I feel a little bit, okay more than a little bit nervous to share this with you. But I believe it is a big step in my spiritual growth. So, some of you will appreciate it, and some of you will think I am crazy.
Two Saturdays ago I was driving Erika and Ana and her family home after Isabela's birthday party at my house. My car made a strange noise. It sounded like it was coming from the passenger's side glove box, or something right behind it. It was annoying, but I figured anything up that high couldn't cost much to fix and couldn't make driving too dangerous.
However, I had plans with my friend Oneida and her family. Her kids have been DYING to come to my house. Sunday was the big day. I talked it over with Fany and I told her that I knew the car was probably fine, but Oneida lives on a long, bumpy dirt road and and I didn't want to get stuck out there when I drove them home. She said she would go with me if I decided to go. But in the end I cancelled.
I felt horrible because I knew the kids had been looking forward to it all week. I had been looking forward to it all week. But it wasn't worth the risk of driving a car with some strange noise.
I had already called the mechanic on Friday and asked if I could drop off the car for an oil change Monday morning, When I dropped off the car he drove me to work. He heard the noise and said he would have to take things apart to figure it out.
After the oil change, he was balancing the tires when he noticed that the back suspension was messed up. He said I could go a few more miles like that. But I shouldn't have any people in my car (for the added weight) and I should get it fixed as soon as possible. If he hadn't balanced t-he tires after the oil change, I would have been driving around with cars FULL (Honduras style full = 8-14 people) on horrible, rutted, dirt roads.
I told him that even though it could go a few more miles, I would like to go ahead and fix it because my schedule is only going to get more and more busy in the weeks to come. I just got the car back this week on Tuesday.
Here's the weird part. This morning I woke up with a strange feeling. First I didn't want to get out of bed, so I told myself that I was being lazy after feeling so stressed about the class yesterday. But Fany came and asked if I'd like a ride to the bank and I said sure.
In reality, I wasn't feeling lazy. Yet for some reason I couldn't pack my suitcases for the retreat today.
I drove Fany to the bank. Right before we got home we went over a speed bump and my car made a horrible sound. It was then I decided I was not going to drive to the retreat.
I found a ride, but I still didn't feel right.
I've been looking forward to this retreat for months. But for some reason I didn't have peace about going today.
I am realizing that this feeling of anxiety is how the Holy Spirit guides me. There is a Spanish word that best describes how I feel in these moments. It is "inquieta" (restless, troubled, worried, concerned). I used to call it laziness because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do. But I know that I sincerely wanted to go to the retreat today and I know that really wanted to spend Sunday with my friend and her family, The term "lazy" does not explain why I felt uncomfortable with those plans.
I called and cancelled my ride. Suddenly I felt better. Then I found a ride that is leaving at 5:40 a.m. tomorrow. Normally waking up at 5 a.m. is my idea of torture, but in this case that is the resolution that gave me the most peace.
So, I am going to arrive at the retreat 12 hours late. I'm still not sure why. But now I have peace.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
First day of Dreaming Out Loud!
I'm home on a quick lunch break and then headed into the office, but I'll write quickly while my lunch cooks because I am excited about what happened this morning.
First let me say that Erika's boyfriend called and although they both got inside the fence, neither of them were allowed into the hospital, so poor Erika got no visitors yesterday. I hope she is well! (I have every reason to believe she is, but I bet she is dying to tell everyone that her baby boy turned out to be a girl.) She should be released today, but I can't pick her up since I have to go to work.
The class this morning was a huge blessing from God! I worked hard last night, until all of my brain cells were exhausted, preparing for the additional kids and studying more about impulse control. At 9:58 p.m. I felt like I had prepared as much as I could without making myself more stressed or tired, so I went to sleep.
I woke up at 5:59 this morning. One minute before my alarm. It's so nice not to hear that sound. Then I took some time to pray, but I was feeling really confident and had that sort of peace that only God can give.
Traffic was horrible and people were driving like maniacs. Luckily Fany reminded me that the drive would be an hour instead of 15 minutes, so I arrived with plenty of time to settle in. I even stopped to get coffee, but in the country where people start making phone calls at 5:30 a.m., the coffee shops don't open until 8. Kind of silly.
The director was really helpful and kind. She asked how I wanted the classroom. I said I'd like to put two tables together so she started moving chairs and helped me. Then a bell rang and she went to collect the kids.
To make a long story short, they were all awesome. One has really severe Aspergers. He was unwilling to participate in any manner and said he was really angry about having to be there. But the rest of the kids had fun, participated, and were very well behaved.
We spoke in English the whole time, which was fun for me. They speak pretty good English. I was able to help them out with a couple of common mistakes, which is another way I can serve them.
The director stayed for the first half of the class, but slipped out after she saw how well they were doing. After the class was over, she came back and asked how it went. I told her I thought it was GREAT! She said she had passed several of the kids coming down the stairs and their smile told her it was a success. She also asked them how the class was and they told her it was very good.
We came up with a name for our club. (I told them I would rather have it be a club than a class. "Clubs" appeal to kids with conduct disorder way more than a "class" does.) Our club name is "Dreaming Out Loud". We decided that encompasses the fact that we are learning communication skills as well as preparing for our dreams of the future.
It was so awesome to be me today! I felt really at home in my skin, even though I was stepping out and doing something new. I felt God giving me peace to step out into the unknown with joy and love for the kids. I honestly felt a love for them! I don't know half of their names, but I really love them. And I know that love will grow as I get to know them more.
The teacher asked cautiously if I will be coming back next week. I assured her I will.
She told me she appreciated the way I handled the boy who didn't want to participate - with kindness, but also making the expectations clear. Together, we came with some ideas for how to handle him next week. Unfortunately, it means cutting the other kids' time short, and giving him a private class with two kids he likes and feels comfortable with. My hope is to integrate him back into the classroom with the others eventually, so all of the kids can enjoy one long class and he can broaden his social skills.
This school is right across the street from a ministry where I wanted to serve a year ago, but it didn't work out. I think this is God's way of saying to me, "You were close, but my plans were just a little different."
In any case, I feel that New Generation School is definitely where I am supposed to be right now. The way God showed me His love for the kids made that very clear. Normally I hate waking up before 7 a.m., but I am already looking forward to next week! And the best part is, I believe the kids are too.
The director gave me permission to take photos, so I will do that next week!
First let me say that Erika's boyfriend called and although they both got inside the fence, neither of them were allowed into the hospital, so poor Erika got no visitors yesterday. I hope she is well! (I have every reason to believe she is, but I bet she is dying to tell everyone that her baby boy turned out to be a girl.) She should be released today, but I can't pick her up since I have to go to work.
The class this morning was a huge blessing from God! I worked hard last night, until all of my brain cells were exhausted, preparing for the additional kids and studying more about impulse control. At 9:58 p.m. I felt like I had prepared as much as I could without making myself more stressed or tired, so I went to sleep.
I woke up at 5:59 this morning. One minute before my alarm. It's so nice not to hear that sound. Then I took some time to pray, but I was feeling really confident and had that sort of peace that only God can give.
Traffic was horrible and people were driving like maniacs. Luckily Fany reminded me that the drive would be an hour instead of 15 minutes, so I arrived with plenty of time to settle in. I even stopped to get coffee, but in the country where people start making phone calls at 5:30 a.m., the coffee shops don't open until 8. Kind of silly.
The director was really helpful and kind. She asked how I wanted the classroom. I said I'd like to put two tables together so she started moving chairs and helped me. Then a bell rang and she went to collect the kids.
To make a long story short, they were all awesome. One has really severe Aspergers. He was unwilling to participate in any manner and said he was really angry about having to be there. But the rest of the kids had fun, participated, and were very well behaved.
We spoke in English the whole time, which was fun for me. They speak pretty good English. I was able to help them out with a couple of common mistakes, which is another way I can serve them.
The director stayed for the first half of the class, but slipped out after she saw how well they were doing. After the class was over, she came back and asked how it went. I told her I thought it was GREAT! She said she had passed several of the kids coming down the stairs and their smile told her it was a success. She also asked them how the class was and they told her it was very good.
We came up with a name for our club. (I told them I would rather have it be a club than a class. "Clubs" appeal to kids with conduct disorder way more than a "class" does.) Our club name is "Dreaming Out Loud". We decided that encompasses the fact that we are learning communication skills as well as preparing for our dreams of the future.
It was so awesome to be me today! I felt really at home in my skin, even though I was stepping out and doing something new. I felt God giving me peace to step out into the unknown with joy and love for the kids. I honestly felt a love for them! I don't know half of their names, but I really love them. And I know that love will grow as I get to know them more.
The teacher asked cautiously if I will be coming back next week. I assured her I will.
She told me she appreciated the way I handled the boy who didn't want to participate - with kindness, but also making the expectations clear. Together, we came with some ideas for how to handle him next week. Unfortunately, it means cutting the other kids' time short, and giving him a private class with two kids he likes and feels comfortable with. My hope is to integrate him back into the classroom with the others eventually, so all of the kids can enjoy one long class and he can broaden his social skills.
This school is right across the street from a ministry where I wanted to serve a year ago, but it didn't work out. I think this is God's way of saying to me, "You were close, but my plans were just a little different."
In any case, I feel that New Generation School is definitely where I am supposed to be right now. The way God showed me His love for the kids made that very clear. Normally I hate waking up before 7 a.m., but I am already looking forward to next week! And the best part is, I believe the kids are too.
The director gave me permission to take photos, so I will do that next week!
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
New Job, New Baby
This afternoon was the meeting at the school so I could meet with the director and talk about the class for the kids with special needs. My boss initially said she wanted it to be just her son. But I thought it would be even better if I could see the way her son interacts with his peers and she was talking about one specific peer that she really likes. So we decided that I would start out with those two kids.
Today the school director informed us that she sent a letter home to the parents and so far 22 kids have signed up for my class. I've spent time preparing for a group of two, doing more intimate activities, which are not even possible with a group of 22. (And there are more who haven't brought in their permission slip yet.
I am a little upset because they are missing gym class. The director of the school said that almost all of them have conduct disorder. Although she doesn't seem to have a clue about conduct disorder because she went on to say that they all act like their parents and that's why they are disrespectful and poorly behaved.
She basically told me I will have a class full of all of the kids who hate school, hate their teachers, think they know more than anyone else and are physically aggressive for no reason.
I just got home because I stopped at the hospital after the school. Erika's dad and boyfriend were waiting in a huge line to get a piece of paper. They said they had been there an hour and a half when I arrived at 3 p.m. Finally Erika's Dad got the paper.
I mentioned that I wished I had gotten water and Panadol for Erika. Immediately her boyfriend disappeared and came back with a bag of juices, ginger ale, and waters. He was physically exhausted after being up all night the night before and working all day. Erika's Dad, on the other hand, was excited and smiling. When he got the paper which would allow us to enter, they told him that Erika had a girl! That was a big surprised!! She had chosen Alex Isaias as his name and I got blue clothes and a blue baby blanket when I was in the US because the doctors said it was a boy.
Fany said this is a common mistake in Honduras because doctors mistake the male and female genitals at early stages of development. It definitely happens more here than in the US.
We waited in the second line for over an hour. People were screaming at the guard because he stopped letting people in unless they paid him. The whole front of the line got mad and left, which I thought was impressive. Usually I see people go along with corruption, not walk away from it. A few people even left the line, but stood and yelled, "We have sick family in there and you are doing something illegal. We have a right to see our family without paying your bribe."
Then the guard got really mad shut the gate completely. When he opened it he started only letting in the person holding the permission slip. Normally it could have been that person plus two. But after people yelled for justice that man wouldn't budge.
I tried to pretend I was an ignorant gringa, but he didn't let me get away with that. That's worked for me a few times at that hospital. Fany says my accent has gotten too good.
In the end, Erika's Dad got inside. People in the line were getting really mad because visiting hours were drawing to an end and they weren't able to see their loved ones. They were screaming at each other and pushing. I took that as my cue to leave.
I started walking to my car and came across her Dad standing by the fence. He passed me the note to get inside. I handed it off to Alex (Erika's boyfriend). He offered to let me go, but it's only fair that the father of the baby should go in before I do.
Tomorrow we expect Erika will get sent home. Her Dad said that he is the one who named Marjory. He was really proud and said a lot of people like Marjory's name, which is true. I asked him what ideas he has for this baby, now that we know it's not a boy. He said he will work on it when he gets home tonight. He was so excited it was super cute.
On the way home I stopped and bought $50 worth of supplies for the class. With 22 kids, we need to have a written list of rules and more things than I have lying around the house. I am feeling super broke after having to spent an unexpected $575 into car repairs. Hopefully both the school supplies and the car repairs will last a while.
Got to get to work figuring out how to entertain these kids tomorrow. Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers!
I'll let you know when I know more about Erika and her baby. I assume they are both well, since nobody called me after the visits.
1:53 a.m. Phone Call
Why am I awake at this hour? (It's 2 a.m. in Honduras.)
Initially I thought it was because the cat came and laid on my head, purring like crazy, which woke me up.
Then I got to thinking that my boss is picking me up in Villa Nueva tomorrow, but I am actually working in Flor de Campo, which is nowhere near Villa Nueva. So I need to get that straightened out. But there is nothing I can do about that at 2 a.m.
At that point my brain was wide awake and I felt sweaty so I considered a shower, but knew I will never really get out of bed. Yet I was wide awake so I started to pray.
That was when I got a message from Erika's phone, calling me collect. Erika's boyfriend called to say that he just dropped her off at the hospital! Her contractions started getting stronger at 11 p.m. so he took her in a taxi to Hospital Escuela.
He said he and Erika are both calm because they are putting God first.
I am going to stop writing and pray for her, for every doctor and nurse that comes near her, and for her baby boy, who is about to breathe his first breaths in this world.
Good night. Heavenly Father, watch over Erika and her baby...
Initially I thought it was because the cat came and laid on my head, purring like crazy, which woke me up.
Then I got to thinking that my boss is picking me up in Villa Nueva tomorrow, but I am actually working in Flor de Campo, which is nowhere near Villa Nueva. So I need to get that straightened out. But there is nothing I can do about that at 2 a.m.
At that point my brain was wide awake and I felt sweaty so I considered a shower, but knew I will never really get out of bed. Yet I was wide awake so I started to pray.
That was when I got a message from Erika's phone, calling me collect. Erika's boyfriend called to say that he just dropped her off at the hospital! Her contractions started getting stronger at 11 p.m. so he took her in a taxi to Hospital Escuela.
He said he and Erika are both calm because they are putting God first.
I am going to stop writing and pray for her, for every doctor and nurse that comes near her, and for her baby boy, who is about to breathe his first breaths in this world.
Good night. Heavenly Father, watch over Erika and her baby...
Monday, February 15, 2016
Ticks and Contractions
This morning while I was in the shower I noticed something on my belly right at my waistband. Although it looked like a scab, I immediately realized it was a tick. YUCK!
Of course it wouldn't come out. I am guessing it's been there since yesterday afternoon when I was rolling around on the grass at Pastora Ruth's house.
I covered it with liquid soap, which has worked before, and let it suffocate for a while. Finally it started to come loose. I didn't wait for it to come all of the way out, I just pulled. Not sure if the head is still in there.
It's six hours later and the spot is still red and swollen. I didn't see a head on the body, so it might be in my belly. The good news is that ticks here don't carry disease.
Today at work my boss told me I will start teaching social skills to the kids in her son's class on Wednesday. I have a lot to do in order to prepare, and feel like I can't do any of it because my car is in the shop getting the suspension re-done.
In our weekly meeting one of the people who I always think of as bravest and safest, muttered under his breath that his area is really "hot" (dangerous) right now. Ugh. I hated hearing that from him. Tomorrow I am going with another team to a place that is famously worse.
Everything feels dangerous right now. But I am not frozen with fear anymore. My biggest stress is feeling overwhelmed with work.
So far I've voiced my concern twice to my boss. The first time I felt like she heard me. But afterward she piled a whole new load of work on my plate. Friday I went to her with a written list of all of my responsibilities, including what she gave me as well what I have to do at church. I told my boss if I am going to do anything with excellence, I need to prioritize and cut some stuff out. I was surprised, she really wasn't helpful.
My biggest prayer is a selfish one. It would be best for my organization if one of my co-workers takes over for another co-worker who is going back to college. But if that happens, I have to take over the club and home visits for the co-worker who is getting the promotion. My co-worker has not decided if she is going to accept the promotion. She said she needs some time of prayer. My selfish hope is that she doesn't accept the position and stays in her club so I don't have to take over. But that would not be the best for everyone else, because she would do a good job in the new position.
Yesterday Pastora Ruth and her family hosted a bunch of us for a gathering at her house. We barbequed, which was good because NOBODY had power yesterday. They were working on the electric lines all over the city.
Laura is missing school this week. She already caught a horrible cold. Welcome to the world of an only child being exposed to new germs.
Tonight I'll be working on preparation for the kids with autism. I can't wait until I settle into a regular schedule and know exactly what is on my plate. Yesterday Pastora Ruth told me I need to talk to my boss again. I told Pastora Ruth that I already did, twice. Pastora Ruth said, "Yes, and you need to talk to her again, a third time."
Today I got an email from a friend who always has good advice. She said I need to talk to my boss too. Maybe she'll have time to talk to me on Wednesday.
On top of it all my boss told me that I need to come up with some "dinamicas", which are songs and dances to do with 15 year old boys. Songs and dances are not really my thing. But they are really big in Honduras. I told Fany I think it's nuts to prepare songs and dances prepared for 15 year old boys. Fany raved about the dances she and her husband had to do in a parents' conference at the school. She and Santos apparently had a ball acting like different animals. I told her I don't imagine that going over well at parent conferences in the US.
It will be nice to go to the missionary retreat this weekend. They seem to come up right when the cultural differences are starting to grind on my nerves and I need to spend time with other North Americans.
I talked to Erika today. Finally she is starting to have contractions. Doctors gave her the 18th as her due date. She said the "cramps" are soft. I put Fany on the phone. Fany asked a bunch of questions and thinks that Erika will go into labor tonight. I bet on tomorrow during the day. Erika said that with Marjory there were three days of these cramps before she went into labor. But she doesn't seem to care when the baby comes. She said God's time is fine with her.
She said she still sleeps well at night. She is happy because today is payday, so they will have the $25 to get Erika and the baby out of the hospital after the birth.
Today I give thanks for Fany. I am grateful for a friend who listens to me when I am grumpy and frustrated and overwhelmed. As I was grumbling to her, I kept waiting for Fany to excuse herself, but she never did. She listened and listened until I was done. God really blessed me when He gave me Fany as my neighbor.
Of course it wouldn't come out. I am guessing it's been there since yesterday afternoon when I was rolling around on the grass at Pastora Ruth's house.
I covered it with liquid soap, which has worked before, and let it suffocate for a while. Finally it started to come loose. I didn't wait for it to come all of the way out, I just pulled. Not sure if the head is still in there.
It's six hours later and the spot is still red and swollen. I didn't see a head on the body, so it might be in my belly. The good news is that ticks here don't carry disease.
Today at work my boss told me I will start teaching social skills to the kids in her son's class on Wednesday. I have a lot to do in order to prepare, and feel like I can't do any of it because my car is in the shop getting the suspension re-done.
In our weekly meeting one of the people who I always think of as bravest and safest, muttered under his breath that his area is really "hot" (dangerous) right now. Ugh. I hated hearing that from him. Tomorrow I am going with another team to a place that is famously worse.
Everything feels dangerous right now. But I am not frozen with fear anymore. My biggest stress is feeling overwhelmed with work.
So far I've voiced my concern twice to my boss. The first time I felt like she heard me. But afterward she piled a whole new load of work on my plate. Friday I went to her with a written list of all of my responsibilities, including what she gave me as well what I have to do at church. I told my boss if I am going to do anything with excellence, I need to prioritize and cut some stuff out. I was surprised, she really wasn't helpful.
My biggest prayer is a selfish one. It would be best for my organization if one of my co-workers takes over for another co-worker who is going back to college. But if that happens, I have to take over the club and home visits for the co-worker who is getting the promotion. My co-worker has not decided if she is going to accept the promotion. She said she needs some time of prayer. My selfish hope is that she doesn't accept the position and stays in her club so I don't have to take over. But that would not be the best for everyone else, because she would do a good job in the new position.
Yesterday Pastora Ruth and her family hosted a bunch of us for a gathering at her house. We barbequed, which was good because NOBODY had power yesterday. They were working on the electric lines all over the city.
Laura is missing school this week. She already caught a horrible cold. Welcome to the world of an only child being exposed to new germs.
Tonight I'll be working on preparation for the kids with autism. I can't wait until I settle into a regular schedule and know exactly what is on my plate. Yesterday Pastora Ruth told me I need to talk to my boss again. I told Pastora Ruth that I already did, twice. Pastora Ruth said, "Yes, and you need to talk to her again, a third time."
Today I got an email from a friend who always has good advice. She said I need to talk to my boss too. Maybe she'll have time to talk to me on Wednesday.
On top of it all my boss told me that I need to come up with some "dinamicas", which are songs and dances to do with 15 year old boys. Songs and dances are not really my thing. But they are really big in Honduras. I told Fany I think it's nuts to prepare songs and dances prepared for 15 year old boys. Fany raved about the dances she and her husband had to do in a parents' conference at the school. She and Santos apparently had a ball acting like different animals. I told her I don't imagine that going over well at parent conferences in the US.
It will be nice to go to the missionary retreat this weekend. They seem to come up right when the cultural differences are starting to grind on my nerves and I need to spend time with other North Americans.
I talked to Erika today. Finally she is starting to have contractions. Doctors gave her the 18th as her due date. She said the "cramps" are soft. I put Fany on the phone. Fany asked a bunch of questions and thinks that Erika will go into labor tonight. I bet on tomorrow during the day. Erika said that with Marjory there were three days of these cramps before she went into labor. But she doesn't seem to care when the baby comes. She said God's time is fine with her.
She said she still sleeps well at night. She is happy because today is payday, so they will have the $25 to get Erika and the baby out of the hospital after the birth.
Today I give thanks for Fany. I am grateful for a friend who listens to me when I am grumpy and frustrated and overwhelmed. As I was grumbling to her, I kept waiting for Fany to excuse herself, but she never did. She listened and listened until I was done. God really blessed me when He gave me Fany as my neighbor.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Her Mother's Daughter
I was a little surprised just now to see Clara's phone number pop up on an incoming phone call. I automatically declined it - which is what I always do with people who have limited resources - and called the number myself. It felt a little strange to be calling Clara's number.
Karla answered. She said she had just been assaulted.
As you know, everyone around me has been suffering violence lately. Last weekend, as I dropped off Karla at her college, I told her to be very careful because the new school year is starting and it is very dangerous to be in that area right now. People are getting everything stolen. Even their books, and then the same books are sold outside of the University to other students the next morning!
When Karla told me she was assaulted I freaked out, but Karla said, "Wait! Wait! Let me tell you the whole story. I am not going to allow this to make me sad. I am only going to be MORE HAPPY (with JOY in her voice) because that is what my Mother taught me."
I started to cry. What a beautiful young woman she is!
I could hear the joy in her voice and I said, "Oh, daughter of Clara. You are so brave."
Karla went on to tell me that a few weeks ago she had misplaced $15. She said she bought a chicken and stuck the change in her purse, but then the change wasn't there. It was lost.
She said she got home and felt terrible for losing the money. But Clara told Karla not to worry. She told Karla to be calm and enjoy the chicken. Clara kept reassuring Karla that everything was going to be okay.
The next day they received $50 from some very special friends! They totally saw it as a blessing from God and an assurance to have faith and not to worry because God will always provide. Karla had lost $15, but God gave them $50!
Today she told me that she will not let what happened tonight get her down.
She said that her classes were cancelled today, so she went to a church with her boyfriend. They were playing a guitar. They took a cab home. A pickup truck pulled up behind them. Someone got out of the truck and got into the back seat of the cab with them. He held them up with a pistol. He asked for cash, but she told them her mother died and so he "only" stole her phone and the guitar.
She was calling to tell me that from now on I should reach her at her Mother's number since her phone got stolen. She said the only frustrating thing is that her mother's phone doesn't have internet access, so she does have to get a new phone. BUT the good news is, she had insurance on her old phone which will cover 50% of the cost of a new phone.
She has an exam tomorrow and can't study tonight as she planned bc she has no internet and all of her work was online. But she has faith she will still do well on the exam.
She said she is not scared or discouraged or angry because her mother taught her to have faith - like when she lost the money the day she bought the chicken. She said she is grateful for her safety and although she is a little shaken, she will not let this get her down.
I told her again that she truly is her mother's daughter.
Karla is well. She is living in faith, happiness, and peace, just like her Mommy. I told her I think I am more upset than she is.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Luis is on board!
I spent the whole day in training today. It was fun. My co-workers are the best. Hanging around with them all day is always a good time. Today we brought together all of the people who are, or who may, run the clubs in the communities we serve.
The super, super good news is that today we brought in new volunteers and one is my friend Luis!!!!!
I met Luis while I was serving at Iglesia en Transformación. He's a hard worker, punctual, and goes the extra mile. He is all of the things that my current co-workers are, so he will fit right in.
My hope and dream is that one day Luis will be a paid employee. But that is out of my hands.
Luis seemed to enjoy the day just as much as I did. He wasn't shy, as he can sometimes be. He spoke up and participated more than I expected. He laughed and joked with the rest of us. He seemed right at home! He told me everything was even better than he imagined when I first called and asked if he were interested in serving with me.
We are starting three groups in Los Pinos. That means we'll serve 75 kids there, plus 75 families! That is really going to make an impact. A part of me wishes I were serving in Los Pinos too. But I think it's best for me to be in Villa Nueva.
Another man, Erika's neighbor and a super sweet man, is also considering serving with us. He seems to know a lot about the history of the neighborhood and also the channels to get things done, so it seems like he will be a good fit too. He has always been really nice to me. I am hoping he chooses to join us.
Laura finished her first week of school today. All of her homework came home with "Sophia" written on it today. I pointed that out to Fany and she said she will talk to the teacher tomorrow. They did a Valentines Day project and everything said "Valentine Day". But so far Laura comes home speaking more English every day, so if I am here to correct the mistakes, she should end up on track. She really likes going to school and is excited every morning.
Fany is still really stressed. So far she has chopped down two trees with a machete while Laura was at school. Fany likes to chop things when she is stressed. The grass and the palms in the front yard are trimmed almost bare. The palm in the back yard is just a trunk and the lime tree is gone. She even dug out the roots! I am hoping Fany gets used to Laura being gone for the morning. Our trees are suffering.
The super, super good news is that today we brought in new volunteers and one is my friend Luis!!!!!
I met Luis while I was serving at Iglesia en Transformación. He's a hard worker, punctual, and goes the extra mile. He is all of the things that my current co-workers are, so he will fit right in.
My hope and dream is that one day Luis will be a paid employee. But that is out of my hands.
Luis seemed to enjoy the day just as much as I did. He wasn't shy, as he can sometimes be. He spoke up and participated more than I expected. He laughed and joked with the rest of us. He seemed right at home! He told me everything was even better than he imagined when I first called and asked if he were interested in serving with me.
We are starting three groups in Los Pinos. That means we'll serve 75 kids there, plus 75 families! That is really going to make an impact. A part of me wishes I were serving in Los Pinos too. But I think it's best for me to be in Villa Nueva.
Another man, Erika's neighbor and a super sweet man, is also considering serving with us. He seems to know a lot about the history of the neighborhood and also the channels to get things done, so it seems like he will be a good fit too. He has always been really nice to me. I am hoping he chooses to join us.
Laura finished her first week of school today. All of her homework came home with "Sophia" written on it today. I pointed that out to Fany and she said she will talk to the teacher tomorrow. They did a Valentines Day project and everything said "Valentine Day". But so far Laura comes home speaking more English every day, so if I am here to correct the mistakes, she should end up on track. She really likes going to school and is excited every morning.
Fany is still really stressed. So far she has chopped down two trees with a machete while Laura was at school. Fany likes to chop things when she is stressed. The grass and the palms in the front yard are trimmed almost bare. The palm in the back yard is just a trunk and the lime tree is gone. She even dug out the roots! I am hoping Fany gets used to Laura being gone for the morning. Our trees are suffering.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Not me, but you
I was asked to share a message at church on Sunday. Anything that God put on my heart. Last week I spent a lot of time in prayer and reading the bible, but nothing jumped out at me. Finally I had to prepare a message on my own. I had to say something. But I knew they were my words, nothing more.
At the last minute, an hour before I left for church on Sunday, I knew exactly what I was supposed to share. I was surprisingly calm, even though I only had a few minutes to prepare. When a message comes from the Holy Spirit, it is so much easier to prepare.
When it came time to walk up to the altar and speak, I was excited. There was no sense of nervousness at all. It's fun to share a message when it's not your own!
At the last minute, an hour before I left for church on Sunday, I knew exactly what I was supposed to share. I was surprisingly calm, even though I only had a few minutes to prepare. When a message comes from the Holy Spirit, it is so much easier to prepare.
When it came time to walk up to the altar and speak, I was excited. There was no sense of nervousness at all. It's fun to share a message when it's not your own!
Veronica's going away
This morning Ana called before she went to cook at the Breakfast Program. She has never called me in the morning before. I thought she needed help with an errand she mentioned before. But Ana was actually calling to tell me about the words that Karla shared at Clara's burial. She was very moved by them.
As Ana told me what Karla said, I realized Karla's words were exactly the same words God gave me to share with Karla during the calling hours at the church. Ana never heard me speak those words to Karla, so she didn't know that God used me to comfort Karla with those same worlds earlier that day.
Then Ana told me she was so deeply touched that she broke down crying. Isa comforted her mother, telling Ana not to cry because Clara is with God now and God will take good care of Ana and the girls. Isa comes up with some incredible things for a three year old.
I was supposed to get my car back today. It now has new brakes, an oil change, a new rear windshield wiper, and reverse light. While they were balancing and aligning the tires, they noticed that something, a bar that goes to the stabilizer or something, was bad. My mechanic called and said me he had bad news. It's an expensive part. He thought it would be about $200. He said he thought the car can go a few more miles if I can't pay for it right now, but I shouldn't drive with anyone in the car or on bumpy roads. If you've ever driven in Honduras you know that even paved roads are bumpy.
My mechanic started searching for the part. One place didn't have it. The place he was really counting on could order it, but only from the US and it would cost $400. He said he almost had a heart attack when he heard the price. He didn't buy it. We've had to wait a little to find good prices on car parts in the past. This will be another one of those times. In the meantime I have to drive as little as possible.
Tonight was a going away party at the church for a sweet girl who has been visiting from Germany. I got home at 8 p.m. and Fany was already asleep. I could hear the water from the city coming in under the streets, so I grabbed the hose and started watering the grass. It's only rained once in months and months. Everything is dry and dusty.
Tomorrow I am having spots removed from my face so they don't turn into cancer. Not looking forward to it.
Here are some photos from Veronica's going away party at the church:
As Ana told me what Karla said, I realized Karla's words were exactly the same words God gave me to share with Karla during the calling hours at the church. Ana never heard me speak those words to Karla, so she didn't know that God used me to comfort Karla with those same worlds earlier that day.
Then Ana told me she was so deeply touched that she broke down crying. Isa comforted her mother, telling Ana not to cry because Clara is with God now and God will take good care of Ana and the girls. Isa comes up with some incredible things for a three year old.
I was supposed to get my car back today. It now has new brakes, an oil change, a new rear windshield wiper, and reverse light. While they were balancing and aligning the tires, they noticed that something, a bar that goes to the stabilizer or something, was bad. My mechanic called and said me he had bad news. It's an expensive part. He thought it would be about $200. He said he thought the car can go a few more miles if I can't pay for it right now, but I shouldn't drive with anyone in the car or on bumpy roads. If you've ever driven in Honduras you know that even paved roads are bumpy.
My mechanic started searching for the part. One place didn't have it. The place he was really counting on could order it, but only from the US and it would cost $400. He said he almost had a heart attack when he heard the price. He didn't buy it. We've had to wait a little to find good prices on car parts in the past. This will be another one of those times. In the meantime I have to drive as little as possible.
Tonight was a going away party at the church for a sweet girl who has been visiting from Germany. I got home at 8 p.m. and Fany was already asleep. I could hear the water from the city coming in under the streets, so I grabbed the hose and started watering the grass. It's only rained once in months and months. Everything is dry and dusty.
Tomorrow I am having spots removed from my face so they don't turn into cancer. Not looking forward to it.
Here are some photos from Veronica's going away party at the church:
 |
| Blessing the leaders of our new small groups |
 |
| The ladies |
 |
| Veronica and her new bible She accepted Christ two weeks ago |
 |
| Hugs |
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
In Her Footsteps
This morning I went to a "vela" for Clara. In Honduras when someone dies, as soon as the body is released from the hospital they have a vela. The vela is like the viewing, calling hours, and a short message. Then the casket it placed in the back of a pickup truck with flowers and everyone lines up behind the pickup truck to drive to the cemetery. Usually there are more pickup trucks full of people in the line and they go really slowly.
Clara's casket was beautiful. The wood was very pretty and ornate. Perfect for Clara. Inside was all white, with a white lace sheet pulled up to her chest. I have never, ever thought this before about a deceased person, but I must say, she looked very nice. She looked just the same as I saw her last. Very peaceful and like herself.
The lid of the casket was cut specially so that the part right above her head could open. She laid below, with a layer of glass above so you couldn't reach in or touch her.
(Sorry for all of the detail, but I know some of you wish you could have been there, so I want to be as detailed as possible.)
It is really cold in Honduras for the last week, so the vela was help upstairs at Transformacion instead of outside. I haven't been there since a year ago November, so it was a little strange. But I was glad I went.
A lot was the same, like the chairs gathered in circles for kids from the breakfast program. But there were some changes too. All of the doors are now metal because of the repeated robberies. They also built metal railings around the second floor. I am not sure what purpose they serve, for safety I'm sure.
Don Juan, the guard, was super happy to see me, and I was happy to see him. We talk on the phone sometimes, but I haven't seen him in over a year.
Upstairs was a table of cookies and coffee, with Clara's sister receiving people. I just saw her Saturday when I stopped by their house. At that point we never imagined the next time we saw each other would be at a vela for Clara.
Ana was inside with three ladies from the church and many people from Los Pinos. When Isa saw me she started shrieking my name, so I grabbed her to quiet her down and said hello to Ana.
Then I went over and talked to Estephany. She seemed like her normal self. I gave her a big hug, then told her I had to give her two more hugs from friends of her family who live in the US. She smiled and received them happily. Then we sat and I told her how proud everyone is that she is studying in the University. She is studying psychology. We chatted a little about the great example she is setting for other young women from Los Pinos.
Next I passed up front to where Karla was sitting. Her grief was more apparent. I gave her a hug and she broke down in my arms. But God gave me the words, "Precious daughter of God" and I whispered them into her ear. She sobbed and sobbed. When she pulled back I told her that her mother is a woman of exemplary faith and strength, and Karla is the same, I told her that we all admire and respect the way that she has handled this difficult situation, always remaining by her mother's side while working full time and attending college. She will be successful in life because of these things. She smiled.
She told me about her mother's last words to her. That she arrived at the hospital, set down her purse, and her mother had clearly been waiting for her arrival. As soon as Karla set down her purse Clara said her last words to Karla and passed away.
Then Karla told me that she wanted me to know something. She said that her mother always considered me a good friend. I told Karla that Clara was always a good friend to me, as well. Then Karla said, "When my Mom spoke of you she always said, 'Mary Lynn is my friend'." That was so nice to hear. God sent me those words because sometimes I am not sure who are my real friends in life.
It was not easy to go back to that church today. I didn't know how I would be received. But I knew it was the right thing to do, to honor Clara and support her daughters. It is nice to have the confirmation that my friendship with Clara never wavered, in my mind or in hers.
As I talked to Karla, Samuel came up and hugged me. I told him he needed to hug Karla too, so he put one arm around each of us and pulled us in tight. Then I noticed he and Isabela both wandered over to the casket. They were standing there looking in, with no adults around so I went over and picked up Isa. I explained that Clara is with God in heaven. Her body is here with us, but her soul is with God now. Looking back, I should have tried to explain what a soul is, but she and Samuel seemed satisfied with that explanation.
Then we prayed. Samuel grabbed my hand, David stood next to Samuel, and Isa bowed her head. I gave thanks to God for loving Clara the way he did and for giving Clara such strong faith that is an example for all of us to learn from, Then I asked God to watch over Clara's family as they continue on, to let them feel His love, and Clara's love. To remind them of Clara's strength and will to fight through any difficult situations they may face. I don't remember what else I said. All I know is that when I opened my eyes we were surrounded by other people who had all come up and joined us in prayer around the casket! It was a powerful moment. I was so grateful to God because until that moment everyone had been sitting in their little sections with their friends and nobody was interacting very much. That is the power of prayer!
I had a nice talk with Chayito. She is now in charge of the breakfast program and I have heard nothing but wonderful things from both the kids and the adult visitors who have attended since she took over. I shared with her all of the compliments I've heard. She was grateful. Everyone should know when they are doing a good job, right?
My first visit at my old church was fine. I am peaceful and happy that I had a special friend in Clara. On my way out the door I saw Karla again. She thanked me for everything and said she especially appreciated the hugs sent by her friends from afar.
I left feeling very hopeful for Karla and Estephany. Their mother raised strong, admirable young ladies who will follow in her footsteps and beyond.
Clara's casket was beautiful. The wood was very pretty and ornate. Perfect for Clara. Inside was all white, with a white lace sheet pulled up to her chest. I have never, ever thought this before about a deceased person, but I must say, she looked very nice. She looked just the same as I saw her last. Very peaceful and like herself.
The lid of the casket was cut specially so that the part right above her head could open. She laid below, with a layer of glass above so you couldn't reach in or touch her.
(Sorry for all of the detail, but I know some of you wish you could have been there, so I want to be as detailed as possible.)
It is really cold in Honduras for the last week, so the vela was help upstairs at Transformacion instead of outside. I haven't been there since a year ago November, so it was a little strange. But I was glad I went.
A lot was the same, like the chairs gathered in circles for kids from the breakfast program. But there were some changes too. All of the doors are now metal because of the repeated robberies. They also built metal railings around the second floor. I am not sure what purpose they serve, for safety I'm sure.
Don Juan, the guard, was super happy to see me, and I was happy to see him. We talk on the phone sometimes, but I haven't seen him in over a year.
Upstairs was a table of cookies and coffee, with Clara's sister receiving people. I just saw her Saturday when I stopped by their house. At that point we never imagined the next time we saw each other would be at a vela for Clara.
Ana was inside with three ladies from the church and many people from Los Pinos. When Isa saw me she started shrieking my name, so I grabbed her to quiet her down and said hello to Ana.
Then I went over and talked to Estephany. She seemed like her normal self. I gave her a big hug, then told her I had to give her two more hugs from friends of her family who live in the US. She smiled and received them happily. Then we sat and I told her how proud everyone is that she is studying in the University. She is studying psychology. We chatted a little about the great example she is setting for other young women from Los Pinos.
Next I passed up front to where Karla was sitting. Her grief was more apparent. I gave her a hug and she broke down in my arms. But God gave me the words, "Precious daughter of God" and I whispered them into her ear. She sobbed and sobbed. When she pulled back I told her that her mother is a woman of exemplary faith and strength, and Karla is the same, I told her that we all admire and respect the way that she has handled this difficult situation, always remaining by her mother's side while working full time and attending college. She will be successful in life because of these things. She smiled.
She told me about her mother's last words to her. That she arrived at the hospital, set down her purse, and her mother had clearly been waiting for her arrival. As soon as Karla set down her purse Clara said her last words to Karla and passed away.
Then Karla told me that she wanted me to know something. She said that her mother always considered me a good friend. I told Karla that Clara was always a good friend to me, as well. Then Karla said, "When my Mom spoke of you she always said, 'Mary Lynn is my friend'." That was so nice to hear. God sent me those words because sometimes I am not sure who are my real friends in life.
It was not easy to go back to that church today. I didn't know how I would be received. But I knew it was the right thing to do, to honor Clara and support her daughters. It is nice to have the confirmation that my friendship with Clara never wavered, in my mind or in hers.
As I talked to Karla, Samuel came up and hugged me. I told him he needed to hug Karla too, so he put one arm around each of us and pulled us in tight. Then I noticed he and Isabela both wandered over to the casket. They were standing there looking in, with no adults around so I went over and picked up Isa. I explained that Clara is with God in heaven. Her body is here with us, but her soul is with God now. Looking back, I should have tried to explain what a soul is, but she and Samuel seemed satisfied with that explanation.
Then we prayed. Samuel grabbed my hand, David stood next to Samuel, and Isa bowed her head. I gave thanks to God for loving Clara the way he did and for giving Clara such strong faith that is an example for all of us to learn from, Then I asked God to watch over Clara's family as they continue on, to let them feel His love, and Clara's love. To remind them of Clara's strength and will to fight through any difficult situations they may face. I don't remember what else I said. All I know is that when I opened my eyes we were surrounded by other people who had all come up and joined us in prayer around the casket! It was a powerful moment. I was so grateful to God because until that moment everyone had been sitting in their little sections with their friends and nobody was interacting very much. That is the power of prayer!
I had a nice talk with Chayito. She is now in charge of the breakfast program and I have heard nothing but wonderful things from both the kids and the adult visitors who have attended since she took over. I shared with her all of the compliments I've heard. She was grateful. Everyone should know when they are doing a good job, right?
My first visit at my old church was fine. I am peaceful and happy that I had a special friend in Clara. On my way out the door I saw Karla again. She thanked me for everything and said she especially appreciated the hugs sent by her friends from afar.
I left feeling very hopeful for Karla and Estephany. Their mother raised strong, admirable young ladies who will follow in her footsteps and beyond.
Riding the bus
This morning I was up early after not sleeping well. I kept waking up with Karla on my mind, wondering how she felt spending the first night without her mother. Of course my worry did nothing but leave me with bags under my eyes (larger than normal), nausea and a migraine.
I promised Fany I would go over at 7 a.m. to take photos of Laura getting on the bus for the first time. Yesterday she went to school with her parents. Today the bus driver passed by for her. This was the hardest part for Fany. We have been praying about it for days. She is okay now with Laura being in the school but is very nervous about the bus.
At 6:40 I wrapped a sweater around my pajamas (It's getting into the 50's every night here!) and headed over to Fany's house. They were all ready and waiting.
First Fany asked me to pray so I prayed about Laura's day, and specifically the bus ride. The bus ended up coming 25 minutes late and passing right by the house, but Laura was calm the whole time.
We took some photos. I am trying to get more natural photos and not the beauty queen smile with the fake poses.
I promised Fany I would go over at 7 a.m. to take photos of Laura getting on the bus for the first time. Yesterday she went to school with her parents. Today the bus driver passed by for her. This was the hardest part for Fany. We have been praying about it for days. She is okay now with Laura being in the school but is very nervous about the bus.
At 6:40 I wrapped a sweater around my pajamas (It's getting into the 50's every night here!) and headed over to Fany's house. They were all ready and waiting.
First Fany asked me to pray so I prayed about Laura's day, and specifically the bus ride. The bus ended up coming 25 minutes late and passing right by the house, but Laura was calm the whole time.
We took some photos. I am trying to get more natural photos and not the beauty queen smile with the fake poses.
 |
| It's cold outside, tights, socks, a hood, and hat |
 |
 |
| The bus passed right by the house! |
 |
| Searching for the bus |
Monday, February 8, 2016
Incredible Faith
Today we had our weekly devotional and meeting to prepare for the week to come. On the way to the office I dropped off my car for what I planned to be an oil change, only on Saturday after I made the appointment, the car started making funny noises.
My office is only 2 blocks from the mechanic which is awesome but I was afraid it wouldn't make the noise in those two little blocks as he dropped me off for work. It did. In fact the noise was even louder. I called at noon and he was still trying to figure it out, so I took a taxi home and was able to give another friend (the lady who sings the rancheras) a taxi ride to her house too.
Today I made a list of all of my new responsibilities. Right now they are feeling a little, actually a lot, overwhelming. I decided I am going to take the list to my boss and make sure she thinks it is really manageable. The good thing is, she is a fair woman who will want me to do my very best. I don't think she'll want to dump things on me if I can't do a good job. But today she told my co-workers that I am going to be teaching self defense too! Then she said, "Wow. You are going to be really busy."
That was when I decided to make the list. I made it in order of what I think I will do well, which also aligns with my passions, or what I would like to do. It is as follows:
1) Classes for kids with special needs
2) Writing class for women
3) Disciple Erika
4) Learn how to teach English by helping a co-worker who gives English classes to the people we serve (This can be incredibly helpful in the future, as everyone I know wants to learn English.)
5) Spend at least 2 hours with Ana every 2 weeks
6) Self defense/exercise/nutrition class
7) Home visits in Villa Nueva
8) Lead a club in Villa Nueva
9) Discipleship class with Pastora Ruth
10) Intercession at my church
Numbers 1, 2, 6, 8 and 9 each take several hours apiece in preparation time outside of class.
I am not writing about this to complain. I just am sharing what I am currently sorting out in my head. It would be awesome to find a way to do all of this, and do it well. God will make it happen if it is his plan.
Just now I received word from Karla that doctors are saying her Mom could die. Two weeks ago I took Clara and Karla to a doctor's visit. That day they decided they would begin chemo once again. She went back for tests the next day and started chemo the following day.
After starting chemo, Clara did well for a couple of days. But then she caught a cold. The cold made her so weak she couldn't walk. Soon she couldn't breathe. They rushed her to the hospital on February 2nd and she has been there ever since.
Some of my friends from the states also care very much for Clara and her daughters. They have been extremely attentive to the family, helping in every way they can.
Sunday night I learned that someone needs to stay with Clara at all times, except when the doctors are doing rounds. Despite being exhausted, they are all in good spirits. Both of the girls and Clara's sister are taking shifts to be with Clara. Their faith is absolutely inspirational. We know they learned this faith in grand part from Clara.
Today Karla told me the doctors have said her mother's life is in a delicate balance, and this may be the end.
Karla and Clara are as calm as can be. They believe God has all of the power, so they don't worry about what the doctors say. They have been in this situation before, and Clara always pulls through.
I sent out a prayer request to my prayer team. I haven't asked for urgent prayer from my prayer team in a long time. The prayer list seems to be missing some names, so let me know if you're not on it. I will keep people informed through emails about Clara's ongoing battle.
In the meantime, enjoy this photo of Clara and her daughters after Clara defied death the second time:
My office is only 2 blocks from the mechanic which is awesome but I was afraid it wouldn't make the noise in those two little blocks as he dropped me off for work. It did. In fact the noise was even louder. I called at noon and he was still trying to figure it out, so I took a taxi home and was able to give another friend (the lady who sings the rancheras) a taxi ride to her house too.
Today I made a list of all of my new responsibilities. Right now they are feeling a little, actually a lot, overwhelming. I decided I am going to take the list to my boss and make sure she thinks it is really manageable. The good thing is, she is a fair woman who will want me to do my very best. I don't think she'll want to dump things on me if I can't do a good job. But today she told my co-workers that I am going to be teaching self defense too! Then she said, "Wow. You are going to be really busy."
That was when I decided to make the list. I made it in order of what I think I will do well, which also aligns with my passions, or what I would like to do. It is as follows:
1) Classes for kids with special needs
2) Writing class for women
3) Disciple Erika
4) Learn how to teach English by helping a co-worker who gives English classes to the people we serve (This can be incredibly helpful in the future, as everyone I know wants to learn English.)
5) Spend at least 2 hours with Ana every 2 weeks
6) Self defense/exercise/nutrition class
7) Home visits in Villa Nueva
8) Lead a club in Villa Nueva
9) Discipleship class with Pastora Ruth
10) Intercession at my church
Numbers 1, 2, 6, 8 and 9 each take several hours apiece in preparation time outside of class.
I am not writing about this to complain. I just am sharing what I am currently sorting out in my head. It would be awesome to find a way to do all of this, and do it well. God will make it happen if it is his plan.
Just now I received word from Karla that doctors are saying her Mom could die. Two weeks ago I took Clara and Karla to a doctor's visit. That day they decided they would begin chemo once again. She went back for tests the next day and started chemo the following day.
After starting chemo, Clara did well for a couple of days. But then she caught a cold. The cold made her so weak she couldn't walk. Soon she couldn't breathe. They rushed her to the hospital on February 2nd and she has been there ever since.
Some of my friends from the states also care very much for Clara and her daughters. They have been extremely attentive to the family, helping in every way they can.
Sunday night I learned that someone needs to stay with Clara at all times, except when the doctors are doing rounds. Despite being exhausted, they are all in good spirits. Both of the girls and Clara's sister are taking shifts to be with Clara. Their faith is absolutely inspirational. We know they learned this faith in grand part from Clara.
Today Karla told me the doctors have said her mother's life is in a delicate balance, and this may be the end.
Karla and Clara are as calm as can be. They believe God has all of the power, so they don't worry about what the doctors say. They have been in this situation before, and Clara always pulls through.
I sent out a prayer request to my prayer team. I haven't asked for urgent prayer from my prayer team in a long time. The prayer list seems to be missing some names, so let me know if you're not on it. I will keep people informed through emails about Clara's ongoing battle.
In the meantime, enjoy this photo of Clara and her daughters after Clara defied death the second time:
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Dreams Come True
My lack of posts is not because I'm withdrawing again. I've been busy every second!
I spent Thursday with Erika.
Friday at 6:41 a.m. my coworker called to say she would meet me at 9 a.m. at our meeting place in Villa Nueva. I was excited because for the past few weeks we haven't gotten out into the communities. So I called my taxi driver and got the ride arranged, since there is no safe place to leave my car there.
Then at 7:30 she called again saying her plans changed and she had other priorities, but we can go next week. So much can happen before 8 a.m. in a country where it is accepted practice to make phone calls at 6 a.m.!
I spent the morning and part of the afternoon preparing my message for Sunday church, but nothing came to me. Little did I know God was going to wait until 8:35 a.m. on Sunday to confirm what I was supposed to share. He came through just in the nick of time!
At 2 p.m. I had a meeting with my boss. She asked if I would like to have my own club in Villa Nueva, the colonia which is between my house and Los Pinos. I will be responsible for the needs of 25 kids and their families. In addition to meeting with the group of kids weekly, I will do home visits to every home at least once monthly. I am the only person serving in an area that is not my home, but I have already met some of the families and am familiar with the neighborhood.
My boss also explained to me that she has a son with Asperger's. He does well in school with the book stuff, but his social skills are lacking. He attends a private school that is bilingual and inclusive. She asked if I would like to help out at the school teaching things that the teachers are not covering, like impulse control, coping mechanisms and social skills.
I was instantly excited. These are things I did and enjoyed in wilderness therapy and when I worked in the lockdown facility for sex offenders. She even got me a book with different lessons we can use as a starting point.
Here is the cool part: Her dream is that we start this pilot program at her son's school, fine tune it, then duplicate it in the public schools! The organization we serve has the pull to be able to make this happen! If kids with special needs have specialized individual education plans, they will be more successful, less likely to be left behind, and more likely to graduate. This could change the future for a whole lot of kids!
I love how big my boss dreams, and since she is a woman of action, I believe this will one day be a DREAM COME TRUE.
(You should have gotten an email about this. If you didn't and you'd like to, please let me know.)
After spending lots of time this week reading the bible and praying about the message I was to present this morning at church, I spent Saturday evening reading Psalm 91 over and over until Fany said I had it right. Both of us were falling asleep in her kitchen, but finally I felt ready to go to bed.
I knew that Psalm 91 was not the message that God wanted me to share with my church today, but He hadn't given me anything else, and I had to prepare something.
This morning I had plans to make myself extra beautiful by straight ironing my hair before church. Then the power went out. No blow drying or straight ironing for me! So I laid down on my bed and prayed. Finally, at 8:35, an hour before my ride was supposed to pick me up (my car is making a funny noise) God gave me the message He wanted me to share.
I realized that I was reading Psalm 91 because Fany and another friend had recommended it to give me peace when I was scared. And although Psalm 91 is powerful and tells us not to be afraid, to me it still represented the fear I was fighting.
Instead of Psalm 91, God gave me John 14:27 (NLT) "I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.
My message at church this morning turned out really well, I think. I felt very satisfied with it. God gave me the words to speak and the Holy Spirit was with me as I translated everything into Spanish. I didn't even feel nervous. Instead I was happy and excited to share what God wanted me to share with my church family. Never thought I would say that, but it really is true!
Clara is back in the hospital. She came down with a cold after she started receiving chemo and it is kicking her butt. I am so proud of the way her daughters stand by her side. They are both in college now and busy young ladies, but they do all they can for their mother. It is beautiful to see. Clara raised strong, loving, devoted and faithful daughters who are fighters just like Clara.
Laura starts school tomorrow. Fany is going crazy. This is really hard for her! But Laura is excited.
Ana and her family came over yesterday. We ate baleadas and had a nice, relaxing time. I had to walk to the next colonia over to buy garbage cans for the church. Turned out Ana knew the lady who I had ordered the garbage cans from. The lady and her husband drove Ana to the hospital when she was in labor with her oldest son, Jired. They haven't seen each other in 16 years! It was cool that of all of the people in the world, that is who I bought the garbage cans from, and then happened to have Ana with me when I went to pick them up. No coincidence there!
No photos of Isa today because she fell asleep in my arms:
I spent Thursday with Erika.
Friday at 6:41 a.m. my coworker called to say she would meet me at 9 a.m. at our meeting place in Villa Nueva. I was excited because for the past few weeks we haven't gotten out into the communities. So I called my taxi driver and got the ride arranged, since there is no safe place to leave my car there.
Then at 7:30 she called again saying her plans changed and she had other priorities, but we can go next week. So much can happen before 8 a.m. in a country where it is accepted practice to make phone calls at 6 a.m.!
I spent the morning and part of the afternoon preparing my message for Sunday church, but nothing came to me. Little did I know God was going to wait until 8:35 a.m. on Sunday to confirm what I was supposed to share. He came through just in the nick of time!
At 2 p.m. I had a meeting with my boss. She asked if I would like to have my own club in Villa Nueva, the colonia which is between my house and Los Pinos. I will be responsible for the needs of 25 kids and their families. In addition to meeting with the group of kids weekly, I will do home visits to every home at least once monthly. I am the only person serving in an area that is not my home, but I have already met some of the families and am familiar with the neighborhood.
My boss also explained to me that she has a son with Asperger's. He does well in school with the book stuff, but his social skills are lacking. He attends a private school that is bilingual and inclusive. She asked if I would like to help out at the school teaching things that the teachers are not covering, like impulse control, coping mechanisms and social skills.
I was instantly excited. These are things I did and enjoyed in wilderness therapy and when I worked in the lockdown facility for sex offenders. She even got me a book with different lessons we can use as a starting point.
Here is the cool part: Her dream is that we start this pilot program at her son's school, fine tune it, then duplicate it in the public schools! The organization we serve has the pull to be able to make this happen! If kids with special needs have specialized individual education plans, they will be more successful, less likely to be left behind, and more likely to graduate. This could change the future for a whole lot of kids!
I love how big my boss dreams, and since she is a woman of action, I believe this will one day be a DREAM COME TRUE.
(You should have gotten an email about this. If you didn't and you'd like to, please let me know.)
After spending lots of time this week reading the bible and praying about the message I was to present this morning at church, I spent Saturday evening reading Psalm 91 over and over until Fany said I had it right. Both of us were falling asleep in her kitchen, but finally I felt ready to go to bed.
I knew that Psalm 91 was not the message that God wanted me to share with my church today, but He hadn't given me anything else, and I had to prepare something.
This morning I had plans to make myself extra beautiful by straight ironing my hair before church. Then the power went out. No blow drying or straight ironing for me! So I laid down on my bed and prayed. Finally, at 8:35, an hour before my ride was supposed to pick me up (my car is making a funny noise) God gave me the message He wanted me to share.
I realized that I was reading Psalm 91 because Fany and another friend had recommended it to give me peace when I was scared. And although Psalm 91 is powerful and tells us not to be afraid, to me it still represented the fear I was fighting.
Instead of Psalm 91, God gave me John 14:27 (NLT) "I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.
My message at church this morning turned out really well, I think. I felt very satisfied with it. God gave me the words to speak and the Holy Spirit was with me as I translated everything into Spanish. I didn't even feel nervous. Instead I was happy and excited to share what God wanted me to share with my church family. Never thought I would say that, but it really is true!
Clara is back in the hospital. She came down with a cold after she started receiving chemo and it is kicking her butt. I am so proud of the way her daughters stand by her side. They are both in college now and busy young ladies, but they do all they can for their mother. It is beautiful to see. Clara raised strong, loving, devoted and faithful daughters who are fighters just like Clara.
Laura starts school tomorrow. Fany is going crazy. This is really hard for her! But Laura is excited.
Ana and her family came over yesterday. We ate baleadas and had a nice, relaxing time. I had to walk to the next colonia over to buy garbage cans for the church. Turned out Ana knew the lady who I had ordered the garbage cans from. The lady and her husband drove Ana to the hospital when she was in labor with her oldest son, Jired. They haven't seen each other in 16 years! It was cool that of all of the people in the world, that is who I bought the garbage cans from, and then happened to have Ana with me when I went to pick them up. No coincidence there!
No photos of Isa today because she fell asleep in my arms:
 |
| Climbing the mango tree |
 |
 |
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Preparing...
We topped 25,000 reads on this blog yesterday! Thank you for your interest in Honduras and its people.
This morning I had a dermatologist appointment. I've been worried since something appeared on my ear, right on top where it always burns from the sun. It's been growing. Finally I made a doctor appointment. I was nervous and didn't want to go. I was afraid of skin cancer, which would have been well earned. Sunblock didn't even exist when I was a kid.
Thankfully, I do not have any cancerous spots. However, I have to get several things burned off before the have a chance to become cancerous. Plus I have to take medicine in preparation, and use a bunch of new skin creams. Expensive stuff! Worth the cost for my peace of mind and future health.
Tomorrow we are back to doing home visits in the communities we serve. My co-workers and I are excited! In the meantime I am preparing for this weekend. Pastora Ruth gave our discipleship class a LOT of homework. Plus I was asked to open the church service with a short message and a time of prayer. On top of that I have to prepare lunch to sell after the service as our weekly fundraiser.
Fany is running around buying the million things required for Laura to start Kindergarten. It's not just a special uniform. They have a list of about 40 things Laura needs on the first day of school, from markers and colored pencils, to strange things that I am not even sure what they are. And four rolls of toilet paper.
School started this week for other kids. Erika's sister is missing classes because nobody has the four dollars to get her photo taken for an ID. She needs the ID to enter the school. When Erika told me about it, my instinct was to pay for the photo, but her sister wasn't home. She was working to earn the money. That is better for her in the long run. I'll make sure she has the ID in time to go next week.
Erika is really worried she will have the baby before the 15th of February. That is when the baby's father will have money to pay the unexpected higher costs of the hospital bill. She is due the 18th and hoping the baby doesn't decide to come sooner. It's hard to find a balance between telling her not to worry, and reminding her that this is the life she chose when she got pregnant again. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I tend to err on the side of being a softy.
This morning I had a dermatologist appointment. I've been worried since something appeared on my ear, right on top where it always burns from the sun. It's been growing. Finally I made a doctor appointment. I was nervous and didn't want to go. I was afraid of skin cancer, which would have been well earned. Sunblock didn't even exist when I was a kid.
Thankfully, I do not have any cancerous spots. However, I have to get several things burned off before the have a chance to become cancerous. Plus I have to take medicine in preparation, and use a bunch of new skin creams. Expensive stuff! Worth the cost for my peace of mind and future health.
Tomorrow we are back to doing home visits in the communities we serve. My co-workers and I are excited! In the meantime I am preparing for this weekend. Pastora Ruth gave our discipleship class a LOT of homework. Plus I was asked to open the church service with a short message and a time of prayer. On top of that I have to prepare lunch to sell after the service as our weekly fundraiser.
Fany is running around buying the million things required for Laura to start Kindergarten. It's not just a special uniform. They have a list of about 40 things Laura needs on the first day of school, from markers and colored pencils, to strange things that I am not even sure what they are. And four rolls of toilet paper.
School started this week for other kids. Erika's sister is missing classes because nobody has the four dollars to get her photo taken for an ID. She needs the ID to enter the school. When Erika told me about it, my instinct was to pay for the photo, but her sister wasn't home. She was working to earn the money. That is better for her in the long run. I'll make sure she has the ID in time to go next week.
Erika is really worried she will have the baby before the 15th of February. That is when the baby's father will have money to pay the unexpected higher costs of the hospital bill. She is due the 18th and hoping the baby doesn't decide to come sooner. It's hard to find a balance between telling her not to worry, and reminding her that this is the life she chose when she got pregnant again. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I tend to err on the side of being a softy.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
New Sponsors!
I picked up 2 new sponsors in January!
Yesterday I was working on some tax stuff and I got really stressed out about money. Then today I opened up my monthly report from the people who handle my donations. I always dread opening up that file. But today there were two new sponsors! Man, was that ever an answer to prayer.
Now I just need $65 more in monthly donations and I'll be okay. That's totally doable whether it's through one person or several smaller gifts. I have faith. Thank you to all my sponsors. You are a huge blessing to me and the people I serve.
Erika called me from a strange number yesterday. It's extra strange because there are three numbers she always calls me from, so to have it be none of those numbers was odd.
She said she is worried, but she can't tell me why over the phone. The first thing I assumed was that her boyfriend kicked her out (although I have no reason to think he would do that!). She assured me everything is fine with her health, as well as with her boyfriend and her family. I asked if she needed me to come to her right away, which I was hesitant to do because it was already 4:45 p.m. and it gets dark at 5:30. She said she needs to talk to me in person when I have free time. So, I am going to see her today. She assured me she is safe and healthy.
I was nervous for her last night, but I'm feeling better today.
I am guessing she has to ask me for money. I know she hates doing that. She has only done it once before in the year that I have been working with her. She asked me for $5 once and she almost broke down in tears in the process.
However, the cost of having a baby went from $7.50 to $25 (from 150 Lempiras to 500 Lempiras) at the public hospital. I know that her boyfriend is already short on money because he asked for a loan a couple of weeks ago.
Also, Fany said that Erika looked really worried when Fany was talking about the huge jump in the costs at the public hospital. So I think Erika is worried about being stuck at the hospital with no money to get out after she has this baby. I bet a lot of people are in the same boat.
Fany told me that Laura was born a few weeks early. She and Santos had just spent all of their money that day on a check up at the doctor's office. Then she went into labor the same night. She and Santos didn't know how they were going to pay for Fany to get out of the hospital. (You can't leave until you pay your bill.)
If Fany and Santos can be in a situation like that, I know many, many other people are too.
Yesterday I was working on some tax stuff and I got really stressed out about money. Then today I opened up my monthly report from the people who handle my donations. I always dread opening up that file. But today there were two new sponsors! Man, was that ever an answer to prayer.
Now I just need $65 more in monthly donations and I'll be okay. That's totally doable whether it's through one person or several smaller gifts. I have faith. Thank you to all my sponsors. You are a huge blessing to me and the people I serve.
Erika called me from a strange number yesterday. It's extra strange because there are three numbers she always calls me from, so to have it be none of those numbers was odd.
She said she is worried, but she can't tell me why over the phone. The first thing I assumed was that her boyfriend kicked her out (although I have no reason to think he would do that!). She assured me everything is fine with her health, as well as with her boyfriend and her family. I asked if she needed me to come to her right away, which I was hesitant to do because it was already 4:45 p.m. and it gets dark at 5:30. She said she needs to talk to me in person when I have free time. So, I am going to see her today. She assured me she is safe and healthy.
I was nervous for her last night, but I'm feeling better today.
I am guessing she has to ask me for money. I know she hates doing that. She has only done it once before in the year that I have been working with her. She asked me for $5 once and she almost broke down in tears in the process.
However, the cost of having a baby went from $7.50 to $25 (from 150 Lempiras to 500 Lempiras) at the public hospital. I know that her boyfriend is already short on money because he asked for a loan a couple of weeks ago.
Also, Fany said that Erika looked really worried when Fany was talking about the huge jump in the costs at the public hospital. So I think Erika is worried about being stuck at the hospital with no money to get out after she has this baby. I bet a lot of people are in the same boat.
Fany told me that Laura was born a few weeks early. She and Santos had just spent all of their money that day on a check up at the doctor's office. Then she went into labor the same night. She and Santos didn't know how they were going to pay for Fany to get out of the hospital. (You can't leave until you pay your bill.)
If Fany and Santos can be in a situation like that, I know many, many other people are too.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
A lesson from Maria
Sunday morning a lady from the church passed away. In Honduras they do the calling hours immediately and the burial is either the same night or the next day. So Sunday after church we piled into cars and went to see her family.
We drove up into the mountains where our church used to be until two years ago. Leaving our cars in front of the old church, we headed out on foot taking the same trail Maria did, almost every Sunday for the past eight years.
That journey taught me a lot. Every Sunday Maria and her brother-in-law, Efrain, wake up at 5 a.m. to get ready for church. Efrain is blind. He lives with his mentally handicapped adult son.
At 7 a.m., after bathing either in a river, or from barrels of water if God brought rain, they head down the side of the mountain. Having walked the path, I now understand why it takes them an hour to get into town and catch their ride to church.
The path is steep and uneven with rocks. There is little shade from the heat of the sun. I can't imagine it in the rain. Walking at a normal speed, it took me about 20 minutes. I was not leading a blind person.
My church friends, even the kids, were huffing and puffing. We stopped several times to rest and seek shade. The sun beat down so hard we were covered in sweat. It is a difficult hike for a person who is not blind.
Besides the steep mountain, there is also a river to cross. It's not a creek, as was described to me when I noticed at church one day that their pant legs were wet. It is a river. A river of filthy water. Efrain told me that sometimes it is chest deep. Yet Efrain and Maria faithfully cross that river every Sunday, sometimes with Efrain's son in tow, to catch the bus which drives them 30 minutes to church. I am told by others who ride with them that Efrain and Maria are always the first to arrive at the bus stop.
I thought about myself that morning. As I wrote about in my previous blog, I was having a bad day. My mind was full of reasons why I shouldn't go to church. By the time I pried myself out of bed, it was already a few minutes before I should have hopped into my air conditioned car. I was too lazy to bath in my heated shower and make myself as presentable as possible as a daughter of the Most High.
By the time I get out of bed most Sundays, Efrain and Maria have already bathed and cooked breakfast outside over a fire, scaled a mountainside, crossed a river, and hiked to meet the car that drives them to the church. All while I lie in bed. Now that is dedication. That is living a life of praise and honor for our Heavenly Father.
Until Sunday, when I thought of Maria I immediately thought of her hugs. Over the past year, I made a point to sit and talk with Efrain and Maria several times because Efrain can't get up and socialize, but he does love to talk. We ate together a few times after the church service. They are friendly, happy people who are nice to talk with. Whenever I think of Maria, she has a big, slightly mischievous smile on her face.
The thing that stood out most to me was Maria's hugs. Our church members greet each other with a hug. But Maria's hugs are like no other. Maria hugs you tight. And not only are her hugs tight, they also last really, really long. When Maria embraced you, you had no choice but to receive the love she shared.
Every week Maria hugged me. Every week I would hug her back for the "appropriate" amount of time. Then I would pull away. But she never let go! So I'd settle back into a hug with her again, and find myself letting go for a second time. But she was never done yet. Usually by the third hug by conscious mind kicked in and I was able to let her hug me until she was done.
After a year's worth of hugs with Maria, I never learned to just let her hug me. I always let go. I regret that now. I know hugs were important to her. I wish I had learned how to hug her back in the same loving embrace that she hugged me.
As we climbed up and down that mountain on Sunday we all talked about Maria and her long lasting hugs. We all came to respect Maria and Efrain in a new way after walking that walk, and seeing their homes.
I hope in the future I am better at receiving love when it is offered to me so freely. I hope I remember Maria on Sunday mornings as I wake up and prepare for church. Maria's love, joy, strength, dedication and obedience are exemplary of how I believe God called us to live. I want to be more like Maria.
At our church retreat last summer the kids had a piñata. They were playing around. Finally Maria said, "Let me show you how it's done!" She grabbed the stick and started whacking Minnie Mouse with such force we didn't know she had it in her! All of the adults were laughing so hard as the kids dove for the candy.
We drove up into the mountains where our church used to be until two years ago. Leaving our cars in front of the old church, we headed out on foot taking the same trail Maria did, almost every Sunday for the past eight years.
That journey taught me a lot. Every Sunday Maria and her brother-in-law, Efrain, wake up at 5 a.m. to get ready for church. Efrain is blind. He lives with his mentally handicapped adult son.
At 7 a.m., after bathing either in a river, or from barrels of water if God brought rain, they head down the side of the mountain. Having walked the path, I now understand why it takes them an hour to get into town and catch their ride to church.
The path is steep and uneven with rocks. There is little shade from the heat of the sun. I can't imagine it in the rain. Walking at a normal speed, it took me about 20 minutes. I was not leading a blind person.
My church friends, even the kids, were huffing and puffing. We stopped several times to rest and seek shade. The sun beat down so hard we were covered in sweat. It is a difficult hike for a person who is not blind.
Besides the steep mountain, there is also a river to cross. It's not a creek, as was described to me when I noticed at church one day that their pant legs were wet. It is a river. A river of filthy water. Efrain told me that sometimes it is chest deep. Yet Efrain and Maria faithfully cross that river every Sunday, sometimes with Efrain's son in tow, to catch the bus which drives them 30 minutes to church. I am told by others who ride with them that Efrain and Maria are always the first to arrive at the bus stop.
I thought about myself that morning. As I wrote about in my previous blog, I was having a bad day. My mind was full of reasons why I shouldn't go to church. By the time I pried myself out of bed, it was already a few minutes before I should have hopped into my air conditioned car. I was too lazy to bath in my heated shower and make myself as presentable as possible as a daughter of the Most High.
By the time I get out of bed most Sundays, Efrain and Maria have already bathed and cooked breakfast outside over a fire, scaled a mountainside, crossed a river, and hiked to meet the car that drives them to the church. All while I lie in bed. Now that is dedication. That is living a life of praise and honor for our Heavenly Father.
Until Sunday, when I thought of Maria I immediately thought of her hugs. Over the past year, I made a point to sit and talk with Efrain and Maria several times because Efrain can't get up and socialize, but he does love to talk. We ate together a few times after the church service. They are friendly, happy people who are nice to talk with. Whenever I think of Maria, she has a big, slightly mischievous smile on her face.
The thing that stood out most to me was Maria's hugs. Our church members greet each other with a hug. But Maria's hugs are like no other. Maria hugs you tight. And not only are her hugs tight, they also last really, really long. When Maria embraced you, you had no choice but to receive the love she shared.
Every week Maria hugged me. Every week I would hug her back for the "appropriate" amount of time. Then I would pull away. But she never let go! So I'd settle back into a hug with her again, and find myself letting go for a second time. But she was never done yet. Usually by the third hug by conscious mind kicked in and I was able to let her hug me until she was done.
After a year's worth of hugs with Maria, I never learned to just let her hug me. I always let go. I regret that now. I know hugs were important to her. I wish I had learned how to hug her back in the same loving embrace that she hugged me.
As we climbed up and down that mountain on Sunday we all talked about Maria and her long lasting hugs. We all came to respect Maria and Efrain in a new way after walking that walk, and seeing their homes.
I hope in the future I am better at receiving love when it is offered to me so freely. I hope I remember Maria on Sunday mornings as I wake up and prepare for church. Maria's love, joy, strength, dedication and obedience are exemplary of how I believe God called us to live. I want to be more like Maria.
At our church retreat last summer the kids had a piñata. They were playing around. Finally Maria said, "Let me show you how it's done!" She grabbed the stick and started whacking Minnie Mouse with such force we didn't know she had it in her! All of the adults were laughing so hard as the kids dove for the candy.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
The faith walk
Sometimes, for the sanity of my family and maybe even for myself, I have to minimize things. That's what I did in the blog I wrote two days ago.
The whole truth is that over the past 2 weeks, things have been building up in my mind. Many things have been happening which left me feeling unsafe.
None of the things happened directly to me. But I felt like all around me people were being assaulted, robbed, beaten up, tied up, threatened with death, threatened with rape... It got really overwhelming and I couldn't handle it emotionally.
You can't call your Mom and say, "Mom, I'm really upset because my friend just got tied up and threatened with death and rape while they stole from him. I'm scared because I was parked in a place I thought was safe and the next thing I knew there were military men with huge guns running everywhere. I am the only person I know at my job who hasn't been held up with a weapon and I'm scared it's just a matter of time..." Some of the things I can't even write here because I, or my friends, would be unsafe if people found out what I've written.
So what do you do?
Well, if you're me, you stuff it down inside until your brain is about to explode. Your co-workers notice that you seem scared, and tell you so, but you feel embarrassed and do nothing about it. Your best friends tell you that you seem shaken up after the "men running around with guns" incident. You can't remember any of your friends' names for a few hours after that incident, but you deny to them, and to yourself, that anything is wrong. Your shoulders and neck ache and you blame it on bad posture because you are not allowed to feel stress. You spend the whole night awake, wondering why you can't sleep, trying to remember what you ate or drank that would keep you so wide awake and nothing comes to mind. Because you didn't ingest anything. It's what's brewing in your mind that won't allow you to rest for more than 20 minutes the whole, entire night.
And that is where God steps in. (BIG sigh of relief.)
I have to confess. I have spent the past two weeks feeling scared. I stopped writing here. I stopped using Facebook. I didn't communicate with anyone from the US. Because when I feel like this if I say anything people's first response is "You need to come home!" and that is not true. I don't need to come home. But I do need to acknowledge my fear, feel my fear, and work through it.
That is what I am doing now.
Today's church service was entitled, "How scary!" (Or in Spanish "Que Miedo!" which translated literally is "What Fear!") Pastor Paysen talked about fear and how it can paralyze us, cause us to be ineffective, and lose our inner peace. Fear itself can hold us hostage. Fear was holding me hostage.
So what can we do? Well, first we have to identify the problem. I have to admit that yes, I am fearful.
That was tough. For me, it took a few weeks.
Then we have to decide if we want to be free of the problem. Do I want to let go of the fear? Or have I grown comfortable in this place - denying there is a problem, being "strong", putting up walls in a weak attempt to keep the world from seeing the truth.
My Mom knew something was up. I went from calling her every couple of days and writing almost daily, to no contact at all. All of my co-workers and friends saw through my facade. Nobody was fooled except me. I was fooling myself into believing that I was okay, when I wasn't.
We make excuses, we hide.
But today God brought everything to light. He showed me my fears. He showed me how they all built upon each other, and how my fear grew until I couldn't speak. I couldn't sleep. And I became a walking zombie that disintegrated into a puddle of tears in the middle of church today.
And you know what? That is okay!
Today I confronted those fears. I acknowledged them. I felt them. And they are really scary things! I have every right to be scared. I would be stupid if I didn't feel some sort of fear now and then. But I cannot let it paralyze me. I can't let fear make me withdraw from society. I can't let fear rob me of sleep, or tie up my tongue and hold my words hostage so I can't even remember the names of my friends.
It took a while. In fact I may not be done yet. But I am in the process of crying out those fears. And talking about them to friends and family. I'm sure I will even admit them to some of my co-workers tomorrow.
Then I will have to face reality. Am I cut out to live alongside of these things which are so scary? Can I find that delicate balance, where fear doesn't control me, yet I make wise decisions?
If I believe God called me here, which I sincerely do, then I have to figure out how much of this is in my hands and how much of it I need to turn over to Him. My mind knows the correct answer is to turn it all over to Him, but He also created us to have free will, which means I have to make my own decisions. That is where the delicate balance comes in. When does walking boldly without fear become unwise?
Today at church I cried out to God. I told him, "I don't want to walk in fear!" "I don't want to walk in fear!!" Over and over those words repeated themselves in my mind as I picturing myself outside my office at work. No matter how hard I prayed, I still felt fearful when I imagined myself there.
At the end of the service Pastor Paysen invited anyone who wanted to let go of their fears to step to the front of the church. He and Pastora Ruth both prayed over me. Pastora Ruth prayed that I would find God's peace, yet peace escaped me.
Finally, after both had prayed for me and nothing was fixed, I fell to my knees. I told God, "I can't live like this anymore! I can't walk in fear. I don't want to walk in fear!"
Suddenly, before my mind even realized what happened, I was back in front of my office. And the words in my mind quickly changed. I didn't consciously change them, but they changed. Actually ONE word changed.
I went from walking in fear to walking in FAITH.
As soon as that one word changed, a peace came over me that I haven't felt in weeks. Fear was gone. Faith took its place. Walking in faith. I will walk in faith...
I bent over and put my head to the ground, thanking God for the peace that flowed over me with His promise. All I have to do is walk in faith.
The rest of the church disappeared and I had a special time with God, praising Him and thanking Him for all He does for me and all He will do for me if I walk in faith.
I was in a daze for a while afterward. But I had a good talk with Pastor Paysen. He assured me I am back on track. Now I need to walk the walk.
Pastor Paysen also told me I should ask for your prayer. So, please keep me in prayer. I assure you, I am not in immediate danger. Things just kind of built up with lots of crazy things going on around me, and it got to me. Don't be scared for me. Just pray for God's continued protection. He has protected me for almost four years. He's not going to suddenly stop now.
Thank you for your support!
The whole truth is that over the past 2 weeks, things have been building up in my mind. Many things have been happening which left me feeling unsafe.
None of the things happened directly to me. But I felt like all around me people were being assaulted, robbed, beaten up, tied up, threatened with death, threatened with rape... It got really overwhelming and I couldn't handle it emotionally.
You can't call your Mom and say, "Mom, I'm really upset because my friend just got tied up and threatened with death and rape while they stole from him. I'm scared because I was parked in a place I thought was safe and the next thing I knew there were military men with huge guns running everywhere. I am the only person I know at my job who hasn't been held up with a weapon and I'm scared it's just a matter of time..." Some of the things I can't even write here because I, or my friends, would be unsafe if people found out what I've written.
So what do you do?
Well, if you're me, you stuff it down inside until your brain is about to explode. Your co-workers notice that you seem scared, and tell you so, but you feel embarrassed and do nothing about it. Your best friends tell you that you seem shaken up after the "men running around with guns" incident. You can't remember any of your friends' names for a few hours after that incident, but you deny to them, and to yourself, that anything is wrong. Your shoulders and neck ache and you blame it on bad posture because you are not allowed to feel stress. You spend the whole night awake, wondering why you can't sleep, trying to remember what you ate or drank that would keep you so wide awake and nothing comes to mind. Because you didn't ingest anything. It's what's brewing in your mind that won't allow you to rest for more than 20 minutes the whole, entire night.
And that is where God steps in. (BIG sigh of relief.)
I have to confess. I have spent the past two weeks feeling scared. I stopped writing here. I stopped using Facebook. I didn't communicate with anyone from the US. Because when I feel like this if I say anything people's first response is "You need to come home!" and that is not true. I don't need to come home. But I do need to acknowledge my fear, feel my fear, and work through it.
That is what I am doing now.
Today's church service was entitled, "How scary!" (Or in Spanish "Que Miedo!" which translated literally is "What Fear!") Pastor Paysen talked about fear and how it can paralyze us, cause us to be ineffective, and lose our inner peace. Fear itself can hold us hostage. Fear was holding me hostage.
So what can we do? Well, first we have to identify the problem. I have to admit that yes, I am fearful.
That was tough. For me, it took a few weeks.
Then we have to decide if we want to be free of the problem. Do I want to let go of the fear? Or have I grown comfortable in this place - denying there is a problem, being "strong", putting up walls in a weak attempt to keep the world from seeing the truth.
My Mom knew something was up. I went from calling her every couple of days and writing almost daily, to no contact at all. All of my co-workers and friends saw through my facade. Nobody was fooled except me. I was fooling myself into believing that I was okay, when I wasn't.
We make excuses, we hide.
But today God brought everything to light. He showed me my fears. He showed me how they all built upon each other, and how my fear grew until I couldn't speak. I couldn't sleep. And I became a walking zombie that disintegrated into a puddle of tears in the middle of church today.
And you know what? That is okay!
Today I confronted those fears. I acknowledged them. I felt them. And they are really scary things! I have every right to be scared. I would be stupid if I didn't feel some sort of fear now and then. But I cannot let it paralyze me. I can't let fear make me withdraw from society. I can't let fear rob me of sleep, or tie up my tongue and hold my words hostage so I can't even remember the names of my friends.
It took a while. In fact I may not be done yet. But I am in the process of crying out those fears. And talking about them to friends and family. I'm sure I will even admit them to some of my co-workers tomorrow.
Then I will have to face reality. Am I cut out to live alongside of these things which are so scary? Can I find that delicate balance, where fear doesn't control me, yet I make wise decisions?
If I believe God called me here, which I sincerely do, then I have to figure out how much of this is in my hands and how much of it I need to turn over to Him. My mind knows the correct answer is to turn it all over to Him, but He also created us to have free will, which means I have to make my own decisions. That is where the delicate balance comes in. When does walking boldly without fear become unwise?
Today at church I cried out to God. I told him, "I don't want to walk in fear!" "I don't want to walk in fear!!" Over and over those words repeated themselves in my mind as I picturing myself outside my office at work. No matter how hard I prayed, I still felt fearful when I imagined myself there.
At the end of the service Pastor Paysen invited anyone who wanted to let go of their fears to step to the front of the church. He and Pastora Ruth both prayed over me. Pastora Ruth prayed that I would find God's peace, yet peace escaped me.
Finally, after both had prayed for me and nothing was fixed, I fell to my knees. I told God, "I can't live like this anymore! I can't walk in fear. I don't want to walk in fear!"
Suddenly, before my mind even realized what happened, I was back in front of my office. And the words in my mind quickly changed. I didn't consciously change them, but they changed. Actually ONE word changed.
I went from walking in fear to walking in FAITH.
As soon as that one word changed, a peace came over me that I haven't felt in weeks. Fear was gone. Faith took its place. Walking in faith. I will walk in faith...
I bent over and put my head to the ground, thanking God for the peace that flowed over me with His promise. All I have to do is walk in faith.
The rest of the church disappeared and I had a special time with God, praising Him and thanking Him for all He does for me and all He will do for me if I walk in faith.
I was in a daze for a while afterward. But I had a good talk with Pastor Paysen. He assured me I am back on track. Now I need to walk the walk.
Pastor Paysen also told me I should ask for your prayer. So, please keep me in prayer. I assure you, I am not in immediate danger. Things just kind of built up with lots of crazy things going on around me, and it got to me. Don't be scared for me. Just pray for God's continued protection. He has protected me for almost four years. He's not going to suddenly stop now.
Thank you for your support!
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Isa's 3rd Birthday
 |
| Isabela! |
 |
 |
| Fany is pretty |
 |
| The ladies and our rock star |
 |
 |
| Erika and Marjory |
 |
| Homemade chocolate cake got rave reviews! |
 |
 |
| Samuel wanted his picture with the princesses |
 |
| Ana and her family - minus Isa because she refused to be in any photos without me (not normally, but that was her mood today) |
I am contemplating...
Clogged sinuses have me sleeping every moment that I am not working, so excuse my absence. Plus I've been contemplating something and I didn't want to write about it while I was still in the midst of contemplation.
This week I've been in the consultorio (field office) with the psychologists every day. We are working on preparing programs for the year to come. Turns out, I can be quite helpful in this, as I have experience in group therapy from working with the sex offenders and doing wilderness therapy. The things I learned in both of those places are coming in really handy this week. I am grateful that the therapists are open and happy to hear my ideas! So far, they've implemented everything I've offered!
It's been nice sitting around in an office setting with my co-workers. I have the opportunity to get to know them on a deeper level than when we are in the field, or working on a project.
For the past 8 days I have been thinking a lot about my personal safety. I come and go to the field office by car and I can park right in front of the building. But my co-workers have to walk a block to catch the bus.
The first day I noticed that my co-worker tucked the back part of my necklace into my shirt when we went two doors down to get ice cream. I never thought about tucking the back of my necklace into my shirt. I had only thought about the front.
That night as we were all getting ready to leave they discussed how much they dislike the walk to the bus stop. They all walk together, but they still feel unsafe. Then they talked about the actual bus ride and all of the things they look out for while they are on the bus. Every one of them has been robbed numerous times.
Two weeks ago at my church, one of my favorite young couples was leaving with their daughter. A motorcycle pulled up out of nowhere. The driver put a gun to my friend's head and a woman jumped off the back and told them to hand over their cell phones. They were literally a couple of steps outside of the church.
We have a guard, but what can a guard do in that situation? It all happens so fast. He is an old man with a machete, but even a younger man with a gun couldn't do much.
The guard told me that I cannot bring a purse or my camera to church from now on. There I was with a backpack full of stuff for my class with Pastora Ruth, my purse, and my camera. I felt very foolish and naive.
Then listening to my friends talk about all the things they are careful for in the streets, on the buses and in taxis, made me feel ill prepared to live in Tegucigalpa. It is clearly for the grace of God that I have not been assaulted.
So I am trying to come to terms with the fact that statistics show, it will happen to me one day too. I have been advised by my co-workers that I must carry a cheap cell phone with me when I go into the field. They say that the robbers are not looking for cash, they want phones. And they get really mad if you don't have one. People have been shot for not having a phone. So my theory of keeping a little cash was wrong.
Yesterday we had a birthday party for one of my co-workers. They like posed photos more than natural ones. Today we are celebrating Isa's birtday - more photos to come!
This week I've been in the consultorio (field office) with the psychologists every day. We are working on preparing programs for the year to come. Turns out, I can be quite helpful in this, as I have experience in group therapy from working with the sex offenders and doing wilderness therapy. The things I learned in both of those places are coming in really handy this week. I am grateful that the therapists are open and happy to hear my ideas! So far, they've implemented everything I've offered!
It's been nice sitting around in an office setting with my co-workers. I have the opportunity to get to know them on a deeper level than when we are in the field, or working on a project.
For the past 8 days I have been thinking a lot about my personal safety. I come and go to the field office by car and I can park right in front of the building. But my co-workers have to walk a block to catch the bus.
The first day I noticed that my co-worker tucked the back part of my necklace into my shirt when we went two doors down to get ice cream. I never thought about tucking the back of my necklace into my shirt. I had only thought about the front.
That night as we were all getting ready to leave they discussed how much they dislike the walk to the bus stop. They all walk together, but they still feel unsafe. Then they talked about the actual bus ride and all of the things they look out for while they are on the bus. Every one of them has been robbed numerous times.
Two weeks ago at my church, one of my favorite young couples was leaving with their daughter. A motorcycle pulled up out of nowhere. The driver put a gun to my friend's head and a woman jumped off the back and told them to hand over their cell phones. They were literally a couple of steps outside of the church.
We have a guard, but what can a guard do in that situation? It all happens so fast. He is an old man with a machete, but even a younger man with a gun couldn't do much.
The guard told me that I cannot bring a purse or my camera to church from now on. There I was with a backpack full of stuff for my class with Pastora Ruth, my purse, and my camera. I felt very foolish and naive.
Then listening to my friends talk about all the things they are careful for in the streets, on the buses and in taxis, made me feel ill prepared to live in Tegucigalpa. It is clearly for the grace of God that I have not been assaulted.
So I am trying to come to terms with the fact that statistics show, it will happen to me one day too. I have been advised by my co-workers that I must carry a cheap cell phone with me when I go into the field. They say that the robbers are not looking for cash, they want phones. And they get really mad if you don't have one. People have been shot for not having a phone. So my theory of keeping a little cash was wrong.
Yesterday we had a birthday party for one of my co-workers. They like posed photos more than natural ones. Today we are celebrating Isa's birtday - more photos to come!
 |
| The front of the consultorio - with a public bus passing (All yellow buses are public transportation here, schools use different colors) I couldn't stand out front with the camera |
 |
 |
| My friend who was approved for the visa to visit the US! and her mom who sings rancheras |
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
No hiccups
What a peaceful day! The morning began with time in the bible and prayer. I have several friends traveling today. Each of them were on my heart.
One friend is returning to Honduras after visiting her husband in Florida since November. I can't imagine how she feels. I am guessing that part of her is happy to come back to her home and her mother in Honduras. But saying goodbye to her husband must be so difficult!
Also, the team from Ohio/Arizona is traveling back to the US today. I thought about them all day yesterday as they spent their last day serving. And last night as they enjoyed their final night in Honduras. Today as I was cooking, I prayed out loud for them. The Holy Spirit led me to pray for a trip "without hiccups" for them, which I thought was a funny way to pray.
This morning I talked to Erika. Her boyfriend asked me yesterday if I could give him money. Erika never asks for money. I prayed about it overnight and I decided that I do want to help him, but I only wanted to help him in the form of a loan. So we were able to work out a payment plan that is feasible for him, and fine for me. I made it clear to Erika that this loan is between her boyfriend and me. It should never, ever effect my relationship with her.
The last time I gave a loan it was to a person in the US. They didn't pay me a penny. But I decided before I agreed to the loan that if I loan someone money, I need to be okay with never seeing a cent of it.
Erika's boyfriend really does need this money. I liked the fact that he was honest about how he is going to spend it. It is for a good cause, although he might not believe that I would think so. I hope that I can help him. If he doesn't pay me back, I lost $25 and I learned not to lend him money again.
Yesterday I found out that Erika and her "in-laws", as she calls them, have not been able to attend church recently. They had a bus that picked them up and took them to and from the church twice per week. But the bus is not running now.
I also learned that Erika was going to have Marjory baptized in her parents' church. I asked if she really believes the same way her parents believe. She said no, she doesn't. She has never attended her parents' church but her parents really want Marjory to be baptized. I can see both sides.
I prayed about how to approach this topic. I surely don't want to disrespect Erika's family or their religion. At the same time, I wanted Erika to understand all of the facts about baptism from her parents' church's point of view and also from the church she attends viewpoint. I did my very best to be unbiased and without judgement.
Yesterday when we finished talking, it seemed that Marjory would be like me, baptized as a baby before she can really decide for herself. And that is okay. I chose to be baptized again when I accepted Christ as my Savior. That worked out fine for me.
Today I asked Erika what time I should come to the baptism and she told me she is having second thoughts. I told her to let me know. I will support her in any choice she makes. She has not met with a priest yet, so I have a feeling it won't happen this weekend.
In the meantime, for the first time, I feel called to invite her and her "in-laws" to attend my church if they would like. In all of this time, I have never felt like I should push Erika to attend any church service at all.
Just now, as I was writing, I stopped to call and invite Erika and the family to visit my church this weekend. We'll see what happens. She seemed happy and excited. But I do understand that they have their own church. This would just be a visit.
So, I spent part of the morning in prayer, part with Erika and her family, then I came home to cook and clean. I am a crazy nester lately. Maybe because of the cold whether. All I want to do is cook and settle in at home. Today I am making spicy sausage, bean and brown rice soup with lots of veggies.
I hope Erika will come to church with me on Sunday.
Safe travels friends from Ohio! May you and your luggage arrive with no "hiccups".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)