WOP Retreat 2015

Sometimes I don't write because I have too much to say. Yesterday was one of those days.

During the Women of Purpose's Revive Retreat I had so much to share with you! I had each thing worded perfectly in my head, promising myself I would remember this moment to share with you.

Unfortunately, yesterday my mind was swarming with those memories. I couldn't sort them out. There were so many, I felt like my brain was flooded, but in a good way.

Today I can barely remember a thing. Back to reality.

Surely I will miss many important things that I swore I would remember three days ago. But here is an abbreviated version of the WOP retreat.

First, the WOP retreat is put on by a group of women who visit Honduras annually to revive female missionaries of Honduras. It was started by a woman who spent three years serving in Honduras and burned out. She returned to the US and still questions if it was the right choice. Could she have made it through the tough times if something like the WOP retreat existed when she was here? She is not looking back at the past. Instead, she is thinking of the future and trying to prevent other missionaries from feeling the same.

It is a weekend of pampering, fellowship with other missionaries from all over Honduras, quiet time. worship, introspection, and good food.

First, I was very happy to room with a bunch of 20 year olds. Only because they don't snore. Lately every time I go to a retreat I room with people my own age and am overcome by snoring. Nobody warns you - this is one of the hazards of getting older.

Then I slowly realized that within the past year, I have come to know a LOT of people! One year ago I went to the WOP retreat knowing only Carol. She and I met two weeks prior. But this year, I knew a ton of people. It was so cool to see them all again.

Consistently, they told me that I look so much better. My countenance has changed. It doesn't matter how they worded it, what they were saying is they can see I am happy now.

I remember a year ago I went home for Christmas. Everyone told me how different I looked. They said I looked happy. But I was really confused. Because at that time I didn't feel happy yet. I felt relieved. I felt hopeful. However, I was not happy. NOW I am happy. I am sooooo happy! I don't care if nobody can see it. I can feel it, and that is what matters.

I think for now I will end this post there. I am happy and the retreat was great!

Here are some photos:

Entering the retreat

Ready and waiting for all of the ladies
with smiles and hugs!

Special snacks

The little things...

My roommate
Babies

I caught her reflection in the mirror
She is valued

Bonfire and S'mores

Beautiful Place

We each got a blanket

All of the way from the US
just to worship with us in English

If it weren't for her, none of us would be there

He built houses by day
and cooked barbeque at night!

This was delicious!

I made this!

The theme of this year - 

Be still

Still here! 

I made this for Laura for her birthday

Stations on the last night
This was our
War Room for Honduras

Prayers across the world

The touch of Jesus

Our fears boxed up and turned over

Our fearless leader

My nightly prayer cluster

My favorite place

We went to my favorite place today. It's like Los Pinos, but with more trees and plants. And pigs. There are pigs running free. When I commented on the pigs my friend explained that people bought pigs to fatten up for Christmas dinner. This one was enormous. Kids were leaping on and riding it like a horse when I first saw it. It's entertainment for the whole neighborhood!

It is also puppy season. We saw a ton of puppies. I have cute photos of kids with puppies, and the cutest photo ever of a boy sitting up in a tree playing a tiny guitar. But I can't print those for privacy reasons. That's the only down-side to my job.

Today we did another questionnaire. We were supposed to visit 40 families. By 1 p.m. we caught up with 32 of the 40 families. Quite an accomplishment! This questionnaire is to assess how the construction projects we did there have helped the community. What I learned is these construction projects really brought the community together. Home after home explained that they had never known their neighbors before. However, they worked together building each other's latrines, roofs and pilas. Now the neighbors trust each other on a deeper level and are living in "community".

A new pila!

Today we drove in with the "sticker". My guess was right. It is a magnetic sign they stick on the side of the car. Our driver kept rolling the windows down and up, depending where we were. Some places are more safe with the windows all of the way down because the people on the streets need to see who is inside the vehicle. In some places he even told us to roll down the back windows. He really wanted us to go with a security guard today. I am not sure why. We were fine without security.

I wore a baseball cap. I didn't realize how much attention my hair attracts. I am going to wear a cap from now on. Nobody called me a gringa all day.

But I did have a run in with a crazy man. He is related to a woman I interviewed. He kept saying all sorts of crazy stuff and poking me with his finger in my arm. The woman I was interviewing said, "Don't be scared." I said, "I'm not." I wasn't scared. I was just eager to get the interview done so he would stop poking me.

Here is one of my favorite parts of this place:

I don't know why I love it, but it is so cool to me! The trees make it feel like a tunnel. I am guessing they put up these big "walls" so nobody could jump out of the bushes.

I was able to snap this photo too:

After we finished my co-worker invited us all to go out to eat. They never let me pay for anything - buses, taxis, snacks or food. I have to start thinking more proactively and treat them. My co-workers are very generous.

Today we went to the mall and had a nice meal. After we ate there was still time before security came to pick us up. We sat and talked. I told them about some of my funniest mistakes with the Spanish language.

Like the time I said I was the best napkin, when I wanted to say I was the best waitress. "Servieta" is "napkin", but I thought it meant server.

Or when I said I told Santos I had ants falling from my chest. The ants were actually falling from my roof, which is "techo". Chest is "pecho".

And then there was the time I tried to say I am hungry every night at midnight. Instead of saying "I have hunger" I said, "I have men every night at midnight.")

We were laughing so hard my co-worders were afraid we would get kicked out of the mall. It was really funny and it felt great to laugh that hard. They said they feel 10 years younger from hanging out with me. We also took these photos:

From left: psychologist; psych intern; mentor; me; my immediate boss.
It was my immediate boss who got her visa to visit her husband in the US!

After I got home I told Fany I spent the whole day in my favorite place with my co-workers. I told her we laughed hard and had lots of fun! She asked me where we had gone. I said, "La cantina." She said, "Whaaaat?" I said "La (and then I realized my mistake) Cantera!"

"La Cantera" is an area of the city. "La cantina" means bar. I told Fany my favorite place is a bar and I spent all day there laughing with co-workers. After almost four years, I will continue to make mistakes. My co-workers and I will get a good laugh out of this!

Tomorrow morning I leave for a Women of Purpose Retreat. It starts at 4 pm, but if we get there early we can get free manicures, pedicures or hair cuts. Last year when I went to this retreat my whole life changed. I look forward to going this year. I am in a much better place in so many ways!

Adios for now. See you after the retreat!

One last thing - The missionary who evaluated the budget of  the refuge for sexually abused girls said they are spending double what they should each month. She asked a few questions about how they are spending. One thing we discovered is that they are paying the commercial rate for their electricity, which they shouldn't be. They have asked for reduced rates, but were told there is no such thing. Friday, armed with more knowledge, they are going to the electric company to get it straightened out. My hope is if they can cut the budget in half, the owners will agree to keep the refuge open.

Nothing

Today I am going to share with you a different sort of post. It may not be for you, but I feel it needs to be said.

Today I did NOTHING.

I was supposed to go to my English speaking bible study this morning. But yesterday I drank too much coffee (a half cup) and was wide awake at 2:30 a.m. which is dumb because I know I am sensitive to coffee, but I drank it anyway. I could make excuses for why I drank the half cup of coffee, but there is no need. This post is not about justifying.

I skipped bible study.

It was sunny so I wanted took advantage of the sunshine to get some laundry done. We are moving into the cold season now so good laundry days are fewer. (And I just remembered! I swore to my family I was going be in the US for January this year. Totally forgot to do that. January here can be cold and gloomy. It's my least favorite month of the year.)

I got the first load of laundry washed when the clouds settled in. My plan was to wash throw rugs and cleaning rags next, but with at the clouds, I decided to alter the plan. In the end I did get all of the clothes washed. Some are still drying inside of the house. The rain came as expected. However, laundry was not a complete disaster. I just have some rugs and cleaning rags to wash on another day.

The lady I met though a mutual friend yesterday sent me messages while I was washing. She has experience in running homes for children and reviving organizations that are floundering. She said she thinks that the refuge for sexually abused girls can trim their budget. There were a few more questions she needed answered, but she said unless the staff are getting paid huge salaries, which I don't believe they were, they can streamline their budget and become more sustainable. That was great news! I passed it along to my friends who are praying for the refuge and its girls.

Then I turned on the tv. Nothing was on and I felt like I really wanted to watch a movie, which is strange for me. I am not one to watch movies. But I was really in the mood for a good movie. So I watched "I Am". Wow. What an incredible documentary. I can't say enough about it.

The whole time I watched I wanted to take notes. I wanted to quote the movie and share the quotes like all of those little motivating things people post on Facebook. If every North American watched that movie and lived their lives with love, this world would be a better place. It was so inspirational!

It talked about the fact that we are meant to live in community with others. But as North Americans we are raised to become separate individuals. This is against our DNA! I think Honduras does a better job in many ways of living in community. In the US we are told if we are not independent by the age of 18 or 21 we are losers. Our parents raise us to go and live our lives away from them. We move hours and states and sometimes countries away from our family. And we are told we are weak if we depend on our community.

Guess what? Flocks of birds move as a community - even the crazy fast flying ones. Herds of animals made decisions to seek water and food as a community. Schools of fish move as one. But humans still can't figure out how to live as a community. We are not only raised to be individuals, but then we also accept labels that divide us. (That was my own addition to the movie.)

The happiest times I have ever lived, and the happiest people I know, were in community. They live and depend on others. In deep community. Sometimes we can live in shallow community and feel good about ourselves, but it is the deep, deep community that our hearts truly long for.

What makes your heart beat fast with hope and elation? What brings tears of joy to your eyes? If you eliminate any negative feelings, such as fear, the thing that makes our hearts beat fast and our eyes weep is an experience that we share in community.

After the movie I decided to cook myself some good food and watch another movie. So I watched "I am David". I recommend that too.

The point of this post is that today I did nothing. I cleaned my house, mopped the floor, tidied up, and did spend a little time in morning devotion. But I wasn't out doing "missionary" things.

Sometimes I think that, since I am living on your support, I need to be "doing" all of the time. I feel guilty when I am not. Today I realize that is not healthy!

So I am telling you outright. It's 4 pm. Tonight I plan to warm up the beans and tortillas that I had for lunch and watch a third movie or maybe read a book. It's a rainy day in Honduras and this missionary is going to relax. Without guilt.

Watch "I Am" if you haven't already! It's a great documentary.

Moving with the Spirit

Yesterday we celebrated my one year anniversary at Alas de Aguilas. One year ago I went to a women's retreat. A friend asked me to give her a ride home when the retreat was over. She didn't really want a ride to her home, she needed a ride to her church, Alas de Aguilas. Little did I know that would soon become my home too. Praise God for sending me there.

The message yesterday was about spiritual sterility. When we are baptized we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit within us. The Holy Spirit is our way of feeling God's presence and communicating with God. To live without the Holy Spirit in our daily lives leaves us sterile and barren as Christians. We cannot bear fruit.

Looking over the past year I see so many changes in myself. Yesterday, without knowing that it was my one year anniversary, my friend Oneida told me that she remembers a year ago when she first met me. She said I was not cold, but very distant and without much emotion. Now she says I am happy all of the time and so friendly. Yes, it's true. I am much different now than I was a year ago. Praise be to God.

After the service a friend approached me and asked if I would go serve at an orphanage with some others. I said I would love to but I already made plans to eat with Oneida and her family. They didn't have much food last week when I visited so I figured we could get some rice and veggies and a chicken to make Arroz con Pollo. It's cheap and it feeds a ton of people. But God had different plans.

A lady from the church took Oneida's kids to lunch and a museum. Since Oneida didn't have to look after her kids, she offered to come with me. God set that up perfectly! Oneida and I were treated to lunch by Jorge Saramiento. Then he took us to an orphanage for girls who were sexually abused. It was incredible to see how the afternoon unfolded.

Jorge and I played with the kids. A young man we brought with us and Oneida stood back and watched. When the games ended a lady took me aside and asked if I knew the history of the place. I said no, I really know nothing. I told her that my friend invited me to visit, so I came.

She sat down with me at a table. At first I thought, "Oh no. They see white skin and think I have money." In the end, they did need money. But I really believe it was not my white skin, I believe it was God who had them sit down with me.

They explained about the program. They house and care for 19 girls between the ages of 8 and 19, all of whom were sexually abused. Some have physical and learning disabilities. All of them have a story - the grandfather abused them and now the grandmother will not allow them to come home because he was convicted; all of the women of the family raised money to get an offender out of jail and now he is abusing younger sisters; the mother died giving birth and the father turned his older daughter into his "wife". At 14 she had to care for her younger siblings and perform wifely duties for her father. Lots of sad stories.

But these ladies are doing good things! Every child except one is in school. There is a psychologist and a social worker there with them. The staff  are teaching the girls to be self sufficient, making sure they will be able to do something to earn a living when they leave. They are also encouraged to dream big. Each of the girls have special gifts. The staff notices and supports each girls' strengths. One is great with animals, another with plants, another is quick to attend to anyone who is hurt...

The girls have formed a family of their own. Nobody gets visits on their birthdays from biological family, although they could have visitors. Most of the families have disowned the girls for "telling on" the offender. So they celebrate with their new families - the "sisters" and "aunts" they live with every day.

The location is exquisite. They could house even more people. In fact the Honduran counterpart of DCFS would like to place 15 more girls there. But there is no money. The private owners have not been able to pay a salary for 5-6 months. They went with out electricity for 6 months. There is a hole in the cistern, so all of their water is held in two big plastic swimming pools.

Two of the dormitories for the girls

The cistern with a hole

Swimming pools, but no swimming here! This water is for the homes

I walked into that place thinking they were living in the lap of luxury. By first appearance, it seems that way. The more time I spent there, the more I realized they are sinking, and sinking fast. The owners have told the five ladies who work there that they will close in December, unless the ladies can come up with a plan. If the place closes, the girls will either go back to the homes where they were abused, or to the streets. Neither situation is good.

I think if they had dropped all of that on me at once, I would have felt hopeless and overwhelmed. But they talked to me about the girls first, then showed me around the property. I asked if they had help from a group of men, would they have projects for the men, and that's how I learned the swimming pools were not for swimming. The lights went out as we toured the sleeping quarters and one of them let it slip that they just had the electricity turned back on after being without for six months. As we were saying good bye they said they hope we return to visit the girls. They said as long as the girls are there, they will remain to take care of them, although they haven't been paid in 5-6 months.

None of this was presented as a complaint. It was framed as, "If you know anyone who could help." I immediately thought of a friend of mine who runs a similar project. She is a wise business lady and may be able to offer advice. They said they would LOVE any advice she could give and would make themselves available whenever she can come, or they could go to her if that is better.

I was not allowed to take photos of the girls because of privacy laws, but I did get some photos of the crafts they are doing to raise money.

Beautiful Planters

Hand painted with love

Another fundraising project, gardens inside of a tire

More tires for planters

When I got home I posted photos on Facebook and got responses I never expected of people who would like to help. But I knew we shouldn't get all wrapped up in emotion and "go off half cocked" as my Dad used to say. (I googled that to make sure it isn't something vulgar.) It seems wisest that we assess the best way to help.

Maybe their most immediate need is to plug up the cistern or build a new one. But if they are only going to be there for a few more weeks, then there is no sense in spending money that way when there are mouths to feed and salaries to pay. The ladies who are working for free have their own families who are going without an income. I asked the people who want to help to be patient. We can't throw money at the situation and walk away. We have to figure out what is the most effective way to help in the long run.

Sleeping quarters

Guess what is inside this bottle (see below)

Gas for the lawnmower

When you can't afford electricity or gas
this is how you cook for 20+ people

A goat = milk!

The barbed wire that kept them safe has fallen down
and needs to be replaced

Steel radial tires
Good thing it's a spare

Today I got a message from a lady I met at the last conference. She referred me to another missionary whose whole mission is to help failing ministries! That person and I have been in contact throughout the day. She believes God brought the two of us together for a reason. I believe God sent me to that orphanage for a reason. (I hate the word "orphanage" but use it for lack of one better.) We are brainstorming about what to do. Right now, the women from the orphanage are sending a list of immediate financial needs, as well as their normal monthly budget. We'll see how to move forward from there. If it is God's will, He will show us how to intervene.

Thinking of you!

Erika called. She said she didn't want anything, just to talk. The baby is better. Doctors said she had an infection from drinking water in Los Pinos.

Today I have a meeting with Pastor Payson and Pastora Ruth.

I also have to take Jetty to the vet, which means the joyous experience of cleaning up puke after she gets carsick.

I had the best time last night in intercession for two of my friends who are going through difficult times. The people I pray with really came together and prayed hard for them. I think I even heard some crying over the situations my friends are facing. Today one has a court hearing and one has to go to the US Embassy. I have been in contact with both this morning and will continue in prayer.

I keep forgetting to share with you that my head boss, the founder of the place where I work, met with four US senators and one member of congress last week to discuss what is going on in Honduras! I am telling you, this organization is absolutely amazing! In our weekly devotional on Monday he said he couldn't believe he was sitting in the room with those people. It really is quite remarkable.

Click here to read how the Association for a More Just Society changed the average number of school days in Honduras from 125 to more than 200! This is a life changer for the kids I serve. You can only absorb so much in four hours of classes (which also includes a 20 minute recess). I am so grateful that the teachers have become for dedicated to their profession.

http://ajs-us.org/news/honduras-celebrates-200-school-days

Lastly, I would like to talk straight to you - the people who read this blog, and the people who support me financially, in prayer, with encouraging words, with helpful advice. I pray for you often. Usually I think of you most when I am out "in the field", walking through the communities that I serve. It is such a blessing for me to be in those places. I don't take it for granted. I take tons of imaginary photos in my mind, in places where it is too dangerous to pull out a cell phone, and I wish that I could share those photos with you! My co-workers are probably sick of hearing me say, "That would be a great photo!" They don't understand pictures are the best way for me to share my world with you.

I am thankful that you are part of this journey and grateful for your support. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!