Dancing with my Father God

Church was really special today. For the last few weeks there are new families attending. I really like one of them. Not that I don't like the others. I'm just surprised how quickly I am warming up to one of them.

3/5ths of my favorite new family

The kids during worship

Allan praying for the message Pastora Ruth is about to share

Pastora Ruth praying for a lady who visited us today

Jeremy is a member of the new family. He is also a prophet.
Here he and Pastor Paysen are praying for Soyla

Today Pastora Ruth took a lot of time for spiritual healing of the congregation. The power of the Holy Spirit was really intense. It was inescapable.

While I was praying God showed me that He is always with me. I envisioned Him arm in arm with me, like when a father walks his daughter down the aisle to be married. He showed me that He is always by my side. I am never alone.

Then the feeling changed. He was still walking me down the aisle, but what I felt was a Father's love. There was a sense of peace knowing that, while my earthly father is gone, I will always have the fatherly love of God the Father. So comforting.

At the end of church we had a time of prayer.  Soft music was playing. Everyone else had their hands up, worshiping God. But for some reason it didn't feel right for me to raise my hands. Instead, I crossed my arms in front of me and swayed back and forth to the music. The next thing I knew I had an almost tangible experience of dancing with God my Father.

It was like we were at the wedding reception. It was a mixture of the Father/daughter dance and a couple's first dance as man and wife. I rested my head on his shoulder and he held me tight. It was amazing. I was safe and more loved that I have felt in a long, long time. I just danced and danced.

When the music stopped I tried to stop, but God wasn't done with me yet. so I put my head back on His shoulder and danced a little more until we were done. I can almost feel it as I write. What a beautiful and restful place to be: slow dancing with my Father God.

So Many Blessings!

Have to dash out the door for literacy class, but want to write about yesterday before the blessings of today crowd yesterday's from my mind.

1) Was completely stressed about logistics of NY trip. Namely seeing people in Ithaca, Saratoga Springs, dropping off the car and making it to the airport in time. Sent a message to a friend. Turns out he is not only lending me a car for the trip, but also letting me drop it at the airport when I am done. He will pick it up at his leisure. God blessed me with a friend who has trucks that haul cars which saves me three hours of driving on the day of my return flight!

2) As I left the house with two sets of keys, something prompted me to look down. I realized I was carrying two sets of car keys but no house key. I was able to catch Fany and get her spare key just in time, so I wasn't locked out of my house.

3) God answered my prayers for a specific family in my club who I believe could be in danger. I was praying for an opening to talk to them. Yesterday the two sisters came to the club early, sat down next to me and chatted for 20 minutes. We are starting to build a foundation of trust so I can talk to them about deeper things in the future. PRAISE GOD!

4) One of those sisters volunteered to pray for my trip to NY! She never volunteers to do things, especially pray. She stood up, went to the front of the classroom without being asked, and said a beautiful prayer. I saw God at work there. What a blessing it is to be prayed for by my club. Especially when the prayer is led by someone at the top of my personal prayer list.

5) Transportation came early so I was able to make it to intercession at my church for the first time in weeks.

6) During our time of intercession, four people were blessed with the gift of speaking in tongues for the first time. I was one.

All of that was yesterday, but I would also like to add that Monday and Tuesday I had very little pain from the Chikungunya, which is also a blessing.

This tiny girl is hard core in her love for soccer

Hanging around

Pastora Ruth and the four who were blessed with the gift of tongues yesterday

The number of intercessors at my church has almost doubled recently

The times they are a changin'

For some reason, until now I have not been comfortable sharing this here. But today, after talking with my friend Ana I feel like I should. So I will.

Los Pinos has been in tremendous turmoil lately. To be honest, I don't even know the half of it.

I know that we had to stop home visits.

I know that my friend's son was killed as he was innocently walking to work.

I know that young people, male and female, who live in Los Pinos have had to go into hiding because the gangs are aggressively recruiting the males.

I know that I was not only hearing this from friends, but teachers of elementary school as well. Elementary children are risking their lives and the lives of their families if they don't join the gangs. If they don't join they are beaten every day.

The gangs have moved in and taken over private residences. They pick a house and move in! Then they start looking for girlfriends. Women have become gang involved as a way feed their children. Those who don't become involved are threatened with death. Their families are threatened as well. Their options are to join or go into hiding from every person they know.

Los Pinos has never, ever been this bad.

Although we have three clubs for a total of 75 kids in Los Pinos, we suspended home visits. It simply was not safe to walk in the community and visit the homes of our kids. I am thankful that our boss always thinks of our safety first. But I worry for the kids.

When we did the pregnancy campaign in Los Pinos the cars pulled up to the gates, loaded us in, and zoomed away. We were told we were not allowed to leave the school premises alone, which was a new rule for us.

I was not able to speak of this then, but the police did a "saturation" in attempt to round up the gang members. We expected that to stir up trouble and that was the moment we suspended home visits. I am grateful that we get information which is not available to others. It keeps my coworkers safe. But how do we serve our kids in the midst of this?

According to Ana the gang members in her area were finally arrested today. I am dubious because usually when gang members are arrested, the most dangerous guys sacrifice others. The less important guys end up in jail. But Ana feels hopeful.

Ana said that she has been living in immense fear for weeks. She said the children are literally traumatized. She said nobody dares leave their house. They sleep tight under their beds and praise God that they are one of the few houses with cement walls. But bullets can come in from the windows. She said she and her family have been living in a barrage of bullets right outside their house, which has never happened before.

I don't want to sound dramatic. I don't want this post to get triple readership because it carries bad news which, sadly, seems to happen. (I'll never understand why people love to share bad news, but not the good!)

I hope Ana is right. I hope they have arrested the people who have been holding her neighborhood hostage. She is faithful. This has been her prayer. She prayed that the right people are arrested and brought to justice.

That's another thing I find amazing. People never used to pray for justice for the gangs. In the past there was no hope for justice. But that is changing! I love that the people can see it. Ana's prayer is proof that people, even those living under the worst circumstances they have ever known, have faith that better things are in store for this country.

Not my will, but yours...

You'll never know how often I think of you, although I don't even know who you are, throughout the day. Every single day I think to myself, I have to write about this in my blog! And then the evening comes, I'm tired, and it just doesn't seem as exciting as it did in the moment.

The truth is, I have come to take some things for granted here. When I sit down to write, my day to day activities don't seem important anymore. Things that used to be strange and crazy, aren't so odd anymore.

For example, the house I visited yesterday is one of the more humble homes that I've been inside, but I know many, many people who live in similar structures.

Erika and her family, for example. They were 8 people living in a much smaller space with four walls, a window (no glass or screen) and a door of cloth. I never made it inside of Erika's house because it was not safe to leave my car parked alone and I was also never invited. But I always wanted to go.

I have to admit I was surprised when I posted an image of the house on FB yesterday and people made the "Wow" face or the "Sad" face. Now I realize I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. The house I visited yesterday was not what most people imagine when they think of a home. It was made of pieces of wood nailed together with spaces in between. On the back they had metal roofing. I know that storms always roll in from that direction, so I imagine the metal was placed strategically to keep out the rain.

What I expected to shine through in the photos, was the pride, joy and the peacefulness that is found in that home. I felt it. I know it well. But I guess unless you've been here and know the people, poverty is poverty and it's hard to imagine someone being proud of that sort of home.

I think the piece that is missing is that it's hard for most North Americans to imagine someone (especially a young person) who has never finished first grade. Once you insert that reality into the fact that this country is poor, with over 40% unemployment rate the last time I checked, then you start to understand why just having a roof over your head is a blessing.

My intention is not to shame anyone. I am simply reflecting on how my reality has changed since moving to Honduras.

While I am writing, I am also cooking dinner. I just reached into an egg carton and pulled out this egg.

If I found this egg with chicken poop in a carton in the US, I might feel angry and cheated. Here, I have learned that it doesn't matter how the egg is packaged, it's the inside that matters. (Yes, I did cook my dinner with this egg. And yes, I do see how this can apply to many more situations, but I won't go into them now.)

As I look around, I understand how it would be hard for someone who doesn't live here every day to understand life in Honduras. I know missionaries who live in Honduras, who have lived in Honduras for 10+ years, and still can't communicate in Spanish. They don't have a clue how the majority of the people live here. (Although they believe they do.) They serve within their ministry and develop friendships with other North Americans, but they don't know what life is like for the average Honduran.

I must admit. That aggravates me. Not very Christian of me, is it?  I just don't understand why a person would move to another country and never venture out of their comfort zone. I'll even go so far as to admit that I question how well they can serve the people, because unless they really know them, they can't understand their needs.

If I sound judgemental, I guess I am. I admire the missionaries who are out there "doing life" (as much as safety and cultural limitations allow) with the people they serve. I admire people who find the delicate balance between serving and being one with the people, because the reality is, we will never truly be one no matter how deeply our relationships are rooted.

I admire people who put themselves out there, who see the need that God is showing them and reach for it, even when it is way out of their comfort zone. That is who I want to be and that is how I want to serve.

Luke 22:42
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

Three visitors and one new reader

Literacy class today was extraordinary for several reasons. We found our lost sheep. We had lots of visitors, and we have one more reader! Plus another student is sounding out syllables really well.

My coworker and I went up early because one student missed four classes. She was out of town for three weeks, but last week she was in town and didn't show up. I was surprised because she has always been one of the most prompt and motivated students. I asked my coworker if we could climb the mountain early and pass by her house before the class to see what is going on. I thought maybe, after missing four weeks, she could be afraid to come back.

My Chikungunya was more painful than normal this morning and my legs were wobbly as we climbed. I was in a cleaning mood when I woke up, so I found clothes I don't use and hauled them along with me. Eventually we made it to the tippy, tippy top of the mountain and my coworker pointed out the house. The back was all sheet metal. I asked if I could come inside and was eagerly welcomed. It was one of the most humble homes I have ever visited. But the owner was very proud. She was excited to show us around her home.

Front of house
It's on the edge of the mountain
so I couldn't back up for a wider view

The view from window in the photo above
is gorgeous. It feels so peaceful.

The bathroom below

The kitchen and handmade oven

Mud bricks to build walls

When there is no running water...

She said she intended to come to class today. I still have my doubts, but she came and was able to almost catch up with the rest of the group. She started reading today! She also brought her niece. Our lost sheep is found, plus she brought a guest, and she is doing well.

Not only did we have a niece visiting, another student brought her husband who visits when he is free, and another lady brought her son. One student wasn't able to be there because her son is in the hospital. Otherwise, we had a full house. I love the fact that the students are comfortable enough and have the desire to invite their family to class.

Full house!

After hiking up to her house,
I am even more surprised
that she carries her own desk to class

The desk was a handy place for my coworker to give extra tutoring

Guest #1 - son of the lady above and photographer during class

Guest #2
Husband supporting his wife

Guest #3
Niece helping her Aunt

Here we are! Minus one student who is camera shy and one who couldn't attend today

I love this family

They spend a lot of time hauling wood for their oven

The kitchen

At the end of the day my coworker and our security guards stopped by my house. With Fany's permission the guard climbed our mango tree and tossed mangos down to our driver. The mangos were rotting and falling to the ground, where they stunk and collected bugs. I was happy to see them go to good use! Everyone left with a big bag of mangos and Fany got a big basket full. The tree is still really full, but we got all that were ready and within reach today. Avocados will be ripe soon!

Two funerals

After the previous post about feeling appreciated, my boss sent me a text message in the evening saying that she hopes I take time to relax while I am in the US. She said she believes my life will be a powerful testimony for the people I see at my high school reunion.She said without doubt I have been a tremendous impact for the team here and she gives thanks to God for bringing me to Impacto Juvenil! I hope my head doesn't get too big - hahahaha!

Yesterday I ran the club all by myself. Usually each club has 2 people in charge, but my friend and coworker had to go to a funeral yesterday. Her cousin was beaten and tortured beyond recognition. They found his body up on a hill Saturday and it took until Tuesday night for someone to identify him, because of how badly he was burned and stabbed and some other word which I didn't understand.

Sandra is sad, and also worried because the rumor is that her cousin had some dirt on some corruption going on within the police force. Supposedly, it was the (corrupt)police who did this to her cousin.

The rest of my coworkers went to another funeral yesterday. The mother of the police woman who guards our office door died. I knew she wasn't well, but last I heard she was recovering from surgery. So, that was a lot of death to deal with in one day.

The good news is, the kids were almost perfect for me. The ones who usually are most "active" were totally calm and well behaved. The quietest raised her hand and spoke out in class, which she never has before. We are really seeing the fruits of group therapy, where these kids are learning better social skills and talking out their problems!

I made a point to call their therapist today to tell her the good news. She was really happy to hear it. The kids have so many heavy things going on in their lives, this is really big progress for them. And I learned that I can teach the class all by myself, which also felt like an accomplishment.

Now off to literacy class! I am hurting a lot today. Much more than usual. Fany and I went for a walk yesterday. That could be why I have stabbing pains in my joints, or maybe not. Who knows. But I have no desire to stay home. I am excited to go and see the students.

This morning a lady also contacted me to say that she is mailing boxes of books to Honduras for the library. This is her ministry, which she runs from Texas. It will be fun to see what she sends. I told the kids yesterday. They are really excited about the idea of being able to borrow a book for a week.

Feeling Appreciated

This morning during our planning time my boss asked if everyone has their information collected to send out to the sponsors. Everyone has been talking about this, and working on it for weeks. Since we are an NGO that survives on the support of donors, we have to fill out reports so they know what we're doing. It makes sense. (It also motivated me to do a newsletter for my supporters, which I haven't done since I got Chikungunya.)

My boss told my coworkers that my photos saved them. She said they all take photos of the backs of people's heads. The kids are not smiling or looking at the camera and the quality of the photos is poor. She said none of my coworkers had any useful photos at all. She said the thing that speaks most strongly to the sponsors are photos and she is grateful for the photos I've taken. Without my photos they would have had nothing to show the sponsors all of the cool stuff we've been up to.

Then she encouraged coworkers to invite me to events within their communities so I can capture photos of everything we are doing. (I'm already invited to one on Monday, which will be fun!) She told the whole program that I have a degree in psychology, journalism, and I am a gifted photographer. She said I have a lot to offer and they should take advantage of my knowledge and talents.

Later in the meeting my boss's assistant raised her hand and told everyone that she wanted to recognize me for the great job I am doing in the literacy class. The lawyer started nodding in agreement. My boss's assistant visited the literacy class last week. She said she is really excited to see women she has served for 12 years actually reading. She can't believe the progress they've made! It gives her great joy. She could also tell the students really like the class. She asked everyone to give me a strong round of applause. Everyone clapped for me!

Then two of the psychologists talked about a training they attended last week in San Pedro Sula, a city three hours away. My boss stopped them in the middle of their report and told them she is really happy that they went, but I am a psychologist (by Honduran standards because I have a bachelor's degree in psychology) and I should go to all future trainings as well. Fun!

I love the program I serve. I love the way that I'm serving and the people I'm serving alongside. It's awesome that they appreciate me as much as I appreciate them.

Wednesday Club

This Chikungunya is not only driving me nuts physically, I am also losing my mind! On Friday I left the front gates wide open. Luckily, I took the garbage out as soon as I got home, so I saw that the gates were open. Monday I went to work thinking about a vet appointment. Somehow between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m. I totally forgot about the appointment. Today I left the front gate open again! This time I came inside and got to work editing photos. Fany called me to ask if I left it open on purpose, which of course I had not. I even let the cat outside twice. It's a miracle she didn't escape. If Fany hadn't gone to work on the plants in the garage, we may have left them open all night. Who knows what else I've forgotten that I never realized at all. Scary.

Our club was extra special today. A pastor in the community came with bibles and a study guide for each kid! He is going into schools and is also doing a campaign on the streets to hand out bibles. His campaign is called blessing invasion, or Invasión de Bendicion, which sounds much better in Spanish.

He told all of the kids they have the potential to be anything they want to be. Then he made an interesting point. Sometimes we talk about children being our future. He said the children need to be our present. It is right now that will determine their success when they are grown. For that reason they are important to us today. He told them he wants to see someone from this community be part of the Honduran government in the future. It was very encouraging and empowering.

We have a hard time getting our hands on Spanish bibles in Honduras. I haven't seen them for less than $25, so this was a really incredible opportunity. At one point he said he was handing out 4000. Then I thought he said 5,000. I'm not sure how many bibles he is giving away, but it's a lot. And his name is Pastor Angel. ♥

I had to do an interview today for the donors of my program so they will know what is going on in the literacy class. Afterward my boss's assistant, who is known to be grumpy, sent me a message thanking me for the information and for a job well done with the class. It was nice that she took the time to do that. I like the way we are treated at the organization where I serve. Obviously others do to. Every person started out as a volunteer. Many worked 8+ years before they started receiving pay. I've never heard of such a thing in my life, but my coworkers are proud to have done it.

Next week the organization is getting 20 new people. Just in the one year I've served, we've gone from 100 to 130 people. Now we are going to be 150. We used to occupy one building. Now we are overflowing in three buildings with desks in every corner. Not sure where we'll put 20 more, but they are welcome!

The kids were amazed by the smell of their new bibles

Pastor Angel telling them
they can be whatever they want to be

I discovered this boy really loves to read.
I will keep an eye out for books for him.

When given the choice of playing or reading
they chose to read their new books about values

12th Anniversary Retreat

Today we celebrated 12 years of Impacto Juvenil, or Proyecto Gedeón, as it used to be called back then.

We did a one day retreat together, played games, did team building activities, ate good food and enjoyed fresh air outside of the city. It was fun and special at the same time. It made me realize how much I enjoy every single one of my coworkers. Some of them have become my closest friends.

As we were driving to the retreat one of my friends said my boss is really happy with my work. She said yesterday my boss was looking over the photos I took and asked my coworkers if they like working with me. They told her I am "excelentisisisimo". That means I am very, very, very excellent! I loved to hear that my boss is pleased and of course it's great that my coworkers love me too.

Praying to start the day.

Human knots

I have learned to enjoy the dreaded "dinamicas"

At first this seemed impossible, but we did it!
Passing a plastic ball along 2 pieces of yarn
to land in the bucket

Taking a bucket of water to thirsty people in Africa
without touching the bucket

Emptying the water without touching it

Passing through an obstacle course
while tied together

I love these two
Mother and Daughter
Original members of Gedeón

Two more of my favorites

We had to do a cheer at the end.
It was pretty funny
I couldn't remember the words, so I figured I'd better dance

These are my closest friends.
I don't like cliques, but we are kind of one.

I still haven't learned to pose like a Latina.
After seeing this photo, they say they will teach me.

US!

We work hard but we also have a lot of fun!!

Sunday

Today was a good day. I popped out of bed early and did a load of wash before church. At church I took photos for the first time in 7 weeks. Either I've been home in bed, or sitting at church unable to move since I got Chikungunya.

I missed taking photos! They turned out really well. We celebrated a baby dedication and the fact that Pastora Ruth was honored as a prophet last week in a group of well known prophets. Pastora Ruth was really pleased. I think it's great that she received recognition from someone outside of our church.

Afterward I did grocery shopping and then more laundry.

The pain is moving around, which is strange. It's strongest in places I never had pain before. I talked to a friend who got Chikungunya in September and was really sick until May. Most people say that it's tough for three months and then it starts getting easier. That's why when my boss told me to take the day off last week, I really didn't know how to respond. I told her that this is my life now, and I have to learn how to deal with it.

Here are some photos from church:

My friend Marta and her son, Samuel

My friend Natalie's daughter

Pastor Paysen

Baby Presentation