During the retreat I got really tired. I took naps, which is odd for me. I also became super thirsty for water which I remember as a symptom from June and July. My ankle swelled up like back in June. It's not a puffy, bloated kind of swelling. Instead it appears that the ankle bone itself has doubled in size.
I've caught myself three times in the hunched shouldered slouch. Last time I associated that with depression and muscle deterioration. This time I don't know where it came from except "The name chikungunya derives from a word in the Kimakonde language, meaning "to become contorted", and describes the stooped appearance of sufferers with joint pain." - World Health Organization. I guess I am contorted again.
Since Wednesday the pain moved into my right elbow, a specific spot on my collar bone, and the back of my neck which hurts if I look to the right. If I sit down it the muscles behind my knees are painful to stand. The eye twitch came back on Thursday and is still twitching. The poor women at the retreat probably thought I was winking at them constantly. Also, I can't spell today. Chikungunya is all encompassing.
Yesterday it moved into my left ankle and left knee. I am finding something to be grateful for. I do not feel the stabbing, burning pain between my shoulder blades. THAT was the worst. But I don't have that. And so far I think my attention span is okay. I don't feel distracted like last time.
I am so sick of people telling me to eat baking soda sprinkled on an orange or get an "injection" (of what?), eat cleaner food (I try to do that anyway), exercise more, exercise less, don't shower at night, take certain vitamins... The list of useless advice is endless. I can't find any rhyme or reason to this disease. Doctors don't know how to treat it. I don't know anyone who has found relief in medication or any of these wacky treatments. Just pray for me, please.
The retreat was good. I met some new people I would like to get to know better. One lady lives really far and is about to leave Honduras, but she is really intelligent and I enjoyed talking with her. She was the type of person who doesn't waste time on small talk - like me. I can't stand small talk.
I also met a woman who reminded me of myself. I've never met another missionary who reminds me of myself. She is from Colorado and enjoys all of the outdoor stuff I love. Plus she had similar struggles when she was younger. She was super friendly. I am more reserved, so I missed out on the opportunity to get to know her until the last evening when I realized all we have in common. I hope I get to hang out with her in the future.
Two years ago I went to this women's retreat for the first time. That retreat completely changed my life. I had the opportunity to sit down with a Christian therapist. He asked if I was serving the way God called me to serve. I really wanted to say yes. My response was, "Last week I was only allowed to make oatmeal one day." I was extremely unhappy and had been for a long time, but I didn't know what to do. That retreat gave me a safe place to talk to people who could see things from an outside perspective.
When the retreat was over a woman asked me for a ride home. Turned out she actually needed a ride to what is now my church! I wasn't looking for a church, but as soon as I walked in I felt at home there. God has funny ways of putting us exactly where He wants us to be.
As I look back over the past two years I see how much work God has done in me. He brought true joy back into my life and he restored my self esteem. That was no small task. He reminded me exactly who He created me to be and led me to a place where I can serve using the gifts He gave me. The only way I could be more blessed right now is if I could get rid of this darn Chikungunya. (Don't mean to complain - just being honest.)
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