To be continued...

I stayed at Molly's house from Friday until Monday when we dropped Karen off at her new placement. When I got home I was emotionally exhausted, and tired physically too. I honestly have not known what day of the week it is since last Friday. I'm not exaggerating.

The great thing is that Molly's kids did really well. They have been through so much. We were worried all of the craziness could be bad for them. But they came through the whole experience with no apparent problems. Molly had them sleep in her bedroom, so for them it was a big sleep over.

For Molly and me it was an emotional roller coaster. We shared moments of joy, laughter, and hope - especially at night after everyone else was tucked safely into bed. One night the kids had to ask us to keep our laughter down. Ooops! But believe me, we needed to laugh. It felt like for each obstacle we overcame, a bigger one took its place.

We really thought that after a week or two with Molly, Karen would be calm and able to transition into her new placement. We blamed most of Karen's problematic behaviors on the woman who was left in charge of the ministry for the past year. She was not equipped to deal with difficult teens. It seemed that her behaviors were causing Karen to act out in aggressive ways.

Yesterday I apologized to that lady. She was left in a difficult situation when the leaders of the ministry just took off and never came back. She truly wasn't equipped to deal with all of the things she faced, but who would be? Karen alone requires a team of people to properly care for her. Then you add in the boys who each had their own problems. That lady did her best in a situation that was impossible to manage without a team of professionals.

After seeing that she was not the cause of Karen's behavior, it was heartbreaking to think of what must have occurred to cause Karen to become such a different person than she was three years ago. Karen has always been grumpy and somewhat defiant, but never aggressive physically or sexually.

At the same time that our hearts ached for Karen, Molly and I felt angry. Karen is, after all, a 30ish year old woman who was going after Molly's eleven year old son! We had to keep reminding ourselves to pray for Karen when we felt frustrated.

After lunch on Saturday Karen went to her room (which has an attached bathroom) and didn't come out until we went in to move her to her new placement on Monday. Even when she was in her room, we couldn't rest. We constantly listened for her to get up. We worried about how she would act once she got up and how we should react in turn. We were concerned she wasn't eating. We still had to be vigilant because if she did come out of her room, we could not allow her a single moment alone with the kids. Molly went in to make sure she was still breathing. She was.

It was a blessing that we had that little break from Karen because Sunday morning Molly received a phone call that was devastating. It was Carlos, a boy we both love. We were excited for him because for the first time in his life he was living with his father. He's spent vacations with his dad, but the plan was for him to stay with his father permanently, help out the family, and finish high school there.

All of the rest of Carlos's family lives on the streets. His brothers have been in and out of the ministry where Carlos lived since they were tiny. In they end they kept returning to the streets. When the ministry closed, it hit Carlos hardest. The founders of the ministry told him they were his family. The ministry was his home. When the left and never came back he felt abandoned by the only family he ever knew.

Life with his father seemed to be going well. He was waking up at 4 a.m. and working on a farm alongside his dad. He began looking into schools near his father's house and gathered information about them.

When he came back to get his transcripts from the school he attended last year he got a big surprise. The ministry where Carlos lived owes the school $2000 to the school! He can't get his transcripts until his part, which is $500 is paid. (That also means the rest of the kids who were dislocated probably won't be able to study.)

That was a big bummer for Carlos, but he and Molly worked out a plan. She told him to go back to his father's house, choose a school, and come back with a list of everything he will need to start the new school year in February.

After the phone call on Sunday morning I noticed she spent a long time outside, cleaning the yard. The yard is just a small patch of grass, so I wondered why she was out there so long. The kids came in and played with me. When she came in she went straight to the kitchen and washed dishes. I could tell she was crying. The kids got occupied with something and I went into the kitchen. As she wiped away tears she explained Carlos had been kicked out of his father's house by his father's wife because there was not enough food to feed everyone. Carlos was packing his clothes and expecting to live on the streets with his mother and brothers.

Oh man. That was a tough one to swallow. He couldn't come to Molly's house because he was the trigger for Karen's sexual behavior. We didn't know where he would sleep that night.

Molly has been picking up the pieces and fixing disasters for weeks. She was exhausted. As she washed dishes she asked if I know any boarding schools. I know one, but we decided it's too far. Carlos has already been kicked out by the people he considered family, and now by his biological father. Molly was hoping to find something close so she could be his family.

I remembered a friend of mine ran a sports camp at a nearby boarding school. He is my coworker and dedicates his life to helping the youth of his community. I called him to ask if he would recommend that school for Carlos. He did not recommend the boarding school where he'd run the sports camp. He said they have lots of funding, but the education and structure (or lack thereof) is not ideal.

However, he had a better idea. There is a school here, in the city, which is a good Christian school. Families who live nearby commonly host kids so they can attend and live nearby. That seemed like a perfect option for Carlos.

My friend said he was going to talk to some families who hosted kids in the past.

An hour later he called back. His own family had met. They have an extra room where Carlos can live! It has a stove and electricity. All he has to do is bring a bed.

He said he will take Carlos under his wing and keep an eye on Carlos. Carlos could even end up working at the place where my friend and I both serve!

Still, the decision would be up to Carlos. We called him, excited to share this new option, but he never answered. The next day when he still wasn't answering our hope and excitement turned to worry. What if this was all too much for him? Being kicked out of two homes in one month is heartbreaking! Molly sent messages so he would know we had come up with an option and he would not be homeless.

Finally he showed up at Molly's house the next afternoon. He was, as could be expected, very sad.

We dropped Karen off at her new placement in the morning. The transition was not easy. She was anxious. But she handled it extremely well. Today she is reported to be happy and full of laughter. The leaders of her new program are making plans to start her education so she will learn to communicate!

Meanwhile, Carlos is visiting his old school. Initially he thought he wanted to continue there. But Molly just sent me a message as I am writing this post which said they went to visit the school my friend recommended. They had a good visit with my friend and got to see where he'd be living. As Carlos got into the car to leave he said, "I think this is where God wants me to be."

As I finish typing, I take a deep breath and sigh. It really has felt like a roller coaster! Sometimes it got so intense we each shut down for a little while. Luckily those moments hit us at different times, so one of us was always able to keep going.

In the end, I am back at home resting. Molly is with Carlos and her family. She wants to give him time to reflect and pray about what his next step should be.

God loves Karen and God loves Carlos even more than Molly and I do. Although it's felt like a roller coaster, He was always in control. We pray Karen will be able to thrive in her new placement. We also pray Carlos will have a clear vision of what to do next in the midst of all this craziness.

To be continued...

Deteriorating

I wrote this on Saturday, the 21st but never got a chance to proofread and publish it:

A lot has happened in the past 24 hours!

Yesterday afternoon Molly, my friend who is caring for Karen, called. She was very upset. Karen had suddenly begun acting really strangely. Molly didn't feel safe. She also feared for the safety of her two kids.

Molly explained that Carlos, a sweet boy I know, stopped by her house. He used to live at the (now extinct) ministry with Karen. Molly figured it would be good for Karen to see a familiar face during this time of transition. At first it was fine. Then Molly noticed Karen was acting strangely. She was looking at the visiting boy in a weird way and walking differently.

After the boy left, Karen (who is thought to be about 30 years old but never got an accurate birth certificate) started staring at Molly's eleven year old son in a strange, obsessive way. Molly tried to put a stop to it, which made Karen angry.

Karen's previous caretaker told horror stories about Karen's violent behavior. Karen did not become violent yesterday, but she glared at Molly and continued staring at the young boy. She kept trying to get him alone and signaling to him she wanted to tell him a secret. The more Molly intervened, the more defiant Karen became.

Molly was concerned for the well being of her 11 year old son, as well as the safety of the household. She has raised the boy and his younger sister as her own for the past four years. She met them when they lived in the ministry where Karen lived. They suffered abuse and neglect but are finally settling into a more normal life with Molly. However, behavior like Karen's could cause a big setback in their lives.

Realizing it was a delicate situation, Molly called me for help. I flashed back to my days of working in a lock down facility for sex offenders. God prepared me well for this situation. I realized that Karen must have been triggered by the older boy's presence. I gave Molly a safety plan for her home and asked if she would like me to come and stay with her so she would have an extra set of eyes and another authority figure there. Molly was so relieved!

I still can't drive stick shift because of my ankle but Molly was more than happy to come and get me.

There was a team here, visiting from the US. I almost had to cancel a visit with them, but it all worked out perfectly. We had a nice visit. We sat in my garden and drank ginger tea and juice from the jamaica flower. I got to share with them about all of the stuff I've been working on and hear about their experience this week. They were exhausted, but clearly enjoying their time in Los Pinos. Molly arrived to pick me up 15 minutes after they left.

The first night was uneventful. Molly and I stayed up late giggling, which was a great stress relief for both of us.

Saturday we took Molly's son to soccer practice. Karen seemed fine. But after soccer she acted strange again. She kept staring at him and would not take her eyes off him. He ate lunch oblivious to her constant focus on him and then went off to play.

Karen's head swiveled around and her eyes never left him. Sometimes Molly put herself between Molly and her son. Karen glared at Molly each time. When she was corrected she got angry. She clearly knew what she was doing is wrong, but refused to stop.

She stared at the eleven year old boy like he was her favorite food and she was about to devour him in one gulp. Thank God for his youth and innocence. So far he hasn't noticed her fixation.

This afternoon/evening, Karen has been in her room. We did a sweep of the house, indoors and out. It's probably not necessary, but we made sure anything which could be used as a weapon is inaccessible.

Molly is trying to get Karen moved as soon as possible. Tomorrow she will take her to a church for deaf people. I will stay with the kids and another friend is traveling with them so Molly will not be alone in the car. On Monday morning she will move into her new placement.

Molly and I are so worried for Karen's future. If she is this aggressive and inappropriate under our watchful eye, how was she acting in previous situations if she was unsupervised? We contacted the woman who was caring for Karen most recently. As I assumed, this behavior is not new. The previous caregiver found Karen acting out sexually with a younger boy, but did not mention it to Molly.

It seems clear the behavior came about as a result of sexual abuse. Karen didn't have these sexualized behaviors three years ago when Molly lived at the ministry with Karen. These are new and very unhealthy behaviors. The new placement is still willing to take Karen, but if she acts out sexually she will have to leave. At this point it seems Karen could soon end up in a mental hospital or behind bars. It is so sad.