Visiting Hospital Escuela

Friday was the first time I have really been homesick.  I woke up at 5 a.m., which is my new routine, read a little, then fell back asleep.  When I woke up again my brother had posted a photo on FB of his back yard covered in snow.  A friend sent me a picture of the weather forecast predicting snow, and another friend said she had the first snow of the year at her house too.

Ever since I was little, I have loved the snow.  FB has an application which tells you what words you used most commonly in one year.  Mine were "love" and "snow".  Fitting.  I love to ski, I love to stay home and cook on snowy days, I love to sit and watch the snow blanket the earth around me.  I love to wake up to see everything white.  I love snow.

Honduras has two seasons - wet and dry.  The leaves don't change colors, even the temperature doesn't change much.  I noticed when fall came in the states and nothing changed here, that I use the seasons to mark time.  Without seasons my sense of time is off.  It will get a little bit colder here in November, December, and January.  But cold here is not very cold, except at night in the mountains.

So yesterday I was homesick, not for people, not for food, not for places, but for seasons.

Apparently Jose forgot to get dressed today

At the Breakfast Program they are practicing to perform again at church.  They will sing a cute song about faith the size of a mustard seed moving mountains.

Practicing with the morning group

Memo loves to sing.  Loudly!

The kids hung out and played because (surprise!) there was no school.  I know you are shocked.  Rumors are there will be no school on Monday.

Karla, Joss and Reyna (Walter's girlfriend) spent the day decorating the church.  Sunday will be another celebration of the 30th anniversary.  Last week after church we had a fish soup with crab and shrimp to raise money.  This week Lourdes is making her special rice dish.  Everyone is playing soccer all day Saturday, just to celebrate and have fun.  I think there are more than 10 teams signed up.

After the kids were served breakfast Lourdes asked if I would like to visit Clara in the hospital.  She has been there almost 3 weeks waiting for surgery.  I had a headache, but Lourdes was traveling by bus and I didn't want her to go alone.  Turns out Marlin was going too, but I also wanted to see Clara.  Lourdes' fibromyalgia has been painful lately, but she told me she is not going to talk about it any more.  She said she is going to get out of bed and do things.  So I really didn't want to complain about my headache.

We went to the hospital and found Clara to be doing well, in my opinion.  She is still in pain, but is given medicine for it.  She has a nice, clean room with a cool view of the city.  (The only thing I didn't particularly like was the funeral home across the street advertizing that it is open 24/7 with a display of caskets outside.)  But Clara seemed to be in good spirits.  We visited for a few hours.  As time went on, my headache became much stronger and I started having those flashes of lights that come with a migraine, then nausea.  I prayed, "God don't let me vomit in front of Clara."  God heard my prayer.

However, the Dr's came in as we were praying for Clara and everyone had to leave the room.  We went to the hall, which was packed full of all of the visitors from other rooms.  Suddenly I couldn't see straight and I couldn't stand.  I thought I was going to pass out.  I looked quickly for a nearby bathroom, but didn't see one.  So I turned to Lourdes and told her I was going to vomit as I slumped down to the floor.  She said we have to get you outside, but we were on the fourth floor.  We opened the door into the stairway and the smell and the noise of people made me feel more sick.  I told her I can't make it down the stairs.  I was walking like a drunk.  Then we saw another hallway with some windows.  I headed for the open windows and made it just in time.  I turned to Marlin and said I am going to vomit. Then I leaned out the window.  Luckily it was just roofs below.  No people.  But the hall was full of people sitting in chairs watching the whole thing.  Lourdes showed up quickly with a garbage can and turned me around  to face it.  Marlin held my hair.  I was sweaty and cold - you know how that feels.  And I threw up my oatmeal in front of 20 people who were all seated facing me.  The day before I had told Lourdes that in all of my time here, I have never had stomach problems.  This was caused by the migraine, but...

Afterward I felt better and told them I could walk, but as time went by the nausea came back.  We said good bye to Clara and by the time we got to the street I was really worried about taking the bus.  I didn't have the strength to stand as we waited, but I knew Lourdes would not want me to sit on the dirty sidewalk, so I squatted in the busy city street.  Bus after bus passed us by but none were going our way.  I would try to stand up again, but it made me more nauseous, so I returned to squatting.  Lourdes kept looking at me and finally she said, we are going to take a taxi.  I thought Hooray!  If I get sick, we can ask the taxi to pull over!

We made it back to the church with me sticking my head out the window.  Jairo invited me to dinner at their house, but I was still too nauseous to eat and to weak to want anything but my bed.  They all discussed that I had probably been overwhelmed by the sights and smells of the public hospital, which frustrated me.  The hospital was fine!  I had a migraine.  I went home and went to bed, but was shivering and sweaty.  I pried myself out of bed long enough for a hot shower on my sore muscles, then went back to bed.

This morning I still have a little headache.  It is worse if I move around.  And I'm dehydrated, but otherwise I'm fine.  Jairo called to ask me to come play football with everyone from the church.  I don't think he understands migraines because he told me everyone was having fun and running around.  It was so noisy in the background I could barely hear him.  I told him that I need to rest and he seemed disappointed.  Standing on a noisy soccer field with people yelling and cheering would not be best for me today.  I am disappointed too.  I hope I feel better for the anniversary celebration tomorrow.

Today I am going to sleep.

Seasons

Missing the change of seasons.  Don't know if this helps, or makes it more painful.  Check out this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=der-21wmIjw

Headline News

Every day Jairo stops and gets the newspaper at the same little newsstand at the bottom of the hill.  Lourdes holds up the front page and we all look at it.  Today Jairo explained to me that yesterday alone, 80 more people were killed from drug trafficking, gangs and violence.  So far this week 3 more judges were killed, in addition to the 8 that were killed last week.  One had his car stolen and was driving around, looking for the stolen car in a neighborhood that is gang infested, where he never should have gone.  He was shot dead.

I should start reading the newspaper.  But I don't know if I can handle it.  I read about fútbol, but to be honest I try to avoid the hard core news.  I used to watch the news on TV.  Now I prefer to live in ignorance and stay inside my little shell where I am safe and happy.

Today on the way home we came from a different direction.  Jairo stopped at the pulperia on the corner for me.  I meet him on that corner every morning as he and Lourdes drive by on their way to church.  I needed to buy big bottle of water and this way he could drive it to my house in the van.  As we drove away from the pulperia he was still looking over his shoulder at the people inside.  I said, "That place sure is crowded today.  Usually there are not so many people in there."  He told me, "Those are bad men.  They are bad."  I hadn't really looked at the men.  I was more concerned about exchanging my empty bottle for a full bottle of water and getting the change back in a crowd of people.  I didn't look at who the people were.  I won't go to that pulperia alone any more.  I don't usually go there anyway.  There is a new one closer to my house and I really like the people who own it, so I try to always give them business.  But the pulperia up on the corner was the one that Jairo recommended to me six months ago when I first moved here.  Things are changing.  Not for the better.

Just so you know, those people cannot come into my community.  That pulperia is outside of the guarded gates.  Here is a picture of the front wall, so you can understand why we had such a hard time breaking in the other day.

The smaller door on the left leads to the patio. The bigger doors open to the driveway.

Two coils of barbed wire on top

October is the 30th anniversary of Iglesia en Transformación.  Today I got this shirt, key chain and pen.  We'll sell the shirts this weekend at church.

Good news about Pat Pike.  His health has been steadily improving over the past week.  We can be grateful but still continue to pray.  His recovery will be lengthy.

An Average Day at the Breakfast Program

Eggs, sausage, beans, cheese and tortillas!  Que Rico!

Jarvin and Elvin (aka Nino, aka Alejandro)
They LOVE the elephant game!

Belkis builds pretty houses

Proud of completing Lightning McQueen puzzle

Violet covered in cake

Today we had visitors from another church.  As I talked with them in the afternoon one of the women broke into tears.  She apologized for crying but said she was overwhelmed by the beauty of the Breakfast Program and the children - especially the little ones!  (Guess who I get to work with!?!)

It was a day like any other, but every day is beautiful here.

The Water Man Got Me Again!

I thought today was off to a good start.  I got the garbage out for myself as well as Fany and her family before 6:30 and I had a plan.  I closed all of the windows in the back of the house, so when the water man came by, I would hear him loudest from the front of the house.

After dashing down the driveway and opening the front gate to find nobody there three times, I realized the new plan did not work.  I had one Nalgene of water to brush my teeth and give to the cat, but otherwise I was high and dry.  I decided to wait and fill up the water on the way to church.  So I laid down to rest for a while, taking the keys out of my pocket.  And then I hear him.  This time I know he is outside the gate.  I lept from the bed, put on my flip flops with the thong between the wrong toe and ran outside.  I purposely slammed the screen door, thinking he would hear it, and charged down the driveway yelling "Water here!" in Spanish.  I opened the gate and couldn't believe it.  Nobody was there.  So I stepped out to look around.  And just as the huge metal door clanked shut, I remembered my keys were in the house.

The water man was down the hill a little ways, so I got my water and tried climbing on top of the bottle, explaining that I had locked myself out.  He took pity on me and climbed up in several places where I was insisting he could get over the barbed wire.  But each time he climbed back down, saying he could not get through.  (My house is fencend in with a tall wall, about 15 feet, topped with coils of barbed wire like a high security prison.)  I was frustrated, thinking I could get over the darn barbed wire if I could only climb up there.  I imagined myself with cuts on my legs and ripped clothing, but at that point it seemed like the only solution.  He tried to rouse the neighbors to see if we could get in from their yard, but they had a party last night which went late and nobody was awake yet. 

Finally he said he would wait with my water and I should go to the guards and ask for a ladder.  So I ran in my sweat pants and tee shirt, with my hair uncombed and my teeth unbrushed, through the neighborhood, feeling terrible that I was holding up the poor water guy.  The guards didn't have a ladder, but my taxista was there, sitting at his car.  I went to him and told him what happened.  The guards came over and told me that he is safe to talk to, but I really shouldn't go around asking for help from people I don't know.  I told them I know him!  They said yes, he is a good man.  Then the guards asked if I had passed the workers in a blue truck with a ladder.  I had no idea what they were talking about, but Gracias a Dios (thank God) the guards spotted the workers down at the end of the street with FOUR ladders!

I ran down the street, by now sweaty and feeling like an idiot, and explained I had locked myself out of my house, could I use a ladder to get inside.  The taxista followed me each step of the way - he is so good to me!  I think he is my special Honduran angel from God because he keeps me safe a lot.  The workers took down the ladder they were using and they all piled into the work truck.  I ran ahead to relieve the water man from his duties of guarding my water.  He refused to accept any money for his time and help.  Then I ran back to make sure the workers knew where to go.  I showed them my gate.  It's not really a gate.  It's a big metal door in a huge metal wall.

They put up the ladder, then stood below assessing if the barbed wire was electrified.  Finally they decided it wasn't and two of them climbed up.  They were up there a while, trying to figure out how to get over the barbed wire.  With help, one climbed over.  That was scary to watch.  I was okay with covering myself in blood, but not some poor stranger.  Then the other helped lower him to the ground.  I don't think anyone will be breaking into my house anytime soon.  But Jairo did point out that now they know that there is a gringa alone in that house and they know how to get in.  He said it will be interesting to see what happens in the next three months.  I hope we don't get robbed because I was dumb and left my keys inside!

I was sooooo happy when the gate clicked open and I was able to go in.  One of the men carried my water to the doorstep.  I had asked the taxista how much to pay them for their help, so I asked him to wait outside, then ran in to grab some money.  He didn't look at it, but stuck it in his pocket.  What an experience!  I never want that to happen again!!!

When I passed the guards to go to the church they were all concerned about how I was doing, if I was more relaxed now, and if I were from Spain???  I told them no, I am a gringa.

Jairo took me to visit the attorney for my residency.  Once I get all of the paperwork from the US, the process is easy.  The attorney will do all of the work.  Jairo and I just have to show up at some building on the 18th of every month to show them my papers have been submitted for residency and they will give me month to month permission to stay until my residency is granted.  In total it will cost $1500.  Oh boy.  That is a lot of money.  Luckily it is a one time thing.  After that if I spent the rest of my life here I will never have to pay a penny.

Iglesia en Transformación has to write a letter that they are responsible for me in every way - for my behavior, for my health, even for my finances!  I have to have a Dr sign a special form that I am healthy.  Also we have to go through Interpol.  I don't know exactly what Interpol is, but I know it is something important.

Jairo said he is really happy that we are using a lawyer to do this.  He had to help someone with this process once before and it was a horrible experience.  He told me not to worry about the money because I have a rich Father.  Then he looked upward and prayed to my rich father.  So I prayed too.  $1500 is a lot of money for us, but he is very relaxed about it.

Also we learned I can drive with my US drivers license until I get residency.  Neither Jairo or I are very comfortable with that.  It is legal, but the cops can harass me if they want to.  Jairo told me NEVER to give police my license if I have an encounter with them, because the police can take it and claim they never had it, then sell it.

It was nice to have time with Jairo.  I haven't spent time with him in a while.  He is actively looking for a car for me.  He found two nice ones so far, but was not comfortable with the people who were selling them when he tried to negotiate.  He has all of his friends looking for a car for me, but wants it to come from someone who they know and feel comfortable dealing with.  I asked him to have them keep an eye out for a fridge too, and told him I appreciate all of the time and effort he is putting into getting me the right car.

Jairo saved an article for me to read.  It is about the fact that Honduras is the most dangerous place on earth right now.  The article also talked about the "Death Triangle" formed between El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras.  He said nobody realizes that often he has information that we are not even aware of.  I told him that I believe it is very dangerous here, but it is hard for me to fully understand because I never personally see it.  It is because of Jairo that I am sheltered.  I am grateful for that.  But I don't have a realistic idea of what is happening in this country.  He asked if I am aware how many journalists and lawyers have been killed in the past week here.  I am not.  He asked if I have noticed we don't always go the most direct routes to get places, and there are some areas we don't visit at all.  This is because we stick to main roads that are most safe.  I never know these things.

Jairo said there are times when he comes down from his office and has to make everyone leave the church.  Sometimes he said he has to be really pushy to get everyone to go, but that it is because he has been given information that something bad is about to happen.  He has to make sure that everyone is at home, safe in their houses.  We are always oblivious to this, although now I can think of sometimes that we left quickly and unexpectedly.  I just figured something came up.  Now I  remember times when Jairo comes down from his office and does a special whistle, then goes and sits in the car waiting for us to pile in.  I always try to do what Jairo asks, but from now on when he comes down from his office and tells us all to get in the car I won't stop to fill my water or go to the bathroom.  I'll get straight into the car so we can go!

We got back from the lawyer's office just in time for a conference about domestic violence and what we, as women, can do about it.  A woman from Alexandria, Virginia was the presenter.  I got up and spoke voluntarily in front of the group.  Lourdes stood next to me to translate if I needed her.  I think I did pretty well.  I spoke in Spanish and looked at her to make sure I was saying things right.  She had to correct me a few times and say parts of some sentences, but Spanish is getting more and more natural for me.  (I talk to my cat in Spanish most of the time now.)  I didn't feel nervous speaking in front of the ladies.  But I also felt like I was really supposed to speak at that point, so that might have helped me feel more comfortable.

It was a long day, with some tough situations, but it all turned out great in the end.

Dia de la Biblia

I could not sleep last night so when Lourdes called this morning to give me a heads up that we are going to church early and asked how I'm doing, the words "I'm tired," slipped out before I could catch myself.  She spends days and days at a time with no sleep.  Trouble sleeping is one of the symptoms of fibromyalgia and it hits her hard.  I felt bad complaining about one night of poor rest to Lourdes.

I decided to wash my hair before church.  There was a huge pitcher of bottled water I had set aside for that purpose.  It was full of ants this morning.  As far as I know, ants won't damage hair and I didn't have time to be picky so I started to wash with the ant water.  Then I spilled the whole pitcher on the floor.  Almost a full gallon of water wasted and no time to clean it up before church.

Church was fun.  The kids got up and sang their song.  There were about 40 representing the Breakfast Program.  Not a bad turnout.  They sang really well and sat quietly before and after.  I was proud of them.  Lorenzo sat behind me so I had a hand petting my arm for much of the service.  Sweet Lorenzo.  I think having my arm petted by anyone else would be annoying.

The owner of the house in the mountains was at church.  I spoke with her quite a bit.  She said that she wants to be sure I understand I am responsible for my cat.  She worries her dogs might attack Jetty if Jett gets outside.  I told her I don't think it will be a problem (Jett can handle her business).  I will keep Jett inside and be responsible if she does get out.  I am more worried about how Jett will get up the spiral staircase.  I really don't know if she can do it!  We'll see.  It's a tiny house, but so cute.  I think I will like it there.  I am really happy get out of the city.

We talked about the price of rent.  It is more than I hoped, but when I told Jairo the price he said the owner is giving me a REALLY good deal.  He said the rent much cheaper than he expected.  That made me feel better.  The owner also asked me why I am in Honduras.  When I told her I believe I was called by God to be here she didn't ask me to elaborate.  She said that was all she needed to know.  She said she wants the house to have peace and love inside.  That short answer was enough to make her feel comfortable with me living there.

I like the fact that she is very up front.  I told her I will need to give my current landlord notice that I am moving out, so as soon as she has an idea about when the house will be ready please let me know.  She said she thinks the house will be ready at the end of October, but she will know more at the end of this week.  That was a big surprise!  I have to get a fridge and several other things before I can really live there.  Last I knew she was hoping to be done by Christmas, so I was not expecting this.  She said she will let me use her gas stove.  Hurray!  One less expense for me to cover and I love gas stoves.  I am getting excited about living up in the mountains.

I might miss this house.  It has been such a nice home for me.  I have loved this house since the moment I walked in.  The one in the mountains is much different.  I hope I am as happy there.  Since it is so close to the rain forest and significantly colder, drying laundry will be even harder than it is here.  I will be so happy when I get my dryer in the shipment from the US in March or April!

After church Jose and Karla took me to look for the swing set.  I did as Lourdes asked, taking pictures of the swing sets I thought would be good.  Next thing I knew I was in trouble with security!  Apparently you can't take photos of swing sets inside stores in Honduras.  I explained what I was doing - that people from the US want to send money to buy the swing set for my church.  They all consulted with each other and allowed me to finish taking photos as long as I was accompanied by the manager.  I was glad Karla and Jose were there because it was a little scary.

Tonight a friend from SLC was chatting with me on FB.  She has had a difficult time understanding why I would want to move to Honduras, but I think she understands better now.  I was talking to her about all of the moving costs I am worried about.  She asked for the link where she can donate.  A few minutes later she came back on line and said that she made a donation which she hopes will help toward a refrigerator   I am so grateful!  Thank you Jessica Turco  :)  Hopefully I won't grind my teeth as much tonight.  That was a super sweet surprise.

I am nervous about moving to a more expensive place when I am barely making ends meet now.  But Lourdes and Jairo are talking me through it and helping me to live more in faith.  I came here 6 months ago as a step of faith.  I was FAR from being funded.  As of this moment everything has fallen into place beautifully.  It hasn't been easy, but it has all been good.  It feels to all of us that this move the the mountains is the right thing.  If God wants me there, He will provide.

Saturday

Today is Saturday.  I slept late since I've been averaging 5-6 hours during the week.  This is my one day to sleep in so let's just say, I took advantage of it!

After getting the laundry started I ran down to the pulperia, hoping to buy broccoli and garlic but they didn't get any broccoli today.  However, I did learn that I can pay all of my bills there from now on.  Normally everyone has to go to the bank to pay for water, electricity, and even cable.  Now I can pay bills just down the street any day between 8 a.m. and 10 p.m.  I think my neighbors, Fany and Santos, will be so excited to hear this too.  They spend hours in line at the bank.

Since I won't be home for any meals Monday or Tuesday, and we are having a fundraiser lunch after church tomorrow, I was hoping to avoid the weekly trip to the super.  But neither of the pulperias on my street had enough fresh veggies for me to make it through the week.  So I hung up the laundry, hoped the storm clouds weren't going to let loose before I returned, and made my weekly trip to the super.  This time I asked the taxista to wait, since I only needed a few things.  Usually he leaves and returns in an hour.

When we got home the laundry was not dry, but the clouds were still holding back the rain.  I cooked some pasta with spicy sausage - something I never would have chosen to cook in the US.  It was tasty!  Then I sent out letters to a few people asking if they can help out with financial support and letting them know the latest news in Honduras.  I got permission from K2, my church in the US, to put my sofa, washer, dryer, dishes and various other things into a big tractor trailer size container with the donations they are shipping here.  That will be nice!!!

Last night I washed my hair.  It was only the second time I've used bottled water because I am trying to wash and even to comb my hair as minimally as possible.  I am still losing a LOT of hair.  I hope this changes soon because it is bumming me out.

Tomorrow will be a long day at church.  The kids at the Breakfast Program will sing a song we have been practicing for weeks.  After the service we will have a luncheon to raise money for the women's conference which is in a few weeks.  Lourdes asked yesterday if I am interested in taking voice lessons at the church on Saturdays.  I told her I would love to take voice lessons, but I don't think I should commit to spending 7 days/week at the church.  I need to have one day away from the church to maintain some balance in my life.

Noodles and Toothpaste

Feels like I have a million things to remember to write!

We have had a really busy week.  I keep thinking I'll be able to do laundry tomorrow, but we keep getting home right as it gets dark.  This morning was exciting.  All of the hard work by the men on Tuesday and Wednesday paid off.  The front entrance was wide enough and we received our first big container of donations.  It is a box carried on the back of a tractor trailer.  I wasn't able to see how they got the container off the truck, but I did hear it land with a thud that sounded like a plane breaking the sound barrier.  Lourdes and I both hoped everyone was safe after hearing that sound!

No school again today and rumor has it no school on Monday either.  Ugh!  These kids are missing out on so much of the education they are entitled to!  But the Breakfast Program continues to grow.  This week we gave out girls underwear sets on Tuesday and clothes for boys on Wednesday.  Tuesday and Thursday the psychologist came.  She has finished the section on self esteem and is now talking about the basics of sexuality.  Lourdes encouraged her to speak very strongly to the kids when she gets into more detail.  Right now a couple of the teens are going a little loco.  We have some raging hormones at the Breakfast Program. Lourdes is talking with them individually.  Usually the talks go well.  Some of the girls end up mad.  We have our hands full.  Thank God for Lourdes!

Jairo has been working on my residency.  I have to meet with a lawyer Monday about it.  They need my birth certificate and social security card.  I am VERY nervous about the idea of mailing those documents.  I've been checking into costs to cross the border into Costa Rica to get my passport stamped.  Then I'll be all set until I fly back to the US in December for Christmas.

I have been worried about $ lately.  I have to buy a ticket to get back to Honduras after Christmas.  Everything I found was close to $800.  I do not have $800 to buy a ticket to come back here after Christmas.  I know somehow I will come up with it, and I am praying about it, but since I am not fully funded, I was not able to set aside the money I need to come back.  So I have a ticket home on December 20th and I am praying God will provide me with a ticket to come back!

I do have faith.  This week God has done some cool things.  On Wednesday we had 83 kids and it was almost straight from the bible, how that pot of spaghetti with meat sauce stretched to feed those kids.  We still don't know how that happened from a human perspective.  Then yesterday I told Lourdes that we are almost out of toothpaste.  She said don't worry, God provides for the Breakfast Program.  She was right.  We were cleaning a few hours later and found toothpaste!  I have never been so thrilled to see a tube of toothpaste in my life :)

Monday and Tuesday will be long days, but I am looking forward to it.  Jairo invited me to join a group small group of women for a conference on those days from 4-8pm.  I am excited to go.  It is about how to provide spiritual healing to others.  I studied how to help people receive God's healing while I lived in Salt Lake.  It will be interesting to learn a new perspective.  Apparently the teacher is from the US.  I am so grateful for these opportunities to learn.  I also am grateful that Jairo allows me the time to take advantage of the opportunities.  In the US I had to say no to a lot of interesting things because they conflicted with my work schedule.  Now, learning these interesting things is part of my work.  Pretty awesome.

This weekend I Lourdes assigned me some homework.  I'm a little stressed about it because I don't have a car, but I hope Karla or Jose can help me.  I have to price out and take photos of swing sets.  A church in the US wants to donate money for a swing set.  Since it will be for the preschool kids, I am in charge of researching it.  My neighbors suggested so places to check, but I still have to beg rides from someone.

I baked broccoli and garlic Wednesday night with olive oil, salt and pepper.  It was so yummy and my house smelled like home.  I haven't filled my house with the smell of garlic since I got here.  Shame on me for waiting so long.  Now all I can think about is that broccoli.  It will be the first thing I buy tomorrow.

October marks the 30th anniversary for the church.  We are doing special activities all month.  They know that I am athletic.  Today they asked me to join a soccer team for the church.  I can't play soccer.  Especially not like Central Americans play soccer.  They were born playing soccer and have played all of their lives.  I know I should just play, but I am so competitive!  I don't want to do something if I can't do it well.  Plus there's a talent show.  I can't think of anything to do for a talent.  I know I need to be a part of these things.  I think it is important to take part in church activities.  But I am afraid I will embarrass myself!

I was talking with my neighbor Fany and her sister tonight.  I told them how my hair is falling out, but that I may have found the solution by using bottled water.  The sister kind of giggled.  I said, "I know, I am a very special gringa."  She said, "No, you are an expensive gringa."  I told her if I have to wash my hair with drinking water forever, she is right.  Another thing I could have never thought to include in my budget.

Pat Pike, my friend in the US, is still on a crazy roller coaster ride with health problems.  He has not been doing well for the past three days.  The kids are writing cards for him and they say they are praying for him at home, as well as at the Breakfast Program.  Yesterday, Lourdes said that for the first time she feels really worried.  Pat was supposed to be almost completely recuperated by now and instead he is getting weaker and weaker.

It has been nice to get to know some people from K2 a little better through this whole experience with Pat.  The other day I told one of them the story about how God made sure there were exactly enough noodles of spaghetti to feed each of the 83 kids at the Breakfast Program.  I said if God cares about the number of noodles in a pot, he certainly cares immensely for Pat.  God's even looking out for our toothpaste.

LOTS of great news!

Today was awesome! First I had TWO English students today. Finally the kids are bringing their homework for me to help them! Then I was invited to join the bible study with my friend Marlin and 3 other ladies Lourdes is mentoring. Lourdes had thought it was too easy for me and would be boring, but I think now it is more about the companionship of the other ladies. They are from Los Pinos, but they are used to me so I don't think they feel intimidated to speak out if I am in the group. That was my concern initially.

Also, Pat went from HORRIBLE last night - Drs from infection control were arguing with Pat's Dr that he needed surgery immediately.  Pat's Dr did not want to do another surgery with Pat being so weak.  Pat was back on the respirator with the O2 at 100% but still not getting enough O2 last night. This morning his white blood cell count fell so significantly that the Drs all agreed surgery is not necessary. By this afternoon he was completely off the respirator!!!!

Lourdes invited me to get a special hair treatment, with a special conditioner that they leave in for an hour and then a blow out. I was afraid of the blow out since all of my hair is falling out. When the lady put in the conditioner she told Lourdes that she was being really gentle, but my hair was still falling out in handfulls. She asked if I was under stress. I said I don't think so. I am using the same shampoo as in the US and I have been losing hair by the handfull for 6 weeks. Now I can feel the sun on my scalp because my hair is so thin.  Later I realized, yes, I am stressed, but only because of my stupid hair falling out! I am taking vitamins and eating eggs and beans, like I read on the internet. Just recently I noticed that my scalp is also tender. It actually hurts.  It reminded me of how the grandmothers on the West Side of Chicago used to say the kids were "tender headed" if they complained while getting their hair pulled tight into braids.  I am a tender headed white girl at this point.

Lourdes said the water here has a lot of chlorine. That really felt like the answer. If the water has a lot of chemicals, then my head would feel tender and my hair would fall out. All of the other things (washing with warm water, diet, etc.) just didn't feel like the cause. I have washed my hair with hot water all of my life. In fact, the water here is much cooler than what they would use in the US at a salon. That can't be the cause.  Also the hair dresser said I should not be putting the conditioner on my roots. I've done that all of my life too.  If the conditioner is supposed to have special vitamins to keep my hair from falling out, what good does it do if I don't put it on the roots? Anyway, I know it is so silly, but please pray that my hair stops falling out. I will start using the bottled water tomorrow. Or maybe even tonight because my scalp really hurts.

Apparently I am a delicate gringa. I hate it when I have to do weird things like wash my hair differently from everyone else.  And now I will have to chase down the illusive water man even more often.  Wish me luck!

The other good thing is that I received the water fountain for Jett today. Mom mailed it way back on  August 23. It is finally here! Yay!!! It works fine. Everyone who was there when Walter Z brought it to the church thinks I am insane. They have never heard of a litter box, never mind a water fountain! Hopefully they will find these odd things entertaining and not think that I am a needy gringa.

Today Lourdes and Jairo told me there will be a big "container" coming from the US in January.  If I want to have anything sent in the container, just make a list!  I am thinking of sending my washer, dryer, and maybe my sofa, depending on how close I am to being fully funded.  (Last month somehow I was $400 short!)  I don't want to have all of the things I would need to start a home in the US moved here if I might not be able to stay.  But don't worry.  I am not planning to leave.  I am just trying to think realistically.  If I have those things sent here, I need to be sure that I'll be here a while.  Having those things would sure make it easier to live in the house in the mountains!  I would only have to buy a fridge.  Everything else I could have shipped from the US!  It will be very interesting to see where I am living in a few months.  At least I have options and a safe place to stay in the meantime.

They are so sure this delivery is coming from the US that today they paid a man to dig up all of the ground around the entrance of the church with some sort of big backhoe thing.  They even dug up the sidewalk, so now it is flat and wide enough for the truck with the container to enter.  I think by "container" they mean something that fits on the back of a tractor trailer.  They took the dirt they removed from the side of the mountain at the front of the church and moved it to the back to make a flat place for the container to sit.  They are talking about making a flat space for the kids to play fútbol too.  The kids would LOVE to have a real fútbol field!  I'll let you know how things proceed tomorrow with that.

Visited the mountain house

I finally got to see the house up in the mountains today and I have to say, I was disappointed.  I was not disappointed in the house.  It was so cute!  It has a balcony and a spiral staircase.  I was disappointed that for some reason, I can not feel or imagine myself living in the house.  So strange.  I want to live in the mountains.  The house is really nice.  Why can't I feel myself living there?  Hmmm.  We'll see...

Maybe I'll end up there and surprise myself.  If so, I won't be sad or disappointed.  I'll be thrilled to live in the mountains!  I can only say it didn't feel like home to me.  The house where I live now felt like home the second I entered.  Maybe it's because this place was more furnished.  I don't think so.  Maybe it's because I am VERY worried about being able to afford living in that house, so I might be scared to get attached to it.  That could be it.  Who knows.

I just got notice that a package is here for me.  I am really hoping that it is a fountain my Mom sent for my cat.  She is finicky.  She only likes aerated water.  She is having some health problems because she is not drinking as much water as she should.  I have to keep a blanket that is quick and easy to wash covering my bed because she has been vomiting on the bed at 5 a.m.  It took 32 days for the package to get here, if it is the fountain.

Today we instituted a day of fasting and prayer for Pat Pike.  He was not doing well all weekend.  He doesn't seem to be doing well today.  He is barely responsive and back on a ventilator.

The preschool class went very well today!  We had eleven kids, which can sometimes be harder to manage.  The three new kids from last week all came back!  For the second time, Violet didn't cry!  And today Cindy didn't hide.  There was no hitting.  The only thing I had to prompt about was not to do summersaults in the classroom.  They had a good lunch of beans, eggs and tortillas.  We read a story about God creating the world.  They really loved it and were so engaged that we ended up discussing the story until they were late to eat.  Usually they listen for the older kids to wash their hands outside the classroom and then they all want to eat.  Not today!  We didn't even have time for our "classroom time" today.  I told them we will do the classroom stuff on Wednesday and they were excited.

The president gave an ultimatum to school teachers.  Anyone who doesn't show up to work will not be paid.  Our kids did not have classes.  I was surprised.  Do the teachers want their job?

Kebelin had English homework today and she needed help.  I was so happy that she felt comfortable asking for help!  She is one of the cleanest kids in the program and she has lice.  If she has lice, probably all of the kids do.  That does not keep me from keeping up on my daily hugs with Lorenzo.  We had some good hugs today.  However, it does make me inwardly grimace when one of the kids puts their hoody over my head.  I'm thinking before I leave, I will end up with lice at some point.  I've never lived in a place where people sit around and pick the lice out of the kids' hair.  Don Juan does it and the mothers do it to their own children as well as others' kids.  I hate to admit I am still not quite comfortable with picking lice out of childrens' hair.  I'll let you know if that changes.

Mark this day on your calendar

Lourdes is walking a lot better, thank God.  The teachers refused to teach today, so schools were closed.  That means we only had one group of kids.  The preschool class was really small, which was nice because we practiced using scissors and they needed a lot of individual attention.  Three of the kids are new this week, two siblings and a cousin.  It is exciting to have new kids at the Breakfast Program.  Especially when they return consistently and then bring a cousin!  They seem to be really nice kids, well behaved and smart.  I told them I hope they will come back next week and they all said they will.  Hope so!

Today was special for another reason too.  I told Lourdes that we have to mark it on a calendar.  Today was the first day that Violet came to class and did not cry.  Usually she screams at the top of her lungs the whole time.  Today she was perfect.  I have no idea why, but she said she will be good on Monday too.  We'll see.

Later this afternoon I learned that it is The International Day of Peace.  In the class I had talked with Violet and some of the other students about how peaceful and calm our class was today.  Later I joked with Lourdes and Violet's mother that Violet was calm for class in recognition of The International Day of Peace. It sure is nice when she is not screaming.

Joss came to the church after swimming in an olympic length pool today.  She said she would love me to come with her.  It is $20/month, so I hope that once I get a car Lourdes, Joss and I can all get memberships and swim.  Lourdes is supposed to swim for her fibromyalgia and I am dying for a safe place to exercise.  This seems perfect.  I'm hoping it will work out for all of us.

Jairo invited me to attend Ethel's birthday party.  Ethel is the head of all the Elders at the church.  Jairo said it was only going to be Ethel's family and the other elders.  It ended up to be close to 50 people, but it was nice.  I got to dress up for the first time since I got here, which was fun.

I also got to speak to Hermida, who may be my future landlord.  She and her husband are building what the people here call and "apartment" on their property.  It is really a full separate house, but intended for rental purposes. They will rent it now, then live there when their kids have grown up and move out.  They are putting in lots of details, but need some time and money to complete it.  I will go check it out on Monday.  I keep hearing great things about the home.  It has a balcony off the bedroom with an incredible view and a spiral staircase!  Plus hot water.  Hot water has it's pro's and con's.  I'll have a much higher electric bill, but I'll also have hot water to wash dishes (which I really don't care about any more since I've never been sick washing with cold) and adjustable hot water in the shower instead of a heater attached to the shower head which puts out really hot water when the shower pressure is low, and luke warm water when the water pressure is high.  Water pressure changes all of the time here, depending on the weather, literally, and whether the city turns on the water.  If it were my choice, I would skip the hot water to save money and put a heater on the shower head.  But they are thinking about the house as a place where they will want to live.

I also learned that I will have to pay more for rent.  I wasn't surprised.  I'm not sure how much it will be, but the area itself and the nice house are both reasons for higher rent.  Hermida told me that we both need to pray about this.  I told her I will.  As soon as I got home I received a message that a friend would like to have information about how to make a financial donation!  I took this as a sign that I am on the right path, even if it is a more expensive one.  Moving to this house has felt right since Jairo first mentioned it.  I am excited, despite feeling financially pressed.

I can't believe it is Friday already.  At dinner tonight I was talking to Walter's girlfriend, Reyna, and Joss about how time flies by so quickly for me here.  It seems like it should be Wednesday, not Friday.  I like weekdays for the first time in my life.  Weekends are good too, but not as good as being at the Breakfast Program.  I am looking forward to Monday already!

Into the mind of an artist

Today Lourdes made it back to the breakfast program.  She is clearly in a lot of pain and is having a hard time even walking.  I don't like seeing her like this.  Her mother and brother were also in the car when Jairo and Lourdes picked me up.  We headed off toward the church, but at the main intersection we turned the wrong way.  Then we pulled into a gas station, but instead of getting gas we sat there.  I had no clue what we were doing, but I don't ask.  I usually try to go along for the ride and enjoy things as they come.  This was a really cool surprise!

Finally a lady with a strange eye and lots of eye shadow came along.  She climbed into the van and greeted everyone cheerfully and loudly.  She chatted non-stop except when she remembered to give Jairo directions, which has not consistent.

We went through a few city roads then onto dirt roads and up a very steep hill.  Nestor and I were happy the van was strong enough to get up there.  Finally the woman told Jairo to pull over after the red pick up truck. She hopped out, told us all to come, and opened up a metal gate.  Lourdes said she wanted to wait in the car since her back was hurting.  Turned out that was a good choice because we were about to enter a world of tiny stone stairs that have been there for many years.  Instead of a house, behind the gate were these rock stairs.  At that point I didn't expect those stairs to be the widest, safest part of our journey.

When I got to the foot of the stairs I looked around.  My eyes didn't know where to land!

A village of little houses in the process of being painted:

Or my favorite, a big house with a tree:

And then we came upon the rooms of animals:

Deer

Elephants

A room of wood work

A space that overlooked the city which was full of plants.
I found out at this point that we are here because this place is owned by the cousin of two girls who attend the breakfast program.  He wants to donate plants to the church, to Lourdes and Jairo, to the church in La Tigra, and to Lourdes' mother!

Over the plant beds you can see the entire city and the mountains beyond

Then we took more pictures, just for fun.

Nestor and a serpent

Watch out for that tongue!

Elephants

Jairo and the artist with a horse, elephant, snake giraffe and at deer in the back

We ascended the stairs

Some final works of art on the way out the door

They gave me a whole bag of gifts!
Now I have a village with a giant pink flamingo in my kitchen.

At the breakfast program the kids were all circled up when we arrived.  There was an empty seat next to Lorenzo.  He and the boy next to him were preparing to concentrate for prayer by putting their heads down on their lap, so he didn't see me as I sat down.  I rubbed his back.  He said my name  in an excited voice, then peeked up to confirm that he was right.  He was happy again today.  He even asked if he could shower, which is a big deal for Lorenzo.  We used to have to physically drag him into the shower, take his clothes off, and bathe him while he screamed at the top of his lungs the whole time.  He played on the swing set until the shower was open, then went in on his own accord.  As he left he showed Lourdes that his backpack had a big rip all along the seam on the bottom.  Lourdes told him she will look and see if we have any back packs.  He really does need a new one.

I talked to Lourdes about how much Marlin has been talking about getting a job.  I said, "Lourdes!  What will we do if Marlin gets a job?"

Lourdes said, "We will cook."

Oh boy.  I don't know how to cook Honduran food for 80 kids!  But I may be learning soon.

It felt so good to have no headache for 2 days in a row!  Eunice asked me why I was so happy today.  I said I think it is because I finally don't have a headache.  I was full of energy to play with the kids, clean the kitchen and run errands for people.  It felt great.

When we got home Lourdes stopped in for a visit.  We showed her how Laura is walking, but Laura seemed to be in a very serious mood, which is unusual.  After Lourdes left, Fani, Laura, Santos and I stayed out on the front patio. Laura walked between us.  She is doing 3-5 steps easily.  She even turn around 180 degrees by herself!  I love watching her learn to walk.  I never got to see my nephews learn to walk, so it is really cool.

Here are some pictures we took last week.  Laura is 10 months old today.

Laura loves to kick the fútbol!

If you say "Aplauso" she breaks into a grin and claps her hands

Lorenzo ♥

Yesterday as I was walking around, cleaning up, I passed by Lorenzo sitting on the steps to Jairo's office.  He looked sad.  And dirty.  He usually looks dirty, but sad is unusual.  I sat down and put my arm around him.  Lorenzo LOVES physical affection.  He can't get enough hugs.  And now that we have given him enough uniforms and clothes he usually doesn't smell bad, so you don't have to smell like stinky, dirty boy for the rest of the day if you hug him.

I hugged him and rubbed his back, but he just sat there looking upset.  I asked what was wrong.  He didn't speak.  Then his partner in crime (literally), Maria Angelica, came and sat on the other side of him.  She asked what was wrong too, but still he stared straight ahead.  So I hugged him and held him for a few minutes.  Don Juan came by.  He squatted down and looked at Lorenzo eye level.  He asked if someone had hit him.  (I think he was referring to someone at home.)  Still no response.  (I always look for signs of physical abuse, but have never seen any.)

Lorenzo during free time in the preschool class

Lorenzo is a skinny little guy.  He is always dirty.  He is extremely malnourished.  He is, as my mother would say, "A Love".  He very short and only has clothes that fit him if the church provides them.  I think Lorenzo is wonderful.

This man had to change his shirt after this picture because it smelled so strongly

So Lorenzo, Maria Angelica and I sat on the step.  (I often think about what will happen to Lorenzo and Maria Angelica when it is no longer "cool" to have a girl for your best friend.  I had a boy for my best friend from the time were were babies until fourth grade.  He moved away from my neighborhood, but stayed in the same school.  We grew apart and that was hard for me.  I hope Lorenzo and Maria Angelica can manage to maintain some sort of relationship as they get older.)

I asked Lorenzo if he was angry.  Nothing.  Then I asked if he was angry with me, since he wasn't responding to me.  Finally acknowledgement.  He looked up at me and smiled, then looked down.  He wasn't mad at me.  I hugged him for a while longer.  Then it was time for him to go.

Today Lorenzo sat next to me in the prayer circle.  Before I even realized he was there he took my arm and draped it around his shoulders just like yesterday.  I looked over and saw little Lorenzo looking up at me from under my arm.  I gave him a real hug.  He held my other hand - the one that wasn't hugging him - on his lap.  As I spoke to the group about today's expectations  he opened his tiny hand, placed my thumb so it filled his palm, rubbed my painted thumbnail with tenderness, then closed his whole hand around my thumb.  It was so beautiful!  I love Lorenzo.  I am going to be more intentional about hugging him each day.  Hugs are like nourishment for Lorenzo.

Lorenzo got over his fear of water!

Lorenzo and Merlin are Kings for a day!

Because of his size, at 8 Lorenzo is still able to sneak into the preschool class

Lorenzo in his Honduras fútbol uniform from K2!

Warning: Proceed at your own free will

This post comes with a warning.  I am frustrated about some things and will be complaining.  Probably a lot. So if you don't want to read frustrated complaints, please feel free to skip today's post.  But first let me give thanks to God because my friend Pat is out of bed and standing!  Yesterday morning he could barely lift his hand to his face.  Last night he stood.  Today he began physical therapy!!!  Praise God!

I am also grateful for the following:  We had plenty of food to feed all of the kids with huge portions of meat sauce, rice and tortillas today; I got to spend some time talking with Anna who has lived here 6 years but was born and raised in Colorado so we can talk about gringa things; The kids were awesome today; Lourdes was able to stay home and rest again today; Jairo spoke with the owners of the house in the mountains and they definitely want to rent it to me, it's only a matter of when the house will be ready for me to move in now; I found Tide brand detergent and splurged so I have clean clothes with no dirty stains for the first time in 6 months; The weather has been nice lately; My yard looks GORGEOUS after it was all trimmed yesterday and I cleaned it today;  I have a great taxi driver who does his best to always help me out; MY HEADACHE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I came home from the breakfast program and fell asleep.  I slept through Fany and Santos cutting the grass with a loud grass cutter machine right outside my bedroom window.  I was embarrassed because usually I help them with yard work.  I am afraid they thought I was being lazy and didn't want to help.  (Actually I love yard work.)  It would be very hard for them to believe that anyone could sleep through that noise.  But that is how I am when I have a headache.  I sleep all of the time until it's gone.  The good news is that for the first time in more than a week, I don't have a headache today.  I came home and cleaned up all of the trimmings and the leaves.  Our yard looks so nice!  I'm sure they will be happy to see it when they get home.

Here is my first complaint.  I raked the yard with a rake that had only 2/3rds of the teeth.  In the US, we would have called the rake useless and bought another.  Here we are grateful to have a rake with 2/3rds of the teeth.

Also, I got irritated at the Breakfast Program because when Lourdes is not there everyone has their own idea of how things should go.  I am open to ideas.  Yesterday I made a suggestion, but someone else decided to do things differently.  We spent an extra two hours when we would have been done if we had used my suggestion.

Today we had a lot of food and not so many kids.  I was sitting outside with the first group and many couldn't finish what they had on their plate.  They ended up feeding it to the birds.  We have taught them that if they are not hungry, just let us know and we will give them less food so they are not wasteful. When the second group came, two asked for smaller portions.  I called inside and asked Marlin for two smaller plates.  She understands why, and was fine, but someone else said that everyone gets the same size and they have to eat it all.  Let me tell you - I couldn't have eaten all that was on that plate.  So I went inside to try to explain.  The person said we have too much food and it will go to waste so they have to eat a big plate.  From my point of view the food goes to waste if the kids can't eat it and it gets fed to the pigeons.  But if they ask for a smaller portion and we have food left over at the end of the day, either the adults eat it for lunch, or we save it for tomorrow, or Marlin can take it home for her family.  In the end let's just say the birds were fed well today.

This leads me to another problem.  Lourdes tries to always give Marlin anything we have that is extra but Marlin is talking more and more about getting a job.  I can't blame her.  She needs to have an income for her family.  But without Marlin I don't know what will happen to the breakfast program.  She cooks all of the food every day and cleans everything afterward.  I help when I'm not with the kids and sometimes a couple of other mothers show up for an hour or two, but Marlin really does everything.  She is the first to arrive and the last to go home.  I have talked to Jairo about raising money to pay Marlin, but he said the church cannot do it because it would be illegal.  Plus I can't even raise enough money to pay my own bills yet, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.  Basically what I'm saying is that Marlin does all of the hardest work as a volunteer and she may have to leave.  I am very worried that it will happen sooner than later.  We have no one else who is reliable and/or competent to do this job.  Also, Lourdes and I really like working with Marlin.

Clara is still in the hospital waiting for surgery.

I know this sounds really petty, but it is driving me crazy!  My hair is literally falling out by then handful.  I am not exagerrating.  When I shower, when I brush it, and all throughout the day my hair is falling out.  I can feel a huge difference when I put it in a pony tail.  I think about 1/3 of my hair has already fallen out.  My pony tail is more like a cat tail.  Today I considered shaving my head.  At this rate it may never grow back.  It is starting to effect my self esteem.  It is also very irritating to have my house and my clothes covered in hair.  The other day a friend looked at me with a disgusted look and handed me a hair, saying this is yours.  I apologized and explained that my hair is falling out.  I bought vitamins and am eating beans until I am almost not fit for society, because that is what the internet suggested.  I don't know what else to do.  Already it will take years for my hair to grow back.  I know, it's just hair.

So these are my complaints.  I fully realize that in the grand scheme of things, my complaints are pretty lame.  Some are even laughable.  But today I needed to vent.  98% of the time I am a positive person and I write about positive things.  Today I am grumpy.  For no specific reason.  I am not having any feelings of wanting to return home, or that I am not supposed to be here.  I still love Honduras.  I realize that I should be more grateful and less grumpy.  Unfortunately, as I sit to write today, I am still grumpy.  And my hair is still falling out.  And the neighbors are burning their garbage just as I hung my sheets out to dry. Well, at at least it's not raining!  And at least I have food, a roof over my head, many people who love me, and the opportunity to serve in this awesome place.

Please pray that God's will be done when it comes to Marlin.  My hope is that it is God's will for her to cook for the Breakfast Program, but we'll see.

Okay.  A funny story to finish.  Today I was sitting with the second group and one of the bigger boys, I think it was Mainor, was next to me.  He had about 3 bites of rice left on his plate, and he was struggling to finish.  I told him it's only three bites, I know he can do it.  He got this horrible look on his face and said "Perdon", then he turned away from me.  I thought he was going to vomit!  But he let out a huge burp.  Then he looked really embarrassed.  He said "Perdon" again.  I laughed and said, "I bet you have room for more food now!"  Then he laughed too and gobbled down his last three bites.  I never saw a boy be so embarrassed to burp!  Someone is teaching him good manners.   :)

Taking care of business

As of today, I have exactly one month to gain residency, or I will have to leave the country for three days to maintain a proper status with my passport.  Can't believe I have been here almost 6 months already!

Since there was no drinkable water in the house this morning, I bolted out of bed at 6:23 when I heard "Aguaaaaaa!"  Of course the water man was on the block behind the house, where I can hear him best.  I got dressed and grabbed my money, ready to play this game again.  I still think the water man taunts me.  Today it sounded like he passed by the house twice after that.  He must have changed his route because each time I ran to the front gate there was nobody there.  I gave up and showered, worried he would come while I was showering.  Finally I heard him again, but this time I only stood outside my door listening.  He was outside the gate!  I ran down the driveway and caught him as he was headed down the hill.  First task of the day - complete.  Jett and I have water for another 2 weeks.

Then I was ready to go to the Breakfast Program, but it was only 8:30.  (Yes, I spent 2 hours chasing after the illusive water man.)  I considered taking a taxi to the church early, but realized today is pancake day so they wouldn't need help cooking.  I grabbed my devotional and decided to use the time wisely until Jairo came.

Lourdes wasn't in the car today when Jairo picked me up.  I was surprised.  She has every Monday off.  Apparently she spent the whole day ironing.  Now her back is hurting a lot and she didn't sleep at all last night.  We stopped and got a newspaper. Jairo asked if I had heard about the mass killing yesterday.  Apparently someone entered a business building and started shooting randomly, killing 15 people.

I talked to Jairo about how I feel torn about how to punish the kids.  I asked for an example of when they should be sent home with no food.  He said very sternly, "Yesterday."  And then it hit me.  It is not really ME that is sending them home with no food.  They know the expectations of the Breakfast Program.  If they choose not to behave appropriately, it is THEIR behavior that causes them to go home with no food.  Okay.  I get it.  Jairo told me that if anyone misbehaved today, they will be suspended from the Breakfast Program for the rest of the week!  Needless to say, we fed about 50 perfect angels today.  Lourdes and Walter were not there, but the kids prayed, ate, cleaned and did not hit each other.  I made sure to send a text to Lourdes to tell her how well the kids did today.  I told her if she needs another day at home, we are doing fine.  At least I don't feel like a complete failure today.

Yesterday I contacted my boss at my last job, where I was known as one of the strictest staff of all.  In fact my nickname was "Sarg" for Sergeant.  He pointed out to me that the boys I used to work with in the US were in the position to be disciplined because they had done awful things to deserve to be there.  (I used to work with sex offenders.)  The kids at the Breakfast Program are in bad situations through no fault of their own.  He said maybe that is why I am having a harder time disciplining them.  He was right!  That was exactly it!

I kept that in mind today when one of the boys was disrespectful.  He has no mother and no father in the home with him.  He is raised by siblings who tell him he is worthless.  He has no control over anything in his whole life.  So when he is a little disrespectful, I need to keep in mind the delicate balance of teaching him how to behave appropriately, while still understanding that he lives in a world that I can never comprehend.  In the grand scheme of things if he wants to laugh and giggle when I reprimand him, that is not so bad.  I will pick my battles.  I will learn to be more consistent with him.  I will show him love even when his behavior is frustrating or disrespectful, but also give the discipline he needs to be a successful member of society.  It surely is a delicate balance!

I got a lot of emails today about my friend Pat, who has been unconscious in ICU for weeks.  He is mostly conscious now, but weak.  He may leave the ICU today!  We are giving praise for this.

On the other hand Clara, the mother of Estefany and Karla, has been in the hospital for a few days.  She keeps getting moved from room to room until the doctors have time to operate on her.  We are not exactly sure what is wrong with Clara.  She first had a herniated disc, but now she has horrible pain, sometimes with a lot of swelling and occasionally a rash, in seemingly random places on her body.  Her girls are both teens.  They seem to be holding up well, waiting for their Mom to have surgery.  In the kind of hospital that she can afford, they never know when she will go into surgery.  Basically it is whenever the doctors have time and nobody is there in worse condition than she.

The older kids had their class about self esteem today with the psychologist.  They love the class, but it makes a long day for us.  When everything was almost completely clean and only 3 kids were left eating, I saw Jario headed for his car.  I asked if he was going to pick up Josselyn.  He said yes, and he could drop me off on the way home.

Here not many teenagers drive.  Jairo is the only one who drives in his family.  That leaves a lot of responsibility in Jairo's hands.  He has to get Joss to and from school every day.  He usually drives me to and from the breakfast program.  Lately he has been having to care for Lourdes' mother and brother as well.  They are struggling and need a lot of help in various ways.  On top of taking care of everyone, he has a full time job at the church.  It is not easy to be in Jairo's shoes.  I told Jairo that if I get the house in the mountains I would be happy to pick up Joss from school every day and take her home.  That would help a little.

So, the Breakfast Program went smoothly today.  It was a much better day than yesterday.  Pat is doing better, Lourdes is having a tough time, Clara is waiting for surgery and I am going to pick some limes from my lime tree and make some corn on the cobb, with lime and salt.  Yum!  I love picking things fresh from the trees outside my house.  Looks like a thunderstorm is rolling in.  Evening thunderstorms are common and the  perfect way to relax at the end of the day.  I am already looking forward to tomorrow!

Delicate Balance

This morning the phone rang right at the same time that Jairo normally calls me to walk up to the pulperia to meet him.  It was Jairo, but he asked me if I could take a cab to the breakfast program.  The van is still not running right.  Luckily my taxista was up on the corner where he sits when he doesn't have another customer, so I got to the church quickly.  When I got there the place was FULL of kids.  Today is a holiday - teacher's day, so there is no school.  Marlin had them all circled up, ready to pray, but then she breaks it to me.  I have to sing with them until they have time to cook more food because there are more kids than food.  This has never happened before.

I don't know many songs in Spanish, so I had to ask the kids for help.  The girls were very helpful, but the older boys were just the opposite.  Eunice had to come out of the office to punish one of them.  Then I ended up punishing three more.  Punishment at the breakfast program means getting your food last.  It also means sitting separately from the rest of the group while we are singing and praying.  Tomorrow Lourdes will talk to the older boys.  I have a hard time because really, the way they were behaving they should have been asked to leave.  But I just can't ask them to leave knowing I am taking away what may be the only food they get all day.  Lourdes will figure out how to handle things tomorrow, because otherwise this could be a weekly occurance now that Lourdes stays home every Monday.

The good news is that they did clean every dish and leave early.  The adults had eaten and cleaned up by 1pm.  I was about to call my taxista to take me back home when Jairo arrived.  Then Lourdes' mother and brother came.  They had been at the hospital.  It was a long day for them.  At  5 a.m. they got on a bus and were held up at knife point.  Nestor, Lourdes' brother, was almost in tears as he spoke of it.  He has had a rough few days.  Last week he lost his job at the airport and now today he and his mother were held up at knife point.  I think he felt bad that he couldn't protect his mother.  He is a little bit mentally delayed.  To me, it is not that noticeable.  He is a kind man and a hard worker.  Lourdes' mother said this is the first time in her life that she has ever been held up.  

On the way home I was telling Walter I felt bad for Nestor because he is still really upset.  Walter laughed.  I asked why he would laugh when Nestor was almost crying.  Walter said it's over and in the past.  Now all you can do is laugh.  I didn't feel like laughing.  But I do feel grateful that they are both unharmed, just shaken up.

I feel bad that I can't control all of the kids when Lourdes and Walter aren't there.  I think it would have been fine if the food was ready, but having to entertain them all with children's songs is hard.  The older kids don't like to sing silly kids' songs.  I wish I could have done better.  Sadly, I think the way I could have done better is punish them more quickly and maybe even more strongly.  I'll have to talk to Lourdes about how to handle this in the future.  And also talk to the kitchen about having food ready on Mondays so we can pray, feed them, and they can leave.  It is just really disappointing when the younger kids behave well and it is the older kids (who should be setting a good example) who have the poorest behavior.  Today was not the best day.  But we fed almost 60 kids so I guess the basic point of the program was met.  I just like it so much more when we can have fun and enjoy our time together.  I don't like having to be strict with them.  These kids have such a difficult lives, I like the church to be their refuge.

A new boy I don't know was pretending to karate chop the boy next to him while we were praying.  The boy next to him ignored it.  I tried getting his attention but he was too busy karate chopping.  Finally I walked over and stood in front of the karate chopper.  I whispered firmly, "We are praying!"  Then I lifted my right arm to make the motion of covering my own eyes.  (If they have trouble concentrating Lourdes taught them to cover their eyes.)  But when I lifted my arm up he jumped back in his seat and covered his face with his hands.  After seeing that reaction I knew he has definitely been hit before.  He thought I was going to hit him!  I felt horrible.  I asked him to have respect for God and sit quietly.  I should have told him that I will never, ever hit him.

We can't imagine what these kids' home lives are like.  For that reason I am not quick to discipline them, although it might be what they need most.  In the US when I worked with boys I never had this problem.  I was always one of the strictest staff.  But here it is so different.  I am still trying to find the delicate balance.