Where yes doesn't really mean yes and nobody dares to say no

Last week on a page for missionaries in Honduras, the topic of hiring people came up. In the conversation that ensued, comment after comment was about the Honduran custom of wanting to appear agreeable at any cost.

You'd think after five years here, I'd have figured out a way to deal with this dynamic. I haven't. I can sniff it out a little quicker, but I am not sure how to handle it. It still happens to me on a daily basis.

Yesterday the driver from work called. Drivers never, ever call. He asked if I was meeting him at our designated spot. I knew that wasn't really why he called. We always meet at that spot. There was another reason he was calling, but he didn't want to say it.

That's where tactic #1 comes in. I call it 20 Questions. It's where you think of all of the possible things the person might be trying to say, and you say them yourself, to see how they respond. Usually they still won't tell you directly, but you can sense if you are getting warm.

I figured he was running late and asked if he needed more time. I told him my schedule is flexible, trying to give him an out. It was lunch hour so I told him I didn't want him to miss lunch. He was still vague and noncommittal.

After a lot of hemming and hawing, and me playing 20 Questions, finally he asked me to wait at home rather than at the other spot.

Fany and I both thought something was up with security. Why else would he ask me to wait in my house until he came? Maybe there was a reason it wasn't safe for me to wait on the street.

When the driver and security guard showed up the car smelled of fast food and they were shoveling the last bites into their mouth. I still don't understand why he couldn't just say that he needed a few minutes for lunch.

Today a friend called. We had plans for this morning. When the phone rang I said, "Good morning! I was just thinking of you!" She asked what I was thinking. Later I realized that was her way of trying to make ME be the one to cancel. Instead we had an awkward conversation and in the end she said she'd see me soon.

After I got off the phone I thought about it and implemented Tactic #2, Ask a Third Party. I told Fany about the call and asked if she believed my friend was trying to back out of the plans, but didn't want to say so. Fany said yes, it appeared that way. Third party verification is usually the way to go in these situations.

I called the woman back and asked if she wanted to cancel. Her response was, "As you wish." So I said, "No, I want to know what YOU would like to do. It really doesn't matter to me. I am flexible."

Again, hemming and hawing. Finally she said it would be better for her if she could see me tomorrow. I told her that will be fine.

Fany is the same. We are each other's best friend, so I really don't understand why she can't be direct with me. She knows I am direct with her.

Ana and her family go hungry or without medication rather than telling me what they need.

I am not a mind reader. I don't understand why people still do this. It doesn't serve them well.

As other missionaries shared their experiences on the Facebook page I realized I am not the only one who doesn't know what to do in these situations. When people only tell you what they think you want to hear, in the end nobody wins.

Missionaries offered jobs to their neighbors, thinking they were being helpful. The neighbors accepted the job, but had no desire or even intention of working. They just didn't want to say no.

I see that too. People offer to help me with something, but then never show up. Lately, rather than be disappointed or frustrated, I choose to be happily surprised when someone does keep their word. This is part of the reason Gringos get a reputation for being overly fixated on time and commitment. Because yes doesn't really mean yes here. And nobody dares to say no.

Now that I see this whole dynamic, I realize they expect me to never say no too. I still say no. And yes, they are offended, although they will never tell me that directly. I only hear it from third parties.

The people here will never tell you if you've upset them. But everyone else will know. I've learned that if I really want the truth, I have to ask a third party. And yes, I know that is gossip. And I HATE gossip. But gossip can sometimes be the only way to get to the truth.

It's hard to live in a world where people don't say what they mean, or mean what they say. And the craziest part of all is that in their minds, they are doing it out of respect. #cultural differences

Full Circle

Yesterday I accompanied a coworker to group therapy. She is a psychologist and one of the first people who invited me to work on some of her projects when I started with this organization almost two years ago. She is also the person who is developing the group for incest survivors.

As we were riding with transportation (a guard and a driver) she mentioned feeling overwhelmed with work. She said she is working on a new pilot project and she can't sleep at night because her brain is working overtime, trying to work out all of the details. She said she really needs help, but she knows everyone is already overworked.

I mentioned that our boss told me I will help with her with the incest survivors group, thinking that was an additional project. I assumed she already knew I would help with it. She was taken aback. At first she thought I must be confused. But as I told her the specifics of what our boss had said in the meeting before Semana Santa, we realized that I was talking about the same project that is keeping her awake at night! She was not aware that I am supposed to help and was extremely relieved.

Once we got to the community center, only two kids showed up for group therapy so we had plenty of time to talk and brainstorm. By the time we finished we were so excited! We have a ton of good ideas and were very pleased with the way our approaches mesh together.

On the way home my coworker asked how I ended up in Honduras. As I thought about the answer, I burst out laughing. We have known each other almost two years and are even friends outside of work, but apparently I've never told her this before. It was God's perfect timing.

I first came to Honduras with a team from the US to serve incest survivors! Since I've worked in this field since 1995, I decided I have a lot to offer the team. I was baptized during that trip.

Now, nine years later, I am helping to develop a pilot project to work on treatment, communication, self esteem, and independence for women who have suffered incest. This time I'm not visiting for a week. I already know many of the women. They are parents of the kids I  serve and graduates of our Strong Families program.

It feels like coming full circle. Just so perfect!

(The sad part is that now I don't want to go to the US. I fully believe that trip is also God's plan, but I am still fighting it. It's so hard to justify rationally.

I've been super worried about money since God first placed that trip on my heart. The flight was expensive. Plus here the food I eat is so cheap. Just day to day living expenses will be more in the US and I don't have that in my budget. I'm waking up at 3 a.m. every night feeling sick about finances.

And now, after talking to my coworker yesterday, I am desperate to stay here and see the program come to fruition. I'll be here for the development, but I'll miss the first half of the initial sessions. I don't want to bail on my coworker or the ladies at such a critical time.

God seems firm on this. I already argued with Him for two months and He kept having to show me in stronger and stronger ways. But I'm still going to pray, just in case He changes His mind.

Why am I having so much trouble being obedient about this?!!!)

Busy week ahead

I'm procrastinating. I need to edit photos, write two interviews, select a photo for a contest to win a camera and then write a story (in Spanish and English) that goes along with the photo, describing how kids are impacting their community.

Haven't had time to do physical therapy since last Wednesday and I'm back to climbing mountains again so my ankle is swollen and angry. I'll go to the gym today during lunch today because tomorrow morning I have to climb up to Las Minitas (the back side of the mountain).

This morning in our weekly devotional the people within my organization who work for the justice program did a presentation. I purposely don't publish the name of my organization or the name of their program here. If someone Googled those words and came across my blog, they'd know we work for the same association. It's safer not to use the names.

They talked about how many cases they prosecuted in 2016 and some of their experiences. I've always respected them immensely. They are brave. Almost fearless, I'd say. If I were them I'd be scared to get out of bed in the morning. I really can't imagine how they face each day.

For some reason God keeps putting me in situations where I have to stand up for what is right lately. I used to be a person who fought for justice when I lived in the US. But here it is easier (and MUCH safer) to keep your mouth shut.

Recently I've been scared. There were a few days that I didn't want to leave my house. At one point I thought someone was following me. It sounds crazy and paranoid. But two days in a row when I got home there was a guy waiting outside my gate on a motorcycle, checking his watch like he was keeping track of what time I come and go. Here people wind up dead for things much smaller than what I have had to stand up for in the past two months. I'd be dumb if I weren't scared.

This experience has left me with even more respect for my coworkers who fight for justice in Honduras.

Right now my coworkers within my project can't go into Los Pinos unless accompanied by police. A mother in Los Pinos falsely believes that my coworkers caused her children to be removed from her home. There are death threats. They are going long enough to have the clubs, and then they leave.

Danger feels more close lately. It will be nice to relax in Northern New York where people still leave their keys in the ignition and their windows down. I am looking forward to taking some deep breaths of clean air. Floating on the river in a canoe...

In the meantime I'm keeping super busy! This week I'm working every day including from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. Sunday. But no complaints. I really love everything I've been called to do here. And Monday is Honduran Labor Day so that will be a day of rest.

Swimming, Week 2

Today was the second swimming class. This experience is much different from teaching in Los Pinos. The first day all but two were comfortable in the water. Today all of them were swimming. It may not look pretty yet, but they can move in the water. One boy was even asking if he could do flip turns at the end of the pool. That's advanced! They have all been submerged in water before whereas the kids from Los Pinos had not.

Only 12 of the 19 kids showed up. My coworker was surprised. The sun is so strong these days. It's horribly hot. She thought everyone would be eager to swim. In Los Pinos if we started out with 20 kids we were lucky to end up with five. It appears this group will be like Los Pinos in that manner. There is no sense of discipline or commitment.

I'm not sure how to teach commitment. We make the expectations clear from the beginning and everyone says YES YES YES. They understand. They are desperate to participate. They are furious if they are not included. Yet in the end they don't show up.

The class is only an hour long. It goes by so quickly! Feels like we are done as soon as we start. I'm glad these kids are more advanced because ten 1 hour classes is enough to teach them to feel comfortable in the water, but not much more.

The trainer's goal is to get kids comfortable in the water so they will be safe on their own one day. Her dream is that all of the city can learn to swim.

Home Visits

It was a hot one today. Two coworkers and I spent the whole day climbing a different mountain, adjacent to the one we climbed yesterday. In fact we could see the water tower where I took a video yesterday. It was far off in the distance. What a view!

Last night a friend called looking for help for a girl who was beaten unconscious by her boyfriend. I told her I had no clue what to do, but I could talk to the lawyer who works with our program. Before I knew it the lawyer took action and I was involved in the situation. Ugh. The boyfriend's mother is a judge. Justice in this type of situation is not common. What's more common is consequences for the people who report the injustice. That's why I really didn't want to be involved. But we hope Honduras is changing. And we have to do what is right. All I can say is the lawyer is much braver than I.

Our first home visit this morning was more a therapy session for the mother. She is terrified her son will be killed because of his haircut. The gangs in his area have put out a notice that nobody is to wear their hair long on top. The lady said her son is usually respectful and obedient but he really didn't want to get his hair cut. This was the first time he has really asserted his independence. His parents had to force him to cut his hair for his own safety. It turned into a bigger situation than the mother has had to handle in the past. She realizes her son is growing up and this is a learning experience for them all. Mostly she needed someone to talk to.

It was interesting hearing all of the ways Impacto Juvenil has influenced that family. Through the Strong Mothers program the mother was empowered to speak up for herself. She told us she was raised to never say anything, even if she was being disrespected or abused. Her husband was involved in drugs and gang activity. After realizing that was not the life she wanted for her family, she gave her husband an ultimatum. If he didn't straighten up, he had to leave. Now he works and is a good father to his children. By looking at him, you'd never know he had such a difficult past. She is a strong mother!

She also talked about the parenting skills they learned in Familia Fuerte (Strong Families). They were taught the importance of parents presenting a united front. She and her husband work hard to not undermine each other's authority. I was impressed that they both went to the barbershop with their son and talked to the barber about options for his hair that would not get him killed on the streets. They seem to make a good team.

Before parenting classes she believed that corporal punishment was the most effective way to correct her children. She openly said she hit her kids out of anger and frustration. Now that she has other, more effective tools, she sees that spanking or hitting with a stick is not healthy or effective.

She has even become a strong advocate for her children at school. The school tried to expel her son when he was sick for an extended period with hepatitis. She knew her son's rights and fought hard to keep him in school.

What an amazing example! I told my boss that we should have this lady come and share her testimony with other parents.

Today's climbing was less paths and more small dirt roads. We even had some pavement with sidewalks! This area is much more populated than where we were yesterday.

My coworker who lives in this community always invites me for lunch. The last time I was sure I ate the last of their beans and meat. I felt terrible. In an effort to avoid that situation, I decided to take my two coworkers out to lunch.

We took a moto-taxi down the mountain to the closest restaurant. From there we went the rest of the way to the bottom to do a home visit. Afterward we waited on the side of the road for a moto-taxi to take us back up. It's a good two miles up windy roads. Normally there are moto-taxis everywhere. We were surprised when we waited and waited but none passed by. Later we learned that the gangs robbed a moto-taxi driver at gunpoint. Moto-taxis stick together, so all of them stopped working for the day. Seems like it punished us more than the gangs.

I copied this photo from the internet in case you aren't familiar with moto-taxis.

At the end of the day I asked my friend if the parents really needed to be worried about their son being snatched from the streets and killed for wearing his hair too long. He looked at me with big eyes, surprised I didn't know the answer to my own question. He said yes. Normally these things do not reach his area, but these days the gangs who rule his part of the city have put out a warning that men cannot wear red shirts, have long hair or pierced ears. He said everyone is following the rules, but the first person who doesn't will be beaten and the second person will be killed.

This happened two years ago in Los Pinos, so it's not new. In fact, in Los Pinos the gangs had many more rules, including rules for how women could dress and wear their hair.

The gang presence was obvious, but we wear florescent green polo shirts with florescent green vests so we are easily identifiable. We've been in the neighborhood for over 10 years so they know we are there to help families. So far they don't mess with us.

Tomorrow is swimming!

Back in the Community

I decided this week to go about my regular work since my ankle hasn't made any progress in two months. It felt great to be back out, walking in the communities! I climbed mountains again for the first time since December. I got to see the people I love and spend time with them again.

About a month ago we did psychological testing for the kids who have scholarships through our program. Today we shared the results with them. The exam showed us which kids are open to authority, appreciated the opportunity to learn, and then went into detail about how the each learn best, and what struggles they are likely to face in education. By sharing this information with the kids and their parents, we can help create an environment for each student to flourish.

For example, one student's test showed that her biggest obstacle to learning is distractions. The funny thing is that she verbalized this to us before we even gave her the test results. She said the only time she doesn't do well is if the kids in her class are talking a lot and she can't pay attention. Now we can talk to the teacher and perhaps change her seating arrangement. We can also talk to her mom about providing an environment for homework with no tv, radio or outside distractions. I love that we are taking this extra step for the kids who earned scholarships.

My coworker reviewing the results of the test with a young girl.

It's now 6 pm. I thought my ankle might be killing me tonight. So far I feel the same as always. We climbed up and down some CRAZY paths. We just went slow. Going uphill I feel great. Downhill can hurt. That makes sense because it hurts to push in the clutch of my car with my foot extended, which would be the same position as climbing downhill.

Carrying logs down the mountain

He makes it look easy!

Laundry day

The roads and trails were washed out from the rain. It's raining now. Thundering and lightening too. This is the fourth day in a row it's rained. I believe the rainy season is officially here. It's 2-3 weeks early!

The roads are worse then normal

The whole roof missing from the house of one of my literacy students. NOTHING was covering her two small rooms. And to make matters worse, the house is made of adobe blocks, which is just earth packed together with straw. As you can imagine the rain disintegrates adobe quickly if they are not covered by a roof. I've been worried for her all day.

No roof

Reyna always has a smile. Even with no roof and clouds looming in the distance.
Today's rains came soon after this photo was taken.

I also got to see Doña Francisca. You may remember her from literacy class. She was so happy to see me she actually smiled for the camera! Normally she is very stoic. I felt sad because she was on her way to work and she doesn't get done until 8 p.m. I hate to think of her walking around alone at night on the streets.

Back with my students!

In the afternoon I went to a graduation for another class of Familia Fuerte (Strong Families). There was a 10 year old boy in the class whose big dream is to become a gang member. Seriously. He is already being recruited by one of the biggest gangs in the country.

I am glad he is in our program. He is difficult to handle, but God paired him with the perfect mentor - a friend of mine who took that path when he was younger and can talk to the kids honestly and directly about what they are getting themselves into.

I was sad to see that same boy's mother came just at the end of the last parenting class, in time to receive her diploma, get her picture taken and eat the dinner. The mentor had to call and ask if she was coming. It appeared she was more concerned about putting ringlets in her hair than about being there for her son.

My boss asked me to enter a photo contest. I have to take a photo of youth changing their community. The winner gets a new camera! I am trying hard to win for our program. Unfortunately, the deadline is next week. We aren't doing any community projects between now and then. But I do believe God will show me the perfect photo to enter in the contest. We need the camera!

I did another interview today. A 15 year old boy gets up at four a.m. to collect recyclables in order to earn money for his family. By the time he walks to a nearby wealthy community the sun is just beginning to rise. He has been doing this for five years. He doesn't just randomly wander the streets. Specific families set things aside for him to pick up and recycle. He's got a regular business set up.

Profile shot

Last year when I visited him, the mountain was falling on top of his house.
Thanks to a new retaining wall, the earth is staying in place this rainy season.
 This was one of the community projects for our program.

He was very shy about sharing the story with me and didn't want his photo taken. He's embarrassed to admit that he is picking up bottles and cans to make money. Each week he earns about $10 - $12.

Back to Work

Good news! Ana had her surgery yesterday. I called last night but the girl in the bed next to her said Ana was not allowed to talk. She said Ana is fine and the surgery went smoothly.

Today I called again. Ana sounds great! She's really happy. She said she has no pain at all and she can walk slowly. She is eager to get back home. She has to stay on a liquid diet for 7 days because feces could infect the incisions. I loved hearing her so positive and carefree. Maybe it's the pain meds, or maybe she is really relieved. It was not an easy surgery.

Everyone went back to work today. It was good to be see my coworkers! Estela said she really missed me and was glad to be back at work.

For my new role this week I am going to interview and write about a woman who has seen positive changes in her family with the skills she used in the Familia Fuerte (Strong Families) program. I'm also going to interview kids who are about to step out into the world after completing vocational school with our scholarship program. I'll write about that next week. My coworkers are excited for donors to know more about what we do. They are full of ideas about stories I can cover.

I also talked with the psychologist who is working with Carlos and his family. He said he has not seen a need to send Carlos to a boys' home. He asked for Carlos (and Lorenzo, and Erika's) mother's phone number so he could contact her. In the end, it was already programmed into his phone, but I liked that he was concerned and wanting to get in contact with the family.

The psychologist arranged a school visit with the director, teacher, and Carlos' mother. They talked about how they can best support Carlos. He's seen progress in her parenting skills, so he feels hopeful Carlos can remain in the home with some extra support.

Summer may be drawing to an end here. Summer is my least favorite season. The sun is so strong and it gets really dry. The water, which is usually released by the city every 3 nights, comes once/week or less. We had 24 hours of bad fires in the mountains this year, but not weeks and weeks of fires, like usual.

Last night we got a nice, heavy rain! It seems too early to be rainy season. I thought we wouldn't see any more rain for two or three more weeks. But tonight it's thundering and the forecast calls for rain every day. The forecast is more often wrong than right. However, it is possible that the rainy season may be here already!

Celebrating Easter!

This was my best Honduran Easter so far!

In Honduras we take Holy Week very seriously. Most people got off work a week ago on Friday and won't go back until Tuesday in honor of Holy Week. Over time, this vacation week has turned into a time to travel. More alcohol is consumed here during Holy week than the rest of the year put together. Beaches are packed. Only a small percentage of people really remember why they are on vacation in the first place. If they do remember that it's Holy Week, they focus on being sad. Very sad. It feels like Christ never rose here.

A couple of weeks ago I went to lunch with Pastora Ruth and Pastor Paysen. I told them that I think Honduras does most holidays better than the US. But it seems like Honduras totally forgets about the resurrection!

I explained how in the US we talk about the pain of the crucifiction and we honor it. But on Easter Sunday we celebrate! We dress up, we sing and we are happy! I told them I wished that we could celebrate Resurrection Sunday in Honduras.

It really wasn't up to them as neither of them were on the schedule to preach today. However, I got my wish! We sang and danced during worship time! The message was about how infinite God's love is for us, that Jesus died for us. We talked a lot about love. And we also talked about the joy of the resurrection - that Jesus lives!!!

Finally! An Easter in Honduras that felt like Easter!!

Yesterday after I wrote my blog entry, I spent some time with God. I'm the only one around, so I prayed out loud and put each of the situations that were weighing on me into God's hands. I put Carlos into God's hands, and Ana's surgery and her family. I let go of all of the stuff that felt so overwhelming. Each time that something else snuck into my thoughts I turned that over too.

Afterward I made a huge batch of fried rice with tons of veggies, ate a healthy dinner and rested.

Jired asked if he could go to church with me this week. After checking with Ana, I told him sure. They are always welcome at my church. Afterward we went out to lunch and then to the park. Everyone had a good time. They seem more relaxed today than they did on Friday. Tomorrow is the surgery. Ana expects to be released on Tuesday.

Samuel & Isabela

Samuel giving all of the girls a push. He's getting so big!

Samuel, David and Isa

What to do?

Ugh! I'm feeling "inutil" today. Ana isn't answering her phone. Neither she nor Jired can make outgoing calls because they ran out of minutes. Ana's Mom was supposed to arrive this morning, but the day is passing and she is still not here. I can't send minutes to Jired's phone because he is with a different phone company and Ana's phone just eats up the minutes I send to her.

Yesterday as we shopped for things for Ana (public hospitals don't even provide water) I asked Jired if they needed anything at home. He said they are out of deodorant. Isabela was getting tired so I agreed to drop them off and then go to Pricemart (Costco), where I can buy four big sticks of deodorant for the price of two. It was closed yesterday so I went this morning. They didn't have the Old Spice the boys like. (I think that's funny because in my mind Old Spice is for older men.) I had to get Degree. They won't complain, but I know they prefer the Old Spice so I was disappointed

My ankle is hurts a lot today. It's all swollen up again. I think it's a mixture of Chikungunya and the little driving I did yesterday/this morning. Pushing in the clutch is painful. But my other ankle, my knees, elbows and neck hurt too. That is all typical of Chikungunya.

I can't imagine how Ana feels, leaving her kids alone, not knowing where her mother is, and not able to contact anyone! I can't visit her because Jired has to go today and only one person can go at a time. She said she is grateful for my help, but I don't feel like I am helping.

Ana explained to me why Carlos' Mom thought that Carlos should just go with Impacto Juvenil. She meant physically - that Impacto Juvenil take him away and put him in a home. We did that for Carlos' cousin who has always had tremendous behavioral problems. He went to live outside of the city about a year ago and is doing really well now. He's well nourished, getting an education, and his behavior has improved a ton. So they want to send Carlos there. Now it all makes sense.

I worry that if Carlos goes to the same place, his cousin will have a set-back and neither of them will do well if they are together. I am going to strongly suggest to our psychologist that they locate another facility for Carlos. But I am so sad. I have been praying for this little boy for so many years. When I left the church his future seemed hopeful for the first time. Now it seems like he is a mess and unable to be safe or successful if he stays with his family. I feel sad for his Mom. She has to be feeling much more "inutil" and overwhelmed than I am.

All I can do is pray.

Popeye's and McDonald's all in one day!

I got to see and talk to a lot of my favorite kids today. I think we are the only ones left in the city. Everyone else is traveling for Semana Santa (Holy Week).

Fany left Tuesday. She turned off all of the electricity to her house, which means the water can't pump to my house, so I've been going nuts trying to preserve water. Samuel took a bunch of photos of me and afterward I realized I don't remember the last time I washed my hair. Ooops! But such is life.

I've been trying to call Ana for a week but her phone is always broken. I promised them we would do something for Semana Santa. Yesterday I called her son Jired's phone and Ana answered. She went to do tests for a surgery scheduled on Monday and they hospitalized her, not because she is sick, but because they want her on a liquid diet. It makes no sense to me, especially because she just called and asked me to buy her food. She swears the doctor okayed it.

Anyway, that left her kids alone. Her mother was planning to come and stay with the kids Saturday or Sunday, but they weren't expecting that Ana would be hospitalized before her surgery Monday. By the time they found out, all buses stopped for Semana Santa. We agreed they kids would be okay alone for last night. Jired is 18 now. But I would entertain them during the day until Ana's mother gets here.

Ana didn't have any minutes on her phone so I bought minutes for her. Today she told me that the phone company stole her minutes. Fany swears they do that too. Who knows. It's never happened to me.

I called Jired a couple of times yesterday. Each time the kids were calm. You can tell from the background noise if the kids are happy or not. Everything was good and Jired seemed fine. I told him I'd take them out to do something today.

This morning I called at 10 a.m. Samuel was eager to go. He asked what time I was coming, how many hours until I got there, and should he shower and change his clothes yet. Hahaha! He's growing up a lot. He's much calmer these days, not quite as "tremendous" as he used to be.

When I arrived in Los Pinos to pick them up I got to see Kevin. He used to be Jired's best friend when I was at the church with them. He's a super sweet kid - the kind that is just as loving and silly at 18 years old as he was when he was little. He doesn't care about trying to be "cool" which makes him super cool to me!

Then someone called my name from across the street. My contact lenses have been screwed up, so I couldn't see well enough to see who it was. Turned out it was a Kebelin, a girl I used to work with at the church. I haven't seen her since soon after I stopped serving there, but thanks to Facebook we stay in contact. In fact we chatted recently on Facebook and she told me she is pregnant.

A while ago Ana thought Kebelin was pregnant. I was hoping it wasn't true. She just graduated from high school a few months ago and her boyfriend is still in high school. In any case, I was super happy to see her! She ran across the street and gave me a big hug. She still looks the same, only she has a baby belly now. She is due to have the baby June 17th. Her plan is to go to college in September. Sounds like a tough road to me, but I only tell her that I am sure she can do it.

After lots of hugs under the hot sun Kebelin headed home and Ana's kids piled into the car. The younger kids wanted to go to McDondald's but Jired was very set on Popeyes. Jired hardly ever voices an opinion, so we went to Popeyes. The playland was hotter than the weather outside but the kids had fun. Then we went to McDonalds for ice cream sundaes. It was the first time the kids ever ate a sundae. They thought it was a little strange, but delicious! Playland at McDonalds was smaller, but we all decided it was better. And air conditioned. I had my fill of fast food for the year.

Samuel took some great photos. Isa's going through a stage where little things scare her. She's never been a scaredy cat before. In fact, she's the opposite! Maybe it's because her mommy is in the hospital and she's never been without her Mom before.

As I dropped the kids off Jired pointed out that Lorenzo was playing on the side of the road. I stopped and he ran up to the car. We only chatted for a second. After I dropped everyone off he was still there, trying to get a mango off a tree with a stick. There was only one that was ripe. But it fell on the other side of the wall, so he couldn't get it. Poor Lorenzo. His face matures, but he never grows.

As I was standing on the street with Lorenzo, my phone rang. It was his sister, Erika. I figured she had seen me or heard I was in Los Pinos. Word there does travel fast. But no, she just happened to call as I was standing next to her brother.

Erika said Carlos wanted to talk to me. All of the kids had exams last week. Something provoked me to ask Carlos how he did on his tests. He said he did well. Then his mother grabbed the phone. She said I needed to talk to Carlos because he won't go to school. He didn't pass any of his exams. He got a 4 out of 30 in Spanish class.

She said she walks him to school every day, but then he leaves. I asked why and she just said that e says he has no interest in school. Carlos wants to drop out of school and be part of Impacto Juvenil like his big brothers. WHAT!???? I assured her that Impacto Juvenil will not take Carlos if he drops out of school and reminded her that Impacto Juvenil is not about education. It's about morals and values and lots of good stuff, but it is not a substitute for school!

At first I was frustrated with her, but then I realized she is doing all she knows to do. She asked for an appointment with our psychologist. She and Carlos will see the psychologist first thing Tuesday. She's really on the ball! I applauded her for that. Then I talked to her about punishment. I emphasized that I was not talking about physical punishment, but rather consequences for not studying. She is even on top of that! She said that Erika is tutoring Carlos in math and Spanish. He has been studying during vacation. According to her, if Carlos doesn't do well on tests for recuperation on Monday, he will have to withdraw from school. I'm glad she has the appointment with the psychologist Tuesday. He can help her figure things out for Carlos. (Something really cool about Impacto Juvenil is that if one family member is part of the program, the whole family has access to our therapists and lawyers, so Carlos is covered too.)

Carlos got back on the phone and asked when I was going to visit. I told him I am not sure, but that if he does not apply himself at school, I will not be taking him on any fun outings. I will take his siblings, but I will not take someone who is not in school. When I asked why he doesn't want to go to school, he was silent. Finally I just told him I love him very much and I hope he will study. He said he will.

Samuel has been chosen for a soccer team with the local private college

David was great at entertaining the smaller kids. He's such a sweetie.

First sundaes ever!

Samuel took the rest of the photos. You'd never know he's seven years old and it's his first time with a camera!

 Great photos Samuel!

New Stuff!

God was totally amazing yesterday! I had the meeting with my supervisor. She apologized for being late, saying she was learning about church leaders who are being killed by gangs for not paying the "war tax".

I shared with her that I was extremely scared a few weeks ago because I believed my church was being extorted. Turned out it wasn't, but when I explained the whole story she said she would have been scared too!

(Don't worry. We are all safe at the church. We just had some break ins and had to implement more strict security measures.)

That was the perfect segue for me to explain to my boss that God had been asking me to be obedient for a few months and I had been pushing Him away. I explained that God was asking me to go back to the US but I didn't want to, so I kept justifying why I shouldn't. I became grumpy and withdrawn the more I disobeyed. Finally, God had to shock me into listening. Now that I have accepted God's plan, I feel cheerful and have peace again.

She asked when I will leave. I told her that God had clearly given me a date of June 14th for three months. Then she asked if I will leave my things in Honduras and if I will continue renting my apartment here. Once she was sure that I am only taking the cat and enough clothes to get by, she seemed fine. Hahaha!

She also told me that it's very interesting that God gave me the date of June 14th because international flights go up on June 15th for the summer. I didn't even know that. God is looking out for my wallet!

Then came the best part! She has been thinking about how I can best serve Impacto Juvenil and had several new ideas for 2017.

This year I will help a psychologist start a program for incest survivors. I am really excited about that. It will be a great experience for me, and I will have a lot to offer because I have worked with that population in the US.

Also, I will be working with the "Strong Mothers" program to help women start their own small business. I'm not very business minded, but part of the program is building self esteem and that is one of my strengths.

The third new project sounds most fun of all. My boss needs photos and information to share with our donors. Impacto Juvenil is a Christian non-profit organization. She wants me to do one interview per week and write a story with photos of the person I interview. My interview will be used to keep our donors informed. It can write about a mother in beauty classes, or kids from our weekly clubs. I can write about the community projects we do, or guitar classes. She is leaving it up to me to decide who/what I write about each week. It will be a fun way to get to know the people we serve and see the ways they benefit from our program.

I already did my first interview today. One of the girls in my club said she wants to be a mechanic. She has been raised by her grandfather since she was three years old. Her friends told her she must be bisexual if she wants to do such a "macho" job. But her grandfather told her not to pay any attention to the other kids. He will support her dreams. If she wants to be a mechanic, then she should study to be a mechanic. Isn't that cool?

She talked about how she was in a van on the way home from school. The van broke down. She felt scared because it was not safe to be stuck in a van on the side of the road. A man came along on a motorcycle and lifted the hood of the van. He pulled out his tools and took a look. The girl watched everything he did. He explained to her that the van was overheating and needed to cool down. Ever since that day she has wanted to be a mechanic.

This week I will send out a newsletter and tell everyone else about my new responsibilities and about my trip to the US. I'll have plenty of free time because it's Semana Santa (Holy Week). The rest of Tegucigalpa is leaving today for the beach. The streets are full of people with suitcases. The city will soon be empty. I'll have lots of time to write.

First week of swimming

I'm feeling much better now that I figured out what God was asking of me. Church was great, work is fun, and I have peace again. I was lacking peace for a while.

I was supposed to meet with my boss today about other stuff and thought that would be an opportunity to present the idea of going to the US for three months. However, donors from Sweden are in town so she was busy hosting them and we didn't get to meet. She has been nothing but supportive in the past, so I expect she will understand. I think a lot of the reason I didn't want to go to the US, and was struggling with God about the idea, is because I didn't want to let her or my coworkers down.

Saturday we had the first swimming lessons through Impacto Juvenil. The classes are at the gym I belonged to when I lived up in the mountains. It's a private gym with a nice pool which makes it easier to keep track of the kids. But all of the members are watching and asking who we are. One lady asked my coworker where all of the kids came from. When my coworker explained the kids are part of a non-profit program the lady snorted, said "Que ordinario," (a strong insult), stood up and left. We have to be sure we are on our best behavior at all times because we can't give any gym member a reason to complain.

The kids were super brave. They jumped right into the water. All of them went underwater and blew bubbles on the very first try. All but two are comfortable in the water. All but four can basically swim. We'll teach them personal water safety and the four basic strokes. I had my doubts about pulling this off in 10 one hour classes, but now that I see how advanced these kids are compared to Los Pinos kids, I'm not worried at all. They should be good swimmers in 10 weeks.

The hardest part of the whole day was getting them to take off their underwear. Sounds crazy, but it's true! The girls wanted to wear bras and underpants under their swimsuits. Boys were trying to wear shorts over their suits and underpants underneath. Once we got rid of the underwear, we were good to go.

People here are totally not accustomed to bathing suits. When I went to Jamaica I published the photo below. Laura asked Fany why I was nude and showing my "intimate parts". Coworkers commented about how much skin I showed.

Mountains of cleavage are acceptable. Nursing in public, even at church, is totally common. (I'm not saying it shouldn't be. My point is that Hondurans are not at all prudish when it comes to breasts.) Skin tight pants are everywhere from the business offices to the street, even in the heat of summer. But bathing suits are taboo here.

Pastora Ruth (God!) preached directly to my soul on Sunday. We are fasting this week for the exact things that have been on my heart. It was perfect.

This morning we had a devotional about Holy Week. Holy Week here seems to end on Saturday. Nobody speaks much of the resurrection or Easter Sunday. It was the same with our invited speaker this morning. We went back to the Book of Genesis, Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. We talked about sin and Jesus dying for our sins. We talked about Jesus going to hell and people being rescued from hell. We were told to prepare and dig deep inside, take an inventory - see how we stand with God. But we never spoke about Christ rising from the dead. I don't understand why that part is always left out.

After church I took Laura to the doctor. You've heard me rant about Hondurans and antibiotics. The overuse of antibiotics and lack of education about how germs and how they are spread are my two biggest rants.

Laura started antibiotics Friday. Today is Monday. She and the other kids who were in the waiting room together on Friday were all back for a check up today. No one improved, nor did they get worse. All four still have a fever and cough.

The first three went in before Laura. They all got an injection of antibiotics. I told Fany if the doctor wanted to inject Laura I would pay for blood work first to be sure it was an infection. Years ago the same doctor told me he gives antibiotics not because it's correct, but because it's what the parents expect. If he didn't give antibiotics the parents would say he's a bad doctor.

Thankfully the doctor told Fany the injection is expensive. He said if Laura still has a fever tomorrow, Fany should bring Laura back and then she will get the injection. I hope the fever goes away tonight.

Forrest fires started up again last week. For some reason everyone is freaking out this year. This happens every year. It's nothing new. The city becomes blanketed in smoke and it's hard to breath. This year it's not bad down here, but there have been fires in the mountains. I expect it will get worse until our first rain, which should come in about a month.

Today I got permission to publish photos of the kids on Facebook! I am excited to be able to share photos with people in the US. I was given specific instructions to only publish photos of the kids from the rib cage and above if they are wearing bathing suits. I may have to do some crazy cropping.

It is sooooo hot here. We just sit and sweat. Today it got up to 100.4 Fany said. By 8 a.m. the sun scalded my skin.

20 kids from Villa Nueva learning to swim

♥