I found this post today. It is fitting as I prepare to go back to the US. I highlighted parts that I have experienced most strongly:
Why Missionaries Can Never Go Home Again
When a new missionary first gets to the mission field, it is obvious where home is. It is that place where you just left. It is the place where you grew up, went to school, got an education, discovered a church family, and formed your most important relationships.
But when you live overseas long enough, a strange transition takes place.
Your “home” country doesn't quite feel like home anymore. When you “go home”, some of the same people and places are there, but life has moved on in your absence. When you show up for the so-called “home assignment” or “furlough,” you can not just pick up where you left off. You are a visitor. An outsider. A guest without a permanent role. Your close friends have made new close friends. Half the people in your home church only know you as a line item on list of prayer requests. (If at all, I would add.)
Some new technology, slang, or cultural trend has become common place… expect for you because you missed it when it first came out. (Music, tv shows, fashion trends are what I miss most.)
On the mission field, you said things like, “Back in my country….” but few local people in your host country could relate to your story. They listened politely but you knew they didn’t really understand. But that’s okay. You comfort yourself with the thought, “People back home would understand me.”
Yet strangely enough, those people back home who were sure to understand…. well, they don’t. Now that you are home, you are full of experiences and stories from the place that has become your second home. (I would add that you have to be careful where you tell them. Some people don't want to hear them and some people just think you are crazy, or stupid, and will literally tell you so.) You say things like, “Back in my host country…” Whatever story you tell them about your host country is hard to relate to. The things that you really miss about your host country receive a blank stare, or a “That’s weird.” After your quaint tale is done, people go back to talking about the local sports team, the latest in national politics, or something else that you haven’t given much thought to in the past few years. It is not that they don’t like you. They do. They are glad you are finally “home.” However, those “back home” people simply can not relate to your experiences “out there” in that country with the funny name whose people have even funnier (and unpronounceable) names.
On “home assignment”, people say to you, “Isn't it great to be home!” and you think, “Yeah, kind of.” Now that you've had a few of your favorite foods and seen a few old friends (and FAMILY, I would add), there are fewer reasons to stay “home.” You start to miss all those things about your host country that you came to love. Certain foods, local friends, the ministry role that you were happily engaged in.
Home is no longer home. And sadly, that other place on the mission field will never truly be home either. Home is both places, and neither place, at the same time.
When at “home”, the missionary dreams about their host country.
When in their host country, the missionary dreams about their home country.
Missionaries are forever caught between two worlds. They can no longer completely identify with the people whom they left behind in the home country and they can never truly identify with the people in their host country.
Home is everywhere.
Home is nowhere.
(I AM NOT SURE WHERE I CALL HOME, I would add.)
But that’s okay. There have been other travelers on this road.
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That was the blog entry from someone else. This is from me:
I hope you don't get the wrong impression. I am more excited than I have ever been to go back to the US. I can see that God made this trip possible for many reasons. I get to celebrate my nephew's birthday. I am going to receive ministry there which will help me to be a better servant when I return. And I miss my friends and family. I will enjoy my time there and can't wait to go - less than a week now!
But yes. A lot of this article hits home, so I thought I would share it with you.
As I wrote that previous sentence, "A lot of this article hits home..." I am thinking that maybe home, now, is in ME. I am the one constant in my life. I am the one who understands me best. I am the one who shares my culture (which is now a mixture of 2 cultures). Maybe home is in me. I feel a sense of peace as I think of it that way. It is definitely something to ponder.
Finally, I don't want to leave any lingering doubt. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the US. I am excited to see my friends there. Contrary to what the author of this blog said, for me being away has shown me who are my true friends. I have strengthened relationships with friends in the US through this process. Other friendships are not more strong than before, but will still withstand the distance between us. I can't say I have lost friends in this experience. Praise God for that.
See you soon US friends and family! I love you, I miss you and I can't wait to see you!
