Olancho

This morning we woke up early, at 5:15, to drive to Olancho and pick up the boys who are on scholarship at a private school there.  I am learning that in the Sarmiento family nobody gets very much sleep.  They are busy from early in the morning until late at night.  However, they always make time to check in with me and see how I'm doing.
I have been to Olancho once before.  Karla's family lives there.  We visited the last time I was here.  However, as Jairo points out every time we are in the car, these days things are very different. In Tegucigalpa that is usually followed by a story of rape, kidnapping or shooting and he points out the corner where it happened as we pass by.  But on the way to Olancho it was about the "narcos", the people trafficking drugs from South America to the US.  He said wait and see - the roads change when we get to a narco's house.
First we stopped at a Menonite bakery, had breakfast, and got some treats "for Lourdes" which we snacked on throughout the day.  Most of them did make it home, but I didn't see Lourdes eat any.  My favorite was a sort of peanut brittle made with sugar cane, so the brittle part just melted in my mouth.  Yumm.  Many things about this day reminded me of my father.  The peanut brittle was one.
We passed a guy carrying an iguana.  I asked why the guy was carrying an iguana.  Jairo said he must have killed it to make soup.
We passed a lot of forrest fires which have now filled the valley of Tegucigalpa with a deep haze.  There were kids trying to earn money by standing in the road, then madly shoveling dirt to fill in potholes every time a car came by.  I thought it creative.  Jairo thought it a road hazard.  We passed through a small village - a few houses on the side of the road - which Jairo said belonged to the father of the former president.  They were typical shacks, nothing very nice.  Jairo said that the former president, Mel Zelaya, who was pulled out of bed in his pajamas because he refused to leave office when I visited 2 years ago, prided himself on being revolutionary.  However, his father had killed many, many revolutionary people.  Jairo showed me where Zelaya's father buried people known to be revolutionary in a well, placed explosives inside and blew them up.
Further along the road changed.  There was the typical road block, which is armed with military men, at the border of Olancho.  (Olancho is a state inside Honduras, just like New York is a state within the US.)  After the road block the road appeared to be of cement.  It was new and perfectly smooth, very unlike most of the rest of the trip.  There were  several farms along the way where the cows were fatter, the horses healthier, the fields more well kept.  These belonged to the "narcos" or drug traffickers.  It was easy to see how a plane could land on the road and pull right up the driveway, past a huge, beautiful home to a big warehouse.  In fact there was even a cell tower that would be an easy guide at night for the airplanes to find the highway, although it's purpose was supposed to be for power to the local people.  The contrast of the native people and the "narcos" was very apparent.  The narcos are even building a church, called "Casa de Dios" or House of God which was pretty spectacular from the outside.  So much money amidst such poverty.
Another new thing I saw was "jugo de caña" which is the juice of a tree.  It is sweet and ferments inside whatever bottle they put it in so that it makes a nice, seasonal beverage.  There were stands along the road selling all sorts of things, but at one point this was the main product.  They were bottled in whatever the people could find.  Mostly a lot of coke bottles.  I also saw a Tilapia farm which was interesting, mostly because I have always had an interest in farm raised fish since I was a child and visited fish farms near my house.  It was pretty, no cement, but all natural with many, many ponds of tilapia.
The private school the boys attend was very nice, extremely well kept and so peaceful.  I am happy they can get away to such a place.  Otherwise they may never have imagined this sort of life.  Their living areas are much nicer than their homes.  And they get three square meals.  They were talking about getting used to the food there and eating their vegetables.

I was so excited to see Bismar!  It took him a while to really recognize me.  Probably because he never expected me to show up at his school.  In the past two and 1/2 years he has grown more than a foot and changed from a boy into a young man.  He earning the top grades in the school, working hard, and always the first to step forward to help.  In fact as we were waiting to leave he spent his time helping the grounds keeper, while the rest of the boys joked in the car.  I wandered around taking pictures and he came over to give me a little tour.  He is just an amazing young man.  I kept telling him how proud we are of him and his achievements at school.  As he was leaving a man came up to him and put an arm around him.  He told Bismar to be safe and to act in ways that always honor God.  The man seemed to care very much about the boys.  I'm sure he worries about taking them away from such a safe environment and sending them home to a very dangerous environment.  I asked Bismar if the transition was hard.  He said it is very different being in Los Pinos compared to Olancho.

Lost Luggage, Lost Kitty

Today was great in some ways, hard in others.  First I'll tell you the great:

I started the day with a yummy breakfast of beans, tortillas, mantequilla and the special cheese they have here, queso fresco.  It was even better than I was imagining ahead of time.

The not so great is that my luggage did not come.  I am worried now that it may never come.

Also I learned that my cat, Bella, ran away.  She has a micro-chip and a collar, but she doesn't really like people and I am afraid she will be hard to find.  I am sad and scared for her.

We are so busy, I hardly have a moment to write.  Jairo and Lourdes are making great efforts to take personal time with me and check in to see how I am doing.  They work so hard ALL day, it is hard to keep up with them.

Today Jairo told me I am a true missionary, like in the bible, with only the clothes on my back.  It is almost true, but not fully.  Lourdes' sister, Belinda, wears exactly the same size pants and everyone is pitching in to make sure I have what I need.  It is hard being in a strange country with none of your personal comforts, but Lourdes explained that when we are stripped of all of our comforts we have no choice but to turn to God.  It is hard to see this as good for me, but I am trying.  Jairo also told me that he can see God has big plans for me.  I have never known Jairo to be wrong about these things.  He said that God is going to change my priorities and the outcome of my time here will be far different from what I expect.  I don't think I really have any expectations.  I don't know what my time here will bring.  Only time will tell.

First Days in Honduras

I need to catch up - so much has happened, and I've been so busy.  No time to write.  But it looks like I will have a lot of down time for the next 3 days so no excuses.

On Wednesday my flight was supposed to leave San Salvador at 1, but didn't leave until 2.  Jairo and Josselyn were waiting for me at the airport.  Jairo is into taking pictures on his cell phone.  He took a movie of my flight landing and of me getting off the plane and pics of me waiting in immigration.  He even noticed that all of the luggage had been picked up and there was none for me.  I was told that it would come the next day.  Four days later it seems to be permanently lost.

We went from the airport to help Walter.  He was a La Colonia, a grocery store, that had taken a bunch of food that didn't sell and put it in crates by the garbage.  Walter doesn't have a truck anymore, he has a tiny car, so he couldn't fit the food in his cars.  As they say in Honduras there was "a monton"!  It reeked of rotten garbage, and we didn't have any way to box it up so we had to put it piece by piece into Jairo's van.  I was so stinky and sticky by the end and I knew I had no clothes to change into.  Jairo teased me that I was already jumping into the life of a missionary, coming straight off the plane into the garbage for food.

We took it all back to the church and cleaned it up.  It was lots of good stuff.  Some is very practical and will be useful for the breakfast program.  Some is crazy - like Perrier lemon water.  But we took it all and it will get used.

Perrier, Juice Boxes and Cereal

Lourdes gave me cards (40!) from the kids.  The cards are so cute.

That night we worked at the church until late, then ran around at 8:30 pm, trying to find a store that sold underwear for me.  Finally we begged a guard to let us in and quickly ran through to the top of a 3 story store where we bought underpants - all of which later turned out to be too small.

We went home and cooked a delicious dinner of fresh Tilapia, salad, queso fresco (which I had been waiting for for years!) and more.  I can't remember it all now.

The next morning we got up early for soup day at the church.  This is the kids' favorite day because Lourdes makes chicken soup for the breakfast program.  We had a lesson and a time of prayer, which lasted at least a half hour.  Then the kids ate their soup and played.  They were in heaven.

Lessons with the early group

Washing Hands with team work

Chicken Soup!

Little ones

Soft Sheets, Hot Shower

Last night I fell asleep more easily than expected.  I realize today that problem solving in Spanish is twice as exhausting than if all of this had happened in my primary language.  But today I got a little giggle.  I called the front desk to ask for a toothbrush and comb.  When she started rattling off some reply in Spanish I asked her to speak in English please.  She seemed very surprised that I needed English.  So must be I'm pulling off the Spanish pretty well.  The hotel does have toothbrushes and combs.  My clothes, which I had washed in the sink, were dry.  The shower felt great.  Should have done that last night, but I was too tired to think straight.

My cousin, Carolyn, is in the Peace Corp in Guatemala.  This morning she was on Facebook, so I asked her to call Jairo and tell him my flight number and SUPPOSED arrival time in Teguc.  She called and gave him all of the information.  I told her, "Super. Thanks."  She said, "That's funny, that's exactly what he said when I gave him the info."  I told her must be I am acclimating well if I am already talking just like Jairo.  I wish she could come and visit me, see my apartment, meet my friends...  but the Peace Corp has a travel ban for certain areas right now, so she can't.  Maybe I could visit her sometime.

So Jairo has all of the info I can offer at this time.  I got a good nights' sleep and a shower.  Nothing to do now but wait for a shuttle to my plane, which should come in half an hour.

I must also add that my mother was very calm through all of this.  I am sure she would prefer me to be in Teguc with my friends, not alone in El Salvador.  But she seemed fine, which helps me feel better too.

I met an interesting man on the bus ride from the airport to the hotel last night.  He was from Belgium, but now lives in Nicaragua.  He said he has heard that Coapan is the most beautiful place in Central America, but he said Nicaragua is safest, least touristy, and has the nicest people.  I would like to see Coapan.  He said that about six years ago he worked on the water system in Tegucigalpa.  He said there were many problems with the water system, but the biggest was that gangs would not let the companies operate without paying them off, and the companies refused to pay.

This quote was at the top of my journal last night.  I liked it and thought it fitting:

"What we feel, think and do this moment influences both our present and the future in ways we may never know.  Begin.  Start right where you are.  Consider your possibilities and find inspiration...to add more meaning and zest to your life." - Alexandra Stoddard

The Lone Gringa

I was supposed to be in Honduras by now.  But instead, as my new friend Rachel said, I am on an adventure.  At least I'm trying to see it that way.  As I wash my underwear and shirt in the sink and soak my contacts in a dish of water it's not so easy to put a positive spin on this.  Plus my luggage is missing.
Everything was pretty uneventful until I got to El Salvador.  Of course there was mad scurrying in Phoenix to figure out how to get an extra 9 pounds of luggage into the plane - the answer was to stuff it inside my pillow case.  I slept on the first two connections with my pillowcase full of shoes and books.
In Houston there was only one other obvious Gringo on the plane.  Everyone else was speaking only Spanish.  In El Salvador I was definitely the only Gringa left.  They didn't even translate messages anymore, which made it more difficult when, as we were taxiing for take off, they suddenly turned around said something about "conditions".  That's really all I caught - and the fact that we were headed back to the airport.  The woman next to me asked me when they had said, so apparently it wasn't very clear to even the Spanish speakers.
We got all of our personal belongings and were told to wait for 15 minutes.  I knew that was too good to be true, so I begged a phone from a nice lady and called Jairo to warn him I was running late.  Then they said the plan was fixed - (HURRAY!)  but the flight crew was over their allotted flight time and could not fly the plane.  Since the airport was closed there was nobody else who could fly us either.  They told us there is an 8 a.m. flight tomorrow, but it's full.  Not sure why they even told us that.  Then they said they are arranging for a whole new plane to come and take us to Honduras.  In the meantime we will get dinner at Hotel Intercontinental, and a free room, as well as a $200 voucher.
All of that is great except that in my scurrying to arrange my luggage I brought nothing I would need for this situation. Yes people, I had a carry-on and a pillowcase full of stuff, but no deodorant, contact lens solution, clean clothes, etc...  Let this be a lesson to you as well,  I am now in one of the nicest hotels I will probably ever experience, but I don't have the things I need to fully enjoy it.  And you should also know that when you ask for sleeping pills "pills for sleeping" in Spanish, you get a very strange look and almost a lecture from the man at the front desk about the fact that the hotel does not sell "street drugs".
Had to fill out an immigration form that asked for my occupation.  Initially my head was blank until finally I realized that officially now I am a missionary.  CRAZY!!!
Saw a cool volcano as we flew over El Salvador.  The sunset was gorgeous.  I kept thinking the thing I was most nervous about is my language skills.  Nothing like getting thrown into the fire.  Figuring out what was going on was tough.  And I keep getting caught off guard - like calling the front desk to ask for contact lens solution, then realizing I have no idea how to say "contact lens solution" in Spanish.  So I asked for a something to clean my eyes.  He said he'd be right up with a towel.  I said no!  A liquid to clean my eyes and again he said he would send it to me in a minute.  Nothing ever came, so I went down and asked in person.  They don't have contact lense solution, or sleeping pills, or free internet, or deodorant.  But they do have soft sheets, a cushy mattress, a flat screen tv as wide as the bed (but I'm not turning it on because I've heard enough Spanish for the day) and good food with servers who were really top notch.
I will try to sleep in tomorrow.  Hopefully, my next entry will be from Honduras!
Buenas noches desde San Salvador.

Phase Two

I have now begun "Phase Two" of my move to Honduras.  So far it's great.  I slept last night better than I've slept in weeks.

This is a good time to acknowledge and thank everyone who helped me get out of my little house in Salt Lake.  (Oh, how I loved that house.)  Thank you, in reverse order from your time of assistance to:
Jody O., Jody O, Jody O., Robin, Heather, Steve & Jody O., Frank Strickland, Kasey Kocherscheidt, Jenna Murphy, Laura Strickland (phone support), Sandrine (phone support and hugs), Frank and Abby.  It felt a little hectic, but we got it done!  Everyone was a lot of help, but Frank was a life saver.

Yesterday I pulled out of Salt Lake with both kitties, all of my gear for Telluride Bluegrass Festival in June, and (I hope) everything I need for Honduras.  The cats and I made the 11 hour trek from SLC to Scottsdale without incident.  The cats were perfect, which eases my mind for the 10 hour flight if/when they move to Honduras.  The drive was GORGEOUS.  I had never explored Utah below I-70.  It was beautiful, as were the canyons and lakes in Northern Arizona.  I stopped and took a few pictures but they didn't do it justice so I won't post them.  It did hit me about 20 minutes outside of Salt Lake that I am now a homeless woman with two cats.  But friends assure me that is only a fact according to the postal service.  Still, for the first time I had the thought, "What in the world am I doing?  I have no job, no home, and two cats to take care of!  This is crazy!!!"  And then I remembered that God calls us to do crazy things and it all became relative.  (I recognize that many people are in far worse situations, but most of them didn't purposely choose those situations.)

Last night we arrived at Hoke's house at 10 pm.  He will keep the cats for the next 3 months.  It has now been almost 24 hours and Bella remains in hiding under the entertainment center.  I wouldn't be surprised if she stays there the whole 3 months.  Jetty is the opposite.  She loves Hoke's dog, growls at his roommate's cat and has already taken over the house.  In fact as soon as we pulled in the driveway last night Jetty began to purr.  Too bad she couldn't share some of her joy and fearless sense of adventure with Bella.

I had an amazing night's sleep and woke up refreshed and excited.  My flight to Honduras is just close enough that it doesn't feel too far away, but far enough that I still have plenty of time to wrap up loose ends.  Today I lounged by the pool, sunbathing and finalizing flight details.  I had some quality prayer time, then ran errands.  My body is craving exercise.  I haven't worked out in two days.  Did some research and I think I can get into pilates classes here on Saturday and Monday.  That would be great.

Matt said the boys at work - wait, I don't work there anymore - the boys at my previous job have been asking about me.  That feels nice.  And it makes me feel a little guilty that I don't miss them.  Working with sex offenders for almost 5 years is difficult.  BUT the point is, now I am here.  In Scottsdale.  Waiting to fly to Honduras.  And it feels GRRRREAT!

People have asked about how they can donate.  I am still only about half funded and can really use your support.  One time donations are very helpful and completely appreciated, but if I am not fully funded with monthly donations I will not be able to stay in Honduras past this initial three months.  Here's the link:
https://worldoutreach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=117
Just click on my name (Fager, Mary Lynn) and select the monthly or one time gift option.

Thanks for reading!

One week from today...

The first round of good byes went well.  I cried at the dentist, but did not cry at work.  Pretty sure it freaked out the dentist a little when tears started flowing in the midst of his cleaning.  He got me a tissue and I said I was going to miss my boys.  He asked, "How many boys do you have?" and I sobbed back, "TWELVE".  Don't think he was expecting that answer, but he didn't ask any questions.  I guess when you live in Salt Lake and someone is sobbing about 12 boys you just nod your head and move along.  He didn't though.  He gave me a hug.

At work the boys shared poetry and letters they had written.  It was so nice, and even completely appropriate.  No strange innuendos or anything.  Matt bought 2 cakes, one for the boys and one for staff and we had quite a party.  Members of administration even wrote special things in a card for me.  I felt really special and appreciated.

Since then I have been "packing", which really means not packing at all.  I've spent a lot of time at the Dr's office, running all sorts of errands, forwarding all of my accounts to my mother's house, and all kinds of things I never thought about when I defined moving.  It is a real pain in the neck, and has kept me from actually packing the house, so I feel behind and stressed out.  But I think I'm doing a good job handling the stress.  I've been going to the gym and doing pilates almost every day.  I've been trying to eat healthy food when I do eat, because I'm either voracious or have no appetite.

Today my friend Abby came over and helped me actually pack - meaning put things in boxes.  We got a lot done together and I was SO grateful for her help.  Others have offered help, but I was so behind I didn't even know what to ask them to do.  Anyway, Abby was awesome.  I am grateful that God brought us together.  She used to be my basement neighbor until last week when she and her husband moved out.  Who else would move their own house one week, and then repeatedly offer to help you move the next?  Abby.

I have a hard time saying this, and I know that some of you who read will think I've gone off deep end when you read this, but I have also been fighting against a lot of spiritual warfare lately.  It was very clear on Sunday at my small group and also today, when EVERYTHING went wrong in really strange ways.  On Sunday it scared and disempowered me.  But today I fought through and ended up on top.  Got everything done despite all of the obstacles in my way.  It felt great to finish the day strong, knowing the obstacles that I'd faced.  Now time to shower and spend the last night in my bed.  I washed my sheets just to make it extra nice and cozy.  The cats were a little sketched out this evening when most of the stuff had been moved out of the house, but they have settled in well.  I hope the continue to stay relaxed through this time of adjustment.  One week from tonight I will be IN HONDURAS!!!  Yay!  I have been waiting for this for so long!

First Round of Goodbyes

Tomorrow is my last day of work.  I thought this would be a joyous occasion.  Many times I've said I never want to go back into that place again.  But now that it's actually happening, I don't know how to feel.

Part of me is excited.  This signifies a big step toward being a missionary.  I was talking to Matt tonight about the fact that it's easier for me to put my physical well-being into God's hands than it is for me to turn over control of my finances.  Co-workers keep asking if I'm scared to move to Honduras (per CNN, "the most dangerous region on earth" outside of active war zones).  The answer, truly, is no.  I'm not scared to be in Honduras.  But I am scared about the fact that after tomorrow, I have very little control over my finances.

The boys are very aware of me leaving.  They speak of it often.  They are writing me letters (which normally would not be allowed) and planning a special night tomorrow.   They seem very genuine when they say they don't want me to go and will miss me.  I will miss them too.  I really hope the person who takes my place cares well for them.

Packing

Packing sucks.  My neighbors downstairs moved out yesterday.  Never thought about they way the house feels safer with them here until they were gone.  They asked if they could take a picture with me before they left, which I thought was really sweet.  Funny thing about the timing, all of us moving on at once.  My poor landlord.  I still haven't worked up the courage or made the time to go see her.  I know I'll regret it if I don't.

Had my first commissioning at church this morning.  Was up all night with a HORRIBLE headache.  Between that and the time change I barely got any sleep, but I guess it went well.

I've been feeling really alone lately.  One good friend is out of the country, so she is excused, but others aren't returning my calls.  Makes me sad.  Someone said that friends are pulling away because I'm leaving.  Sorry.  That's not an excuse in my book.  Either we are there for each other or we're not.  Right now I feel most people are not.  I'm afraid to ask for favors (like help moving) because I already feel rejected.  My boss/friend, Matt, has offered to help.  Hope it's more than him and me.  I may only have one useful arm by that day.

Tomorrow I'm going to get an MRI to see if I need shoulder surgery before I go.  Praying that I don't.  Did the eye Dr. thing Friday.  Did you know you can get contacts that work as bifocals?  I didn't.  But now I do because I have them.  And my opthamologist told me if anyone in Honduras needs eye care I should contact him.  He said if he can't come, he belongs to a group who will send someone.  I plan to take him up on that offer if the need is there!

As I go through all of the stuff in this house I realize how much crap I have that I don't need.  Kind of disgusting, the excess.  Who needs 29 coffee cups?  I don't even drink coffee.  So far I have 4 garbage bags of clothes to give away and more that I threw away.  Crazy.  Missing the days when everything I owned fit in the back of my pick up truck.  Most of the cupboards are bare now, but there is still a LOT to do.  I am praying that the dye for the MRI tomorrow doesn't leave me as incapacitated as others say it will.

Been chatting with friends in Honduras.  So nice to talk to them again.  I love hearing Lourdes' voice on the phone.  And Karla has left messages.  She still talks so fast I have to listen to them three times to fully understand what she says.

My nephew, Jack, went skiing at a resort for the first time today.  My brother called to tell me about it.  Apparently Jack has already developed a love for skiing.  Bob said he yelled "Wheeee!" all the way down.  Pretty awesome for a 3 year old.  Wish I could have been there.  But even now, living here in the states, I miss out on so much with my nephews.  I don't think it will be any worse when I am in Honduras.

Today, while I was at church for the commissioning, someone asked if I was sad.  It really caught me off guard.  First I wondered if I looked sad for some reason.  Then I just stood, perplexed, and said, "No, I'm really excited."  She said, "Oh, I thought since it's your last week at K2 you might be sad."  I told her honestly, I hadn't even thought that far ahead.  And next week is actually my last week at K2.  I think I will probably feel sad then.  But mostly excited.  I have spent years now thinking of my church in Honduras and the people there.  Sunday is the one day that I can picture them and what they are doing.  I miss my Honduran friends most on Sundays.  I wonder if I one day will miss my K2 friends most on Sundays.  I think so.

Less puking, more praying

Just made the conscious realization that with each step of this process - the email from Lourdes, booking the flight, giving my notice, waiting to hear about housing - I have spent the first 24 hours in a panic and feeling sick to my stomach. Then, after I panic and can't sleep and drive myself into a frenzy, I FINALLY realize that God is in control and I need to hand over the control to Him. Now that I am conscious of this, I need to hand over the control faster and skip the whole panic/nauseous stage. Might be a lifetime process, but it's a goal worth the effort!

The first day of the rest of my life...

Today is Thursday, March 1, 2012.  It is not an exaggeration to say that today feels like the first day of the rest of my life.

I BOUGHT THE TICKET FOR HONDURAS!!!  I gave my 2 weeks' notice at work.  I froze my membership at the gym.  And hardest of all, I called my awesome landlord to say I won't be living here anymore.  That part sucked.  I am not fully funded yet, but I have faith I will get there.

Today work felt awesome.  Even when they were being annoying, I realized that soon I will no longer be spending the majority of my life with these crazy boys.  It made me appreciate them more.  I'll miss my boss, Matt.  We worked together for four years.  At a job like ours, it's so nice to work with someone you can really rely on and trust.  Nurses, custodians, even the CEO are all happy for me.  They've been hearing me talk about moving to Honduras for over 2 years.  Now it is finally happening!

Got appointments lined up for the next two weeks with my Dr, Dentists, Opthomalogist, and even an orthopedic surgeon.  Sure hope my shoulder doesn't need surgery.  Cause in my new life I won't have health insurance.  Health insurance in a Gringo thing.

I've started to think in Spanish again, which feels nice.  It's like my brain is anticipating the upcoming change.  I can't wait to see the apartment Karla has picked out for me.  I can't wait for my first church service at La Iglesia en Transformación.  I can't wait to be ON THE PLANE, flying away to my new life.

Don't get me wrong.  My life here in the states is wonderful.  I am so blessed with friends, opportunity, my family, and a beautiful home in a GORGEOUS place.  But this isn't everything that I am supposed to be.  I can't wait to get back to Honduras and feel fully alive again.  To feel like I am really me, being true to myself.  Right now I feel like I am doing my best to make the most of each day, but it's not quite. right.  Soon it will be right again.  I'm going back to Honduras!!!!  Yay!!!!!!