Car Shopping

My wish came true despite all of my friends saying I was crazy. The doctor said I need to be moving the ankle more. He said it will hurt and it will swell, but I have to work through that.

He asked if I have a bike. I don't. Then he gave me a choice - go to PT three times/week, or go to the gym three times/week. I love going to the gym and the cost analysis made it an easy choice. It's much cheaper to spend $25/month on a gym membership than $45/week on PT.

Tomorrow I go back to work full time. In the morning we will teach a parenting class in the neighborhood where I spent most of last year. Parents will learn how they can help their kids do well in school. We'll talk about things that most people in the US know, like requiring the child go to school whether or not they want to, and checking to be sure the child does their homework. Many parents here don't feel empowered to require their children to do anything.

A team is coming from Chicago to pray for my coworkers and me in the afternoon. My boss wants me to be there "to speak English with them". I guess that is different from translating.

I ran over to the gym to do my PT. He wants me to go three times/week and tomorrow I won't have time. When I got back I did the hot/cold foot soaking my doctor prescribed. Suddenly I realized I was soaking my foot when I should have been in online Spanish class! Bummer.

On the way home from the doctor I did stop by the car lot. The guy did find me a nice car. It was a 2011 Honda CRV. But it had 40,000 miles more than my car! I thanked him for thinking of me and explained that although it is the year I am looking for, there is no sense in buying a car with more miles than mine. He agreed.

Then he showed me a 2008 Hyundai Veracruz 4x4 for $12,300. That one was super cool. I'd never seen a Veracruz before. It's made for Latin America. It's more expensive because it's diesel which is in high demand here. It will run longer and gets great gas mileage. It seats seven. Two extra full sized seats pop out of the cargo space in back. I would use those for David and Samuel. Currently at least one of them has to ride in the far back and that makes me nervous.

On the outside the Veracruz is the same size as a CRV, even with the two extra folding seats. It still has equal storage space when the seats are folded down. The best part about that car is that it was not imported from the US. Cars brought in from the US can be pieced together from junk. It's a huge risk to buy a car imported from the US. If that car had less kilometers on it, I would have fallen completely in love. It had 171,000 kilometers (106,000 miles).

Please keep me in prayer as I go back to work tomorrow. I am reminding myself not to be discouraged if there is pain and swelling. The doctor says the more I walk, the stronger it will become. If it's still not better in three weeks I'm to go back. I also made an appointment to get a full physical. I feel fine, but I haven't had a check up since I moved here. In March that will be five years, so I'm overdue.

Car?

Well, I'm off to the doctor. I'm nervous. I want him to tell me that I'm being a wimp and I should be out walking around and climbing mountains again. But I wake up with pain and go to sleep with pain and it hurts to walk now, so I figured I better go back. It's been 8 weeks since my original injury.

Yesterday a friend of my mechanic's called. He sells cars and has been looking for a good car for me since last Easter. He said he's got a 2011 he wants me to see. I'll stop on the way home from the doctor. You may find it hard to believe that he's been looking for almost a year and this is the first car he's found worth looking at, but that's how it was when we searched for the car I now own. In fact we looked for more than a year. Patience is the key when buying a used car in Honduras.

Molly is dropping off the rest of Ana's school supplies today. Now all they need is uniforms. Depending what the doctor says, I may be able to buy them this week. Molly has an extra pair of uniform pants for David, so David will now have two pairs of pants. Hurray!

Isa refuses to turn four

Today I feel better, but yesterday and the day before the Chikungunya kicked in strong. Yesterday I couldn't lift a cup with my right hand. I also had trouble getting up when I was seated on the "throne". Sorry if that was TMI. It's like what Ana went through, only not as crippling. Ana says she is better now! Other coworkers are suffering from Chikungunya relapses too. One walked into the community center rubbing her shoulder on Wednesday. I knew what was wrong before she told me. She can't lift up her right arm either.

My ankle has been killing me. It hurts as much as it did when I first got the cast. I have no idea why. I haven't done anything crazy. It started five days after I began PT, so I don't think it was that. I called Friday and made a doctor's appointment. He's out until Tuesday but I'll see him Tuesday morning. Meanwhile I'm resting.

Ana is pretty sure one of the girls we love is pregnant. She's 19 and graduated from high school. But she doesn't have a job or a stable home life and the boy she is dating is young - still in high school. Ana noticed the girl started looking and acting different in November. She's got bags under her eyes and is skinny, except for a belly which she never had before. She's wearing baggy shirts and lycra pants. Ana asked the girl if she is pregnant. The girl answered, "If you had an older daughter and she was pregnant would you hit her?" Ana responded that her soul would be sad, but if that happened she would not hit her. My heart aches. I pray this girl, who has always showed so much promise, is not pregnant.

Yesterday Impacto Juvenil did a class for the Strong Mothers program. Ana was there. Erika and her younger sister Kenya also attended. They talked about pregnancy prevention, disease prevention and safe sex. I love hearing that Erika feels comfortable getting more involved, and is allowed to be involved even though she doesn't have a child in the program. Ana said that she already knew the things they were taught, but many of the mothers did not.

All of the prayers for provision for Ana's kids paid off!!! Tuesday David got a backpack, uniform pants, shoes, and notebooks from Impacto Juvenil. Ana is so grateful. She said none of the other kids got both shoes and uniform pants, but David got both. Ana said the shoes fit as though they were made for him. Plus he was the first of everyone to be called up to get his things. That meant a lot to them, I could tell.

Now they only lack a few tiny things for Samuel - copy paper, thick craft paper, "foamy" paper and cold medicine. I asked Molly if she will be shopping for school supplies this week and can drop them off for me, since I am not driving (or walking).

Also, each of the kids only have one uniform. ONE in this hot, sweaty weather. Jired's uniform pants are two years old and have already ripped. Ana sewed them together and told him not to bend over or they might rip again. I will get them uniforms once I am up and around.

Isabela is so funny! Ana was talking about Isa being four years old now. Isa's birthday was three weeks ago, but she told Ana that she is not four yet because she has not "cut the cake" (Honduran saying) yet. I have to hurry up and get better so I can bake a cake and Isa can turn four! I made a cake for every birthday so far, so I she refuses to turn four without one. Hahaha!

Isa's first birthday

Isa's second birthday (with Ana and David)

Isa's third birthday

Birthday photos from 4th birthday party soon!

Second Attempt

I went back to work yesterday. It was my second attempt after trying two weeks ago and having the doctor put me back on bed rest.

I walked from my house to the taxi, which is less than two blocks. (Still not driving because I'm afraid to work the clutch.) Then I walked from one building to another at work, and through the office. I was back at home by 11:30 a.m. Last night my leg swelled and hurt so much I barely slept all night. It's still swollen and hurting today. But I barely did anything! I'm so frustrated.

The good news is, Ana said she is feeling much better physically. She has no pain at all in her knees now. She laughed and said she will not be needing diapers because she can sit down and stand up from using the toilet. She was not using diapers, but I won't go into detail about how she was managing her bathroom habits when she couldn't bend her knees. Poor lady!

She said emotionally she is doing really well too. The medicine is a miracle drug, she said. She wishes she had started it early because she thinks she wouldn't have gotten so sick.

I told her I had seen the boxes of stuff for the kids of Impacto Juvenil. I'm not sure what David will get, but we will make sure all of the kids have everything they need. She is hoping the church might give scholarships this year. That would help with David's uniform and school books. For this week they are all set.

She said she is really worried about costs that Jired will have throughout the year. Apparently the senior year of high school is extra expensive. I hate how schools in Honduras have so many costs each week for projects and stupid things that none of the parents can afford. Ana said it last night, and I wrote about it last November - those weekly costs are the reason many parents can't afford to keep their kids in school. I told Ana to please let me know if she can't afford things. I know she will do her best to find a way to get things on her own, and will call me as a last resort. I just don't want Jired to be held back his senior year because they can't afford all of the costs.

Erika's sister Kenya got a full scholarship and returned to school! I was so worried about her last year at this time. She didn't enroll and got kicked out of her house for hanging out on the streets. She was only 14, just like Erika when Erika got pregnant the first time.

Now, a year later, she is in the beauty school program through Impacto Juvenil. She's also attending a feeding program in Los Pinos called "El Comedor" which means "The Diner". They offered her a full scholarship through college if she stays on the right track! She said she's not going to be given this chance twice, so she's determined not to mess it up. I'm so proud of her!

Laura started "preparatorio" yesterday. It's opposite of the US. Here they have kindergarten first, then preschool, then first grade. (And public schools only go to 11th grade.) Last year at this time Fany was having a nervous breakdown. This year she is calm as can be. The school cancelled Laura's bus and Laura was without transportation, but Fany stayed completely calm.

She has, however, taken up her annoying ritual of watering the yard full force at 5 a.m. Apparently she believes that if she has to get up early, I should too. It's shocking how hard she can spray the palm leaves on the trees outside my bedroom window. Then later she laughs and asks if she woke me up, knowing full well that she did. Today I was already awake from my ankle. I'm not looking forward to it if she continues the habit this year.

Carlos only had three half days last week, but he is already struggling at school. His previous school only met once per week on Saturdays. At the end of the year got he credit for two years of work. It was great because he's 18 years old and started his education so late in life. However, he is not prepared for a real high school. He's not used to being around so many people, or studying so many subjects, or having so much work. He's feeling very overwhelmed.

The good thing he has a lot of support. My friend says he is adjusting well to his new home. He fits in well and gets along with everyone there. He is making friends in the neighborhood by working out at his "family's" gym. He was invited to go on a Sunday family outing, but chose not to go last weekend in hopes of seeing Molly. The family was disappointed. But they can't make him join them. I'm glad they are doing everything possible to make him feel included.

Molly is doing everything she can too. Personally, I think that Carlos needs to grow some wings and she's not giving him a chance to do so, but I know she is doing what she believes is best. I'd like to see her doing more things with him instead of for him. Or even let him do some things on his own. I have to keep reminding myself that Molly is only 23 years old. She is trying to make up for all of the abandonment and general neglect that Carlos has suffered over his life. Nobody is a perfect parent. She is doing what feels right to her.

Tomorrow and Thursday I will work half days. I hope my ankle can handle it. It's mostly seated work. Today I have Spanish class. Yesterday I was told that I'll be teaching swimming again! Twenty kids from Impacto Juvenil will get scholarships from the Olympic training center! The classes will be every Saturday for eight months starting in March or April, which will give my ankle more time to heal.

A flare up

My friend Molly and I celebrated her four years anniversary of serving in Honduras yesterday. Like me, she came here to serve a specific ministry. Like me, she had a really tough experience but learned a lot and made wonderful connections. She is in the process of adopting two kids she met there. She also met Carlos and Karen there.

Now she is doing a school ministry in Los Pinos, which basically means she is trying to keep kids in school by offering tutoring, school supplies and accountability. Many parents don't care if their kids attend school. They don't bother to enroll them or buy any supplies. Molly gets them signed up and then drops by the house and the schools to make sure they are attending. She's crazy smart, so she is able to provide tutoring too.

When she wanted to celebrate her fourth anniversary I was all for it. For me, the anniversary of the day I arrived in Honduras is more significant than my birthday. I celebrate my anniversary every year with good friends so I wanted make her anniversary special too. However, that's not so easy while I'm on bedrest.

Initially she was going to cook something and bring it over. Then she asked if I thought I could walk enough to go out to lunch if she picked me up in her car. I told her sure.

She chose a cute little restaurant with traditional Honduran cuisine. The food was excellent and the server very attentive, which is unusual in Honduras. The place itself had so many cute details! Check out the way they served us our fresh juice. (below) It's called a guacal and comes from a tree called jicaro. I'm told people from the pueblos used to drink from these, but they are not common anymore.

We stopped at the grocery store to get Ana's medicine and two notebooks for Ana's boys. Most Honduran supermarket chains have a bank and a pharmacy inside. It's pretty convenient since you can't pay bills online. However, the pharmacy which used to occupy this grocery store was suddenly gone. It was empty with boards across the service window.

We didn't have any luck with notebooks either. Honduran kids have very specific notebooks for each grade level and class subject. They come in various sizes with different numbers of pages. I never knew so many different notebooks existed! The store had everything except the type of notebooks we needed.

Luckily, the store where Molly buys all of her school supplies is really close. The lady gave us a discount because we're buying supplies for others. They had excellent prices on backpacks. I got one for Jired. It's totally his style. The zipper and material seem sturdy. That still leaves David with no backpack, but we are hoping he'll get one through Impacto Juvenil next week.

(Shout out to friends in the US who are helping with school expenses for Ana's kids - thank you! We appreciate your help! At this point, whatever they don't get from Impacto Juvenil will be up to us.)

Finally we went to the pharmacy. We both gasped at the price of the medicine the doctor prescribed for Ana. Molly asked if I was still going to buy it. I said yes. In our most recent conversation Ana told me that she can't go to the bathroom because she can't sit or stand. She also said she thought she was "going to die" coming down the steps. She needs the medicine.

At first I planned to hide the receipt so she wouldn't feel bad for how much I spent. But later I thought about how people aren't always great about taking their meds. If she knew how much it cost, she might be better about taking it. I left the receipt in the bag.

We dropped everything off. Jired was psyched about his backpack. I knew he would be. You know how it feels when you find the perfect gift for someone? That's how I felt giving it to him.

When I got home my (uninjured) right ankle was killing me. Nine months ago I got Chikungunya. The pain flares up now and then, sometimes stronger than others. It's been aching for a couple of weeks but last night it hurt a lot.

At that point something clicked. All the symptoms Ana was describing were Chikungunya symptoms - not being able to sit on the toilet, not being able to lift up her arms, feeling like she was going to die walking down the stairs, the pain in her neck and back. It all finally made sense.

I called Ana to share my new theory - that she and I are both suffering from a flare up of Chikungunya. She agreed. In fact, many of her friends who had Chikungunya a year or two ago (Ana had it 2 years ago) are going through the same thing. I think she was relieved to put a label on all of the pain, although she may return to the doctor if she doesn't feel better soon.

Thank God I don't have as many symptoms as Ana. So far I only have pain in my right ankle and right elbow. She says hers has been getting progressively worse for about a month. Yesterday she was able to lift her arms over her head, so maybe that was a turning point and she is on the mend. The expensive medicine helps a lot with stress, she said. She feels much more relaxed. That was good to hear.

We talked about the things she's been praying about lately. She feels like she and her family are invisible. Sometimes she believes that nobody sees the needs they have, or even the positive things they do. I've never known Ana to be down like this. I'm praying for her emotional recovery as well as the physical.

Last week she was offered a job working on a political campaign for this years' elections. She wanted to take the position but wasn't able to because of an upcoming surgery. She had to decide between a necessary surgery and a job that will bring in $150/month for full time work. It was a tough choice. She's hoping the opportunity will present itself again after surgery. I assured her she made the right choice. She said I couldn't imagine how tough that decision was. She's right. I can't imagine.

Feeling Helpless

I feel so helpless!

Ana just called to thank me for a bag of school supplies I sent to the church with Fany yesterday.

When I talked to Ana last week to plan Isabela's birthday she told me she was stressed out. Ana's never stressed. Even when she has no food in the house or when she is diagnosed with cancer she doesn't get stressed. She prays and has faith God will take care of everything.

However, this year she is facing a new situation. Normally she spends about $75 on the kids at the start of the school year, but this year she has not been able to save money. All of the kids wore through their backpacks last year. Their uniform pants are too short and they have no basic supplies.

Usually they receive some supplies from the government through the church. But this year the government donation was extremely small and it has to stretch for all of the kids of the breakfast program. Now that school started back up the church is serving less kids, but there are still about 70 kids with very few supplies to go around.

Impacto Juvenil hasn't handed anything out yet. I'm hoping they do this week. Ana's kids already have homework they can't do because they are supposed to do it with a two subject notebook, which they don't have. This will affect their grades. And there is nothing I can do.

Ana has been taking in clothes to wash (by hand) in order to make money. She washed so many clothes she can't lift her arms. Her back and neck are a mess too. She said she was blessed recently by a neck massage by a friend from the US, which helped a lot, but the doctor wants her to take medication which she hasn't been able to buy. She won't buy the medication for herself until her children have school supplies. Even though she can't lift her arms.

This started weeks ago, when the team from the US was here. At that time she asked for ibuprofen and blamed it on making pupusas for over 100 people. She never mentioned washing tons of laundry by hand.

She probably wouldn't have let it slip that she can't lift up her arms, but she was explaining that she is cutting back to only volunteering two days each week now at the breakfast program because she is exhausted. Between washing laundry for neighbors, cooking for Impacto Juvenil, and volunteering at the church, she feels overwhelmed.

She was told she is putting money before God when she decided to cut back to two days per week at the church. To that she responded that she knows God would want her to work to feed and clothe her kids. She said she has had a lot of quiet time with God and that's what she feels called to do, so no matter what others say, she has peace.

Gosh. I am so frustrated. I feel angry, partly because I can't get out of bed and help her. I also think it's unfair that she works so hard and still is not able to provide for her kids. Never mind a medication so she can use her arms. In reality she is working three jobs - at the church, for Impacto Juvenil, and now washing clothes. On top of that she's a single mom, raising four kids. How could she not be overwhelmed?

I was thinking about back to school time for when I was a child. I had so many new clothes, I often wouldn't wear the same outfit twice for more than a week. David and Jired need PENS. They have one uniform each from last year and the pants are too short. I just can't imagine.

Somehow, God provided everything for Samuel. I had most of it here in my closet. I never knew it was waiting in my closet to go to their house.

I'm waiting to see if Molly plans to go into Los Pinos tomorrow. If she is headed that way I'm going to ask her to pick up two notebooks and the medication for Ana. A friend of mine offered to help Ana with school supplies the last time I wrote about Ana's situation in my blog. I think now the only thing they need are two backpacks and uniforms. But that will have to wait until I can drive.

Ana said her stress is not emotional. She has faith that God will provide for her children to study. She says once she can stop working so much she will feel better. She's right, I just wish I could help.

***** Update***** Molly just called. She doesn't have time to buy the stuff before her trip into Los Pinos tomorrow morning. But she will buy it and take it to Ana on Wednesday. Ana is happy and appreciative.

Rest and more rest

Welcome to my 900th post! This blog has really taken off lately. I'm very happy to report that we average about 350 readers now. Today alone we have almost 1000 and it's only noon! WOW!

Friday morning I decided abruptly to have a day without any communication outside of email. I logged out of Facebook, and put my phone away. It felt so good I continued Saturday and Sunday ignoring WhatsApp and Messenger.

This morning I figured I better check my messages before the mass accumulation became too overwhelming. I was also worried about my church, since there were over 100 from the women's church group alone.

The group messages were mostly people sending smiley faces and thumbs up signs. Honduran women love those cartoon character messenges. They can carry on long "conversations" with no words, just silly faces.

At least the church was fine. Last week we got to church to find a thief had broken in through a window during the night and stolen our musical equipment! It was quite a feat considering we are on the second floor and the first floor is extra tall because it's built to drive tractor trailers inside. I was worried he returned and stole the rest of the church's possessions.

I got back to the two people who asked about my ankle, called my Mom, and now my phone is hidden away again. Sometimes it's nice to hide away from the crappy things that are going on in the world right now.

So, here's a little wrap up. The day I got off bed rest I went to work for three hours. The three hours were spent seated, with my foot elevated. When I got home I was in a lot of pain and my ankle was swollen more than usual. I rested Friday. Saturday I went to a church meeting where I sat for two hours. During the meeting my foot swelled and hurt a lot by the time I got home. Sunday I went to church. Three hours later my ankle was killing me. I did move around at church, taking some photos, and standing during the standing parts. Monday I went to work. After sitting for two hours in meetings my ankle was bursting out of my shoe and hurt a lot. Tuesday I rested but was still in pain.

Wednesday I sent my doctor a photo of the ankle which I took after work on Monday. I explained that every time I do anything, even for only 2-3 hours, my ankle swells and hurt. He said I could come in for a consult if I'd like to, but that this is normal. He said to ice it and go back on bed rest for a week or two. It just needs more time to heal.

I've been back on bed rest again for 5 days now. This morning I woke up and it was much less swollen so I was going to go for a little walk. I showered. By the time I got out of the shower it was reddish purple and swollen again. Frustrating!

I may go for a walk tomorrow, just to get things moving a little and see how I do. I want to see how I feel JUST walking, without driving. I think it's the clutch that is bothering my foot more than anything, so I figure that will be a good test.

This week is a missionary retreat. I had to give up my spot to someone else. That was a bummer. I never usually see North Americans (besides Molly). I was looking forward to some time to sing in English and eat North American food. Oh well.

Fany has been out of town a lot. While Laura is on vacation from school they try to spend as much time as possible with her husband's family. It gets a little boring around here without them. Good thing I enjoy alone time.

Fany says Don Chano is still in a lot of pain from falling off the horse. He was a perfect patient when he was here with Fany. Now that he is at home with his wife he is demanding and grumpy. He's not used to resting.

Lately I've spent a lot of time working on my taxes, reading and coloring in my adult coloring book.

I sent some extra school supplies that I had sitting around the house to Ana yesterday. Fany delivered them for me. I hope once she has donations from the government and from Impacto Juvenil that she will have most everything she needs.

I also sent a stuffed animal for Isa. We were supposed to celebrate her birthday last week, but Isa was sick on her birthday. We rescheduled for the day after, but she was still sick. Then I got put back on bed rest and the boys started school so we had to put off the celebration. Ana says Isa undertands. I sure hope so.

Don Chano

Fany's father in law who lives out in the country fell off a horse on Friday. He's in his 70's and not in the best of health to begin with. He wasn't supposed to be out taking care of the cows, but you know those people who refuse to slow down? That's Don Chano. I think working gives him a purpose.

His wife had quite a scare when a man known for trafficking narcotics came to her door. He told Doña Paola that he found Don Chano on the road but Don Chano refused to get in the car with him. Don Chano just asked the man to go to his house and send his son to get him.

Santos went and found his father, lying over his horse, unable to move. The horse had been spooked by a donkey and tossed Don Chano onto a pile of big rocks. He managed to pull himself onto the horse and get out to the road, but he couldn't go any further.

Santos (Fany's husband) has two vehicles. Each one is always on the verge of dying or dead. This week his big work truck is functioning. Santos didn't think his dad should ride in the work truck for over an hour to get to the city. The road is bumpy, and worse in that truck. It would be a rough ride for his father in that condition.

Fany asked if I could drive and pick up Don Chano to take him to the hospital. I said sure, although I knew it was a bad idea for my ankle. I mean, we couldn't let the man die there.

We tried to find other vehicles but nobody in the little village had a car. I said if he were that bad off, he probably shouldn't wait over an hour for me to get there and pick him up. So Santos headed for the hospital with his father in the big, bumpy truck.

Don Chano was in such pain and Santos was so nervous that he ended up driving to the nearest clinic and taking an ambulance the rest of the way. Santos thought his father was going to die on the car ride!

X rays showed no broken bones so they did an MRI which showed no organ damage. Fany told me they gave him an antibiotic (for bruised rib cage!) and pain medicine. I asked why in the world they would give an antibiotic for bruised ribs. She didn't know.

Santos brought his father home late Friday night. Since then poor Don Chano has been here, with Santos and Fany, in Laura's bed. He needs help to go to the bathroom. It has to be so hard for a man who needs to be working all of the time to sit in a pink bedroom for four days!

He really wanted to go back home and be with his wife. He was worried about her being home alone. He thought people might come and steal the stuff they keep outside the house if they realize there is no man there. But he can't sit up or move around on his own. His wife certainly can't lift him. So he had to stay here.

He asked for some remedies that country people use. Fany kind of laughed about it, but he was in so much pain she gave in. Yesterday Fany gave him a leaf wrap on his ribs where it hurt most. He told Fany he hasn't slept for days, but the leaf wrap helped.

Sunday Fany had him agreeing to get a second opinion, but by Monday he changed his mind. Today Fany called Santos and asked him to please come home from work. His father was pale and hurting. They went to a new health building a block away. I didn't even realize the place is open. Last I knew they were still putting up the walls, but I guess I haven't walked down there in over a month because of my own medical problems.

Fany said it is a really great medical center. It has an emergency room and specialists. And clean bathrooms with soft toilet paper. She told me about the soft toilet paper three times. Toilet paper in Honduras is thin and NOT soft. A place with clean bathrooms and soft toilet paper must be good.

The doctors said he didn't need the antibiotic. Shocker! Instead they gave him an IV of pain meds. They said the pain medicine he was given Friday is nowhere near strong enough. By the time he got home Don Chano was feeling great! He sat down for dinner at the dining room table for the first time. After dinner he relaxed in the living room, watching tv.

They gave him free pain meds to get through tonight and tomorrow with a prescription for more. They also gave him a medication that Fany said is usually really expensive, for free to protect his stomach and something else free to help him sleep. Fany was impressed with that place.

I told Fany to make sure he gets his meds before the eight hours passes so he doesn't have to suffer anymore. She is going to set an alarm so he gets his meds on time. She said her back is really sore from hauling Don Chano in and out of bed. She didn't know if she could do it much longer. But if he gets his meds tomorrow, he may be able to move around and he can home soon.

We both feel horrible that he had to suffer unnecessarily for so long. I don't understand why the doctors here give antibiotics for everything, even bruised ribs.

I'm going to Jamaica!

I was so excited to get back to work on Monday! Normally I can't stand it when they ask a bunch of adults to do hand gestures with songs. It's a very Honduran thing to do, for little kids and adults alike. Yesterday I was hand gesturing and singing away at our weekly devotional.

The topic was so interesting. Since we are a group who works for justice, the topic was about explaining things that aren't just. The co-founder of my organization did the best job I've ever heard explaining why God allows things that aren't fair to happen.

First he told us a story.

We were to imagine that we were about to have a baby. We had to decide between two fates for the child. In once case, the child would have no free will, but would always do the right thing. They would be respectful, loving, kind, helpful - everything good. In the other case the child would have free will. The question he posed was which life would we choose for our child.

All but two of the 150 people chose free will.

Then he talked about all of the unjust things that have happened to members of our organization lately. Sometimes even when they, themselves, made good choices and were fighting for what is just, they were killed as a result of someone else's bad choice (the choice to kill them).

We talked about how free will makes everything more significant. Making a good decision means so much more when you know it would have been easier to choose the "bad" option. Having your child choose to hug you and kiss you means more when they are not duty bound to do so. Hearing "I love you" means more when you know you fought hard for that love.

We talked about how Jesus had free will but still chose to die for our sins. Adam and Eve had free will and even they got messed up in a world much simpler than today's.

So, we can blame God for things we don't understand but in one way or another injustices can be traced back to free will. He even covered hurricanes and cancer. I'll have to ask a coworker about those because I forgot, but I did understand at the time.

After the devotional, as always, we divide into our individual projects. My boss talked about all of the new plans for Impacto Juvenil. Some of them are great! We are going to offer tutoring, build another library and have reading clubs in each library, offer classes up to sixth grade for kids who dropped out. Those things will all be great.

But there is another plan developed by people who sit behind desks and come up with ideas that sound great in theory or look good on paper. Those people don't understand the reality of our work. So, we'll do our best and see what happens. I understand why the office people think the kids will benefit from their plan, but I believe the reality is that people who were already drowning in work will now have a lot more work with few positive results. I hope I'm wrong.

We've been trying to celebrate Isa's birthday for two days. She was sick Sunday and Monday so her mother gave her antibiotics, of course. Today she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with "allergies to the weather". That's Honduran for "she caught the cold that is going around but we like to blame it on the weather because it's easier to blame it on allergies than to educate people about germs, how they are passed, and how to keep from getting sick." They gave her acetaminophen and anti-parasite medicine. Tomorrow her brothers go back to school but Friday is a holiday so we will celebrate Isa's birthday then.

My coworker and I had plans for tomorrow. We were going to schedule the clubs for the year to come. However, she just called to say that she and the psychologist are doing home visits instead. Since I can't do home visits yet I'll be resting tomorrow. It's still frustrating! I hate to feel like I am not able to contribute. But my ankle did hurt a lot today so I know it's best.

Tomorrow I am going to call for another doctor appointment. Everyone is telling me my ankle should look better than it does. I am going to ask if this is normal and get more specific instructions as to what I should and should not do. I can feel it healing. I think it just needs more time.

My friend won a trip to Jamaica for having the third highest sales at her job in the US. It's all expenses paid, plus resort credit and she can bring a guest. Guess what? She's bringing me! She said it was easiest because her other friends can't argue if she tells them she is bringing a missionary from Honduras who needs pampering. Hurray for free trips to Jamaica!!!!

Back on my feet

I've never been a person who thought much about ankles. I know there are people who don't like their ankles. There is even a made up word - "shankles" - for when a person has ankles so thick that their shins and ankles appear as one. It's official. I now have one shankle.

My injured ankle is so ugly! In the morning it looks fairly normal. By the end of the day it is exploding out of whatever shoe or sandal I force my foot into. Ugh. I can't stand it. I'll be wearing long pants until it's healed.

Wednesday night I slept really well with no pain at all for the first time since the injury. I woke up Thursday morning so excited to go back to work for the first time! I thought to myself, "Wow! This doctor really knew what he was talking about. He knew the exact day that I'd be better."

I drove about 2 kilometers, sat in a meeting for three hours, and drove home. I even elevated my foot during the meeting. It was only noon, but as the photos above demonstrate, my ankle was a mess. I haven't had a painless night since.

Driving seems to be the worst for it. Walking on flat surfaces is fine, but inclines hurt. Pushing in the clutch makes something in my ankle pop. Then it tingles and hurts for the rest of the day.

My friend Mario asked if he could come to church with me this week. He left his church and hasn't found another one where he feels comfortable. Since Carlos is going to stay with him, he'd like to set a good example for Carlos by being part of a church again. I'm not sure if my church is right for him. My gut says no but he's certainly welcome if he feels like it's a good fit,

This afternoon Carlos, Molly, Mario and Mario's Dad had a meeting to go over the rules of the house. They are going to write up a lease and a food agreement, just to have everything on paper so that everyone is on the same page. School will start in a week and a half so I imagine Carlos will move in soon.

Ana called today. She is concerned because public schools start Wednesday, which is two weeks earlier than usual. She was planning on two more weeks to gather money for uniforms, backpacks and school supplies. Instead she is broke.

She asked the church if they have anything. I know that was hard for her because she hates having to ask for things. The church has a bag with a couple of notebooks and some pens which the government gives to all registered churches. It will help, but there are still lots things she will need.

I told her I will find out tomorrow what Impacto Juvenil is doing this year. Last year they gave heavy duty backpacks crammed full of school supplies. Some kids got uniforms and shoes too. But each club is different.

Ana said other mothers got phone calls from Impacto Juvenil asking the kids' clothing and shoe sizes. But the kids who are in Ana's son's (David) club didn't get that phone call. I explained that each club is sponsored by different donors. Some donors give more money than others. It seems like maybe the donors who support David's club didn't buy uniforms and shoes this year.

I scoured my house for things the kids could use. Over a year ago my Mom bought a backpack for a kid who ended up not needing it. It's been sitting in my closet waiting for a home. That will go to Samuel. I had some notebooks, markers and pencils left over from literacy class and from the behavioral disorder class. All of that is stuffed into Samuel's backpack. Someone in his family will use it.

I am most worried about uniforms and backpacks. Fany told me earlier this week that even cheap, poor quality backpacks are $40! I hope we only have to buy one.

Tomorrow morning at work I'll talk to the leader of David's club. Ana's having nightmares because the kids will not be allowed to attend school without the uniforms and the proper supplies. I told her not to worry. If necessary I will reach out to some sponsors and ask if they can help. God will provide!

To be continued...

I stayed at Molly's house from Friday until Monday when we dropped Karen off at her new placement. When I got home I was emotionally exhausted, and tired physically too. I honestly have not known what day of the week it is since last Friday. I'm not exaggerating.

The great thing is that Molly's kids did really well. They have been through so much. We were worried all of the craziness could be bad for them. But they came through the whole experience with no apparent problems. Molly had them sleep in her bedroom, so for them it was a big sleep over.

For Molly and me it was an emotional roller coaster. We shared moments of joy, laughter, and hope - especially at night after everyone else was tucked safely into bed. One night the kids had to ask us to keep our laughter down. Ooops! But believe me, we needed to laugh. It felt like for each obstacle we overcame, a bigger one took its place.

We really thought that after a week or two with Molly, Karen would be calm and able to transition into her new placement. We blamed most of Karen's problematic behaviors on the woman who was left in charge of the ministry for the past year. She was not equipped to deal with difficult teens. It seemed that her behaviors were causing Karen to act out in aggressive ways.

Yesterday I apologized to that lady. She was left in a difficult situation when the leaders of the ministry just took off and never came back. She truly wasn't equipped to deal with all of the things she faced, but who would be? Karen alone requires a team of people to properly care for her. Then you add in the boys who each had their own problems. That lady did her best in a situation that was impossible to manage without a team of professionals.

After seeing that she was not the cause of Karen's behavior, it was heartbreaking to think of what must have occurred to cause Karen to become such a different person than she was three years ago. Karen has always been grumpy and somewhat defiant, but never aggressive physically or sexually.

At the same time that our hearts ached for Karen, Molly and I felt angry. Karen is, after all, a 30ish year old woman who was going after Molly's eleven year old son! We had to keep reminding ourselves to pray for Karen when we felt frustrated.

After lunch on Saturday Karen went to her room (which has an attached bathroom) and didn't come out until we went in to move her to her new placement on Monday. Even when she was in her room, we couldn't rest. We constantly listened for her to get up. We worried about how she would act once she got up and how we should react in turn. We were concerned she wasn't eating. We still had to be vigilant because if she did come out of her room, we could not allow her a single moment alone with the kids. Molly went in to make sure she was still breathing. She was.

It was a blessing that we had that little break from Karen because Sunday morning Molly received a phone call that was devastating. It was Carlos, a boy we both love. We were excited for him because for the first time in his life he was living with his father. He's spent vacations with his dad, but the plan was for him to stay with his father permanently, help out the family, and finish high school there.

All of the rest of Carlos's family lives on the streets. His brothers have been in and out of the ministry where Carlos lived since they were tiny. In they end they kept returning to the streets. When the ministry closed, it hit Carlos hardest. The founders of the ministry told him they were his family. The ministry was his home. When the left and never came back he felt abandoned by the only family he ever knew.

Life with his father seemed to be going well. He was waking up at 4 a.m. and working on a farm alongside his dad. He began looking into schools near his father's house and gathered information about them.

When he came back to get his transcripts from the school he attended last year he got a big surprise. The ministry where Carlos lived owes the school $2000 to the school! He can't get his transcripts until his part, which is $500 is paid. (That also means the rest of the kids who were dislocated probably won't be able to study.)

That was a big bummer for Carlos, but he and Molly worked out a plan. She told him to go back to his father's house, choose a school, and come back with a list of everything he will need to start the new school year in February.

After the phone call on Sunday morning I noticed she spent a long time outside, cleaning the yard. The yard is just a small patch of grass, so I wondered why she was out there so long. The kids came in and played with me. When she came in she went straight to the kitchen and washed dishes. I could tell she was crying. The kids got occupied with something and I went into the kitchen. As she wiped away tears she explained Carlos had been kicked out of his father's house by his father's wife because there was not enough food to feed everyone. Carlos was packing his clothes and expecting to live on the streets with his mother and brothers.

Oh man. That was a tough one to swallow. He couldn't come to Molly's house because he was the trigger for Karen's sexual behavior. We didn't know where he would sleep that night.

Molly has been picking up the pieces and fixing disasters for weeks. She was exhausted. As she washed dishes she asked if I know any boarding schools. I know one, but we decided it's too far. Carlos has already been kicked out by the people he considered family, and now by his biological father. Molly was hoping to find something close so she could be his family.

I remembered a friend of mine ran a sports camp at a nearby boarding school. He is my coworker and dedicates his life to helping the youth of his community. I called him to ask if he would recommend that school for Carlos. He did not recommend the boarding school where he'd run the sports camp. He said they have lots of funding, but the education and structure (or lack thereof) is not ideal.

However, he had a better idea. There is a school here, in the city, which is a good Christian school. Families who live nearby commonly host kids so they can attend and live nearby. That seemed like a perfect option for Carlos.

My friend said he was going to talk to some families who hosted kids in the past.

An hour later he called back. His own family had met. They have an extra room where Carlos can live! It has a stove and electricity. All he has to do is bring a bed.

He said he will take Carlos under his wing and keep an eye on Carlos. Carlos could even end up working at the place where my friend and I both serve!

Still, the decision would be up to Carlos. We called him, excited to share this new option, but he never answered. The next day when he still wasn't answering our hope and excitement turned to worry. What if this was all too much for him? Being kicked out of two homes in one month is heartbreaking! Molly sent messages so he would know we had come up with an option and he would not be homeless.

Finally he showed up at Molly's house the next afternoon. He was, as could be expected, very sad.

We dropped Karen off at her new placement in the morning. The transition was not easy. She was anxious. But she handled it extremely well. Today she is reported to be happy and full of laughter. The leaders of her new program are making plans to start her education so she will learn to communicate!

Meanwhile, Carlos is visiting his old school. Initially he thought he wanted to continue there. But Molly just sent me a message as I am writing this post which said they went to visit the school my friend recommended. They had a good visit with my friend and got to see where he'd be living. As Carlos got into the car to leave he said, "I think this is where God wants me to be."

As I finish typing, I take a deep breath and sigh. It really has felt like a roller coaster! Sometimes it got so intense we each shut down for a little while. Luckily those moments hit us at different times, so one of us was always able to keep going.

In the end, I am back at home resting. Molly is with Carlos and her family. She wants to give him time to reflect and pray about what his next step should be.

God loves Karen and God loves Carlos even more than Molly and I do. Although it's felt like a roller coaster, He was always in control. We pray Karen will be able to thrive in her new placement. We also pray Carlos will have a clear vision of what to do next in the midst of all this craziness.

To be continued...

Deteriorating

I wrote this on Saturday, the 21st but never got a chance to proofread and publish it:

A lot has happened in the past 24 hours!

Yesterday afternoon Molly, my friend who is caring for Karen, called. She was very upset. Karen had suddenly begun acting really strangely. Molly didn't feel safe. She also feared for the safety of her two kids.

Molly explained that Carlos, a sweet boy I know, stopped by her house. He used to live at the (now extinct) ministry with Karen. Molly figured it would be good for Karen to see a familiar face during this time of transition. At first it was fine. Then Molly noticed Karen was acting strangely. She was looking at the visiting boy in a weird way and walking differently.

After the boy left, Karen (who is thought to be about 30 years old but never got an accurate birth certificate) started staring at Molly's eleven year old son in a strange, obsessive way. Molly tried to put a stop to it, which made Karen angry.

Karen's previous caretaker told horror stories about Karen's violent behavior. Karen did not become violent yesterday, but she glared at Molly and continued staring at the young boy. She kept trying to get him alone and signaling to him she wanted to tell him a secret. The more Molly intervened, the more defiant Karen became.

Molly was concerned for the well being of her 11 year old son, as well as the safety of the household. She has raised the boy and his younger sister as her own for the past four years. She met them when they lived in the ministry where Karen lived. They suffered abuse and neglect but are finally settling into a more normal life with Molly. However, behavior like Karen's could cause a big setback in their lives.

Realizing it was a delicate situation, Molly called me for help. I flashed back to my days of working in a lock down facility for sex offenders. God prepared me well for this situation. I realized that Karen must have been triggered by the older boy's presence. I gave Molly a safety plan for her home and asked if she would like me to come and stay with her so she would have an extra set of eyes and another authority figure there. Molly was so relieved!

I still can't drive stick shift because of my ankle but Molly was more than happy to come and get me.

There was a team here, visiting from the US. I almost had to cancel a visit with them, but it all worked out perfectly. We had a nice visit. We sat in my garden and drank ginger tea and juice from the jamaica flower. I got to share with them about all of the stuff I've been working on and hear about their experience this week. They were exhausted, but clearly enjoying their time in Los Pinos. Molly arrived to pick me up 15 minutes after they left.

The first night was uneventful. Molly and I stayed up late giggling, which was a great stress relief for both of us.

Saturday we took Molly's son to soccer practice. Karen seemed fine. But after soccer she acted strange again. She kept staring at him and would not take her eyes off him. He ate lunch oblivious to her constant focus on him and then went off to play.

Karen's head swiveled around and her eyes never left him. Sometimes Molly put herself between Molly and her son. Karen glared at Molly each time. When she was corrected she got angry. She clearly knew what she was doing is wrong, but refused to stop.

She stared at the eleven year old boy like he was her favorite food and she was about to devour him in one gulp. Thank God for his youth and innocence. So far he hasn't noticed her fixation.

This afternoon/evening, Karen has been in her room. We did a sweep of the house, indoors and out. It's probably not necessary, but we made sure anything which could be used as a weapon is inaccessible.

Molly is trying to get Karen moved as soon as possible. Tomorrow she will take her to a church for deaf people. I will stay with the kids and another friend is traveling with them so Molly will not be alone in the car. On Monday morning she will move into her new placement.

Molly and I are so worried for Karen's future. If she is this aggressive and inappropriate under our watchful eye, how was she acting in previous situations if she was unsupervised? We contacted the woman who was caring for Karen most recently. As I assumed, this behavior is not new. The previous caregiver found Karen acting out sexually with a younger boy, but did not mention it to Molly.

It seems clear the behavior came about as a result of sexual abuse. Karen didn't have these sexualized behaviors three years ago when Molly lived at the ministry with Karen. These are new and very unhealthy behaviors. The new placement is still willing to take Karen, but if she acts out sexually she will have to leave. At this point it seems Karen could soon end up in a mental hospital or behind bars. It is so sad.

Coffee with the ladies

This morning Karen and my friend who is caring for her came over. I cannot imagine being deaf and unable to communicate. Everything is so difficult and every solution I think of requires a life skill she doesn't have.

For example, on Sunday Karen slept all day. I thought the obvious answer was to give her a clock and tell her on Monday she should get out of bed and be ready by a certain hour. However, Karen was never taught to tell time.

She also has never learned to consider her own desires or preferences. She eats what she is told, when she is told. My friend gave her a piece of paper, thinking she might be bored. She drew until her hand was so tired that she couldn't draw anymore. What my friend had intended as an enjoyable pastime was received by Karen as a task.

Today I made coffee for the first time in my house. (The housekeeper brought me a little strainer which you fill with coffee, then pour boiling water through.) My friend said coffee is one of Karen's favorite things. Karen seemed excited, but then she barely touched it. I was worried I made it wrong. I tasted if afterward to make sure it was okay. It was fine. I still don't know why she didn't drink it. Obviously she couldn't tell me.

The good news is, she seems happy and generally relaxed. The aggressive and violent behaviors which previous caregivers reported are non-existent. She isn't eating much, but I assume that is because she was offered little food in the previous placement and her stomach is not accustomed to regular meals.

My friend is observing Karen's behavior this week to be sure she is mentally stable enough to live in the new placement. So far we see no signs of aggression or self harm, which is amazing considering all she was reportedly doing in the previous placement.

As my friend and I talked, Karen giggled now and then. We tried to include her as much as possible. Her giggle was sweet. Previous caretakers believed her giggles meant she was communicating with the devil. It seemed like healthy giggling to me.

The cleaning lady came today. She agreed to come twice this week and twice next week. I cooked us lunch today. My foot was fine until I tried to take out the garbage. Bad choice. I'm no longer bed bound, but I am house bound still.

I did my first homework for Spanish classes today. The last time I studied Spanish was 2011. I remember taking hours and hours to figure out my homework. I guessed a lot. It was hard. This time was so much easier! I finished five pages of homework in less than an hour. I can't explain why some of the answers are correct, but I know they are right from hearing the language spoken all of the time. My teacher can explain why in my next class.

I switched back to my original teacher from 2011. The other teacher wasn't challenging me enough. My first teacher remembered me. I used to be so nervous before my classes with her! Now we just chat right along.

She said I am truly bilingual. I guess I knew that, but it was still nice to hear. She said I don't struggle to think of words, my language is very fluid, and my accent is good and easy to understand. I told her I would like to improve my accent, but she said that unless I live here for many, many years, my accent is as good as it can be.

She figured out what I need to work on and we have a plan moving forward. I'm excited to better my Spanish and feel more confident about my communication skills.

Fany came home long enough to sign Laura up for school. The new school year begins in two weeks. Prices went up for enrollment and the monthly fee. The school also fired Fany's favorite bus driver. Last year Fany was so stressed out! This year she is totally relaxed. She is going to pray and believe they will find transportation.

Thank you for your prayers for Karen! Her transition has been incredibly smooth. So far she's doing extremely well. As long as she remains emotionally stable she will move into her new placement soon.

Cast off

Today was the big day. Time for the cast to come off! I had no idea what the doctor would say. For the later part of last week I started feeling better. Yesterday and this morning I even walked a little. It felt good. No pain.

This morning I got up and showered, fixed my hair, put on jewelry for the first time in months (can't wear jewelry when I'm working because I could get mugged). Fany and I had painted our nails so I found clothes that would go over the cast and match my nails. I was feeling good!

The cab driver came right on time. It felt strange to be outside of my house watching bright colored houses whiz past from the back seat of his car.

(Nothing actually whizzed. My taxi driver is an older man with a very old car. We drive quite slowly because the car is not capable of, or safe at, high speeds.)

I got to the doctor's office a half hour early, expecting to be the first one. Two people were already ahead of me. The doctor came 50 minutes late. Thank God I hadn't asked the cab to wait.

As I waited, I prayed. Maybe I'd go back to work tomorrow? I was starving. The lunch hour was quickly passing.

My foot began to throb. It needed to be elevated. The waiting room was almost empty. I swung my leg around and propped my calf up on the chair next to me, careful not to let any dirty part of my foot touch the plastic seat. A man who was waiting with another patient looked at me and said, "Que ordinaria." He just stood there glaring at me.

I'm not sure exactly what ordinary means in Spanish, but I know it's not good. Fany used it last night to describe a girl whose chest was bursting out of her dress. I think it means something like an ignorant scum-bag. The man was clearly mad that I had my casted ankle on the seat. I didn't care. There were plenty of empty seats, everything was clean and my ankle felt better elevated.

Finally it was my turn. After hitting on me the last time, the doctor didn't seem to remember me this time! It was strange. He asked if I had even been in this office before. I had to remind him that this was my second cast because my first one got wet. Then he remembered.

He cut off the cast and told me to walk. Timidly, I took a few steps. Everything seemed fine. He told me to walk without fear, so I tried to walk normally and everything still seemed fine. My ankle was yellow, green, and dark purple. The ankle bone was barely visible from the swelling all around. The inside of my leg was swollen higher than the ankle bone.

This is the inside of my ankle. Normally there is a bone there.

Still so swollen and colorful...

My doctor and nurse both assured me that was normal, even after 21 days. He said it is important now to move my foot, but not too much. This way, he said, I'll avoid physical therapy.

I walked to the cashier to pay my bill. It hurt. But my cab came before I had a chance to ask the doctor if it should really hurt this much.

The cab dropped me off at home. All I wanted to do was get out of my house. I considered walking over to the neighborhood next door to buy cheese, but thought that might be pushing it. (Thank God I didn't!)

I could go to the grocery store, I thought. That's easy. I'll drive there, I can lean on the grocery cart if my foot is sore, then I'll just drive back home. No problem.

I was wrong. Just getting out of the garage was tough. Opening and closing the gate was a difficult feat. I can no longer kick the rock that I use to prop open the door. That rock is heavier than I ever realized. I had to bend over and pick up the rock and put it in front of the door.

When I lifted the right side of my body into the car and tried to swing my left side in, I almost cried out in pain. I considered turning around and going back into the house. But opening that gate was so much work. Driving had to be easier.

Driving was fine for the first two blocks. Then I heard popping sounds as I pushed in the clutch. It hurt enough that I wondered if I would make it through the store. But I only needed oatmeal, cat litter and sugar. That's not too much walking. I could do it.

There was no parking in the front row, but a car was leaving in the second row so I waited while the cars behind honked at me. By the time I hobbled into the store, I felt like everyone was watching me, although I'm sure they weren't.

The oatmeal had been moved, but I found it. The cat litter was not in stock. I forgot all about the sugar. My ankle hurt so much, I just wanted to sit down in the middle of the aisle and cry.

I couldn't think of anyone to carry me out of the store and take my car home so I had to keep moving.

I felt like when I used to do sports - when you think you can't take another step, but then you do. And another and another. Finally I found myself at the checkout line.

I noticed I move slower than usual these days. I think it's from being in my bed, away from the hustle and bustle of society. I drive less aggressively. I even signed my name on my credit card receipt more slowly. The bagger asked if she could carry my groceries to my car. She was already down the ramp and in the parking lot before I got to the exit. That time everyone really was looking at us. It was pretty funny.

I walked slowly down the ramp with her waiting. I explained, "My ankle is hurt," lifting my pant leg over my ankle. She freaked out! Her eyes bulged out of her head and she exclaimed, "Siiiii hombre!" In her surprise she responded in a very informal manner which would not normally be acceptable. She said I need to see a doctor. I explained I just came from the doctor and the injury actually happened the day after Christmas. She told me I should not be walking around like that.

The drive home was a killer. I contemplated leaving the car outside the gate and groceries in the car, but I found turkey sausage on sale for half price. It needed to go in the fridge. And it would be easier to carry the food from inside the garage.

Tomorrow was supposed to be the cleaning lady's last day. I'll need her a little longer than I expected.

I sent my boss photos of the monstrosity that is my ankle. She was surprised it was still such a mess and told me to rest as long as I need so it will heal right. Messages have been rolling in from coworkers.

So, my cast is off. But my ankle still hurts. A lot. I will not be going back to work tomorrow. I didn't really expect to, but I kind of hoped... I'm no longer on bed rest but I am still limited to moving around my house. My prayer is that I will be well by the 27th.

Pescado Frito

Fany brought me lunch today.

This is a special plate, typical of Honduras - Fried Fish (Pescado Frito)

With Teeth!

Only the head and a fin left -
I think I should have eaten more of the head, so I threw the rest in the garbage quickly.
I don't want Fany to be mad if I was supposed to eat the eyeball or something.

Problems before noon

I slept well for the second time since getting my cast. It's so nice to wake up feeling rested.

My friend came by with some groceries. She is leaving my house to go pick up a girl who is deaf and needs to get out of her current placement.

My friend used to serve at the same ministry where the girl lives. They had adjacent bedrooms for two years. Back then the girl was a typical young adult. At times she could be grumpy or lazy. Otherwise she liked to laugh and joke. At the end of 2014 my friend left that ministry. We heard stories of mistreatment during 2015 and 2016. Now the girl is being described as violent, homicidal and suicidal.

We are hoping that her behavior, if it truly is as violent and aggressive as the leaders of the ministry say (which is questionable), will change with time once she is in a place where she will be treated with kindness and respect.

It is a risk for my friend to take the girl into her home, but she cannot leave her where she is. The people who run the ministry say the girl has been calm since my friend's last visit. They believe it's because of an exorcism they performed on her. My friend and I choose to believe it's because the girl knew she only had to live in that place for three more days. We don't think there were ever any spiritual issues, but rather behavioral problems as a result of abuse and neglect.

Please pray for this girl as she spends a couple of weeks with my friend to stabilize her behavior, then moves on to a ministry that has agreed to take her and is fairly equipped to meet her needs. After spending 20+ years with nobody investing in her, she will now be taught life skills, how to communicate, and shown unconditional love. We know it's late in coming, but we are hoping she can learn to accept the love and the help she deserves.

I can't imagine not being able to communicate with anyone, not being able to understand what is going on in the world around me, not having access to education, not having a purpose in life, not being loved, and on top of that being treated poorly. I pray today will be the beginning of a better life for this young girl.

Fany came over with some bad news this morning. Our friend Cynthia was kidnapped last night on her way home from work. "Colectivos" or shared taxis are the cheapest way to get around, but they are so dangerous because anyone in the world can get into the cab with you.

Cynthia is okay. A woman who was in the front seat stole all of her stuff and held her hostage. That's all I know right now. It's a common occurrence. Everyone I know who rides in colectivos has been robbed multiple times. Buses are the same.

Yesterday the lady who cleans my house was late getting here. I was really nervous because I know she has to take two different colectivos to get here. I didn't want to call her because it's not safe for her to answer her phone while she is in the street or the cab. Finally I broke down and called. Her phone was shut off. I imagined it had been stolen and the battery pulled out so it couldn't be tracked. Just then, I heard her outside my gate.

I told her I was worried and vacillating, trying to decide if I should call her phone. She said her husband goes through the same dilemma when she is late, not wanting to put her in danger by having her phone ring in public. Turned out I was calling the wrong number. Her phone was right in her purse. When I told her I was worried she told me several stories about being robbed at knifepoint and gunpoint in cabs and colectivos.

All of my coworkers made it home safe last night after our little dinner. Thank God for that.

My friend who serves in Los Pinos is having to make some tough decisions. For the first time, I am very worried for her. School starts in February so she has to make sure the kids are enrolled and have all they need to start school. But the gangs were very irritable yesterday. Instead of their usual catcalls and telling her they want to marry her, they were stone faced and made her pay them money.

Any cars or people who do business have to pay an extortion fee to get in and out of communities like this. The gangs call them "impuestos" or taxes. Cabs and buses pay, the people who deliver water, soda, even Avon, all pay these fees in order to enter. My friend has always said she will never pay an extortion fee because she refuses to buy the bullets that will kill the people she loves. But now that it's actually happening, she's realizing it's not so cut and dry.

First they asked her for money for a Coke. She gave it to them. Yesterday they asked the boy who accompanies her for money. She had given him money to keep in his pocket for exactly that situation. He paid off the gang.

She thinks it is necessary for her to continue going into Los Pinos to make sure all of the kids are in school. I am encouraging her to ask the families to meet her at a church in a different sector. I hate the thought of her getting out of her car with bags of school supplies and uniforms. It makes her a prime target for more extortion, or worse.

It's tough for her to see things clearly since she is in the middle of the situation. She is thinking about the future of her ministry, the safety of the young man who always accompanies her, and the families she serves. To me, it feels like she is putting her personal safety last. Until now the gangs have let her go about her business. They have never been this aggressive with her in all of the years she has served in Los Pinos. She knew this was a possibility, but she never had to deal with it before.

I suggested that she take a break and give the gangs time to settle down. They are stressed out and on edge from the police operativos and turf fights with another gang. Maybe in a few weeks this will blow over and she can enter more safely.

She did say she will pray about if she really needs to go in, or if she just wants to. I pray God speaks clearly to her about that. There are other ways she can serve the people there while keeping herself and those she loves more safe.

After hearing all of this before noon, bed rest doesn't seem so bad today.

Good Friends

God has been spoiling me rotten lately. You know those days when you are able to really, truly sit back and relax because you know that He has everything under control? Ideally that's what we strive for every day, right? But many days I still try to manage things myself. Why? Because obviously I don't trust enough. Sometimes I think that God doesn't see the smaller things in my life. He's so busy, I believe he only has time for the really important stuff. Sometimes I lack faith. And I'm also a little bit of a control freak.

Today three of my friends from work came over. They called last night to say they were coming for lunch. I almost called the cleaning lady and asked if she could come early. I wanted everything to be perfect because they are all my bosses. One is the head of my community, another is the head of all of the communities, and the third is the assistant to our big boss. I didn't even invite them. They just said they were coming.

I didn't call the cleaning lady. She came an hour late, so I wished I had. But God had it covered. My friends called to say they were coming for dinner instead of lunch. We had lots of time to prepare. My house was sparkling clean when they got here.

First they made liquados - milkshakes with fruit and ice instead of ice cream. They brought eggs, hotdogs, plantains and beans for dinner. Honduran people deep fry their eggs in oil. It's not my favorite thing. Sometime I'll have to show them how I do it with a touch of butter and see what they say. The plantains were also fried. My tummy may take a while to recover. But it was so much fun!!!! We just laughed and laughed. They think I'm funny even when I don't think I'm funny at all. They discovered an app where you dance holding your telephone and the computer grades everyone. I couldn't dance, but at least I was out of my bed, sitting at the kitchen table for the first time since December 26th. I am grateful for their visit and their friendship.

In my last blog entry I wrote about my friend Ana who is always so thankful. A good friend (and blog reader) was moved to buy Ana a flat iron. She is one of the few visitors from the US who the kids and adults actually remember. Everyone likes to believe that the people here remember them. But the sad truth is, they don't. Sorry. They say we all look the same to them. Really, that's what they say. However, they do remember my friend's husband, which helps them remember her too. He sings beautifully. When he sings, the Holy Spirit takes ahold of the moment. It's unforgettable.

My coworkers told me exactly where I should go to get the best quality straightening iron for the best price. I have been doing some research online, and I know what she should get, but I'm going to tell Ana she needs to do some research herself before we go to the store. If she wants to cut and style hair, she needs to know when tools she is using. Ana is thrilled out of her mind that she will get a new flat iron once I am off bedrest. I am really excited too. Lately a lot of my friends/supporters have been blessing the people I serve. When I see the people around me blessed, I can't help but feel blessed too!

On Friday I started Spanish classes. The first one was free. When I tried to buy more online it wouldn't accept my credit card. It was frustrating! I was eager to get started and squeeze in as many classes as possible before I go back to work again. I called the office in California and left a message Friday. I also sent an IM. On Saturday I called and sent an email. On Monday their phone was disconnected, but I sent another email. I was ready to give up. I researched other online Spanish classes. But something told me to wait. Tuesday morning I got an email. The person remembered me from when I took classes in 2011. She said she would figure out payment later, but in the meantime I could schedule a class. Yesterday she sent me another email. She looked up my file. I have five classes already paid for from 2011! The price of the classes went up significantly since then, but my credits are still good!

As I thought back I realized that if my credit card had gone through on Friday as it should have, I never would have known. If I had switched to a different program, I would have missed out. Instead, God told me to wait it out and not to worry about time constraints. And now I get five "free" Spanish classes! I took one today. It was easy but the internet was messed up. My teacher is in Guatemala. We are both suffering through a horrible cold front with high winds that affect our internet connection. She ended up giving me another credit for our next class because we couldn't hear each other toward the end. But we did get to the point where I was finally learning something new. So now we are at a good place to start.

Yesterday was my Mom's birthday. I ordered flowers for her. (I had points on my credit card, so they were free to me, which was a bonus.) I thought she didn't have a very busy day on Wednesdays. Turned out I was mistaken. She volunteers all morning in the library and had to take a friend to run an errand in the afternoon. I almost asked if she could postpone her plans with her friend because I wanted her to be home when the flowers were delivered. In the end I decided not to ruin the surprise. I figured she'd enjoy the flowers more if she didn't know they were coming. If need be, she could get the flowers a day late. Then I prayed a lot. It's a silly thing to pray about - that your mom is home to get her birthday flowers. But I really did pray. And guess what? She did all of the things she had planned PLUS went out for a surprise birthday dinner AND she was at home to receive her flowers. God cares Mom being home to receive (free) flowers on her birthday.

I'm keeping a gratitude journal this year. I'm trying to limit each day to one topic only. Today I will be thankful for coworkers who are also friends. And who like to laugh. That's still one topic, right?

Ana's Flat Iron and Front Steps

I just had the best talk with my friend Ana. When I first got put on bedrest I was so bummed out. I talked to her on the phone and she pointed out that I should be grateful for a time of rest. Since that conversation all of the stress and frustration I initially felt is gone. I learned to appreciate this quiet time.

Ana is the most grateful person I know. She has very little, yet she is grateful for everything. Her faith is so deep that she even manages to be grateful for things yet to come!

Today she returned to the breakfast program where I used to serve, and where I met her. She has been the cook there for four years, feeding between 40-70 kids each day. She said the kids were really happy to see her. She wasn't able to serve in November or December because she had cancerous cells removed and had to take two months off per doctor's orders.

During that time, with help from her mother and her kids, she still made the snacks for Impacto Juvenil - the organization where I serve. She needs that income. Impacto Juvenil pays her a lump sum. Out of that money she has to make 75 snacks per week. In the end she only makes 5 Lempiras per snack - that comes out to $16.30 in weekly earnings to feed her family.

After the surgery for cancer the doctor said that she really needs another surgery. Her body was badly torn apart in childbirth but at the time the doctors didn't offer any follow up care. Ana said she knows she has had problems since her first child was born over 17 years ago.

The doctor who treated the cancer is from a better hospital. Soon she will get her reconstructive surgery.

While she was getting pre-surgery exams done this week she saw people around her who seemed really depressed. She gave them encouragement (like she did me when I was on bedrest) and told them, "Cheer up! I never thought I would own two packages of diapers for my daughter. But you know what! I did!!"

I've explained in this blog about how people here tend to buy what they need right now. Ana used to buy diapers for Isabela one by one from a corner store. Isa was severely allergic to cloth diapers. She had horrible red welts. Ana tried her best to keep Isa in disposable diapers. But she had never purchased a whole package of diapers before in her life. She never even dreamed of buying a package of diapers. It was all she could do to buy them one at a time.

One day, years ago, I was standing in the grocery store looking at diapers. I asked myself why in the world I was standing there in front of the diapers. I felt like I was supposed to buy some. At that time the only baby I knew in diapers was Isabela. Her mother had changed her in front of me and I had notices how red and raw she was. It realized God put me there to buy diapers for Isa.

Ana's family often goes hungry, so I asked God if He was sure I should buy diapers. Wouldn't food make more sense? It seemed odd! But God was telling me I was only supposed to worry about the diapers. So that's what I did.

To this day Ana is grateful for those diapers. She is telling strangers in the public hospital about it to encourage them to have faith. She's not talking about the days she didn't have food or clothes for her children. She is thankful for the days that she did!

In the same conversation Ana also shared her gratitude for the fact that her son will graduate this year and should be all set to study to be a pilot after graduation. She LOVES the beauty classes she receives through Impacto Juvenil. There is a special joy in her voice as she talks about what she has already learned and what she is looking forward to learning in 2017. She is already trained in manicures and pedicures. They will learn cuts, styling and makeup in 2017.

Her only concern is that her flat iron broke. Only one side heats up. She doesn't know how she will be a hair stylist in Honduras (where everyone wants "smooth" hair) without a straightening iron. She sent her straightening iron to be fixed, but the guy couldn't fix it. A new one costs two weeks salary.

The thing I am most grateful for is new front steps for Ana's house! Ana's house sits on the side of a mountain. Her front steps have been a hazard since I met her. They are tall and teetery. Twice that I am aware of (probably more), Isabela fell out of the house and landed on the ground because of those steps. Once she got a concussion. Ana has been praying and asking for help to buy cement for new steps for over six years. This year she will finally get her new steps! My coworker who is the leader of Impacto Juvenil in Los Pinos, told Ana that the steps will be the first community project of 2017. That makes me so happy!

Can you imagine sending your curling iron to be fixed? Can you imagine diapers being so far out of reach that you'd never dream of buying a whole package? Can you imagine waiting over six years and watching your kids get hurt, but not being able to build safe steps for the entry to your home? If you can't imagine these things, you're not alone. I can't either.

When I told Ana I thought six years was a long time to wait for those steps, Ana replied, "God's time is not like our time. We think in minutes or hours, days, weeks or even a year. But sometimes God's time is longer. We just have to be patient."  ♥  I love my faithful friend!

I am grateful that God gave me a friend who is so appreciative, who always sees the positive in things and never dwells on the negative. Ana has so much she could rightfully complain about. Her life is tough. Yet, through it all her attitude of gratitude is an inspiration.

Cold Front

I am getting more and more in tune with the weather patterns of Honduras. Yesterday a gusty wind blew in. I thought to myself, that doesn't sound like any old wind. That sounds like a cold front. I bet it will rain soon and stick around for a few days.

I was right. It got super cold. This morning was the coldest temperature I've ever experienced down here in the city. It must be freezing in the mountains! The wind is still gusting. Fany says her family in Guatemala are getting the same weather, only it's even colder.

My boss called to see how I'm doing. She talked to me about the bicycle race that our organization puts on each year. It's called "Coast to Coast" because they race from the North Shore of Honduras all of the way to the South Shore. It was created by my coworkers to bring awareness to problems within the educational system. They stop along the way to visit schools and give talks. Now hundreds of people come from all over the world to ride in the race.

My boss's husband is participating. She said the roads have 4 foot "wells" of water from the storm that is passing through. They expect the winds to remain gusty with heavy rains throughout the week. Not ideal for eight days of cycling.

On Friday night one of my coworkers died. I am hearing conflicting numbers regarding her age, but she was only a little older than me. She had a heart attack and left behind two young kids and her husband.

In Honduras when someone dies they hold a "valorio" (wake) immediately. It's usually open casket in the person's home. In this case she died at 11 p.m. They held the wake all day Saturday. Usually they would be buried the same day, but she was buried Sunday morning.

My coworkers stayed with the family for for almost 48 hours straight. We do the same if a family member of one of the kids in our clubs dies. We have a psychologist and the leader of the club stay with the family from the moment we are informed until after the person is buried.

Saturday the cleaning lady did come to my house. In fact she stayed all day. She brought me coffee from the factory where her husband works as a roaster. I don't have a coffee pot, and I can smell the bag of coffee from the kitchen into my bedroom. It's like torture! Hahaha!! She said next week she is going to bring a little strainer thing that Honduran people use to make individual cups of coffee. You just pour boiling water through it and wa-la! One day I may get fancy and buy a coffee press - once I can get out of bed.

Speaking of getting out of bed, I noticed Saturday evening that the pain in my ankle is no longer that burning, stabbing pain. It still hurts, but not as sharply. Saturday night I slept through the night for the first time in two weeks. Hurray! Yesterday I continued to feel good. I dumped a bag of beans into the crockpot, with chicken stock and some carrots that were already diced in my fridge for salads. Then added an onion and garlic. It was only a few minutes of standing and I got to smell the soup cooking all day. Last night Fany helped me add some turkey sausage. Now I have soup for a week!

(Stopped writing to take a shower)

I just fell down for the second time in the shower. At least this time I was showering. Last time I didn't even mean to go near the shower, I just kind of tipped over and fell in. I figure if I get all of my shower falls out of my system now, I won't have to worry about breaking a hip when I'm old. The bad news is, my ankle has a new tingly feeling it didn't have before. The good news is the cast is dry.

Fany learned yesterday that her husband's cousin is dying. The cousin is the one person in the world her husband, Santos, always counted on. The family has always joked that Santos and his cousin are much more like siblings that his true siblings. She went to a public hospital last week and learned that her body is full of cancer. Fany saw her last Tuesday. Between last Tuesday and Sunday she went downhill fast. This will be the first death that Laura will experience in her family. At five, she is beginning to understand about death.

I had a great first Spanish lesson Friday. But I haven't been able to pay for more classes. They have a PayPal link but my PayPal account is all messed up because I didn't set it up right. I've called and emailed the office for Spanish classes but they still haven't gotten back to me. It's odd. When I took lessons with them five years ago they responded immediately and always answered the phone. I hope to get the lessons set up soon. If not, I may have to pay a little more and go through a different program. The funny thing is, they have the same teachers, so I'll get the same class. It just costs more money.

No need to worry about me getting out of bed today. It's too cold! I'm very content staying cuddled up in bed with a good book, listening to the wind howl outside. Jetty agrees.