Feeling Helpless

I feel so helpless!

Ana just called to thank me for a bag of school supplies I sent to the church with Fany yesterday.

When I talked to Ana last week to plan Isabela's birthday she told me she was stressed out. Ana's never stressed. Even when she has no food in the house or when she is diagnosed with cancer she doesn't get stressed. She prays and has faith God will take care of everything.

However, this year she is facing a new situation. Normally she spends about $75 on the kids at the start of the school year, but this year she has not been able to save money. All of the kids wore through their backpacks last year. Their uniform pants are too short and they have no basic supplies.

Usually they receive some supplies from the government through the church. But this year the government donation was extremely small and it has to stretch for all of the kids of the breakfast program. Now that school started back up the church is serving less kids, but there are still about 70 kids with very few supplies to go around.

Impacto Juvenil hasn't handed anything out yet. I'm hoping they do this week. Ana's kids already have homework they can't do because they are supposed to do it with a two subject notebook, which they don't have. This will affect their grades. And there is nothing I can do.

Ana has been taking in clothes to wash (by hand) in order to make money. She washed so many clothes she can't lift her arms. Her back and neck are a mess too. She said she was blessed recently by a neck massage by a friend from the US, which helped a lot, but the doctor wants her to take medication which she hasn't been able to buy. She won't buy the medication for herself until her children have school supplies. Even though she can't lift her arms.

This started weeks ago, when the team from the US was here. At that time she asked for ibuprofen and blamed it on making pupusas for over 100 people. She never mentioned washing tons of laundry by hand.

She probably wouldn't have let it slip that she can't lift up her arms, but she was explaining that she is cutting back to only volunteering two days each week now at the breakfast program because she is exhausted. Between washing laundry for neighbors, cooking for Impacto Juvenil, and volunteering at the church, she feels overwhelmed.

She was told she is putting money before God when she decided to cut back to two days per week at the church. To that she responded that she knows God would want her to work to feed and clothe her kids. She said she has had a lot of quiet time with God and that's what she feels called to do, so no matter what others say, she has peace.

Gosh. I am so frustrated. I feel angry, partly because I can't get out of bed and help her. I also think it's unfair that she works so hard and still is not able to provide for her kids. Never mind a medication so she can use her arms. In reality she is working three jobs - at the church, for Impacto Juvenil, and now washing clothes. On top of that she's a single mom, raising four kids. How could she not be overwhelmed?

I was thinking about back to school time for when I was a child. I had so many new clothes, I often wouldn't wear the same outfit twice for more than a week. David and Jired need PENS. They have one uniform each from last year and the pants are too short. I just can't imagine.

Somehow, God provided everything for Samuel. I had most of it here in my closet. I never knew it was waiting in my closet to go to their house.

I'm waiting to see if Molly plans to go into Los Pinos tomorrow. If she is headed that way I'm going to ask her to pick up two notebooks and the medication for Ana. A friend of mine offered to help Ana with school supplies the last time I wrote about Ana's situation in my blog. I think now the only thing they need are two backpacks and uniforms. But that will have to wait until I can drive.

Ana said her stress is not emotional. She has faith that God will provide for her children to study. She says once she can stop working so much she will feel better. She's right, I just wish I could help.

***** Update***** Molly just called. She doesn't have time to buy the stuff before her trip into Los Pinos tomorrow morning. But she will buy it and take it to Ana on Wednesday. Ana is happy and appreciative.

Rest and more rest

Welcome to my 900th post! This blog has really taken off lately. I'm very happy to report that we average about 350 readers now. Today alone we have almost 1000 and it's only noon! WOW!

Friday morning I decided abruptly to have a day without any communication outside of email. I logged out of Facebook, and put my phone away. It felt so good I continued Saturday and Sunday ignoring WhatsApp and Messenger.

This morning I figured I better check my messages before the mass accumulation became too overwhelming. I was also worried about my church, since there were over 100 from the women's church group alone.

The group messages were mostly people sending smiley faces and thumbs up signs. Honduran women love those cartoon character messenges. They can carry on long "conversations" with no words, just silly faces.

At least the church was fine. Last week we got to church to find a thief had broken in through a window during the night and stolen our musical equipment! It was quite a feat considering we are on the second floor and the first floor is extra tall because it's built to drive tractor trailers inside. I was worried he returned and stole the rest of the church's possessions.

I got back to the two people who asked about my ankle, called my Mom, and now my phone is hidden away again. Sometimes it's nice to hide away from the crappy things that are going on in the world right now.

So, here's a little wrap up. The day I got off bed rest I went to work for three hours. The three hours were spent seated, with my foot elevated. When I got home I was in a lot of pain and my ankle was swollen more than usual. I rested Friday. Saturday I went to a church meeting where I sat for two hours. During the meeting my foot swelled and hurt a lot by the time I got home. Sunday I went to church. Three hours later my ankle was killing me. I did move around at church, taking some photos, and standing during the standing parts. Monday I went to work. After sitting for two hours in meetings my ankle was bursting out of my shoe and hurt a lot. Tuesday I rested but was still in pain.

Wednesday I sent my doctor a photo of the ankle which I took after work on Monday. I explained that every time I do anything, even for only 2-3 hours, my ankle swells and hurt. He said I could come in for a consult if I'd like to, but that this is normal. He said to ice it and go back on bed rest for a week or two. It just needs more time to heal.

I've been back on bed rest again for 5 days now. This morning I woke up and it was much less swollen so I was going to go for a little walk. I showered. By the time I got out of the shower it was reddish purple and swollen again. Frustrating!

I may go for a walk tomorrow, just to get things moving a little and see how I do. I want to see how I feel JUST walking, without driving. I think it's the clutch that is bothering my foot more than anything, so I figure that will be a good test.

This week is a missionary retreat. I had to give up my spot to someone else. That was a bummer. I never usually see North Americans (besides Molly). I was looking forward to some time to sing in English and eat North American food. Oh well.

Fany has been out of town a lot. While Laura is on vacation from school they try to spend as much time as possible with her husband's family. It gets a little boring around here without them. Good thing I enjoy alone time.

Fany says Don Chano is still in a lot of pain from falling off the horse. He was a perfect patient when he was here with Fany. Now that he is at home with his wife he is demanding and grumpy. He's not used to resting.

Lately I've spent a lot of time working on my taxes, reading and coloring in my adult coloring book.

I sent some extra school supplies that I had sitting around the house to Ana yesterday. Fany delivered them for me. I hope once she has donations from the government and from Impacto Juvenil that she will have most everything she needs.

I also sent a stuffed animal for Isa. We were supposed to celebrate her birthday last week, but Isa was sick on her birthday. We rescheduled for the day after, but she was still sick. Then I got put back on bed rest and the boys started school so we had to put off the celebration. Ana says Isa undertands. I sure hope so.