More Fires on the Mountain

Yesterday was the first time I thought to myself, "Maybe I am not cut out for this."  Are we supposed to have favorite kids?  I don't know.  I care about them all, but I do have some kids that I connect with best.  Those are my favorites.

Bismar has been special to me since I visited for three months in 2009.  He turned 13 that summer.  I got to celebrate his birthday with him.  We also went to a concert with a group from the church.  Everyone else sat at the back, but Bismar and Mainor were so small that they could not see, so I told them to follow me and we made it all of the way up to the front, up against the stage.  It was a Christian band and there was a time of prayer.  I wrote about it in this same blog that day.  A girl who was standing next to Bismar turned to him and told him that he is important and loved by God.  She prayed over him for about five minutes and the things she said brought him to tears.  It was a very special moment which I felt honored to share.  It was so cool to see an older girl tell a little boy from Los Pinos about God's love for him and that he is special.

Since I knew Bismar, I already knew that he was special.  There is something undeniably special about Bismar.  I know God has big plans for him.  Bismar has been at the private school, El Sembrador, longer than any other student from our church.  He gets straight A's and the highest grades in the school.  He works hard at everything he does.  He wakes at 5 a.m., goes outdoors (so as not to disturb his roommates) and reads his bible until breakfast.

Bismar is now 16.  He came home from school on Wednesday.  The school sent him home because there was something wrong with his eye.  Bismar said that the week before on Wednesday he lost sight in his right eye.  He saw flashing lights, had headaches and was dizzy.  The school nurse put drops in his eye and told him to rest.  Bismar didn't understand what was happening and was scared.  We tried to get him seen by an eye doctor here, but she never came into the office Wednesday so they returned on Thursday where they waited for hours to be told by the opthomologist that nothing was wrong with his eye.

He was even more scared when the eye dr couldn't tell him what was wrong.  So was I.  I thought of an 18 year old boy I worked with in Chicago who had the same symptoms.  He had a brain tumor.  When they told me that nothing was wrong with Bismar's eye, but that he needed to see a neurologist I went into one of the classrooms at the church, locked the door, and cried.  As I cried I sent out a letter asking for prayer from my prayer team.  I talked to Lourdes and Jairo.  They both thought the same as I did.  We believed something was growing in Bismar's brain and pinching an optic nerve.  I was so scared.  The symptoms were the same as the boy from Chicago.  I didn't know how I could face that again.  Yet I knew that God has big plans for Bismar.  I knew that Bismar could not end up blind, unable to use the left side of his body, with aphasia that stole his words and memory.  That would not be the future for Bismar.

Wednesday night and Thursday Jairo and Eunice called every contact they have, trying to get a brain scan for Bismar.  They wanted the scan so they could show it to the neurologist at a 4:30 appointment on Thursday.  But they were not able to arrange for a scan until Saturday morning.  I thought the neurologist would charge us for his time and tell us to come back with the results from the scan, but I kept praying.  So did many, many people.

I was still upset and wondering if maybe I am not cut out to be a missionary in Honduras as we drove home on Wednesday. I was trying to be positive, but it was hard.  However, once I got home I had the strangest sense of complete peace.  I stayed up until 1 a.m. praying, but it was not because I couldn't sleep.  It was because I felt God asking me to talk to Him, to tell Him what I wanted from this situation, to confide in Him.  I woke up at 6 a.m. and prayed more.  Once again, it was not a prayer of desperation.  It was more of a conversation.  I was talking to God with a deep inner peace about the outcome of the day ahead.

We got to the appointment at 4:00, hoping to be first to see the doctor.  I didn't know the doctor came to his office yesterday for the sole purpose of seeing Bismar.  We waited until 6 for the Dr to arrive.  He asked a lot of questions, but the final diagnosis was one I never have heard of before.  Bismar got some sort of infection.  Possibly allergies or a virus.  We may never know.  The antibodies which are fighting the infection are attacking the optic nerves and damaging the nerves, causing all of those symptoms.  The doctor prescribed medication and bed rest.  Now we just have to pray that Bismar will regain full vision in his right eye.  PRAISE GOD!

This morning I got to the church and immediately got to work writing emails to my prayer team.  (The internet at my house hasn't been working lately.)  As I wrote I heard a sound that was like crackling tin foil.  Don Juan came into the office and said, "It is very close."  I didn't know what he was talking about and was focused on sharing the good news with everyone praying for Bismar.  After I signed the letter I decided to add a P.S.  I asked my prayer team to pray for the fires in Honduras.  Then I closed my laptop and went outside to see this:

More fires at the church

Although I had been sitting in the room on the left where only the tops of four windows are shown, I was so deep in thought I didn't realize the cracking tin foil was a fire.  It was not nearly as scary this time.  Luis, who has buckets of water in the photo, had spent hours with Don Juan cutting down and raking all of the dead grass two weeks ago when we had the fire across the street.  Therefore, this one did not burn like it could have.  Also the wind was not strong.  It flared up in little bursts until it left behind nothing but dirt.  Now the ground looks like the ground that burned all around my house.  Of course it is never safe to have a fire near the buildings, but this time it was more controlled.

On the way to the church today we saw the biggest fires we have seen so far.  They filled a valley and were climbing the mountains near where we live.  We are praying for rain as well as healing for Bismar's eye.  I think I am cut out to be a missionary in Honduras.  I just need to give myself some room for grace because sometimes it is not easy.

Yesterday morning as I was praying I pulled out my devotional.  It read:

Let me help you through this day.  The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone.  You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face.  This awareness opens up a choice: to doggedly go it alone or to walk with Me in humble steps of dependence.  Actually, this choice is continually before you, but difficulties highlight the decision-making process.  So, consider it all a joy whenever you are enveloped in various trials.  These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone.

March 7, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young