I am going to the dermatologist Friday morning. Hopefully I can get some advice about why all of my hair is falling out. Changing water did not help at all, although I am still using the bottled water until I talk to the Dr, just to give it more time. It sounds so silly to be anxious over hair. I know there are many more important things in life. But every time I comb it, the comb is full of hair. When I wash it, the drain is full of hair. My house is full of hair. My clothes are covered in hair. Day by day, my head has less and less hair.
Lourdes had to help Joss this morning so Marlin and I were on our own at the Breakfast Program. I must say, it couldn't have gone better. Most of the kids didn't have school, so we didn't have to rush. I read Rosie the Hen to the kids in my class. It is a book my Mom read to me when I was a child. The book was in English so I told the kids ahead of time that I might need some help. Turns out they don't know the Spanish word for henhouse or beehive either, but they still loved the book. They all laid on the floor while I read.
Since that was working well - no poking or running around, I asked them to stay in that position for prayer. They were a little confused at first, but I think I'll do that more often. We had 11 kids today - a smaller group than usual. Five of them chose to pray out loud. I am so proud of them for this. They pray for their families, for anyone who is not at the Breakfast Program that day, for any friends/family who are sick, for the program itself and give thanks for the hands that prepared the food and for another day of life. Pretty awesome for 3-5 year olds!
We had a new girl. She came with no pants. Marlin saw her first and asked her big sister why she had no pants. The sister said she had urinated in them before they left home. Marlin spoke sternly (which is awesome, because she is finally speaking up!) and told the older sister never to bring the little girl out of the house with no pants. She can wear a dress or another pair of pants, but this is not acceptable. Poor little girl ran around in her undies all day. Luckily she did not have another accident while she was with us.
Last night I was thinking about the fact that I have now been here six months. I thought about how it is different from what I expected and what my goals might be for the next six months. I felt like the things I know to be my personal strengths are not being used. It seemed a waste. I planned to talk to Lourdes and Jairo about how they could use me more effectively, taking advantage of my experience and gifts. Then I received an email from my home office. It is a monthly study guide, but this month it was about gifts and talents - and why it is more important to follow God's lead than to always rely on your own gifts and talents. Couldn't have come at a better time!
The study guide even concluded with my favorite piece of scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take." I love this because it takes all of the pressure off me to figure out what in the world I should be doing. All I have to do is seek the Lord and He will take it from there. Easier said than done, but when you are doing it, this can be really incredible!
I did talk to Lourdes and Jairo about the way I felt last night and the study guide I received today. We talked about plans for the future. Lourdes wants me to start a conversational English group on Tuesdays. It will be announced at church next week. People will be asked to make donations to the church. We thought of 5 people right away who we know are interested.
Jairo talked to me about the fact that I can think of things as tasks to check off a list, or I can see the fact that we are fulfilling the church's mission statement (Change your manner of thinking to change your manner of living) through what we do at the Breakfast Program. He rattled off about 15 ways we are changing the lives of the kids on Los Pinos, giving them opportunities they never would be offered and also, teaching them to DREAM. Not to think about surviving for today, but to dream big about their futures and all that they can be. These are things that other kids who are on the streets instead of at the Breakfast Program never learn.
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| Junior pretending he is shy |
They are learning social skills, such as please and thank you, not to spit on the floor of the church or throw their chicken bones there, not to fight or use bad words, how to stand in a line (still a work in progress), how to clean themselves, how to brush their teeth and comb their hair and cover their mouth when they cough - we are still working on that one too. They learn how to dress appropriately and feel good about themselves. They learn to respect themselves and others. They learn gratitude and not to physically fight for what they want. They learn that education is important and can help you do bigger things in your life. Of course they learn about God.
Jairo said to me, "You read the paper. You see what is happening. Today three young people decapitated, an 86 yr old woman bound and killed, death is everywhere. Their parents don't have hope. But we can change this country through these kids. They are the hope for this country. And you are helping to change them!" It was awesome to think about it that way.
I have had a few days lately where I felt like things were starting to fall into a routine. I wondered if I might get bored and feel unchallenged in the months to come. But how can I ever get bored if we are constantly molding and sculpting the future of this country? Every single interaction with every child matters. For a few days, maybe even a few weeks, I have been "checking off the list" as Jairo said. I never want to do that again. I want to seek the Lord with all my heart and see how He chooses to use me. Check lists are boring.
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