Don Chano

Fany's father in law who lives out in the country fell off a horse on Friday. He's in his 70's and not in the best of health to begin with. He wasn't supposed to be out taking care of the cows, but you know those people who refuse to slow down? That's Don Chano. I think working gives him a purpose.

His wife had quite a scare when a man known for trafficking narcotics came to her door. He told Doña Paola that he found Don Chano on the road but Don Chano refused to get in the car with him. Don Chano just asked the man to go to his house and send his son to get him.

Santos went and found his father, lying over his horse, unable to move. The horse had been spooked by a donkey and tossed Don Chano onto a pile of big rocks. He managed to pull himself onto the horse and get out to the road, but he couldn't go any further.

Santos (Fany's husband) has two vehicles. Each one is always on the verge of dying or dead. This week his big work truck is functioning. Santos didn't think his dad should ride in the work truck for over an hour to get to the city. The road is bumpy, and worse in that truck. It would be a rough ride for his father in that condition.

Fany asked if I could drive and pick up Don Chano to take him to the hospital. I said sure, although I knew it was a bad idea for my ankle. I mean, we couldn't let the man die there.

We tried to find other vehicles but nobody in the little village had a car. I said if he were that bad off, he probably shouldn't wait over an hour for me to get there and pick him up. So Santos headed for the hospital with his father in the big, bumpy truck.

Don Chano was in such pain and Santos was so nervous that he ended up driving to the nearest clinic and taking an ambulance the rest of the way. Santos thought his father was going to die on the car ride!

X rays showed no broken bones so they did an MRI which showed no organ damage. Fany told me they gave him an antibiotic (for bruised rib cage!) and pain medicine. I asked why in the world they would give an antibiotic for bruised ribs. She didn't know.

Santos brought his father home late Friday night. Since then poor Don Chano has been here, with Santos and Fany, in Laura's bed. He needs help to go to the bathroom. It has to be so hard for a man who needs to be working all of the time to sit in a pink bedroom for four days!

He really wanted to go back home and be with his wife. He was worried about her being home alone. He thought people might come and steal the stuff they keep outside the house if they realize there is no man there. But he can't sit up or move around on his own. His wife certainly can't lift him. So he had to stay here.

He asked for some remedies that country people use. Fany kind of laughed about it, but he was in so much pain she gave in. Yesterday Fany gave him a leaf wrap on his ribs where it hurt most. He told Fany he hasn't slept for days, but the leaf wrap helped.

Sunday Fany had him agreeing to get a second opinion, but by Monday he changed his mind. Today Fany called Santos and asked him to please come home from work. His father was pale and hurting. They went to a new health building a block away. I didn't even realize the place is open. Last I knew they were still putting up the walls, but I guess I haven't walked down there in over a month because of my own medical problems.

Fany said it is a really great medical center. It has an emergency room and specialists. And clean bathrooms with soft toilet paper. She told me about the soft toilet paper three times. Toilet paper in Honduras is thin and NOT soft. A place with clean bathrooms and soft toilet paper must be good.

The doctors said he didn't need the antibiotic. Shocker! Instead they gave him an IV of pain meds. They said the pain medicine he was given Friday is nowhere near strong enough. By the time he got home Don Chano was feeling great! He sat down for dinner at the dining room table for the first time. After dinner he relaxed in the living room, watching tv.

They gave him free pain meds to get through tonight and tomorrow with a prescription for more. They also gave him a medication that Fany said is usually really expensive, for free to protect his stomach and something else free to help him sleep. Fany was impressed with that place.

I told Fany to make sure he gets his meds before the eight hours passes so he doesn't have to suffer anymore. She is going to set an alarm so he gets his meds on time. She said her back is really sore from hauling Don Chano in and out of bed. She didn't know if she could do it much longer. But if he gets his meds tomorrow, he may be able to move around and he can home soon.

We both feel horrible that he had to suffer unnecessarily for so long. I don't understand why the doctors here give antibiotics for everything, even bruised ribs.

I'm going to Jamaica!

I was so excited to get back to work on Monday! Normally I can't stand it when they ask a bunch of adults to do hand gestures with songs. It's a very Honduran thing to do, for little kids and adults alike. Yesterday I was hand gesturing and singing away at our weekly devotional.

The topic was so interesting. Since we are a group who works for justice, the topic was about explaining things that aren't just. The co-founder of my organization did the best job I've ever heard explaining why God allows things that aren't fair to happen.

First he told us a story.

We were to imagine that we were about to have a baby. We had to decide between two fates for the child. In once case, the child would have no free will, but would always do the right thing. They would be respectful, loving, kind, helpful - everything good. In the other case the child would have free will. The question he posed was which life would we choose for our child.

All but two of the 150 people chose free will.

Then he talked about all of the unjust things that have happened to members of our organization lately. Sometimes even when they, themselves, made good choices and were fighting for what is just, they were killed as a result of someone else's bad choice (the choice to kill them).

We talked about how free will makes everything more significant. Making a good decision means so much more when you know it would have been easier to choose the "bad" option. Having your child choose to hug you and kiss you means more when they are not duty bound to do so. Hearing "I love you" means more when you know you fought hard for that love.

We talked about how Jesus had free will but still chose to die for our sins. Adam and Eve had free will and even they got messed up in a world much simpler than today's.

So, we can blame God for things we don't understand but in one way or another injustices can be traced back to free will. He even covered hurricanes and cancer. I'll have to ask a coworker about those because I forgot, but I did understand at the time.

After the devotional, as always, we divide into our individual projects. My boss talked about all of the new plans for Impacto Juvenil. Some of them are great! We are going to offer tutoring, build another library and have reading clubs in each library, offer classes up to sixth grade for kids who dropped out. Those things will all be great.

But there is another plan developed by people who sit behind desks and come up with ideas that sound great in theory or look good on paper. Those people don't understand the reality of our work. So, we'll do our best and see what happens. I understand why the office people think the kids will benefit from their plan, but I believe the reality is that people who were already drowning in work will now have a lot more work with few positive results. I hope I'm wrong.

We've been trying to celebrate Isa's birthday for two days. She was sick Sunday and Monday so her mother gave her antibiotics, of course. Today she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with "allergies to the weather". That's Honduran for "she caught the cold that is going around but we like to blame it on the weather because it's easier to blame it on allergies than to educate people about germs, how they are passed, and how to keep from getting sick." They gave her acetaminophen and anti-parasite medicine. Tomorrow her brothers go back to school but Friday is a holiday so we will celebrate Isa's birthday then.

My coworker and I had plans for tomorrow. We were going to schedule the clubs for the year to come. However, she just called to say that she and the psychologist are doing home visits instead. Since I can't do home visits yet I'll be resting tomorrow. It's still frustrating! I hate to feel like I am not able to contribute. But my ankle did hurt a lot today so I know it's best.

Tomorrow I am going to call for another doctor appointment. Everyone is telling me my ankle should look better than it does. I am going to ask if this is normal and get more specific instructions as to what I should and should not do. I can feel it healing. I think it just needs more time.

My friend won a trip to Jamaica for having the third highest sales at her job in the US. It's all expenses paid, plus resort credit and she can bring a guest. Guess what? She's bringing me! She said it was easiest because her other friends can't argue if she tells them she is bringing a missionary from Honduras who needs pampering. Hurray for free trips to Jamaica!!!!

Back on my feet

I've never been a person who thought much about ankles. I know there are people who don't like their ankles. There is even a made up word - "shankles" - for when a person has ankles so thick that their shins and ankles appear as one. It's official. I now have one shankle.

My injured ankle is so ugly! In the morning it looks fairly normal. By the end of the day it is exploding out of whatever shoe or sandal I force my foot into. Ugh. I can't stand it. I'll be wearing long pants until it's healed.

Wednesday night I slept really well with no pain at all for the first time since the injury. I woke up Thursday morning so excited to go back to work for the first time! I thought to myself, "Wow! This doctor really knew what he was talking about. He knew the exact day that I'd be better."

I drove about 2 kilometers, sat in a meeting for three hours, and drove home. I even elevated my foot during the meeting. It was only noon, but as the photos above demonstrate, my ankle was a mess. I haven't had a painless night since.

Driving seems to be the worst for it. Walking on flat surfaces is fine, but inclines hurt. Pushing in the clutch makes something in my ankle pop. Then it tingles and hurts for the rest of the day.

My friend Mario asked if he could come to church with me this week. He left his church and hasn't found another one where he feels comfortable. Since Carlos is going to stay with him, he'd like to set a good example for Carlos by being part of a church again. I'm not sure if my church is right for him. My gut says no but he's certainly welcome if he feels like it's a good fit,

This afternoon Carlos, Molly, Mario and Mario's Dad had a meeting to go over the rules of the house. They are going to write up a lease and a food agreement, just to have everything on paper so that everyone is on the same page. School will start in a week and a half so I imagine Carlos will move in soon.

Ana called today. She is concerned because public schools start Wednesday, which is two weeks earlier than usual. She was planning on two more weeks to gather money for uniforms, backpacks and school supplies. Instead she is broke.

She asked the church if they have anything. I know that was hard for her because she hates having to ask for things. The church has a bag with a couple of notebooks and some pens which the government gives to all registered churches. It will help, but there are still lots things she will need.

I told her I will find out tomorrow what Impacto Juvenil is doing this year. Last year they gave heavy duty backpacks crammed full of school supplies. Some kids got uniforms and shoes too. But each club is different.

Ana said other mothers got phone calls from Impacto Juvenil asking the kids' clothing and shoe sizes. But the kids who are in Ana's son's (David) club didn't get that phone call. I explained that each club is sponsored by different donors. Some donors give more money than others. It seems like maybe the donors who support David's club didn't buy uniforms and shoes this year.

I scoured my house for things the kids could use. Over a year ago my Mom bought a backpack for a kid who ended up not needing it. It's been sitting in my closet waiting for a home. That will go to Samuel. I had some notebooks, markers and pencils left over from literacy class and from the behavioral disorder class. All of that is stuffed into Samuel's backpack. Someone in his family will use it.

I am most worried about uniforms and backpacks. Fany told me earlier this week that even cheap, poor quality backpacks are $40! I hope we only have to buy one.

Tomorrow morning at work I'll talk to the leader of David's club. Ana's having nightmares because the kids will not be allowed to attend school without the uniforms and the proper supplies. I told her not to worry. If necessary I will reach out to some sponsors and ask if they can help. God will provide!

To be continued...

I stayed at Molly's house from Friday until Monday when we dropped Karen off at her new placement. When I got home I was emotionally exhausted, and tired physically too. I honestly have not known what day of the week it is since last Friday. I'm not exaggerating.

The great thing is that Molly's kids did really well. They have been through so much. We were worried all of the craziness could be bad for them. But they came through the whole experience with no apparent problems. Molly had them sleep in her bedroom, so for them it was a big sleep over.

For Molly and me it was an emotional roller coaster. We shared moments of joy, laughter, and hope - especially at night after everyone else was tucked safely into bed. One night the kids had to ask us to keep our laughter down. Ooops! But believe me, we needed to laugh. It felt like for each obstacle we overcame, a bigger one took its place.

We really thought that after a week or two with Molly, Karen would be calm and able to transition into her new placement. We blamed most of Karen's problematic behaviors on the woman who was left in charge of the ministry for the past year. She was not equipped to deal with difficult teens. It seemed that her behaviors were causing Karen to act out in aggressive ways.

Yesterday I apologized to that lady. She was left in a difficult situation when the leaders of the ministry just took off and never came back. She truly wasn't equipped to deal with all of the things she faced, but who would be? Karen alone requires a team of people to properly care for her. Then you add in the boys who each had their own problems. That lady did her best in a situation that was impossible to manage without a team of professionals.

After seeing that she was not the cause of Karen's behavior, it was heartbreaking to think of what must have occurred to cause Karen to become such a different person than she was three years ago. Karen has always been grumpy and somewhat defiant, but never aggressive physically or sexually.

At the same time that our hearts ached for Karen, Molly and I felt angry. Karen is, after all, a 30ish year old woman who was going after Molly's eleven year old son! We had to keep reminding ourselves to pray for Karen when we felt frustrated.

After lunch on Saturday Karen went to her room (which has an attached bathroom) and didn't come out until we went in to move her to her new placement on Monday. Even when she was in her room, we couldn't rest. We constantly listened for her to get up. We worried about how she would act once she got up and how we should react in turn. We were concerned she wasn't eating. We still had to be vigilant because if she did come out of her room, we could not allow her a single moment alone with the kids. Molly went in to make sure she was still breathing. She was.

It was a blessing that we had that little break from Karen because Sunday morning Molly received a phone call that was devastating. It was Carlos, a boy we both love. We were excited for him because for the first time in his life he was living with his father. He's spent vacations with his dad, but the plan was for him to stay with his father permanently, help out the family, and finish high school there.

All of the rest of Carlos's family lives on the streets. His brothers have been in and out of the ministry where Carlos lived since they were tiny. In they end they kept returning to the streets. When the ministry closed, it hit Carlos hardest. The founders of the ministry told him they were his family. The ministry was his home. When the left and never came back he felt abandoned by the only family he ever knew.

Life with his father seemed to be going well. He was waking up at 4 a.m. and working on a farm alongside his dad. He began looking into schools near his father's house and gathered information about them.

When he came back to get his transcripts from the school he attended last year he got a big surprise. The ministry where Carlos lived owes the school $2000 to the school! He can't get his transcripts until his part, which is $500 is paid. (That also means the rest of the kids who were dislocated probably won't be able to study.)

That was a big bummer for Carlos, but he and Molly worked out a plan. She told him to go back to his father's house, choose a school, and come back with a list of everything he will need to start the new school year in February.

After the phone call on Sunday morning I noticed she spent a long time outside, cleaning the yard. The yard is just a small patch of grass, so I wondered why she was out there so long. The kids came in and played with me. When she came in she went straight to the kitchen and washed dishes. I could tell she was crying. The kids got occupied with something and I went into the kitchen. As she wiped away tears she explained Carlos had been kicked out of his father's house by his father's wife because there was not enough food to feed everyone. Carlos was packing his clothes and expecting to live on the streets with his mother and brothers.

Oh man. That was a tough one to swallow. He couldn't come to Molly's house because he was the trigger for Karen's sexual behavior. We didn't know where he would sleep that night.

Molly has been picking up the pieces and fixing disasters for weeks. She was exhausted. As she washed dishes she asked if I know any boarding schools. I know one, but we decided it's too far. Carlos has already been kicked out by the people he considered family, and now by his biological father. Molly was hoping to find something close so she could be his family.

I remembered a friend of mine ran a sports camp at a nearby boarding school. He is my coworker and dedicates his life to helping the youth of his community. I called him to ask if he would recommend that school for Carlos. He did not recommend the boarding school where he'd run the sports camp. He said they have lots of funding, but the education and structure (or lack thereof) is not ideal.

However, he had a better idea. There is a school here, in the city, which is a good Christian school. Families who live nearby commonly host kids so they can attend and live nearby. That seemed like a perfect option for Carlos.

My friend said he was going to talk to some families who hosted kids in the past.

An hour later he called back. His own family had met. They have an extra room where Carlos can live! It has a stove and electricity. All he has to do is bring a bed.

He said he will take Carlos under his wing and keep an eye on Carlos. Carlos could even end up working at the place where my friend and I both serve!

Still, the decision would be up to Carlos. We called him, excited to share this new option, but he never answered. The next day when he still wasn't answering our hope and excitement turned to worry. What if this was all too much for him? Being kicked out of two homes in one month is heartbreaking! Molly sent messages so he would know we had come up with an option and he would not be homeless.

Finally he showed up at Molly's house the next afternoon. He was, as could be expected, very sad.

We dropped Karen off at her new placement in the morning. The transition was not easy. She was anxious. But she handled it extremely well. Today she is reported to be happy and full of laughter. The leaders of her new program are making plans to start her education so she will learn to communicate!

Meanwhile, Carlos is visiting his old school. Initially he thought he wanted to continue there. But Molly just sent me a message as I am writing this post which said they went to visit the school my friend recommended. They had a good visit with my friend and got to see where he'd be living. As Carlos got into the car to leave he said, "I think this is where God wants me to be."

As I finish typing, I take a deep breath and sigh. It really has felt like a roller coaster! Sometimes it got so intense we each shut down for a little while. Luckily those moments hit us at different times, so one of us was always able to keep going.

In the end, I am back at home resting. Molly is with Carlos and her family. She wants to give him time to reflect and pray about what his next step should be.

God loves Karen and God loves Carlos even more than Molly and I do. Although it's felt like a roller coaster, He was always in control. We pray Karen will be able to thrive in her new placement. We also pray Carlos will have a clear vision of what to do next in the midst of all this craziness.

To be continued...

Deteriorating

I wrote this on Saturday, the 21st but never got a chance to proofread and publish it:

A lot has happened in the past 24 hours!

Yesterday afternoon Molly, my friend who is caring for Karen, called. She was very upset. Karen had suddenly begun acting really strangely. Molly didn't feel safe. She also feared for the safety of her two kids.

Molly explained that Carlos, a sweet boy I know, stopped by her house. He used to live at the (now extinct) ministry with Karen. Molly figured it would be good for Karen to see a familiar face during this time of transition. At first it was fine. Then Molly noticed Karen was acting strangely. She was looking at the visiting boy in a weird way and walking differently.

After the boy left, Karen (who is thought to be about 30 years old but never got an accurate birth certificate) started staring at Molly's eleven year old son in a strange, obsessive way. Molly tried to put a stop to it, which made Karen angry.

Karen's previous caretaker told horror stories about Karen's violent behavior. Karen did not become violent yesterday, but she glared at Molly and continued staring at the young boy. She kept trying to get him alone and signaling to him she wanted to tell him a secret. The more Molly intervened, the more defiant Karen became.

Molly was concerned for the well being of her 11 year old son, as well as the safety of the household. She has raised the boy and his younger sister as her own for the past four years. She met them when they lived in the ministry where Karen lived. They suffered abuse and neglect but are finally settling into a more normal life with Molly. However, behavior like Karen's could cause a big setback in their lives.

Realizing it was a delicate situation, Molly called me for help. I flashed back to my days of working in a lock down facility for sex offenders. God prepared me well for this situation. I realized that Karen must have been triggered by the older boy's presence. I gave Molly a safety plan for her home and asked if she would like me to come and stay with her so she would have an extra set of eyes and another authority figure there. Molly was so relieved!

I still can't drive stick shift because of my ankle but Molly was more than happy to come and get me.

There was a team here, visiting from the US. I almost had to cancel a visit with them, but it all worked out perfectly. We had a nice visit. We sat in my garden and drank ginger tea and juice from the jamaica flower. I got to share with them about all of the stuff I've been working on and hear about their experience this week. They were exhausted, but clearly enjoying their time in Los Pinos. Molly arrived to pick me up 15 minutes after they left.

The first night was uneventful. Molly and I stayed up late giggling, which was a great stress relief for both of us.

Saturday we took Molly's son to soccer practice. Karen seemed fine. But after soccer she acted strange again. She kept staring at him and would not take her eyes off him. He ate lunch oblivious to her constant focus on him and then went off to play.

Karen's head swiveled around and her eyes never left him. Sometimes Molly put herself between Molly and her son. Karen glared at Molly each time. When she was corrected she got angry. She clearly knew what she was doing is wrong, but refused to stop.

She stared at the eleven year old boy like he was her favorite food and she was about to devour him in one gulp. Thank God for his youth and innocence. So far he hasn't noticed her fixation.

This afternoon/evening, Karen has been in her room. We did a sweep of the house, indoors and out. It's probably not necessary, but we made sure anything which could be used as a weapon is inaccessible.

Molly is trying to get Karen moved as soon as possible. Tomorrow she will take her to a church for deaf people. I will stay with the kids and another friend is traveling with them so Molly will not be alone in the car. On Monday morning she will move into her new placement.

Molly and I are so worried for Karen's future. If she is this aggressive and inappropriate under our watchful eye, how was she acting in previous situations if she was unsupervised? We contacted the woman who was caring for Karen most recently. As I assumed, this behavior is not new. The previous caregiver found Karen acting out sexually with a younger boy, but did not mention it to Molly.

It seems clear the behavior came about as a result of sexual abuse. Karen didn't have these sexualized behaviors three years ago when Molly lived at the ministry with Karen. These are new and very unhealthy behaviors. The new placement is still willing to take Karen, but if she acts out sexually she will have to leave. At this point it seems Karen could soon end up in a mental hospital or behind bars. It is so sad.

Coffee with the ladies

This morning Karen and my friend who is caring for her came over. I cannot imagine being deaf and unable to communicate. Everything is so difficult and every solution I think of requires a life skill she doesn't have.

For example, on Sunday Karen slept all day. I thought the obvious answer was to give her a clock and tell her on Monday she should get out of bed and be ready by a certain hour. However, Karen was never taught to tell time.

She also has never learned to consider her own desires or preferences. She eats what she is told, when she is told. My friend gave her a piece of paper, thinking she might be bored. She drew until her hand was so tired that she couldn't draw anymore. What my friend had intended as an enjoyable pastime was received by Karen as a task.

Today I made coffee for the first time in my house. (The housekeeper brought me a little strainer which you fill with coffee, then pour boiling water through.) My friend said coffee is one of Karen's favorite things. Karen seemed excited, but then she barely touched it. I was worried I made it wrong. I tasted if afterward to make sure it was okay. It was fine. I still don't know why she didn't drink it. Obviously she couldn't tell me.

The good news is, she seems happy and generally relaxed. The aggressive and violent behaviors which previous caregivers reported are non-existent. She isn't eating much, but I assume that is because she was offered little food in the previous placement and her stomach is not accustomed to regular meals.

My friend is observing Karen's behavior this week to be sure she is mentally stable enough to live in the new placement. So far we see no signs of aggression or self harm, which is amazing considering all she was reportedly doing in the previous placement.

As my friend and I talked, Karen giggled now and then. We tried to include her as much as possible. Her giggle was sweet. Previous caretakers believed her giggles meant she was communicating with the devil. It seemed like healthy giggling to me.

The cleaning lady came today. She agreed to come twice this week and twice next week. I cooked us lunch today. My foot was fine until I tried to take out the garbage. Bad choice. I'm no longer bed bound, but I am house bound still.

I did my first homework for Spanish classes today. The last time I studied Spanish was 2011. I remember taking hours and hours to figure out my homework. I guessed a lot. It was hard. This time was so much easier! I finished five pages of homework in less than an hour. I can't explain why some of the answers are correct, but I know they are right from hearing the language spoken all of the time. My teacher can explain why in my next class.

I switched back to my original teacher from 2011. The other teacher wasn't challenging me enough. My first teacher remembered me. I used to be so nervous before my classes with her! Now we just chat right along.

She said I am truly bilingual. I guess I knew that, but it was still nice to hear. She said I don't struggle to think of words, my language is very fluid, and my accent is good and easy to understand. I told her I would like to improve my accent, but she said that unless I live here for many, many years, my accent is as good as it can be.

She figured out what I need to work on and we have a plan moving forward. I'm excited to better my Spanish and feel more confident about my communication skills.

Fany came home long enough to sign Laura up for school. The new school year begins in two weeks. Prices went up for enrollment and the monthly fee. The school also fired Fany's favorite bus driver. Last year Fany was so stressed out! This year she is totally relaxed. She is going to pray and believe they will find transportation.

Thank you for your prayers for Karen! Her transition has been incredibly smooth. So far she's doing extremely well. As long as she remains emotionally stable she will move into her new placement soon.

Cast off

Today was the big day. Time for the cast to come off! I had no idea what the doctor would say. For the later part of last week I started feeling better. Yesterday and this morning I even walked a little. It felt good. No pain.

This morning I got up and showered, fixed my hair, put on jewelry for the first time in months (can't wear jewelry when I'm working because I could get mugged). Fany and I had painted our nails so I found clothes that would go over the cast and match my nails. I was feeling good!

The cab driver came right on time. It felt strange to be outside of my house watching bright colored houses whiz past from the back seat of his car.

(Nothing actually whizzed. My taxi driver is an older man with a very old car. We drive quite slowly because the car is not capable of, or safe at, high speeds.)

I got to the doctor's office a half hour early, expecting to be the first one. Two people were already ahead of me. The doctor came 50 minutes late. Thank God I hadn't asked the cab to wait.

As I waited, I prayed. Maybe I'd go back to work tomorrow? I was starving. The lunch hour was quickly passing.

My foot began to throb. It needed to be elevated. The waiting room was almost empty. I swung my leg around and propped my calf up on the chair next to me, careful not to let any dirty part of my foot touch the plastic seat. A man who was waiting with another patient looked at me and said, "Que ordinaria." He just stood there glaring at me.

I'm not sure exactly what ordinary means in Spanish, but I know it's not good. Fany used it last night to describe a girl whose chest was bursting out of her dress. I think it means something like an ignorant scum-bag. The man was clearly mad that I had my casted ankle on the seat. I didn't care. There were plenty of empty seats, everything was clean and my ankle felt better elevated.

Finally it was my turn. After hitting on me the last time, the doctor didn't seem to remember me this time! It was strange. He asked if I had even been in this office before. I had to remind him that this was my second cast because my first one got wet. Then he remembered.

He cut off the cast and told me to walk. Timidly, I took a few steps. Everything seemed fine. He told me to walk without fear, so I tried to walk normally and everything still seemed fine. My ankle was yellow, green, and dark purple. The ankle bone was barely visible from the swelling all around. The inside of my leg was swollen higher than the ankle bone.

This is the inside of my ankle. Normally there is a bone there.

Still so swollen and colorful...

My doctor and nurse both assured me that was normal, even after 21 days. He said it is important now to move my foot, but not too much. This way, he said, I'll avoid physical therapy.

I walked to the cashier to pay my bill. It hurt. But my cab came before I had a chance to ask the doctor if it should really hurt this much.

The cab dropped me off at home. All I wanted to do was get out of my house. I considered walking over to the neighborhood next door to buy cheese, but thought that might be pushing it. (Thank God I didn't!)

I could go to the grocery store, I thought. That's easy. I'll drive there, I can lean on the grocery cart if my foot is sore, then I'll just drive back home. No problem.

I was wrong. Just getting out of the garage was tough. Opening and closing the gate was a difficult feat. I can no longer kick the rock that I use to prop open the door. That rock is heavier than I ever realized. I had to bend over and pick up the rock and put it in front of the door.

When I lifted the right side of my body into the car and tried to swing my left side in, I almost cried out in pain. I considered turning around and going back into the house. But opening that gate was so much work. Driving had to be easier.

Driving was fine for the first two blocks. Then I heard popping sounds as I pushed in the clutch. It hurt enough that I wondered if I would make it through the store. But I only needed oatmeal, cat litter and sugar. That's not too much walking. I could do it.

There was no parking in the front row, but a car was leaving in the second row so I waited while the cars behind honked at me. By the time I hobbled into the store, I felt like everyone was watching me, although I'm sure they weren't.

The oatmeal had been moved, but I found it. The cat litter was not in stock. I forgot all about the sugar. My ankle hurt so much, I just wanted to sit down in the middle of the aisle and cry.

I couldn't think of anyone to carry me out of the store and take my car home so I had to keep moving.

I felt like when I used to do sports - when you think you can't take another step, but then you do. And another and another. Finally I found myself at the checkout line.

I noticed I move slower than usual these days. I think it's from being in my bed, away from the hustle and bustle of society. I drive less aggressively. I even signed my name on my credit card receipt more slowly. The bagger asked if she could carry my groceries to my car. She was already down the ramp and in the parking lot before I got to the exit. That time everyone really was looking at us. It was pretty funny.

I walked slowly down the ramp with her waiting. I explained, "My ankle is hurt," lifting my pant leg over my ankle. She freaked out! Her eyes bulged out of her head and she exclaimed, "Siiiii hombre!" In her surprise she responded in a very informal manner which would not normally be acceptable. She said I need to see a doctor. I explained I just came from the doctor and the injury actually happened the day after Christmas. She told me I should not be walking around like that.

The drive home was a killer. I contemplated leaving the car outside the gate and groceries in the car, but I found turkey sausage on sale for half price. It needed to go in the fridge. And it would be easier to carry the food from inside the garage.

Tomorrow was supposed to be the cleaning lady's last day. I'll need her a little longer than I expected.

I sent my boss photos of the monstrosity that is my ankle. She was surprised it was still such a mess and told me to rest as long as I need so it will heal right. Messages have been rolling in from coworkers.

So, my cast is off. But my ankle still hurts. A lot. I will not be going back to work tomorrow. I didn't really expect to, but I kind of hoped... I'm no longer on bed rest but I am still limited to moving around my house. My prayer is that I will be well by the 27th.

Pescado Frito

Fany brought me lunch today.

This is a special plate, typical of Honduras - Fried Fish (Pescado Frito)

With Teeth!

Only the head and a fin left -
I think I should have eaten more of the head, so I threw the rest in the garbage quickly.
I don't want Fany to be mad if I was supposed to eat the eyeball or something.

Problems before noon

I slept well for the second time since getting my cast. It's so nice to wake up feeling rested.

My friend came by with some groceries. She is leaving my house to go pick up a girl who is deaf and needs to get out of her current placement.

My friend used to serve at the same ministry where the girl lives. They had adjacent bedrooms for two years. Back then the girl was a typical young adult. At times she could be grumpy or lazy. Otherwise she liked to laugh and joke. At the end of 2014 my friend left that ministry. We heard stories of mistreatment during 2015 and 2016. Now the girl is being described as violent, homicidal and suicidal.

We are hoping that her behavior, if it truly is as violent and aggressive as the leaders of the ministry say (which is questionable), will change with time once she is in a place where she will be treated with kindness and respect.

It is a risk for my friend to take the girl into her home, but she cannot leave her where she is. The people who run the ministry say the girl has been calm since my friend's last visit. They believe it's because of an exorcism they performed on her. My friend and I choose to believe it's because the girl knew she only had to live in that place for three more days. We don't think there were ever any spiritual issues, but rather behavioral problems as a result of abuse and neglect.

Please pray for this girl as she spends a couple of weeks with my friend to stabilize her behavior, then moves on to a ministry that has agreed to take her and is fairly equipped to meet her needs. After spending 20+ years with nobody investing in her, she will now be taught life skills, how to communicate, and shown unconditional love. We know it's late in coming, but we are hoping she can learn to accept the love and the help she deserves.

I can't imagine not being able to communicate with anyone, not being able to understand what is going on in the world around me, not having access to education, not having a purpose in life, not being loved, and on top of that being treated poorly. I pray today will be the beginning of a better life for this young girl.

Fany came over with some bad news this morning. Our friend Cynthia was kidnapped last night on her way home from work. "Colectivos" or shared taxis are the cheapest way to get around, but they are so dangerous because anyone in the world can get into the cab with you.

Cynthia is okay. A woman who was in the front seat stole all of her stuff and held her hostage. That's all I know right now. It's a common occurrence. Everyone I know who rides in colectivos has been robbed multiple times. Buses are the same.

Yesterday the lady who cleans my house was late getting here. I was really nervous because I know she has to take two different colectivos to get here. I didn't want to call her because it's not safe for her to answer her phone while she is in the street or the cab. Finally I broke down and called. Her phone was shut off. I imagined it had been stolen and the battery pulled out so it couldn't be tracked. Just then, I heard her outside my gate.

I told her I was worried and vacillating, trying to decide if I should call her phone. She said her husband goes through the same dilemma when she is late, not wanting to put her in danger by having her phone ring in public. Turned out I was calling the wrong number. Her phone was right in her purse. When I told her I was worried she told me several stories about being robbed at knifepoint and gunpoint in cabs and colectivos.

All of my coworkers made it home safe last night after our little dinner. Thank God for that.

My friend who serves in Los Pinos is having to make some tough decisions. For the first time, I am very worried for her. School starts in February so she has to make sure the kids are enrolled and have all they need to start school. But the gangs were very irritable yesterday. Instead of their usual catcalls and telling her they want to marry her, they were stone faced and made her pay them money.

Any cars or people who do business have to pay an extortion fee to get in and out of communities like this. The gangs call them "impuestos" or taxes. Cabs and buses pay, the people who deliver water, soda, even Avon, all pay these fees in order to enter. My friend has always said she will never pay an extortion fee because she refuses to buy the bullets that will kill the people she loves. But now that it's actually happening, she's realizing it's not so cut and dry.

First they asked her for money for a Coke. She gave it to them. Yesterday they asked the boy who accompanies her for money. She had given him money to keep in his pocket for exactly that situation. He paid off the gang.

She thinks it is necessary for her to continue going into Los Pinos to make sure all of the kids are in school. I am encouraging her to ask the families to meet her at a church in a different sector. I hate the thought of her getting out of her car with bags of school supplies and uniforms. It makes her a prime target for more extortion, or worse.

It's tough for her to see things clearly since she is in the middle of the situation. She is thinking about the future of her ministry, the safety of the young man who always accompanies her, and the families she serves. To me, it feels like she is putting her personal safety last. Until now the gangs have let her go about her business. They have never been this aggressive with her in all of the years she has served in Los Pinos. She knew this was a possibility, but she never had to deal with it before.

I suggested that she take a break and give the gangs time to settle down. They are stressed out and on edge from the police operativos and turf fights with another gang. Maybe in a few weeks this will blow over and she can enter more safely.

She did say she will pray about if she really needs to go in, or if she just wants to. I pray God speaks clearly to her about that. There are other ways she can serve the people there while keeping herself and those she loves more safe.

After hearing all of this before noon, bed rest doesn't seem so bad today.

Good Friends

God has been spoiling me rotten lately. You know those days when you are able to really, truly sit back and relax because you know that He has everything under control? Ideally that's what we strive for every day, right? But many days I still try to manage things myself. Why? Because obviously I don't trust enough. Sometimes I think that God doesn't see the smaller things in my life. He's so busy, I believe he only has time for the really important stuff. Sometimes I lack faith. And I'm also a little bit of a control freak.

Today three of my friends from work came over. They called last night to say they were coming for lunch. I almost called the cleaning lady and asked if she could come early. I wanted everything to be perfect because they are all my bosses. One is the head of my community, another is the head of all of the communities, and the third is the assistant to our big boss. I didn't even invite them. They just said they were coming.

I didn't call the cleaning lady. She came an hour late, so I wished I had. But God had it covered. My friends called to say they were coming for dinner instead of lunch. We had lots of time to prepare. My house was sparkling clean when they got here.

First they made liquados - milkshakes with fruit and ice instead of ice cream. They brought eggs, hotdogs, plantains and beans for dinner. Honduran people deep fry their eggs in oil. It's not my favorite thing. Sometime I'll have to show them how I do it with a touch of butter and see what they say. The plantains were also fried. My tummy may take a while to recover. But it was so much fun!!!! We just laughed and laughed. They think I'm funny even when I don't think I'm funny at all. They discovered an app where you dance holding your telephone and the computer grades everyone. I couldn't dance, but at least I was out of my bed, sitting at the kitchen table for the first time since December 26th. I am grateful for their visit and their friendship.

In my last blog entry I wrote about my friend Ana who is always so thankful. A good friend (and blog reader) was moved to buy Ana a flat iron. She is one of the few visitors from the US who the kids and adults actually remember. Everyone likes to believe that the people here remember them. But the sad truth is, they don't. Sorry. They say we all look the same to them. Really, that's what they say. However, they do remember my friend's husband, which helps them remember her too. He sings beautifully. When he sings, the Holy Spirit takes ahold of the moment. It's unforgettable.

My coworkers told me exactly where I should go to get the best quality straightening iron for the best price. I have been doing some research online, and I know what she should get, but I'm going to tell Ana she needs to do some research herself before we go to the store. If she wants to cut and style hair, she needs to know when tools she is using. Ana is thrilled out of her mind that she will get a new flat iron once I am off bedrest. I am really excited too. Lately a lot of my friends/supporters have been blessing the people I serve. When I see the people around me blessed, I can't help but feel blessed too!

On Friday I started Spanish classes. The first one was free. When I tried to buy more online it wouldn't accept my credit card. It was frustrating! I was eager to get started and squeeze in as many classes as possible before I go back to work again. I called the office in California and left a message Friday. I also sent an IM. On Saturday I called and sent an email. On Monday their phone was disconnected, but I sent another email. I was ready to give up. I researched other online Spanish classes. But something told me to wait. Tuesday morning I got an email. The person remembered me from when I took classes in 2011. She said she would figure out payment later, but in the meantime I could schedule a class. Yesterday she sent me another email. She looked up my file. I have five classes already paid for from 2011! The price of the classes went up significantly since then, but my credits are still good!

As I thought back I realized that if my credit card had gone through on Friday as it should have, I never would have known. If I had switched to a different program, I would have missed out. Instead, God told me to wait it out and not to worry about time constraints. And now I get five "free" Spanish classes! I took one today. It was easy but the internet was messed up. My teacher is in Guatemala. We are both suffering through a horrible cold front with high winds that affect our internet connection. She ended up giving me another credit for our next class because we couldn't hear each other toward the end. But we did get to the point where I was finally learning something new. So now we are at a good place to start.

Yesterday was my Mom's birthday. I ordered flowers for her. (I had points on my credit card, so they were free to me, which was a bonus.) I thought she didn't have a very busy day on Wednesdays. Turned out I was mistaken. She volunteers all morning in the library and had to take a friend to run an errand in the afternoon. I almost asked if she could postpone her plans with her friend because I wanted her to be home when the flowers were delivered. In the end I decided not to ruin the surprise. I figured she'd enjoy the flowers more if she didn't know they were coming. If need be, she could get the flowers a day late. Then I prayed a lot. It's a silly thing to pray about - that your mom is home to get her birthday flowers. But I really did pray. And guess what? She did all of the things she had planned PLUS went out for a surprise birthday dinner AND she was at home to receive her flowers. God cares Mom being home to receive (free) flowers on her birthday.

I'm keeping a gratitude journal this year. I'm trying to limit each day to one topic only. Today I will be thankful for coworkers who are also friends. And who like to laugh. That's still one topic, right?

Ana's Flat Iron and Front Steps

I just had the best talk with my friend Ana. When I first got put on bedrest I was so bummed out. I talked to her on the phone and she pointed out that I should be grateful for a time of rest. Since that conversation all of the stress and frustration I initially felt is gone. I learned to appreciate this quiet time.

Ana is the most grateful person I know. She has very little, yet she is grateful for everything. Her faith is so deep that she even manages to be grateful for things yet to come!

Today she returned to the breakfast program where I used to serve, and where I met her. She has been the cook there for four years, feeding between 40-70 kids each day. She said the kids were really happy to see her. She wasn't able to serve in November or December because she had cancerous cells removed and had to take two months off per doctor's orders.

During that time, with help from her mother and her kids, she still made the snacks for Impacto Juvenil - the organization where I serve. She needs that income. Impacto Juvenil pays her a lump sum. Out of that money she has to make 75 snacks per week. In the end she only makes 5 Lempiras per snack - that comes out to $16.30 in weekly earnings to feed her family.

After the surgery for cancer the doctor said that she really needs another surgery. Her body was badly torn apart in childbirth but at the time the doctors didn't offer any follow up care. Ana said she knows she has had problems since her first child was born over 17 years ago.

The doctor who treated the cancer is from a better hospital. Soon she will get her reconstructive surgery.

While she was getting pre-surgery exams done this week she saw people around her who seemed really depressed. She gave them encouragement (like she did me when I was on bedrest) and told them, "Cheer up! I never thought I would own two packages of diapers for my daughter. But you know what! I did!!"

I've explained in this blog about how people here tend to buy what they need right now. Ana used to buy diapers for Isabela one by one from a corner store. Isa was severely allergic to cloth diapers. She had horrible red welts. Ana tried her best to keep Isa in disposable diapers. But she had never purchased a whole package of diapers before in her life. She never even dreamed of buying a package of diapers. It was all she could do to buy them one at a time.

One day, years ago, I was standing in the grocery store looking at diapers. I asked myself why in the world I was standing there in front of the diapers. I felt like I was supposed to buy some. At that time the only baby I knew in diapers was Isabela. Her mother had changed her in front of me and I had notices how red and raw she was. It realized God put me there to buy diapers for Isa.

Ana's family often goes hungry, so I asked God if He was sure I should buy diapers. Wouldn't food make more sense? It seemed odd! But God was telling me I was only supposed to worry about the diapers. So that's what I did.

To this day Ana is grateful for those diapers. She is telling strangers in the public hospital about it to encourage them to have faith. She's not talking about the days she didn't have food or clothes for her children. She is thankful for the days that she did!

In the same conversation Ana also shared her gratitude for the fact that her son will graduate this year and should be all set to study to be a pilot after graduation. She LOVES the beauty classes she receives through Impacto Juvenil. There is a special joy in her voice as she talks about what she has already learned and what she is looking forward to learning in 2017. She is already trained in manicures and pedicures. They will learn cuts, styling and makeup in 2017.

Her only concern is that her flat iron broke. Only one side heats up. She doesn't know how she will be a hair stylist in Honduras (where everyone wants "smooth" hair) without a straightening iron. She sent her straightening iron to be fixed, but the guy couldn't fix it. A new one costs two weeks salary.

The thing I am most grateful for is new front steps for Ana's house! Ana's house sits on the side of a mountain. Her front steps have been a hazard since I met her. They are tall and teetery. Twice that I am aware of (probably more), Isabela fell out of the house and landed on the ground because of those steps. Once she got a concussion. Ana has been praying and asking for help to buy cement for new steps for over six years. This year she will finally get her new steps! My coworker who is the leader of Impacto Juvenil in Los Pinos, told Ana that the steps will be the first community project of 2017. That makes me so happy!

Can you imagine sending your curling iron to be fixed? Can you imagine diapers being so far out of reach that you'd never dream of buying a whole package? Can you imagine waiting over six years and watching your kids get hurt, but not being able to build safe steps for the entry to your home? If you can't imagine these things, you're not alone. I can't either.

When I told Ana I thought six years was a long time to wait for those steps, Ana replied, "God's time is not like our time. We think in minutes or hours, days, weeks or even a year. But sometimes God's time is longer. We just have to be patient."  ♥  I love my faithful friend!

I am grateful that God gave me a friend who is so appreciative, who always sees the positive in things and never dwells on the negative. Ana has so much she could rightfully complain about. Her life is tough. Yet, through it all her attitude of gratitude is an inspiration.

Cold Front

I am getting more and more in tune with the weather patterns of Honduras. Yesterday a gusty wind blew in. I thought to myself, that doesn't sound like any old wind. That sounds like a cold front. I bet it will rain soon and stick around for a few days.

I was right. It got super cold. This morning was the coldest temperature I've ever experienced down here in the city. It must be freezing in the mountains! The wind is still gusting. Fany says her family in Guatemala are getting the same weather, only it's even colder.

My boss called to see how I'm doing. She talked to me about the bicycle race that our organization puts on each year. It's called "Coast to Coast" because they race from the North Shore of Honduras all of the way to the South Shore. It was created by my coworkers to bring awareness to problems within the educational system. They stop along the way to visit schools and give talks. Now hundreds of people come from all over the world to ride in the race.

My boss's husband is participating. She said the roads have 4 foot "wells" of water from the storm that is passing through. They expect the winds to remain gusty with heavy rains throughout the week. Not ideal for eight days of cycling.

On Friday night one of my coworkers died. I am hearing conflicting numbers regarding her age, but she was only a little older than me. She had a heart attack and left behind two young kids and her husband.

In Honduras when someone dies they hold a "valorio" (wake) immediately. It's usually open casket in the person's home. In this case she died at 11 p.m. They held the wake all day Saturday. Usually they would be buried the same day, but she was buried Sunday morning.

My coworkers stayed with the family for for almost 48 hours straight. We do the same if a family member of one of the kids in our clubs dies. We have a psychologist and the leader of the club stay with the family from the moment we are informed until after the person is buried.

Saturday the cleaning lady did come to my house. In fact she stayed all day. She brought me coffee from the factory where her husband works as a roaster. I don't have a coffee pot, and I can smell the bag of coffee from the kitchen into my bedroom. It's like torture! Hahaha!! She said next week she is going to bring a little strainer thing that Honduran people use to make individual cups of coffee. You just pour boiling water through it and wa-la! One day I may get fancy and buy a coffee press - once I can get out of bed.

Speaking of getting out of bed, I noticed Saturday evening that the pain in my ankle is no longer that burning, stabbing pain. It still hurts, but not as sharply. Saturday night I slept through the night for the first time in two weeks. Hurray! Yesterday I continued to feel good. I dumped a bag of beans into the crockpot, with chicken stock and some carrots that were already diced in my fridge for salads. Then added an onion and garlic. It was only a few minutes of standing and I got to smell the soup cooking all day. Last night Fany helped me add some turkey sausage. Now I have soup for a week!

(Stopped writing to take a shower)

I just fell down for the second time in the shower. At least this time I was showering. Last time I didn't even mean to go near the shower, I just kind of tipped over and fell in. I figure if I get all of my shower falls out of my system now, I won't have to worry about breaking a hip when I'm old. The bad news is, my ankle has a new tingly feeling it didn't have before. The good news is the cast is dry.

Fany learned yesterday that her husband's cousin is dying. The cousin is the one person in the world her husband, Santos, always counted on. The family has always joked that Santos and his cousin are much more like siblings that his true siblings. She went to a public hospital last week and learned that her body is full of cancer. Fany saw her last Tuesday. Between last Tuesday and Sunday she went downhill fast. This will be the first death that Laura will experience in her family. At five, she is beginning to understand about death.

I had a great first Spanish lesson Friday. But I haven't been able to pay for more classes. They have a PayPal link but my PayPal account is all messed up because I didn't set it up right. I've called and emailed the office for Spanish classes but they still haven't gotten back to me. It's odd. When I took lessons with them five years ago they responded immediately and always answered the phone. I hope to get the lessons set up soon. If not, I may have to pay a little more and go through a different program. The funny thing is, they have the same teachers, so I'll get the same class. It just costs more money.

No need to worry about me getting out of bed today. It's too cold! I'm very content staying cuddled up in bed with a good book, listening to the wind howl outside. Jetty agrees.

Days Between

Another night with little sleep, but everything else is good. I was wide away until 4:30 a.m. when my body finally gave up and crashed. I slept hard until 7 a.m. and that was it. I don't understand why I'm not tired during the day. Maybe because I am expending so little energy. I've been good about following the rules of bedrest.

Two days ago I realized that some of my friends' comments on Facebook were really affecting my mood. I decided to take a day off FB. It went so well that I decided to take two days. And now I know that I don't want to return tomorrow either. I'm not being too rigid. I'll go back when I feel like it but I can't let other people's ignorance and hatred seep into my heart.

I started Spanish classes! The class was good. My teacher said my accent is great. She wants me to learn sentence structure. If I had more money that would be good. But I only have ten classes to improve my Spanish. I know the things I need to work on. Labeling each part of a sentence is not very useful to me. I can form sentences. I need to work on particular things that I struggle with in everyday speech.

She had me read aloud for her. When I got to the second paragraph I was completely stumped. The words made no sense at all. After I looked at them for a minute, I realized they were in English! My teacher got a big laugh out of that.

Today I got an email from a friend who has been in a similar but worse situation. She tore ligaments and broke a bone in her leg. She had a lot of good advice and made me realize I'm not crazy for not being able to sleep with the pressure of the blankets pressing down on my toes.

Fireworks continue, but they are fewer. Fany left at 4 a.m. for her in-law's house. She called twice. I am glad that things are good between us right now. We have struggled with our relationship lately.

I caught the water guy as he was passing. He said he will knock on my gate next week and give me time to go out. He comes in the afternoon, not first thing in the morning. This will be a big relief - not having to worry about chasing out the door to catch the water guy.

It's been a peaceful day. I hope the cleaning lady is able to come tomorrow.

Update on Bedrest, Los Pinos and the Weather

I made it through a week and a half with the cast already. It's going by pretty quickly so far!

I have a lady who comes to clean every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. She is really great at cleaning. She does all of the basics, makes me lunch, and deep cleans one area each day. The only problem is that she keeps calling off on Saturdays. It's a long wait from Thursday to Tuesday with nobody to sweep the floor, take out the garbage or buy drinking water.

My ankle still doesn't feel like it's healing. It has hurt more since I got the second cast than it did with the first cast. I don't think it's the new cast. I think it's that I jostled my foot around too much. Today I did an excellent job on my bedrest. I only let the cat out once, got a cup of juice, showered, and made normal trips to the bathroom, which is only a few steps away.

Last night I hardly slept because I was in pain. This morning I took the last of the pain medicine. I hope to sleep well tonight.

Last night in a trip to the bathroom I fell over sideways, broke off the toilet seat and cartwheeled into the shower. I remember looking out of  the shower after the fall and being shocked to see my bad leg had hardly moved. Phew! Falling headfirst into the shower with a cast on my leg was scary.

Fany continues to be extremely helpful when she is home. However, she spends a lot of time outside of the city lately. Molly came over yesterday with two rolls of sushi. Her kids wanted to see me one more time before they started school again today. They all played board games and cards with Laura. We spoke in English. Laura is speaking more English now. By the end of next year she should be able to carry on a conversation if I keep practicing with her. She's not scared to speak. For many Hondurans, that is the hardest part about learning English. They can read and write but they are scared to speak.

The weather has been nice lately. I'm lucky it never gets hot inside my house. Lately everyone who visits complains about the heat outdoors. Kids don't want to play outside. They say the sun is too strong. Our humongous mango tree shades my house well. At 3 pm every day clouds roll in, the wind picks up and the temperature plummets. We work hard to get the laundry done early in the day so it's dry before three. Once the sun goes down at 5 pm it's cold - like flannel sheets and heavy pajamas weather. The cold is rough on Jetty's asthma. In the morning it's so cold I don't want to get out of bed or shower until the sun has some time to heat things up again. If rain comes, it's at night. But the rain is not regular anymore, like it was for so many months.

Ana said they gangs came after her friend a couple of days ago. They tied her up and held her hostage. Later they kicked her out of her house. Ana helped her find a safe place to live. Sounds like the turf wars we talked about on Christmas Day have begun.

Singing John Denver Songs with my Doctor

Remember when I said that we were getting very little vacation time? Hah! Little did I know! All of my coworkers went back to work today. But I'm stuck in bed.

On December 26th I was taking out the garbage when I twisted my ankle and tore a ligament in my left ankle. At first I thought I was okay. I finished taking out the garbage and I could walk on it, but it hurt a lot. I iced it and rested. Two hours later my ankle bone literally looked like an egg. My Mom suggested I go to the doctor just to get it wrapped up.

When I went to the doctor's office they took me straight into the emergency room. The doctor there had me wiggle my toes. Then he pressed on my ankle and I surprised even myself with a scream. He stopped the exam and looked up at me. He said I would need a cast and an orthopedic specialist. He told me to call a family member because I should be accompanied. Then he sent me off for xrays while they contacted the orthopedist on call.

I contemplated calling someone, but I really didn't want to make someone come and sit in the doctor's office with me. Also, not many of my friends have cars, so it would be a big hassle for most of them. Knowing that the doctor thought I should be accompanied by a family member made me feel very alone and a little sorry for myself.

Xrays showed no broken bones. The orthopedist came quickly. He asked what happened. When I told him I heard and felt a loud POP as I fell he nodded knowingly. His examination was simple. He pressed on the bones down by my toes, then took one finger and placed it on a spot on my ankle. I held back the scream this time, but my heart started pounding out of my chest and I was breathing like I just ran 10 miles. He looked at my face, saw the pain, and rolled his chair back over to the computer.

When he finished typing he rolled back to my examining table. He said I needed a cast and would be on bedrest for a month. He showed me how he wanted me to walk with the crutches - supporting my weight on the crutches, but moving the foot as if it were walking to avoid muscular dystrophy.

I asked how many minutes per day I should be walking like that. He seemed surprised and gave me a look that said, "Clearly you are not hearing me," so I paid closer attention. He said I need to be lying in bed, or on a sofa, with the leg elevated, for a month. I should only stand up to go to the bathroom and back to the sofa, or to bed. Complete bedrest for a month. He asked if I needed a doctor's note for work.

I had been calm through the exams and the xrays. I could live with a cast for a month. But then it hit me: No work!?!!!! My eyes filled with tears and I went through the first three stages of grief right there on the examining table - denial, anger and bartering. (Depression hit when I got home and lasted three days. Acceptance finally set in on Friday.)

After telling me several times in several ways that no, I could not work, he started the process of putting on the cast. I really don't remember that part well. I was too upset.

Trying to change the subject, he asked where I am from. I never know how to answer that question. I told him my family live in Colorado. He said, "They have good runs there. Have you been to Aspen?" (in Spanish). Runs? How funny, I thought. Then he started talking about people who have been killed by skiing into trees. In the end we were singing John Denver songs.

My tears stopped. I was in one of those situations that happens every so often here, where the whole thing is so bizarre it seems unreal. Singing John Denver with my doctor as he casts my foot. He didn't even ask me what color I wanted for the cast, I think he feared if he brought me back to reality I would cry again.

We went back and forth with John Denver songs, "Do you know this one? Take me home, country roads...," we would both sing together. He knew a few I didn't, which was surprising because I loved John Denver since I was a tiny. By the time he started singing "Thank God I'm a country boy,"in a Spanish accent the cast was on.

He told me I'd need to buy crutches and a boot to protect the cast. He warned me if it got wet or damaged in any way my insurance would not pay for a new one. He prescribed some pain killers and had the nurse wheel me out in a wheelchair to pay. I hated being in that wheelchair.

I called my taxi friend. He said he was with another fare, but could pick me up in an hour. All of the stores would be closed and I needed crutches, so I called my Pastora. She happened to be leaving the church a few blocks away, so she and her family came to get me. I think they were surprised to see me wheeled out in a wheelchair with a huge cast on my leg. We got the crutches and boot thing. Then they dropped me off at home.

I was depressed. I thought of all of the things I had planned to do. I had started looking for a newer car. I had bills to pay. The floor needed to be swept and mopped. I was almost out of drinking water and cat food. What would I do for a MONTH? I am used to being so independent. I do not like being physically dependent on others.

I talked to a missionary friend who knew a housekeeper. In Honduras most people who are middle class or above have housekeepers. It costs less than $10 per day, so I guess they figure, why not? But things tend to disappear or get broken.

When I lived up in the mountains years ago my neighbors asked me to hire their housekeeper. They couldn't pay her for two months and she needed work. She worked for them for seven years. They told me she was trustworthy. After she stole all of my best jewelry, my phone, my computer and even my glasses they said she had actually stolen from them before. Strangely enough, as far as I know she still works for them to this day.

As you can imagine, I was not thrilled with the idea of a housekeeper. But I also realized Fany couldn't do it all. And she shouldn't have to. She was helping out a lot, but she couldn't keep going at that pace for a month.

The housekeeper came on Thursday. My house was cleaner than ever before! She also seemed very nice. She was supposed to come again on Saturday but she called me to say that she couldn't make it. Fany also left on Saturday, so I'm alone until Tuesday when the housekeeper is supposed to come again.

In the meantime I managed to get my cast soaking wet. Just as the doctor warned, I had to pay full price for a new cast. He gave me a break, but it still cost $300. That was a bummer because my Mom and a friend gave me money totaling $300. I wanted to use it for the housekeeper and Spanish classes. I figured if I worked on my Spanish then this month of bedrest would be a somewhat productive. It was my boss's suggestion. But before I could use the money for classes, I needed it for the cast.

I expected my foot to look better by Saturday. But when I the doctor took off the wet cast and put on the new one my ankle was still extremely swollen and very colorful. This time the doctor did let me choose the color of my cast. He didn't sing John Denver songs with me, but he did offer me his personal phone number. He said I can call him for anything I need or desire. I ran that by a couple of friends to see if they thought it seemed like a strange thing to say. They agreed it was gross and inappropriate.

I spent New Year's Eve lying in my bed while the world exploded around me. Fireworks are big here. But they are not fireworks like in the US with pretty colors. Most fireworks here are just loud explosions that make the house tremble and car alarms go off mixed with a few colorful ones. It sounded like a war zone all night long until about 6 am. Today, the 2nd, it is finally strangely silent.

Sunday I was in a lot of pain. I think it's from moving around to go to the doctor's office on Saturday. It was more pain than I even suffered with the initial injury. Today it's a little better than yesterday. I'm hoping if I lie still I'll feel better soon.

In the midst of this it really hit me how many amazing friends I have. I have true friends who I can really count on, and lots of them. Last night a friend was pounding at my gate with cupcakes. I couldn't go answer, but she was there! Yesterday afternoon another friend came over with her second delivery of a week's worth of food. Thanks to her I'm eating healthy and not lying here feeling like a fat pig. Fany cleaned my house last week on Tuesday and has been bringing over random meals for me too. She purposely stayed in town longer to help me out last week when she could have been with her husband and his family. If she's not here, she calls and sends me sweet messages. People from my church keep calling, asking how they can help and when they can stop by. Friends from work send messages. Ana and her kids want to come over.

It was Ana who finally helped me find peace about this bedrest. I was freaking out about gaining weight from being so sedentary. I was worried about keeping the house clean, feeding myself, and getting bills paid. I was concerned I would waste a whole month of my life! And who is going to let the cat in and out? (Turns out she seems content to lie in bed with me and barely wants to move.)

Ana reminded me that many people would LOVE to have a month to rest. She is right. After that I went from being stressed to seeing this as a luxury. I may never be able to do this again. I need to make the most of it! As I told the doctor, I can lie in bed annoyed and frustrated, or I can lie in bed and be peaceful. I am now choosing peace. I have a lot of books to read. I've made a rule - no tv before 7 p.m. That is surprisingly easy to follow.

So, that is why you haven't heard from me for a while. I have another doctor's appointment on January 16th. I'll get the cast off and the doctor will tell me if I need a new one or if I am healing well.

Here are photos from Saturday:

I was surprised it was still so swollen.
My ankle bone barely protruded at all.

The skin on the bottom of my foot was already peeling off from the cast being wet.