Last night I fell asleep more easily than expected. I realize today that problem solving in Spanish is twice as exhausting than if all of this had happened in my primary language. But today I got a little giggle. I called the front desk to ask for a toothbrush and comb. When she started rattling off some reply in Spanish I asked her to speak in English please. She seemed very surprised that I needed English. So must be I'm pulling off the Spanish pretty well. The hotel does have toothbrushes and combs. My clothes, which I had washed in the sink, were dry. The shower felt great. Should have done that last night, but I was too tired to think straight.
My cousin, Carolyn, is in the Peace Corp in Guatemala. This morning she was on Facebook, so I asked her to call Jairo and tell him my flight number and SUPPOSED arrival time in Teguc. She called and gave him all of the information. I told her, "Super. Thanks." She said, "That's funny, that's exactly what he said when I gave him the info." I told her must be I am acclimating well if I am already talking just like Jairo. I wish she could come and visit me, see my apartment, meet my friends... but the Peace Corp has a travel ban for certain areas right now, so she can't. Maybe I could visit her sometime.
So Jairo has all of the info I can offer at this time. I got a good nights' sleep and a shower. Nothing to do now but wait for a shuttle to my plane, which should come in half an hour.
I must also add that my mother was very calm through all of this. I am sure she would prefer me to be in Teguc with my friends, not alone in El Salvador. But she seemed fine, which helps me feel better too.
I met an interesting man on the bus ride from the airport to the hotel last night. He was from Belgium, but now lives in Nicaragua. He said he has heard that Coapan is the most beautiful place in Central America, but he said Nicaragua is safest, least touristy, and has the nicest people. I would like to see Coapan. He said that about six years ago he worked on the water system in Tegucigalpa. He said there were many problems with the water system, but the biggest was that gangs would not let the companies operate without paying them off, and the companies refused to pay.
This quote was at the top of my journal last night. I liked it and thought it fitting:
"What we feel, think and do this moment influences both our present and the future in ways we may never know. Begin. Start right where you are. Consider your possibilities and find inspiration...to add more meaning and zest to your life." - Alexandra Stoddard
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
The Lone Gringa
I was supposed to be in Honduras by now. But instead, as my new friend Rachel said, I am on an adventure. At least I'm trying to see it that way. As I wash my underwear and shirt in the sink and soak my contacts in a dish of water it's not so easy to put a positive spin on this. Plus my luggage is missing.
Everything was pretty uneventful until I got to El Salvador. Of course there was mad scurrying in Phoenix to figure out how to get an extra 9 pounds of luggage into the plane - the answer was to stuff it inside my pillow case. I slept on the first two connections with my pillowcase full of shoes and books.
In Houston there was only one other obvious Gringo on the plane. Everyone else was speaking only Spanish. In El Salvador I was definitely the only Gringa left. They didn't even translate messages anymore, which made it more difficult when, as we were taxiing for take off, they suddenly turned around said something about "conditions". That's really all I caught - and the fact that we were headed back to the airport. The woman next to me asked me when they had said, so apparently it wasn't very clear to even the Spanish speakers.
We got all of our personal belongings and were told to wait for 15 minutes. I knew that was too good to be true, so I begged a phone from a nice lady and called Jairo to warn him I was running late. Then they said the plan was fixed - (HURRAY!) but the flight crew was over their allotted flight time and could not fly the plane. Since the airport was closed there was nobody else who could fly us either. They told us there is an 8 a.m. flight tomorrow, but it's full. Not sure why they even told us that. Then they said they are arranging for a whole new plane to come and take us to Honduras. In the meantime we will get dinner at Hotel Intercontinental, and a free room, as well as a $200 voucher.
All of that is great except that in my scurrying to arrange my luggage I brought nothing I would need for this situation. Yes people, I had a carry-on and a pillowcase full of stuff, but no deodorant, contact lens solution, clean clothes, etc... Let this be a lesson to you as well, I am now in one of the nicest hotels I will probably ever experience, but I don't have the things I need to fully enjoy it. And you should also know that when you ask for sleeping pills "pills for sleeping" in Spanish, you get a very strange look and almost a lecture from the man at the front desk about the fact that the hotel does not sell "street drugs".
Had to fill out an immigration form that asked for my occupation. Initially my head was blank until finally I realized that officially now I am a missionary. CRAZY!!!
Saw a cool volcano as we flew over El Salvador. The sunset was gorgeous. I kept thinking the thing I was most nervous about is my language skills. Nothing like getting thrown into the fire. Figuring out what was going on was tough. And I keep getting caught off guard - like calling the front desk to ask for contact lens solution, then realizing I have no idea how to say "contact lens solution" in Spanish. So I asked for a something to clean my eyes. He said he'd be right up with a towel. I said no! A liquid to clean my eyes and again he said he would send it to me in a minute. Nothing ever came, so I went down and asked in person. They don't have contact lense solution, or sleeping pills, or free internet, or deodorant. But they do have soft sheets, a cushy mattress, a flat screen tv as wide as the bed (but I'm not turning it on because I've heard enough Spanish for the day) and good food with servers who were really top notch.
I will try to sleep in tomorrow. Hopefully, my next entry will be from Honduras!
Buenas noches desde San Salvador.
Everything was pretty uneventful until I got to El Salvador. Of course there was mad scurrying in Phoenix to figure out how to get an extra 9 pounds of luggage into the plane - the answer was to stuff it inside my pillow case. I slept on the first two connections with my pillowcase full of shoes and books.
In Houston there was only one other obvious Gringo on the plane. Everyone else was speaking only Spanish. In El Salvador I was definitely the only Gringa left. They didn't even translate messages anymore, which made it more difficult when, as we were taxiing for take off, they suddenly turned around said something about "conditions". That's really all I caught - and the fact that we were headed back to the airport. The woman next to me asked me when they had said, so apparently it wasn't very clear to even the Spanish speakers.
We got all of our personal belongings and were told to wait for 15 minutes. I knew that was too good to be true, so I begged a phone from a nice lady and called Jairo to warn him I was running late. Then they said the plan was fixed - (HURRAY!) but the flight crew was over their allotted flight time and could not fly the plane. Since the airport was closed there was nobody else who could fly us either. They told us there is an 8 a.m. flight tomorrow, but it's full. Not sure why they even told us that. Then they said they are arranging for a whole new plane to come and take us to Honduras. In the meantime we will get dinner at Hotel Intercontinental, and a free room, as well as a $200 voucher.
All of that is great except that in my scurrying to arrange my luggage I brought nothing I would need for this situation. Yes people, I had a carry-on and a pillowcase full of stuff, but no deodorant, contact lens solution, clean clothes, etc... Let this be a lesson to you as well, I am now in one of the nicest hotels I will probably ever experience, but I don't have the things I need to fully enjoy it. And you should also know that when you ask for sleeping pills "pills for sleeping" in Spanish, you get a very strange look and almost a lecture from the man at the front desk about the fact that the hotel does not sell "street drugs".
Had to fill out an immigration form that asked for my occupation. Initially my head was blank until finally I realized that officially now I am a missionary. CRAZY!!!
Saw a cool volcano as we flew over El Salvador. The sunset was gorgeous. I kept thinking the thing I was most nervous about is my language skills. Nothing like getting thrown into the fire. Figuring out what was going on was tough. And I keep getting caught off guard - like calling the front desk to ask for contact lens solution, then realizing I have no idea how to say "contact lens solution" in Spanish. So I asked for a something to clean my eyes. He said he'd be right up with a towel. I said no! A liquid to clean my eyes and again he said he would send it to me in a minute. Nothing ever came, so I went down and asked in person. They don't have contact lense solution, or sleeping pills, or free internet, or deodorant. But they do have soft sheets, a cushy mattress, a flat screen tv as wide as the bed (but I'm not turning it on because I've heard enough Spanish for the day) and good food with servers who were really top notch.
I will try to sleep in tomorrow. Hopefully, my next entry will be from Honduras!
Buenas noches desde San Salvador.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Phase Two
I have now begun "Phase Two" of my move to Honduras. So far it's great. I slept last night better than I've slept in weeks.
This is a good time to acknowledge and thank everyone who helped me get out of my little house in Salt Lake. (Oh, how I loved that house.) Thank you, in reverse order from your time of assistance to:
Jody O., Jody O, Jody O., Robin, Heather, Steve & Jody O., Frank Strickland, Kasey Kocherscheidt, Jenna Murphy, Laura Strickland (phone support), Sandrine (phone support and hugs), Frank and Abby. It felt a little hectic, but we got it done! Everyone was a lot of help, but Frank was a life saver.
Yesterday I pulled out of Salt Lake with both kitties, all of my gear for Telluride Bluegrass Festival in June, and (I hope) everything I need for Honduras. The cats and I made the 11 hour trek from SLC to Scottsdale without incident. The cats were perfect, which eases my mind for the 10 hour flight if/when they move to Honduras. The drive was GORGEOUS. I had never explored Utah below I-70. It was beautiful, as were the canyons and lakes in Northern Arizona. I stopped and took a few pictures but they didn't do it justice so I won't post them. It did hit me about 20 minutes outside of Salt Lake that I am now a homeless woman with two cats. But friends assure me that is only a fact according to the postal service. Still, for the first time I had the thought, "What in the world am I doing? I have no job, no home, and two cats to take care of! This is crazy!!!" And then I remembered that God calls us to do crazy things and it all became relative. (I recognize that many people are in far worse situations, but most of them didn't purposely choose those situations.)
Last night we arrived at Hoke's house at 10 pm. He will keep the cats for the next 3 months. It has now been almost 24 hours and Bella remains in hiding under the entertainment center. I wouldn't be surprised if she stays there the whole 3 months. Jetty is the opposite. She loves Hoke's dog, growls at his roommate's cat and has already taken over the house. In fact as soon as we pulled in the driveway last night Jetty began to purr. Too bad she couldn't share some of her joy and fearless sense of adventure with Bella.
I had an amazing night's sleep and woke up refreshed and excited. My flight to Honduras is just close enough that it doesn't feel too far away, but far enough that I still have plenty of time to wrap up loose ends. Today I lounged by the pool, sunbathing and finalizing flight details. I had some quality prayer time, then ran errands. My body is craving exercise. I haven't worked out in two days. Did some research and I think I can get into pilates classes here on Saturday and Monday. That would be great.
Matt said the boys at work - wait, I don't work there anymore - the boys at my previous job have been asking about me. That feels nice. And it makes me feel a little guilty that I don't miss them. Working with sex offenders for almost 5 years is difficult. BUT the point is, now I am here. In Scottsdale. Waiting to fly to Honduras. And it feels GRRRREAT!
People have asked about how they can donate. I am still only about half funded and can really use your support. One time donations are very helpful and completely appreciated, but if I am not fully funded with monthly donations I will not be able to stay in Honduras past this initial three months. Here's the link:
https://worldoutreach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=117
Just click on my name (Fager, Mary Lynn) and select the monthly or one time gift option.
Thanks for reading!
This is a good time to acknowledge and thank everyone who helped me get out of my little house in Salt Lake. (Oh, how I loved that house.) Thank you, in reverse order from your time of assistance to:
Jody O., Jody O, Jody O., Robin, Heather, Steve & Jody O., Frank Strickland, Kasey Kocherscheidt, Jenna Murphy, Laura Strickland (phone support), Sandrine (phone support and hugs), Frank and Abby. It felt a little hectic, but we got it done! Everyone was a lot of help, but Frank was a life saver.
Yesterday I pulled out of Salt Lake with both kitties, all of my gear for Telluride Bluegrass Festival in June, and (I hope) everything I need for Honduras. The cats and I made the 11 hour trek from SLC to Scottsdale without incident. The cats were perfect, which eases my mind for the 10 hour flight if/when they move to Honduras. The drive was GORGEOUS. I had never explored Utah below I-70. It was beautiful, as were the canyons and lakes in Northern Arizona. I stopped and took a few pictures but they didn't do it justice so I won't post them. It did hit me about 20 minutes outside of Salt Lake that I am now a homeless woman with two cats. But friends assure me that is only a fact according to the postal service. Still, for the first time I had the thought, "What in the world am I doing? I have no job, no home, and two cats to take care of! This is crazy!!!" And then I remembered that God calls us to do crazy things and it all became relative. (I recognize that many people are in far worse situations, but most of them didn't purposely choose those situations.)
Last night we arrived at Hoke's house at 10 pm. He will keep the cats for the next 3 months. It has now been almost 24 hours and Bella remains in hiding under the entertainment center. I wouldn't be surprised if she stays there the whole 3 months. Jetty is the opposite. She loves Hoke's dog, growls at his roommate's cat and has already taken over the house. In fact as soon as we pulled in the driveway last night Jetty began to purr. Too bad she couldn't share some of her joy and fearless sense of adventure with Bella.
I had an amazing night's sleep and woke up refreshed and excited. My flight to Honduras is just close enough that it doesn't feel too far away, but far enough that I still have plenty of time to wrap up loose ends. Today I lounged by the pool, sunbathing and finalizing flight details. I had some quality prayer time, then ran errands. My body is craving exercise. I haven't worked out in two days. Did some research and I think I can get into pilates classes here on Saturday and Monday. That would be great.
Matt said the boys at work - wait, I don't work there anymore - the boys at my previous job have been asking about me. That feels nice. And it makes me feel a little guilty that I don't miss them. Working with sex offenders for almost 5 years is difficult. BUT the point is, now I am here. In Scottsdale. Waiting to fly to Honduras. And it feels GRRRREAT!
People have asked about how they can donate. I am still only about half funded and can really use your support. One time donations are very helpful and completely appreciated, but if I am not fully funded with monthly donations I will not be able to stay in Honduras past this initial three months. Here's the link:
https://worldoutreach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=117
Just click on my name (Fager, Mary Lynn) and select the monthly or one time gift option.
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
One week from today...
The first round of good byes went well. I cried at the dentist, but did not cry at work. Pretty sure it freaked out the dentist a little when tears started flowing in the midst of his cleaning. He got me a tissue and I said I was going to miss my boys. He asked, "How many boys do you have?" and I sobbed back, "TWELVE". Don't think he was expecting that answer, but he didn't ask any questions. I guess when you live in Salt Lake and someone is sobbing about 12 boys you just nod your head and move along. He didn't though. He gave me a hug.
At work the boys shared poetry and letters they had written. It was so nice, and even completely appropriate. No strange innuendos or anything. Matt bought 2 cakes, one for the boys and one for staff and we had quite a party. Members of administration even wrote special things in a card for me. I felt really special and appreciated.
Since then I have been "packing", which really means not packing at all. I've spent a lot of time at the Dr's office, running all sorts of errands, forwarding all of my accounts to my mother's house, and all kinds of things I never thought about when I defined moving. It is a real pain in the neck, and has kept me from actually packing the house, so I feel behind and stressed out. But I think I'm doing a good job handling the stress. I've been going to the gym and doing pilates almost every day. I've been trying to eat healthy food when I do eat, because I'm either voracious or have no appetite.
Today my friend Abby came over and helped me actually pack - meaning put things in boxes. We got a lot done together and I was SO grateful for her help. Others have offered help, but I was so behind I didn't even know what to ask them to do. Anyway, Abby was awesome. I am grateful that God brought us together. She used to be my basement neighbor until last week when she and her husband moved out. Who else would move their own house one week, and then repeatedly offer to help you move the next? Abby.
I have a hard time saying this, and I know that some of you who read will think I've gone off deep end when you read this, but I have also been fighting against a lot of spiritual warfare lately. It was very clear on Sunday at my small group and also today, when EVERYTHING went wrong in really strange ways. On Sunday it scared and disempowered me. But today I fought through and ended up on top. Got everything done despite all of the obstacles in my way. It felt great to finish the day strong, knowing the obstacles that I'd faced. Now time to shower and spend the last night in my bed. I washed my sheets just to make it extra nice and cozy. The cats were a little sketched out this evening when most of the stuff had been moved out of the house, but they have settled in well. I hope the continue to stay relaxed through this time of adjustment. One week from tonight I will be IN HONDURAS!!! Yay! I have been waiting for this for so long!
At work the boys shared poetry and letters they had written. It was so nice, and even completely appropriate. No strange innuendos or anything. Matt bought 2 cakes, one for the boys and one for staff and we had quite a party. Members of administration even wrote special things in a card for me. I felt really special and appreciated.
Since then I have been "packing", which really means not packing at all. I've spent a lot of time at the Dr's office, running all sorts of errands, forwarding all of my accounts to my mother's house, and all kinds of things I never thought about when I defined moving. It is a real pain in the neck, and has kept me from actually packing the house, so I feel behind and stressed out. But I think I'm doing a good job handling the stress. I've been going to the gym and doing pilates almost every day. I've been trying to eat healthy food when I do eat, because I'm either voracious or have no appetite.
Today my friend Abby came over and helped me actually pack - meaning put things in boxes. We got a lot done together and I was SO grateful for her help. Others have offered help, but I was so behind I didn't even know what to ask them to do. Anyway, Abby was awesome. I am grateful that God brought us together. She used to be my basement neighbor until last week when she and her husband moved out. Who else would move their own house one week, and then repeatedly offer to help you move the next? Abby.
I have a hard time saying this, and I know that some of you who read will think I've gone off deep end when you read this, but I have also been fighting against a lot of spiritual warfare lately. It was very clear on Sunday at my small group and also today, when EVERYTHING went wrong in really strange ways. On Sunday it scared and disempowered me. But today I fought through and ended up on top. Got everything done despite all of the obstacles in my way. It felt great to finish the day strong, knowing the obstacles that I'd faced. Now time to shower and spend the last night in my bed. I washed my sheets just to make it extra nice and cozy. The cats were a little sketched out this evening when most of the stuff had been moved out of the house, but they have settled in well. I hope the continue to stay relaxed through this time of adjustment. One week from tonight I will be IN HONDURAS!!! Yay! I have been waiting for this for so long!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
First Round of Goodbyes
Tomorrow is my last day of work. I thought this would be a joyous occasion. Many times I've said I never want to go back into that place again. But now that it's actually happening, I don't know how to feel.
Part of me is excited. This signifies a big step toward being a missionary. I was talking to Matt tonight about the fact that it's easier for me to put my physical well-being into God's hands than it is for me to turn over control of my finances. Co-workers keep asking if I'm scared to move to Honduras (per CNN, "the most dangerous region on earth" outside of active war zones). The answer, truly, is no. I'm not scared to be in Honduras. But I am scared about the fact that after tomorrow, I have very little control over my finances.
The boys are very aware of me leaving. They speak of it often. They are writing me letters (which normally would not be allowed) and planning a special night tomorrow. They seem very genuine when they say they don't want me to go and will miss me. I will miss them too. I really hope the person who takes my place cares well for them.
Part of me is excited. This signifies a big step toward being a missionary. I was talking to Matt tonight about the fact that it's easier for me to put my physical well-being into God's hands than it is for me to turn over control of my finances. Co-workers keep asking if I'm scared to move to Honduras (per CNN, "the most dangerous region on earth" outside of active war zones). The answer, truly, is no. I'm not scared to be in Honduras. But I am scared about the fact that after tomorrow, I have very little control over my finances.
The boys are very aware of me leaving. They speak of it often. They are writing me letters (which normally would not be allowed) and planning a special night tomorrow. They seem very genuine when they say they don't want me to go and will miss me. I will miss them too. I really hope the person who takes my place cares well for them.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Packing
Packing sucks. My neighbors downstairs moved out yesterday. Never thought about they way the house feels safer with them here until they were gone. They asked if they could take a picture with me before they left, which I thought was really sweet. Funny thing about the timing, all of us moving on at once. My poor landlord. I still haven't worked up the courage or made the time to go see her. I know I'll regret it if I don't.
Had my first commissioning at church this morning. Was up all night with a HORRIBLE headache. Between that and the time change I barely got any sleep, but I guess it went well.
I've been feeling really alone lately. One good friend is out of the country, so she is excused, but others aren't returning my calls. Makes me sad. Someone said that friends are pulling away because I'm leaving. Sorry. That's not an excuse in my book. Either we are there for each other or we're not. Right now I feel most people are not. I'm afraid to ask for favors (like help moving) because I already feel rejected. My boss/friend, Matt, has offered to help. Hope it's more than him and me. I may only have one useful arm by that day.
Tomorrow I'm going to get an MRI to see if I need shoulder surgery before I go. Praying that I don't. Did the eye Dr. thing Friday. Did you know you can get contacts that work as bifocals? I didn't. But now I do because I have them. And my opthamologist told me if anyone in Honduras needs eye care I should contact him. He said if he can't come, he belongs to a group who will send someone. I plan to take him up on that offer if the need is there!
As I go through all of the stuff in this house I realize how much crap I have that I don't need. Kind of disgusting, the excess. Who needs 29 coffee cups? I don't even drink coffee. So far I have 4 garbage bags of clothes to give away and more that I threw away. Crazy. Missing the days when everything I owned fit in the back of my pick up truck. Most of the cupboards are bare now, but there is still a LOT to do. I am praying that the dye for the MRI tomorrow doesn't leave me as incapacitated as others say it will.
Been chatting with friends in Honduras. So nice to talk to them again. I love hearing Lourdes' voice on the phone. And Karla has left messages. She still talks so fast I have to listen to them three times to fully understand what she says.
My nephew, Jack, went skiing at a resort for the first time today. My brother called to tell me about it. Apparently Jack has already developed a love for skiing. Bob said he yelled "Wheeee!" all the way down. Pretty awesome for a 3 year old. Wish I could have been there. But even now, living here in the states, I miss out on so much with my nephews. I don't think it will be any worse when I am in Honduras.
Today, while I was at church for the commissioning, someone asked if I was sad. It really caught me off guard. First I wondered if I looked sad for some reason. Then I just stood, perplexed, and said, "No, I'm really excited." She said, "Oh, I thought since it's your last week at K2 you might be sad." I told her honestly, I hadn't even thought that far ahead. And next week is actually my last week at K2. I think I will probably feel sad then. But mostly excited. I have spent years now thinking of my church in Honduras and the people there. Sunday is the one day that I can picture them and what they are doing. I miss my Honduran friends most on Sundays. I wonder if I one day will miss my K2 friends most on Sundays. I think so.
Had my first commissioning at church this morning. Was up all night with a HORRIBLE headache. Between that and the time change I barely got any sleep, but I guess it went well.
I've been feeling really alone lately. One good friend is out of the country, so she is excused, but others aren't returning my calls. Makes me sad. Someone said that friends are pulling away because I'm leaving. Sorry. That's not an excuse in my book. Either we are there for each other or we're not. Right now I feel most people are not. I'm afraid to ask for favors (like help moving) because I already feel rejected. My boss/friend, Matt, has offered to help. Hope it's more than him and me. I may only have one useful arm by that day.
Tomorrow I'm going to get an MRI to see if I need shoulder surgery before I go. Praying that I don't. Did the eye Dr. thing Friday. Did you know you can get contacts that work as bifocals? I didn't. But now I do because I have them. And my opthamologist told me if anyone in Honduras needs eye care I should contact him. He said if he can't come, he belongs to a group who will send someone. I plan to take him up on that offer if the need is there!
As I go through all of the stuff in this house I realize how much crap I have that I don't need. Kind of disgusting, the excess. Who needs 29 coffee cups? I don't even drink coffee. So far I have 4 garbage bags of clothes to give away and more that I threw away. Crazy. Missing the days when everything I owned fit in the back of my pick up truck. Most of the cupboards are bare now, but there is still a LOT to do. I am praying that the dye for the MRI tomorrow doesn't leave me as incapacitated as others say it will.
Been chatting with friends in Honduras. So nice to talk to them again. I love hearing Lourdes' voice on the phone. And Karla has left messages. She still talks so fast I have to listen to them three times to fully understand what she says.
My nephew, Jack, went skiing at a resort for the first time today. My brother called to tell me about it. Apparently Jack has already developed a love for skiing. Bob said he yelled "Wheeee!" all the way down. Pretty awesome for a 3 year old. Wish I could have been there. But even now, living here in the states, I miss out on so much with my nephews. I don't think it will be any worse when I am in Honduras.
Today, while I was at church for the commissioning, someone asked if I was sad. It really caught me off guard. First I wondered if I looked sad for some reason. Then I just stood, perplexed, and said, "No, I'm really excited." She said, "Oh, I thought since it's your last week at K2 you might be sad." I told her honestly, I hadn't even thought that far ahead. And next week is actually my last week at K2. I think I will probably feel sad then. But mostly excited. I have spent years now thinking of my church in Honduras and the people there. Sunday is the one day that I can picture them and what they are doing. I miss my Honduran friends most on Sundays. I wonder if I one day will miss my K2 friends most on Sundays. I think so.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Less puking, more praying
Just made the conscious realization that with each step of this process - the email from Lourdes, booking the flight, giving my notice, waiting to hear about housing - I have spent the first 24 hours in a panic and feeling sick to my stomach. Then, after I panic and can't sleep and drive myself into a frenzy, I FINALLY realize that God is in control and I need to hand over the control to Him. Now that I am conscious of this, I need to hand over the control faster and skip the whole panic/nauseous stage. Might be a lifetime process, but it's a goal worth the effort!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The first day of the rest of my life...
Today is Thursday, March 1, 2012. It is not an exaggeration to say that today feels like the first day of the rest of my life.
I BOUGHT THE TICKET FOR HONDURAS!!! I gave my 2 weeks' notice at work. I froze my membership at the gym. And hardest of all, I called my awesome landlord to say I won't be living here anymore. That part sucked. I am not fully funded yet, but I have faith I will get there.
Today work felt awesome. Even when they were being annoying, I realized that soon I will no longer be spending the majority of my life with these crazy boys. It made me appreciate them more. I'll miss my boss, Matt. We worked together for four years. At a job like ours, it's so nice to work with someone you can really rely on and trust. Nurses, custodians, even the CEO are all happy for me. They've been hearing me talk about moving to Honduras for over 2 years. Now it is finally happening!
Got appointments lined up for the next two weeks with my Dr, Dentists, Opthomalogist, and even an orthopedic surgeon. Sure hope my shoulder doesn't need surgery. Cause in my new life I won't have health insurance. Health insurance in a Gringo thing.
I've started to think in Spanish again, which feels nice. It's like my brain is anticipating the upcoming change. I can't wait to see the apartment Karla has picked out for me. I can't wait for my first church service at La Iglesia en Transformación. I can't wait to be ON THE PLANE, flying away to my new life.
Don't get me wrong. My life here in the states is wonderful. I am so blessed with friends, opportunity, my family, and a beautiful home in a GORGEOUS place. But this isn't everything that I am supposed to be. I can't wait to get back to Honduras and feel fully alive again. To feel like I am really me, being true to myself. Right now I feel like I am doing my best to make the most of each day, but it's not quite. right. Soon it will be right again. I'm going back to Honduras!!!! Yay!!!!!!
I BOUGHT THE TICKET FOR HONDURAS!!! I gave my 2 weeks' notice at work. I froze my membership at the gym. And hardest of all, I called my awesome landlord to say I won't be living here anymore. That part sucked. I am not fully funded yet, but I have faith I will get there.
Today work felt awesome. Even when they were being annoying, I realized that soon I will no longer be spending the majority of my life with these crazy boys. It made me appreciate them more. I'll miss my boss, Matt. We worked together for four years. At a job like ours, it's so nice to work with someone you can really rely on and trust. Nurses, custodians, even the CEO are all happy for me. They've been hearing me talk about moving to Honduras for over 2 years. Now it is finally happening!
Got appointments lined up for the next two weeks with my Dr, Dentists, Opthomalogist, and even an orthopedic surgeon. Sure hope my shoulder doesn't need surgery. Cause in my new life I won't have health insurance. Health insurance in a Gringo thing.
I've started to think in Spanish again, which feels nice. It's like my brain is anticipating the upcoming change. I can't wait to see the apartment Karla has picked out for me. I can't wait for my first church service at La Iglesia en Transformación. I can't wait to be ON THE PLANE, flying away to my new life.
Don't get me wrong. My life here in the states is wonderful. I am so blessed with friends, opportunity, my family, and a beautiful home in a GORGEOUS place. But this isn't everything that I am supposed to be. I can't wait to get back to Honduras and feel fully alive again. To feel like I am really me, being true to myself. Right now I feel like I am doing my best to make the most of each day, but it's not quite. right. Soon it will be right again. I'm going back to Honduras!!!! Yay!!!!!!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Years in the making
Tonight I had small group. I may only have 3 more small groups before I leave if plans work out the way I am thinking. I have asked for prayer because I think it makes sense to go to Honduras for 90 days, then come back to the US. It serves several purposes: I can go to Telluride with Bob and his family; I can come back and do more fund raising with a fresh perspective, new photos and new stories; I can find a house while I am there, then have a place for me and my cats to move into when I return; and I can get my passport stamped, which I will have to do every 90 days anyway.
One of my small group members said 90 days is a good amount of time for me to get a feel for things down there. We agreed, the first month in a new place is fun, but after the second or third month things can start to get old. She said she thought I would get frustrated over the lack of running water. I told her the lack of running water has never bothered me and reminded her that I lived outdoors year round, doing wilderness therapy before she met me. I told her about standing in the snow and bathing with a coffee can of water. She laughed and said once again, she is amazed at all of the ways God has prepared me to serve in Honduras. In Honduras I will NEVER have to stand in the snow and wash myself with one coffee can of water. I'll have the luxury of a bathroom!
My life in Honduras has really been years in the making, from Spanish classes in high school, to the close relationships I formed so naturally with Central American friends at various restaurant jobs in my 20's, to being baptized in Honduras (which went against all of my plans), then going back to Honduras to become more fluent in Spanish and realizing I was called to serve there. And so many things in between. There is no doubt where I belong. The only question is when. Right now I am praying about March 27th.
One of my small group members said 90 days is a good amount of time for me to get a feel for things down there. We agreed, the first month in a new place is fun, but after the second or third month things can start to get old. She said she thought I would get frustrated over the lack of running water. I told her the lack of running water has never bothered me and reminded her that I lived outdoors year round, doing wilderness therapy before she met me. I told her about standing in the snow and bathing with a coffee can of water. She laughed and said once again, she is amazed at all of the ways God has prepared me to serve in Honduras. In Honduras I will NEVER have to stand in the snow and wash myself with one coffee can of water. I'll have the luxury of a bathroom!
My life in Honduras has really been years in the making, from Spanish classes in high school, to the close relationships I formed so naturally with Central American friends at various restaurant jobs in my 20's, to being baptized in Honduras (which went against all of my plans), then going back to Honduras to become more fluent in Spanish and realizing I was called to serve there. And so many things in between. There is no doubt where I belong. The only question is when. Right now I am praying about March 27th.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Water
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| Overlooking Los Pinos |
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| Kids carrying water to home |
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| The living area |
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| Bedroom |
Yesterday, as I returned from Pilates class here in Salt Lake, I dumped the tap water from my water bottle onto the ground. That small action really made me think.
When I move to Honduras, most of the families I will serve do not have running water. If a home does have running water, the city controls when the water is turned on. The last time I lived in Honduras we had running water from about 11pm until 6am every 3rd night. Usually. We stored that water in huge garbage cans to use later. The water was not safe to drink. I saw a little squirmy amoeba-like thing in it once, so I never looked at it closely again. It comes in one temperature - cold.
Kids from the Breakfast Program I will serve always ask for the left over milk cartons. They fill the milk cartons with water to take home for dishes or bathing. I have visited some of the childrens' homes. The first home I ever visited kept their water in a bathtub. However, chickens had access to the same bathtub. Let's suffice it to say, the water was not clean. Most other homes had garbage cans outside to catch rain water for bathing or cleaning.
A home in Los Pinos (the community I will serve) is usually one room, sectioned off with a sheet between the sleeping and living space. It has a dirt floor. The walls are random pieces of wood. When it rains, the rain can easily blow through the walls. A piece of tin is set on top of the walls and held in place with heavy rocks to make a roof. Cooking happens outside in a designated area. I never asked where a person relieves themselves. After visiting those homes I understood better why I often saw people urinating along the side of the road. Why walk home and urinate near your house when there is no bathroom there?
Lourdes and Jairo have called several times. Lourdes said she needs me "urgently", but she wants me to move in God's time. She is currently feeding at least 65 kids on a daily basis and really needs help. I will tell you more specifics about that later. For today, water was on my mind.
When I move to Honduras, most of the families I will serve do not have running water. If a home does have running water, the city controls when the water is turned on. The last time I lived in Honduras we had running water from about 11pm until 6am every 3rd night. Usually. We stored that water in huge garbage cans to use later. The water was not safe to drink. I saw a little squirmy amoeba-like thing in it once, so I never looked at it closely again. It comes in one temperature - cold.
Kids from the Breakfast Program I will serve always ask for the left over milk cartons. They fill the milk cartons with water to take home for dishes or bathing. I have visited some of the childrens' homes. The first home I ever visited kept their water in a bathtub. However, chickens had access to the same bathtub. Let's suffice it to say, the water was not clean. Most other homes had garbage cans outside to catch rain water for bathing or cleaning.
A home in Los Pinos (the community I will serve) is usually one room, sectioned off with a sheet between the sleeping and living space. It has a dirt floor. The walls are random pieces of wood. When it rains, the rain can easily blow through the walls. A piece of tin is set on top of the walls and held in place with heavy rocks to make a roof. Cooking happens outside in a designated area. I never asked where a person relieves themselves. After visiting those homes I understood better why I often saw people urinating along the side of the road. Why walk home and urinate near your house when there is no bathroom there?
Lourdes and Jairo have called several times. Lourdes said she needs me "urgently", but she wants me to move in God's time. She is currently feeding at least 65 kids on a daily basis and really needs help. I will tell you more specifics about that later. For today, water was on my mind.
So for now, I will continue to appreciate my fresh smelling clothes, which I washed in a washing machine and dried in a dryer. I will enjoy pilates classes in a studio more extravagant than most homes in Honduras. I will bask in a hot shower after class and be grateful for the way it eases my sore muscles. I will drink tap water and not complain that it doesn't taste the same as bottled. Finally, I will NOT dump tap water onto the ground again. It just doesn't feel right anymore.
Many people have asked how fund raising is going. On March 1st I will receive a statement from World Outreach Ministries, the people who are handling my finances. I'll update you after I have more specific information. To those of you who are supporting me financially, I appreciate it more than words can say. Every penny helps. However, I must reach my goal in monthly donations before I can leave. You can contribute by clicking on this link and finding my name (Fager, Mary Lynn).
https://worldoutreach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=117
Thank you for helping me follow my calling. I can't wait to be writing to you with awesome stories from my new home in Honduras!
https://worldoutreach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=117
Thank you for helping me follow my calling. I can't wait to be writing to you with awesome stories from my new home in Honduras!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
(Almost) A Year Later
A lot has happened in the past year. But in some ways not much has changed. My baby nephew, Joey, was born 10 weeks early. He is now a healthy, beautiful one year old. My mother moved from Illinois to Littleton, CO to be closer to her grandsons.
I am still in Utah.
I began fundraising last April to move to Honduras. What started out feeling like a productive, easy process, came to a halt in May. There were a few rough and confusing months over the summer. However, during that time I never lost the feeling that I was called to serve in Honduras.
Two weeks ago Jairo said it would not be a good idea for me to go. I watched a CNN Special Report entitled, "Honduras: The most dangerous region on earth" that night. Everyone seemed to agree that things have changed in Honduras and it is much more dangerous. Yet, I still felt the call to serve the people there. So I sent out an email asking for prayer. Maybe I was meant to serve from the US? Maybe it would be a matter of waiting until the country gained control over immense drug trafficking problems? I didn't know what the answer would be.
However, my prayers were answered quickly with and email from Lourdes which stated that she would like me to come "now, in this moment". She asked for a phone number so she could call me, Jairo called the next day - twice. The day after Lourdes called and we talked for almost an hour about all of the ways I can serve the church there. The biggest shock to me was that the dynamic had changed from me asking, "Please, will you allow me to come?" to them asking me, "Please will you come? We need you urgently."
Fundraising has picked up again and I am really relieved to say that finally I have my mother's blessing. For years she has been anxious about the idea of me moving to Honduras, but the recently the Lord has given her peace.
Now I'm praying about how and when to move forward. Much of it depends on finances. But Lourdes has made it very clear that while she would like me to be there as soon as possible, she also wants to be sure that this is all done in the Lord's perfect time. Many people are praying for me. We are asking God if I should go for a temporary visit, then find a place to live so I could return and move in with my 2 cats. (Yes, I will be the crazy gringa cat lady.) Or should I pack up and leave permanently all at once. So far I have not gotten a notion of God speaking to me about this. But I have faith that He is moving in my life right now. Many things have happened that are more than coincidence. So I know that He will show me the path He wants me to take.
In the meantime I am grateful for the many ways He as shown me his presence so that I know I am not alone on this journey, but I am indeed following the calling that my God has for me.
I am still in Utah.
I began fundraising last April to move to Honduras. What started out feeling like a productive, easy process, came to a halt in May. There were a few rough and confusing months over the summer. However, during that time I never lost the feeling that I was called to serve in Honduras.
Two weeks ago Jairo said it would not be a good idea for me to go. I watched a CNN Special Report entitled, "Honduras: The most dangerous region on earth" that night. Everyone seemed to agree that things have changed in Honduras and it is much more dangerous. Yet, I still felt the call to serve the people there. So I sent out an email asking for prayer. Maybe I was meant to serve from the US? Maybe it would be a matter of waiting until the country gained control over immense drug trafficking problems? I didn't know what the answer would be.
However, my prayers were answered quickly with and email from Lourdes which stated that she would like me to come "now, in this moment". She asked for a phone number so she could call me, Jairo called the next day - twice. The day after Lourdes called and we talked for almost an hour about all of the ways I can serve the church there. The biggest shock to me was that the dynamic had changed from me asking, "Please, will you allow me to come?" to them asking me, "Please will you come? We need you urgently."
Fundraising has picked up again and I am really relieved to say that finally I have my mother's blessing. For years she has been anxious about the idea of me moving to Honduras, but the recently the Lord has given her peace.
Now I'm praying about how and when to move forward. Much of it depends on finances. But Lourdes has made it very clear that while she would like me to be there as soon as possible, she also wants to be sure that this is all done in the Lord's perfect time. Many people are praying for me. We are asking God if I should go for a temporary visit, then find a place to live so I could return and move in with my 2 cats. (Yes, I will be the crazy gringa cat lady.) Or should I pack up and leave permanently all at once. So far I have not gotten a notion of God speaking to me about this. But I have faith that He is moving in my life right now. Many things have happened that are more than coincidence. So I know that He will show me the path He wants me to take.
In the meantime I am grateful for the many ways He as shown me his presence so that I know I am not alone on this journey, but I am indeed following the calling that my God has for me.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Business Cards
I made business cards today! It took hours, and lot help from Heather, but I really like them. They say "Mary Lynn Fager, Missionary". Still sounds strange to me.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I AM MOVING TO HONDURAS!
Today I had lunch with my friend, Ricci. She just finished taking an exam which will determine if she is officially an RN. She was anxious to hear the test results, which she thought she'd get tomorrow. However, in the middle of lunch her phone rang. She got a funny look on her face, and took the call. The call was to tell her she passed the exam! She explained how relieved she felt that now she could move on with her life in the path she was hoping and start looking for jobs as an RN.
I thought about how long I have been waiting, like Ricci, to take the next step in my own life. I decided as I got into my car to leave the restaurant that I would stop waiting and try to do something about it for myself. I called Robin and left her a voicemail saying that I was going to call Jairo and ask him if he had time to talk to me. I asked her to pray.
Then I called Jairo. He seemed happy to hear from me. He started explaining to me in Spanish what was going on in Honduras. I am embarrassed and disappointed to say that when he asked if I understood what he was saying, I had to say no. So he explained in English that the elders had met and talked about me moving to Honduras. In the end, they said that it was in Jairo's hands to decide if I should come. He paused before he told me his decision. I had flashbacks to the time when I asked if he would baptize me and he had told me a long story, in Spanish, then paused for what seemed like forever and answered, "How could I not?" Once again, his pause brought the answer I had been praying for. He said that he wants me to come to Honduras, as a missionary. He wants to be clear that I am serving La Iglesia en Transformación, and not another church. He wants to know if I go anywhere, and who I am going with - for safety reasons. I will sign an agreement about these things.
I cried. I was so excited. I tried to call my mother, but she is driving from Illinois to Florida and never uses her cell phone. Then I tried to call my brother, but he didn't answer. I left another voicemail for Robin, and for my friend Lynne. Then I called Sandrine and finally got ahold of a live person.
At first I had no apprehension. Now I've started to wonder how to move forward. But I am feeling very close to God and I know He will show me the way.
I thought about how long I have been waiting, like Ricci, to take the next step in my own life. I decided as I got into my car to leave the restaurant that I would stop waiting and try to do something about it for myself. I called Robin and left her a voicemail saying that I was going to call Jairo and ask him if he had time to talk to me. I asked her to pray.
Then I called Jairo. He seemed happy to hear from me. He started explaining to me in Spanish what was going on in Honduras. I am embarrassed and disappointed to say that when he asked if I understood what he was saying, I had to say no. So he explained in English that the elders had met and talked about me moving to Honduras. In the end, they said that it was in Jairo's hands to decide if I should come. He paused before he told me his decision. I had flashbacks to the time when I asked if he would baptize me and he had told me a long story, in Spanish, then paused for what seemed like forever and answered, "How could I not?" Once again, his pause brought the answer I had been praying for. He said that he wants me to come to Honduras, as a missionary. He wants to be clear that I am serving La Iglesia en Transformación, and not another church. He wants to know if I go anywhere, and who I am going with - for safety reasons. I will sign an agreement about these things.
I cried. I was so excited. I tried to call my mother, but she is driving from Illinois to Florida and never uses her cell phone. Then I tried to call my brother, but he didn't answer. I left another voicemail for Robin, and for my friend Lynne. Then I called Sandrine and finally got ahold of a live person.
At first I had no apprehension. Now I've started to wonder how to move forward. But I am feeling very close to God and I know He will show me the way.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Theophostic Prayer Ministry
Today I started practicum for Theophostic Prayer Ministry. The session was very successful and they said I did a great job. I felt I had done well too. But in the end, God is in control. I am just the facilitator. So I guess the point is that I was a good facilitator today. Can't wait to practice some more and get really good at it. I am very excited.
Thursday is my second Spanish class.
Bob and Dina announced that they will have their second baby in April. In December they will learn the sex of the baby.
Also I booked a flight to Costa Rica for a family wedding in January. Mom paid for it as a gift for me. Lots of great things to look forward to!
Thursday is my second Spanish class.
Bob and Dina announced that they will have their second baby in April. In December they will learn the sex of the baby.
Also I booked a flight to Costa Rica for a family wedding in January. Mom paid for it as a gift for me. Lots of great things to look forward to!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Spanish Lessons
I began taking Spanish lessons on October 28th. It's really fun! I do them by Skype with my Maestra Danitza, who lives in Peru. It went really smoothly so I've signed up for weekly lessons. Last night I got my first homework - conjugating irregular verbs.
I am also moving forward with the prayer ministry. Next week I will facilitate (lead) for the first time. I'm nervous because I don't feel ready, but everyone is telling me that I am. Guess it's like the first time I ever broke boards in karate - the teacher knows when it's time for me to do it, even if I'm not so sure.
I talked with Jairo on October 25th. He has been very busy and has not talked to the elders again about me. He told me to send my letter to K2. I sent it on October 26th. When K2 sends the letter to him saying they support my mission, he will then address the elders. We talked about some other things too. It was cool because I had a lot of questions and he answered them before I even asked. He also suggested that I take Spanish lessons and I agree, it will be very helpful.
For now I will enjoy my Spanish lessons, get some skiing in this winter, and probably be here to see my neice or nephew born in April. Waiting patiently...
I am also moving forward with the prayer ministry. Next week I will facilitate (lead) for the first time. I'm nervous because I don't feel ready, but everyone is telling me that I am. Guess it's like the first time I ever broke boards in karate - the teacher knows when it's time for me to do it, even if I'm not so sure.
I talked with Jairo on October 25th. He has been very busy and has not talked to the elders again about me. He told me to send my letter to K2. I sent it on October 26th. When K2 sends the letter to him saying they support my mission, he will then address the elders. We talked about some other things too. It was cool because I had a lot of questions and he answered them before I even asked. He also suggested that I take Spanish lessons and I agree, it will be very helpful.
For now I will enjoy my Spanish lessons, get some skiing in this winter, and probably be here to see my neice or nephew born in April. Waiting patiently...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Out Of My Hands
Today was a long time coming. Even though I still really don't know if/when I will leave, I have now done all I can do (besides pester people) to make it happen.
I talked to Jairo today after spending more than two weeks trying to catch up with him. He said that I can send the letter to K2, so I sent it a few minutes ago. The next step is in the leadership's hands at K2. I asked them to send a letter to La Iglesia En Transformacion stating that they are in support of me going to Honduras.
I feel more comfortable about this after talking to Eric Winter two weeks ago. I told him that I had written the letter, but was waiting to talk to Jairo about it. Eric's response was, "I can't wait to read your letter!" which was exactly what I needed to hear. I have been imagining that Eric is so busy that he would feel burdened by an extra task.
Jairo also talked to me about some other things that were on my mind so I am relieved because I wasn't sure how to bring them up. When will I learn to be direct with Jairo and not afraid to face things head on with him? I need to get over this if I expect to work closely with him and his church.
As the hours passed today I have gotten more and more excited. I feel the end of my time in the United States drawing near. Leaving in May sounds good to me! But it's out of my hands now...
I talked to Jairo today after spending more than two weeks trying to catch up with him. He said that I can send the letter to K2, so I sent it a few minutes ago. The next step is in the leadership's hands at K2. I asked them to send a letter to La Iglesia En Transformacion stating that they are in support of me going to Honduras.
I feel more comfortable about this after talking to Eric Winter two weeks ago. I told him that I had written the letter, but was waiting to talk to Jairo about it. Eric's response was, "I can't wait to read your letter!" which was exactly what I needed to hear. I have been imagining that Eric is so busy that he would feel burdened by an extra task.
Jairo also talked to me about some other things that were on my mind so I am relieved because I wasn't sure how to bring them up. When will I learn to be direct with Jairo and not afraid to face things head on with him? I need to get over this if I expect to work closely with him and his church.
As the hours passed today I have gotten more and more excited. I feel the end of my time in the United States drawing near. Leaving in May sounds good to me! But it's out of my hands now...
Monday, September 20, 2010
I am Strong and Powerful
This morning I received Theophostic Prayer. It was my second session and I went in feeling intimidated because I wasn't sure what to focus on. But of course, the Holy Spirit showed me the way. In the end God spoke to me saying that I am STRONG and POWERFUL. When He said that I felt myself in Honduras and He said, "Don't be scared."
I left the ministry session knowing that God wants me to know the strength I have inside. He wants me to know that I am fully capable of conquering challenges. He also wants me to know that I am powerful to do big things in this world.
I left the ministry session knowing that God wants me to know the strength I have inside. He wants me to know that I am fully capable of conquering challenges. He also wants me to know that I am powerful to do big things in this world.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
A Year Later
The foot work has begun. I sent a letter to Jairo today. It feels great to have the letter written - it's been a year long process.
About a month ago I called Jairo and told him that I think I am ready to come back. He seemed happy to hear from me, but explained that there are some special circumstances that need to be worked out in order for me to return to Honduras and work with La Iglesia En Transformacion. He said he would like for me to come and work on the breakfast program, start a music program for the kids, and work with the English speaking missions teams. It all sounded exciting to me!
After Jairo has time to read my letter, I will call him to make sure that we are on the same page, then I will forward it on to K2. The letter is asking K2 to put into writing that they are in support of me returning to Honduras. Then I will wait for permission from the church in Honduras. It is possible that they may say no. But I am praying and I feel at peace. It is in God's hands.
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but last week at church they showed pictures of the kids in La Iglesia and I could feel myself there - it wasn't like I was looking at the pictures wishing I could be there, it was like I was already there. I am very hopeful that in a year from now I will be settled in Honduras.
About a month ago I called Jairo and told him that I think I am ready to come back. He seemed happy to hear from me, but explained that there are some special circumstances that need to be worked out in order for me to return to Honduras and work with La Iglesia En Transformacion. He said he would like for me to come and work on the breakfast program, start a music program for the kids, and work with the English speaking missions teams. It all sounded exciting to me!
After Jairo has time to read my letter, I will call him to make sure that we are on the same page, then I will forward it on to K2. The letter is asking K2 to put into writing that they are in support of me returning to Honduras. Then I will wait for permission from the church in Honduras. It is possible that they may say no. But I am praying and I feel at peace. It is in God's hands.
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but last week at church they showed pictures of the kids in La Iglesia and I could feel myself there - it wasn't like I was looking at the pictures wishing I could be there, it was like I was already there. I am very hopeful that in a year from now I will be settled in Honduras.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Things are continuing to escalate...
Today when Karla and Jose got home they asked why I wasn´t watching the news. I had watched the news at noon and saw the all of Al Centro (downtown) is closed because they were expecting lots of protests, but at the time nothing had happened yet.
Karla sat down in my bedroom with a piece of paper and recounted how she had spent the last hours. People at work told her she wouldn´t be able to get home because the buses weren´t running, but she always takes taxis. She said people had been protesting outside of the bank all day, but she believes the bank is the safest building in the city. The windows are bullet proof and the bank was surrounded by the military (it´s an international bank), the police, and the bank´s own security. She left her work he in a cab to meet Jose at the babysitters. However, as she entered Plaza Miraflores, where Karina and I took the bus on Saturday, they saw a mass of protesters in the streets. Traffic was stopped. Then the protesters set fire to a bus in front of her. The cab managed to get away from the bus, but told her she must get out because he would not drive her any further. Before she had time to exit the cab, he drove away while she still had one leg in the car, knocking her over.
She started to run toward the babysitter´s house, but a mass of people were running against her, leaving the businesses in Plaza Miraflores. Behind her she heard explosions the air turned black. The protestors had set fire to a Popeye´s right where the cab had let her out. She couldn´t see through the black smoke, but she continued to run. Finally she decided that running against the herds of people was too hard, so she turned toward the main street, which was eerily vacant, except for police up on a bridge. She thought the police would shoot her. She started crying and wrapped her head in her hands to try to escape the smoke. Then she counted to 3 and darted across the street and up a hill. When she looked back all she could see was black smoke. She ran on that side street and saw a few blocks later that police had barracaded the main st, but by taking the side street she was able to pass. Then she had to cut back into the crowd to get to the babysitters. She called Jose. He said he was running in the streets too, and was close by. When she turned her head he was behind her. They got to the babysitters. The house was all closed up and the kids were all gathered in one room. The baby sitter, who is also a good friend, begged them not to leave, but they managed to get a cab and came home.
When I saw everything on the news tonight I couldn´t believe it. They showed the bus catching fire and burning to a shell. They showed the Popeye´s, first there and fine, then a cloud of black smoke. It all seemed to happen so fast.
After my experience yesterday, I was so glad I was not in Karla´s shoes today. She is so strong and brave, she was hardly upset by the time she got home. I am so grateful that she is safe.
There are rumors of worse things to come. The country is supposed to shut down completely on Thursday according to the neighbor (who has a daughter was fathered by Roberto Micheletti).
I will post about yesterday´s adventures later. We are going to watch a movie and it will be my last chance to watch a movie with my Honduran family. Tomorrow we are having a going away party. Then I leave Thursday if the airport is open.
Karla sat down in my bedroom with a piece of paper and recounted how she had spent the last hours. People at work told her she wouldn´t be able to get home because the buses weren´t running, but she always takes taxis. She said people had been protesting outside of the bank all day, but she believes the bank is the safest building in the city. The windows are bullet proof and the bank was surrounded by the military (it´s an international bank), the police, and the bank´s own security. She left her work he in a cab to meet Jose at the babysitters. However, as she entered Plaza Miraflores, where Karina and I took the bus on Saturday, they saw a mass of protesters in the streets. Traffic was stopped. Then the protesters set fire to a bus in front of her. The cab managed to get away from the bus, but told her she must get out because he would not drive her any further. Before she had time to exit the cab, he drove away while she still had one leg in the car, knocking her over.
She started to run toward the babysitter´s house, but a mass of people were running against her, leaving the businesses in Plaza Miraflores. Behind her she heard explosions the air turned black. The protestors had set fire to a Popeye´s right where the cab had let her out. She couldn´t see through the black smoke, but she continued to run. Finally she decided that running against the herds of people was too hard, so she turned toward the main street, which was eerily vacant, except for police up on a bridge. She thought the police would shoot her. She started crying and wrapped her head in her hands to try to escape the smoke. Then she counted to 3 and darted across the street and up a hill. When she looked back all she could see was black smoke. She ran on that side street and saw a few blocks later that police had barracaded the main st, but by taking the side street she was able to pass. Then she had to cut back into the crowd to get to the babysitters. She called Jose. He said he was running in the streets too, and was close by. When she turned her head he was behind her. They got to the babysitters. The house was all closed up and the kids were all gathered in one room. The baby sitter, who is also a good friend, begged them not to leave, but they managed to get a cab and came home.
When I saw everything on the news tonight I couldn´t believe it. They showed the bus catching fire and burning to a shell. They showed the Popeye´s, first there and fine, then a cloud of black smoke. It all seemed to happen so fast.
After my experience yesterday, I was so glad I was not in Karla´s shoes today. She is so strong and brave, she was hardly upset by the time she got home. I am so grateful that she is safe.
There are rumors of worse things to come. The country is supposed to shut down completely on Thursday according to the neighbor (who has a daughter was fathered by Roberto Micheletti).
I will post about yesterday´s adventures later. We are going to watch a movie and it will be my last chance to watch a movie with my Honduran family. Tomorrow we are having a going away party. Then I leave Thursday if the airport is open.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Looking into the Future
On Saturday we went to Lourdes and Jairo's house for dinner. On the way there we stopped to see Karla's father's house, which is currently sitting empty. For a while Karina lived there, but she prefers to live with Jose and Karla because it is closer to the university. And their brother lived there too, but he's in the states now. Karla thinks her Dad should sell the house but he refuses. From what I understand he bought the land a long time ago and built the house a room at a time. Other family members built houses on the property as well, so one Aunt lives below the house, one to the side, and someone else above. I think Karla's Grandmother lived farther above before she passed away. Anyway now the house stands empty but her father doesn't want to sell it for sentimental reasons, and because he keeps hoping one of his kids will live there. He would prefer that it not stand empty, so Karla says I could live there rent free if I took good care of the house. I keep asking her if we can talk to her Dad about this, but so far she just tells me it will be fine.
To see the house we took a cab to a main intersection, where Karina said I would be able to get buses and cabs easily if I chose to live there. I'm thinking I would have my own vehicle, but it's good to know. Then we walked along the side of the mountain on mostly dirt roads which were really kind of just access roads, like alleys, for the houses along the way. There were some pulperias and Karina pointed out the local tortilla lady on the corner, saying that I would love her fresh tortillas.
There are two doors into the house. We only had the key for the upper door so we walked up narrow, uneven steps between the houses to get up to the door on the second floor. I was thinking "I hope we can get a key for the lower door because I don't want to climb those stairs in the dark, or with bags of groceries."
Upstairs has 3 bedrooms and the bathroom, which has a working shower with an electric attachment for hot water. Karina said that this house always has water - at all hours every day. What a treat! There is also a spot in the front that is like a small balcony where I could put a washing machine next to the piel. (The cement water storage thing that contains back up water.) There is also another water tank on the roof for the shower.
Downstairs is a living area and kitchen with another space outdoors where I could grow plants. The bedroom I would use overlooks the adjacent mountain. I will attach photos when my computer is fixed. But basically from my bedroom window I am standing on the side of one mountain, overlooking another. Both sides are packed full of houses stacked on top of each other up and down the mountains. I have a great view of the city as well. The view from the window was amazing. I stood there for a long time, imagining what my life would be like if this were really my home, and this window was really my bedroom window. Would I be happy? I think so.
Then Jairo and Jose came in Jairo's van and met us at the corner to take us up to dinner. We had a nice time together. Lourdes has a beautiful area of flowers that she is growing. Aaron was not home - he was at the youth camp. Josselyn was there, but engrossed in a cartoon movie. Dinner was yummy and my eclairs went over well, although they really didn't rise as much as they were supposed to and we couldn't find any frosting at the grocery store, so I grabbed Hershey's syrup instead. Seems like people here don't bake desserts much. I think that's why ingredients like cocoa powder, unsweetened baking chocolate, powdered sugar, etc., are hard to find in grocery stores.
After dinner we all gathered to pray for me as I was leaving in a few days. Lourdes said the prayer. As she prayed for me and my future I had the strangest experience. I could physically feel my body in the bedroom of Karla's father's house. I felt the white walls of the bedroom around me. I felt like I left Lourdes and Jairo's living room and was standing, looking out the window again - the window that would be my bedroom window if I moved to Honduras. It was a very peaceful, happy feeling. When Lourdes was done praying I cried and told them about the experience. It was so strange and hard to describe. Like God had put me there for a taste of what my life would be like. Nobody said much about it. They just told me that God has plans for me and I need to listen to Him.
The next day was Sunday. Jose and Karla really wanted me to visit Jairo's sister, Ruth's church. We actually got there early! I met Jairo's mother. It was her birthday. Jose explained to Ruth that I was leaving on Thursday to go back to the states. She asked if she could pray for me and I said of course, I would really appreciate that. She asked if she should pray in Spanish or English. I thought Spanish would be best. Jose agreed, saying that if she speaks slowly I have good comprehension of Spanish.
We started by singing and dancing. The church has quite a band with a clarinet, a saxophone, keyboard, and guitar. Tambourines were placed on seats throughout the church for the congregation to use, and they did. Then Ruth started to speak. She came down into my row, put her left hand over my heart and her right hand on my back and she began to pray for me. She said that God was telling her that I have a lot of pain and sadness in my heart, but He will give me peace if I allow him. She said God wants me to put my focus on him, not on humans and specifically not in men. She said that there are "pueblos" (villages) with people who I will help, and God will open the "calles" (streets). He will provide for me and I should not be worried about materialistic things or having my own needs met, because He will always provide. I will help many people not in a material way, but using my heart and my words She said many things that were very powerful, and right on target as if she knew me well. In the end she emphasized that I need to let go of the pain in my heart and give it to God. She tried to help me to do that right there, but I guess I am not ready to let go of it yet. So that is something I will pray for - peace in my heart.
Later I was talking to Jairo and he told me too that he sees me with so much hurt inside. I told him that I think I have carried that pain since I was a child. I have no idea why or where it came from and I never considered the possibility of getting rid of it because it's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. It was awesome having some long overdue personal time with him. He gave me lots of good ideas about things that I can work on within myself for self growth and happiness.
But back to Ruth's church. At times I didn't understand Ruth's words - they had lots of "sh" sounds in them that didn't sound like Spanish and she would say, "God is telling me..." Later I clarified with Karla that Ruth has the gift of speaking in tongue. Karla said asked if Ruth had spoken in tongue as she prayed for me. I said yes. Karla said that when someone speaks in tongue what they say will be true. I've never experienced that before, but it was not as strange as I would have imagined. Ruth is a really powerful lady. Later she called for people who needed prayer to stand before her. Then she specifically called Jose to come up. She prayed quietly with him first. He said he was scared when she called on him specifically, but she prayed for things that had been troubling him. Later Karla went and stood before Ruth. Karla said that Ruth also was able to see what troubles were on Karla's heart in her prayer for Karla.
8/28/09 - Looking back I wish I had more time to spend with Ruth. I have been praying and praying. Many others are praying as well, but I think now that I am consciously aware of how much I am hurting inside it's harder to live with. It was a little easier when it was just a subconscious, constant part of me. Now that I have the understanding that God wants me to have peace in my heart I am waiting every day, wondering if this will be the day that He will choose to take away my pain.
That night I went to the English service at another church. I like to go there and sing the songs in English. I went with Tony's friend, Carol. Afterward she introduced me to another gringo couple and we all went to dinner at a local fast food place. It was interesting to hear their story. They are doing lots of cool things, including farming the land and teaching art at some private schools.
Everyone keeps telling me over and over that the way to return to Honduras is as a sponsored missionary. I am not very open to that idea, although I am told it by many, many people. I guess for one - I never saw myself as a "missionary". I think I have a problem seeing myself fit into that name. Secondly, while I respect that others do it, I can not see myself asking others for money to live my life. I am more comfortable with the idea of getting a job from an employer. But I am told that most places do not pay North Americans, they only accept them as volunteers. I feel like I am being a little dense in this area, not accepting what I am being told repeatedly by people who know what they are talking about. I don't know why it is so hard for me to accept. The people also say that if God truly wants me to return to Honduras it will happen, so that is what I am counting on - that I will not let my own preconceived notions stand in the way.
My Sunday ended with another long heart to heart with Karla. We talked about a lot of things. I am constantly amazed by her strength and her wisdom. She has been through some horrific struggles and God has shaped her into such an incredible woman, wise beyond her years. I respect her so much and wish I had her strength. It is something to aspire to. I am so blessed that God put her in my life.
Today Karina and I figured we would go shopping for my wedding present to Kate and Jason, as well as for some souvenirs, and a gift for my college roommate who is getting married in September. I haven't been to "Al Centro" since I first came and had the girls' day out with Karla. After that all of the political problems began and it hasn't been safe to go downtown. We thought that since it was Monday, if we had any problems we could always leave and have two more shopping days before I leave on Thursday.
Well, I got to experience first hand a manifestacion. I felt like such an ignorant North American. Keep in mind that Karina has been through this several times now. So we were walking down a street of stores when she said, "There is going to be a manifestacion." (Only she said the whole thing in Spanish.) I said no, the streets are quiet. DUH!!!! The streets were silent and empty. That was when I realized she was right.
First we heard motorcycles approaching. They came up and blocked off all of the side streets - big loud Harleys. Then we heard all of the slamming as one store after another pulled closed its metal gates down to protect themselves from looting. And up ahead I finally spotted the march. I thought we might duck down a side street but I didn't want to. I felt excited. It was supporters of Mel, the ex-president, so there were a lot of poorer people from the country. But there were also guys with bandannas covering their faces. Some of them were painting graffiti. Two guys who had already marched past us ran back and pulled a security camera off a wall. One guy wrote "If you cover this today, I will come back and paint it again tomorrow." One person yelled something at me. Karina wouldn't tell me what he said, but at that point she started walking ahead of me and told me not to speak, just keep walking faster. I had been wanting to stop and watch what the people were writing. I had said that I wished I had my camera to catch all of this excitement. She said, "They will rob your camera. This is not exciting, this is serious to them."
Finally as we kept walking against the protesters the march ended. But all of the stores were still closed. We came up to one that didn't have it's gate down and knocked politely on the door so they would know we weren't looters. A kid answered eventually. I got some stuff there, but couldn't find exactly the right thing for Kate and Jason. We agreed we would return tomorrow when more stores would be open. But then as we were walking back to get a taxi there was one more store open where I found the perfect wedding present for Kate and Jason. They were beautiful hand made wooden tea/coffee cups. The cups were made of all different shapes and colors of wood, with a stand to hold them. I loved them. I tried to find something for Karina, but ended up getting her a card which I will leave behind with some kind words.
8-28-09 - I didn't know this at the time, but that was the last day that any of the stores in Al Centro opened at all for the remainder of my time there. The next morning I watched the news and they said the stores were all closed in anticipation of more manifestaciones. The man who painted the graffiti about returning the next day was speaking the truth. They had bigger protests each day until I left. I don't know how things have been since I left. I talk to Karla often, but we haven't spoken of politics. Good thing we got down there on Monday and had God looking over us that day!
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