Today I have some news that is tough to share. In fact, I don't want to share it at all. But, since this is a place that I have dedicated to recording my experience as a missionary in Honduras, and the following is part of my experience, here goes...
So you all know about Erika. She turned 17 years old on September 1st. She was pregnant at 14, had her baby at 15. Baby Marjory turned one year old on the 4th of July.
Erika has a tough life in many aspects. In February or March of this year, I asked Erika if she would like me to accompany her in her life experiences. For at least 6 months we have been walking through life together. We meet at least once each week. Sometimes for bible study or other things that may seem like work to her, and sometimes for things that are more fun. Never once has Erika disappointed me. In fact, she has superseded every expectation I had of her.
You know where this is going. Erika is 17 years old, and she is human.
Let me tell you about my part. Last week I tried to reach Erika by telephone. We always meet once per week. But last week her phone wasn't working. That is common. I talked to her mother. If her phone is not working I can reach Erika through her mother or father.
Normally she calls me collect at least once/week. But last week was different. Her mother told me she was not at home. I warned her mother that if Erika and I did not get together last week, I would not be able to see her this week because I knew I would be busy with that campaign. Erika's mother said she would pass along the message. I didn't want Erika to feel forgotten. We've never missed a week unless I was in the US.
This week I called Erika's number and there was a strange recording I had never heard before. Fany never heard it either. It said the number could not be found. Once again I called Erika's mother.
This is where I have to stop and take a deep breath before I move on...
Erika's mother answered and said, "Erika is not here. She moved out. She lives with her boyfriend."
The world around me stopped.
She said it so matter-of-fact. Like it was nothing. "Erika lives with her boyfriend."
A million thoughts ran through my mind. But I said to her, "I want to support your family in the way that you would like me to. Did Erika leave angry, or did she leave because she's in love?"
"She comes by the house every day," her mother responded. "She's not angry. She just decided to live with her boyfriend."
"When did this happen?" I asked.
"A week or two ago," she replied.
"So you are not hoping she will move home?" I asked.
"He is a good boy," said the mom. "He is a hard worker."
And then it hit me. Erika's mother and her husband have 6 kids to feed plus themselves. Erika got pregnant at 14 by a "hard worker". She had permission to date him. I bet her parents thought he would provide a better life for Erika.
When the family does not have enough money to feed their children, they may think it is best that a young man with a job takes care of one of their daughters. Maybe in Erika's mom's mind, their limited resources could go further if Erika and her daughter are taken care of by this young man.
The mom kept telling me what a hard worker this guy is. I asked questions, like, "How does he treat Erika?" "How is he with the baby?" "Can I have your permission to take her to the doctor for birth control?" She kept going back to the fact that he is a hard worker.
Finally I asked what he does for work. When she told me he is working on the stairs in Los Pinos, my heart hurt again. Most of those jobs are finished. The rest will be done soon. And then what? This boy will be without a job in a country with no jobs.
I asked her to please have Erika call me. And then I waited. No call.
The next day I got ahold of Erika by phone. She seemed happy and relaxed. She said I could meet her boyfriend. I asked all of the questions that come to your head when a 17 year old moves in with her boyfriend. Have you talked about the future? Does he want a baby? But Erika was not thinking of those things.
We made plans that we would meet the next morning to go to the doctor. I prayed all night that she was not already pregnant. The next morning it hit me that maybe I should pray that she would show up for our meeting.
For the first time in our relationship, Erika did not show up. For the first time her phone rang and rang, but she did not answer.
Looking back, I could see this coming. When she turned 17 only 26 days ago, I talked to Erika about school. She was always excited about going back to school. But 26 days ago Fany and I both noticed a change. Fany and I discussed it and thought there may be a boyfriend in the picture.
So. What is my job now?
I have passed through the "I have failed" phase. That only brought me a lot of stress. I am done with the "I had such great hopes" phase. That was depressing.
After consulting with my pastors, and thinking about it rationally, all I can do is BE THERE for Erika. I have committed to walking through life with her. I am not going to stop the first time she takes a wrong turn. God just asks us to show up. That is what I will do for Erika.
I am sad and disappointed, but statistically, this is how this story was going to evolve. I believed that Erika was going to be the exception. Maybe she still will. I am not going to lose hope. I love her and I will not stop loving her or walk away. She needs me more than ever right now. Even though she is scared to talk to me.
Both of my pastors seemed to expect this. I have to admit, I didn't. They said the best I can do is continue to offer advice and direction, whether Erika chooses to follow it or not. So that is what I will do.
Erika is a special girl. She is choosing to live according to her society's norms. Even her parents are probably happy to see her choose this life. It is not my place to judge. It is my place to walk alongside her, as much as she will allow me, and guide Erika back to the path she was on for the past six months which will allow her to be an independent, productive woman.
Please pray for Erika. Pray that she can learn that she does not need a man to take care of her. Pray that I have the right words to approach her. Pray that we both follow God's will for Erika's life. That is all I want for her and everything she needs.
