My First Performance?

Ready for a good laugh?

In 2009 I took violin lessons for 6 months. I didn't work that hard at it, but enjoyed it a lot and my teacher said I have natural talent.

While I was in the US I got a violin. After I got back to Honduras, I sat down for the first time in seven years and played. It was great! For eleven days I've played every day for an hour or two. I am surprised at my self discipline, although it's less about self discipline and more that I really love to play!

Some days I'm surprised at how quickly I'm improving. Other days, like today, I am reminded that I am still a squeaky beginner. And finding the right notes is really hard on a violin.

Last week I posted a video of myself playing the violin on Facebook. The video was not supposed to be about my playing. It was about how Jetty, my cat, was interrupting my practice. She  kept climbing onto my shoulder, headbutting me and the violin. (It think my playing may have been causing her physical pain.)

Since then I've gotten serious complements on my playing. I don't play well. I'm still playing Three Blind Mice and Jingle Bells. I know how to play exactly 9 notes. I learned how to play half notes on Sunday. Eighth notes were Monday's lesson. In the US I would say I am learning to play the violin. But in Honduras, either you play or you don't. And they've seen that I play. I posted it on Facebook! So by Honduran standards, I play the violin.

Tonight I was asked to play for a big event with the dance team with my church. I went into my big explanation about how I've only been playing for eleven days. They said yes, but you already knew how to play, so you'll be fine. The event is in 10 days. (They said that like 10 days is a lot of time to practice.)

I really do want to play, but I really don't think I'm good enough yet. So I explained that to them and said they can send me the music and I'll see if I can play it.

No, they said, you don't even need to learn any music. We are doing a free flowing (jam session) time of music. You will be accompanying a piano. You can just play as the Holy Spirit moves you. WHAT!????? I'm supposed to just "jam" on my violin. As if that would be easier!

I drove home thinking about all of this. In the US we wait until we are prepared, then we say that we are able to do something. In Honduras people step out in faith, or step out in the process of learning.

I have a friend in Honduras who is at school to be a doctor. I was shocked to see a photo of her on Facebook in her very first year wearing a white jacket that says "doctor" on it. That would never fly in the US until she had the actual degree in her hand. She is doing all sorts of hands on things that we wouldn't do until we were years into our studies in the US. It's the same with dentists, psychologists... Sometimes it really freaks me out. Sometimes I think it's cool.

One of the times I think it's really cool is at talent shows. At talent shows in Honduras people of all ages participate. They don't wait until they are good at something. They stand up in front of everyone with no shame and do what they love, whether they are "good" at it or not. I love watching Honduran talent shows. It's not a competition, it's about sharing what you love with others.

So, I am going to take the Honduran approach. I am going to practice with the dance team at their rehearsal. If I am not a distraction to their dancing, I will perform with them the next day. The leader of the dance team is sending me a link about how to "free flow". And I do have ten whole days to practice. Hahaha! This is going to be interesting.

Yesterday I took Ana and her family to the movies. It was their first time ever in a movie theater. They were perfectly behaved. They didn't speak or wiggle during the movie, except to go to the bathroom. Isabella is freaking me out. She talks like an adult! Samuel is seven years old now and Jired is about to turn 18. It was a super nice day. The movie is half price on Tuesdays. Tickets were only $2.50 each. We have plans to go back next week to see The Secret Life of Pets.

Ana and her family

Monday Rainy Monday

My boss was really excited to hear that we have 73 books to start a library in Nueva Suyapa. I think she was actually shocked. She left to go on vacation and I was talking about the idea of starting a library. She came back and we have 73 books in Spanish! (Everyone is always careful to clarify that the books are in Spanish. I think a lot of books have been donated in English which have gone unused.) I guess 73 books is quite an accomplishment. I don't mean to sound greedy and I am sooooo appreciative of what we already have, but I am dreaming bigger now. We'll see how these books are received, but I am hoping for hundreds of books!

I have officially conquered the first half of my first violin lesson. Good thing I bought the first three lessons! I can't believe how disciplined I am about practicing. I haven't missed a day yet and it feels great! Jetty, however, does not enjoy my playing as much. I've started practicing standing up as much as possible because I read that posture can make a big difference in playing the violin. The Chikungunya limits the length of time I can stand, but I'm doing what I can. Today when I started playing a high D, Jetty tried to climb up my body from behind. She then got her nails clipped, which limited her climbing for the rest of my practice session.

It's been raining almost every day at 4:30 p.m. I absolutely love this weather. Hot during the day, and then it cools off and rains all night. It's perfect.

In Honduras there are several rainy seasons. The main one you'll hear about is supposed to come in May. But since I've lived here it comes late or not at all. Then there are a few weeks of rain in September and a few weeks of rain in January. In January it can also be dark and really cold. I don't like that one so much. This season in September, when it rains each evening just as you're arriving home and thunders as you are falling asleep, is my kind of rain. Perfect for violin playing.

Tomorrow I am picking up Ana and her family after the kids get home from school. We are going to see the movie "The BFG" and eat hot dogs and popcorn. Ana told me yesterday that she does not want me to walk on the streets of Los Pinos anymore. She said it's not like before. It's no longer safe.

She is doing better in her house. They arrested the main perpetrator who was shooting all of the time near her house. But gangs have taken over the house of the man who is in jail and it is still not safe.

It is hard for my coworkers to serve in Los Pinos. They have not been able to do home visits to some of the families they serve because of safety issues. Today I suggested that they ask the families to meet them out on the main street. At least that way they could meet the kids' parents. Things are also difficult for my coworkers at their home base in Los Pinos. They may be changing locations soon. We will still serve within Los Pinos, but from a different home base.

Violin Practice

Practicing my violin 1 & 1/2 - 2 hours/day doesn't leave much time for blogging, but I am loving it! Today I got past where I was after six months of lessons with my violin teacher. I still have to go back and clean things up, but I'm feeling great on this new adventure!

Jetty has finally gotten used to me playing. She still gets anxious when I go above middle C, but she's not being as forceful in her attempts to distract me.

I can feel the day coming when I won't be able to Google my questions and will need a live teacher again. Not really looking forward to that day. Nobody can replace my first teacher, Mr. Meyers.

Last Days in NY

Okay, so NY was great. After the reunion I moved into a room at my BFF's parent's hotel. They let me stay there for free, which was super nice.

I got to spend time with my friend Andrea, who is going through a rough time in her life, but handling everything with grace. She drove over an hour to see me in the midst of her crazy life and we had a good time letting loose together.

I was also invited by a family I've never met before to have dinner and discuss what I am doing in Honduras. They have served short term missions here, so it was nice to be their connection to Honduras and to eat stuffed shells!

I got to have two days of quality time with my friend Kelly and her family. Her kids absolutely freaked me out. I saw her oldest daughter before she was walking. Now they are in college! One of her daughters looks and acts just like Kelly. It's like being with Kelly when Kelly was that age. Only her daughter is less shy than Kelly. The other daughter is more serious and focused. She is going on to law school! Kelly's son is hilarious. He kept coming up with these funny one liners and we would all look at eachother and laugh. At one point he said, "I hope I have old friends who visit me when I'm old. I think I'll need a laugh by that point." I guess he thinks his mother and I are old. And we laugh a lot. He was super well mannered and sweet. Being around them made me wish I could see them more often.

Kelly and I went on some adventures. Her eldest plays in the local professional band, so we went to see them play at the local nursing home where Kelly's Mom has to live now. Kelly's Mom has lost a lot of her memory and her father is 89 years old. He still runs his own store and climbs trees to sit in tree stands for deer hunting. He's in great shape. But they realized the best thing for her mom is professional care. I felt sad for Kelly's Dad. He is doing everything within his power to make the most of his life but I can't imagine how he feels being alone in the home where he raised his family.

It was good to see Kelly's father. I also got to see my high school swim coach. She was also my boss when I lifeguarded in the summers during high school. She is the person who taught me how to swim the butterfly. I was so happy to be able to tell her that I taught three people in Honduras how to fly and a hundred more how to swim.

Kelly and I also went to get my favorite ice cream in the world. Honduras has horrible cake and horrible ice cream. Desserts are not a big thing here. Probably because they are not very good. I had a chocolate/vanilla twist at Mercers which I am still dreaming about.

I'm holding Kelly's cone while she takes the picture.

Afterward we went to the pools, which is a spot on the river where nice swimming holes formed in the rocks. It was my favorite hang out in high school. Kelly said she hasn't been there since we were young, even though it's close to her house. I think it was as good for her as it was for me, to get out and see some of the fun things there are to do in our little village.

We stayed up late talking, just like teenagers, only this time her kids joined us. Kelly has a wonderful life with her kids and a successful dancing school, but I think she enjoyed a little change of pace while I was in town.

I also got to spend time with my friend Tim. He was the one who took the time and spent a bunch of money to fix up a car for me to drive while I was in New York. He seemed to enjoy fixing up the car, but I know he had other things that he could have used that money for. The good news is, he just got called to go back to work after being laid off for a long time. So he was free to hang out with me while I was in town and now he'll be busy working again. He and I had a great time together. We went to the reunion stuff, to the firemen's field days, and he ate dinner with me whenever I was free. He and his father also drove all of the way to the airport to pick up the car when I was done, so that I wouldn't have to go 3 hours out of my way on the day I flew out. I am very appreciative of all Tim did for me to make my trip a good one. He is a good friend.

After seeing everything and everyone I could, I headed off to Syracuse. The only person I missed was one lady, Linda. But I couldn't get in contact with her. In Syracuse I met up with my old boss from college and we went to surprise one of our friends who is a musician. Turned out the owner of the venue where our friend was playing is also an old friend, so it was like a big reunion.

Jack had also received my violin in the mail. He took it to a friend of his and asked them to see if it needed any work. They said it was in great shape. They just polished it up and sent it along to me. He also got me a music stand which fit in my luggage perfectly. I was super grateful that he took the time to do that and put the violin into my hands.

From there I went to Ithaca, where my college roommate's father was being honored at Cornell University. They planted a lot of rare trees in his memory and dedicated them in his name. My college roommate lives in London. We haven't seen eachother since the day she was married 20 years ago. It was nice to spend a little time getting to know her husband and meet her children for the first time. I was honored to be invited to the dedication.

Jack and I planned to spend more time together Saturday evening, but he was sick, so I ended up hanging out with my friend Jamie, the musician. I was eager to hear him play his original music, as he had been doing a Bruce Springsteen tribute the night before. Unfortunately, a huge storm rolled in and he was playing outside, so I got to hear two songs before we packed up all of his equipment and left. We did go out for a very nice dinner and he introduced me to a good friend of his who is now a generous supporter. I miss nice dinners like that when I'm in Honduras. It was delicious.

The next morning I drove to Saratoga Springs where I spent the last 48 hours with my high school friend Ingrid. We talked about high school and were surprised at how much we had going on in our lives that, although we were good friends, we never shared with anyone. I thought that was kind of sad. We could have trusted one another, but for some reason we each kept our personal struggles to ourselves.

First I caught her up on the past 28 years of my life. Then she caught me up on the past 28 years of hers. We had two really nice dinners at her house. I've never enjoyed beef stroganoff as much as I enjoyed hers. We had plans to sit out on her deck, but we never got around to it. I guess that gives me a good excuse to go back!

It was so nice to see everyone and to realize that the people who were special in my life are still special. Time has passed, but we still connected like when we were kids. I did a lot of messed up things as a teen, but I did one thing well. I chose good friends. I loved being with every one of them.

The fundraising did not go as I hoped. But investing my time in reestablishing relationships was extremely healing for me. I think it also made people more genuinely interested in what I am doing and why I am in Honduras. A lot of people I saw in NY are following me more closely on Facebook. They also responded well to my newsletter. If they donate now it will come from the heart because they sincerely care about my mission and the people I am serving. I think that was God's plan all along.

I never thought I'd say this, but I hope to get back to New York soon. Besides horrible airline experiences, it was one of my best times in the US to date.

Breasts, Babies and Bookshelves

Two things have been on my mind lately, before I finish writing about the trip to NY.

First, at the literacy class two weeks ago one of my students mentioned that she has a lump in her breast. I can't remember how it came up. She said it hurts when she sleeps on her back and if she wears a bra. She went to the doctor once and he told her she needs treatment. (I didn't understand exactly what treatment, but I don't think she did either.) She can't afford to go back to the doctor now. That situation has been weighing heavy on my heart.

In this culture, the people cover their legs more than in the US, but they are not shy about covering from the waist up. Men stand on the street with their shirt pulled up as if they are airing out their bellies. Usually it's the men with the biggest bellies who roll the bottom of their shirt up to their chest and stand there with their bellies hanging out. It is a strange thing to get used to. Women nurse openly in public and nobody pays any attention. They also generally wear more low cut blouses.

So, I wasn't surprised when my student told me to feel her lump. It's actually the second time I've been asked to feel a lump in someone's breast. This one was pretty big and it didn't feel round.

That same day she showed me a picture she had drawn with colored pencils I gave them before I went to NY. The picture was a baby boy, curled up in a ball, inside of something blue. I knew immediately what it was. A baby inside of a mother's stomach. She showed me the drawing and said, "This is my boy. They took him away and nobody took a picture of him. I never got to name him, but he was a boy."

My heart ached. I know she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for years. I didn't know that she had ever gotten pregnant. I have seen the photos she talked about. It's hard to see a photo of a dead baby, even though you know it was taken with love for a mother who needed that picture to remember her child. My student really wanted a picture of her baby. So there, among the pages of her homework, she drew her son. I should have told her he was beautiful.

The other thing that's been on my mind is much more pleasant. A friend of a friend has a ministry sending books to kids in Central America. My friend put us in contact with when I published something on Facebook about wanting to start a library for my club of 25 kids. The lady sent us 65 books! Two more friends mailed books to NY for me to pick up while I was there. We now have 73 books to start our library.

Laura has been going nuts because she knows the books are not mine and will not be in my house for long. Fany is reading until her voice is hoarse. They read 18 books in two days. Then they started Charlotte's Web, which slowed their pace a little. But Laura decided that "the life of that poor pig is too sad". It made her cry the first night. She prefers to read happier things.

Yesterday I did something sort of manipulative. I'm not sure I needed to be manipulative, but I didn't dare chance it.

I've been eyeing a locked bookcase in the room where our club meets. It is full of wonderful books, but all of them are in English. The US Embassy sponsors an English class which meets in the same space as our club. The bookcase and the books belong to them. My coworker is responsible for the English classes. He works part time with me and part time with the US Embassy.

Yesterday I approached him and asked how their youth camp had gone to start the conversation. I was interested in the youth camp, but I admit I had ulterior motives. When he finished telling me about the camp I said that I had some books, and since I know that he handles all of the books I wondered if he may have any ideas as to how I should manage these books.

He said he only lends books to parents. The parents come because the kids need the books to do their homework. But my books are mostly fiction. I couldn't imagine parents coming in to borrow fictional books. I said I would have to figure out a way to lend them directly to the kids. He said that when he was a child they had a library and kids left their student ID when they borrowed a book. He suggested that I do the same.

He said the kids will love books in Spanish. They really need them to do their homework, he said. I didn't know how to break it to him that I wanted to bring in a bunch of fiction. I said there are some nonfiction books about Christianity and animals, but my intention in building the library was for kids to be able to read for pleasure. I said I want them to get so lost in a story that they can forget all of the chaos around them. He was taken aback, but I could tell he liked the idea. He warned me that reading for fun is unheard of in this culture. He said I will have to educate the kids and change their way of thinking, because they are brought up to see books as tools they use for school. I said I am looking forward to taking on that challenge. I know reading won't be for everyone, but if even a few want to read they will now have access to books. He seemed very pleased.

Then I asked if he had any ideas about where I might store the books. He said there are many duplicates in his bookcase. I told him I had noticed that and thought maybe if we put some of the duplicates behind one another, we could fit more books in the bookcase. He said sure! It will be a time consuming task, but his books need organizing anyway. I suggested alphabetically by author so he could keep track of his inventory. He said he knew that some libraries do that. So I agreed to organize his books and he agreed to let me have space in his locked book shelves! Win-Win!! We now have books and a locked bookshelf in the club!

NY Trip Part 2

I'm so concerned I am going to leave out someone, or something important! The trip to NY was a great experience outside of the numerous blunders by American Airlines. I want to remember them all.

Kim and I had eaten pizza. We drove past my old house, which I didn't even recognize because all of the trees were cut down. I made her drive by three times. Then we took a little tour of all of our old stomping grounds. I was amazed by how green everything was, although Northern NY is currently in a drought. The last time I was there, everything felt so depressed. Although now I wonder if maybe it was me.

This time the lawns were all well kept. Houses seemed freshly painted. Everyone was driving new cars. It even SMELLED SO GOOD! I couldn't stop smelling the air. A few people thought I was nuts, I'm sure. But they have never smelled the air in Honduras. It can get a little rank here. I don't remember it ever smelling so good in Colorado or Chicago or Salt Lake, but Northern NY smelled delicious.

On my second full day I attended the first part of the reunion and got to see my friend Kelly. I think I might have freaked her out. She looked so beautiful! Who do you know that is even more beautiful in their late 40's than as a teen? Nobody except my friend Kelly. It was absolutely crazy. I kept telling her how incredible she looked over and over.

The next day was the reunion. I got to see former neighbors and friends from high school. I got to talk to people I would have never dared speak to when I was younger and you know what? They are just regular people. I got to reminisce with high school cohorts about our crazy antics.

My friend Andrea drove up and spent the whole day with me. That was pretty special. She has been fighting depression for years now. But she managed to get herself out of the house and enjoy the weekend. I was proud of her and happy to get the opportunity to see her. We stayed out late and enjoyed ourselves just like we did as teens.

I didn't get to do the fundraising I planned. At the time it felt like I was really failing in my whole purpose of being there, but looking back I am glad I got to focus on spending quality time with people rather than asking for money.

NY Trip Part 1

I was supposed to go to a devotional today, but for the first time ever, I missed it. I woke up plenty early, but I had to wait at home for books to be delivered. Remember a few weeks ago I said I wanted to start a library? Well, thanks to a few generous donations and one lady whose ministry is to create libraries, I now have 73 books sitting on my bed. Most are fiction, which was my goal. Some are Christian and some are also educational. It seems like a great balance. At least Laura is having a good time. She may keep Fany busy all night reading, if Fany allows.

So, back to my trip to NY. I am still not ready to talk about my trip with American Airlines. I was lied to and treated horribly by them. The worst part was, so was everyone around me. They were horrible from before I stepped onto the first plane until 24 hours after I got off the last plane, when I they illegally snuck my luggage through customs and did a shady hand-off outside of security. At least I am alive and I have my luggage. For that I can be thankful.

I was picked up from the airport by one of my closest friends as a teenager. We haven't seen eachother since we graduated in 1988, but we keep in touch on Facebook, which is so nice! I spent my first four days in New York with her. We ate NY style pizza, stayed up late talking, and did all of our high school's reunion stuff together. She shuttled me around. I got to meet her boyfriend, who will become her husband next year. He's a super nice guy. I also got to meet her son, who has Asperger's. I instantly loved him. He is a great kid. To me, it was not so obvious that there was anything different about him right away. Most of his eccentricities are positive things in the environment where I got to know him. But he does struggle at school and socially with peers sometimes. I just thought he was great.

My friend and her son were two of the very first people to ever support the idea of me moving to Honduras. When I was here visiting in 2009 they kept up with my blog. He raised money for the kids I was serving and she sent me encouraging messages almost every day. She knew that I was being called to live here before I did. When I finally talked about it publicly, she already knew what was coming.

While I was there, Facebook posted one of those "memory" things that said, "On this day 7 years ago..."  On that day 7 years ago I had written, "Should I sell everything I own and move to Honduras?" and she had quickly responded, "Follow your heart!"

I loved sharing that memory while I was staying in her home with her on that day seven years later.

Please excuse any typos. I am going for quantity of quality here. I spent all day typing out my monthly newsletter and a few of the thank you notes I owe to people. It's now 10 hours later and my eyes are not capable of proofreading. Maybe tomorrow...

Back in Honduras

The tropical storm did come. In fact it was supposed to turn into a hurricane a few hours after I got out of here. But we did a little loop to the West and flew ahead of the storm. Fany said it didn't even rain down here. It stayed more North and worsened as it hit Belize.

My time in New York was even better than I hoped. It didn't go as I expected. I really didn't focus on fundraising, although I tried. It just didn't work out. Instead, I reconnected on a deeper level with a lot of people I haven't seen in many years. I'm pretty sure that was God's plan all along. At the very least it was much more fun that fundraising.

I'll go into more detail about the trip another day, when my brain is less fuzzy. I came home and jumped right into work, so I haven't had time to recuperate.

Today at church people asked me if I was returning to Honduras relaxed. Man that drives me nuts! I was gone 13 days. Of that time, more then 48 hours was spent traveling to and from Honduras (and fighting with American Airlines, which I won't get into here). While I was in the US, I moved from place to place, saw people I haven't seen since I was a teenager and stayed up late most nights catching up. It was really, really fun! But relaxing, it was not.

In fact, since I became a missionary, no trip to the US has ever been relaxing. There have been a few random days of relaxation, which are usually spent with my mother asking me why I don't get out of bed.

The thing I learned from this trip is that I really love where I grew up. I never loved it as a kid. In fact, I couldn't wait to get out of there. Later, I never had the desire to go back. I was surprised at how excited I was for this trip. Finally, at 45 years old, I was ready to go back and face the place where I was raised.

What I learned is that I am more loved by more people there than I ever realized. I also learned that it is not the depressing, dumpy place my memory turned it into. It's beautiful! I got to eat great food, go back to all of my favorite places, and reestablish relationships with people who hadn't forgotten about me the way I assumed they had.

It is such a blessing to hang out with people you were close to as a child and realize that, although you haven't seen them in 25 years, you still completely enjoy their company as a mature adult. I messed up a lot of things as a teen, but choosing friends is one thing I did well. I have great friends in New York!

To Be Continued...

Mopey in Honduras

I'm bummed.

There's a tropical storm coming in tonight that's supposed to hit full force right as I am scheduled to fly out tomorrow.

I broke down and colored my hair because I had crazy grey sideburns. It turned out exactly how I didn't want it. (I call it red but everyone else calls it blonde. Whatever it is, I don't like it.)

And the stupid Chikungunya has me hurting so much I wondered if I could make it three blocks home from the salon. I really thought I was getting better last week but yesterday and today have been awful. So I'm also beating myself up emotionally for allowing myself to believe I was better when really I shouldn't start to feel better for another month.

Plus my floor is dirty and my back hurts too much to mop it. I still have to finish packing, visit a friend, find out if the coffee I ordered as gifts is going to arrive in time or not, and go to the bank. All while I just want to lie in bed.

I'm having a big old pity party for myself today. I don't do this much, so I guess it's okay.

Yesterday Fany decided they had to spray insecticide on the plants. In the past she told me she never will to do that because it would kill my cat. But suddenly yesterday it was necessary and she denied the stories she had told me about dead dogs from the last time she sprayed. So they sprayed the garden last night. The funny thing is that Jetty normally runs in and out all evening. Last night she didn't meow at the door once. She must have known not to go outside? I let her out this morning, although Fany's husband said I only needed to wait five minutes. He also tried to tell me that the insecticide (or "venom" as they call it) is not toxic. Yeah, right. So far Jetty seems fine.

A Day of Contrasts

Just got back from buying eggs. Usually I walk over with Fany. We both like the exercise but she didn't feel like going this this time.

It's not far. It's the next colonia, only a block away from the front gates of my colonia. But it's not gated, so life there is much different even though it's so close.

I was walking slowly because I'm in a lot of pain today from the Chikungunya. More than I've pain than I've felt in over a week. I hoped it was easing up all together but clearly it hasn't.

Even after four years, every once in awhile I feel like a stranger here. Sometimes it's when someone talks really fast and I can't keep up with the conversation. Today the smells felt extra pungent as I headed to the grocery store. They were sour and rotten and they stung my nose. I felt out of place.

A man saw me and broke out in song, something from the seventies, to show me he knows English. He wouldn't make eye contact, but he sang to me. I find people do that frequently - yell out sayings or something random, whatever English they know. Sometimes it's more intelligible than others. The guy today was pretty good. He had me whistling the song most of the way home, although I've forgotten what it was now.

At the store you can buy individual eggs for two Lempiras. That's like five cents. Sometimes they have chicken poop still on them. The other choices are trays of ten or fifteen eggs. They don't sell a dozen eggs here, which still seems odd to me. I picked up fifteen, thinking I'll give the rest to Fany when I leave.

On the way home the backs of my knees hurt so I spent some extra time resting with the avocado/papaya lady. Her son, Emmanuel, is a handful. He starts kindergarten next year. As we were talking he walked up to her fruit stand, which is a slab of plywood on top of some crates, reached into his pants, pulled out his penis and stood their urinating into a box. His mom began to tell him to stop, only because I was present I'm sure, but it was clear there was no stopping him. It was also clear this wasn't the first time he's done that.

The lady who sells tamales next to the fruit stand was talking on the phone. First I heard her say, "They killed seven." Then I heard her say, "They killed one right here on Friday at two o'clock in the afternoon." Then she spit like a man spits chewing tobacco, although I am pretty sure she didn't have any chewing tobacco. Usually I figure 2 pm is a fairly safe hour to be over there. But I have noticed for the last week or so the gunfire has increased. In fact I could hear gunshots when I was writing my earlier blog entry.

It's good I'll be gone for a couple of weeks. Hopefully thing will cool down while I'm away. Fany and I had to stop shopping there for about a month around Easter because it got too dangerous. I am going to tell her what the lady said so at least she can be aware.

While I was eavesdropping on the phone conversation, Emmanuel asked me to hold a green plastic doll so he could show me how fast he can run. I supply him with vitamins. At first he wasn't thrilled about taking them. I told him if he remembers to take them every day, he'll grow big and strong. Now he loves to show me how fast and strong he is.

Emmanuel took off running and he really is crazy fast. Then he came back and I gave him the doll back. He told me the doll kills cockroaches and rats. Even the biggest rats, he said. I acted astounded. Then he told me the doll also kills gringas. At that point every person on the street looked at me to see how I (the gringa) would respond. What could I do? I had to laugh.

He ran up and down the street yelling that he was killing gringas with the doll. It was quite embarrassing, but I pretended it wasn't. I couldn't leave at that point or everyone would think my feelings were hurt. So I stuck around a few more minutes.

Emmanuel's mother talked about how "tremendous" (that means naughty) Emmanuel is. I agreed that his teacher will have her hands full when he goes to kindergarten. After some more small talk I said goodbye to the small crowd that had gathered and left.

Emmanuel is coughing and hacking with a bad chest cold. Everyone here has it. Probably because literally NOBODY covers their mouth. They blame their sickness on the weather. I blame it on lack of education as to how germs are spread.

While I was at the grocery store a man sneezed so hard I'm surprised nothing fell off the shelves. He didn't even attempt to cover his mouth. It was seriously one of the most powerful sneezing I have ever seen. I felt disgusted.

Laura has the same cold as Emmanuel. Fany tells her to cover her mouth (with her hand) when I am around. Otherwise I hear her coughing all over, unsuppressed.

I'm thinking about those signs they have in restaurants in the US which show how to do the Heimlich Maneuver. I wish someone would print up a bunch of signs showing the importance of covering your mouth when you sneeze or cough. I would hang them on every street corner and paste them to my forehead.

Between the smells, Emmanuel peeing and killing gringas, the man sneezing all over the grocery store, people singing to me in broken English, the lady spitting like a baseball pitcher, and people being killed in the middle of the afternoon, I felt like an outsider in Honduras today. It was a grand contrast to the connection I felt with coworkers this morning.

Special hello today to Kelly Cataldo! She and I grew up together. I was in her wedding. I remember when she had her first baby. And then I moved away. Back then there wasn't the internet, or cell phones. It was harder to stay in contact. Now she has three kids, two of whom are in college! I'm really looking forward to seeing her when I go back to my old stomping grounds. We have so much to catch up about! My dad used to tease us about the way we'd giggle when we were little girls. We'd talk and talk and giggle and giggle. I'm guessing not much has changed in that aspect. Looking forward to talking and laughing with Kelly again.

No Matter the Cost

This morning everyone was shocked to see me at work. I don't leave until Wednesday for my trip to New York, but coworkers have been asking since last week if my suitcases are packed. To go to the United States is such a big deal for them. They can't imagine that I wouldn't pack all of my best clothes at least a week in advance.

When I said I hadn't packed yet, one coworker said, "Oh, I see. You haven't packed because you're going to buy everything new once you get there." In her mind the US is a land of abundance. Everything is better and cheaper than whatever Honduras has to offer. She knows me well and knows I am "thrifty" with money. I was surprised she thought I'd go to the US with nothing and buy a whole new wardrobe for the two weeks I'm there. I assured her I am not doing that.

In our devotional we sang a beautiful song. It was a prayer pleading with God to change the problems of Honduras. The words were really touching. My coworker said, "This is a really sad song. Look, people are crying." I looked around and realized I was sitting there with the very people who are fighting hardest for Honduras. Many of them were crying for the state of their country.

One line of the song was "No matter the cost, save Honduras." That is exactly how they think of what they are doing. Their lives continue to be threatened. As recently as yesterday one of them received a death threat. They have moved their families to undisclosed locations in other countries. (Most say they are in the US. I don't know.)

Through programs that function within my organization, Honduras is changing. The school system is changed. Teachers are being held to a higher standard. Kids are receiving over 200 days of school instead of less than 100 days. That is remarkable.

The health care system is changing. They are making sure medicine is not stolen or horded, but that gets to where it's needed and that people who are on the payrolls actually show up to work for their check.

They are also changing the way that rapists are prosecuted, as well as the way children who are victims of sexual abuse are treated during the trial process. They've cleaned up so much already.

But the hardest fight of all is the fight against the corruption within the police. That's what brought death threats as well as armored cars and swarms of military police to protect my coworker.

I can't believe God chose me to work for this organization. I can't believe I have the honor to sit next to these people, to hear personally their prayer requests, to pray with them and cry with them as they fight for their country. No matter the cost.