Awesome Weekend!

The past 48 hours have been really amazing!

A group of jovenes (teens) from the city were invited to spend the night in La Tigra and attend a presentation Saturday morning about La Tigra and environmental conservation. I was asked to go along to chaperone the girls and gladly accepted the invitation. La Tigra is one of my favorite places on earth. It is a beautiful rain forest and part of a National Park. We met at the church - me with all of my gringa camping gear and the girls with little bags like what my mother would use to carry library books.

Lolita, Estephany, Kebelin, Fabiola

Although we waited 40 minutes, soon after we left Walter got a phone call that more kids had arrived at the church. We pulled over on the side of the road and they drove to meet us. Then, with six kids in tow, we headed up the mountain. We arrived at the church in La Tigra to find the Honduras-Panama fútbol game projected on the wall like a big screen with huge speakers to give the full effect. About 30 local people were gathered to watch the game.

One of the mothers had made me promise to take care of her daughter as though she were my own, so I felt terrible when she said she felt sick to her stomach. I had no medicine and could only offer to sit outside with her in the fresh air. When it became apparent that Honduras was not going to win, more teens came outside and began to their own game of fútbol. Soon Estephany felt well enough to play. From that point on, she played fútbol unless she was sleeping or eating.

Fabiola and Estephany playing fútbol with two local boys

We were treated like royalty, with tents already set up and mattresses inside. There was also wood stacked in perfect square over square, with pine needles between each layer, for a huge bonfire. Next time I'll know to bring S'mores! Even the stars put on an amazing show for us. The city kids laid down and tried to guess how many stars were in the sky, all of them commenting over and over about how beautiful it is in La Tigra. What an honor, to share that experience with them.

Finally it started getting chilly, so we started the bonfire and warmed up. By that point we were tired and ready for bed. Fabiola forgot her blanket. She was going to share with Estephany and me, but got frustrated when Estaphany told her to keep her ice cold feet to herself. Then she moved into the other tent with Lolita and Kebelin and we could hear them complaining about her cold feet too. After a few minutes of giggling, everyone was sound asleep. The sun rises here before 6 a.m., but we slept until 8. I was very happy about that.

Breakfast was pancakes on the grill outside. The girls swore they could each eat four. I should have known better than to listen to them after watching their skinny teenaged legs running around the night before playing soccer. They are all in that in between stage, where they haven't grown into their long legs yet. Anyway, they barely ate 3 each. I pretended to scold them, but really I knew it was my fault. I shouldn't have made all of that food. So we gave the extras to some local people who were cleaning up the area before the presentation. At least none of it went to waste in the end. For the rest of the day we joked about never wanting to eat another pancake for the rest of our lives.

The girls suggested we go for a hike, and if you know me, you know I was thrilled with that idea. I had told them I was baptized in the river nearby, so they asked if I would show them where I was baptized. What an amazing honor and blessing, to be able to show the young girls where I was baptized! We walked down, or in some cases slid, because none of us had appropriate shoes. It was a beautiful hike. Each time we came to a small clearing they would ask, "Is this it?" and I would say, "No, it is better than this."

Lolita, Kebelin, Estephany and Fabiola on the hike

Kebelin on part of the ropes course

Rainforest

Finally we got to the place where I was baptized. THEY LOVED IT! After taking a look they decided they wanted to go for a swim, so they jumped in.  I felt horrible because I had to make them leave too soon. It was time for the speaker to begin as we started to climb back up the mountain. But they had been enjoying themselves so much I couldn't rob them of that moment.  They were good sports about having to leave so quickly.

Place I was baptized

Fabiola in the waterfall

We got back just in time to take a seat and the presentation began. Walter called me over to ask why the floor was wet under Kebelin's chair. I don't know what he thought, but I explained she had been swimming, so her hair was wet and dripping. Oops!

They listened intently to the speaker. I was so proud of them when they contributed by talking about how we had just been hiking and picked up the garbage we found. (I expected them to complain when I asked them to collect garbage on the way back, but they made a game to see who could collect the most.) They told the speaker that if we work as a team we can help keep La Tigra clean!

Parque Nacional "La Tigra"

After the presentation they begged to go hiking again, but it was time for lunch. Lunch was two hotdogs topped with piles of onion, chiles, relish and other condiments. I knew my belly could only hold one, but everyone else struggled to finish two. Wasting food here is not acceptable. With full bellies we waited for a ride back to the city. We took some more pictures, Estephany played fútbol, and the rest of us rested in the tents.

Lolita, Fabiola, Kebelin with full bellies

Estephany, Kebelin, Lolita, me, Fabiola

After a brief downpour, in which we discovered the tents all leak, we packed everything up and headed back to the city. It was a really great time.

Karla was at the church, waiting for me. We were three hours late getting home, but nobody seemed to notice. This was the start of part two of my awesome weekend.

We washed Karla's car in the rain, then went to pick up Jose from his college. (He even had a class at 9 a.m. on Sunday!)  After picking up Jose they were starving, so we had a big dinner. Karla is known for her cooking, which is funny because her whole family is so thin. I was NOT hungry, but ate anyway, just because the food was good. Then we unplugged a clogged drain with a wet vac - never heard of doing it that way before, but it worked! Afterward, I did two loads of laundry in the washer and dryer. Now my tank tops are no longer stretched out around the bottom, my towel is not scratchy and my blankets don't smell like wet dog. Life is good!

Karla's Kitchen

Living Room at Karla and Jose's house - door on left leads to outside patio

We sat out on the porch and listened to the frogs. We talked about important stuff. I love spending time with Karla and Jose. They treat me like family. And we don't waste time with small talk. Then Karla found a show on tv that has been on since she was a child. She was excited to share it with me and tell me about the ways it has changed over the years. When it was over we watched some more fútbol until I got tired and told everyone good night.

This morning we went to church. Jairo was not there, but it was still a great message. It was about remembering to go to God with everything, not just when you are sad or have problems, but also when you are happy.

I realized as I sat there that I had been dreading this day for a long time. Because I never believed this day would happen the way that it did. In my mind I imagined that on the last Sunday before my flight back to the states I would be horribly sad and heart broken. I thought I would be saying good bye to everyone, maybe for the last time. I pictured this day to be a horrible, painful day. But instead, this is the day that my mind and my heart finally came to terms with the fact that I am going to live in Honduras. It was a process that happened step by step, throughout the day. In church I started crying as I explained to Jose that I had been dreading this day, because I hadn't dared to hope that I would stay here. I didn't want to get my hopes up because I thought it would hurt more when I had to leave. Then I told Karla how this day was so much different from what I had expected. It felt like a celebration. God is allowing me to stay in Honduras!

After church I promised the kids I would be back in a few weeks. I got a special hug from my buddy Christian (Conejo). He has outgrown our days of being side by side, but he still makes sure to grab me in a big hug from behind and make me guess who it is every once in a while. I spun him around and held on to him. I love that boy. He has been struggling lately and I'm not sure why. Don Juan will figure it out. I'm guessing family problems.

After church Leonor (my landlord, and now my friend) and I went to lunch, then hung out at the mall. We looked for a bible for Marlin - one that is especially easy to read. One of the stores ended up ordering it for us. Then we sat down and had coffee to pass time until the gringo church. God was definitely guiding our conversation because she is struggling with something I had direct experience with, so we made a plan to work on that together. I don't think I can really help, but at least I can provide some insight.

Gringo church was nice. She said she really liked it. She knew a lot of people there, because they are all teachers at her daughters' school. At the Gringo church I learned that today is missions Sunday. I didn't even realize that was this week. How appropriate for me to finally feel like a real missionary on missions Sunday!

After church she dropped me off and I walked into my house for the first time since Friday afternoon. It was the best feeling of coming home. I walked in, looked around and had a true sense of being at home, not just at the place where I am staying, but my home. There is a difference.

That was my awesome weekend.

Everything is great, but my blogger is busted

I've been trying to blog for a few days now - lots of fun and exciting things, but my blogging system seems to be messed up.  Probably won't have time to fix it until next week.  Have a busy weekend ahead.  Just know that all is well, the kids are great, Lourdes and Jairo left for the states today.  I have been having a blast and have lots of cool things set up for the weekend.  My rash seems to be going away.  It doesn't itch at all anymore.

More later, when I can figure out how to make this new system work.

I am allergic to Honduras!

After days of driving myself insane with a rash, which spread from my head to my knees, I got to see the doctor today.  Do I need to tell you what happened?  It suddenly improved - to the point that I was glad his daughter had seen it yesterday and I had photos for proof of how bad it was.  Most of me was happy to have it going away, but part of me is afraid it will come back at any moment and I still won't know what caused it.  So I pulled out the photos and showed him the gory details.  At that point he was able to determine that I am allergic to humidity.  Makes sense.  All at the same time the rainy season came and I started running, so my skin has definitely been more moist lately.  I guess my skin must have felt a little overwhelmed and decided to show me it was NOT happy.

Now I realize I have had this rash twice before.  Both times when I was spending more time up in El Hatillo and La Tigra - the rainforest.  At this point I only have one spot that is still itchy so I am very content.  The rest are fading away so quickly it is amazing!  Just since this morning the improvement is remarkable.

My Dr in the states sent me here armed with several different meds.  I've been taking them all.  When I saw the Dr today I laid them all out on the table.  He set three aside and told me not to use them, but showed me the one that had helped and others that were good pain relievers.  He will come back to see me on Thursday to make sure I am fully healed.  I think I will be.  Oh!  It feels so good to go to bed tonight knowing that I'm not sleeping in bed bugs or allergic to my sheets and my clothes!  Just need to stay dry.

Marlin had pancakes all ready when we arrived today.  I was still not feeling very strong (he said the weakness means I have a strong allergic reaction), but finally roday I found something that sounded appealing - yogurt!  So Jairo and I bought a ton of it.  I already ate almost all.

Lorenzo and I have a new special bond.  I'm not sure why.  He has decided that he needs lots of long hugs from me, which is absolutely fine with me.  In fact I love it!  I have a strong feeling he doesn't get hugs outside of the church.  I asked him how old he is today.  He comes up to the top of my leg and he is 8 years old.  Tragic.

Lourdes speaking with Lorenzo

 On the left of Lourdes, Lorenzo - age 8, on the right of Lourdes, Meylin - age 6
See how tiny he is?

Junior also showed up today.  He is two.  Lourdes pointed out how much weight he has lost, just in the time I have known him.  His family is very dysfunctional and can't pull it together enough to get him to the church so he can get some food in his belly.  It is distended and his legs are skinny.  Very sad to see.  But he sure is a high spirited boy.  Seems like he has no idea that he is so young.  He tries to take charge of everything and doesn't let anyone get in his way.  Today he decided it would be fun to throw toys at a much older boy, and then have the boy throw toys at him.  I stopped the marvelous game before anyone was hurt, and then looked outside to see them throwing toys into the rafters, trying to get them to hang there.  Lourdes gave them a stern talking to before we prayed today about throwing toys in the church.

Today was Lourdes' last day at the breakfast program before she leaves for a trip with her family to the states.  I'll have lots of help, with Marlin and Walter and the teen aged girls, so I'm not worried.

Tomorrow, however, Walter, Jairo, and Ethel (the leader of the Elders), are invited to a meeting at the President's house!  It is about how to solve the gang problems.  Jairo seems to be looking forward to it.

Josselyn and I got to hang out for a while as her father was meeting with Walter and Ethel.  She is about to finish another term of college and continues to work hard and enjoy school.  We ordered books from Amazon today.  Amazon doesn't deliver to Honduras, so they are all being sent to a good friend in the states.  Joss is very excited to get her books.  She wasn't expecting to be able to have them and has been trying to figure out a way since the first day I got here when I was reading one of them on my Kindle.  She really wanted her own hard copy since she reads them over and over.  We did some shopping and she was worried about the cost so I told her I would buy her a book as a birthday present, even though her birthday is still months away.  Her family does so much for me, I really wouldn't mind paying for all of the books, but I don't know if her father would appreciate that.

I paid my first bill today!  That was exciting and made me feel like I really live here.  The electric bill gets stuck with masking tape on your front gate and you gave to take this little thing, smaller than a grocery receipt, and pay it at the bank.  Bank lines are always very long, but since there is no postal system here, that is how you receive and pay your bills.

Last night I was thinking about how much I had looked forward to seeing Karla and Jose, but in reality I haven't spent much time with them.  They are so busy with work and college and their kids that I fully understand, but I still wish I could see them more often than a quick hello after church.  Tonight Karla called and invited me to come spend the weekend at their house.  I eagerly accepted the invitation.  Maybe we can go to the mercado and buy fresh fruits, veggies, cheese and meat from local vendors, like we used to when I lived here before.  I love the mercado and have not been able to go at all yet.  It is like a giant farmers market with meat hanging from hooks and fish lying on tables and fruits and veggies you have never seen before.  Heaven!  I remember buying so many veggies we covered a table big enough to seat 8 ppl and we only spent $14 US dollars.  That place is awesome!
I had another new experience today.  I had to pay two months' rent, since I won't be here in the beginning of July, plus a few other bills, so I went to the ATM and had to take out 20,000 Limpiras.  That feels a little scary.  I kept doing the math over and over in my head, worried that I was going to bankrupt my account.  Ended up the machine would only give me 10,000 Limps at a time, but it still felt odd pushing those big numbers into the machine.  Since my landlord is moving I will get her washing machine.   When I get back from the states, I will have a washer!  That is very exciting to me.  She is not getting rid of her dryer, unfortunately.  But the rainy season will end some day.  Then my rash will go away and drying clothes on the line won't be quite so challenging.  In the meantime I do love thunderstorms ~

I am a rock star!

Yesterday was a bad day.  It was the first time I questioned if I really belong here and if I want to stay.  I was up all night, itching and waiting for a phone call that never came.  The Catholic Church across the street was singing until 4 am!  Lourdes said it must have been a vigil of some sort.  I still never tire of listening to them sing.  Every hour I showered and applied more Caladryl.  Nothing is helping with this rash.  It continues to spread.  It itches worst at night.

I finally fell asleep at 6am, then woke at 8:30 long enough to call Lourdes and tell her I am skipping church this week.  They are having a big carne asada dinner after the service to raise money for the mens' conference.  I feel so ugly and disgusting and itchy.  I couldn't deal with putting on a happy face and going out in public.  Ended up sleeping much of the day away.  I was sad and homesick, counting the minutes until the day was over.

Jairo and Lourdes spent the day/evening with Jairo's sister, Rosario.  Lourdes said she sees improvement, but Jairo sees none.  They had me send pictures of my rash to the Dr who was there with her.  I was so shaky, it was hard to take photos, but I sent them and he prescribed a cream.  I did some research on line.  It's an over the counter cream for dry skin.  We confirmed that the Dr will be at the breakfast program tomorrow, so I will let him see it in person and see what he says.

Last night I slept much better but woke to find the rash has now spread downward to my knees!  So basically my calves and feet don't itch.  I knew it would be nice to get out of the house, stop thinking about things that are making me sad, and see the kids.  When we pulled in the driveway about 20 little ones chased after the van to greet us and I immediately felt better.  We have to ask them every day not to get too close to the van, but I must admit it feels good to be greeted with hugs before you even get out of the car.  It's like being a famous rock start every morning!  They even asked why I wasn't at church yesterday - they noticed my absence.  That felt nice.

Aside from the fact that wearing clothes makes my itching worse, I had a really nice day.  Lourdes explained to the kids that she will not be here starting on Wednesday.  She told them that I will be in charge and they need to be respectful to me (which they really are) and they need to control themselves from cursing or hitting each other.  She reminded them they have to leave when they are done, and there will be no tutoring or Doctor visits while she is gone.  She also announced that I will be working with the preschoolers when I get back.  I've always specialized in teens, so I'm going to have to research how to prepare these kids for school.  I already know the kids I'll be working with, and I love them, so it will be fun.

Marlin already had all of the food prepared when we got there, so we went straight into prayer time.  Today there were about 55 kids.  There were a lot of times I wished I had my camera in hand.  The kids were really cute.  Bigger kids helped the little ones.  They played well together and cheered each other on.  I tried to help Marlin as much as I could, but it was difficult.  I am weak today.  It was hot in the kitchen and the heat was overwhelming.  I kept thinking what a wimp I am.  Marlin is fighting a cold and she worked hard without complaint.  I kept stepping outside for a breath of fresh air.  At the end of the day, she was scrubbing out dish towels so I went over and watched.  I admitted that I am not good at scrubbing in the pila yet.  She took the time to show me how to hold the towel, what part of my hand to use for scrubbing, and how to know when it is really clean.  We stood at the pila, side by side, and scrubbed all of the towels.  I liked that.  It will take a while for me to be as efficient as Marlin is.  She gave me a big hug at the end of the day.  Lots of times Marlin and I communicate without words.  She is a special friend.

When I got home, I showered again, lathered myself in Caladryl and took a nap.  I haven't been taking Benedryl since last night, but I am still tired!  This stupid rash is kicking my butt.  I am trying hard not to complain about it, but I am not successful.  I see so many others around me facing things much more difficult than a rash without complaint.  I have room to grow in this area.

No scabies or bed bugs

Well, the Dr never came and my rash is getting worse.  It started on the underside of my left forearm, then went to my right shoulder.  (I had the same thing on my right shoulder when I first got here, but it went away.)  Now it is all over my neck and chest and spreading onto my stomach and left arm.  It is as ugly as it is itchy - and it is VERY itchy.  Good news is that somehow my face is mostly healed from it.  Now if the rest of my body would catch up.  I'm taking everything I can think of.  Lots of Benedryl, started Cipro this morning in case it's bacterial, and various topical things like Caladryl and hydrocortizone.  The hydrocortizone seems to do nothing.

At first we thought it was bed bugs.  From the rash, it looks like it could be bed bugs.  I've spent hours doing research on line.  But there is not a bug in sight.  I cleaned everything and sprayed everything and I'm still getting more spots.  FRUSTRATING!

Finally got myself out of the Benedryl stupor this morning long enough to walk up to the farmacia.  I noticed it was closed yesterday.  Today the people at the pulperia told me the farmacia is permanently closed.  Luckily my favorite taxista was right there, so he drove me to the nearest pharmacy, which happens to be inside the grocery store.  I got more Benedryl and Caladryl, then picked up a few things to eat.  I've been scared to eat because I don't know what is causing this, but standing in line at the pharmacy I realized I was weak and shaky, so I got a huge baguette.

I also got some Febreeze since my towel, which I washed a week ago, is still not dry.  I've had to wash it at least 3 more times because it starts to smell musty before I can get it to dry.  The Febreeze worked great on a comforter that Lourdes let me borrow.  She felt terrible because it smells musty, but I told her I'd rather have a musty smell than sleep in blankets that could have bugs in them.  My cousin, Carolyn, has been really helpful.  We've been chatting on Facebook about how to deal with stuff like hand washing laundry and how to get rid of a rash.  She is full of good advice.  She went through a terrible time when she first got to Guatemala, where she serves in the Peace Corp.  Her house and bed were infested with fleas.  Between Carolyn and her friends, they've experienced every skin disease known to man, it seems.  Another friend who was also in the Peace Corp suggested using Head and Shoulders shampoo as a body wash.  Got some at the store today and it seems to work.  Thanks Julia!

I also got Raid plug ins.  I am wondering if I am allergic to bug bites.  Or maybe laundry detergent, but that is doubtful because the worst parts of the rash don't have contact with my clothes (neck, forearms).  Not sure what is causing this rash, but I it is NOT a pleasant experience.

Thursday night Jairo was asked to speak to a group of journalists about trauma.  Since Alfredo Villatoro was kidnapped on his way to work at the radio station, then killed, many journalists worry that they could be next.  The journalists were grateful to Jairo for coming and sharing his knowledge with them.  (Jairo is not only a pastor, he is also a psychologist.)  He said it was a very intense and special meeting.  Many cried.  He was happy that he could offer help.  On Friday he already had four sessions with individual journalists who asked for therapy.  There were more who still want to be seen.  They tried to pay him, but Jairo said that he is doing this for his country.  He said journalists play a big role in keeping the country safe by keeping people informed and he wanted to show the journalists his appreciation.  He was really psyched to be able to serve the journalists and was thrilled with the way they received him.  You wouldn't think that being a journalist could put your life in jeopardy, but in a country so corrupt they have every reason to be fearful. 

So far there are six people implicated in the murder of Alfredo Villatoro. There are more involved who have not been named yet.  One of the places where Alfredo Villatoro was held hostage was found this week.  The case is still unraveling.  I am happy they have made this much progress.  In Honduras, 90% of all murder cases go unsolved according to CNN.

Friday was pupusas day at the breakfast program.  Yummy!  We had to cook an extra batch because so many kids showed up.  We've been talking all week about the fact that we can't remember the last time we bathed Lorenzo and he does not shower at home.  Therefore, when I heard screaming and wailing outside I was not surprised to see poor little Lorenzo, naked as a jaybird, with Don Jaun holding him in place and scrubbing him down.  Lourdes went over and calmed Lorenzo down.

Lorenzo

I have never seen a kid who hates bathing so much.  I would love to know why he feels so strongly about washing.  He seems so scared.  Don Juan is as gentle as he can be, and they stay in an open space - they don't go into the bathroom.  I keep wondering if Lorenzo has suffered trauma in the past with water, or while bathing.  He goes crazy when we ask him to clean himself.  I am sure Don Juan never expected that bathing little boys would be part of his job description when he started doing maintenance and security at the church.  Don Juan loves the kids as much as any of us do.  He watches over them carefully and can tell you a lot about each of them, like who needs new clothes, who doesn't eat at home, who has a violent family life.  We are blessed to have Don Juan at the church.

After the bathing was over, I grabbed a towel and wrapped Lorenzo up in it.  The towel wasn't very big but it covered his whole body, head to toe.  He is so malnourished he is about the size of a four year old and I think he's about 9.  I hugged him in the towel until Lourdes came over and dried him all off like only a mother can.  When she saw the condition of Lorenzo's tee shirt for school she told him that she will send money with one of the older girls to buy a new shirt for him.

Watching Don Juan gently bathe that terrified little boy is an experience I will never forget.  Add that to my "seriously disturbed" list.

Friday morning we also got news that Jairo's sister, Rosario, has organ failure.  She has been fighting cancer.  She told her family that she wants to die at home.  Lourdes was worried about how Rosario would respond when her husband told her yesterday that it is time to leave the hospital and go home.  I guess it went ok.  She is home now.  Lourdes went to pray with Rosario last night.  I think Lourdes and Jairo are with her today.  I am glad I got to meet Rosario on Mother's Day.  She was certainly not well that day, but she was sitting up in bed and talked to us for a long time.  Today Lourdes said she can't eat or drink water, but she was able to urinate a little bit, which is good.  We are still praying boldly for a miracle, but we realize how sick she really is.

I have noticed a big change over the past week in my own prayer life.  I noticed I pray more throughout the day and I have been really conscious about praying for people who ask me to pray for them.  One friend at home was waiting for test results.  I prayed for that person in every way I knew how.  Another friend in NY has something going on with her family and I have been praying for her non-stop too.  I think I've been doing a better job of being consistent and thorough in prayer.  Seems like it is working too.  The friend who was waiting for test results got word three days early that things are okay.

I'm working on logistical stuff for when I am in the states, like where my cat and I will stay.  I haven't been thinking as much about what I am going to sell and whether I can find a cheap enough storage unit to keep my sofa and bed.  I hope it will all fall into place when I get there.

This week I did a lot of writing for Lourdes and Jairo.  They are very grateful that they can either dictate, or give me notes and I translate everything to English.  They get a lot more done this way.  We are working on scholarships for the boys in the private Christian School.  I am also now the person most people from the states contact if they need to get a message to Lourdes and sometimes Jairo too.

Lourdes had a little bit more pain this week than last.  She has not been exercising, but she has been resting well.  Friday she did not feel good at all.

On the other hand I cannot put into words how excited the whole family feels about their trip to Salt Lake.  They are, as my mother would say, thrilled to death.  Wow, that is a stupid saying.  Why would anyone want to be thrilled to death?  Anyway, they are thrilled.  They can't wait to see their K2 family and spend a lot of quality time with people.  I love seeing them excited about things.  It is great that they can get away as a family because around here they struggle to have family time together.

I am actually looking forward to going home.  The first week I will spend with my brother and his family, camping at the bluegrass festival in Telluride.  Then I'll head up to Salt lake to do whatever I am going to do with all of my stuff in storage.  I'll head back to Colorado to see my mom and spend time with my family for the fourth of July.  This will be the first time I've ever left Honduras without a broken heart.  Usually I am so sad to leave this place behind, but this time I know I'll be coming back!

A good friend told me I need to be more descriptive when I talk about food.  She's awfully smart, so I bet if she didn't understand there were others who didn't understand either.  If you have any questions, please feel free ask.  If you have any advice about rashes or how to get rid of everything you own, I'll take that too.

Thank you so much for reading my blog.  I received a notice yesterday about my funding and saw that on the list of people who are supporting me financially, there are four people I have never met before!  To me, that is amazing.  One of my goals in coming to Honduras was to help make people in the US aware of what is going on here.  I think that is actually happening!

Speaking of funding, I am very close to being funded at the minimum amount that I need to get by here.  Once all the monthly donations are totaled, I should be about $200 short of my minimum goal.  I have to sit down and write thank you emails when I am not so drugged up on Benedryl.  It is hard to put into words how much I appreciate your help.  In reality, I see it as you all investing in the future of these kids, and trusting me to help you do that.  I love that you care about the kids so much.  Thank you for every penny you have donated and every prayer you have sent up to God.  Thank you for each time you have talked to someone about what is going on in Honduras.

I wish I could tell you more about that, but I have to be wise and stay safe here.  I have noticed an increase in the amount of military people standing in groups on the sidewalks, as well as driving in trucks.  This morning a truck full of men with guns pulled past my neighborhood.  They were dressed in camouflage and the back of their truck said "PATROL".  Some stand in the back of the truck and look ahead, others face behind.  They seem to be more alert and ready for something.  The private guards at my gate have stepped up security to a new level too.  Today I saw them call to a man who had walked past them on the sidewalk.  He pointed to the house he was going to visit, but they still asked him to walk back and leave his ID with them.  I've never seen them stop anyone on foot before, just cars.  He seemed a little annoyed but I am happy that people can't walk through my neighborhood without permission.  Last Sunday they wouldn't let Jairo in.  I had to go meet him on the corner.  Both of us were okay with that.

The beautiful sunshine has gone away, and thunder is rumbling.  Time for some rain.  Everything is dry except my towel, so I'm all set.

If you are a praying type of person, please pray for the Sarmiento family.  If you'd like you could pray that this stupid rash goes away!  At least I've ruled out scabies and bedbugs.

Letting Go

It's 3:30 a.m.  I haven't been writing because I've had a lot to think about.  Some of it was things I really didn't want to think about, so I was avoiding writing.

I bought a ticket to return to Honduras to live.  When Lourdes told the kids they clapped and cheered.  It was really cool.  I didn't expect them to be so excited.  Everyone from the states keeps asking how long I will be here.  The truth is that I have no idea.  The ticket I bought has a return date of December 20th, so I will go back to the US for Christmas.  I imagine I will come back to Honduras after Christmas, but only God knows for sure.

Part of me feels really excited and so blessed.  Some of me feels anxious.  I don't like to share this sort of things on my blog, but right now I am having trouble letting go - of things, of people, of relationships, of my car, of washing machines and dryers and of medical care that I trust.  Those are the main things.  Oh, and my sofa.  I didn't think it would be this hard.  I've never thought of myself as a materialistic person.  Maybe it's because of so many changes all at once.  Sometimes my mind can't grasp it.  Sometimes my mind can grasp it and it feels overwhelming.  When I get overwhelmed I feel guilty that I am not being appreciative of this amazing opportunity.  I've been praying about it.  Need to get my brain and my heart on the same page.

I remind myself how many people wish they could do what I'm doing.  (Yes, Mom, there are others out there.)  I remind myself how long and hard I worked to be at this point.  I am exactly where I've wanted to be for three years! Usually when I think about those things I feel very blessed.  Except right now, at 3:30 in the morning, when I can't sleep because I keep having dreams about things I don't want to dream about, my face in covered in bug bites and I have rashes on my arms.

I keep getting this strange rash.  It itches so much that it wakes me up at night.  I've tried hydrocortizone.  I've even tried Preparation H.  Anything to stop the itching.  It seems to always happen on the underside of my forearm or the right side of where my neck meets my shoulder.  I'm going to ask the doctor about it when he comes tomorrow.  Everyone here has different opinions ranging from mosquito bites to allergies.

Everything is set now for Lourdes and Jairo to visit SLC.  The whole family is taking a vacation together.  They are so excited, they can hardly think about anything else.  I love seeing them so excited.  It will be great for them to get away from their busy lives and spend time together as a family.  It will also be good for them to be on someone else's turf, where they are not the "go to" people for every problem that comes up.  They really need this vacation.

Misael was sick again today.  Most of the kids have a horrible cough - another reason I wish I were sleeping right now.  Need to keep my body strong against all of those germy kids.  Misael was coughing so hard he was vomiting for about a half an hour.  Once his cough calmed down a little, his mom took him home.  Tomorrow the Dr will be coming, so she might bring him in for that.  Or she might take him to the hospital.  Poor little guy.  We all thought he was getting better.

Lots of good things have been going on.  I've been busy with things other than dreams and rashes.  I'll write about those tomorrow.  Now it's time for some prayer and (hopefully dreamless) sleep.

Good night.

office work

I spent most of the day in Jairo's office, figuring out how to get my cat down here and purchasing the ticket to return here TO LIVE!  It has been interesting to see how the kids interact with me differently, now that I am going to return to be with them on a more permanent basis.  They are surprised and grateful that I want to be here.  Seems like they are opening themselves up to me even more now.

We also arranged for Jairo and his family to visit Salt Lake.  They are really excited.  Lourdes said if I weren't here they wouldn't have been able to make that work, so I am happy I was able to help.

Making cards for Paula

Emil, proud of his work

Girls enjoying themselves

Little ones drawing pictures for Paula

Big boys hard at work





Too many kids to fit in one camera shot
(76 today!)



Nobody knows his name.  He will only tell us "Gordo"



Misael, getting help from Mom, Marlin




Misael's finished product!



Kevelin and Stephanie enjoying the time to draw and relax



We finished our pictures.  Now time for breakfast!



Sending our best to Paula!

I LOST MY EYELASHES!

Today was an awesome day.  When I think about what made it so awesome I think it probably wouldn't be awesome to anyone else.  It was one of my favorite days for all of the simple reasons that I love Honduras.  Now, as I write, I have a perfect, peaceful backdrop of the sound of rain on the palms outside my window to end my perfect day.

In reality, it was a day of highs and lows.  The lows were pretty bad.  I started out by trying to use an eyelash curler while my hands were still moist with lotion.  DO NOT EVER TRY THIS AT HOME, or anywhere for that matter.  Because of the lotion my hand slipped on the eyelash curler and ripped out half of the eyelashes from my left eye.  It looks really funny.  Half of my eyelid is bald!  Of course it was the outside half, where my eyelashes are longest.  I felt so stupid.  I am considering getting fake eyelashes when I go back to the states.  Can you wear fake eyelashes on a bald eye?

My other low of the day was when I finally broke down and washed one of my towels for the first time.  I'll do the math for you.  I have been here two months as of today.  This is the first time I attempted to wash a bath towel.  Maybe that gives you an idea of how difficult I expected it to be.  It was more difficult than I expected, even when I did it the cheaters way!  I soaked it in my sink in powder detergent.  Then I took it outside to rinse it.  The soap would not come out.  On top of that my neighbors were doing yard work 5 feet away, so I was imagining them watching me and thinking that I was an idiot who can't even wash a towel.  I finally admitted to them that I cheat on the rinsing method - it was good to get that off my chest.  You are never supposed to get soap inside the basin of the pila, because it is supposed to always be clean.  Usually the basin holds fresh water from the rain.  Mine is empty because we have running water.  I'm the only one who uses it, so I figure if I get soap suds in there (which you are never supposed to do) that is my own choice.  You are supposed to scrub the clothes along the washboard part and pour clean water over top, but I turn on the faucet and rinse the clothes into the basin.  Yes, I am a lazy gringa.  I rinsed the towel as best I could using the pila to scrub out the suds and also using my cheating method.  There is still soap in it.  Then I hung it to dry.  This story is to be continued because the real tragedy happens later in the day...

Church was great.  First I was sitting with Aaron and Lourdes.  Misael and Meylin came in a little later and crawled over people to give me a hug.  I moved over and sat with their mother, Marlin, when they left for the childrens' classes.  She had a bible that she is borrowing from Lourdes.  The cover is torn off and the pages are all curled, but I could tell in the way she held it and tried to straighten all of the pages that she loves it.  I already have a plan to buy her a new bible.  It will be a special one for her because she only has a second grade education.  Lourdes suggested a bible for adults that is easier to read.  I'll get it in time to give it to her before I leave for the states in June.

After church I thanked Meylin for her prayers for my funding.  I told her that I am very close to being fully funded and I can now make plans to live here.  (She is the little girl who prays really strongly for me every night.)  She broke into tears!  I didn't expect that, so I looked at her mother for help.  Her mother bent down and told Meylin that I was saying thank you, but Meylin knew what I had said.  She was crying out of happiness and gratitude :)  I hugged her and held her for a long time while she sobbed in my arms.  I whispered in her ear that we have a powerful God who listens to her prayers.  Then we took this picture.  In the picture she is still not quite back to her normal smiley face yet, but at least you can finally see these people I talk about so often.

Misael, Me, Meylin, Marlin
I LOVE these people!

As people were hanging out and talking after church I heard Eric Seaman, my landlord's husband, playing "Blackbird" on his guitar.  His daughter was standing next to him singing along.  I was drawn to them and next thing I knew I was standing on the stage with them.  Eric said "Blackbird" is a really fun song to play on the guitar.  He played it again and we sang along.  He played a few more beatles songs.  He sang harmony.  It was fun.  Then we talked about music.  He told me how he learned to play music.  We discovered we both have a passion for the violin.  He wants me to join the church's band, but I haven't played any instruments in so long the only thing I might be able to do is sing.  He and his family are moving to Guatemala in a few weeks.  When they go it will be a big loss to the church in many ways.

Jairo invited me to go for lunch with the Seamans.  There were 15 of us!  We went to a Chinese restaurant.  A man with a big gun strapped around his shoulder stands outside the door.  He opens your car door and greets you, then opens the restaurant door, and returns to his post outside.  I suppose this place does enough business that they have a lot of money at the end of the day.  It is very small, but it was busy and had great food.  Chinese food is very popular here.  If you aren't eating Honduran food, you eat Chinese.

While we were eating dinner the series I saw in the US a few months ago came on the tv in the restaurant.  Jairo pointed it out.  I told him I had seen it before and that the title of the CNN presentation was "Honduras:  The Deadliest Region on Earth".  Eric and Jairo were both surprised to hear that.  They could see, but not hear the show, so I told them it is on line.  They both asked me to send them a link.  It was strange to be sitting there, with them, watching that show.  Eric asked how my family feels about me living here.  I told him it is really, really hard for my mother.  He said he couldn't imagine how she must feel.

It was a beautiful, sunny day.  I joked with Jairo that it was sunny because I didn't have any clothes on the line.  He said it was probably raining in my Colonia and pointed out clouds over the part of the city where I live.  We laughed.  It seems to only rain in my Colonia a LOT.

When I got home I did some laundry and immediately the clouds rolled in.  Oh well.  I am over worrying about rain on my clothes.  They will dry some day.  That was when I washed my towel as well.  (The towel may never dry.  I need a thinner towel.)  My neighbors were doing yard work as I washed the clothes.  And the towel.  Afterward, I went out for a run before the rain came.

When I returned they were still doing yard work.  I wanted to help, but I was intimidated.  I don't know how to do yard work Honduran style, with machetes, and I didn't want to look stupid.  But I also didn't want to look lazy.  Fani cut back all of the trees and plants.  She even dug a dead tree out of the ground and asked which plant I thought should go there.  Her husband Santos was cutting grass.  Then I turned around and he had climbed up the mango tree.  He tossed down ripe mangoes to me.  Standing below that tree, catching ripe mangoes was so cool!  They said last year there was a MONTON (a lot) of mangoes, but this year due to the unusually heavy rains, the mangoes fell off the tree before they were mature.  Our avocados are starting to ripen and lemons too.  I ate a mango tonight Honduran style - peeled it and sucked it all off the seed.  It was so good!

In continuation from the story of my towel, Santos called over as I was bagging up grass and tree branches and told me we have a problem.  I looked over to see my clean towel was covered in pieces of grass.  He felt terrible and said he would wash it, then Fani offered to wash it.  I assured them it was no problem (yeah right!), I would wash it.  We finished all of the yard work together.  Santos took a look at the leaks in my roof while he was up there getting mangoes.  He also checked out the leaks in my sinks.  I was a little embarrassed because my house wasn't as clean as I wished for their first visit.  I had taken laundry off the line this morning before church and didn't have time to put it away.  As we passed through the bedroom I tried to cover the undergarments, which seemed to be everywhere.  Oops!

Fani showed me a grill she is very proud of.  She said we can cook meat on it sometime.  We talked about our families.  It was fun to spend time with them.  Their baby daughter is starting to recognize me and be a lot more comfortable with me.  She reaches for me to hold her, which she never did before.  She is just getting her first tooth.  Fani and Santos both clearly LOVE being parents.  They are close to my age.

I will not be writing any more about the political problems.  I learned today that things are worse than we knew and it is not safe to speak about it at all.  I hope it all comes to a head after I get back to the US, but Jairo is having meetings with people specifically about how to keep me safe.  I know I can also turn to Santos and Fani anytime.  Jairo's brother only lives two blocks away.  Jairo is going to get me internet connection that won't need electricity before he leaves.  I'll be fine.


Time to make dinner and end this perfect day.  Back to the kids at the breakfast program tomorrow!  It feels so different to know now that I will not be leaving them forever.  My whole mindframe has changed over the past couple of days.  Even though I am not completely funded, I am stepping forward in faith.  Tomorrow I will buy a ticket to come back to Honduras after I get rid of the stuff in the storage unit and spend time with my family.  I believe that God wants me here and will provide everything I need.  Besides, I have Meylin's powerful prayers backing me up!  Life is good in Honduras.

I bought a plunger

Gosh, how did this day go by so fast? I did some cleaning.  Chatted with my mom on the computer and waited for the water man to come by.  I missed him on his first round, but caught him on his second. Checked with Fani to learn that we are not getting a washing machine in the near future so washed about 1/3 of my dirty clothes, and went grocery shopping. I called my favorite taxista, Jose. He said he would take me anytime, so we decided I would meet him in an hour. I asked him to wait for me at the store because I am not supposed to ride with strangers, so he did. I tried to hurry, but I still took a whole half hour.  I got lots of fruit and veggies as well as some cleaning supplies. Cereal here is as expensive as it is back in the states. I finally found a box for less than $5. Bought candles in case we end up without lights. Then went to pay for everything and I couldn't understand a word the woman was saying to me. I haven't ever had this problem to this extreme. I felt so stupid. The lady who was bagging my groceries was laughing an embarrassed laugh and the woman behind me had a look of pity.

I figured out on the way home parts of what she had said.  She was asking if she should start ringing me up.  (Well yes, please.  I am not just standing here with my money in my hand for nothing.)  I still don't have a clue what she said at the end.   Fani said she was probably asking me to donate to an education fund, but I think I would have understood the word education.  Who knows.  Just when I was feeling more confident about my Spanish...

My taxista took me home and helped unload the groceries.  He saw I had celery, which I've been craving for a while and told me to make sure to use the leaves to cook with because that is the best part.  Then after 45 minutes of his time, he charged me the equivalent of five dollars.  He is so nice.  I told my neighbor Fani she should use him too.  But she uses my other favorite guy, Alfonzo.  He has a renegade cab, with no number on it, but everyone knows him.  He says because he doesn't have to pay all of the cab fees he can charge less, but really my good buddy Jose charges even less than Alfonzo.  Alfonzo is just a good sales man.  He should work at a car dealership or something.

Had to get some minutes for my phone and today is triple so I walked down to the pulperia.  There were fresh tortillas there, still in the bowl from the lady who made them so I bought some real tortillas instead of the plastic wrapped store ones like we get in the states.  I saw a new kind of conservas, my favorite candy, so I got two of those, then asked to use the rest of my money for minutes on my phone.  He looked at me blankly, like he did once before when they were out of minutes, so I asked if they were out of minutes.  He said yes.  I said no more at all, because they come in all kinds of increments.  He said none.  So I walked down the street to the other pulperia.

I prefer not to use the second one because usually there are a bunch of men hanging out on the corner.  They have never hassled me, but I still would rather avoid them.  Today there was nobody.  The other reason I don't like getting minutes from this pulperia is that you don't really buy the minutes at the pulperia, you buy the minutes throught the gated door of the man who lives in the same building.  So you have to stand and look into their living room while you ask for the minutes.  To me, it's a little odd.  Anyway, I got my minutes and gobbled down one of the conservas.  It was similar to maple sugar candy, but not mapley.  I decided I would like more, and if I waited until tomorrow they wouldn't be as fresh as if I bought them now and kept them wrapped  up tight, right?  So I went back to the first pulperia, picked out an avocado because I couldn't let him know I came back just for more candy, and got two more conservas.  At that moment I promised myself I would run today.  And tomorrow.

Last night the neighbors on both sides had parties. One side played awesome music and sang. I bet they were probably dancing too. The other side was quiet earlier, but got loud around 11pm and woke me up at 4 am screaming ugly things. I closed my windows and went back to sleep.  At least this is not a regular occurance.

It was supposed to rain, but so far it's sunny. I'm going out for a quick run before it gets dark, then a big dinner and maybe some movies tonight. Walter didn't lead the jovenes this week, so I didn't get to help with them. But this week as I write I feel much more hopeful and at peace with the idea that I will be living here for a long time and will have plenty of time to work with those kids.  Yesterday I started thinking of things as more long term.  Bought some more cups for the house, instead of living with the bare minimum.  I even bought myself a plunger today. Now THAT is a sign of commitment - when you invest in a plunger for your house.

No lice. So far...

Walter came by to get me this morning so the Lourdes and Jairo could get a later start.  They have a big meeting tonight about marriage and will be at the church until about 10 pm.  Usually I attend these meetings, but I chose not to tonight.  Still, I had a pretty long day.

At the church Marlin had everything ready when I got there.  I went outside and played with the kids.  Her son, Misael, hopped on my lap and soon a few other kids gathered around.  One was Meylin, Marlin's daughter.  She was sitting by my feet and leaning into my lap.  She reached up and rubbed my belly, then said, "Que flaca!" (How skinny!) in a disgusted and surprised way.  I didn't know what to say because people here think much differently about size and weight than in the US.  Here people with a belly often are called "Gordo" which means fat.  It is never meant to be rude or hurtful.  I know 2 people who are well respected and have the nickname "Gordo".  It is simply different here.  We all started comparing tummies.  Misael stuck his hands under his shirt and pushed his shirt out so it appeared that he had a big belly.  We all laughed and said he is Gordo.  Then I told Meylin she is not Gorda or Flaca, she is perfect.  I try to tell her she is beautiful as often as possible because her hair does not grow in right.  It is very coarse and sparse.  As for now, she seems to be very comfortable with herself.

The kids continued to climb on me as their mother came over and sat with us.  She checked through Meylin's hair and pulled something out, then checked Misael and found something in his hair too.  She turned to me and said that last night she found (a word I didn't understand) in Meylin's hair.  I assume they both have lice.  Most of the kids in Los Pinos have lice.  Most of their houses have dirt floors so it is impossible to get rid of the lice.  I used to purposely wear my hair up for that reason, but that habit disappeared somehow.  However, for the rest of  today I kept my hair up and braided.  Misael spent most of Tuesday with his head on my shoulder, sound asleep.  I wonder how you get lice out of sheets if you don't have a washer or dryer.  I may find out.

Lourdes arrived for the second group of kids.  Lourdes has been feeling great this week!  I asked about Leonor, who was in a car accident last night.  Leonor is fine, but she spent much of the night in jail!  By the time Jairo got to her, there were already 10 church members at the site of the accident.  Leonor had been turning left onto her street when a motorcycle passed on the left.  That is how the accident happened.  Even though he was driving carelessly, the law is on his side and she will have to pay all of the costs of the accident.  She is fine.  She only has a dent in her car.  Lourdes, Jairo and the kids waited for her to get out of jail until 1 a.m.  Her husband is out of the country, so he is beside himself with worry, but the family is surrounded by many, many church members.  Today everyone is happy that nobody died.  The motorcyclist hurt his arm.  He is a neighbor, and was calm about the whole thing, so everything is okay in the end.

I told Jairo about the emails I sent yesterday for fundraising.  I was excited to tell him I only need $400!  He gave me a hug and said calmly, "You will have more than that."  So far he has never been wrong!

We fed the second  group of kids, cleaned up the church and then I spent two hours talking with Jairo.  Conversations with Lourdes and Jairo (and also Marlin) are special blessings.  He started by telling me that he got some important information he wanted to share with me.  I can't write about the details here, because this is open to the public, but he has information about political things that are happening.  He said you can smell and feel the danger in the air.  (I cannot smell or feel the danger.)

I told him I will prepare by stocking my home with extra water and food that doesn't need electricity to cook.  He reminded me to have candles (which I have, but need more) and matches.  He said I will be fine at my house and if not, he will move me to his home.  He emphasized that he knows how to move about in this city.  I assured him that I will not be moving anywhere without him.  I asked him if I should stop jogging.  He suggested a different route, avoiding the park, but said I can still run.  He asked me to tell my church in the states that nobody is allowed to visit now.  He said he can keep me safe, but he does not want anyone else here.

Then we talked about dreams, the holy spirit, speaking in tongues, relationships and surrendering our lives to God.  During our conversation Jairo received a call that he will be meeting with the President next week.  He is choosing to bring Walter and Ethel, the leader of the church elders, with him.  Two hours passed quickly and we both were shocked that it was already 3 pm and we were just finishing lunch.

When I found Lourdes she was trying to catch up on the over 400 emails she has unopened in her Inbox.  We read over some of them, then she asked me to write a story describing Bismar to raise money for his education at the private Christian school.  I can do it this weekend.

Before we knew it, another hour had passed and she needed to make food for the meeting tonight.  Jairo asked Lourdes to make her special rice tonight.  I've watched them make it so I was able to do everything except the portioning.  I felt proud.  Once the rice was cooking we sat down and ate baguettes and mantequilla.  Yumm!  I headed home after a full week with a full belly.  No, I am not too flaca!  I am happy and healthy :)

Tonight I will relax, read some more of my book and enjoy the sound of light rain falling outside.  It sounds so sweet when it's falling gently on the palms of the platano tree.  Happy Friday folks!

Three weeks from tonight...

I got ready early today, then waited and waited to go to the church.  Now that I know my patience is appreciated it actually feels good to wait patiently.  I really needed that time to pray and think, so it was perfect.  Lately it appears that doors are closing in the US at the same time more doors are opening in Honduras, so I am praying and praying for funding!

Today was eggs, beans, tortillas and cheese day at the breakfast program, which is my favorite.  But I didn't get to enjoy it as much as usual because we almost ran out of food!  We served 32 in the first group, then 22 in the second group, but 10 of them came really late so we had already portioned out the food in big portions to the others.  We had 3 plates left, and we ended up spreading that into 10 somehow.  I don't think anyone knew the difference.  Phew!

Afterward Joss, Walter and I ran errands.  I needed to get some cash and Joss needed school supplies.  She is so awesome.  She had exams all week.  She talks about having to study all night with a huge smile on her face!  It is really cool to see how much she enjoys college.

Jairo was busy preparing for a marriage group tomorrow night, so Lourdes and I sat and talked for a long time.  We both had other things we should have been working on, but it was nice to spend that time talking.  All day I've been thinking about the fact that three weeks from today I will be on a plane, headed back to the states.  I still have not raised enough money to live here permanently, but I think I'm close.

Guillermo Jimenez joined us for a while.  He is a really fun and funny man.  The first time I met him I was having dinner at his house.  He cracked a joke and I cracked one back without thinking about what was coming out of my mouth.  As soon as I said it I was scared that I had been disrespectful.  However, he laughed and now he jokes with me all of the time.  I love it when really important people are so approachable and funny.  He gave me a big hug and asked if everyone was treating me well.  He said he knows most people won't come out and ask that, but he wants to know the truth.  I told him everyone treats me very well!  Then he asked if I am happy.  When I said yes, he asked if I am REALLY happy.  I told him truthfully, that yes I am really happy here.

When Jairo finally came down from his office, he said he had been handling an emergency.  Leonor, my landlord, was driving when a motorcycle pulled in front of her and she hit it!  The driver was thrown from his motorcycle.  Leonor's husband is out of town so she called Jairo.  He called several people who live nearby and they all went to help Leonor.  An ambulance was on the way for the motorcycle driver.  Leonor was fine.  I'm not sure about the car.  I was hoping to buy that car if I am able to live here full time.

Today I feel very grateful to be here.  I am wondering what God has in store for me in three weeks.  Will I be on the plane with only enough clothes for a visit?  Or will I be moving back to the US?  Right now I have a hard time considering the idea of moving back to the states.  I feel so strongly called to be here, I can't imagine being anywhere else.  It will break my heart if I have to move back to the US.

Please, please help if you can.  I need about $400 in monthly donations.  Anything you can give will help!

This is the link where you can make tax deductible donations:

https://worldoutreach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=117
Just click on my name.  (Fager, Mary Lynn)

Seriously Disturbed and Gloriously Ruined

Misael is still sick.  Marlin, his mom, is worried because she saw in the news that there is an outbreak of Hepatitis in Los Pinos, the community we serve and where she lives.  Meylin, her daughter, got her report card today and all of her grades were superb, nothing below a 90.  Meylin works hard for her grades so we make sure to give her a lot of praise.  She is the child who hopes to be a pastor when she grows up, and I believe she will.  She is only in first grade right now, but she is certainly capable.  (She just came into the office as I was writing this and looked over my shoulder.  They know I post photos of them, so I told her that I was writing about her good grades.  She got a big smile.)

Meylin!  (doing homework at the church)

Yesterday I was talking a lot with Marlin and Lourdes about relationships and life.  It is cool that we have developed such a nice friendship.  Marlin was the first person at the breakfast program who introduced herself to me and pointed out her children.  Now she is a very special friend.  She told me that Meylin prays for my funding every night, without fail.  Marlin has had a difficult life, almost dying from Lupus, so she is very humble and grateful for everything.  Maybe she has always been that way, I don't know.  I know that today I was very grateful for her friendship, hugs and words of advice.

Once again I had clothes on the line and the rainclouds were rolling in as we headed home.  When we pulled past the guards in my Colonia it started with the big drops.  Then a truck was blocking the road and the rain started coming harder.  Jairo was beeping for someone to come move the truck, but finally we sqeeeeeezed past it with millimeters to spare.  I jumped out of the van when we got to my house and ran for the clothesline.  Got everything off the line and JUST as I walked in the door it started to pour with lots of lightening.  I was disappointed because all day I had wanted to go for a long, hard, run.  I didn't mind running in the rain, but this was the pelting kind of rain with lots of lightening and I'm just not that crazy.

Finally the lightening let up and then the rain broke for a half hour, exactly enough time for me to do a full lap around my neighborhood and then attack the steps in front of the Catholic Church until I couldn't lift me legs anymore.  Then the rain started up again, and I headed home.

Spent the evening catching up on American Idol, then read some more of a book called "Dangerous Surrender" which was recommended to me.  It's about completely surrendering your life to God.  The author suggests that after witnessing the world's most horrific problems, you are ruined to return to "life as usual" in the states.  She calls this "seriously disturbed and gloriously ruined."  She is right.  I remember the last time I got home from Honduras I was disgusted by all of the excess of North America.  I mean no disrespect to North Americans.  I fell back into that lifestyle pretty easily after I got over being disgusted by it, so I have no room to talk.  But the calling to do something about what I had seen never diminished.  I know I am, as the book says, "seriously disturbed and gloriously ruined."  I hope I stay this way forever.

Beautiful Baby Boys

I could NOT sleep last night.  I was still wide awake at 2:22 am.  Maybe it was because I was excited that I finally got to use Skype and saw my kitty and Hoke on Skype last night.  It wasn't completely successful, I couldn't hear them and they couldn't see me, but it was still nice.  Or maybe it was Don Juan's killer coffee.  In any case, sleep did not come easily and morning came too soon.

Jairo is away fishing so Lourdes and Walter picked me up.  We had veggie rice with hot dogs for the kids today.  It was an odd day because only 17 came for the morning group, but the afternoon group was bigger than usual.  I think there were 32 kids.

I was so excited when Lourdes' phone rang on the way to the church and it was Marlin asking what she should start preparing.  Her son, Misael, was very sick with a fever and vomiting since Thursday.  Now is feeling better, so she was back at church.  I was so happy to give him a big hug today!  He is always the first one waiting outside the car door to hug Lourdes and me when we pull in the driveway.  I grabbed him and picked him up and hung on tight to my little buddy.

As the rice was cooking I talked to Lourdes about the possibility of changing my budget to fit the funding I currently have.  She immediately began to talk about my home.  In her mind my rent ($235/month) is a lot of money.  Compared to other homes in Honduras, it is expensive.  Karla and Jose found me a place near them in the mountains for $157/month.  But what I am paying for here is not only the house, it is my safety.  I completely agree with Lourdes and Jairo that, although there are less expensive places to live, it is worth the extra $100/month to live within a gated community in a home that offers a lot of security.  I'd rather live in the mountains, but this country is far too unstable for me to live in a different place.

Lourdes talked to me about things she would like me to do if I am able to be here long term.  The kids here can earn scholarships if they get good grades, so Lourdes would like me to help the preschoolers prepare for school.  The more prepared they are, the better their grades will be and the less their parents will have to pay for school.  Lourdes said she is very happy with the way I am serving so far.  She also said she can see that I am happy and that I will be able to live here.  She said other missionaries have had to leave because they get very homesick.  I haven't felt homesick at all,  just excited to be here and now sad that my time here might be running out.

Lourdes also gave me the compliment that she sees me trying to learn and adapt to Honduran customs.  I do work hard at that.  The cultural differences are sometimes obvious, but other times more obscure.  I try hard to observe and respect the Honduran culture.  She said I don't get hung up on time.  I've made an effort at that.  I stopped wearing a watch and when things are running late I see it as an opportunity for quiet time to pray.  It actually is a great way to get a lot of extra prayer time in!  So I am getting a passing grade for adaptability.

I did make one social blunder today though.  I was unaware that before you add soap to a dirty pot of leftover pieces of rice, you must take it outside and scrape the remains for the pigeons.  I started to wash a huge pot of rice and Marlin gasped, then ran across the kitchen and took the pot from me.  I looked at Eunice with surprise and said, "Apparently I just did something wrong,"  Marlin took the pot outside and scraped it out onto the gravel where the pigeons swarmed around.  Won't make that mistake again!

After the breakfast program the pediatrician came and Lourdes took some ladies into a meeting for discipleship.  I had heard that a local teen whom I know from previous visits had a baby about a month ago, but hadn't seen her or the baby yet.  This afternoon her mother brought the 48 day old baby in for a check up.   He is healthy and perfect.  It was great to see Gladis.  She is not thrilled that her daughter had a baby at such a young age, but she is completely in love with her beautiful Grandson.

Gladis and Roonier

Beautiful Baby

I got to hold him for a while.  Haven't held a cuddly baby since my nephews.  It was so sweet!  Gladis asked me to take pictures, so I did.  She didn't realize I am friends with her daughter on FB, so for once I was actually able to share the pictures.  They will have photos of him as a baby now!  I explained to Gladis that her daughter will have all of the pictures on her FB page.  She asked a few questions and once she understood she was excited.

Other kids were hanging out, coloring or doing homework.  Misael came back strong today, but by 3pm he was exhausted.  Marlin, his mom, was in the discipleship meeting with Lourdes.  He started crying and his sister tried her best to comfort him.  Finally I picked him up.  He whimpered a little, then immediately fell asleep on my shoulder.  He's almost 3 years old and not small, so I plopped down in a chair, put my feet up, and got some more snuggles with a sleepy boy.  I loved every minute of it.  His mom came out of the meeting about half an hour later.  When I handed him over to Marlin he never woke up.  I hope she doesn't live too far because I bet she had to carry him all of the way home.

We came home about 4:30.  I washed some thinner clothes and hung them on the line, knowing it hadn't rained yet today so it was only a matter of time...  Sure enough it has rained, but NOTHING like yesterday.  I think I made a good choice.  Probably would have washed the jeans and heavier things if I had known we weren't going to get our daily downpour.

Jose was going to take me to watch the church team play fútbol, but he had too many things to do tonight and I was really thinking it was going to rain, so I cleaned up the house and settled in for the night.

I learned something really cool today.  Two of my friends (Anthony from Salt Lake and Diana Brown from high school) had dreams that they came to Honduras to visit me here.  They are both nurses and they dreamed they were serving here while they visited.  Diana said her dream was very vivid and caused her to start researching Doctors and Nurses Without Borders.  I told her she is welcome to come visit on her own.  I am choosing to take these dreams as an awesome sign that I will be here long term, since neither of my friends has any plans to come in the next 3 weeks.  I love that Honduras is so deep in their minds and hearts that they are dreaming about being here!  Usually the dreams only come for those of us who have actually visited.  When I'm in the states I dream about Honduras frequently.  No matter where I am, this place is always a part of me.  My prayers for funding are becoming more desperate.  I am struggling at times to remember that God holds my future in His hands and He has good plans for me.  I keep reminding myself that if God wants me to be here, nothing can stand in the way of that.  If God doesn't want me to be here, then I will go back to the states.  But I feel called to Honduras more strongly than ever.  That is saying a lot, because this calling has been strong for the past 3 years.  Whew!  It will be interesting to see how the next few weeks unfold.

Pouring Torrents

Lourdes called early to say we are riding with Walter today because Jairo went fishing for a few days.  I love it when Jairo gets to go fishing.  He goes with his buddy to a very remote place.  They leave very early in the morning and fish until night, sitting all day in the hot, hot sun.  I think I would love to go, but I am kind of a wimp when it comes to hot sun with no break, so maybe not.

Today was "espaghettis" day at the breakfast program.  We only had 21 kids in the morning group.  Not sure why.  Last week we were in the 50s some days.

Lourdes was feeling better today.  We all were a little sleepy, but we decided that was due to the weather.  It started raining as we left the church today.  When I got home the lightening was so close some times I felt like I should duck and cover!  Car alarms were going off from the vibration of the thunder.  I kept mopping and mopping and am still mopping now, 5 hours later.  There is a big hole in my bedroom roof, but it doesn't drip onto anything except the floor, so that is good.  Same with the hole in the kitchen roof.

I got bitten by something in my sleep last night, so was eager to wash my sheets.  So eager that I washed them in the sink and they are hanging in the kitchen contributing to the wet floor there.  I hope they dry eventually.

I used to love the sound of rain and found it comforting, but today it has been raining so hard and so long I am getting tired of it.  Need to get used to it.  Such is life in the rainy season.  The next glimpse I get of the sun I am going to run outside and bask in it.  My body is craving some sunshine.

Will I ever have a dry pair of pants?

The van wasn't packed on the way to church as it normally is.  For one, Lourdes was at home with a migraine.

We got to church early, so I sat down to wait and was soon surrounded with girls from the breakfast program.  Usually I sit with Lourdes, so it was nice to know that they would want to sit with me.  I used to feel bad when I didn't know the songs because I think it is important to set a good example for them and fully participate in the service.  Today we did some of my favorite songs.  It was fun to sing and clap with the girls.

Then we had a mini concert.  Kids who have been taking piano lessons got up and played.  Some of them have only been playing for a few months, others have clearly been playing for years.  They each got up and bowed for the audience then performed, then bowed again after they were finished.  I loved the bowing!  It was cool to see kids between 4-10 years old get up on the stage and have the confidence to perform.  Then it was nice to see them feel proud of themselves after they finished.  The girls who sat with me loved it and said they wish they could have piano lessons.  So far only one girl from Los Pinos is getting lessons.  Hopefully that will change.

When the kids got called to go to their Sunday school classes, Marlin, the lady who works in the kitchen with me a lot for the breakfast program, motioned for me to come sit with her.  I appreciated that since I was left alone.  We sat together and shared my bilingual bible.  She thought that was really cool.  She is one of my favorite people here.  I just learned that she was close to death a year ago from Lupus.  Now you can't even tell she has the disease!  Her son, Misael, was sick Friday.  I asked about him and she said he is still very sick.  She will take him back to the doctor tomorrow because he still has a fever and vomits if he eats anything.  I am trying to think of a special way that I could bless her or her family if I have to leave in a few weeks.  So far I don't have any ideas, but I know God will help me with that because she deserves something special.

Jairo's message today was from Isaiah 58:11, that God will comfort you always.  It was a good message for this week when so many were in pain after the death of Alfredo Villatoro.  He searched through the church members and at various points in the service he reminded specific people that God will comfort them and meet their needs.
Jairo also used Deuteronomy 7:9-10, which was fitting for this week too.  It talks about God's faithfulness and love for those who love Him, but also says that God will not be slow to repay those who hate Him.  For me, anyone who takes a man from his family, tortures, then kills him, must hate God.  Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I find comfort knowing that God has a place specifically for those people.  (3 people have been arrested and more are being investigated for their role in kidnapping and killing Alfredo Villatoro.)

Juan, a member of our church who was the counterpart to Alfredo Villatoro in their morning radio show, was present this week.  The pain his family feels is very evident.  By the end of the service his son sat with his head in his hands.  He appeared unable to stand with the rest of the church.  Jairo said the boy is afraid his father will be kidnapped and killed too.  It is reasonable for him to feel that way.

After church I talked with Jose and Karla.  Karla will be on break from school after tomorow.  We are planning to spend time together - yay!!!!

It was hot outside but a storm was rolling in over the mountains.  When church first got out the storm was far away.  I told Jairo I was glad the storm was over his house, not mine, because all of my jeans are hanging on the line.  Finally, after about 45 minutes he said it was time to go.  We all got into the car and waited while he talked to a group of men.  Aaron said it was going to rain.  I told Aaron that is not funny because every single pair of my pants are hanging outside and I will have nothing to wear tomorrow if they get wet.  He said, don't worry, you'll get home in time.  Then the clouds started coming in faster.  We were all in the van joking that it would be Jairo's fault if I had no clothes tomorrow.  Aaron called for Jairo a few times, but the men were still talking.  Finally Jairo came and we left.  As we pulled out of the driveway Aaron said I was going to get home just in time.  I agreed.  By the time we got to the corner everyone started shrieking that it was raining!  It rained a little, but not much.  When we got to the exit for my house everyone was laughing.  Jairo said it rained only at my house.  He was right!  The streets were soaked and the rain was coming down hard, but only over my Colonia!  On the other side of the road there was no rain and the roads were dry.  It was so bizarre it was hilarious!  Rain is an every day thing here now.  It's the rainy season!  But today we had fun acting like it was a crazy big deal.  They said I would have to run fast into my house so I wouldn't get wet (as if I haven't been drenched many times just in the past week!).  So I hurried and unlocked the gate while they cheered me on, then rushed over to the clothes line.  The mango tree had protected some things from being completely soaked, but I grabbed it all and brought it in.

I had planned to fast today and pray about my funding, but before I realized what I was doing I ate some Twizzlers.  Ooops!  No fast today.  Made myself a little lunch and laid down for a nap.  I had to close the windows because the rain was so loud outside.  When I woke up it was still raining, but not as hard, so I put on my gringa raincoat and ran to the pulperia.  (Nobody here wears a raincoat.)

Back to the Breakfast Program tomorrow!  I am trying to be present in every moment and appreciate each day because I'm not sure if I will be able to live here after June 14th.  The weeks go by so quickly!  If I do have to leave I want to have no regrets about the way I spent my time here.  I hate that I already have sadness in my heart because I am worried I may have to leave.  I still have more than 3 weeks left here.  It seems like a waste of time to feel sad about something that might not even happen.  I can't fully appreciate each moment if I am sad.  However, sometimes when I think about having to leave, I can't help but be sad.  Would God send me here to form all of these relationships and see all of the ways I can serve, then take me away?  I hope not!

*Please click on "Older Posts" to see the other new entries I posted tonight*