Quick Catch Up

Lots of good stuff going on. So much that I have no time to write. I'm working seven days each week and when I get home at night I'm editing photos and writing articles until 10 pm.

On Monday the full-time staff and I went to a local water park for a work retreat. Sometimes I feel a little guilty when I'm included in things like that because the other volunteers and even the part time employees can't go. But they recognize that I work as much as the full time employees and this is one way they can compensate me. I make sure they know that I appreciate it!

In the morning we did team building stuff. Then we swam all afternoon. It was a huge, beautiful place and we had it all to ourselves! Nobody else was there. It rained for a while, but that didn't dampen anyone's spirits. We had a great time!

I was the only person who wore a bathing suit to swim. The other ladies all wore tight shorts. How uncomfortable. But they said they would be more uncomfortable showing their legs. Cultural differences.

I taught three of my coworkers to swim. They were so excited and proud of themselves! The one I call "Star" in this blog didn't want to get out of the pool when it was time to leave. Hahaha! She's usually big for following rules but everyone else was changing their clothes and there is Star, floating on her back with a big smile on her face.

The swimming class for the kids is going well. My boss went last week to observe. She left "enchanted", she said, with what I am doing. She finally understands that I really need another instructor to help out.

Some of the kids are already swimming freestyle and some still haven't mastered the flutter kick. If I help the slower kids, then the more advanced kids are bored. But if I work at the advanced kids' pace, the others are totally lost. With such a large (19 kids) and diverse group, we would all be better off with at least one more instructor.

Out of 8 weeks of class, the lady who was supposed to be in charge has only been there 1 & 1/2 times. I'm not counting on her help at all at this point. But the kids are learning, they are safe, and they are having a great time. That is what's important!

They are finally comfortable in their bathing suits too. That was probably the biggest challenge of all. And they are wearing their swim caps. I need to come up with money to buy them goggles. I told them I couldn't look into googles until they can use their swim caps correctly and they've fulfilled their end of the deal. This pool hurts my eyes more than any other pool I've ever set foot in. It doesn't seem to have too much chlorine because I don't smell chlorine, but for some reason it burns your eyes to the point that you absolutely cannot open them without goggles. I'd like to figure out how to fix the ph of the water because the bottom of the pool is slippery with some sort of slime. But in the meantime, the kids need goggles.

They made me super proud when my boss visited. They counted out loud for our warm up exercises, they waited to get into the water until they had permission, they only went into the areas we are allowed to use, and they all participated for the whole class. I was extra grateful for their good behavior this week!

Last week was the start of construction projects in the communities. On Monday my community began the first round of projects. Everyone was a little cautious because the area where we started has had a lot of deaths lately. Here, if more than one person dies, it is called a "massacre", which in English sounds very dramatic. But Hondurans tend to be dramatic. Anyway, there have been several massacres lately right where we were building three water pilas and one latrine.

I was supposed to get photos of before and after. I knew not to bring my camera, because that would make me a mark in the future if people think I walk around with a camera. I brought my cell phone and everyone was taking pictures, so I didn't stand out anymore than usual. But they wouldn't even let me go to two of the four houses because it was too "ugly" (dangerous). My boss is going to be disappointed, but all of the families and coworkers agreed. My coworkers didn't go down there either. In fact they had a fit that I went to two of the four houses. But I felt safe surrounded by all of the workers.

This is one of the girls in the club.
She was wearing flip flops, so she kicked them off
to haul heavy bags of cement.
Her house is far and down a steep path.

This part is paved, but the rest is not

Heading down the path to two of the homes

It's steep and rocky!

The whole community got involved

Enough procrastinating. Time to get to work on the manual for the group for incest survivors. Soon I'll be hopping on a plane bound for the US for three months. I don't want to go with so many cool things going on here. But I'm making the most of every minute in the meantime and there's a lot to look forward to when I come back.

The Latest

Today is supposed to be my day off, but I've been sitting at my computer all day working on an interview for work. Tomorrow transportation is picking me up at 7:30 a.m. for a special campaign, so I'll have a busy day tomorrow too!

Here are some of the interviews I've done so far:

This is *Eddie. Four days a week Eddie wakes at 4 a.m. He dresses in the dark and heads out before sunrise. He walks down a steep dirt path below his house, passes through the valley floor, and climbs up another mountain to a neighboring community. There Eddie, age 15, has established a business.

It all started five years ago when Eddie was only ten. "I was walking through (the wealthier community), looking for ways to work, and the people talked to me." He noticed they threw away things which could be recycled for money.

"First one lady agreed to set aside her plastic soda bottles. Now many people save their recyclables for me. Some days it's a lot to carry. Especially when they give me car batteries. Those are heavy," Eddie said. "But I always manage."

The people of the neighborhood have come to know and look out for him. "There are two families who always ask how I'm doing," he said. "They want to know that I am still studying."

About five hours later, Eddie climbs back down the mountain and up the other side to his home, carrying his bounty for the day. He stores his recyclables behind the house and prepares for school.

Through recycling, Eddie contributes approximately $10 each week to the household. The additional income is greatly appreciated and necessary.

Eddie is not sure what he career he'll pursue. In ninth grade, he still has time to decide. His family and his mentor at Impacto Juvenil agree that Eddie's entrepreneurial mindset and exceptional work ethic will bring him a successful future!

* Name changed for confidentiality

Since the day her bus broke down on the way home from school, 14 year old *Amy* (name changed for confidentiality) knew she wanted to become a mechanic.

"We were stranded in a dangerous area. I was scared," she recalls.

In that moment Amy received inspiration. "A man on a motorcycle stopped to help. He pulled out his tools and looked over the engine. He explained what was wrong and then he fixed it!"

"My friends think I should choose a career for women. They tell me the job of a mechanic is too masculine. Some say that I am bisexual. But I don't pay attention to them because I want to be a mechanic. I will apply myself and I'll do it."

Amy, who is raised solely by her grandfather since the age of three, receives encouragement at home as well. "My Papi (she calls her grandfather "Dad") says I shouldn't pay attention to those people. He knows I want to be a mechanic and he is very supportive."

This is *Oneida.

Oneida is the mother of five children who range in age from three months to 12 years old. Her oldest is a member of Impacto Juvenil.

Through Impacto Juvenil, Oneida was able to attend the Strong Families program.

"I learned the importance of communication," Oneida said. "My children confide in me now. We talk a lot more. I never realized the importance of communication. When I understand how my kids are feeling, I am more patient and more tolerant as a mother."

"Implementing what I learned in the Strong Families program has made my home a happier place."

Mike, surrounded by his three sisters and his mother (far left). His father was working out of town on this day.

For most people a haircut is not a matter of life and death. However, in some communities of Honduras men risk being beaten or killed for the way they wear their hair.

Fifteen year old *Mike, a member of Impacto Juvenil, recently faced this situation. His mother, *Ana, and her husband realized their son's hair was attracting attention from the wrong people.

“He just wants to look like the other boys his age,” Ana said. “I understand. I wish he could have a haircut he likes.”

Mike's father noticed his son's hairstyle was attracting attention from local gang members about a month ago. The gang in his neighborhood adopted this hairstyle (longer on top, shaved short on the sides) as their identifying feature. They want it to be unique to them.

“If he kept his hair like that, they will grab him. At that point he will either have to join the gang, or he'll be killed. These are the times in which we live,” said the boy's father.

In an effort to keep their son safe, they sent Mike to get a haircut. Twice. Both times he came back with his hair still dangerously long on top. His parents were frustrated.

“Mike's always been obedient. He's never challenged us like this before. It's the first time we've had to deal with this (misbehavior),” Ana said.

Ana and her husband are grateful for training they received through Impacto Juvenil's Strong Families program.

“In Strong Families we learned to work together and never to undermine one another as parents,” Ana said.

Both Ana and her husband accompanied their son for his third trip to the barbershop. Ana felt bad as her son began to cry. He told them he feels self conscious with shorter hair because he believes it makes his ears look too big.

“I think my son is handsome. It hurt to see him cry. I was ready to give in. But my husband stood up and reached for the barber's shears. He was going to shave Mike's head. I knew I had to support my husband.”

They talked to the barber about options that might please Mike, yet still keep him safe. Suddenly Mike became disrespectful, saying the adults didn't know what they were talking about.

“I was shocked and embarrassed. I've never seen Mike behave that way. He is always respectful.”

Mike's hair was cut, but nobody was happy. “My first instinct was to hit him when we got home,” Ana admitted. Instead she went outside and used relaxation techniques she learned in the Strong Families program until she was calm.

“I used to believe hitting was the best way to teach my kids. My husband doesn't believe in physical punishment. We used to get into arguments about it.”

“In Strong Families I learned that physical punishment is not effective or healthy. Now we punish according to the gravity of the behavior and try to reward our kids when they are good.”

Communication and stress management are also skills the family learned in Strong Families classes. She and her husband sat down with Mike. They explained they really didn't want to force Mike to cut his hair, but it was necessary for his well being. Mike was still angry.

The next week a gang member followed Mike and two friends home from school. When Mike told his mother, he was clearly frightened. “Imagine if he still had his hair,” she said. “He understands now why he needed his haircut.”

“Every day when they go to school I pray,” Ana said. “I pray until they get home safe.”

Mike and his mother on laundry day, washing clothes together. “I used to do everything myself. Through Strong Families classes I realized my kids can't learn if I do everything for them. So I taught Mike to wash his own clothes. It gives him a sense of independence and teaches him responsibility. I know most boys his age don't wash their own clothes, but for him it's empowering!”

*Lilly and her son *Alan are graduates of Impacto Juvenil's Strong Families program. Every six weeks they reunite with other graduates in their community to review skills they learned in previous classes and work on new techniques. Last week one topic they reviewed was positive communication.

“You are very special to me,” Alex tells his mother.

“Awwww. Thank you,” Lilly responds with a grin. “You are a wonderful son.”

According to Lilly, Alan is already a master of positive communication. “He makes me feel special every day. He loves to make me laugh.”

* All names changed for confidentiality

So, there's a little taste of what I've been working on lately. My boss is super pleased. They are various lengths to use as Facebook posts and in the newsletter for the organization where I serve. Some will be blurbs. Others full articles.

Plus I've got swimming lessons, photo coverage of every special event, group therapy in Las Minitas, and development of the new pilot program for incest survivors. All good stuff!

Now off to the gym for PT. My ankle's been aching, tingling and swollen since I got stuck in traffic for a half an hour on the way home from church Wednesday night. Then Thursday morning I was in another traffic jam for a half an hour on the way to the office. Working the clutch is still really tough. I'm hoping PT will help, but I could use some prayer. Tomorrow I have to take pictures of a protest march, which means walking a few miles on uneven terrain. I hope it holds up.

Monday Meetings

Every Monday morning the institution where I serve has a time of devotion for all staff. It's really the only time I see the all of people who work on the projects. They make up 4/5th's of the organization, but I only see them in passing.

In our time of devotion we sing Christian songs and sometimes Honduran folk songs, which are fun to learn. Then someone gives a message and we pray together. Finally we share what happened the week before and what is to come.

This week they mentioned that 700 people attended a fund raiser in Chicago for my institution! They raised a lot of money toward building one new office where we could all fit.

They also had a meeting with Chicago city leaders about how to fight the violence in Chicago. Since I lived in Chicago for 15 years, it's close to my heart. It's my favorite big city in the US.

Initially Chicago leaders were adamant that violence in Chicago stems from different causes, so techniques we use in Honduras wouldn't apply. But after a few hours together, they realized that if a tiny organization like us can fight corruption in a government like Honduras, then they could surely handle the city of Chicago.

Between 2013 and 2016 the homicide rate in Chicago tripled, he said. (Other statistics I've read said it doubled.) In the last two years Chicago's homicide rate per population has soared higher than that of Honduras! Most stunning to me was that he said the impunity rate is also approaching that of Honduras, with 80-90% impunity in the worst sections of Chicago. (Honduras is 94-96%.) Wow! Glad I'm not doing social work there anymore. That is sad.

But I digress. Back to the devotional:

Before the devotional began I had a couple of minutes to chat with the leader of my community. She is also becoming one of my closest friends. We are together almost every day through work and we really enjoy working together. For the sake of anonymity, I will call her "Star".

I told Star that yesterday God showed me more clearly what he meant about spending three months "floating on the water". I had told her those words too. She laughed when I explained that it wasn't literal, but that I need to put my time in NY into God's hands and practice "floating" while He takes the lead. We know we should always live like this. That is when God is most powerful. Star and I are expecting big things from this trip!

This week my boss gave the devotional message. It was awesome! I felt like God was talking directly to me.

Her title was "How can we please God?" It was a lot of the same things Pastora Ruth discussed yesterday at church. My boss really got into it and so did the rest of us. At the end everyone clapped, which is unusual.

She talked about pleasing God by sitting in the back seat and letting God take the wheel. She said of all the ways to please God, that is most difficult for her. I poked Star and we both laughed. It is unsettling for me, too. But I'm going with it! Seems like something God is really trying to show me lately.

After the devotional we all separate into our individual projects. Impacto Juvenil is doing community projects right now. I was prepared to jump from community to community, taking photos of work the kids are doing to better their neighborhoods. However, it appears everyone is still getting quotes and figuring out logistics, so my week will be a normal one. Full, but not as crazy as I imagined.

Star and I got the chance to talk to our boss about inconsistency at the swimming class. Our boss immediately said she will take care of it. I love the way she gets things done.

Also, it seems we they may have resolved a problem in one of the communities we serve. The working relationship at that location between the people there and my coworkers (as well as the kids we serve) is strained. For more than six months we've been looking for another meeting place that's safe and still convenient for the kids. We may have found one! That would be a huge blessing.

Lastly, I am super excited to say that the therapist in Los Pinos asked a special favor of me today. He wondered if I would accompany him, Lorenzo, Carlos and Junior on an outing! I said of course!! I was so happy he thought of me! He said he knows how special I am to those boys. He's been looking for a way to reward them for their hard work at school. They have all been studying like crazy and working harder than ever since the meeting with their Mom after Easter. He wants to show them that dedication pays off. Sometime before I visit the US we will all go out together as a reward for their hard work. That will be a great day!

He is also starting a special tutoring project for kids with learning disabilities in Los Pinos based on the needs he sees with Lorenzo. I am so happy to see the kids I fell in love with when I first moved to Honduras get their emotional, psychological, and educational needs met!

Many things have been coming full circle in my life lately. Although I really don't want to leave Honduras for three months, I have peace knowing that the kids will all be in loving and capable hands while I'm gone. I can relax and enjoy my time there. At the same time, with all of these cool projects going on I fully look forward to coming back.

Giving God the Reins (Alt. title: We don't always need all the answers)

God did something super cool today. I've been turning it over in my mind, trying to figure out how to put it on paper (or in this case on the computer) in a way that will make sense to you. It's a little mind boggling and I've been taking cold medicine, so I hope this comes out right.

At church Pastora Ruth talked about things are heavy on my mind. She talked about walking in obedience, being in God's presence and seeking His will.

God showed me a few weeks ago that my trip to New York is a step of obedience. I don't have to understand why, and it doesn't have to make sense logically. If I am being obedient, I will go to New York. (That's a tough one for someone who depends firmly on logic.)

During a time of prayer the Holy Spirit suddenly put an image in my mind. The image was this:

It's the image my friend Jody made for me when I wrote in my blog (5/18/15) about God being my river rafting guide. She gave my words from the blog to an artist. From those words he made this image for me. It's a perfect reminder that I am not in charge. God is steering and guiding and directing everything. Or at least He will if I allow.

Normally when I go to the US, every single day is packed with appointments - things to do and people to see. It's strange that this time I have nothing planned. And stranger still that I am completely at peace with planning nothing.

Every time anyone asks me why I am going to New York, I struggle. I honestly don't know what to say because God hasn't shown me what He has in store for me there. I just know I am supposed to go as a step of obedience and it would be wrong if I didn't go.

I'm praying and thinking a lot about what I am supposed to do once I get to NY. I'm normally ready to head back to Honduras after three weeks in the US. What will I do with three months?

During  my time of prayer/thought, all I can imagine is floating on the river behind the house where I grew up. I don't have any other plans or ideas. Sounds totally crazy, right? But sometimes that is how God shows me things. When I can only picture things one way (like me floating on the river), I know that is what I need to do.

Last night on the telephone my Mom asked, "So what do you think you're going to do for three months in New York?"

I replied, "I really don't know. The only thing God has shown me so far is that I'm supposed to spend my time floating on the water. That's all I know."

Mom asked what I was "going to float on". I told her a friend offered his kayak. And then she changed the topic.

Today at church, when God showed me the image of God as my river rafting guide, everything became more clear.

Now I see what God wants me to do. He wants me to go to NY with an open heart and mind. He wants me to let Him steer the raft. He wants to guide me. He wants me to just float on the river. Not in the literal sense, as I was thinking, but rather by letting Him take the reins. His will, not mine.

What could be better than that?!!

It sure does make it difficult to explain to the rest of the world, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

Wrapping up the week

Had a little scare yesterday. Since Wednesday I've been fighting a cold. Yesterday morning my fingers felt tight and achy. But they've been that way off and on since I got Chikungunya. In the afternoon suddenly my elbows started to ache. Then I went to the bathroom and could barely get back up because my knees hurt so much. Oh no. I know only one thing causes that kind of pain. When I tried to take clothes off the clothesline I couldn't lift my right arm. Soon both shoulders were killing me. The Chikungunya pain was back in full force.

Then I realized it's May. Exactly the 11 month point when others have had flareups that are almost like full blown Chikungunya, only without the itchy rash. The flareup lasts a month or two. I've kept this in the back of my mind since last year.

Last night I took Viusid for dengue. It's like Emergency, only it's supposed to help with Chikungunya. Who knows if it really works. Nothing else does, so it's worth a try. Fany gave me water from 2 cocos. That's supposed to help too. Then I prayed. I almost sent out a public prayer request, asking others to pray that I don't get the Chikungunya symptoms again. But I didn't want to cause unnecessary worry, I figured I'd wait until morning.

I have so much to do. Only in the past few weeks have I been able to do home visits in the communities because of my ankle problem. I can't be sick now.

The good news is this morning the Chikungunya pains are extremely mild. I can feel it in my knees, back and right shoulder. But it is not the debilitating pain I felt last night. I am going to rest today, drink more coco water and Viusid, and hope it goes away, or at least remains manageable.

I've been working extra hard lately, spending all day in the communities and every evening at my computer until about 10 pm. Even Saturdays and Sundays. My coworkers made me take today off because they see how hard I'm working. I sleep so hard at night I don't hear the storms of rainy season, which is unusual for me.

It feels good to have my own responsibilities. I like working in teams, but sometimes it's nice to have my own projects too. Swimming classes are good. I've written three interviews for the donors. My fourth will be a longer one. My boss is really happy with them and says they are exactly what she needed.

I worked on an entry to a photo contest, trying to win a camera for Impacto Juvenil. After a LOT of work, we turned in our entry only to learn that the deadline had been extended another month. Now my boss wants me to turn in an entry for all of the clubs in each community. That's 17 entries! She clearly doesn't understand how much time it takes to teach a kid to take the photo, find a situation that fits the theme of the contest, take a good photo, edit the photos, and fill out the entry form in Spanish and English to convince the judges that it's the best. I will ask her Monday if the leaders of each club can help their kids take the photo. I'll work on the applications.

I've had three meetings with the psychologist who is working with me to develop the pilot program for incest survivors. God is surprising me with how much I am able to contribute. So far we've completed three of the 15 sessions. Most of the content is ideas God gave to me. My coworker says I came to her like an angel. I am creating the content and she puts it on paper. We make a good team.

My insecure side is afraid that I've already used up my good ideas and will have nothing left to offer as we develop the next twelve sessions. But I know God brought all of those ideas to mind so far, so He'll help me continue to contribute. My coworker is bound to have some good ideas too. I think she is just giving me space to be creative right now.

Yesterday as we were working she asked my last name. She got a big grin on her face and said that my name can go first when we publish our work. It will have our first initials and our last name. I guess that's how you do it here. I hadn't thought of the fact that we would have a published program. Pretty cool!

Here are some photos from Strong Families and Group Therapy:

Learning to give and receive hugs in the Strong Families Program

For some it was easier than others

Kids have their time while the parents work on parenting skills

Making cards for parents "I am proud of you because..."

Working together on the final project

Great teamwork!

"The techniques we learned with our parents in Familia Fuerte"

Now the parents' class, which was separate, joins the kids. The second hour is spent together, reinforcing the techniques they learned.

Telling Mom what he loves about her

Hugs after sharing kind words for each other

Snuggle time

This week my group finished group therapy.
In this project they described the techniques they learned to manage their emotions.
I wish we had a few more weeks together. They made a lot of progress.

Where yes doesn't really mean yes and nobody dares to say no

Last week on a page for missionaries in Honduras, the topic of hiring people came up. In the conversation that ensued, comment after comment was about the Honduran custom of wanting to appear agreeable at any cost.

You'd think after five years here, I'd have figured out a way to deal with this dynamic. I haven't. I can sniff it out a little quicker, but I am not sure how to handle it. It still happens to me on a daily basis.

Yesterday the driver from work called. Drivers never, ever call. He asked if I was meeting him at our designated spot. I knew that wasn't really why he called. We always meet at that spot. There was another reason he was calling, but he didn't want to say it.

That's where tactic #1 comes in. I call it 20 Questions. It's where you think of all of the possible things the person might be trying to say, and you say them yourself, to see how they respond. Usually they still won't tell you directly, but you can sense if you are getting warm.

I figured he was running late and asked if he needed more time. I told him my schedule is flexible, trying to give him an out. It was lunch hour so I told him I didn't want him to miss lunch. He was still vague and noncommittal.

After a lot of hemming and hawing, and me playing 20 Questions, finally he asked me to wait at home rather than at the other spot.

Fany and I both thought something was up with security. Why else would he ask me to wait in my house until he came? Maybe there was a reason it wasn't safe for me to wait on the street.

When the driver and security guard showed up the car smelled of fast food and they were shoveling the last bites into their mouth. I still don't understand why he couldn't just say that he needed a few minutes for lunch.

Today a friend called. We had plans for this morning. When the phone rang I said, "Good morning! I was just thinking of you!" She asked what I was thinking. Later I realized that was her way of trying to make ME be the one to cancel. Instead we had an awkward conversation and in the end she said she'd see me soon.

After I got off the phone I thought about it and implemented Tactic #2, Ask a Third Party. I told Fany about the call and asked if she believed my friend was trying to back out of the plans, but didn't want to say so. Fany said yes, it appeared that way. Third party verification is usually the way to go in these situations.

I called the woman back and asked if she wanted to cancel. Her response was, "As you wish." So I said, "No, I want to know what YOU would like to do. It really doesn't matter to me. I am flexible."

Again, hemming and hawing. Finally she said it would be better for her if she could see me tomorrow. I told her that will be fine.

Fany is the same. We are each other's best friend, so I really don't understand why she can't be direct with me. She knows I am direct with her.

Ana and her family go hungry or without medication rather than telling me what they need.

I am not a mind reader. I don't understand why people still do this. It doesn't serve them well.

As other missionaries shared their experiences on the Facebook page I realized I am not the only one who doesn't know what to do in these situations. When people only tell you what they think you want to hear, in the end nobody wins.

Missionaries offered jobs to their neighbors, thinking they were being helpful. The neighbors accepted the job, but had no desire or even intention of working. They just didn't want to say no.

I see that too. People offer to help me with something, but then never show up. Lately, rather than be disappointed or frustrated, I choose to be happily surprised when someone does keep their word. This is part of the reason Gringos get a reputation for being overly fixated on time and commitment. Because yes doesn't really mean yes here. And nobody dares to say no.

Now that I see this whole dynamic, I realize they expect me to never say no too. I still say no. And yes, they are offended, although they will never tell me that directly. I only hear it from third parties.

The people here will never tell you if you've upset them. But everyone else will know. I've learned that if I really want the truth, I have to ask a third party. And yes, I know that is gossip. And I HATE gossip. But gossip can sometimes be the only way to get to the truth.

It's hard to live in a world where people don't say what they mean, or mean what they say. And the craziest part of all is that in their minds, they are doing it out of respect. #cultural differences

Full Circle

Yesterday I accompanied a coworker to group therapy. She is a psychologist and one of the first people who invited me to work on some of her projects when I started with this organization almost two years ago. She is also the person who is developing the group for incest survivors.

As we were riding with transportation (a guard and a driver) she mentioned feeling overwhelmed with work. She said she is working on a new pilot project and she can't sleep at night because her brain is working overtime, trying to work out all of the details. She said she really needs help, but she knows everyone is already overworked.

I mentioned that our boss told me I will help with her with the incest survivors group, thinking that was an additional project. I assumed she already knew I would help with it. She was taken aback. At first she thought I must be confused. But as I told her the specifics of what our boss had said in the meeting before Semana Santa, we realized that I was talking about the same project that is keeping her awake at night! She was not aware that I am supposed to help and was extremely relieved.

Once we got to the community center, only two kids showed up for group therapy so we had plenty of time to talk and brainstorm. By the time we finished we were so excited! We have a ton of good ideas and were very pleased with the way our approaches mesh together.

On the way home my coworker asked how I ended up in Honduras. As I thought about the answer, I burst out laughing. We have known each other almost two years and are even friends outside of work, but apparently I've never told her this before. It was God's perfect timing.

I first came to Honduras with a team from the US to serve incest survivors! Since I've worked in this field since 1995, I decided I have a lot to offer the team. I was baptized during that trip.

Now, nine years later, I am helping to develop a pilot project to work on treatment, communication, self esteem, and independence for women who have suffered incest. This time I'm not visiting for a week. I already know many of the women. They are parents of the kids I  serve and graduates of our Strong Families program.

It feels like coming full circle. Just so perfect!

(The sad part is that now I don't want to go to the US. I fully believe that trip is also God's plan, but I am still fighting it. It's so hard to justify rationally.

I've been super worried about money since God first placed that trip on my heart. The flight was expensive. Plus here the food I eat is so cheap. Just day to day living expenses will be more in the US and I don't have that in my budget. I'm waking up at 3 a.m. every night feeling sick about finances.

And now, after talking to my coworker yesterday, I am desperate to stay here and see the program come to fruition. I'll be here for the development, but I'll miss the first half of the initial sessions. I don't want to bail on my coworker or the ladies at such a critical time.

God seems firm on this. I already argued with Him for two months and He kept having to show me in stronger and stronger ways. But I'm still going to pray, just in case He changes His mind.

Why am I having so much trouble being obedient about this?!!!)

Busy week ahead

I'm procrastinating. I need to edit photos, write two interviews, select a photo for a contest to win a camera and then write a story (in Spanish and English) that goes along with the photo, describing how kids are impacting their community.

Haven't had time to do physical therapy since last Wednesday and I'm back to climbing mountains again so my ankle is swollen and angry. I'll go to the gym today during lunch today because tomorrow morning I have to climb up to Las Minitas (the back side of the mountain).

This morning in our weekly devotional the people within my organization who work for the justice program did a presentation. I purposely don't publish the name of my organization or the name of their program here. If someone Googled those words and came across my blog, they'd know we work for the same association. It's safer not to use the names.

They talked about how many cases they prosecuted in 2016 and some of their experiences. I've always respected them immensely. They are brave. Almost fearless, I'd say. If I were them I'd be scared to get out of bed in the morning. I really can't imagine how they face each day.

For some reason God keeps putting me in situations where I have to stand up for what is right lately. I used to be a person who fought for justice when I lived in the US. But here it is easier (and MUCH safer) to keep your mouth shut.

Recently I've been scared. There were a few days that I didn't want to leave my house. At one point I thought someone was following me. It sounds crazy and paranoid. But two days in a row when I got home there was a guy waiting outside my gate on a motorcycle, checking his watch like he was keeping track of what time I come and go. Here people wind up dead for things much smaller than what I have had to stand up for in the past two months. I'd be dumb if I weren't scared.

This experience has left me with even more respect for my coworkers who fight for justice in Honduras.

Right now my coworkers within my project can't go into Los Pinos unless accompanied by police. A mother in Los Pinos falsely believes that my coworkers caused her children to be removed from her home. There are death threats. They are going long enough to have the clubs, and then they leave.

Danger feels more close lately. It will be nice to relax in Northern New York where people still leave their keys in the ignition and their windows down. I am looking forward to taking some deep breaths of clean air. Floating on the river in a canoe...

In the meantime I'm keeping super busy! This week I'm working every day including from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. Sunday. But no complaints. I really love everything I've been called to do here. And Monday is Honduran Labor Day so that will be a day of rest.

Swimming, Week 2

Today was the second swimming class. This experience is much different from teaching in Los Pinos. The first day all but two were comfortable in the water. Today all of them were swimming. It may not look pretty yet, but they can move in the water. One boy was even asking if he could do flip turns at the end of the pool. That's advanced! They have all been submerged in water before whereas the kids from Los Pinos had not.

Only 12 of the 19 kids showed up. My coworker was surprised. The sun is so strong these days. It's horribly hot. She thought everyone would be eager to swim. In Los Pinos if we started out with 20 kids we were lucky to end up with five. It appears this group will be like Los Pinos in that manner. There is no sense of discipline or commitment.

I'm not sure how to teach commitment. We make the expectations clear from the beginning and everyone says YES YES YES. They understand. They are desperate to participate. They are furious if they are not included. Yet in the end they don't show up.

The class is only an hour long. It goes by so quickly! Feels like we are done as soon as we start. I'm glad these kids are more advanced because ten 1 hour classes is enough to teach them to feel comfortable in the water, but not much more.

The trainer's goal is to get kids comfortable in the water so they will be safe on their own one day. Her dream is that all of the city can learn to swim.

Home Visits

It was a hot one today. Two coworkers and I spent the whole day climbing a different mountain, adjacent to the one we climbed yesterday. In fact we could see the water tower where I took a video yesterday. It was far off in the distance. What a view!

Last night a friend called looking for help for a girl who was beaten unconscious by her boyfriend. I told her I had no clue what to do, but I could talk to the lawyer who works with our program. Before I knew it the lawyer took action and I was involved in the situation. Ugh. The boyfriend's mother is a judge. Justice in this type of situation is not common. What's more common is consequences for the people who report the injustice. That's why I really didn't want to be involved. But we hope Honduras is changing. And we have to do what is right. All I can say is the lawyer is much braver than I.

Our first home visit this morning was more a therapy session for the mother. She is terrified her son will be killed because of his haircut. The gangs in his area have put out a notice that nobody is to wear their hair long on top. The lady said her son is usually respectful and obedient but he really didn't want to get his hair cut. This was the first time he has really asserted his independence. His parents had to force him to cut his hair for his own safety. It turned into a bigger situation than the mother has had to handle in the past. She realizes her son is growing up and this is a learning experience for them all. Mostly she needed someone to talk to.

It was interesting hearing all of the ways Impacto Juvenil has influenced that family. Through the Strong Mothers program the mother was empowered to speak up for herself. She told us she was raised to never say anything, even if she was being disrespected or abused. Her husband was involved in drugs and gang activity. After realizing that was not the life she wanted for her family, she gave her husband an ultimatum. If he didn't straighten up, he had to leave. Now he works and is a good father to his children. By looking at him, you'd never know he had such a difficult past. She is a strong mother!

She also talked about the parenting skills they learned in Familia Fuerte (Strong Families). They were taught the importance of parents presenting a united front. She and her husband work hard to not undermine each other's authority. I was impressed that they both went to the barbershop with their son and talked to the barber about options for his hair that would not get him killed on the streets. They seem to make a good team.

Before parenting classes she believed that corporal punishment was the most effective way to correct her children. She openly said she hit her kids out of anger and frustration. Now that she has other, more effective tools, she sees that spanking or hitting with a stick is not healthy or effective.

She has even become a strong advocate for her children at school. The school tried to expel her son when he was sick for an extended period with hepatitis. She knew her son's rights and fought hard to keep him in school.

What an amazing example! I told my boss that we should have this lady come and share her testimony with other parents.

Today's climbing was less paths and more small dirt roads. We even had some pavement with sidewalks! This area is much more populated than where we were yesterday.

My coworker who lives in this community always invites me for lunch. The last time I was sure I ate the last of their beans and meat. I felt terrible. In an effort to avoid that situation, I decided to take my two coworkers out to lunch.

We took a moto-taxi down the mountain to the closest restaurant. From there we went the rest of the way to the bottom to do a home visit. Afterward we waited on the side of the road for a moto-taxi to take us back up. It's a good two miles up windy roads. Normally there are moto-taxis everywhere. We were surprised when we waited and waited but none passed by. Later we learned that the gangs robbed a moto-taxi driver at gunpoint. Moto-taxis stick together, so all of them stopped working for the day. Seems like it punished us more than the gangs.

I copied this photo from the internet in case you aren't familiar with moto-taxis.

At the end of the day I asked my friend if the parents really needed to be worried about their son being snatched from the streets and killed for wearing his hair too long. He looked at me with big eyes, surprised I didn't know the answer to my own question. He said yes. Normally these things do not reach his area, but these days the gangs who rule his part of the city have put out a warning that men cannot wear red shirts, have long hair or pierced ears. He said everyone is following the rules, but the first person who doesn't will be beaten and the second person will be killed.

This happened two years ago in Los Pinos, so it's not new. In fact, in Los Pinos the gangs had many more rules, including rules for how women could dress and wear their hair.

The gang presence was obvious, but we wear florescent green polo shirts with florescent green vests so we are easily identifiable. We've been in the neighborhood for over 10 years so they know we are there to help families. So far they don't mess with us.

Tomorrow is swimming!

Back in the Community

I decided this week to go about my regular work since my ankle hasn't made any progress in two months. It felt great to be back out, walking in the communities! I climbed mountains again for the first time since December. I got to see the people I love and spend time with them again.

About a month ago we did psychological testing for the kids who have scholarships through our program. Today we shared the results with them. The exam showed us which kids are open to authority, appreciated the opportunity to learn, and then went into detail about how the each learn best, and what struggles they are likely to face in education. By sharing this information with the kids and their parents, we can help create an environment for each student to flourish.

For example, one student's test showed that her biggest obstacle to learning is distractions. The funny thing is that she verbalized this to us before we even gave her the test results. She said the only time she doesn't do well is if the kids in her class are talking a lot and she can't pay attention. Now we can talk to the teacher and perhaps change her seating arrangement. We can also talk to her mom about providing an environment for homework with no tv, radio or outside distractions. I love that we are taking this extra step for the kids who earned scholarships.

My coworker reviewing the results of the test with a young girl.

It's now 6 pm. I thought my ankle might be killing me tonight. So far I feel the same as always. We climbed up and down some CRAZY paths. We just went slow. Going uphill I feel great. Downhill can hurt. That makes sense because it hurts to push in the clutch of my car with my foot extended, which would be the same position as climbing downhill.

Carrying logs down the mountain

He makes it look easy!

Laundry day

The roads and trails were washed out from the rain. It's raining now. Thundering and lightening too. This is the fourth day in a row it's rained. I believe the rainy season is officially here. It's 2-3 weeks early!

The roads are worse then normal

The whole roof missing from the house of one of my literacy students. NOTHING was covering her two small rooms. And to make matters worse, the house is made of adobe blocks, which is just earth packed together with straw. As you can imagine the rain disintegrates adobe quickly if they are not covered by a roof. I've been worried for her all day.

No roof

Reyna always has a smile. Even with no roof and clouds looming in the distance.
Today's rains came soon after this photo was taken.

I also got to see Doña Francisca. You may remember her from literacy class. She was so happy to see me she actually smiled for the camera! Normally she is very stoic. I felt sad because she was on her way to work and she doesn't get done until 8 p.m. I hate to think of her walking around alone at night on the streets.

Back with my students!

In the afternoon I went to a graduation for another class of Familia Fuerte (Strong Families). There was a 10 year old boy in the class whose big dream is to become a gang member. Seriously. He is already being recruited by one of the biggest gangs in the country.

I am glad he is in our program. He is difficult to handle, but God paired him with the perfect mentor - a friend of mine who took that path when he was younger and can talk to the kids honestly and directly about what they are getting themselves into.

I was sad to see that same boy's mother came just at the end of the last parenting class, in time to receive her diploma, get her picture taken and eat the dinner. The mentor had to call and ask if she was coming. It appeared she was more concerned about putting ringlets in her hair than about being there for her son.

My boss asked me to enter a photo contest. I have to take a photo of youth changing their community. The winner gets a new camera! I am trying hard to win for our program. Unfortunately, the deadline is next week. We aren't doing any community projects between now and then. But I do believe God will show me the perfect photo to enter in the contest. We need the camera!

I did another interview today. A 15 year old boy gets up at four a.m. to collect recyclables in order to earn money for his family. By the time he walks to a nearby wealthy community the sun is just beginning to rise. He has been doing this for five years. He doesn't just randomly wander the streets. Specific families set things aside for him to pick up and recycle. He's got a regular business set up.

Profile shot

Last year when I visited him, the mountain was falling on top of his house.
Thanks to a new retaining wall, the earth is staying in place this rainy season.
 This was one of the community projects for our program.

He was very shy about sharing the story with me and didn't want his photo taken. He's embarrassed to admit that he is picking up bottles and cans to make money. Each week he earns about $10 - $12.