Errands

I have today free since the sexual abuse prevention class hasn't started up again yet, so I took advantage of the free time to run some errands. My residency card expires this month so I was getting down to the wire.

Immigration was a mad house. The parking lot was extra full. I've never been able to park there. I always have to park in a local mall and walk through the streets with money and important papers. It's not ideal.

The line went outside the building and split down the length of the building both to the right and to the left of the door.

Part of the reason it takes so long is that they just don't have a good system. The seats were all full with family members but the seats are supposed to determine who is next in line. Nobody knew who was next. Most of the people were Hondurans getting their Honduran passports. But on my side there was a big line of Chinese people getting their residency for the first time in Honduras. I found that curious. Two hours later I was happy to have my new residency card in hand and get out of that place.

Last night Tigo emailed me a phone bill for over $100! Only hours earlier I was told that I didn't owe for this month. Confusing. There is a Tigo office near the parking lot for immigration, so I decided to talk to customer service. (Although they are a phone company, they have no customer service by phone.)

The lady I spoke to today told me this month is free, but I will never get another month free as a reward for paying on time. She also told me that my payment due dates are different from what the guy told me yesterday. Now I don't even know when my payment is due. If I talk to a third customer service rep I'll probably get a totally different answer. But at least for now I don't owe any money.

On my way to immigration I stopped to pay the mechanic. I was greeted there by the boy from the car accident yesterday. He said the accident was good luck for him. Today he started working as an office assistant for the mechanic! It's perfect because his parents pass by the shop before and after work, so they can drop him off and pick him up.

I thanked him again for being so gracious yesterday. I told him that I learned from the example he, his friends and his family set for me. He and the mechanic said these things happen. I congratulated him on his new job. He was clearly excited. So that in itself made it a good day.

Before heading home I went to three grocery stores searching for lettuce and broccoli for my new Chikungunya diet. Finally I found lettuce, but it was half rotten so I didn't buy it. Never found any broccoli. Sometimes the simplest things are so difficult in Honduras. I'll search for lettuce again on Friday when I have more time. Meanwhile I'm going to cook quinoa for the first time with spinach instead of broccoli for dinner tonight.

My body hurts more today than yesterday, but not as much as Saturday and Sunday. Right now the pain is in my fingers, knees, neck, toes, and the arch of my feet. My back only started hurting as I sit here to write. I think I am going to check the price of fish oil pills. They are supposed to help with sore joints. I do think the coconut juice helped. The bottoms of my feet don't have the sore, dehydrated feeling they have had for a few weeks. I'm going to keep drinking one coconut water/day.

Seeing God's Love in a Car Accident

Today after our morning devotional and planning time, my coworkers invited me to go out to eat. I wasn't hungry because we were served baleadas after the devotional, but I went along just to hang out. (Plus I didn't want to eat fast food because I'm reading that a good diet is important for Chikungunya.)

After lunch I went to figure out what is going on with my phone bill. When I went to the bank to pay it, they said I didn't owe anything. When I went to Tigo (the phone company) they said I owed $4.25, which still wasn't right for the monthly price. Turns out Tigo gives you every third month free if you pay your bill on time! That was exciting news, so I was pulling out of the mall feeling pretty good.

As I turned left, I thought I hit the curb with my right front tire. But the curb was too far away, so I looked all around and realized I had run into a car! I was shocked.

Guards came running, assuming someone would flee the scene, but we both pulled over. One of the passengers came over and asked if I was okay. I said yes and asked if they were. He said they were all fine. Everyone gathered around my bumper, which suffered the most damage. I stayed in my car, assuming the other people would be jerks.

Turned out they were some of the kindest people I've ever met. And it also turned out that it was my fault. I assumed, probably because they were young males, that they were driving too fast and ran into me. But as I looked at the damage, the angles made it seem like it was probably my fault.

I kept to myself and called my insurance guy. The other people were totally respectful about waiting. My insurance agent came quickly and we talked about our options. I told him from the beginning that it could have been my fault, but that I thought they were also driving too fast. We considered calling the police, but my insurance guy checked with the guard who said it was my fault. Another guy came from the insurance company. He agreed the evidence it looked like my fault.

We decided not to waste time with court dates and spend energy arguing. I said I wanted to do what is right. If I was at fault, I would pay. No need to involve police.

I can't say enough how nice the three young boys were. The accident cost them three hours of their day, plus some damage to their car. But they were always SO kind and thoughtful. Just sweet, sweet, young men.

When it was all over, the driver's father came to pick them up. I told the boy I wanted to apologize to his family too. He said it wasn't necessary. But I wanted them to know how truly kind their son had been.

Not surprisingly, the parents were just as nice. I apologized for the accident and told them their son was a complete gentleman. He immediately changed the subject saying, "She is sick with Chikungunya." The whole family seemed more concerned about my health than their car! They kept saying, "Accidents happen," and that they hope I feel better soon. Can you imagine?

Looking back on my day, it stinks that I had a car accident. But I learned some things.

First, if I am ever in a car accident again, even if I am SURE it was the other person's fault, I will not be aggressive or defensive. I will be kind and thoughtful. Those teenage boys were a perfect example of how to behave. I ran into their car, but they were gracious, thoughtful and kind. They were examples of God's love here on earth. My human nature was to try to place blame. In a moment that could have been stressful and negative, those young boys rose above human nature and made everything good.

The thought of having a car accident is horrible. But it's over and it really wasn't that bad. Nobody is hurt. The cars weren't damaged too much. I confirmed that I have a really great insurance agent who made me feel safe and well cared for. If I had to have a car accident, I couldn't have planned it better myself.

Also, I am hopeful that this family's mechanic may be my new mechanic, which would be a great blessing. I've been looking for a mechanic since mine suddenly went nuts this year. So far this new mechanic made a great impression. He is going to fix my car, as well as help me search for a new car and sell my old one. He has a used car lot in front of his shop. Although it would have been nice to go there under different circumstances, I can see some good things that came out of a bad situation.

Later, I was talking to my Mom and she asked how I felt physically. I told her that yesterday it hurt to stand up long enough to wash a cup and plate. Yesterday I felt exhausted lifting up my Crock Pot for only a few seconds. But today I stood in the sun waiting for about a half an hour and didn't feel any pain. My knees, hips and knuckles are sore to walk, but I didn't feel weak.

I could stand up! That made it a good day to have an accident. I smashed into the right car, with the kindest people inside. The car accident was a good reminder that things can always be worse, and sometimes a really crappy situation isn't so bad.

Not Better Yet

Yesterday was a really crappy day. I figure I can say that because of the exorbitant number of times I start out with "Today was a great day."

I woke up with pain. Usually I feel best first thing in the morning. The pain hits me around 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. But yesterday it hurt to get out of bed. I was outside talking to Fany when I suddenly had the vertigo. I've never felt that way before. It was like my eyes wouldn't focus and I was bumping into trees when I tried to walk. I thought I was going to pass out. Fany helped me go back to bed at 9 am and that's where I stayed all day.

While I was in bed, I found this blog. It helped me feel like I'm not crazy. She didn't have the stomach problems I had, but she had crazy bleeding which I did NOT have. Thank God! As I read it there were things I remembered and thought, 'Oh yeah! That happened to me too!'

https://chikungunyablog.wordpress.com/

I am sick of people telling me I should be feeling better. I'm doing all I know to do, and I don't feel better. I'm on day 29, not counting the rash which came about 4 days before.

Tomorrow I'm starting the mediterranean diet. It is supposed to help with joint pain. Basically I'll try to cut out added sugars, while eating lots of fruits and veggies. Nothing processed and no red meat, which is how I prefer to eat anyway. I think I have access to most of the required food. It should be fairly easy to follow and not much more expensive than my current food budget. People swear they can feel a difference.

I was relieved to read in the blog about mood swings. I thought I was going crazy, but so did the girl in the blog. That strange sense of being healed, and then being so sick again! The blog girl had it. She also talked about not being able to follow conversations. My boss talked to me for a half an hour and I had no clue what she was saying. I thought I was going cuckoo. One more thing I could identify with was the odd sleeping patterns. Sometimes I would crash dead asleep at any hour of the day. Other times I would have crazy insomnia, even when I hadn't napped. Apparently that is "normal" as well.

Everyone across the board, from the doctor, to the blog, to the people in Los Pinos, are recommending coconut water. It's so expensive, but I think I may break down and buy some for a least a few days to see if I feel better. Fany swears it heals her parents after only a month. Worth a try.

Today I went to the gym. Everyone online was saying they kept exercising. I don't know how. I ended up lying on the floor and stretching. Every time I tried to exercise either I'd be exhausted after four repetitions, or in some cases, my body just wouldn't move. I used to be able to raise my straightened leg out to the side to hip level (to work on hips). Now I can only get my leg about a foot off the floor. That was disappointing.

I am really getting excited to go back to New York State for a multi-year high school reunion. I'm spending 13 days there. Yesterday while I was lying in bed I worked on arranging fund raising activities. My brother and Mom have gone back to where I grew up, but I haven't been there (except for my Father's funeral) in many years. Never thought I'd look forward to going to Lewis County this much. It's nice to have something to look forward to.

If I had to get Chikungunya, I am grateful about the timing. I have another month before I travel to NY. At work, the first group from parenting class graduated the day I figured out that I was sick. The conduct disorder kids are on summer vacation. The first group from sexual abuse prevention finished two weeks ago. Really, the timing couldn't be any better. Three of my biggest commitments are on pause.

Parenting classes will start up again at the end of July with a new group. Conduct Disorder group will start after I get back from NY in August, and the group therapy for sex abuse prevention will start the second week of July. I thank God that my lighter schedule gives me time to heal without feeling guilty or rushed. That's the happiest note I can think of to end on for today.

Oh, and my stomach is much better now. That's a really good thing too.

We have another reader!

Today was a great day. I went up to the literacy class and Doña Maria Virginia started reading today! It was so funny. She started out without the glasses that we keep telling her she needs. For some reason she doesn't want to use them. So she was trying to read and finally she got frustrated, put on the glasses, and read! I asked if she would like to have a photo of this day. She said she would prefer a video!! (I love that!)

So here are the videos. First without glasses. Then with. And lastly, a short part of Doña Francisca singing her praise to God. I should have done a longer video of that, but I didn't want to be disrespectful of the moment. She said when she is singing she feel closest to God and doesn't feel any of the pain or stress of the world. When she sings, I feel the same.

https://www.facebook.com/mary.fager/videos/10210057436178838/ - trying to read

https://www.facebook.com/mary.fager/videos/10210057424818554/ - reading!

https://www.facebook.com/mary.fager/videos/10210057428658650/ - Doña Francisca singing

The ditch that surrounds the building is even deeper. I had a tough time crossing today. My legs felt weak. Doña Angelica, my 60 year old coworker, had to help me climb up.

New door and windows!

Two readers and a reader-to-be

Doña Angelica's club of 25 kids put windows and a door on the building while I was out sick for two weeks. Now we won't have to haul the dry erase board, table and chairs, up and down the mountain for every class.

Today's class was super small. Rosa worked late. Reyna wasn't at home. Luis and Nohemi were building Nohemi's house.

I am nervous about Nohemi's house. She and her husband are building it too close to the edge of a steep mountain. I'll take photos next week. This week there were people around and I don't like to pull out my phone to take photos when people can see me. That's asking to be robbed.

So now Nohemi, her sister Erika, and Doña Maria Virginia can all read!!! That is three out of seven students. I think that Rosa and Reyna will learn soon, but they sick and missed the last two classes. It will be more difficult for Luis and Doña Francisca.

I just realized I missed Doña Francisca's 50th birthday! I planned to celebrate it last week. She turned 50 on the 20th of June. But since I missed two weeks of class and was sick, I totally forgot until now.

I can't say I am feeling much better. I guess I am better because I am out of bed. I really want to go to the gym. But yesterday my elbow hurt so much I couldn't open the screen door. Today I got into the car after class and the driver asked if I was mad. I wasn't mad, in fact I was happy and excited. But I felt like a knife was stabbing into my back and my knees hurt. Apparently it showed on my face.

I can get along like this. I just have to be more aware of my facial expressions. I took the medicine that was prescribed to me, but it does nothing. Yesterday at the kids' club my coworker Sandra had all of the symptoms I had the first week. I'm worried for her.

The Land of the Living

It's 2 p.m. My work day ended early but not because I didn't feel well. I feel stronger today than I've felt so far. As my Mom would say, "I have returned to the land of the living."

I woke up early this morning, put on makeup and fixed my hair. That was a big step.

After our devotional and planning time, my coworkers invited me to go out to lunch with them. We went to a cute little place and I ate a huge plate of stewed beef, couscous and salad. I haven't been eating much, so I was surprised when I cleaned my plate. If I haven't had diarrhea by 5 p.m. we'll call it a complete success.

It was nice to eat out with friends. I can't remember the last time I ate in a restaurant. I think it was over Christmas when I was in the US. Everyone else headed out to run errands, but they sent me home to rest, even though I feel good.

I don't mean to sound negative, but I am not allowing myself to think that this means I am better. I thought I was better before. Then the pain came back I got really depressed. Instead of thinking about whether I am healed I am going to praise God for these pain free hours and say thank you to those of you who are praying for me. It's working!

Yesterday after finishing my blog (I think it was around 2 pm) I fell asleep. When I woke up it was 6:30 p.m. I've been doing that every day. But I don't think it will happen today. I don't have that feeling like I can't support the weight of my head and I don't feel sleepy.

When I woke up this morning only my fingers hurt. Then my left knee started hurting at around 10 a.m. That's when things usually begin to act up. An hour later my right shoulder, back and elbow were sore. But I feel much better emotionally and physically overall.

Today my coworker said that she wanted to announce something for everyone to hear about the work that I am doing. She said that for their community project, her club of kids (ages 10-14) chose to put windows and a door on the building where they meet. It is the same building where I give the literacy class every Thursday. She said that her kids were too little to carry everything up the mountain, but members of my literacy class came and helped. They told her they wanted to make the building nice for their class and for their professor (me). She said they were the first to pitch in and the last to leave. The project was supposed to be done in two days, but with their help, it was finished in one day.

Isn't that awesome!??!!! They are such great students. Not only are they dedicated to learning, they donated their whole Saturday to work on a community project with kids in order to make their classroom nicer. Now we won't have to carry the table and chairs and dry erase board up and down the mountain. The door has a padlock so all of our stuff can be locked inside. How exciting!

Went Back to Church

I finally made it to church today. I missed the last two weeks. Everyone kept saying they were glad to see I am better. For some reason, that was really frustrating. I couldn't tell them that I really don't feel better.

Singing was hard because of the shortness of breath. The message included a lot of personal time with God. Sitting with my head in my hands during those times helped me make it through the service. I was still exhausted by the time it was over.

Two people at church got Chikungunya in the very first outbreak a year ago. Both told me they are still in pain, right now, today. I can't even say my spirits were dampened. I would say they were soaked.

Everyone wants to tell you their personal cure. One friend who said he is still in pain today told me to take a spoonful of honey with a touch of lime juice and some baking soda in the morning and at night for joint pain. He hasn't tried it, but he says it's supposed to work.  He told me about someone he knows who got a shot for Chikungunya which healed the man. But my friend didn't know what the shot was or where to get it. I never heard of a shot before and seriously doubt its existence. I kept wondering why he never tried these things if he has been in pain for all of these months and believes they would help.

There was a new lady attending church this morning. She just had a loss in her family. It must have been a child or husband. She appeared to be in shock, just sitting there with a look like she was barely hanging in. I felt guilty having a pity party for myself over Chikungunya because I know there are worse things in the world. But right now this feels pretty terrible.

Today I realized that I am really down emotionally, as well as physically. The idea of making it through the work week is daunting. But I have to get back out there at some point, so now is the time. I need to approach it day by day, instead of thinking of the work week as a whole. That makes it seem a little more manageable. And I need to learn to appreciate the good days, without reading into them as a sign that I am getting better because then when I don't feel well the next day, it won't be such a blow.

I have Chikungunya

I've haven't written in a super long time because I was trying to follow the golden rule - If you don't have anything good to say, say nothing at all.

Well, I don't have much positive to say, but I've gotten some messages asking if I'm okay. The truth is that sometimes I'm okay, and sometimes I'm not.

I went to the doctor a week and a half ago on Monday. He seemed confident I had Zika and that it should be gone by Friday or Saturday. Every day that week I would call the transportation people and say, "I need to cancel my transportation for today." I kept thinking and hoping and praying I'd be well enough to work the next day.

I went back to work the following Monday morning just for our devotional. After the devotional my boss was talking to me and I couldn't even hold the conversation. So, I went back to the doctor.

This time he wanted to do bloodwork. He hadn't done that the first time around because really, the treatment is all the same - suero (Spanish Pedialyte), ibuprofen, histamine, and rest. Lab work is time consuming and can be expensive. I spent 15 hours and was thankful my insurance covered most of it. I spent about $50 out of pocket.

First he sent me to a hospital, which Fany says is the only place they test for Zika. I also had bloodwork done at the medical center where he works and a feces sample to check for parasites.

When I left his office on Tuesday he shook his head and said he thought I had Zika, Chikungunya and amoebas. Thankfully the Zika and parasite tests both came back negative. Since there is no test for Chikungunya, that is what I am left with. The official diagnosis he wrote was "unspecified virus transmitted by mosquitos".

Of all the things I could have, Chikungunya is the worst option. Quite a few friends who got it a year ago just had a full blown recurrence right before I got sick. Some still had lingering pain from a year ago before the second outbreak.

It is frustrating to think I have something that could cause ongoing pain for a year, or more. I told Fany I think I am getting a little taste of how her Fibromyalgia must feel.

In the mornings I wake up feeling good, except my stomach. On Saturday the diarrhea started. The doctor said this is typical too. Thank God I don't have the vomiting or the all over body rash. I have an odd rash that started on my belly, moved to my head, and is now on my left arm. I also never got the fever, which people say is horrible. But I do get what feels like hot flashes. The doctor said he's had some other patients who were the same.

The first week it was a muscular pain. I thought it was from working out at the gym, so I tried to work through it. It was nearly impossible to walk. Then the rash kicked in with pressure in my chest and shortness of breath. I knew at that point something was wrong.

Today is day 20. Last week the joint pain began. That's probably the worst part. It makes me grumpy and I start to think I will never get better. It aches while you're resting and it aches if you are moving, so you just can't win. Ibuprofen is supposed to help, but 600 mg doesn't touch it.

So, that's why I haven't been writing. I am frustrated because I can't work. Each day I plan to work the next day and get all excited but then I am in pain and I can't go. I had one good day 2 Saturdays ago. I thought I was all better. But I wasn't. Yesterday was a pretty good day too. But today is one of my worst days ever.

My friend Don Juan (not the Don Juan that some of you know) had to bury his son today. Yesterday he was killed in Los Pinos as he left for work in the morning. Don Juan is a volunteer with the place where I serve, but I knew him from the first church I used to attend here. He lives next door to Erika, so we kept in contact after I left that church. I was excited to learn he would be volunteering for my organization in Los Pinos. He has always been very kind to me.

All of my coworkers and my boss have spent the past 2 days with him and his family. But I can't go. It makes me feel like crap not to be there for him. But also, the people here go to work even when they can barely walk. So I feel like a wimp that I don't go and support him and deal with the pain.

I was raised to rest when I am sick. The doctor told me I have to rest. My boss even told me she wants me to rest. But I still feel guilty.

Yesterday in the club of 25 kids they did a community service project. It's one of the highlights of the year. I missed it. The sent me pictures and recorded a voice message for me, saying they miss me and want me to get better soon. It was adorable! But the bottom line is that I missed an important day in their lives. I spent 7 hours at the doctor's office/hospital on Tuesday. Then I went back at 7:15 a.m. Wednesday and had to stay until 3:15 p.m.

On a positive note, I have a really nice doctor. He was done working at 1 pm and saw me sitting in the waiting room. He came over and asked me what I was doing. I said waiting for the lab results. He asked what time they would be done. At 3:15 he was standing outside of the laboratory door with his lunchbox in his hand and his white coat folded over his arm. I came out and started to head to the waiting room, but he called me over. He had been waiting just for that! He did a mini-consult there in the hallway and told me I didn't have any parasites, I was just sick with "the virus".

It's almost like "that which shall not be named".

I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. Mostly I succeed, except on days like today when I would give anything to be with my literacy class, or with Don Juan and his family, as they bury their 26 year old son.

Things could be worse, for sure. But they also could be better.

Usually every year at this time, I head back to the US for Telluride Bluegrass Festival. This year my brother and his family didn't go, so they didn't buy me a ticket. It would have been horrible to try to camp for 10 days being this sick. And worse if I had a ticket, but had to stay home. So, I guess this is how it was all meant to be.

I'll download some of the pictures from the kids' community project another day. Now I'm headed back to bed.

Mother's Day Celebration

We have been so busy all month, today was finally the celebration of Mother's Day in our Impacto Juvenil Club. I was happy with the turnout. Only 3 moms didn't come.

One of the former volunteers spent most of the day decorating. It looked so nice! She hung a balloon on the ceiling for each mother. The balloon had a ribbon with a heart attached. Each heart had one mother's name and a bible verse written on it.

We were supposed to have this professionally done video presentation, but it turned out the sound wasn't loud enough. At first we thought it was our sound system, but other videos sounded fine. The moms really didn't get to hear what the kids had prepared for them, which was disappointing. Three girls sang a song and did choreography. One was dressed in what looked like my senior prom dress. I think they had fun.

There was a big protest by the college students down the hill. They took over the streets which happened to be the only way to get to our community. We thought we were being wise to have the cake sent up at the last hour. But we had about a half our of panic and the cake almost didn't arrive in time because the car it was in was trapped in the protest.

I stalled a little and had the kids all say things to their mothers, since the audio part of the video presentation didn't work. That took up some time. We played some games - one was like the Newlywed game where the kids had to name their mother's favorite color, food, tv program and what annoys their mother most. The mothers all said they watch the news or Christian tv. But according to the kids, they are really watching soap operas, except one grandma who likes "Tom and Jerry". We all got a good laugh out of that.

I was surprised by how many kids did not have their biological mother there. About a quarter are being raised by their grandmother, or sometimes an Aunt.

It was a good party, despite the worry about the cake. In the end everyone enjoyed themselves. As we went back down with security you could see where the protests had been. They tore up part of the road on the bridge! I was surprised because protests lately have been peaceful.

This morning one of my closest friends was assaulted. She is the psychologist I work with in family therapy every Monday, but we also hang out together outside of work. She is the one who also has Zika. There is a photo of her in my post from yesterday. She is wearing the lime green polo shirt.

This morning she was headed to the doctor. She was riding in a taxi when someone put a gun to her head and told her to get out of the cab and get on her knees or they would kill her. She got out and kneeled in the street. People on motorcycles came from behind and surrounded her. They took all of her things, went through her stuff, found out where she works, where she lives, where she was coming from and where she was going. They even unzipped her pants felt inside of her underwear to see if she had any money hidden there. She thought they were going to kidnap her, but they didn't.

I haven't talked to her about it yet. I only talked to our other friend. She is not telling anyone what happened. I feel horrible for her. But all I can really do is pray.

This is why it is not safe for me to take public transportation and why I need to get my car fixed.

Here are some photos from the Mother's Day party.

Each mom got a balloon with a bible verse and her name

Playing games

Some of the moms/grandmothers/tias

The cake was enormous!

A volunteer did all of the decorations.
My coworker leads the club with me.