whose son Daniel had been sick with bloody diarrhea for a week the last time we were there and they had no food or water in the house.  This time they had lots of buckets of water, as it has rained every day since the first rain last Wednesday.  But all of those buckets of water made me worry about dengue and this other thing that everyone is getting, which is much worse.  You get a really high fever, your bones ache horribly and there is a skin allergy that goes with it.  People are unable to even stand up for weeks.  I was scolding myself for forgetting bug spray.

We talked in whispers as Mari showed us the page of the newspaper she had set aside on the table.  It talked about the two girls who were killed right above her house.  Mari said her daughter is "traumatized" because of the deaths.  Mary has left her house once to go to the doctor.  At 5 a.m. a man followed her out of the neighborhood and on the way home someone else followed her.  She said she yelled at them to go away.  She is very weak with a bad heart.  It is not good for her to be scared or to move quickly.  She said she got home safe, but terrified, and doesn't want to leave again.

We are trying to think of people who can help her get to her doctor appointments safely.  Molly and I can't go in and out of Los Pinos without the boys.  Besides that, our main goal is to try to empower the community to work together, instead of the way it is now where (I am generalizing here) everyone is only looking out for themselves.  Admittedly, taking care of yourself is a hard enough job.  But our hope is that through the women's group, someone will feel called to serve Mari in this way and the women will realize they are stronger together.

I read the newspaper article about the 2 girls.  Their Mom watched as they got ready to go out Friday night.  They left the house at 5 p.m.  When they weren't home by 10 p.m. the mom got worried.  She stayed awake all night.  Two bodies were found in the early hours of Saturday morning, one with many shots to the front of the head, one with many shots to the back of the head.  The bodies were identified at the morgue and the mother was contacted Saturday morning.  She lost her 16 and 19 year old daughters because they were wearing leggings.

It's no wonder Mari's daughter is traumatized.  The girls were exactly her age and everything about it was so senseless.

Next we tried to visit a 26 year old mom with five kids who lives above Mari, but nobody was home there. All of the doors had locks on them.  I like her.  She has a great smile and is very friendly.  She also has the chubbiest kids in the world, but she, herself, is tiny.

Molly decided we should not go anywhere else without the boys.  I told her she knows the area better than I do, so I will follow her advice.  We went back to Mari's house and waited.   Soon Ariel came in.  He said Carlos' Mom was at home so Carlos was visiting his family.  Ariel took us to the next house where I got to hold a two week old baby.  Last time we visited the mom was almost a week overdue, and ready to be induced.  The baby has a little cold, but had been to the doctor that day and was going back today for nebeulization.  She was a cutie.

It is also puppy and kitten season in Los Pinos.  Everywhere we went there were baby animals.  Of course you can't touch them because who knows what diseases they are carrying, which is tough for me.  Especially when I saw a 3 week old grey kitten.  Luckily at that point my arms were full with the baby.

Somewhere in our wanderings, we bumped into a mom.  I didn't pay much attention to her conversation with Molly until afterward when Molly said that her heart was really heavy for that lady's two kids.  I had heard her say that her kids were at home while she was leaving to do something.  (I think go to work?)  What I didn't know was that her kids are 2 and 4 years old with developmental delays.  According to our "body  guards" the kids have already burned the house down once.  The boys said it is even more dangerous because if someone knows they are alone, they are likely to break into the house.  But the Mom feels like she has no choice and whatever she was doing is more important than caring for the kids.  So she locks them inside, alone.

Our final visit was to Carlos' Mom.  Although I have known Carlos since 2009, I never met his Mom.  When I first met Carlos he was living with his Grandmother, who was not doing very well.  His mom was prostituting and collecting garbage at the dump.  Her kids (including Carlos) were begging for food and collecting garbage too.

Now Carlos has a good life.  He started school soon after I met him and is doing really well there.  He is healthy and tall and strong.   There is no sign of the little boy I knew in 2009.  But his brothers still choose to live on the street.  They have gotten heavily involved in huffing and don't want to/can't stop.

August 1, 2009 

Two weeks ago
when I saw Carlos for the first time in 6 years

Although I didn't go inside, that place was the filthiest home I have ever been to.  The ground was covered with garbage all around the property.  Clothes were piled outside, food remnants and packaging, bits and pieces of odds and ends were everywhere.  It was like a "Hoarders" episode in Los Pinos.  Everyone has their own style of living, but in general the people I know in Los Pinos do the best they can with what they have and keep things tidy.  This was the opposite of tidy.

We spend some time with Carlos' family.  I have to admit I was anxious the whole time because I kept thinking I was going to get bitten by a bug carrying some horrible disease.  (At that point I had already been bitten twice.)  I know that people can sense when someone is not comfortable, and I wished that I could change that because Carlos is important to me and I do not want him to think I am uncomfortable around his family.

His brothers, mother and a man were busy filling the hugest bag I have ever seen - it was a huge tarp tied together - with plastic bottles.  The whole back yard was FULL of bottles.  There were more bottles there than would fit inside some homes in Los Pinos.  In Honduras, people don't collect glass, they collect plastic.

I have no idea how they got all of those bottles up that mountain, or how they are going to get them back down to sell them.  The tarp/bag was already an unmanageable size, taller than our heads and as wide as the front of my truck.  Good thing plastic is light.

Molly visited with Carlos' brothers and I played with Carlos' puppy, without touching it.  It was super cute and fat.  At least it is starting its life healthy.  It was sad to think that once it stops nursing it will be another hungry street dog in Honduras.

As we left Molly checked off her list of people we needed to see.  Between the boys running house to house, and our visits, we had seen everyone but the lady with the pretty smile and five chubby kids.  But we will see her Wednesday at the women's group.

Not a bad day's work in Los Pinos!

As we walked out Molly prayed that the streets would be empty while we left.  It was bizarre how clearly God heard and answered her prayer.  We walked out to the road, got into the car, and drove all of the way out of Los Pinos.  Normally those streets are full of people.  But yesterday I could have counted on two hands the number of people we saw in that 20 minute trip.

Our body guards headed off to school.  Molly and I sat down and planned for our first real meeting of the women's group on Wednesday.  It is cool because I think we both have the same goals for the women.  So far I am also impressed with our ability to communicate.  If we don't see things the same way I think we both feel free to speak up and express our opinion and why we think it's important.  It seems like we are both flexible and open.

The plans for Wednesday feel good.  Our only problem is that we would like for the ladies to take ownership and lead this group,  But they can't do that very well if they don't have bibles.  Molly thinks only about two of the 17 have access to a bible.  We are going to have to figure out how to get our hands on 15 Spanish Bibles, which are SUPER expensive here.  But God will provide.

All of this seems to be His will.  We see that in the way we were able to meet with each of the women so easily, and get in and out of Los Pinos safely.  Molly and I will continue to move as we feel called (and be still when we feel led to to be still as well).  Our goal is to have the ladies group eventually be self sufficient.  It is not about Molly and me.  It is about the ladies of Los Pinos.

We would love to see them coming together in each other's homes so neighbors and the community can hear their song and prayer and the word of God being spoken in Los Pinos.  Molly and I will encourage these ladies to unite as one body to support and look out for each other, so nobody has to be scared and walking alone, and nobody has to leave their two and four year old children locked alone in a house.  Our goal is for them to learn to be women of God - God's holy body in Los Pinos.

Discovering my gift

Our last class of Evangelism was today.  The class started in November.  At one point there were 16 of us.  Today there were six.

After the last class was over we had a long talk about what it meant to be commissioned and implement in real life situations all of the things we have learned since November.  It was kind of like choosing whether or not we felt ready to graduate.  Pastora Ruth promised that she would not judge anyone who did not feel ready to make the commitment.

As she talked about the fact that it is okay if we are not ready, I felt like the Pastora was looking directly at me the whole time.  My insecurities tried to tell me, "It's you.  She is looking at you.  She is saying you are not ready."

At the same time I felt sure that I am ready.  Maybe I was taking it too personally.  Maybe the pastora wasn't looking at me like I thought she was.  This was a critical moment.  I could not allow self doubt step in.  So I prayed and double checked within myself.  I felt sure.  Whatever was asked of me as a result of the class, I was ready to fulfill it.

Then Pastora Ruth said that God blesses each of us with one of five gifts.  Some of us are blessed with more.  But each of us has at least one.  She asked if we know our gift.  She said it is very important that we each are clear about our personal gift.  The five gifts are apostleship, evangelism, pastoring, teaching, and prophesy.  If we weren't sure about our personal gift, we were supposed to stop right there.

I guess I am a bad student.  Nobody else raised their hand.  They all shook their heads.  Yes, yes, they know know their gifts.  They seemed very certain.  Oh no.  I was the only one.  But I wasn't ready to back down.  I guessed my gift was either teaching (which I generally hate doing, but I seem to do a lot) or maybe evangelism (which looking back now is a crazy thought).  I figured it was okay since I wasn't completely lost.  I had it narrowed down to two of the five.  I could figure out what my gift is later.  I didn't want to be the only one without a gift!

Also it seemed to be a test of my self confidence.  Would I allow my self doubt to take control and keep me from moving forward?  Would my own poor self esteem hold me back?  NO!  Not this time.

Out of the whole class, only four decided to make the commitment (graduate) in the end.  I was one.  Pastora Ruth came and prayed an individual prayer over each of us.  When she came to me the prayer was that I would see my gift clearly.  That I would know what gift God blessed me with.  Oh no!  I thought.  She is on to me.  She knows that I don't know my gift.

Immediately I started praying, asking God to show me my gift.  At first nothing happened.  But then I saw the strangest image.  It was actually a man, but the man represented me.  He was a Catholic priest, dressed in all of his robes, walking down the aisle of a church.  He also wore a gold crown.  I know the alter boys normally walk before the priest, but in my image of the crowned priest, the boys were following after him.  He was leading them.

I tried to push that image away.  What a crazy thing!  I am not a priest!  I am not even close to being a priest.  Then my thoughts came full circle.  My lack of self confidence.  The negative self worth that I have struggled with for years and years did not want me to allow myself to see myself as a "priest" or a pastor.  However, for the past six months I have been learning, more and more, not to listen to those negative voices in my head - the voices that tell me that I am not good enough.

Now, I am not crazy.  I am not saying that I am a Catholic Priest with a crown.  But through that image God began showing me the way that I have been pastoring (that is a real word is Spanish - I don't know how to say it in English) to others.  In reality, I have been doing it for years.  Since I was a teen I began looking after others, teaching them who they are, showing them how they can do better.  I had a reputation as a mother figure in college because I was always looking after my peers, keeping them safe and on the right path.  Then I went into social work and began pastoring to families.  Later I worked with messed up teens. For years and years I have been attending to people, guarding them, taking care of them, guiding them, leading them, serving them, ministering to them and watching over them.  God showed me all of the ways I already am pastoring in the dictionary's definition of the word.

I stepped forward with confidence and a smile and asked to be commissioned to go forward with the knowledge we gained in the Evangelism class.  We had a beautiful time of prayer and commissioning.  Afterward we had coffee and "pan" (cake).

It was good to know my gift before the official commissioning.  God gave me a huge blessing by allowing me to see all of the ways I have already been serving as a pastor, although I was never conscious of it, for half of my lifetime.  Even though it is a heavy title, it didn't seem as intimidating when I realized I am already more than capable and have proved that in my actions for years and years.

The term "pastor" itself still seems a little odd when I think of it in reference to myself.  I think because, although I am a missionary, I still have not gotten used to all of these "churchy" things.  I just barely got used to calling myself a missionary.  To think of myself as a person whose gift is to pastor could be very overwhelming.

I am grateful, once again, to be in the competent hands of Pastora Ruth as I learn to consciously fulfill this gift moving forward.  Just to be clear, I do not have any desire to be the pastor of a church.  That is certainly not me.  I am not a preacher and do not have many of the gifts that the leader of a church needs.  But I am comfortable with, and excited to learn about my God given gift and the manner He wants me to use it.

I'll believe it when...

Honduras, I love you.  But you know, sometimes you really... anger me.  (I am using different words in my mind.)

Yesterday I was so excited for Erika.  She was excited too.  But I knew better.  I even said to people in my prayer group last night that I will truly be happy and accept it as reality once Erika is seated in the class, learning.

In case you missed it, yesterday Erika and I went to a local vocational school.  A lady there told us we arrived just in time to enroll.  Friday is a holiday, but if we came back today (Thursday), we could sign up for the English class that Erika wants and start Monday.

As we climbed the four flights of stairs today I said, "I hope the same lady is here."  Erika didn't seem concerned.  But I have lived in Honduras and dealt with these crazy systems long enough to know that the word of the kind lady yesterday really means nothing until Erika is seated in the class, learning.

The office was full of women, but none were the lady from yesterday, and surprise!  The English class that we came to sign up for suddenly does not exist.  In the future they will have a basic English class, but it will be at 8 a.m., which is a time Erika cannot attend because she has nobody to watch her baby.

We did not make up the fact that the lady told us a Basic English class would start Monday from 3-5 p.m.  That is not something we just invented.

I am so frustrated and disappointed!  Why is it so hard to get a young girl who wants an education enrolled in classes?  It is no wonder that most people here do not make it past 6th grade!

As always, Erika was calm.  She signed up for the computer class, which the lady basically told her that she is not going to pass because of the Excel part.  I am going to check with some friends who can help with Excel.  People my age never took Excel in school, so I am no help.  Maybe Erika and I will learn together.  I asked if she is good at math and she said, yes, which made me happy for more than one reason.  The class shouldn't be so tough for her, AND every time I hear Erika speak say something positive about herself, I love it.  Her self confidence is going to be part of what makes her successful in life.

After such a high yesterday, today I am a little bummed.  But I love walking through this with Erika.  She is so relaxed, yet motivated.  She never seems to feel defeated.  She is the perfect person for me to learn about "doing life with".  She is as much of a blessing in my life as I am in hers.

Also, Erika agreed to attend the womens' group next Wednesday in Los Pinos!  That made me super happy.  I purposely didn't mention that I would like to take her to eat afterward.  My goal was to have her be there because it was her own, personal decision with no outside incentive.  I am not sure how to lead Erika to a deeper relationship with God, but this seems like a great start!  It will also be great for Erika to meet other women.

I cannot control the way things go in Honduras with schools and other governmental agencies.  However, if I leave things in God's hands, He will take good care of Erika and show us the path He has laid out for her.  I have complete faith that God has an amazing future in store for Erika.  She is open and ready to receive.  That is all He requires.  Praise God for Erika's disposition, and praise God for His greatness, which can overcome all obstacles.  Including the craziness of maneuvering the systems of Honduras.

Good news for Erika!

Fany knew I had plans to go to Los Pinos today so as I left this morning she came out to ask if I'd seen the news last night.  Apparently she called to me from her house to tell me to turn it on, but I didn't hear her.

The news was about how the women who sell things at the mercado (an ENORMOUS farmer's market) are reporting loss of clothing sales.  People are no longer buying leggings since the girls were killed for wearing them last week.  The ladies who work at the mercado are also well known, according to Fany, for having highlights or colored hair.  But all of the women on tv last night had dyed their hair back to its natural black for their own safety.  Fany went through the long list of clothing colors I shouldn't wear in Los Pinos.  The news reported the worst of the gang activity is currently originating there.

Fany asked if we were going to be walking around at all.  I assured her that we would only walk a few feet from the car to the church and back.  I can literally park outside the door.  It's great that Fany cares about me so much, but it stinks that she has to.  The gangs are finding the most ridiculous ways to "prove" they have all of the power.

And it's working.  The women died their hair.  I wore grey, the only color I was sure is not on the list, with my hair in a ponytail.  At my prayer group tonight Pastora Ruth took a special time to pray for my safety again.  She prayed that God will show me clear signs of where to go and where not to go.  She prayed that God would walk before me and that I would be surrounded by angels to protect me.  Then she prayed more about God showing me clear signs about when I should go and where it will be safe for me to walk with His protection.  I still hate that I have to allow the gangs control the way I serve people.  But I have to accept it as a fact of life.  At least for now.

Molly and I arrived at the church at 1 p,m. on the dot for our first group meeting with ladies from Los Pinos.  Two other ladies came at the same time.  Since we cannot do home visits right now, this is a great way for us to be able to serve.   For a while we thought it was just going to be the four of us, but then more and more ladies came.  We kept pulling up more chairs and making our circle bigger and bigger.  Even as we were leaving more ladies were arriving!

We explained to the ladies that we really hadn't made exact plans for this group.  Our goal is to get to know them, to study God's word together, to support each other through difficult times and celebrate good times together.  Most of them seemed interested in meeting next week.  I have a feeling that a few will not show up now that they know we are not giving away free stuff.  But I think that many of the ladies will return and will bring friends.  Molly and I are even talking about dividing the ladies into two groups according to where they live to make things more manageable if the group stays this big.  We have another meeting arranged for next week at the same time.  I am pretty excited!

On the way to drop Molly off at home we picked up Erika.  Erika and I went to INFOP to see what classes they are offering.  INFOP is a vocational school.  Lots of adults go there for sewing and baking classes and it is usually free.  All the way there I prayed for God's favor.  I am tired of Erika being turned away from everything she tries to do!  We never did get the transcripts from the mean director of her last school.  And then it was so frustrating to be told that we missed the deadline of enrollment by 2 days, so we have to wait until FEBRUARY for Erika to start school the next school year.  She will be 17 starting 7th grade.  But that doesn't seem to faze her.

We found INFOP surprisingly easily.  Then we found the building, then parking right in front.  Everything was falling into place.  Praying for God's favor was working.  We were directed to the 4th floor (with no elevators).  Nobody paid attention to us at first, but then a man came by and asked if we were being helped.  When I said no he told a lady to please attend to us.  She ended up being really nice.  If we bring a copy of Erika's 6th grade diploma and ID, Erika can enroll tomorrow to start class on Monday!  The lady at the desk says Erika will only need a pen and paper.  Everything else is provided for free.  I hope she gets a great teacher.

I was so excited I couldn't believe it!!  We made it just in time.  Friday is a holiday.  Tomorrow is the last day to enroll.  Erika will officially be a student again on Monday!

Erika is really happy too.  She was thinking of taking a computer class and English too, but decided it's best to start out with just English.  Her class will be Monday - Friday from 3-5, so she should really learn a lot!  It is a perfect schedule to allow her mother to take care of baby Marjory while she is at class.  And she should get home before dark, which is important to me.

Erika was an excellent student when I taught her English, so I expect she will do really well.  I told her I will help her study whenever she needs help.  Then I told baby Marjory, "Your mommy is a student now!  She is going to teach you English when you are older!"  Erika seemed excited and happy too.

I dropped Erika off just at dark clouds rolled in.  It started to sprinkle at the same time I guessed she should be arriving at home.  I headed off to prayer group.  Before prayer group I stopped to buy mugs for the Mother's Day party and I got Erika a set of different color pens, like all of the kids use for homework.  I also got her a sparkly purple notebook.  Those will be her surprises after she is officially a student again.

I just kept thinking about what might have happened if God had not called anyone to work with Erika.  As much as I hate to say it, I am not sure she would have gone back to school.  All it took was someone to ask what she wanted to do, and back her up when the mean lady wouldn't give us the transcript.  That's all she needed.  Her Dad is paying for bus fare for English class.  I am hopeful he will follow through on his commitment to do so.  This seems like a perfect way to warm up her mind to start 7th grade in February.

I already have a grasp on how mothers feel when they send their kids off to school each year.  I am so excited for Erika.  I am already thinking of dropping her off the first day so I can take pictures, although I don't know if that would make her feel special or embarrassed.  It is only one class, but I firmly believe it is the first step of many to get her on track for a successful future.

Home visits on hold

Usually I don't like to post things like this.  Mostly because it upsets my mother, but also because I like to think things in Honduras are getting better and I don't like to talk about the things that are not so great.  It has been suggested to me by other people here that I should not share these things, but I think this specific post can give you some information to understand a little bit about how ministry in a dangerous part of Los Pinos has to be done with, let's say, finesse.

Molly and I planned to go into Los Pinos this week to visit more families.  As you know, we are very cautious every time we enter Los Pinos.  For more than a month recently Molly was unable to visit her families who are housebound.  That was really tough.

The sector where Molly works is pretty far is pretty far from where the families whom I know all live, but I look forward to getting to know this area better, when safety concerns allow.

Last week Fany told me that it was all over the news that the gangs in Los Pinos are killing women who dye or highlight their hair.  She said that the gang members want only the women they date to be able to lighten their hair.  All other Latinas should have their natural hair color, which is generally black.  I asked Fany what I should do, since I have highlights.  She said it only applies to Latinas.  They don't care how outsiders color their hair, apparently.  But we also decided I will wear a ponytail or a baseball cap in Los Pinos.  This was all over the news and everyone was talking about it, which is exactly what the gangs want.

On Friday 2 women were killed right behind one of the houses that Molly visits.  The gangs wanted the news to know that the women were killed for wearing leggings and "indecent" clothes.  It was on tv and in newspapers.

Today I got to see Carlos (big Carlos) again.  He and Ariel went with us to visit the pastor in Los Pinos about our Mother's Day party and also we went to a school.  In reality, we barely got out of the car except to walk a few steps to the doorsteps of those places.  We could not go and visit any families today.  The families themselves called Molly and told her not to come for safety reasons.

The boys told us that they cannot wear red, purple, black or blue (which surprised me because everyone wears blue Honduras soccer jerseys) shirts.  They said they purposely dressed the way they did today - one was in brown and one in white.  I, too, made sure not to be "indecent".  I wore a boring tee-shirt and those breathable pants that no Hondurans would be caught dead in.  They are meant for hiking or outdoor activity.  I love them because they are comfortable on a hot day.  But fashion comes before comfort for the women of Honduras.  I did not look indecent (or even cute) in any manner by Honduran standards.

I am hoping this is all heat related.  I know Chicago used to go crazy in the heat and murders would skyrocket the hotter it got there.  It's been in the mid 90's every day for months and nobody has water.  That can get really frustrating!  Not an excuse to kill someone, but it can make a healthy minded person a little grumpy.

Tomorrow a cold front is supposed to blow in.  We are supposed to get rain from tomorrow evening until the end of the 10 day forecast.  I am praying that actually happens and cools everything off!  Both physically, and gang-wise.  The forecast says that the chance of rain Wednesday and Thursday is 100%, but the weather forecasts here are about as reliable as...  All the rest of the unreliable things in Honduras.

Pray for rain because we need it.  Everything is burning.  People are getting sore throats and messed up eyes, even those who don't wear contacts.  Our fruit trees are dying or dead.  The water only comes once/week and then it is only drops.  The electricity is getting shut off because there is no hydroelectric power.  The problems from lack of water go on and on.  But I just want it to cool off, physically and criminally.

It is hard to sit back and relax when you can't do your "job".  It's frustrating when you can't reach out to the people you love and care for because the gangs have taken control.  Molly and I both have patience and wisdom, and lots of knowledgeable people looking out for us.  We always err on the side of caution.  But it is still hard to know that we cannot do home visits.

In the meantime I am going tomorrow with Erika to see about what vocational classes are available, how much they cost, and when she can start them.  Wednesday we are meeting with a group of women just to get to know them and learn a little about their needs.  I would like to go and visit Osiris!  But we don't know when we will be able to do home visits in Sector F again.

Planning for Mother's Day

Frequently people ask, "How can I help?"  Usually I say that prayer is appreciated.  I hate begging for money.  But today I have a fun way you can help financially!

Yesterday Molly and I sat down and figured out the details of our Mother's Day Event.  If we limit it to be as small as possible, we think we are still going to serve about 100 mothers and children in Los Pinos.

The plan is to invite 16 mothers we already know and work with.  They can each bring a friend.  They will love to invite a friend, and it helps us to increase our outreach.  If you do the math that is 16 mothers plus 16 friends at an average of 3 kids per woman - that could be 130 people!

We were thinking of doing it on the Friday before Mother's Day, but all of the schools will celebrate that day, so none of the moms could come.  Mother's Day in Honduras is THE biggest holiday of the year.  It tops Christmas, birthdays, and Easter.  (The second biggest holiday is The Day of the Child.)  Schools have parties and invite all of the mothers to attend.

Our party will be basic, but fun.  First our friend Carol, who is a very dynamic speaker, is going to share a biblically based message for the moms.  Then we are going to ask the moms to participate by sharing what "Being a Mom" means to them.  Afterward we have a few games we are going to play with the moms while the kids make Mother's Day cards in a different room.

The games are really just a way for us to give out baskets of food to people who otherwise don't have food at home.  We would like to raise enough money to give out at least 10 baskets.  For example, the "Mother of the Year" will find a piece of paper taped under her chair, which entitles her to a basket and the prestigious title of "Mother of the Year".  The mother with the youngest baby will win a basket.  The mom who walked the farthest to come to the party will win a basket.  (We are going to set aside a couple of these in case next door neighbors walk together.)

After a time of fun, we are asking the pastor who offered us the space for the party to say a blessing.  Then we are going to serve a cake and jamaica juice which we can make very cheaply from jamaica leaves.  During that time we will walk around, meet the new people and pray with the families.  Each mother is going to get a small gift, like a coffee mug that says "Feliz Dia de la Madre" if we have enough money in the budget.

And then, they will all leave feeling honored and blessed.  That is our plan anyway.  We'll see what God has in store.

If you would like to help, it's easy!

Click on the link: www.WorldOutreach.org/donations

Select my name "Fager, Mary Lynn"

Click "Donations"

Next to my name, type in the amount that you would like to donate.

Easy!  And tax deductible.

Our budget is as follows:

Baskets of food: $100 for 10 baskets
Art supplies for kids to make Mother's Day cards:  $20
Food/drink/disposable cups and plates:$55
Mother's Day Mug for every mother: $64

Any money above the $239 will go for more food baskets.

Thank you for your help!

A day of prayer

Today at the gym was more hips.  No woman at my gym is trying to have bigger hips apparently, because although it was only an eighth of the workout, it was the hardest part for me.

I was sitting on one of the machines today. (I call it the thigh killer because I don't know the correct name - it's where you sit in a chair with a bar across the fronts of your ankles/shins and lift the bar by straightening your legs.  Man that thing is torture.)  While I was on the thigh killer, my mind was kind of floating around, like it does in the middle of a workout when you are too tired to think about anything specific.  I noticed sometimes my eyes even just daze out and I stare into space.  When I reach that point I know I'm working hard.

So I am sitting on torture machine, dazed out, waiting to find the strength to do another repetition when something comes into my mind so clearly that it felt really out of place.  God told  me that I needed to pray.  It was so clear.  So I started to pray and ask God exactly what He wanted me to pray about.  Right away the name Ruth (my pastor) came to me.  I prayed about the things that I know she is facing right now.  But God stopped me and told me to pray for her health.  Suddenly I felt pressure in my chest and up into my throat.  Yes, I know this is all very strange.  You can think I am crazy.  That's okay.  But when God tells you to pray, I pray.  So I prayed for Pastora Ruth and her health, specifically her heart and lungs, since that is where I was hurting.

A few months ago I was sitting in my bed when I saw a clear image of Isabela falling and hitting her head.  The next day Isa fell out the doorway down to the ground below, which is about 5 feet.  She hit her head.  Ana found Isa with her eyes rolled back in her head and the breath knocked out of her.  I called Ana right after it happened, as Isa was catching her breath, which is odd because I only call Ana every few weeks.

Later when I told the story to Ruth, she said I should always tell the person if God gives me a vision like that.  I said, "But I didn't want Ana to be scared about Isa's head and I didn't know that something was really going to happen."  Pastora Ruth said, "It is better for Ana to have that information."  I agreed and made a promise to myself that from now on if anything like that ever happened, I would tell the person.

So today I told Pastora Ruth about God telling me clearly to pray for her.  I also told her about the pressure I felt in my chest and my throat.  I told her to please take baby aspirin if she feels that pressure, but she said she already does.  So that is good.  She asked me to continue to pray for her as God leads me, which of course I will.  It was such a clear calling in a moment when nothing in my mind was clear, I have to believe it was God telling me something.  As Pastora Ruth pointed out, our God is more powerful than the enemy, so by obedience and prayer we can cancel out something bad.

Pastora Ruth also told me that she really liked my words and the way I directed the service last week!  That felt great! I believed it was really good.  But as humans, it is always nice to be told when you do something well.  She even pointed out specific things she really liked.

I am so blessed to be where I am right now.  I never imagined myself directing a service - never mind doing it really well!  I feel like I am finally walking in the power and authority that God blessed me with.  I love that my pastor is encouraging my spiritual growth in so many ways.  I love the classes, the kind words, and the challenges.  It feels great to be supported and challenged at the same time.  Isn't that how every healthy relationship should be?

Here is my last thought of the day:  Today as I was on the treadmill, running off the baleadas I made for dinner last night, I looked across the street.  Two men were digging through a dumpster.  One man was collecting plastic bottles, the other appeared to be searching for food.  It struck me.  I am running on this treadmill, trying to burn off calories, and these men don't have enough to eat.  The man who was collecting plastic had clothes that were practically rotting off.

I love Honduras.  I love so many things about this place.   I love my life here.  But the poverty I see is so intense.  I have more than enough to eat.  I am trying to burn extra calories.  Yet these men are inside of a nasty, stinky dumpster - a place where no human being should ever have to go - trying to find their next meal.  Life should not be this way.

Praise God for all he provides for me through you, my supporters.  Thank you for supporting me in prayer and financially.  I have recently lost a few financial supporters due to their job situations.  Praise God for allowing me to maintain peace in my heart and for reminding me always that I am here, in Honduras, with a purpose.  I pray that I fulfill that purpose every day.  Amen.

Hips and Helmets

Today I met with the car insurance agent about transferring the account into my name.  Until now I have been blessed by a friend from my previous church who offered to pay the bills.  He is a very generous man who is constantly helping people in a silent way.  I am grateful for all he has done for me.

In any case, I am now responsible for the payment of my own car insurance.  We went over the policy and realized that the car is still listed at the value it had two years ago, so my agent is going to adjust that and send me the official cost within the week.  He is a really kind man.  Very patient with each of my questions.  He's the kind of guy you'd want to call if you were flustered because you just got into a car accident.

I started going to the gym almost a month ago.  The first week the trainers gave me a program to work on, but it messed up both of my shoulders, which have a tendency to be messed up anyway.  Since then I have been doing my own thing and feeling pretty good about it.  But I noticed my muscles are not sore like they are when I work out with the trainers so I decided to go back to their routine today.

I purposely went early so that I would get the nice trainer who understands I have shoulder problems and doesn't tell me that I should be lifting heavier weights.  He walked me through everything and it was a great work out.  I was there for 2 & 1/2 hours!  (Which made me 10 minutes late for my meeting with the insurance guy, but he didn't seem to mind.)

Afterward I was talking to Fany.  Last week I told Fany about how I sat down in a child's seat when I was visiting Los Pinos and my side saddles were too big to fit so all of the ladies started teasing me.  She knew that it made me uncomfortable and assured me that Honduran women WISH for big hips and thighs.  I thought she was just saying that to make me feel better at the time.

Then today I told her that I had been at the gym for hours and worked on my side saddles.  She asked, "Did you work to make them bigger?  Or smaller?"  Shocked I told her, "SMALLER!"  She said, "Are you sure?  You better ask the trainer.  Because many women in Honduras work hard to have big hips."  Thankfully, all of the hip exercise I had done was textbook pilates, so I knew it was to get rid of side saddles.  But now I know in the future that I need to be specific about not wanting to build up my hips if the trainer asks me to do something different.  We'll see if my muscles hurt more tomorrow after their workout compared to mine.  (I also got an extra 1/4 mile in during my 30 minutes on the treadmill!  Go me!!)

This afternoon I had a nice little walk to the market by myself because Fany was out of town.  It has been so hot we haven't been going outside if we can help it until after 5 pm, but today there are some clouds in the sky.  If only it would rain!

Normally I always walk over to the colonia next to mine with Fany,  My colonia is gated so we don't have any markets.  It's fun to check out what all of the vendors have at the colonia next door.  They line the streets selling fruit and veggies, cheese, I saw a big table full of flip flops today, burned movies, second hand shoes, grilled food, and a million women with tortillas.  But because the vendors sometimes try to rip Fany off, so I feel better knowing I got a fair price if I am with her.  Also we love to look through the used clothes stores.  It's a amazing what you can find for $2.50.

We have a favorite banana guy and a favorite avocado guy.  We buy tomatoes and other produce where it looks best.  I went to our regular avocado guy and he sold me everything at the same price that he always asks.  Yay!  While I was paying a lady came along and asked where the avocados from the US are.  He said that the airport took them, so he has no produce from the US.  Personally I like Honduran avocados much better anyway, but it's sad that he lost a lot of his produce.

And in case you are not my friend on Facebook, one last thing.  Yesterday as I was driving to church I saw the funniest thing!  Honduran motorcyclists wear helmets.  It seems to be the one law they follow.  They also often wear ski goggles, which cracks me up.  Sometimes I see ski goggles I know are really expensive in the US.  Since there is no skiing here, I assume the cost of goggles is quite low.

For a few months it has been driving me nuts because a man I really like at my church wears a bicycle helmet on his motorcycle.  I know he can barely afford upkeep on the moto (as we say in Honduras) so I bet he can't afford a different helmet.  But I worry for him riding around in a bicycle helmet and have even prayed that God would show me a way to get a motorcycle helmet for him, without having other members of the church find out.

I say I need to do this without others knowing because Pastora Ruth does not want the church body to see me as someone who is going to start buying things for all of them.  She wants my relationships with church members to be real, not based on what they think they might get from me.  Therefore, she asked me to be really careful about how I share things at church.  In fact, for the first few months she told me I should not invite anyone to my house or buy anything for anyone.  Now if I buy things I buy them for the church, not for any specific person.  This has been really helpful in cutting out envy, arguing and gossip.  Plus I know that if people are hanging out with me it's because they like me as a person.  I am grateful for Pastor Ruth's wisdom.

North Americans have earned themselves a reputation as people who come here and throw their money around.  I used to have to fight that stereotype a lot.  It was really frustrating.  I know visitors believe they are helping and do everything with good intentions, but check this out.  Recently 2 separate teams came to visit.  All I heard about one team was how much STUFF they brought.  The other team did not bring as much stuff, but did lots of hands on things with the kids.  Guess which  group the kids enjoyed the most, whose names they remember, and who they miss most?  The team that gave less gifts, but spent lots of quality time just playing and hanging out.  Sometimes STUFF gets in the way of true relationship.

Okay, so yesterday I am driving to church and there is a man in front of me, driving a motorcycle, wearing an orange construction helmet.  I have no idea how that thing stayed on his head.  I guess the law is "helmet".  That was indeed a helmet.  But I can't imagine it would protect his head at all in an accident.  It would probably fall off before he hit the ground.

Osiris showed up!

Today was the day I had to "direct" the service at church.  Last week I prepared a message and practiced it in Spanish yesterday when I went to the women's group.  But then last night I felt like God was telling me that I was taking the easy way out.  I wasn't challenging myself enough and I am capable of more.  It was like He was telling me to trust in the new, more mature me and do not lean on old safety nets.  The message I had prepared would be fine.  However, it was true, I could do better.

When I was praying about 10 days ago I believed God showed me that I should speak about unity.  That had been eating at the back of my mind.  So last night I pulled out a pen and paper.  I said to myself, I'll just write down what comes to mind.  We'll see what happens.  If this doesn't turn out well, I already have a message planned.

At 11:57 p.m. I finished writing.  It felt right.  I knew it was the message I was supposed to share today.

I didn't sleep well all night, waiting for it to be morning, so I could shower and put on the clothes I had picked out.  I was looking at the clock every 15 minutes but somehow the bags under my eyes were smaller than ever today.

I got ready exactly on time, despite the fact that I ran out of water with conditioner in my hair and had to go outside and turn on the pump to pump more water into my cistern.  Ahhhh... Honduras.  Where you never know when the water might run out.  I was grateful Fany and Santos were gone this week because that meant there was still water for me to pump out of their tank.  Anyway, I went to church prepared, on time, and feeling good about my appearance.

We started with worship music as always.  Today's worship was even more powerful than usual.  The air was heavy with the Holy Spirit.  Then it was my turn to talk.  My original topic was about being still and finding peace in the Lord.  It was good I had changed topics, because people were really revved up and it would not have flowed well to tell them to be still at that moment.

Instead I spoke about unity.  It was perfect if I do say so myself.  Everyone paid close attention.  It was funny, it was thought provoking and inspiring, and it was backed by scripture.  At the end everyone clapped!  Usually they don't clap at the end of the director's message.

Looking back at the whole process, I think I did a good job of listening to what God wanted me to do, being flexible to change my topic at the last minute, and choosing a topic that was a little tougher to present.  You won't see me do this often, but today I have to give myself a pat on the back.

After church we had plans to go hiking in La Tigra and then have a bonfire at Pastor Ruth's house tonight, but Ruth's (adult) kids are sick, so we had to cancel.  It would have been my first outing with them, so I was looking forward to it.  They said they will include me when it is rescheduled.

Erika friended me on Facebook yesterday.  Her dad gave her an old phone last week.  She is thrilled with it.  It is an older model and it is beat up, but she couldn't be happier.  So now she is on Facebook.  I loved just chatting with her.  She has taken a liking to Fany, which is nice because she is so shy.  It's also convenient because it will make her more comfortable if we spend time with Fany.  Last week Fany sent her hand-me-downs from Laura for baby Marjory, so she asked me to please tell Fany thank you.  She also said that "the girl" I invited to go to the breakfast program is attending every day.  I had no clue what she was talking about at that moment.

Then today I talked with a member of  my old church and they asked if I had recommended the breakfast program to a group of six kids who have started coming every day.  The kids told people at the breakfast program that I had sent them.  And then I remembered Osiris!!!!!  I asked if one of them is named Osiris, and nobody was sure, but we put the puzzle pieces together and realized that yes!  Osiris, and first three, now five other kids are all coming to the church every single day to eat!  They are well behaved, have good manners, and they arrive very thirsty.

I explained how far Osiris walks to get to the church.  It's at least 3-4 miles.  And then afterward she has told walk another 3 miles or so to get home.  I said that the teacher told me there was no food in her house, but she is a really good and smart kid, so the teacher wanted me to mentor her.  We decided that the area where she lives was too dangerous at that time, but the teacher said she was going to keep praying that I would mentor Osiris.

The funny thing is, when I went into Sector F last week with Molly, we asked a lot of families if they know Osiris.  But nobody knew her.  I figured I might never see her again.

Don Juan told people that Osiris had come while the church was closed after Semana Santa.  Then she came back the following week when it re-opened and has been attending ever since!  That makes me so happy!!  And apparently word has spread around the church that I am recommending the program to more kids.

As new kids come, some of my favorite older ones no longer attend, which makes me sad.  I envisioned my goofy buddy Kevin S. there until he got a job.  He is so sweet and silly.  And two more girls who both need the program a lot are no longer there.  One kind of phased out slowly and one got a boyfriend, which terrifies me.  But I guess it's a case of natural attrition.  The older kids leave and the new ones come.  Glad I could send 6 new ones who didn't have food before.

Today was a good day.  Leading the service (inspiring unity) and learning that 6 kids who weren't eating before now have food is what I came here to do.  I am growing and at the same time helping others.   It feels good.

(To read more about Osiris and how I came to know her check out my post entitled "Second Attempt at Erika's School.")

June 13th!

There are quite a few women I admire.  Too many to name by name, because I might forget one.  But very few leave me feeling intimidated or star struck.  I've been around famous people.  They don't phase me.  But there are two people who have left me with that "star struck" feeling.  And guess what!?!  They are both going to speak at the women's conference for my church in June!

I am so excited my brain is about to explode.  Is it June 13th yet????

This afternoon we had a women's meeting at church and casually discussed the theme and date of the annual conference.  The topic is "Women Living Under Threat".  It's about the abuse of women.  Pastor Ruth asked if anyone knows a lawyer that could speak at the conference about women's rights under the law.  I know the perfect person!

She is not a lawyer, she is much more.  She is the lady who reminded me that I used to climb mountains.  Last week she was officially named an expert witness on domestic violence in the US Federal Court.  She is known and respected all over Honduras.  She saves the lives of women and babies literally every day.  And she is going to speak at our women's conference!

I've wanted Gracie to speak at my church since I first met her.  She is so busy, I didn't really know how that would happen.  Today when Pastor Ruth asked if anyone knows an expert about Honduran law regarding abuse I started hoping and praying it would all come together.  I contacted Gracie and immediately she said she marked it on her calendar and will be there!

I believe that Gracie and Pastora Ruth will make a powerful team.  Through God's anointing, Gracie and Pastora Ruth can teach, preach, and heal.  It is going to be awesome!  The two most powerful women I know under one roof, united to teach and bring healing to women.

I got over feeling star struck around Pastora Ruth.  I still think she is just as awesome and admire her greatly, but since I know her on a personal level, the intimidation went away.  Now I need to get over being start struck by Gracie.

June 13th is going to be an amazing day, God willing.

Dia de los Chicos

The day of the boys was even better than I hoped!  They were perfectly behaved, except for a few split seconds when they got overly excited about the automatic toilet paper dispenser in the men's bathroom.  But after that we used the women's bathroom, which was just as exciting with it's liquid soap pump and hot air blower for the hand dryer, after ONE piece of paper towel each from the dispenser.

Yes, the bathrooms were almost as exciting as the play area.

Erika was able to keep it a surprise, so the boys didn't know what to expect.  They just knew they had to be down at the corner where I always pick up Erika at 1 p.m.  Erika said that Junior kept saying it was 1 pm long before it was time because he was excited to go.

Everything was a fun experience from start to finish.  Riding in the car was exciting.  Since Lorenzo is 10, he got to sit in the front seat.  He loved that.  As he put on his seat belt he looked almost as proud as if he were receiving his high school diploma.  Junior wanted the window down so he could see outside.  You may know that it is not safe to drive with the windows down, especially in the area where these kids live.  I explained why my windows are tinted so dark (to deter thieves and so people can't see a single female in the car).  That made it easier for them to understand that we would roll up windows at stop lights or anyplace someone was walking in the street.  They were good about following that rule.  On the way home we joked that we don't want anyone to steal our left over pizza!

As we drove away I asked was if they wanted pizza or chicken.  Carlos, who hardly ever talks, immediately said pizza!  Junior was too busy looking out the window to answer and Lorenzo was so thrilled to sit up straight with his seat belt in the front seat, I am not sure he heard anything else going on around him.  They did all agree on pizza so we went to Pizza Hut which has a playland.

At first we were the only ones there.  Then two very skinny, NOT very rough and tumble kids came along, and then two small girls.  I thought to myself, oh no.  This might not be good.  But there was not one problem.  They all played together well and did just fine.  Later two boys in private school uniforms showed up and played much more loudly and aggressively, chasing the other kids and roaring at them.  But my three boys were perfect.  (Insert happy face here.)

Lorenzo, Junior and Carlos

Lorenzo

Erika and I decided to order a package which came with drinks for all of us, cheesy garlic bread, pizza and 2 desserts.  The boys played, then ordered drinks (horchata for all).

Carlos, Junior, Lorenzo

The cable tv with cartoons caught their eye for a minute, so everyone did an about-face.  Then they got back to playing until the cheesy garlic bread arrived.

Cheesy garlic bread

We held off on ordering pizza and played until the bathrooms became so exciting.  Then the pizza came quickly, and I was grateful for the distraction.

We can add our own cheese?!??!!

Marjory had some pizza too

As I watch the little kids eat things here (especially chips and junk food) I often think back to the way my sister-in-law carefully introduced one thing at a time, in a special order each week, into the diets of my nephews when they started eating soft food.  No judgement either way, just very different.  Here, the rule is basically, as long as the kids aren't choking they can eat it.

The pizza was great.  Best pizza I've had so far.  The waiter tried to tell me that take out pizza costs less because it is different.  I didn't believe him, but he sure was right!  Our pizza had lots of sauce and there were no bubbles of dough in the middle.  The cheese covered it all.  We agreed it was yummy!  The boys gobbled up their first piece which made me nervous we hadn't ordered enough.  They slowed way down on their second piece, and the third was boxed to go.  The pieces were tiny, but the dough was thick.

After more play time we had dessert.

Carlos with a smile and bright, shiny eyes.
This photo makes my whole day perfect!

Carlos doing somersaults

Lorenzo

Junior

Typical Junior
always hanging from something

Such a sweet boy

So good at sharing!

Marjory's first maraschino cherry - to match her new shirt 

Real sundae spoons were a hit!

Carlos

We shared two delicious desserts of whipped cream with pineapple and watermelon.  At first we were missing a spoon so the boys took turns feeding me.  When I thanked one for a bite of watermelon, then each of them wanted to find me a bite of watermelon.  Same with the pineapple.  They are so good at sharing!

At the end of the meal, the waiter (who was very interested in talking to me) told me he was very impressed with the way the kids behaved and how I am with them.  I told him it's easy because they are great and I love them!  Then he gave us a discount.

As we drove home the kids exclaimed, "Que Rico!" about everything from street signs to businesses.  Everything was good.  They piled out of the car full of smiles and happiness once they figured out how to open the door handles.   Four hours later, my heart is still full from spending the day with such special boys.