Refreshed

I thought yesterday was going to be my day to relax, but you know how it goes.  Sometimes the days that you have "free" are the busiest.  I washed and hung 3 loads of clothes by 1 pm and soaked beans to cook overnight.  Then I picked up Belinda and we went to the church to get some things for my friend Marlin.  She is normally the cook at the Breakfast Program, but when she went to a Dr appt on Friday they hospitalized her.  She is 30 weeks pregnant and she has lupus, so it is a high risk pregnancy.  She used to have very swollen feet.  Now her feet are no longer swollen, but she lost 10 pounds and is very anemic.  She said she vomits every time she tries to eat.

Marlin is not staying at the same hospital where I served when I came to Honduras the first time with my church from the US.  She is staying in a worse one.  I brought her sheets, but never thought she would need a pillow to put inside the pillow case.  We gave her a towel, shampoo, soap, deodorant, a comb, toothbrush, toothpaste, juice, milk boxes and some snacks in case she might eat any of them.  We even had to bring water and toilet paper.  The hospital does not provide either.

Marlin is frustrated because she is being seen by practitioners.  She said she never sees a doctor.  (I have nothing against practitioners, but I can understand her frustration in this situation.)  She squirmed around a lot, clearly uncomfortable and in some pain.  She said the pain was a lot worse yesterday.  She has a horrible cough and some other sort of infection in her stomach which is the cause of the pain.  She is getting intravenous antibiotics but is not on a full time IV, which surprised me since she said she has not eaten since Thursday.  But I'm not a doctor.

To me she looked okay.  She was lying down when we first got there, but in all of her squirming she ended up sitting.  Marlin's bed was horribly lumpy.  I think even if she hadn't been in pain it would have been uncomfortable.  I brought bright orange sheets.  I hope they serve to lift her spirits.

We talked for a while, assured her that her two kids are well cared for, prayed together and left.  I don't know when I'll be able to go back to see her.  It was the saddest thing - outside the gates were tons of people.  For some reason they weren't allowed inside.  Belinda said that the hospital gets too full of visitors, so they just stop letting people in.  People were crying and fighting with the guards, but the guards stood firm.  Belinda also said that the hospital has recently become affiliated with the university so there have been changes in regulations because of that affiliation.  In any case a lot of people did not get to visit their loved ones.

Belinda and I had to be sneaky.  She has a card that she got from a job in the past.  I think she used to sell meds or something.  Anyway, we went around to the employee entrance.  Belinda gave me all of the bags we brought for Marlin and did some sweet talking.  Then I was allowed in as her burro, carrying everything for her.  We had to go to the 4th floor.  At each level guards questioned us and seemed about ready to shoo us out.  We told Marlin that Belinda got in with her card and I got in with my smile.  :)  But walking past all of those people at the gates who weren't allowed to come in hurt my heart.

The hospital is the same one where I visited Clara when I had a migraine and I threw up out the window and all over the hallway full of people.  I got a headache again this time on the car ride to the hospital, but I stopped and got some coffee for the caffeine and took some ibuprofen.  I was fine.  The maternity part is less crowded and more calm.  People were sleeping in the halls (maybe because if they left they couldn't get back in?).

Tomorrow Clara will be checked in too.  I am not totally clear as to why but there are several things going on with her.  She has placenta praevia and also she has to get another chemotherapy treatment.  Clara and her husband both have to sign papers that say they understand that they are risking Clara's life and the life of the baby when she gets checked in tomorrow.  That would be difficult.

I sat with Clara today at church.  She looks really great - healthy and pretty.  Her hair is growing back in thick, short curls.  But these treatments can sometimes knock her for a loop.  She told me she is nervous, but I also know she is trusting in God.  Clara has been very strong through the whole fight with leukemia, and now with this pregnancy too.  I have never seen her falter, although she says she does sometimes.

Last night after visiting Marlin we went to Belinda's house to paint.  Belinda has moved everything into Lourdes and Jairo's house.  The jovenes (teen) group painted but since they are not professional painters they went through the paint much more quickly than Belinda hoped/expected.

On the way home I stopped at the fruit stand up the street and bought every vegetable that looked good.  I came home and made the yummiest stir fry ever.  I was wishing I had someone to share it with because it turned out so delicious.  But I also realized most people like a some meat in their stir fry, so maybe it was meant just for me.  I was cooking up a storm.  I made some re-fried beans in the crock pot and cooked them through the night so my house smelled yummy this morning.  Then I let them cool during church and bagged them up to be frozen as soon as I got home.  I eat a lot of beans.

Jairo's message today was about being "refreshed" in your relationship with God.  He talked about being religious, going through rituals, vs. in relationship which is growing and being refreshed each day.  At one point he called people who would like to come forward to take the risk and say "Here I am God.  Use me." and refresh their relationship with God.

I had a real inner struggle going on.  Now it seems laughable.  I knew I was supposed to go forward, but three things were holding me back.  One was that I didn't want to seem weak.  I thought that if I went forward someone might think that I wasn't already offering myself to be used by God.  Now, I know that is NOT a reason to stay in my seat if God was calling me to come forward so I prayed about it some more.  Then I realized that I had on really high heels.  What if I had trouble walking to the front?  Would kneeling at the alter be harder in high heels?  (Let me tell you, the enemy can find all sorts of ways into your mind!)  My other thought which was not of God was that people in the congregation might think I was going to the front for show.  I sat and prayed as Jairo spoke and called people to give themselves over and refresh their lives in God.  I knew that I had just come from a time of beautiful encounters with God while I was in Costa Rica.  I saw His hand in everything there.  I also know that I didn't want that to fade away.  I want to keep walking close by His side.

Finally I stood up before I realized what I was doing and walked to the front.  I prayed that God will continue to show me His way and use me as He wishes.  And I thanked him for all He has done for me and the people around me.  My God is not only good.  He is mighty and powerful.  I am so grateful to have Him.