I thought they were joking at first. Then I thought they were talking about something temporary. But they weren't. Today someone asked me if I would consider taking care of my friend's kids. They said she is really sick.
I said, "You mean like for a while until she gets better?"
"No," they said. "Forever. If she dies."
I didn't even know my friend was sick! I thought she was busy working at a new job. When I heard she was sick I figured it was the cold bug that has been going around.
She is very sick. She is not hospitalized, but she is so sick that she can't take care of herself and had to go stay with her mother. This morning she told a mutual friend that she is as sick as she was when the doctors told her she was going to die.
My friend has Lupus. She was very, very near death about 4 years ago. But then she got better. Almost all better. She even had a baby. She and the baby were both healthy through the pregnancy. The baby was born a perfect specimen of health.
I don't know how my friend got so sick so quickly. But members of the church are thinking about who could take care of her three kids if my friend were to pass away.
From the outside I would be an obvious choice. I am almost 44 years old. Since I was a teenager I always thought I would be a wife and mother. I assumed it and I wanted it. If I am brutally honest I have to admit that being a wife and mother was my life's dream. Even this morning, before this conversation, I was thinking about the fact that it hurts me a lot to feel so incomplete in that part of my life. All I can say is that so far being a wife and mother has not been God's plan for me. That doesn't make it hurt less.
Everyone knows I love kids. I have been working with kids all of my life. But in this specific case, when asked if I would permanently take care of my friend's kids, I did not feel any sort of tug in my heart. Nothing. I love her and I love her kids. God has called me to do a lot of crazy things but this does not seem to be one of them. IF anything were to happen to my friend.
They told me to pray about it. I will. Of course we are praying foremost that my friend will be healthy again and able to care for her children.
