Back in Honduras

Fany was standing outside the door at the airport, waiting for me. I almost didn't see her because they came to pick me up in the car her husband has been working on for about 6 months. It's finally ready! She was standing right in front of me and I looked over her head, searching for my car, until she reached out and grabbed me.

I almost missed my flight from Denver to Miami last night. The line at security was horrible. Like, an hour and 45 minutes long, horrible. People around me stood in line as their boarding time came and passed, then their flight departed, and they still hadn't made it through security. Hundreds and hundreds of people went nowhere due to lack of TSA staff.

I made it to the gate 8 minutes after my flight was first due to leave, but I had learned as I got in the car to go to the airport that my flight was a half hour late. I was one of the few people in that line who actually caught my flight, only because my flight was postponed.

Looking back, I can't pick out one specific best moment from my trip. I loved seeing my friends in Chicago for the first time in 20 years. Skiing with my nephews for the first time was awesome! Serving at the food pantry with my Mom was fun. Watching the snow fall and sledding at my brother's house was perfect. My friend Jody set up a surprise that was very special in Salt Lake. I had a great time at my favorite Indian restaurant in Salt Lake with friends and Ethiopian food with Mom in Denver. Yes, Ethiopian food with Mom was definitely a highlight. The food was the best Ethiopian I've ever had, the place was super cute, and it was a nice, quiet, relaxing time with Mom.

After spending this afternoon unpacking and settling in, it's finally sinking in that I am back in Honduras. This visit was the longest I've spent in the US. I got used to speaking English and flushing my TP. I am really happy to be back home, but I'd love one more hug with my Mom or one more snuggle with Jack.

Tomorrow I'll get back into the swing of things, but for today I am still holding on to special moments with family and friends in the US.

Preparing for goodbyes

Last week turned into a blur. After skiing with Jack on Monday I came home with a nasty sore throat. Tuesday and Wednesday I did nothing but sleep. On Christmas Eve I felt well enough to get out of bed and wrap presents. By Christmas Day I was almost back to normal.

We had a wonderful Christmas. The kids opened presents. My brother and I watched the very last Grateful Dead show, which he received as a Christmas gift. He did a bunch of updates on my computer. Then we had a dinner of ham and turkey. For the first time in my life, I really enjoyed ham. Jack is not normally a huge eater, but he had four servings!

I spent Christmas night with my brother and his family. The adults stayed up late, talking and watching a movie. Saturday we went to see Star Wars in 3D at an Imax. Normally I would not care about seeing Star Wars, but the boys were really excited so that made it fun. Mom was sure it would give them nightmares, but they seemed fine.

When we got home from seeing Star Wars Mom learned that her close friend, who recently had a stroke, was back in the hospital after suffering seizures while she was alone in her apartment. Mom took in her friend's dog for the rest of the day, while I went to visit the Rice's for the afternoon.

Today is Sunday. One more night in the US, and then I head back to Honduras. I always get a little (okay, more than a little) anxious at this point. It's hard for me to fully enjoy the last few days with goodbyes looming in the future.

Constantly saying goodbye is probably the hardest part of being a missionary. Sometime it feels like my life is a series of goodbyes. Teams come to visit. At first they are strangers. But after serving together, a bond develops that is not possible to create under other circumstances. Then they leave. In the beginning you message each other. Time passes, memories fade, and soon you struggle to picture the face of someone who once was so close.

Missionaries who worked side by side with you for months, or years, are called back the the US. Despite good intentions, we will probably never see each other again. The missionary field can be a transient place.

When it comes to family, goodbyes are even harder. Visits to the US are bitter sweet. Don't get me wrong. Each visit is a huge blessing and not something I take for granted. But the process is not easy. First there are the goodbyes to my home in Honduras. Leaving behind the people and the life I love, missing holidays with the people who share my everyday life, is not easy. I worry about many of them when I am gone. I miss my friends and my church. A lot.

This is not a complaint. Just sharing some feelings and insight into the life of a missionary.

Visits to the US are wonderful, but saying goodbye to family is the worst. Knowing I will miss milestones, or just the day-to-day stuff in my nephews' lives hurts. Seeing photos on Facebook is not the same. Knowing my Mom (though she is healthy and strong, PRAISE GOD) will not be around forever makes each goodbye more difficult.

I even think about the fact that I will not be the same person the next time my family sees me. Those changes become more obvious the longer we are apart.

Visits to the US are a gift, wrapped with a bow of goodbyes. Each person I am blessed to see is also another goodbye. I spend the last days of my time in the US dreading those final goodbyes.

I try hard to focus on the fact that we are blessed to spend this time together. Before I became a missionary, my family and I didn't get this much quality time together. So it really is an exceptional gift.

I just hate saying goodbye.

Seeing Mr. Meyers

Wednesday we skied with Joey:

He started out in tethers with Bob

But after a good lunch

He refused to ski with the tethers. So we forced him to learn how to slow down.

Then this happened...

Hahaha! That still cracks me up! But it's a part of skiing.

We all came home tired. Joey skied until they closed the mountain. Jack had school, so he couldn't go. But he came down to Nonny's house to play Uno with me that night.

Yesterday I helped Mom at the food pantry for her church. We didn't have many visitors, but we had a good time with the people we did serve. Everyone got a huge bag of food to make a turkey dinner. About half of the people spoke only Spanish. I wondered if they will really ever use the stuff for a turkey dinner. Most of my Honduran friends don't like turkey. Or at least they think they don't. It's hard to find turkey, even as sandwich meat, so they don't eat turkey. The Mexican population here that I talked to seemed equally unenthused.

There were some toys on the table and everyone got to chose a gift for each of their kids. It worked out perfectly, with every parent finding something they knew their kids would like or need.


In the afternoon I went to my violin teacher's house. He turned 90 on December 10th. He is smart as can be, but his body is failing. Man it is hard to see people failing. When I first met him in January 2009, he still lived at home and gave violin lessens in his basement, climbing up and down the basement steps. Now he can't walk one step without holding on tightly for balance. But the conversation is still wonderful. We talk about everything. Politics, God, music, books... This year he told me he doesn't want to talk about the past because the memories take his mind back to a place where he feels sad. We shed a few tears together. I enjoyed his company with all of my heart.

I asked, can I take a picture of us?
He said, "You mean a selfie?"

Mr. Meyer's cat, Honey

Yesterday I went home and basked in the love that Mr. Meyers shared with me. I pray I will see him again, here on earth. If not, I pray that one day I will join him in heaven.

If you are a longtime reader, you have read about Mr. Meyers before. The first time was on October 8th 2013, when he was no longer in his house and I located him in this same assisted living home where he was today. That is worth going back to read, if you have a moment. Mr. Meyers is a friend like none other and a special gift from God.

Today was full of errands. I got a Colorado driver's license. My Utah license expires in November 2016 and as of now, it looks like funding will not allow me to return to the US next summer. So that is taken care of in advance.

We did some grocery shopping and went to the bank. All of those exciting things. I got a new kind of yogurt I have never tried before. It's pumpkin flavor.

Tonight Mom and I are going to Sweet Tomatoes to eat with my brother and his family. I don't really like to eat there. Especially since I am trying to diet. I always like to feel like I get my money's worth at a place like that, which is dangerous to my waistband.

Yesterday I bought a Starbucks coffee for the first time in years and years. I chose a medium decaf peppermint mocha - however you say that in Starbucksian. After paying almost $5 I could no longer enjoy it. That is just too much, in my opinion, for a cup of coffee. I started thinking about the people who go there every day. Wow. I refilled the cup with water and used it all day, trying to get my money's worth. I'll never go to Starbucks again. No judgement if Starbucks is your thing. It's just not mine.

Winter snow in SLC and Denver

My final day in Salt Lake was Sunday. I went to church with my hosts, then was swept away for a special surprise with a good friend and her family. We had a great afternoon with lots of laughs.

In the evening I went out with my hosts again. I finally got the chance to spend some time with them over this week and get to know them. They are both super cool people. They took me to my two favorite places in SLC during my stay. Plus I had Ethiopian twice! All of my kind friends want to fill me up on my favorite things while I'm in the US. Let's just say I am not losing any weight.

Sunday night the winds picked up and a storm blew in. By Monday morning, my friend couldn't even get to my hosts' home to pick me up! Traffic was a mess and the roads were slick. My hosts brought me down to a grocery store parking lot where they handed me off to another friend and he got me safely to the airport.

Good thing he was thinking ahead. If he hadn't been, I could have missed my flight. There were a lot of people sprinting through the airport yesterday morning.

Tons of cars were off the road, or stuck in the middle of the road. We drove slowly and carefully.

At one point my friend told me to look in my rearview mirror. A big pickup came barreling up behind us and passed us on the right. He was going insanely fast. A half mile later we pulled up on that same pickup. He had rear ended another truck. His whole front end was smashed up the windshield. What a shame.

I arrived in Denver safely and spent the evening decorating my Mom's Christmas tree with my nephews. They are so funny! Jack put all of the snowmen in little clumps, face to face, on one part of the tree "so they can hang out together".

Joe said, "I love you snowman," with hugs and kisses

 Great Grandma's Christmas village.
The boys set it up, then "a storm" (them) comes and knocks it over

Mom started to have a fit because all of the decorations were on one side of the tree, but when I explained that it was purposeful, we left it that way.

The snowmen "hanging out"

A little clumpy, but special!

After dinner I played Tic Tac Toe with Jack and Joey. They beat me more than I beat them. Jack was dying to play Uno with me, but it was time to go home.

The Utah storm blew into Denver last night. For the second day in a row, I woke up to a world blanketed in white. Flights in and out of Denver are cancelled. I am so blessed I made it here yesterday!

My brother and I are talking about skiing. We are not sure if we want to take the boys, which means that we wouldn't really be able to ski, or if we want to take off and go ourselves. One way or another, skiing is the plan for tomorrow.

Today I am writing Christmas cards and sending out my monthly news letter, which will be a week late. Perfect stuff for a snowy day in Colorado.

An afternoon in SLC

Every time I come to the US, I always make a stop in Salt Lake. Most of my close friends are there. It's the place that feels like home to me. Each time I return I expect that this time I'll have been gone so long that no place in the US feels like home. Thankfully, Salt Lake always surprises me. It welcomes me back with its beautiful weather, gorgeous scenery and loving people.

In the past I have booked every second of my time in SLC full, making the rounds to visit all of my friends and supporters. But this time I did things differently. Instead of racing all over, I decided to spend one afternoon in a coffee shop and let people come to me.

It was a little bit intimidating to actually follow through with my brilliant idea. What if nobody came? Would people be too busy during the holidays to come see me? I had to let go of my ego, or lack thereof, and put it into God's hands.

The people came!

There were two people with whom I didn't get to share an in-depth conversation. But otherwise it worked out fine. And it made this trip SO much more relaxing.

I intended to get photos of everyone but was so busy catching up that I forgot. But I did get some great photos of the jazz quartet!

These lovely ladies came to see me!

3/4 of the quartet

Now that is talent

One side of the restaurant was much younger than I
But the jazz quartet drew a different crowd

Sleeping? Or concentrating on the music?

He was awake. And turns out he is a talented drummer!

Cloudy in the mountains, sunny in the valley.
I ♥ SLC!

Visits with friends in SLC

I am still feeling overwhelmed by the experience of seeing my former coworkers. If you had asked before the visit, I would have said that I didn't care about seeing any of them except my former boss. So glad I was wrong! It is nice to realize what an impact people have in your life, even if it was a little late. Today I am still thinking about that awesome crew. But no, I don't want to go back to work there. I love what I am doing in Honduras too much!

Today I met with some people who have unofficially mentored me since I became Christian. They have loved me in my ignorance, and through the good and bad. I've never felt judged by them, though they made it clear when they thought I was off track. I appreciate people like that!

My friends with their gift from Honduras
hand made by the kids where I serve

Then I met with another friend for lunch. We had Ethiopian food and talked for hours. Due to unfortunate circumstances, she is basically homeless right now. Her Mom is providing a roof over her head until Monday. She is educated and smart, kind, caring and hard working but she can't afford a place to live.

Thankfully, she teaches English to the kids of the restaurant owners, so neither of us paid for lunch. We weren't allowed. We spent hours just talking and talking about everything. I enjoy our friendship a lot because we have different backgrounds and even different religions, but we have a respect and love for each other that transcends those differences. I never get bored talking with her.

After lunch I looked around for gym shoes for Laura. Fany called me in a panic. About a month ago she was asked to host an event at her house. The event is tomorrow. This afternoon the people called to say they do not want anyone to use disposable dishes or utensils. So Fany is having a nervous breakdown trying to come up with enough plates to feed everyone. There are 30 people! I told her she should tell everyone to bring their own plate if they want to have rules like that.

I looked around for gym shoes for Laura and ended up finding some cute black shoes that I hope she can wear with her uniform. Fany is using the money she earns from taking care of my cat to enroll Laura in school in February. Laura is so excited!

I also got to talk to Ana and her family. I was smothered with "I love you's" and could hardly hear what Ana was saying. Can't wait to see them when I get back to Honduras.

Speaking of phone calls, Erika called me yesterday! I was shocked. Usually she calls me collect when I am in Honduras. I never expected her to call me in the US. She said she figured my US phone didn't have her phone number (which is correct) so she wanted to be sure I had it.

The strangest thing has happened. Since I got to the US, almost every single day someone from my work or from my old church (or both) have sent me a friend request on Facebook. I think my coworkers miss me! That is a nice feeling - to know I am not forgotten.

This evening I had dinner with my friend Heather. She is one of my dearest friends. And one of the busiest. I cherish every moment I get with her and I know the feeling is mutual. Time in Salt Lake is flying by too quickly. I love this place.

Christmas Party

It just keeps getting better! Today I had kind of a chance of a lifetime. I was invited to attend the Christmas party at the place where I used to work before I moved to Honduras.

That's a big deal because it is held inside of the facility which has a lot of privacy laws because they work with sex offenders who are between 12-21. Usually people need to pass a background check just to get in.

It was more fun than I ever imagined. I worked there from 2007 - 2012. These are the people who watched me first start attending church in 2007, then go on my first mission trip in 2008, then take time off to live in Honduras for three months in 2009, then return to the US and spend years aching to live in Honduras from 2009 until I finally left in 2012.

It's a really tough job - the toughest job I ever had besides being a missionary. We worked long hours because it doesn't pay much. Overtime pay is how we survived, so we were together more than we were at home. It formed a bond that I had never seen clearly until today.

As you can imagine, it is a special crew that can work day after day with juvenile sex offenders. Seeing them all in one room today really drove that point home. My former co-workers were as happy to see me as I was to see them. Almost everyone asked if I am coming back to work with them. But they were also happy for me that things are going well in Honduras.

I am proud that I once was part of that family. It's tough, tough job and they do it so well. They love boys who are not easy to love. Even though they don't see it very clearly, they also love each other.

I got to eat prime rib and shrimp. There was egg nog and a huge table full of pies and pastries. They had an award ceremony and a talent show. My friend Frank sang Ave Maria in honor of a teacher who passed away from cancer two months ago. We cried together.

It was a beautiful, beautiful day.

Reunited in Chicago

Last week a friend was struggling. I first met her when I was 23 years old. She and I worked in a Cajun restaurant in Chicago with a few other women. Each of us came from very different backgrounds, but we all had one thing in common. Abuse.

About 2 months ago my friend and I were talking about finances. She said to me, "Tell me what you need." I told her. Without hesitation she helped. She didn't think twice.

Last week it was my turn to step up to the plate for her. She was in a tough spot so I decided to get a ticket to visit her in Chicago. Flights were super cheap and she needed a friend.

We spent a lot of time talking and trying to figure out how to get her out of the mess that is surrounding her. When she got sick of talking, we hung out.

Unfortunately, the stomach flu was running rampant in Chicago, so she spent the last few days in bed. Nothing was solved, but she seemed to be in better shape when I left. Mission accomplished.

There wasn't much I could do for her while she was sick, so I avoided the stomach flu germs by staying with another waitress from that Cajun restaurant. I haven't seen this friend since the mid 90's. All of these years later, we still have a special friendship. It's like we used to be many years ago, only better. We have matured, healed, and grown up to be pretty cool people!

We organized a little reunion. One night they took me out to a fancy sushi restaurant. It was AMAZING. I've had good sushi, but this was incredible.

The next morning we had a brunch. Three of the guests called off sick, so it was small, but perfect. We spent all day eating and catching up.

After spoiling me rotten all weekend, this morning my friend took me to the airport at 5:30 a.m. I traveled back across the country in a mental fog, happy to be headed to Salt Lake, but sad to be leaving behind my new old friends.

In Salt Lake I am staying with a woman who got baptized with me in Honduras in 2008. She invited me to attend her small group meeting tonight. It was a nice ending to my day. I feel more settled in and refocused.

My time in the US hasn't been as I expected. Especially over the past week or so. It feels like I am running around putting out forest fires. Or trying to, because the truth is that some of my friends are facing horrific situations. I have no idea how to help. But God put me in their lives for a reason, and brought me close to them at this time. All I can do is keep my heart and mind open, and allow God to move through me.