Choices

On of the first boys to arrive at the kids' club today came in saying that people had been killed by the police station. My coworker was concerned because we have kids from the club who live in that area, so she started to make phone calls. Turned out it was the uncle of two kids from our club. He was killed inside the house, in front of the kids. To make things worse, their grandfather was killed about a month ago. It's over drug turf.

Normally we would always go and be with the family. Especially since they have now had two tragedies in one month. But in this case it's not safe for us to go. In fact, right now we can't do home visits for about 10 of our 26 kids because it's not safe.

This is the third Wednesday we have arrived to hear that a family member of our kids was killed. My coworker lives in this neighborhood. She takes these things really hard because she knows all of the families involved and also because it seems to be getting worse.

Yesterday I went up to Las Minitas to do some tutoring for the literacy class. It's so beautiful back there. It feels like I'm completely outside of the city when I'm there. In reality I'm just on the other side of a mountain, hidden away from the city.

Only Doña Francisca was at home, which was fine. Doña Francisca really struggles to learn. She was extremely sick on Thursday so she missed our class. She is still sick, but we spent two hours going over what I taught the class last week. By the time I left she was exhausted, but feeling confident.

I want to share her confidence, but I am concerned she may not be able to keep up with the rest of the class. I am worried that soon she will soon realize how much longer it takes for her to catch on. Or worse, that she won't be able to catch on at all. I am scared she will end up feeling defeated and give up.

I have a coworker who lives near Las Minitas and has been working there for many years. She always accompanies us when we go to Las Minitas. However, this week she was really sick so she couldn't go. (Everyone who had Chickungunya a year ago are all getting it for a second time right now so lots of people are very sick.)

A different coworker is giving a class for kids on Tuesday mornings in Las Minitas. I take advantage of the fact that they both are already headed up there and go along to offer tutoring for people in the literacy class. This week I also wanted to talk with my students to see if they could come down and meet the car when I arrive on Thursday because I can't walk up alone.

I ended up having to cancel the class for this week. First I couldn't find anyone who could come down to the road and walk up with me because nobody was home and nobody has phones. Then when we were ready to leave, there was no transportation. We waited with a lady who has a little spot under a tree on a corner where she sells chips and candy to the school kids. We always sit and wait for our transportation with her but yesterday they never came. Finally we called and they sent someone. But we waited there for an hour.

The lady who sells stuff under the tree asked where my other coworker was. We explained she is sick. She said, "So you two are here alone?" We told her yes. She shook her head, as if to say it was not a good idea. She watched over us carefully until our transportation came.

Between the feeling I initially had in my gut, the fact that I couldn't get ahold of anyone in person who could walk down to meet the car, the fact that we waited 45 minutes because nobody came to get us, and the fact that the lady we always sit with shook her head about two of us being in that area alone, I decided that I am not going to give the class by myself tomorrow.

Now I can also meet with the two older students one more time for more private tutoring before we move forward as a class. Two more hours of tutoring should bring them up to speed.

The place where we give the class is safe, but we have to climb up the front of the mountain to get there - that's the part which is not safe. As much as I hate to cancel, I think it's the wise choice. After I officially cancelled I felt a sense of peace which tells me I am doing the right thing. Normally I would not have peace about missing my favorite part of the week!

Today I went to the gym for the first time in a year. Last week I was waiting for transportation on the main road by my house when out of the blue someone walked up and hugged me. It totally freaked me out until I realized it was one of the trainers from the gym. He asked where I've been. I told him first I was in a cast, and then my wrist took a long time to heal, and since then I've been broke.

He said I could work out for free to see how my wrist felt and after that he'd give me the student rate if I want to join again.

I went back today and did much better than I ever expected! I ran for 20 minutes. I could have run more, but the trainer told me to stop. Then I did a full workout. I may not be able to walk tomorrow, but that's okay. The gym is cleaner than ever, with new staff I've never met before who were super nice. Basically I got my own personal trainer for an hour and a half - all for free.

I am still pondering and praying about if I can afford to return to the gym. A newer car is my biggest goal right now. The gym would be $23/month, which is super cheap for a gym in Honduras. Especially since this gym is nice and has free trainers. I am taking the free trial as time to pray and see what God has to say about how I should spend His money. I can come up with all sorts of justifications about why I think I should go. But in the end I won't have peace unless I feel like it's God's plan, not mine.

I have to admit something embarrassing. Lately I have been feeling envious when I look at Facebook. This never happened before and I hate it. My envy is worst when I see people who can afford to travel. I wonder how my life would be different if I still lived in the US and earned more money. I miss traveling. I miss going out to dinner. I miss going to the gym!

I used to be happy for people who enjoy life whatever way they choose. Envy is ugly, not productive, unfair to the people I am envious of, and only makes me feel bad. I pray I can move past this ugly phase quickly and say "Adios!" to this new feeling of envy.

Here are some photos of the kids in my Wednesday club. I gave out almost 100 toothbrushes today! A missionary friend works at a ministry that was going to throw them out. But he knew I could find good homes for them. It just happened that our lesson today was all about personal hygiene. We read a story about a boy who ate junk food and never brushed his teeth. The kids were happy to get new toothbrushes.

Praying before the lesson

Boys at work (I love how one chose to sit under the plywood table)