It's 3:30 a.m. I haven't been writing because I've had a lot to think about. Some of it was things I really didn't want to think about, so I was avoiding writing.
I bought a ticket to return to Honduras to live. When Lourdes told the kids they clapped and cheered. It was really cool. I didn't expect them to be so excited. Everyone from the states keeps asking how long I will be here. The truth is that I have no idea. The ticket I bought has a return date of December 20th, so I will go back to the US for Christmas. I imagine I will come back to Honduras after Christmas, but only God knows for sure.
Part of me feels really excited and so blessed. Some of me feels anxious. I don't like to share this sort of things on my blog, but right now I am having trouble letting go - of things, of people, of relationships, of my car, of washing machines and dryers and of medical care that I trust. Those are the main things. Oh, and my sofa. I didn't think it would be this hard. I've never thought of myself as a materialistic person. Maybe it's because of so many changes all at once. Sometimes my mind can't grasp it. Sometimes my mind can grasp it and it feels overwhelming. When I get overwhelmed I feel guilty that I am not being appreciative of this amazing opportunity. I've been praying about it. Need to get my brain and my heart on the same page.
I remind myself how many people wish they could do what I'm doing. (Yes, Mom, there are others out there.) I remind myself how long and hard I worked to be at this point. I am exactly where I've wanted to be for three years! Usually when I think about those things I feel very blessed. Except right now, at 3:30 in the morning, when I can't sleep because I keep having dreams about things I don't want to dream about, my face in covered in bug bites and I have rashes on my arms.
I keep getting this strange rash. It itches so much that it wakes me up at night. I've tried hydrocortizone. I've even tried Preparation H. Anything to stop the itching. It seems to always happen on the underside of my forearm or the right side of where my neck meets my shoulder. I'm going to ask the doctor about it when he comes tomorrow. Everyone here has different opinions ranging from mosquito bites to allergies.
Everything is set now for Lourdes and Jairo to visit SLC. The whole family is taking a vacation together. They are so excited, they can hardly think about anything else. I love seeing them so excited. It will be great for them to get away from their busy lives and spend time together as a family. It will also be good for them to be on someone else's turf, where they are not the "go to" people for every problem that comes up. They really need this vacation.
Misael was sick again today. Most of the kids have a horrible cough - another reason I wish I were sleeping right now. Need to keep my body strong against all of those germy kids. Misael was coughing so hard he was vomiting for about a half an hour. Once his cough calmed down a little, his mom took him home. Tomorrow the Dr will be coming, so she might bring him in for that. Or she might take him to the hospital. Poor little guy. We all thought he was getting better.
Lots of good things have been going on. I've been busy with things other than dreams and rashes. I'll write about those tomorrow. Now it's time for some prayer and (hopefully dreamless) sleep.
Good night.
