Things always turn out better when you let God take control. I know this and I really do my best to live it. But too often my own humanity overcomes me and I turn to logic, rather than God.
Two days ago my Mom contacted me to say that she received a donation in the mail from a friend who visited Honduras with me on my first mission trip. The person wanted to bless the children I serve.
I was concerned because this is our last week of work. I didn't know how I would have time to purchase gifts and take them to the families. But God took care of that problem yesterday when my boss decided to buy baskets of food and toys for the 10 most needy families of each community. That means we have to work during our vacation. But it also means that the families will come to pick up their gifts from my boss, so they can pick up the gift from my friend as well!
I talked to my coworker because she knows the families best. We decided to pick two single mothers, one family of 10, and a Grandmother who is raising three of her grandchildren because their parents were killed.
It totally made sense logically. We talked and talked about it. But for some reason it didn't feel right.
This morning we did home visits in the community we serve. One of the families we visited was the family of 10. I left that house with a yucky feeling in my stomach. Of course, I really want to bless a huge family at Christmas! But it just felt wrong.
I talked about it with my coworker, trying to word things carefully because I was worried I would offend her. Finally she told me to say what was on my mind. I told her I can see the necessity, but I really didn't think our gift would bless that family. In fact, I thought giving them an extra Christmas gift could actually be harmful.
My coworker and I have discussed the idea of empowering people instead of enabling them. We want to help people think of solutions to their problems, rather than expecting others to solve problems for them. We want to help people learn they are capable if they apply themselves. If you are a regular reader, you have heard all of this before.
While visiting the tiny house of ten people, the family showed repeatedly that they are not willing to apply themselves. The kids are young, but dropped out of school years ago. They are not willing to work or further their education. We have to plead with them just to come to our club (where they play and get a good meal). They complain when they mistakenly believe that others were invited to a Christmas party, but they weren't included. They have come to expect handouts, but are not willing to do anything for themselves.
I certainly don't want to punish them. If I had a ton of money, I'd love to bless them. But I don't. I have one generous gift which I must use wisely.
As I explained all of this to my coworker she said, "Mary Lynn, everyone is like this. All of the families expect a handout and none of them are grateful." She wasn't being mean or negative. She was being honest.
I felt discouraged. How could that be possible? I asked her to pray with me about the situation because I did not feel God's peace about our current plan. She agreed to pray.
We continued on our way. It was a rainy day. The already slippery trails were treacherous. We had one last house to visit. I almost fell and my coworker decided we should turn around. She knows someone else who fell in that same place. The only thing you can grab onto is a barbed wire fence. The other person got hurt pretty badly there. We had turned around to leave and were walking back up the mountain when a boy from our club yelled up to us. He climbed up and took us around to a different trail which led directly to the house we needed to visit. It was perfect!
That was where we encountered the family that my coworker thought doesn't exist. They are a family who never asks for help. Maybe that's why they slipped off our radar.
At the very bottom of a valley live a widow and her two daughters. The youngest daughter is in our club. Her father died of a heart attack six months ago. Since then her grades dropped significantly and, for the first time, she failed two classes. I posted about the mothers who were going crazy, trying to get their kids enrolled in "summer school" two weeks ago.
(Sidenote/Update: I keep meaning to tell you that the girl whose father said he would not pay for any more education for his daughter is currently in school. Her mother lied about the costs of the classes and tried to manipulate to get three times more money than she needed. We ended up giving a portion of the cost of enrollment, thinking it would be healthy for them to have to pay a portion too. Looking back, we wish we had given less, or nothing. We believe this family could have come up with the money on their own and been empowered when they saw that they are capable of getting through tough situations as a family, without our help. By giving them part of the money, we denied them the opportunity for self empowerment. However, at the time we believed it was the right thing to do.)
The girl whose father died has to attend summer school. We asked how her mother paid for the classes. She said she made extra tortillas and more tamales to sell. A neighbor gave her the uniform shirt, she bought the pants herself and she still owes the school $2.50 which she will pay next week.
Then she offered us tortillas she was making and cheese (a luxury I have never received in any home visit before) which her neighbor gave her. Those two tortillas and cheese were some of the most tasty food I have ever eaten because I know how valuable they were to her. Plus they were truly delicious. She apologized for not having any water to drink. I felt guilty eating her cheese, but I hope I voiced my gratitude sufficiently for her to know that I thoroughly enjoyed every bite.
The first time I ever visited this house, a few weeks ago, both daughters were headed out to make money to buy dinner. Political parties here pay people to attend their rallies. The people go, not to support the party, but because they want the money. They are very clear about that. This rally was a high paying one at $2.50. They figured they would pay $1.00 total in bus fare and still come home for $4.00 to buy food for dinner that night.
I remember my coworker telling me she really wanted to pull the money out of her own pocket and give it to them because the situation broke her heart. That was our first conversation about the fact that we can't go around handing out money because it is not healthy for the community we serve.
The point - this family is willing to do everything within their power to support themselves. They could be sitting back and waiting for a handout. They have every right to feel overwhelmed and depressed after losing the head of their household suddenly and unexpectedly. But they are not letting the situation control them. They are taking control of their own lives. I admire each of them immensely.
The girl who is in our club is going to school. She is also selling her mother's tortillas and tamales when she is not at school. She is respectful and helpful toward her mother. That is the kind of behavior that I would like to reward. This is the kind of family I feel honored to bless. They do exist!
God led me to exactly the right house and guided our conversation in exactly the right way so that we could see the depth of their need, as well as their drive to succeed on their own. As we climbed back up the mountain I said to my coworker, "I'm thinking about something."
She said, "I'm thinking about the same thing, but I'm really out of breath. Let's talk when we get to the top."
They don't know it yet, but they will be getting a special surprise on December 22nd. They will receive a basket of food, some toys, and gifts which we are picking out tomorrow on behalf of my generous friend.
This is what happens when I move out of the way and let God work. Can't wait to share photos next week!
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