Warning: Proceed at your own free will

This post comes with a warning.  I am frustrated about some things and will be complaining.  Probably a lot. So if you don't want to read frustrated complaints, please feel free to skip today's post.  But first let me give thanks to God because my friend Pat is out of bed and standing!  Yesterday morning he could barely lift his hand to his face.  Last night he stood.  Today he began physical therapy!!!  Praise God!

I am also grateful for the following:  We had plenty of food to feed all of the kids with huge portions of meat sauce, rice and tortillas today; I got to spend some time talking with Anna who has lived here 6 years but was born and raised in Colorado so we can talk about gringa things; The kids were awesome today; Lourdes was able to stay home and rest again today; Jairo spoke with the owners of the house in the mountains and they definitely want to rent it to me, it's only a matter of when the house will be ready for me to move in now; I found Tide brand detergent and splurged so I have clean clothes with no dirty stains for the first time in 6 months; The weather has been nice lately; My yard looks GORGEOUS after it was all trimmed yesterday and I cleaned it today;  I have a great taxi driver who does his best to always help me out; MY HEADACHE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I came home from the breakfast program and fell asleep.  I slept through Fany and Santos cutting the grass with a loud grass cutter machine right outside my bedroom window.  I was embarrassed because usually I help them with yard work.  I am afraid they thought I was being lazy and didn't want to help.  (Actually I love yard work.)  It would be very hard for them to believe that anyone could sleep through that noise.  But that is how I am when I have a headache.  I sleep all of the time until it's gone.  The good news is that for the first time in more than a week, I don't have a headache today.  I came home and cleaned up all of the trimmings and the leaves.  Our yard looks so nice!  I'm sure they will be happy to see it when they get home.

Here is my first complaint.  I raked the yard with a rake that had only 2/3rds of the teeth.  In the US, we would have called the rake useless and bought another.  Here we are grateful to have a rake with 2/3rds of the teeth.

Also, I got irritated at the Breakfast Program because when Lourdes is not there everyone has their own idea of how things should go.  I am open to ideas.  Yesterday I made a suggestion, but someone else decided to do things differently.  We spent an extra two hours when we would have been done if we had used my suggestion.

Today we had a lot of food and not so many kids.  I was sitting outside with the first group and many couldn't finish what they had on their plate.  They ended up feeding it to the birds.  We have taught them that if they are not hungry, just let us know and we will give them less food so they are not wasteful. When the second group came, two asked for smaller portions.  I called inside and asked Marlin for two smaller plates.  She understands why, and was fine, but someone else said that everyone gets the same size and they have to eat it all.  Let me tell you - I couldn't have eaten all that was on that plate.  So I went inside to try to explain.  The person said we have too much food and it will go to waste so they have to eat a big plate.  From my point of view the food goes to waste if the kids can't eat it and it gets fed to the pigeons.  But if they ask for a smaller portion and we have food left over at the end of the day, either the adults eat it for lunch, or we save it for tomorrow, or Marlin can take it home for her family.  In the end let's just say the birds were fed well today.

This leads me to another problem.  Lourdes tries to always give Marlin anything we have that is extra but Marlin is talking more and more about getting a job.  I can't blame her.  She needs to have an income for her family.  But without Marlin I don't know what will happen to the breakfast program.  She cooks all of the food every day and cleans everything afterward.  I help when I'm not with the kids and sometimes a couple of other mothers show up for an hour or two, but Marlin really does everything.  She is the first to arrive and the last to go home.  I have talked to Jairo about raising money to pay Marlin, but he said the church cannot do it because it would be illegal.  Plus I can't even raise enough money to pay my own bills yet, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.  Basically what I'm saying is that Marlin does all of the hardest work as a volunteer and she may have to leave.  I am very worried that it will happen sooner than later.  We have no one else who is reliable and/or competent to do this job.  Also, Lourdes and I really like working with Marlin.

Clara is still in the hospital waiting for surgery.

I know this sounds really petty, but it is driving me crazy!  My hair is literally falling out by then handful.  I am not exagerrating.  When I shower, when I brush it, and all throughout the day my hair is falling out.  I can feel a huge difference when I put it in a pony tail.  I think about 1/3 of my hair has already fallen out.  My pony tail is more like a cat tail.  Today I considered shaving my head.  At this rate it may never grow back.  It is starting to effect my self esteem.  It is also very irritating to have my house and my clothes covered in hair.  The other day a friend looked at me with a disgusted look and handed me a hair, saying this is yours.  I apologized and explained that my hair is falling out.  I bought vitamins and am eating beans until I am almost not fit for society, because that is what the internet suggested.  I don't know what else to do.  Already it will take years for my hair to grow back.  I know, it's just hair.

So these are my complaints.  I fully realize that in the grand scheme of things, my complaints are pretty lame.  Some are even laughable.  But today I needed to vent.  98% of the time I am a positive person and I write about positive things.  Today I am grumpy.  For no specific reason.  I am not having any feelings of wanting to return home, or that I am not supposed to be here.  I still love Honduras.  I realize that I should be more grateful and less grumpy.  Unfortunately, as I sit to write today, I am still grumpy.  And my hair is still falling out.  And the neighbors are burning their garbage just as I hung my sheets out to dry. Well, at at least it's not raining!  And at least I have food, a roof over my head, many people who love me, and the opportunity to serve in this awesome place.

Please pray that God's will be done when it comes to Marlin.  My hope is that it is God's will for her to cook for the Breakfast Program, but we'll see.

Okay.  A funny story to finish.  Today I was sitting with the second group and one of the bigger boys, I think it was Mainor, was next to me.  He had about 3 bites of rice left on his plate, and he was struggling to finish.  I told him it's only three bites, I know he can do it.  He got this horrible look on his face and said "Perdon", then he turned away from me.  I thought he was going to vomit!  But he let out a huge burp.  Then he looked really embarrassed.  He said "Perdon" again.  I laughed and said, "I bet you have room for more food now!"  Then he laughed too and gobbled down his last three bites.  I never saw a boy be so embarrassed to burp!  Someone is teaching him good manners.   :)