It's been a long time! I decided I really wanted to focus on being present in the here and now, and take some time for myself. Turned out this trip was exactly what I needed for reasons I could have never known until I got here.
To make a long story short, 5 & 1/2 years of living in Honduras took its toll on me emotionally. I didn't realize it while I was there, but after I got back to the US and was able to let down my guard, I realized I was pretty messed up.
It took a while to find a good therapist. By the time I started therapy, the three month visit was almost over so I extended my stay. During that time it became more and more clear that the people here are in need of the very things I've been working at in Honduras.
In July I called a non-profit organization and offered to volunteer as a translator. A month ago I saw a job that looked interesting at that same non-profit organization. Ten days ago I started working there.
My new boss lived in Honduras for four years! She married a Honduran man 25 years ago and they moved back here. It's been nice to have her to talk to as I support my Honduran friends through tumultuous times. Most people in the US don't have a clue about everything that has been going on there.
In November the presidential election was a disaster. The incumbent ran for an extra term, changing the constitution himself, without the vote of the people, which is illegal. The voting process was fraudulent. The opposition was in the lead when suddenly they closed the polls early and stopped counting votes. When the polls opened again, suddenly the incumbent had crept up to tie his opponent. Then the computer system failed and the incumbent pulled into the lead. People were furious. It reeked of fraud.
There was a review of the votes. My coworkers were involved and saw the fraud that everyone was reporting with their own eyes. They asked if they could be allowed to do a transparent recount with strict protocol in place. The electoral board (which is managed by the incumbent) refused to allow an independent protocol to be put into place which would allow for transparency.
Since November 26th the people have been waiting for election results. Both sides claimed to have won. On December 17th it was announced that the incumbent won. People were already protesting, but now it has escalated.
The US Embassy has taken measures I've never seen before. First they recommended no travel in or out of the country. Yesterday they sent an email telling everyone to "shelter in place" (stay home) effective through the end of December at least. The streets are taken over by protesters. My coworkers are posting video of the police clearing the streets with tear gas, which spreads up the hills and into their houses. Yesterday, all day, their homes were full of tear gas. They couldn't breathe, nor could they leave their homes to escape the fumes.
My pastor was talking about having his daughter airlifted out of Honduras to the US. Since the election results were announced out of the blue, she has been stuck at home. She can't leave and he can't get home to her because the roads are blocked with protests.
Fany calls me at least once each day. She was staying with her in-laws out in the country where it is safer, but she came into the city Sunday because my landlords were supposed to fly in from Guatemala. Fany was visiting her sister-in-law when the news came of election results. I called her immediately and told her to go home, but she didn't.
I kept sending her messages as I watched other friends talk about protests forming in the streets. Finally I sent her photos of a protest blocking the road that she needed to take home. I encouraged her to stay with her sister-in-law for the night. But she decided to try to get home. It was a harrowing experience. Laura is still traumatized and will not leave the house. Some of the protesters saw Laura sobbing in the car and lifted up Santos' truck to carry it over a median with Fany, Santos and Laura inside. Half of the protesters were mad that others were trying to help Fany and her family because their whole purpose is to block the roads and cause chaos. Laura inside crying and saying she wanted to go be with God. It took until yesterday for Fany to tell me the full story. She was terrified too, but thankful for those who took pity on her family and helped them get back home.
Last night Fany called with a gruff voice. I could hear helicopters circling overhead like in 2009. It brought back a lot of fear for me and Fany said she felt the same. The helicopter was spraying tear gas. It was meant to hit the community next to ours where we go to buy avocados and cheese, etc. The problem is that we live on the division of that community and our own. The front of our houses face into our gated community but if I had a back door, it would open up onto the street of the community where they were spraying tear gas.
For hours they flew overhead, dropping tear gas. Fany kept her windows closed, but she could barely breathe inside the house. She was very scared. This morning they escaped back to her in-laws house in the country, thank God.
My boss in Honduras is the bravest lady I know but she said she cries every night. I think I am the only one she can confess that to. She has to stay strong for my former coworkers in Honduras. The head of security has ordered them to stay in their houses.
Police are fed up. I think they are acting in fear. There are many videos of them being violent toward peaceful civilians. I can't blame them for being scared because civilians have not all been peaceful and the police are risking their lives every day for the safety of their country. In fact, at one point the police and the military refused to defend the incumbent and joined civilians in protesting the injustice for a day. That was the most peaceful day so far because everyone was united against the "dictator".
January 25th is the date the next president would have been sworn in if this one hadn't overstayed his turn. The opposition still has not accepted defeat. He is asking for a recount, but what they really need is a new, clean vote and that is not possible.
I don't know what the outcome will be. It looks like Juan Orlando will remain in power and things will be crazy for a while. Rumors abound. The latest rumor which started about a week ago is that the US Government helped rig the election. I've seen signs and comments on newspaper articles with Honduran people saying they want all US citizens out of their country. There have been big protests in front of the US embassy. In reality, I don't think the US has done anything at all, which also angers some Hondurans because they would like the US to come in and clean up this mess. In any case, I am glad I am not there.
I have to admit, it has been hard to start a new job with all of this on my mind. I am doing my best not to think about it during business hours, but it does weigh heavy on my heart and I don't sleep much at night. Since I am physically safe, I feel like I need to be an emotionally available for my Honduran friends to unburden themselves. They have nowhere else to go and nobody else who can really understand. I don't mean to complain. I want to support them. I am glad they trust and confide in me, but it is a heavy load to carry while I am trying to learn the ropes at my new job.
I leased a car. It was the only option since everything I have is tied up in Honduras. I'll go down as soon as it's safe (late February, I hope) to sell my stuff and say goodbye to everyone. For the first time ever, Fany wishes she could come to the US. Coworkers write daily and ask for prayers. Ana has been scared to death. She and some of the boys in Los Pinos say that area has been on fire for weeks.
People who love me are sad that I won't be a missionary in Honduras any more, but they are happy that I am safe and that things are working out well for me in the US. This is not at all what I expected when I packed my bags back in June, but I am happy to be here and supporting those I love in Honduras the best I can.
Please pray for the people there, the police and military who are fighting a war they don't believe in, and for justice. I'm worried there will be no peace without justice and there is no justice in sight.
Also, a good friend of mine has been living in horrible back pain for about two years. One year ago she had surgery, but it didn't help. She was about to have another surgery, but they cannot tell where the pain is coming from so they cancelled the surgery. She is frustrated, to say the least, as this surgery was supposed to be her best hope for relief. I imagine she is feeling pretty hopeless right now. Please pray for Lisa as you feel led.
I apologize that this is scattered and not well written. I am operating on very little sleep and trying to catch up on six months worth of news in one post. (Forgot to mention! I have a second job evenings and weekends editing a book for an interesting man who is about to publish his 13th novel. We have fun together and I am desperate for the money.) Overall, my life is good. But many around me are struggling. I am thankful for this healing process and to those of you who have helped me reach this point. Now if Honduras could just find peace. And I'd also like to see my family at some point too. All good things in all good time. Now I have to hurry up and fall asleep so I can wake up in three hours. Good night from a hilltop in New York. - ML
No comments:
Post a Comment